So this is just a rant. Me and my boyfriend are both childfree. He got a vasectomy last year, and I take birth control because I'm that afraid of being pregnant and having an alien grow inside of me (bc like, ew). Anyways, my parents already knew this for a while, and after a lot of talking, they seemed to finally make peace with it. But man, oh man, I was wrong.

The thing is, my cousin got pregnant, and she was one of the "childfree" ones from a large group of cousins. And now... my sort of peace is over. My mom brings this up sometimes and makes sad faces, saying she won't have grandchildren. The other day, she made me a piece of art with capybaras bc I love them and said:

"Did you see I put 3 capybaras there? And a small one in the middle?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's you, your boyfriend, and my grandkid."

The other day, she invited us for dinner at her house, and when we got there, she had all of mine and my brother's childhood photos out and was super excited to show us our baby pictures. She was saying:

"Oh, I have this skirt and this shirt. Do you wanna have it?"

"What for, mom?"

"For your kids."

"Do you think it will fit on Lilith?" (my cat, I was already really mad about everything)

The point is, she was fine for so long, and she accepted and understood. Now, just because someone else changed their mind, she thinks it will happen to me. I have worked with kids for years. I know damn well how hard it is. I'm 32 with a lot of health issues, and also, the most important part: I DON'T WANT KIDS.

I'm even looking to get my tubes tied (or get spayed, like we like to joke about, lol), but they don't know about that. She would fucking pass out if she found out.

So yeah, even though it makes me mad and I want to tell her to stop, I'm at a point where I feel somehow bad??? I feel bad for her for wanting to have grandkids and for being part of a generation that didn't think about having children—they just thought it was the right move after a marriage. I feel bad bc I would love to be that daughter that wanted that and bonded with her over a baby... but I'm not, and never will be.

I  feel bad for not having that mindset, but something I will never do is have a kid for someone else. Not for a man, not even for my mother.

Hi all. I’ve recently gotten into animal rescue, specifically with dogs and the number of posts I see from mombies giving up their dogs, huskies to be specific is terrible. As a husky momma of 9 years who just fostered another one, this makes me furious! I see non stop posts of mombies posting about rehoming their husky bc it’s “too much” or whatever the fuck excuse they come up with because little Bradleigh was born and suddenly the husky they had for all its life is an inconvenience to their nuclear family. I hate them. There is a terrible animal crisis with the shelters and these cruel, selfish families dont care about the animals that they made family now that they have their precious babies. It’s terrifying the lack of planning and empathy these dummies have to do such things! And chances are these dogs won’t make it out of the shelters since they highly euthanize for any reason. I hate them so much and we should publicly shame these bitches. End rant.

to celebrate one year of breastfeeding. the comment section was full with people commenting their own cow themed or boob (or both) themed cakes, saying that they hated their husbands because they didn’t get one, as well as people saying how cute it is…

and then i realised I’M the issue because if i was ever forced to have a kid and someone got me a cow or boob themed cake for breastfeeding i would feel so incredibly dehumanised and disgusted. i know women can produce milk but being called a cow would send me over the edge.

Whenever I hear somebody who does have children tell another person who is child-free that since you don't have children, who do you expect to take care of you in your old age? To me that just says that some parents seem to believe that children are just put on this earth for the sole purpose of serving them.

I was in an outpatient mental health program for depression and during a group session the leading therapist mentions something about "when" we have children.

I said that for me, having kids would be an unethical decision, personally. The therapist was so intrigued and flabbergasted by my statement that he abandoned the group material and asked me to clarify. I explained, of course, suffering, and how we force suffering on human beings who can't consent when we decide to have children.

While this therapist starts to agree with me another patient, who is an ecologist recently discharged from a psych hospital says she still plans to have children because it's "just nature and every other species does it."

I agreed that while we have the same evolutionary, biological drive to reproduce as other species, we are the only species with an advanced pre-frontal cortex that allows for complex planning and ethical decision making. (Insinuating that her reasoning alone didn't justify reproduction).

She yelled at the therapist for going so far off topic and promptly left the group session and we could all hear her yelling in another room.

I keep seeing posts arguing, “Would you save a random kid over your dog?” And then everyone who picks their dog is a demon. I’m sorry but why would I save a living thing that I have no responsibility for over one that I do?

My favorite niece asked me this when she was three years old. I (30 y.o F at the time) answered "yes of course" . She was utterly shocked. I asked why and she said "because real adults have children."

🤦‍♀️

(Lol also sorry for spamming this subreddit. I'm just having a really reminiscent day of all the BS I've heard while being CF.)

"you will be so beautiful pregnant"

"You are so nice with kids"

"You will be an amazing mom"

She keeps telling me stuff like this every chance she gets.

She started when I naively told her I don't want children and she GASPED and started her personal battle with making me change my mind

Before you say it: no, I can't tell her to fuck off. Yes, I tried to tell her I'm infertile. Yes, I'm leaving this job soon.

But till I leave I have to endure her. And my question is why???

I just stay silent at this point because I'm tired to say "no thanks" and "nope! Not happening". She acts like she didn't hear me, smirks and continues.

Just ranting, but curious to hear if someone was in a similar situation??

I really don't understand the point. Like it's really creepy celebrating what genitals your baby has, and for what? Way to engrain gender roles before they're even born. I feel like people who care that much shouldn't even be reproducing.

my best friend is a doctor who has worked in several different departments and hospitals across europe, and she’s currently working in psychiatry. ironically, she’s also happily childfree herself, to the point where she’s never even taken care of a plant. but recently, she told me something quite seriously that genuinely got under my skin. based on everything she’s witnessed throughout her career, she believes having at least one child is almost a necessity if you want to avoid being neglected or ending up in terrible conditions when you’re old, sick, and vulnerable. according to her, she’s seen just how badly elderly people without family support can be treated in hospitals, and having a child you maintain a good relationship with, assuming you’re lucky enough, can make an enormous difference in how comfortably and safely you age.

of course, i immediately brought up all the obvious arguments. having a child doesn’t guarantee they’ll take care of you. what if they die before you? what if they’re sick themselves, don’t love you, turn out to be terrible people, or simply don’t want that responsibility? and more importantly, how is bringing an entire human being into existence just to secure yourself a caregiver in old age remotely reasonable or ethical? i’m fully aware of all of this. i would never abandon my principles and have a child, or even get married, purely out of fear of growing old, becoming incontinent, or having nobody to look after me. i don’t believe in assigning that kind of responsibility to another human being. but despite all my rational objections, what she said has been bothering me like a tiny, persistent itch in the back of my mind. and what makes it harder to dismiss is that she’s not some random person preaching about the joys of motherhood. she’s a childfree doctor who’s actually witnessed these situations firsthand, in multiple healthcare systems.

so i’d really love to hear from fellow childfree people here, especially those who are older or have already dealt with aging, hospitalization, serious illness, or caring for elderly relatives. i’m not looking for the usual responses about how children aren’t guaranteed to care for you, how they might die, become disabled, resent you, or abandon you. believe me, i’ve already considered all of those possibilities. i’m more interested in what you actually think about the vulnerability of aging without children, whether you’ve witnessed anything similar, and how you realistically plan to navigate that stage of life. has anyone else had a conversation or experience that made them question their sense of security about growing old childfree, even without changing their mind about having children?

edit: thank you all for your responses!
thank you, everyone. you’ve once again reminded me why i’m happy with my decision to remain childfree.
i especially appreciate the comments from healthcare workers, people caring for their aging parents, and those experiencing later stages of life firsthand. your perspectives have been incredibly valuable.

i’d like to clarify a few things.
first, i’ve lived in europe and the surrounding region, and so has my doctor friend. judging by the comments, people living in europe seemed to relate more closely to what i described.
second, i’ve never particularly liked children, and i’m genuinely happy being childfree. i fully intend to remain that way. even if being childfree were the sole reason i ended up dying completely alone, i’d still be perfectly at peace with my decision.
also, to those pointing out that having children doesn’t guarantee you won’t die alone, or that expecting your children to care for you in old age is selfish: i know. i already explicitly addressed both points in my original post. i completely agree, and that’s precisely why i brought them up in the first place.
what surprised me was hearing these concerns from a friend i thought shared my views. her perspective came from years of working in healthcare specifically in europe, where she’d repeatedly encountered elderly people without children or close family struggling in old age. i agree that her experience may reflect a relatively narrow and disproportionately difficult subset of cases rather than the broader reality.
ultimately, your comments reminded me that there’s no single way to grow old. beyond the usual advice to make friends and build a community, i learned about services i didn’t even know existed, such as hiring a medical or patient advocate to help manage healthcare needs in old age. as far as i know, such services aren’t available in my country, and i hope that changes someday.
thank you again for sharing your experiences and helping me see the bigger picture. i really appreciate it.

i’m currently going through a lot of emotions so i do want to apologize if my writing is all over the place, i’m struggling with processing this and i really just need a safe space right now.

i had a fucking long and awful day and i never really had a habit of opening up to anyone in my household (mom and grandma), but today was so hard that i wanted to talk about with somebody, but i just got reminded why i didn’t really do it in the first place.

without going into much details, the whole conversation with my (18f) grandma (60) has shifted into abortion/childfree topics and i tried to reason with her why is abortion healthcare and why should we firstly consider the wellbeing of already existing humans instead of worrying about literal cell clusters, to which she replied that i am being nuts. well, i can take that, i knew that she’s mad conservative and i knew what i was getting into, but i stupidly had last hope in me that if i at least try to give her an example on me, she would have be more empathetic. because of multiple health issues and conditions (a lot being tied to my reproductive system), pregnancy would be fatal for me and that’s why i will never have kids, to which she replied that because of this i basically hold no value as a human and i am useless as a woman if i cannot/wouldn’t want to bear a child. she told me that with no grudges, already knowing that i am struggling immensely with my health/mental issues and i am on a thin line of being hospitalized.

i don’t really know what i want to say more, i am just feeling so devastated and crushed, because this was the woman that basically raised me (my mom being less present and my father never being in the picture) and now she’s telling me my existence is basically meaningless, her only reasoning against abortion/being childfree being……. (take a wild guess…!) religion!

i feel i just feel really lonely knowing no one in my family actually sees me as a valuable human being, but only for things i can provide, but i am childfree by choice and also atheist, so i am basically worthless.

please dear women, let it be a message for you - you ARE worth the world because you ARE. you breathe, and thats basically the only criteria that u have to meet in order to mean something, and never let anyone define you as anything else. you are amazing and deserve the world no matter of your personal choices. i love you all most, take care

There seems to be so much news and social media about how birth rates are dropping, people can't afford to have kids, people not wanting marriage, etc.

But if you go actually outside, at least in my country (Australia), holy damn you can barely find a single person who is not FROTHING at the mouth to absolutely SPEEDRUN the most nuclear family life ever.

I swear to god, "birth rate dropping" but PLEASE try telling the average person you don't want kids - they will look at you like you're an alien. The news is just not true, and having kids is effectively as entrenched as ever.

I'm mid 20s and already a significant proportion of friends getting married or looking to get married soon, with the next step being kids. And no joke, I only know 1 person who doesn't want kids and even they are not 100% convicted. These hypothetical "don't want kids" people don't exist man. We are like pixie dust. Not real.

Also a minor side psyop: "birth rate dropping" except if you look at the birth rate in most western countries, it's still well above 1 child per woman, meaning on average every couple is still having kids lmao. It's just that it's below the replacement rate, which apparently means the world is ending (boo hoo capitalism meat grinder society)

Long rant on the entitlement of parents incoming!

I used to visit my sister all the time. Gave gifts (often high quality handmade crocheted stuff that took me hours and they were very happy with), called, played with them. Even cleaned her whole house (it was a huge mess, took me hours) and watched her kids and fed them while she was in the hospital having her fifth kid. This wasn’t easy for me since I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome and don’t live close to her. She literally has visited me once in the ten years I left home for university and got my own place. We have a 10 year age gap so she was long gone when I was 18 and moved out. So I was doing all of this while being broke, young and chronically ill.

Then one day around a year ago I was supposed to go with my mom to look for new furniture, and my sister suddenly wanted to come. I politely asked if she had a babysitter (her kids are absolutely wild and don’t listen, but I didn’t say that out loud) because I wanted to take my time with looking at cushions and such and that might be boring for them. She got extremely mad, didn’t come, and I didn’t hear from her for a long time. I had a really hard year that year and got admitted to a mental hospital a couple of times even and admitted for an attempt (I’m doing great now though!). Not a single thing from her. My family gossips a lot so she definitely knew.

Fast forward to present day. We made up. I called her on her and her child’s birthday. Later asked if she wanted to call and talked to her and the kids for a while. Not long after my birthday rolls around and not a single peep from her. And that’s when I was fed up and stopped contacting her.

This week I messaged her to ask her if she could help me clean my dad’s house. My dad isn’t her biological dad but he’s supported her a lot over the years and sees her as his own child. Long story short but he’s a hoarder and paralysed on one side of his body and it has gotten out of hand. I got a long message back that she’s hurt that I only contact her about my dad and I don’t come on her children’s birthdays’ or ask her how she’s doing. And she can’t help me of course because she’s busy with the kids.

I’m tired y’all. Our last message before that was literally me asking how she’s doing and if she wants to call. Message before that was me calling her for her and her child’s birthday (they’re on the same day). I sent a rant back basically saying all I’ve said here and blocked her. I just can’t anymore. My other two sisters are the EXACT same. I really hate this mentality that everything revolves around them and the kids and they expect you to show up even though they treat you like shit.

And honestly, I didn’t even ask to become an aunt. I love my nieces and nephews but I do not enjoy the birthday parties, the shrieking, the lack of personal space, always getting sick after visiting them. But I did it anyway. Even though I have 11 (!) nieces and nephews and keeping up with all of them is impossible, I tried my best. It’s just never enough.

So my mother in law is still pining hard for a grandbaby, to the point where my husband may consider a divorce (that's another rant for another time. I've already ranted too much today 🥲).

A couple of months ago she asks me, "Don't you want to see little copies of yourself running around?"

I said "not one bit. Not even a little."

She told me I need to love myself more.

Update:

Hi, this might get me some downvotes because I feel like I've been so stupid. But people are asking for the tea ☕ between my husband and I, so I'm deciding to post the deets:

My husband and I are officially not on the same page. When we started dating eight years ago, he knew I didn't want kids and said he DID want them, but was fine with my decision (turns out he thought he could change my mind). When he proposed four years ago, I asked, "Are you sure? I don't want kids." He said that's okay and he wanted to make me happy. (I now know his plan was surrogacy or even a sister wife situation where we stay married and someone else bears his children 🫠) We're in our early 30s now. I forgot to mention that when we bought our home four years ago his parents started staying over often and his mom and I had a bit of an altercation. That's when she told me, "When I found out you didn't want kids, I actually told my son to keep it moving." 😬 We're on better terms now, but she's since developed breast cancer. She's afraid of recurrence and has expressed fears dying early before seeing her grandchildren. The burden falls on my husband as an only child.

I decided we should restart marriage counseling. Our new therapist helped us get EVERYTHING out on the table, and that's how I found out about my husband's underlying ideas. The therapist asked if I was okay with the surrogacy/sister wife/"baby mama" idea. I said no. He asked my husband if he was okay with us never having kids. Husband said no. Then he asked if he'd be willing to leave the marriage over it. Husband said yes. I'm starting to realize after writing this that perhaps when she said I need to love myself more, she's referring to me not being with a man that seems to only want me as an incubator.

Maybe I’m sleep deprived.

I see people around me who have kids. They look shattered and exhausted. Most have it rough now. The economy is awful. I can’t attest to whether they do or don’t regret having children; that’s none of my business.

But I feel so free and liberated, even if, technically, I’m not (capitalism!). If I get to the point where I’d like to run away and learn to grow my own produce, I absolutely can. I don’t have to worry about hungry mouths to feed, or the myriad of chores. I can — as a 25-years-old woman — spend money unwisely; the only person I have to care about myself is me, and that’s fantastic. I can watch what I want. Do what I want, even if I’m poor (within reason). I can sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and just exist without expectations, and that’s fucking amazing.

I never was ambitious. I always thought I’d have kids but didn’t understand why — even though I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body. And I’m so glad I don’t, and won’t have children. My body is my own. My time is my own. My money, against potential better judgement, is my own. Everything is mine, and if it fucks up, the only person I have to think about fixing it for is me

Exactly; that's why I don't insist that everyone has to be like me!

I'm glad a lot of people want to have kids and go on to have them.

Indeed, I would even say that I'm glad MOST people do.

I work in higher ed, so my job is dependent on at least some people having kids.

But I choose not to, and I like spending time with other people who don't as well. I also have friends who are parents of littles (who I see less frequently, for obvious reasons) and parents of growns (who have time to hang out more).

I’m currently reading a book where the main character is a mom fighting to find meaning in her life and trying to re-establish her identity outside “mom”. Then I saw a video on social media asking a career woman with kids what hobbies she has and she laughed and basically said she doesn’t have time for hobbies. I also have a friend who’s a mom who’s married to the father of her children and struggling to keep everything together with 2 kids and a FT job. I respect that in all these scenarios, these women chose parenthood. None of them have stated they regret having kids. It’s just the total loss of self that comes with motherhood that baffles me. Who wants that? Why does that seem appealing? Furthermore, if it were any human other than a child, we would label the situation “unhealthy”. Certainly no one would encourage these woman to stay with a man who robs her of all her attention and time and whose needs were always placed above her own. Can you even imagine if the level of care and attention were given to a significant other?

Obviously I know what I'm putting myself in as I attend community events that do invite family friendly spaces. I even help sometimes and join in on the charity related events. I hate people I do not hate people enough to want the world to be a horrible place. The same goes for children. I hate them but I will never bully or abuse them. I do it to the negligent parents instead.

It's odd I know. I've been making sure that the Angel Tree's are empty of cards, I've collected things for the hospice for all ages, if I notice a child needing help I will go help them. I'm a bad guy but I'm not the bad guy.

I'm confused lately. I see parents treating children like they are stains on their expensive clothes. How is it they claim to love them but they treat children so badly when I notice childfree people are more likely to treat them with kindness and respect?

With all of the Lindsay clancy stuff on twitter, I have noticed that when women post about their positive experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, they are praised. If a woman shows her negative experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, they are shamed immediately and turned into a spectacle of how women hate their kids. I really think this is because people don’t want to show real sides to motherhood. They want young impressionable women to think it’s blissful and there’s never any problems to trick them into doing it.

I will never understand why breeders and the like fawn over ultrasound photos so much. It’s not cute. It’s doesn’t make me go “Awww!” It’s creepy, gross and doesn’t even look like very much. “Wanna see my baby??!! No, I do not. The only thing worse than an ultrasound photo is a 3D ultrasound photo. Now that’s the stuff nightmares are made of. YIKES 😬 H

Be kind to me as I’m not as confident as some of you CF baddies and baddos lol.

This weeks just felt like this topics been in my face again.

To start, a close friend of mine had a baby a month ago. I never knew she wanted kids and she was CF but her husband (12 year younger) convinced her into it. Prior to giving birth, she was venting to me (she’s in Europe and I am in US so we rely on voice notes and video chat to communicate) that she was doing this for him and how she keeps feeling nothing maternal. She also told me it was making her on edge this baby will be born and require every second of her attention.

Context about her, she’s a free spirit. She loves being spontaneous, traveling, concerts, fashion, getting her nails done with cool designs, brunch boozing etc

She also found out at age 10 her real Dad left her mom when she got pregnant so her “Dad” wasn’t her bio Dad and and is her adoptive father and has had deep issues with her sister who is his bio daughter. I’ve talked to her about healing those wounds as her sister is really sweet .. and I know she’s trying .. but she’s told me that made her resent parenthood

I’ll be clear, I know she’s allowed to change her mind but I was surprised she gave into it. But I was supportive and happy for her. She usually checks in every 2-3 weeks and I do too. I know she’s slammed busy but I’m realizing this will be the new norm for a while. Which I’m fine with but it’s just the change is now palpable. She told me the last time we talked she didn’t get to put baby down by himself for 48 hours and she was losing it.

I’m a believer that some people don’t want kids and it happens and they love it but it’s just like I’m grieving a loss.

Then this week it seems like I’m seeing lots of reproduction praise and I have to look away. Someone on my feed (I only have FB) just opened a business and they posted a small post and got barely any likes, but someone posted their gender reveal video and got tons of comments and praise. I get that too but the business was a cool thing to share. Someone else I follow got their degree and same thing, attention was minimal but a mutual friend posted about their kid and a different story.

I understand people go to what they relate to but still…

I worked as nanny for 8 years and that makes me just so freaking sure that I don’t want kids.

I have moments of daydreaming where I’m like it would be nice to have kids- but the work.. the never ending work.

People talk about how tough it is to raise kids but also it’s just so rewarding. To me, I’ve seen the rewards- the smiles, the kids needing you, them learning something you taught them, silly jokes- it IS rewarding- it’s just not nearly enough rewarding.

The reward is no where near the struggle.

It’s not worth the peace and quiet and cleanliness. It’s not worth the constant noise- like it’s always there, whining fussing babbling playing and crying. It’s not worth the effort, I get to clock out at 6pm- and I’m always relieved- i love the kids, but imagine never clocking out… nope.

Kids are ungrateful, they want instant gratification or there’s a meltdown (that’s how they’re wired), they are messy and loud. I used to go home w migraines from the constant screaming some days.

The biggest factor is- it’s boring, mind numbingly boring. Your life revolves around diapers poops teething. Daycare pick/drop offs. Schools, acitivies.
You have parent friends who also have the same conversations. Every parent thinks their kid is special, but I mean.. not really. Maybe nannying has taken away the magic of the seeing the child walk or talk for the first time- the “firsts”- but I’m ok with never experiencing that for myself. It’s simply not special enough. A billion people before them have learned to clap and walk and point..

I cannot imagine my life revolving around that- you can’t talk politics, books, art, or anything of meaning, because u don’t have the time to engage with that, and eventually you stop caring.

Another thing, I feel every one has kids and the family and the traditional life. And we’ve got just one life- why would I want to do something everyone is doing, they have the same experience, like truly- as a former nanny- they are all the same.

I’ve many many reasons to be childfree. Sometimes when I’m day dreaming, I remember how physically relieved I used to feel at 6pm and I’d love that to be my normal haha

I work at a library and every halloween the staff decorate pumpkins to look like characters from children's books. This was my first year participating and I decided to do "Click, Clack, Moo: Cows that Type" after finding pumpkins and a squash I could turn into a duck and some cows. I spent late nights making this after work and I was pretty proud of how they turned out. Well I'm just lucky I took pictures before because on day one of being displayed in the kids area they were destroyed. The paint had been scratched off the surface, a cow ear was torn off, and my duck's pencil was stolen (both the ear and the pencil were superglued). I suppose I didn't really expect anything more but it just sucks watching something you created get destroyed because children (and mostly their parents, since they're displayed on high bookshelves) have no chill.