Hiya! 

Hope you are doing amazing! Enjoy my randomness and reach out if you would like to know more and maybe just BS and we can learn about each other!

About me,

First, I am a girl dad to 1, (2yo), so my time when I have her (Divorced) can be busy and hectic, so an understanding with that would be essential. I happily have her on a 2-2-3 schedule so every week is different.

I am your average looking guy, no six pack, no I don't go to the gym (maybe I should but, ugh I don't wanna), I have that dad bod thing going that I'm sure in time will get taken care of, but can't make me till then lol.

Things I enjoy can be ever changing with some short term memory on what I am wanting to do. I would say I am more of the nerd/dork kinda guy, but I do like sports, and played many before/ and worked in them.

I like to watch shows on science and space, I enjoy playing games when I can (rarely it seems), I also enjoy listening to audiobooks from Dungeon Crawler Carl ( finished book 7, holding off on 8 cause I need to pace myself lol), all the way to some yummy smut haha! yes, a guy who enjoys smut... I know lol. I also enjoy going fishing, cooking, being lazy AF, and doom scrolling when I should be doing something productive. Oh, also I bought a piano at goodwill cause I have always wanted to learn to play piano. (maybe one of those short term hobbies again lol).

What can I give? Hmm, that is hard to say, I am a really good listener, love to chat about anything, hear you out. I am never ever judgemental and will always say you are right in the fight ( well idk about if it was with me lol jk). Just ask me if there is anything you really desire or want in a friendship/connection and will gladly let you know if it is something I can give!

What I hope to find...? That is a good question, I know what I envision, and is that possible? Idk, maybe I am cray cray.

But..... What I picture... Is a woman who is confident, smart, sweet and caring, also loves the things I do and wants to talk about them and also their day and just BS and also give shit and be sarcastic and a smartass and can give and take on it. ( not in a way of to cover being mean, but be fun and snarky in a flirting way, if that makes sense?) I would really prefer a woman around my age, maybe a mom too or at least a fun aunt that understands the time it takes to be a good parent (fixing/healing inner child trauma, we don't judge lol).  I also really love and envision a woman who has that gothic style? The black dresses/clothes, tattoos, pericing, the type of woman that surely would have been burned at the stake lol. Which on that note... I would really like to learn about wicca/witch stuff. Something I have been finding myself drawn too. (blame the smut maybe lol).

I am also curious and wanting to learn, talk about, explore, understand ENM/Poly and throuple type dynamics.

Anyways, I was going to keep this short, but I failed that one I think. Welp sending this to the ether and will see what returns. If you got this far thank you, and I hope you have the most amazing day or night and always be good to yourself!

I'm almost 50, and I still believe that the greatest adventure available to a human being is to love one person extraordinarily well. Not to possess her. Not to rescue her. But to spend whatever years remain becoming an expert in the peculiar miracle of her existence. To learn what frightens her, what delights her, what she was like at seven years old, what she secretly hopes might still happen before she dies. I want to know a woman so thoroughly that, when the world has been cruel to her, she can come home and find at least one person for whom her existence is an occasion for celebration. I have failed at love before. Spectacularly. But I have not lost my reverence for it. And I wonder whether there's a woman somewhere who hasn't either. Surely somewhere in this murky corner of the internet is at least one--just one woman--who is ready and willing to just be loved. Maybe someone as fast moving as me?

I am looking for a FWB. I would love to go on fun dates like the beach since it's so close by or perhaps try out some restaurants that I have been wanting to try. I prefer to keep things casual however I am willing to entertain something longer term if we fit well together. Regardless, I prefer something regular and ongoing even if it just stays casual.

I very much believe in the male role of leadership. Things like responsibility always fall on my shoulders and it's my duty to make sure that everything that needs to be handled is handled. In exchange, I seek a woman who looks up to a man like the one described and naturally falls into her submissive feminine role. Things like submission can only be earned when their is a mutual respect between us. I believe that having a masculine presence is very important and I do not need to make you feel small to make myself feel big. I understand the physical power imbalance between the sexes and it is my duty to make sure you always feel safe in my presence.

When we are behind closed doors, I am very much a dominant. I will put you in a mindspace where you will never have to think about what comes next. It will just happen. This will be your opportunity to fully clear your mind and not worry about any of life's challenges. It is always my goal to make sure you are just as satisfied as I am.

I have a lot of lived experience, have led an interesting life, and can have conversations about most subjects especially those that involve the inner workings of how the world works and life in general.

I am 5'10 and weigh 160 lbs. I am white with brown hair with some grays peaking out and hazel eyes. I very much care about my health and how I look and have been working out for years. My body type is somewhere between fit and muscular and I am pretty lean overall.

STD free.

I'm a 48 year old white guy, 5’11” 190lbs brown eyes and salt and pepper hair. I’m pretty easygoing, stable, and definitely still young at heart. I'm married, but untortunately the intimacy and connection have been gone for a while, and I really miss having that physical fun.
I'm looking to meet a woman who's warm, fun, affectionate, and enjoys a good laugh. I'm a man with a high libido, so physical chemistry is important to me, I'd like to actually enjoy talking, hanging out, getting to know each other, and having something consistent that we both look forward to.
If you're in a similar situation and miss having that kind of connection, I'd love to hear from you.
What is your favorite 80's or 90's comedy.

Twenty questions. Answer as many as you like, but the more honest you are, the more interesting this gets. I'm interested in the woman behind the photograph, the mind behind the smile, and the things you don't ordinarily tell strangers.

1. How old are you, and how tall are you?

2. How would you describe your physical appearance to a blind man?

3. What is the first thing people notice about you, and what do you wish they'd notice instead?

4. Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or something more complicated?

5. What does an ordinary, perfectly happy Tuesday look like for you?

6. Do you believe in God, an afterlife, reincarnation, or nothing beyond this existence?

7. What is something you believe that most people would disagree with?

8. Have you ever been truly, devastatingly in love?

9. What did your last serious relationship teach you about yourself?

10. Do you want to be married someday, or do you prefer love without the institution?

11. What is your greatest emotional need in a romantic relationship?

12. What is your greatest insecurity, physical or otherwise?

13. How important is sex to you, and what role should it play in a lasting relationship?

14. What turns you on that has absolutely nothing to do with sex?

15. What is your biggest romantic or sexual turn-off?

16. Are you naturally affectionate? Do you enjoy frequent touching, kissing, cuddling, and physical closeness?

17. What is something about your sexuality or romantic desires that a prospective partner ought to understand?

18. What is the most beautiful thing you've ever experienced?

19. What are you still trying to forgive yourself for?

20. If you met a man who genuinely wanted to know you, love you, and spend the rest of his life making yours a little better, what would he need to understand about you before anything else?

Your turn. Ask me anything. Nothing is off-limits.

Hello,

Looking for someone 37+ to talk to about anything, would like to share laughs, thoughts, discussions, nothing super serious, just new friends.

*Must have a great sense of humor and not easily offended.

Would prefer to make this a long term thing as I do enjoy getting to know people.

Also please respect the fact that I might not respond in .2 seconds because I might be busy since I have a 9-5…however I’ll definitely respond!

This post is for a younger woman who is inexperienced and wanting to be Trained/Mentored by an older white male.

Perhaps men your age have used you and have been very selfish in bed. You want a man to pleasure you so you learn the right way to understand more about your body and how it responds being to pleasured, Here is the chance to have an older man give you the experience and safe exploration of what you’re interested in. From the basics (kissing, touching) to the intermediate (oral, being nude) to the advanced (sex, creampies, anal, etc)

This would be an IRL dynamic. You can think of it like an advanced fwb relationship. If it turns into an actual relationship that’s fine but not a requirement. Be clean and be understanding of what you’re getting into.

I’m 64 very quickly approaching 65. So be aware of the age gap. It won’t all be just sex. Given my life experiences I can also give you life advice and guidance on most situations. If you’re a girl with daddy issues honestly this might be one of the best dynamics for you.

Open to mentoring friends together or separate as well.

If you’re interested send me a message and we can discuss.

I am white, tall, dad body,, good shape but far from ripped, great listener, will totally respect and do what you want. This is a great way to learn without a younger male using you who will not teach you and pleasure you the right way.

Hi! I’m a 46-year-old French-Swiss guy living in Switzerland.
I’m easygoing, curious, and love enjoying life! Live music, concerts, festivals, spontaneous trips, good food, wine, and a good laugh are definitely my kind of things.
I’m also into mountain biking, travelling, cinema, and discovering new places.
I’d love to meet a fun, open-minded woman around my age who enjoys adventures, good conversations, and doesn’t take herself too seriously.
No pressure, no expectations. Just getting to know each other, sharing some laughs, maybe a little flirting, and seeing where things go. Chemistry matters more than distance!
I’m happy to connect with someone from anywhere, and improving my English along the way would be a nice bonus.
If this sounds like you, come say hi!

(Building banter straight into the post. See Exhibit A, infra:)

For you: Opening my docket for mediation sessions with attorneys who currently have a motion pending against their lack of social life.

My qualifications as your legal counsel: I watched Suits and I’m fun. Internationally certified confidante. The rest is available via discovery.

Proposed Settlement: A platonic, long-term, low-maintenance, high-wit texting connection to break up your billable hours with premium conversation. May include memes, competitions over who had the best dinner, and unsolicited photographic evidence of time spent outdoors. We could add a spicy addendum later on, or not.

———————————

Case Selection

— Mandatory Criteria —

- Successful, accomplished, clean, fit attorney (42+) with a sense of humor and who stays out of the noise

- Expert in contract law and decent in pop culture references. You should be so good at fine print and loopholes that a vampire could never compel you.

- Seeking good-faith resolution for your social deficit

- Withhold all pictures and personally identifying information. I don’t want to see you.

When in doubt, refer to the spirit of the law (criteria) to clarify any qualification ambiguities.

- - - - - - - - -

— Weighted Factors —

- Demonstration of due diligence

- Prior experience in playful banter or sharp comebacks

- Ability to pivot professional skills to engaging conversations about anything and everything

- Closeted nerdy tendencies

- Cultural fluency

- Diverse indoor and outdoor interests, such as intellectual pursuits, cooking, hiking, and athletics will set you apart from your adversaries

- Motions drafted with depth and humor

———————————

File your motion in my DMs. Include all relevant matters, or your case will not be reviewed.

Tip the scales of justice in your favor by including which TV attorney is your avatar, or make a compelling case for why heterograph mix-ups should be pardoned. Bring your A-game and may the odds be ever in your favor. (Only exceptional lawyers will embrace the challenge of the latter.)

No need to keep the bit going; match my effort in your own way.

———————————

Fine print:
I’m obviously not a real lawyer, nor am I acting in any legal capacity. I will, however, let you turn off your brain while I drive the narrative and tell you what to do, like an attorney—I’m just here for you . ;)

This is exactly as advertised: casual, low-maintenance, platonic texting, as we’re available. Every day would be nice but life does find a way and that’s to be expected. Slow replies okay. We can still look forward to hearing from each other.

Location: EDT/GMT-4 // global

Please only DM if applicable to you. I have a variety of themes; respond when one is just right for you.

I’m 45, London based, got my own place, my own car, and looking for something casual that actually feels good, not just a chat that goes nowhere. Think friends with benefits but with genuine chemistry, real conversation and that spark that turns teasing into trouble.

I’m 5’10”, slim to average, brown skinned, shaved head, trimmed beard, the full transparent package so you know who you’re talking to.

Personality wise, I’m easy to talk to, a bit cheeky, and I definitely enjoy conversations that drift into the naughtier side when the vibe’s right. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy the fun, find the edge of things… we’ll get on very well.

You? Open minded, playful, can actually engage in a proper chat, and are here for something light, exciting and grown.

If this sounds like what you’re after, drop me a message, tell me a bit about you and what made you stop and read this, let’s see if the spark’s there.

Hi! I'm a 38-year-old guy living in London who's hoping to meet someone for a genuine connection.

Outside of work you'll usually find me geocaching, out with my camera, or buried in a book. I mostly read history and fiction—everything from espionage novels by John le Carré to books on European history. If you've got recommendations, I'm always looking to add to my ever-growing reading list.

Photography is probably my biggest hobby. I enjoy wandering around London (and further afield) looking for interesting architecture, landscapes, and street scenes. If you're curious, here's some of my work: https://www.flickr.com/photos/piersmathias/

I'm also into geocaching, which has turned out to be a brilliant excuse to explore places I'd never otherwise visit. There's something satisfying about finding hidden corners of cities and countryside alike.

Travel is another big interest. So far I've explored Belgium, Germany and Denmark, and I'd love to see more of Europe over the next few years. I'm equally happy discovering a new city, finding a great museum, or simply sitting in a café people-watching.

I'm looking for someone who's kind, curious, and enjoys conversations that can wander from history and travel to completely random topics. Bonus points if you're happy to join me on a photography walk, a geocaching adventure, or help me decide where my next trip should be.

If any of that sounds like your kind of day, send me a message. Tell me about the last place that surprised you, your favourite book, or the best hidden gem you've discovered.

I'm 40, I'm lonely, and I'm exhausted from being told everything will magically work out someday. How do you keep going?

My name is Nicholas. I'm 40 years old, an Army veteran, and I did a tour in Afghanistan that went six ways to Sunday. I came home carrying things most people will never have to understand, and I now receive VA disability for PTSD.

I know how that sounds. I know the stigma. The whole “stay away from the crazy guy” mentality. But the truth is, I'm a big sweetheart who just wants to love someone and be loved in return.

I live in Maine, but I'm currently visiting my mom in Massachusetts for a couple of weeks. I figured I'd give the dating apps down here a shot, thinking maybe things would be different. But boy, was I wrong.

People seem to suck everywhere, and I'm so damn frustrated. I'm 40 years old, I'm alone, and sometimes it feels like nobody gives a damn. No matter how much I reach out, how honestly I express what I'm struggling with, or how much I advocate for this basic human need to love and be loved, I keep getting the same recycled answers.

“You'll find someone someday.”

“There's someone out there for you.”

“You're trying too hard.”

“You're not trying hard enough.”

“Change everything about yourself.”

“Just be yourself.”

I'm exhausted by the contradictions. I'm tired of the pejorative platitudes people throw at me to placate me when they have no real answers. I know some people mean well, but there's something deeply insulting about pouring your heart out, trying to explain how much you're hurting, only to have your anguish met with another empty phrase that does absolutely nothing to change your reality.

It's as though people would rather soothe their own discomfort with my pain than actually sit with me in it for a moment.

I'm not asking anyone to magically manufacture a relationship for me. I'm not expecting strangers to solve my problems. I'm asking how people cope with a loneliness that doesn't seem to get any easier, no matter how hard they try.

And the worst part? I know how desperate this probably sounds. Believe me, I feel it, too. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like my loneliness is something people can laugh at or use to dismiss me, when all I'm trying to do is find someone who sees me for who I am and genuinely wants to build something meaningful with me.

I'm not looking for a perfect woman. I'm not looking for someone to fix me or save me. I'm looking for my person. Someone I can laugh with, hold close, make happy, support through the hard days, and remind every single day that she's loved. Someone who wants that same kind of love in return.

I want someone to come home to. Someone to share the little things with. Someone who chooses me, not out of pity or obligation, but because she genuinely wants me in her life.

I want to give someone all the love I've spent so long wishing I had someone to give it to.

But how do you keep going when you feel like you've tried everything? How do you keep putting your heart out there when it feels like nobody even notices it's there? How do you make peace with being alone when companionship, intimacy, and having someone to share your life with mean so much to you?

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm lonely in a way that's difficult to put into words, and I'm reaching a point where I genuinely don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

I'm not sharing this because I want pity. I'm sharing it because I'm tired of pretending that loneliness doesn't hurt this much. I'm tired of being made to feel pathetic for wanting something so fundamentally human.

I'm not looking for another platitude. I'm looking for an honest answer.

How do you live with this? How do you keep moving forward when the thing you want most feels perpetually out of reach? How do you stop feeling like there's something fundamentally wrong with you when, year after year, you still come home alone?

I don't need another promise that someday everything will work out. Nobody can guarantee me that. I don't need another list of things I should change about myself, especially when the advice contradicts itself depending on who's giving it.

I just want to know how other people get through this, because right now, it feels unbearable.

I'm a veteran. I've survived things I never thought I'd have to survive. I've fought battles most people will never see.

I just never imagined that finding someone to love, and someone who loves me back, would be one of the hardest battles of my life.

I'm big on emotional maturity! I value consistency, emotional safety and great communication. I'm open to long distance. I'm a black woman who prefers WM. Into ALL Things Nature, a Lazy walk, board games, houseplants, a good book and Travel. Looking for great compatibility and a person that feels light. AGES! 40+

PS: I'm not responding to "hey" or low effort messages.

I'm a 48 year old white guy, 5’11” 190lbs brown eyes and salt and pepper hair. I’m pretty easygoing, stable, and definitely still young at heart. I'm married, but untortunately the intimacy and connection have been gone for a while, and I really miss having that physical fun.
I'm looking to meet a woman who's warm, fun, affectionate, and enjoys a good laugh. I'm a man with a high libido, so physical chemistry is important to me, I'd like to actually enjoy talking, hanging out, getting to know each other, and having something consistent that we both look forward to.
If you're in a similar situation and miss having that kind of connection, I'd love to hear from you.
What is your favorite 80's or 90's comedy.

I hope you're having a great day 😎 I'm working from home today and its slower than a snail race! I've already ripped through all my standard "Lets get paid for goofing off" stuff and now I either have to focus on work or find a new shiny distraction. This is where you come in...riding on a unicorn or pegasus etc. to save the day!

A little about me: I'm 6'0 with brown hair, rocking a dad bod, with a well kept beard I'd love to have you stroke and run your fingers through while you whisper sweet or naughty things into my ear. I've been told I'm funny, and not just in the looks department (har har). I partake in several nerdy hobbies that I'd love to overshare with you about! Attached and not looking to change my situation or yours, but not afraid to catch feels and go deep. Able to frequently communicate and open to voice/video chatting once we're comfy. I'd love to be the reason you're grinning at your phone.

What I'm looking for: Look, I'm going to be completely real with you here. We're on Reddit. You probably don't live close. I have 99.9% certainty we are not going to be riding off into the sunset together. That being said...I'm going to flirt your freaking face off if I find you attractive. Be ready for it, expect it, be someone who enjoys it. My libido is high, but utilized appropriately. Would prefer to exchange pics really early on to establish attraction. I am seeking more than a platonic penpal or to be an unpaid therapist. Please be fun, flirty, and able to hold a conversation. Open to moving to another platform with the exceptions of telegram or whatsapp - ask me about either and I'm going to immediately think you're a scammer and get seasonally festive 👻

Drop me a note and tell me what mythical creature you're riding in on to save me from a boring work day with!

The most interesting people are the ones who have quietly built a life that makes sense to them, even if it looks slightly eccentric from the outside. I’m drawn to women with a sharp mind, a warm nature, and a life of their own. You have your interests, your opinions, your routines, your particular way of seeing the world. I have mine. I like the idea of two lives meeting without either one needing to be rearranged.

I enjoy good conversation, wandering unfamiliar streets, long evenings that somehow become much later than intended, and the occasional beautifully pointless argument about history, food, music, or whatever has caught our attention that week.

If you’re walking your own path, wherever that path happens to be, I’d be glad to hear where it has taken you lately.

Tell me about a place you would happily return to tomorrow, or an opinion you hold that your friends think is completely wrong. I suspect either answer could make for a good beginning.

Georgia, EST, 56. Shaved head, goatee, dad bod.

Married, and not unhappy just quiet. The talk at home turned into logistics: groceries, the dog, whose turn it is to pick up what. I miss the other kind. The kind where you're three minutes into something dumb and you look up and it's midnight.

So I'm looking for one woman. Chemistry first, everything else follows.

What that looks like: talking most days, flirting like we mean it, and eventually in the same room instead of just on a screen. In person is the goal; online is just the road there. And if it turns out to be right between us, I'm open to more than this. Not in month one — but open.

Into: hunting, fishing, camping, barbecue, voice notes over typing, and a good argument about nothing. Not into: three-day silences, or "hey" with nothing after it.

You: East Coast, or somewhere with a real plan to be within reach. Age doesn't matter. Chemistry does.

First message: one real thing about you. That's it.

I am a down to earth guy who’s looking for chemistry, connection, or something a little more adventurous. I’ve got my life handled. I have a career, a place, and independence. I’m looking for someone who wants to compliment that whether it’s casual or something more. I am happy to go at whatever speed is best for you.

No preferences on physical attributes beauty and sexiness come in all shapes and sizes. I’m open minded & comfortable exploring. You should be too.

If any of the above piques your interest then let’s chat. I’m looking forward to your message.

​

Hi. I'm just hanging out, bored, and tired of staring at my screen. I'd much rather actually talk to someone. If any girl is up and wants to have a normal, relaxed voice chat until we get sleepy, let me know. Send me a DM and we can figure out where to call.

IMPORTANT:
1. Females only
2. If interested, send me a chat with your age, location in LA, a general idea of what you are looking to do
3. Be ready to exchange verification pictures

I am an Uber driver that gets pretty bored during the late night hours.

I would like to find a passenger that wants to meet up for some naughty fun with an Uber driver. I can pick you up and we can role play in Uber. I got the newest Tesla with all the bells and whistles that can make our encounter fun. Auto pilot that can drive us around as you give road head, a big screen I can turn porn on, and back seats that go all the way down so you can lie and see the stars through the sunroof.

Or maybe you want me to be your Uber Eats delivery driver and I can make a deliver to your place for some naughty fun.

I am open to other kinks you may have, just send me a chat.

About me: I have a picture on my profile. I'm Caucasian, 32, 5'9, 160 lbs, sane, down to earth, clean shaven face, uncircumcised cock.

I am DDF and tested clean as of last month and I expect you to be the same. Any penetrating sex will be with a condom.

About you: 18+, fit to chubby, HWP, attractive, clean, DDF and recently tested.

Everything will be descrete and NSA.

​

Scottish guy from the Highlands, somehow ended up living in Pennsylvania. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened — I suspect the weather here was a convincing decoy.

47, single, reasonably house-trained, and allegedly charming. I come with a genuine Scottish accent, so at minimum, you’ll have someone who can make ordering a pint sound unnecessarily sophisticated.

I’m from the Highlands, where the scenery is dramatic, the weather is questionable, and men traditionally communicate feelings through sarcasm and pretending they’re not cold.

Now I’m in Doylestown, surrounded by cheesesteaks instead of haggis and trying to explain that yes, I really do sound like this.

Looking for a woman 30+ who enjoys good conversation, wicked banter, laughing at inappropriate moments, and maybe discovering whether the Scottish accent is actually as dangerous as advertised.

Bonus points if you can handle sarcasm.

Extra bonus points if you make me laugh.

And if you ask me to say “purple burglar alarm”… well, we may already have chemistry. 😉

Let me start by being up front with you that I’m a married man, and totally understand if you’re not looking to connect with me. But for those of you who are open to talking with a married man, I hope you will continue to read my post, and that we could connect and have fun getting to know each other better.

Here’s some more about me and what I’m looking for… I’m 61, married white male from Phoenix, AZ, the father of several kids, and work from home for a large corporation. I’m 5’9”, 200 lbs, with brown hair and blue eyes. I’m clean, DDF, non-smoker. When I’m not working, I enjoy walking and hiking, sports (baseball and football are my favorites), and binging a good show online.

I’m in a failing marriage where the passion and desire have been gone for some time. I am so tired of feeling alone and unappreciated in my own home. I’m looking to connect with a woman (U.S. only; 40+ only) for friendship and possibly more if my situation were to change - which is a distinct possibility (we can discuss that as we get to know each other). I’m looking for conversations with depth and purpose, lots of playful fun and laughs, and real, genuine care for each other.

Discretion is important. We can share pics after we connect, and I’m open to moving this chat elsewhere if/when you’re ready.

Thank you for reading my post, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. I hope you have a great day!

\*notabot
\*notabuyer