This is something that has really been bothering me lately. It seems to be very common now that a lot of parents aren’t cooking real food, and are feeding their kids chicken nuggets, pizza, Mac & cheese, etc for every meal. I’ve seen it myself and it’s mind blowing to me because they’re eating these kinds of things on a regular basis rather than occasionally. What happened to parents actually cooking for their children??? My Mom worked full time and still cooked for my siblings and I every night to make sure we had a healthy diet. I’m almost 28 and I just learned how to cook a few years ago (embarrassing I know) and I unfortunately spent a lot of my adult life eating very unhealthy. But guess what? That was MY choice. Children don’t have a say in what they eat. I have a friend like this and she told me her kids “won’t eat vegetables”. Like yeah no shit because all you feed them is processed garbage. As someone who has been overweight/obese for most of her life with an eating disorder, it’s triggering for me to witness. These children are going to grow up with terrible eating habits all because their parents don’t want to cook. Cooking is not optional when you are a parent. Sorry not sorry

With all of the Lindsay clancy stuff on twitter, I have noticed that when women post about their positive experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, they are praised. If a woman shows her negative experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, they are shamed immediately and turned into a spectacle of how women hate their kids. I really think this is because people don’t want to show real sides to motherhood. They want young impressionable women to think it’s blissful and there’s never any problems to trick them into doing it.

So tonight after work, therapy, watching a movie, etc I was just chilling when my fellow childfree friend texted me at 8:30 pm asking if I wanted to see a corpse flower the local university's greenhouse had in bloom (they only bloom for 24 hours). I got their text at about 9 but I rushed out the door before the greenhouse closed at 10 pm to pick them up so we could head over and see it. As I was rushing to my car I literally remarked to my bf "this is the sort of thing you're only able to do impulsively when you're childfree!"
and it is! no kids to either bring with you or somehow find very last minute childcare for. No bedtime routine to worry about disrupting, no having to miss said cool thing because of kids. Just giving my cat a goodbye pet, throwing on some pants and shoes, and going.

(wish I could add a pic of the flower in bloom but it seems this sub doesn't allow adding pics?)

I keep seeing posts arguing, “Would you save a random kid over your dog?” And then everyone who picks their dog is a demon. I’m sorry but why would I save a living thing that I have no responsibility for over one that I do?

Be kind to me as I’m not as confident as some of you CF baddies and baddos lol.

This weeks just felt like this topics been in my face again.

To start, a close friend of mine had a baby a month ago. I never knew she wanted kids and she was CF but her husband (12 year younger) convinced her into it. Prior to giving birth, she was venting to me (she’s in Europe and I am in US so we rely on voice notes and video chat to communicate) that she was doing this for him and how she keeps feeling nothing maternal. She also told me it was making her on edge this baby will be born and require every second of her attention.

Context about her, she’s a free spirit. She loves being spontaneous, traveling, concerts, fashion, getting her nails done with cool designs, brunch boozing etc

She also found out at age 10 her real Dad left her mom when she got pregnant so her “Dad” wasn’t her bio Dad and and is her adoptive father and has had deep issues with her sister who is his bio daughter. I’ve talked to her about healing those wounds as her sister is really sweet .. and I know she’s trying .. but she’s told me that made her resent parenthood

I’ll be clear, I know she’s allowed to change her mind but I was surprised she gave into it. But I was supportive and happy for her. She usually checks in every 2-3 weeks and I do too. I know she’s slammed busy but I’m realizing this will be the new norm for a while. Which I’m fine with but it’s just the change is now palpable. She told me the last time we talked she didn’t get to put baby down by himself for 48 hours and she was losing it.

I’m a believer that some people don’t want kids and it happens and they love it but it’s just like I’m grieving a loss.

Then this week it seems like I’m seeing lots of reproduction praise and I have to look away. Someone on my feed (I only have FB) just opened a business and they posted a small post and got barely any likes, but someone posted their gender reveal video and got tons of comments and praise. I get that too but the business was a cool thing to share. Someone else I follow got their degree and same thing, attention was minimal but a mutual friend posted about their kid and a different story.

I understand people go to what they relate to but still…

I worked as nanny for 8 years and that makes me just so freaking sure that I don’t want kids.

I have moments of daydreaming where I’m like it would be nice to have kids- but the work.. the never ending work.

People talk about how tough it is to raise kids but also it’s just so rewarding. To me, I’ve seen the rewards- the smiles, the kids needing you, them learning something you taught them, silly jokes- it IS rewarding- it’s just not nearly enough rewarding.

The reward is no where near the struggle.

It’s not worth the peace and quiet and cleanliness. It’s not worth the constant noise- like it’s always there, whining fussing babbling playing and crying. It’s not worth the effort, I get to clock out at 6pm- and I’m always relieved- i love the kids, but imagine never clocking out… nope.

Kids are ungrateful, they want instant gratification or there’s a meltdown (that’s how they’re wired), they are messy and loud. I used to go home w migraines from the constant screaming some days.

The biggest factor is- it’s boring, mind numbingly boring. Your life revolves around diapers poops teething. Daycare pick/drop offs. Schools, acitivies.
You have parent friends who also have the same conversations. Every parent thinks their kid is special, but I mean.. not really. Maybe nannying has taken away the magic of the seeing the child walk or talk for the first time- the “firsts”- but I’m ok with never experiencing that for myself. It’s simply not special enough. A billion people before them have learned to clap and walk and point..

I cannot imagine my life revolving around that- you can’t talk politics, books, art, or anything of meaning, because u don’t have the time to engage with that, and eventually you stop caring.

Another thing, I feel every one has kids and the family and the traditional life. And we’ve got just one life- why would I want to do something everyone is doing, they have the same experience, like truly- as a former nanny- they are all the same.

I’ve many many reasons to be childfree. Sometimes when I’m day dreaming, I remember how physically relieved I used to feel at 6pm and I’d love that to be my normal haha

Whenever I hear somebody who does have children tell another person who is child-free that since you don't have children, who do you expect to take care of you in your old age? To me that just says that some parents seem to believe that children are just put on this earth for the sole purpose of serving them.

So this is just a rant. Me and my boyfriend are both childfree. He got a vasectomy last year, and I take birth control because I'm that afraid of being pregnant and having an alien grow inside of me (bc like, ew). Anyways, my parents already knew this for a while, and after a lot of talking, they seemed to finally make peace with it. But man, oh man, I was wrong.

The thing is, my cousin got pregnant, and she was one of the "childfree" ones from a large group of cousins. And now... my sort of peace is over. My mom brings this up sometimes and makes sad faces, saying she won't have grandchildren. The other day, she made me a piece of art with capybaras bc I love them and said:

"Did you see I put 3 capybaras there? And a small one in the middle?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's you, your boyfriend, and my grandkid."

The other day, she invited us for dinner at her house, and when we got there, she had all of mine and my brother's childhood photos out and was super excited to show us our baby pictures. She was saying:

"Oh, I have this skirt and this shirt. Do you wanna have it?"

"What for, mom?"

"For your kids."

"Do you think it will fit on Lilith?" (my cat, I was already really mad about everything)

The point is, she was fine for so long, and she accepted and understood. Now, just because someone else changed their mind, she thinks it will happen to me. I have worked with kids for years. I know damn well how hard it is. I'm 32 with a lot of health issues, and also, the most important part: I DON'T WANT KIDS.

I'm even looking to get my tubes tied (or get spayed, like we like to joke about, lol), but they don't know about that. She would fucking pass out if she found out.

So yeah, even though it makes me mad and I want to tell her to stop, I'm at a point where I feel somehow bad??? I feel bad for her for wanting to have grandkids and for being part of a generation that didn't think about having children—they just thought it was the right move after a marriage. I feel bad bc I would love to be that daughter that wanted that and bonded with her over a baby... but I'm not, and never will be.

I  feel bad for not having that mindset, but something I will never do is have a kid for someone else. Not for a man, not even for my mother.

Apologies if this has already been posted about. I have been getting TikToks about a dating app for childfree people. I signed up for the waitlist and just wanted to post the link if anyone else wants to sign up. They are seriously lacking men!

Waitlist sign up: https://partyoftwo.dating
Creator of the app if you’d like more info on it: @your.fav.yapper.on.tt

(I don’t have anyyyyy affiliation with the creators of this app or anything like that, I just found this interesting as a childfree and single woman and also thought the proposed features were thoughtful/intentional. There are so many posts on here about dating and thought to spread the word about this app.)

Maybe I’m sleep deprived.

I see people around me who have kids. They look shattered and exhausted. Most have it rough now. The economy is awful. I can’t attest to whether they do or don’t regret having children; that’s none of my business.

But I feel so free and liberated, even if, technically, I’m not (capitalism!). If I get to the point where I’d like to run away and learn to grow my own produce, I absolutely can. I don’t have to worry about hungry mouths to feed, or the myriad of chores. I can — as a 25-years-old woman — spend money unwisely; the only person I have to care about myself is me, and that’s fantastic. I can watch what I want. Do what I want, even if I’m poor (within reason). I can sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and just exist without expectations, and that’s fucking amazing.

I never was ambitious. I always thought I’d have kids but didn’t understand why — even though I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body. And I’m so glad I don’t, and won’t have children. My body is my own. My time is my own. My money, against potential better judgement, is my own. Everything is mine, and if it fucks up, the only person I have to think about fixing it for is me

I really don't understand the point. Like it's really creepy celebrating what genitals your baby has, and for what? Way to engrain gender roles before they're even born. I feel like people who care that much shouldn't even be reproducing.

I’m currently reading a book where the main character is a mom fighting to find meaning in her life and trying to re-establish her identity outside “mom”. Then I saw a video on social media asking a career woman with kids what hobbies she has and she laughed and basically said she doesn’t have time for hobbies. I also have a friend who’s a mom who’s married to the father of her children and struggling to keep everything together with 2 kids and a FT job. I respect that in all these scenarios, these women chose parenthood. None of them have stated they regret having kids. It’s just the total loss of self that comes with motherhood that baffles me. Who wants that? Why does that seem appealing? Furthermore, if it were any human other than a child, we would label the situation “unhealthy”. Certainly no one would encourage these woman to stay with a man who robs her of all her attention and time and whose needs were always placed above her own. Can you even imagine if the level of care and attention were given to a significant other?

I will never understand why breeders and the like fawn over ultrasound photos so much. It’s not cute. It’s doesn’t make me go “Awww!” It’s creepy, gross and doesn’t even look like very much. “Wanna see my baby??!! No, I do not. The only thing worse than an ultrasound photo is a 3D ultrasound photo. Now that’s the stuff nightmares are made of. YIKES 😬 H

to celebrate one year of breastfeeding. the comment section was full with people commenting their own cow themed or boob (or both) themed cakes, saying that they hated their husbands because they didn’t get one, as well as people saying how cute it is…

and then i realised I’M the issue because if i was ever forced to have a kid and someone got me a cow or boob themed cake for breastfeeding i would feel so incredibly dehumanised and disgusted. i know women can produce milk but being called a cow would send me over the edge.

Hi all

Just wondering if anyone feels this as well.

I am certain that I don't want children. The thought of putting my body and mind through pregnancy and raising of small children is a definate no for me. Never wanted kids. I dont have the lifestyle for children. I'm also 40 now so its pretty much too late anyway! But yes, 100% don't want to have or raise children.

However, I have this image in my head of being a grandma! I often keep things or thing of stories and think "that'll be nice to tell the grandkids". And I kind of imagine being an old lady and telling stories to kids about how our lives were and passing on info and stuff. But obvs if I don't have kids i wont have grandkids.

I guess I can have my friends children as surrogate grandkids?

Anyone else feel like this?

i’m currently going through a lot of emotions so i do want to apologize if my writing is all over the place, i’m struggling with processing this and i really just need a safe space right now.

i had a fucking long and awful day and i never really had a habit of opening up to anyone in my household (mom and grandma), but today was so hard that i wanted to talk about with somebody, but i just got reminded why i didn’t really do it in the first place.

without going into much details, the whole conversation with my (18f) grandma (60) has shifted into abortion/childfree topics and i tried to reason with her why is abortion healthcare and why should we firstly consider the wellbeing of already existing humans instead of worrying about literal cell clusters, to which she replied that i am being nuts. well, i can take that, i knew that she’s mad conservative and i knew what i was getting into, but i stupidly had last hope in me that if i at least try to give her an example on me, she would have be more empathetic. because of multiple health issues and conditions (a lot being tied to my reproductive system), pregnancy would be fatal for me and that’s why i will never have kids, to which she replied that because of this i basically hold no value as a human and i am useless as a woman if i cannot/wouldn’t want to bear a child. she told me that with no grudges, already knowing that i am struggling immensely with my health/mental issues and i am on a thin line of being hospitalized.

i don’t really know what i want to say more, i am just feeling so devastated and crushed, because this was the woman that basically raised me (my mom being less present and my father never being in the picture) and now she’s telling me my existence is basically meaningless, her only reasoning against abortion/being childfree being……. (take a wild guess…!) religion!

i feel i just feel really lonely knowing no one in my family actually sees me as a valuable human being, but only for things i can provide, but i am childfree by choice and also atheist, so i am basically worthless.

please dear women, let it be a message for you - you ARE worth the world because you ARE. you breathe, and thats basically the only criteria that u have to meet in order to mean something, and never let anyone define you as anything else. you are amazing and deserve the world no matter of your personal choices. i love you all most, take care

Hi all. I’ve recently gotten into animal rescue, specifically with dogs and the number of posts I see from mombies giving up their dogs, huskies to be specific is terrible. As a husky momma of 9 years who just fostered another one, this makes me furious! I see non stop posts of mombies posting about rehoming their husky bc it’s “too much” or whatever the fuck excuse they come up with because little Bradleigh was born and suddenly the husky they had for all its life is an inconvenience to their nuclear family. I hate them. There is a terrible animal crisis with the shelters and these cruel, selfish families dont care about the animals that they made family now that they have their precious babies. It’s terrifying the lack of planning and empathy these dummies have to do such things! And chances are these dogs won’t make it out of the shelters since they highly euthanize for any reason. I hate them so much and we should publicly shame these bitches. End rant.

This is so annoying. Because they have like 3 or 4 little kids in this 2 bedroom apartment and they keep trying to escape, they put up cameras on their front door and balcony.

It would be one thing if the alarms go off just when they go in or out of their place. But the thing is their Doors are next to common walkway areas in the complex, and people trigger them all the time just by walking on the sidewalk. Their cameras are pointed at common spaces other residents use. And it plays an annoying siren every damn time.

Sometimes they go off for fucking nothing like if there’s a strong gust of wind and tree branch moves or something. But it’s fucking constant. Every time I let out my dog I have to go past these damn things and it triggers them multiple times. I can also hear it from my apartment.

Another reason kids are fucking annoying… just because you can’t control your kids doesn’t mean you get to put up shit like this.

I posted on here a couple months ago about how I broke up (partially because of my childfree stance) and deeply regretted it, to the point that I lost all desire to live. I’ve since gone to intense therapy.

I’ve been feeling better, even to the point of feeling content with life, the past month or so, but I recently relapsed. I wonder if I’ll ever feel happy again. Maybe I just have to accept that there’s nobody out there for me.

So my mother in law is still pining hard for a grandbaby, to the point where my husband may consider a divorce (that's another rant for another time. I've already ranted too much today 🥲).

A couple of months ago she asks me, "Don't you want to see little copies of yourself running around?"

I said "not one bit. Not even a little."

She told me I need to love myself more.

Update:

Hi, this might get me some downvotes because I feel like I've been so stupid. But people are asking for the tea ☕ between my husband and I, so I'm deciding to post the deets:

My husband and I are officially not on the same page. When we started dating eight years ago, he knew I didn't want kids and said he DID want them, but was fine with my decision (turns out he thought he could change my mind). When he proposed four years ago, I asked, "Are you sure? I don't want kids." He said that's okay and he wanted to make me happy. (I now know his plan was surrogacy or even a sister wife situation where we stay married and someone else bears his children 🫠) We're in our early 30s now. I forgot to mention that when we bought our home four years ago his parents started staying over often and his mom and I had a bit of an altercation. That's when she told me, "When I found out you didn't want kids, I actually told my son to keep it moving." 😬 We're on better terms now, but she's since developed breast cancer. She's afraid of recurrence and has expressed fears dying early before seeing her grandchildren. The burden falls on my husband as an only child.

I decided we should restart marriage counseling. Our new therapist helped us get EVERYTHING out on the table, and that's how I found out about my husband's underlying ideas. The therapist asked if I was okay with the surrogacy/sister wife/"baby mama" idea. I said no. He asked my husband if he was okay with us never having kids. Husband said no. Then he asked if he'd be willing to leave the marriage over it. Husband said yes. I'm starting to realize after writing this that perhaps when she said I need to love myself more, she's referring to me not being with a man that seems to only want me as an incubator.

Whenever I’m stressed, I just do not take care of myself. Like now, my cat is experiencing an asthma flare up that resulted in hospitalization, he’s now taking several meds, and I’m stuck in a room with him bc my other cat doesn’t recognize sick cat and I need to stay with sick cat to make sure he is breathing. I haven’t left the house unless I needed to in days, haven’t showered, if I eat it’s crap food, I hardly drink water, I usually am on a good gym regimen but that’s been out the window as I’ve hardly moved, my house is a disorganized mess. And all of this… for a cat. Yes obviously he’s my son and I would die for him, but my point is that I can’t imagine what I would be like if I had to take care of a human. Especially if they were chronically ill. I’m so unhappy and stressed and anxious over a cat I really don’t think I can handle a child.

Exactly; that's why I don't insist that everyone has to be like me!

I'm glad a lot of people want to have kids and go on to have them.

Indeed, I would even say that I'm glad MOST people do.

I work in higher ed, so my job is dependent on at least some people having kids.

But I choose not to, and I like spending time with other people who don't as well. I also have friends who are parents of littles (who I see less frequently, for obvious reasons) and parents of growns (who have time to hang out more).

Went to the local vineyard and I feel like my beef is more with boomers then millennials on this one but still.

There were two boomers with there out of control dog which was like annoying but it’s just a dog.

The fact that after that grandma and grandpa show up just after with their grandkids that are running EVERYWHERE and touching EVERYTHING including me. It’s like there’s two of you teach respect I get it there like 4 but also don’t take em to a damn vineyard wtf.

One of em ran into me and was grabbing my pants and I literally couldn’t believe it then grandpa is like “sorry”

Bro sorry control ur kids this is a public space why are they terrorizing the joint wtf.

"you will be so beautiful pregnant"

"You are so nice with kids"

"You will be an amazing mom"

She keeps telling me stuff like this every chance she gets.

She started when I naively told her I don't want children and she GASPED and started her personal battle with making me change my mind

Before you say it: no, I can't tell her to fuck off. Yes, I tried to tell her I'm infertile. Yes, I'm leaving this job soon.

But till I leave I have to endure her. And my question is why???

I just stay silent at this point because I'm tired to say "no thanks" and "nope! Not happening". She acts like she didn't hear me, smirks and continues.

Just ranting, but curious to hear if someone was in a similar situation??

I got tired of big city life after decades in NY, SF and LA, so I moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee for a radical life change. I spent about 4 years there and learned a lot about myself in that time. I made a few friends but almost all of them were moms of young children and that made them not very available for hanging out. I went through a divorce, needed people around me. It was lonely AF.

The thing about small to mid size cities and that they tend to be much more family centric and it's hard to find like minded childfree people. I recently moved to Cincinnati Ohio and I'm already so much happier. Just having more life around me! Many more childfree people.

Learned my lesson. Environments matter when you're childfree. Find your people, even if you have to move.