I (M51) am divorcing after a 25+ year marriage; the divorce is quite amicable. My soon to be ex and I hyphenated our last names when we married. I'm in the US, so this is not typical, especially for a guy. At this point, I've used the hyphenated version longer than my "maiden" name, I've built a career and have a professional reputation based on the hyphenated name, and my kids have the name. For these reasons, I'm leaning towards keeping the hyphenated name post-divorce.

I've not started dating yet and won't for several more months until (at least) the divorce is final. But I'm curious - would anyone see the name issue as a red flag that I'm somehow still attached to my ex?

things just got...interesting...again.

hung out with a few female friends last night.  one of them a soccer mom from when our kids played together now 10 years ago (they played together for about 10 years)

we have always had a nice friendship and i always had a little crush on her...about a month ago we kissed but she told me the next day she wanted us to maintain a friendship and not go down that path

oops
she invited me over for a night cap last night.  and what a night cap it was.  and a morning cap.  :)

now...what?  we didn't talk about it.  are we going to be FWB?  does she want to keep seeing me?  does she want to try a relationship?

don't know.  i'm up for maybe any of it. 

but it was so hot.  and warm.  and sweet.  and fun.   

she had not been with anyone for several years. 

she did not forget whatever she used to know how to do.  :)  :)  :)

Has anyone noticed Hinge activity die down? In Australia?

Is it because they created Standouts who you can only contact by buying roses? It seems like most of the women I’m attracted to are now only appearing in that Standout section. It’s like they learned my type and are monetising it against me, on top of my existing Hinge+ subscription cost.

I am new to the apps. Going slow. Getting to know people and going on a few dates. So forgive please my vaguely anti-social, newbie question.

If one of these new fellas asks me what I’m doing that evening (not to get together just conversationally), I wouldn’t want to say “oh I’m going out on a date”. I also don’t feel like lying and making something up. It’s just a polite question so - do most of you just say “out with friends?”

If they then ask “oh like a date?” What then?

And yes. It has occurred to me that I lack sufffient communication skills. This is new information and I’m working on it.

Why? Why do some men think it’s acceptable to sexualize a potential partner before they’ve even met them? I’ve been talking to a match on hinge and he keeps talking about me like I’m a piece of meat. Like, get to know me first. Why do they do this? I’ve asked them to stop but they think they’re being flirty. It’s a turn off.

I'm 58M, she's 56F. We've been together a little over nine months and it's going really well. Both divorced, both have adult children, neither interested in rushing into another marriage.

Her son is getting married next month. I've met him and his fiancée a handful of times. Nice people. They invited me to the wedding, which I was genuinely happy about.

Last night my girlfriend was talking about the wedding arrangements and casually mentioned that I'd be standing with her for the family photographs.

I asked if her son had actually requested that.

She looked surprised and said, "Well, of course you'll be in the pictures. You're coming with me."

I said something along the lines of, "I'm happy to take pictures with you, but I'm not sure I should be in the formal family ones. That's probably something your son and his fiancée should decide."

The atmosphere changed immediately.

She asked whether I was embarrassed to be seen as part of her family.

Absolutely not.

Then she asked whether I thought our relationship wasn't going to last.

Also no.

But I couldn't quite explain why the idea made me uncomfortable without sounding like I had one foot out the door.

Here's the thing. I really care about this woman. I can see us being together for a long time. We've met each other's friends, spent holidays together, and talked seriously about what we'd like the next several years to look like.

But nine months is still nine months.

Her son has known me for less than a year. I'm not his stepfather, I didn't help raise him, and I'm certainly not entitled to a permanent place in photographs from one of the biggest days of his life.

My girlfriend said she just wants me standing beside her. Her ex-husband will be there with his new wife, and she doesn't want to feel like she's attending her own son's wedding alone.

That part I understand. And of course I'll be beside her during the ceremony, dinner, dancing, everything.

I just hadn't considered that being in the family portraits might carry that much meaning for her.

For what it's worth, I would happily be included if her son and his fiancée wanted me there. I simply don't want them feeling obligated because their mother's boyfriend expects to be treated like immediate family.

We didn't have a huge fight. She said she understood my point, but I could tell she was hurt.

Now I'm wondering whether I'm making a big deal out of something that doesn't need to be complicated.

Those of you who started serious relationships later in life, how did you handle being included in important family events before you'd really become part of the family?

Is there a point where being cautious about your place in someone's life starts looking like you're unwilling to take that place at all?

I haven’t dated in over 6 years— looking for feedback and/or advice 🙌🏼

Backstory: I was married young— husband and I were married for 8 years. We had two kids, our eldest having Down syndrome. Sadly, my husband passed away when our kids were just toddlers, so I became a young widow. But, I raised them— my youngest finished university & is an architectural engineer living out on her own.

My son (late 20’s w/DS) who lives with me is very high functioning. He does not have “behaviors” of any kind. To the contrary; he has a job, a girlfriend, and an extremely busy social life. He plays several sports; some through special Olympics & other leagues, & some regular organizations. He is on an ice hockey team and recently learned to surf (that’s his new favorite). His best friend since grade school is a firefighter & they still hang out together 💚. My point is, my son is busy, has a provider who drives him to most of his activities, and lives a full/happy life.

In the 20+ year period since my husband’s death, I’ve had two long term boyfriends, with my last relationship ending March 2020. I know I’ve become stuck in a bit of an isolation-mode since then, especially when it comes to dating and men. I’ve had zero interest/desire to date again. I ended my last relationship after staying far too long when it had been toxic for too long. After that, being single felt great. To be honest, I love being single. But, I’m thinking of POSSIBLY putting myself out there in some capacity, haha. (Probably not OLD, but maybe join a meetup running group or another meetup community.)

Please be nice 🙏 . This is my first post here. After being alone for the last 6 years, I feel different about it all. I really haven’t had much experience “dating” in general.

Lastly, I definitely don’t feel my son defines me/my life, so while I don’t think it should be the first thing out of my mouth when I meet someone, I also know it probably will be because I’m very open! 💁🏻‍♀️and I’d rather not waste my time or anyone else’s if they didn’t want that in their life. Sorry so long!

Recently there has been a few comments on here that seem really off.

I posted about being disappointed with something that had happened and one response was

‘What’s the point of this thread?’

And the latest post where someone was happy with a hookup they’d had. This one had just such mean comments.

Surely in a place called Dating over fifty we can share good or bad things that are happening?

Not just asking for advice? Or saying how awful certain apps are.

Can’t we be happy for someone or sympathise with them if they’re sad?

Am I missing the point?

If you are single 50+, purely from a dating perspective, I honestly think it is better to be obese and in poor health. I feel being in poor health greatly increases your dating pool. It becomes much easier to find and meet "your type" of person. There is literally unlimited supply of people in poor health in their 50's at least in the US.

I've been separated for 2 years now, living alone for 18 months, doing all the post-relationship things like addressing physical and mental health, staying focused and becoming a generally better, healthier person. This is all good. Wish I'd done more of it a long time ago. I'm in a decent headspace these days.

It does help that my ex and I are on very good, amicable terms. We're actually good friends, we just realized things weren't right and weren't going to be after some therapy and really long, difficult discussions. So we threw in the towel and wish each other well, we remain business partners on the house. Both of us are thankful for this level of grace.

However, legally, we are still married. The divorce is in process and should be complete in the next two months or so. Nothing is contested so no reason for concern there.

But it's still a red flag to re-enter the dating pool, right? At least, I know a lot of men wouldn't have a problem with her still being legally married, but I've got a sense - more like an assumption - that I'm radioactive until the divorce is final. Is that generally correct?