so i'm not sure if this is just because i'm autistic or what but i kinda wish human relationships worked like cat relationships do. like cats can be really close friends and snuggle and bond for life, but there's still no expectation of exclusivity or special rituals. they just love each other and that's all that matters. i really long for the physical and emotional closeness of another person, but don't enjoy the expectations and rituals that come with a romantic relationship. the dynamic change when i have gotten in relationships before was not enjoyable, but that was also all in middle school and i'm 20 now. i just wish that i could be closer with my friends without them expecting or thinking i want more. i don't really know what to do with this information though. like if somebody i was close with wanted to get into a relationship with me, would i just specify how i view relationships and make sure they're chill with that? i feel like the only way i'd get the closeness i want is through a romantic relationship so i don't really feel comfortable identifying as aromantic, but idk. i listen to the way people talk about romance and it doesn't make any sense to me. it always just sounds like they're really good friends who might be physically attracted to each other (i have asexual friends so that's not always the case), or sometimes they don't even like each other as people and are just interacting for the sake of romance, which is SO weird and scary. i guess i just don't really understand the difference between romantic love and platonic love, but i've experienced a vibe shift in the interactions when i got into relationships and i did not like it. i just wanted my friend back while still being able to be close. sorry about the tangents, it's 3am and i am tired. just wanted to see if this aligns with other aromantic experiences or if i'm just alloromantic and weird because this has been haunting me. idk why, i don't even care about labels that much, but i guess i want to be prepared in case somebody i care about does randomly get a crush on me, because i don't want a repeat of middle school, but also don't want to be alone forever??

I made a post over in relationship advice hoping to get some help over being overly anxious about dating this girl that i've liked for years. I ended up confessing out of guilt because I cared for her as a friend and I felt like I was betraying our friendship. I FULLY expected her to reject me just so I could move on with my life but she ended up returning my feelings. It's hard to explain but even though I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders the fact that she's actually showing interest in me is freaking me out. I'm not even happy about it anymore it irks me being called petnames when it's not ironic, i don't enjoy the thought of doing anything romantic anymore because it's no longer wishful daydreaming now it's a possibility- it's expected of me to want to do those things. This soon-to-be relationship is causing me a lot more stress which I thought i'd get over now that i'm an adult.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I used to "like" this kid in summercamp and when they asked me out i said yes because i hadn't experienced a relationship and a lot of my peers had. I always saw them so happy and obviously into the other person but I could never do that. I just start avoiding them the moment they like me back. I have no issues expressing care/love for my friends so why am I struggling to feel this way for someone I crushed on for years?! I don't understand it and it's driving me crazy.

edit: she's very dear to me and a wonderful friend. the last thing I want to do is hurt her because i'm feeling sick. I feel stuck and like I did this to myself. i feel guilty even saying I regret confessing at all because it would've saved me the trouble. idk if it even matters but I like writing romance stories and I most of my characters are in relationships but the issue is purely when it's me in a romantic situation- i just can't handle it.

Recently I got broken up with (womp womp) and I just didn't feel anything, and I don't believe I ever did. Not "I didn't feel anything" in the edgelord way, but I just never felt anything that people describe. I still enjoyed being in a relationship and doing the stuff people do together when they're dating. If you need more information then lmk, but does this match anything y'all feel?

i've gotten myself into a situation. when i (female) was 17 i got dumped by my ex. im now in college and earlier this year i decided to try a dating app. i met a girl and we went on a lot of dates. i didn't really feel particularly attracted to her. since my ex i didn't feel attracted to anyone. i didn't get crushes or anything. I enjoyed spending time with her. she's not someone i would usually date, we have some overlapping interests but we are also very different. we talked over summer break and we made it official about a month ago.
since then it's been fine. i haven't really felt anything romantic. i've grown closer to her and i enjoy her presence and i like to cuddle with her, but i don't really feel anything. when we were talking we made out one time a little but now we don't at all. we kiss but it's just like a peck. i'm starting to think i don't like anyone.
i enjoy fictional characters, i like reading fanfic and i like self insert fics. i feel attracted to fictional characters but not real people? i feel like a loser for this. i enjoy being alone. i feel like maybe im just trying to isolate myself and if i broke up with my girlfriend id be ruining a perfectly good relationship i had. i don't really want anything physical with her, and sometimes when she comes over i want her to leave so i can be by myself. i like spending time with her a lot but i enjoy my alone time a lot. i'm really confused and i don't know how to go forward.
i felt romantic attraction in the past but in the last two years it's been like an off switch in my brain. nothing at all. my girlfriend says she likes me and enjoys being with me, but whenever i'm with her i feel so guilty and like im tricking her or something. i don't know how to move forward. this is also her first relationship, so I would feel like a horrible person if i broke up with her. and she's told basically all her friends about me. what do i do? am i just really really demisexual? or just asexual? or aromantic? i have no clue at this point.

Heya so this is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while and I wanted to get a second opinion on this.

TLDR: friend said he has feelings for me, we talked about it, the friendship is on the pause, what are your thoughts?

Storytime:
So, recently I was talking with my friend and he mentioned the dreaded thing of every aro, "OP, I have feelings for you". So of course I immediately shot that down because a) I have a partner, b) I am aro and c) I am simply not interested.

Thanfully, my friend is a normal person and we were able to have a peaceful and mature conversation about this, resulting into him taking some space from our firendship for the time being to get over his crush (his idea, not mine). I was very glad to hear this because I did have the misfortune of having to deal with people who didn't take rejection lightly (hence, we no longer talk).

And due to that I am now thinking about this debacle, because I have known people who waited for me to "change my mind" (which, of course, didn't happen because my partner is amazing and I didn't find them attractive).

But I also stayed friends with a guy from uni who shared that he finds me attractive. I told him that in no way is this appropriate and that I am uncomfortable with him just, telling me that? He apologised and completely understands how that might come across, we now talk regulary and he has never made a move on me or commented on my body.

My partner is not worried, I have told him everything for full transparency and gave him the ability to veto these friendships if he would ever feel diserspected. We both are adults and he knows that I have no problem setting boundaries and keeping them alive and well.
Storytime end

But I am interested in hearing what is YOUR stand on this. Do you stay friends with people who have found interest in you? Or do you back away from said friendship?

Hi y'all! Long story "short", I met someone very cool online and we do like each other, I already knew they were aroace so I lowered my expectations from the get go and did not have romantic intentions, but with time they started being kind of affectionate in a way that looked a lot like flirting to me, sending kissing gifs, reacting with heart emojis, complimenting my voice... They didn't seem to mind when I "flirted" back, even

I started catching feelings so thankfully I asked directly yesterday if it was that and we cleared it up without ruining the friendship. They're just like that with very close friends (I'm a very close friend yay). Still I'm new to this so advice is needed ;w;

(they seem to be a little new to the concept as well but they identify with it)

I think i am aroace but at the same time i like reading "x reader" fanfics, imagining myself in romantic and sxual scenarios.. so i think there is a chance i might not be aroace? But then i jave never really felt these feelings for anyone irl but i want to(?) im 18 so is it possible i just haven't met the right one yet?

Personally, I believe that pornography, or at least actually good pornography, can be a good outlet for exploring your sexuality and discovering things about yourself as an aromantic since aromantic allosexual people are more limited in terms of sexual options. On top of that, I believe that prostitution should be legalized because not only does it keep sex workers safe, but it destigmatizes sex as a whole by treating sexuality as a fact of life instead of this precious fragile thing tied to romance, something highly beneficial to aroallos. So what’s your opinion on sex work as aromantics?

I met someone a few weeks ago. We went on a few “hangouts” as we called them. On our second hangout we ended up cuddling during a horror movie, held hands and they asked me if we were dating. I had been feeling…idk, something towards them. Maybe a squish, maybe just caught up in the enjoyment of spending time in person with someone…but now I think I’ve messed up by agreeing to date them.

I’m just gonna continue this is a weird, journal-ish way cause idk how else to format this.

I am absolutely meh/slightly icked by kissing. Realized it when we kissed on our second date…and we kissed a lot. It didn’t do anything for me, it was just kinda what I felt we ought to do in the moment and wet…very wet (I’m giggling typing this, but I hate saliva and there was all too much of it).

I have had horrible anxiety for the last 3 days since we made it official. Constant, twisting of knots in my stomach. I feel guilty because I don’t think I like him as much as he likes me (he practically melts whenever he’s talking about me, which he is doing a lot of to his friends). I thought it was cause we were moving too fast, but idk now.

He calls me gorgeous, out of his league, pretty, etc. and I legit had to remind myself to call him handsome…because while he’s definitely an attractive guy…I don’t look at him and go “wow” he’s just…a guy.

It feels like he talks a lot about his world and his life and is open, but I just don’t feel like I can do the same around him. I feel like I’m putting up a persona of “the sweet, lovable person” to fit into this situation. And then I feel guilty and blame myself as that is something that only I can blame myself for.

I’m a little nervous he doesn’t accept that I’m gender-fluid. When we were talking he asked about pronouns and I said “I’m fine with anything as long as you’re saying it with respect” he told me he’d probably call me mostly she/her as it’s easier for him to remember. But now whenever I hear him call me “she” It feels wrong somewhere deep in my gut. He also doesn’t call his sibling by the name they apparently prefer to be called by, still addresses them as his “brother” and his entire family doesn’t want then to start estrogen because it will “increase their risk of cancer”.

And hilariously, I already miss my independence. I’ve with him for not even three days and feel like I’m losing myself to this idea that I need to now be a “partner” and not just “me”. I like my independence, I think about possibly living with someone else for the rest of my life and if I’m honest, I kinda dread that. But that could be a defence mechanism.

I’m so scared to break up with him because I don’t know if this lack of feelings is because I’m Aro. (And fuck, that’s gonna suck to tell him cause I told him he made me feel some kind of way I hadn’t before when meeting people, but idk if it’s romantic attraction). Or maybe it’s because I’m panicking at the sudden closeness and I and shutting off any emotions.

And I also know it’s stupid to have the fear of this, but I still wanna hang out with him and play video games and be stupid young adults. But every time I’ve rejected someone I feel like either I or they pull away. We work together on an acting project, we are in two different dnd campaigns together, we’ve been working through RE together.

I’m going insane and I hate it and I don’t wanna hurt him. And I’m scared that I actually DO like him like that. Cause he’s funny, and when he texts me I smile, and when he’s flustered it’s nice, and being physically close to someone is wonderful. And I can’t rely on my parents as my closest people forever cause that’s not healthy. But I’m scared. And I think that’s the biggest thing, I’m just always scared and stressed nowadays. And no one I talk to who’s allo has said that they felt anything similar to what I’ve felt before (not that I describe how I’m feeling and they say that, I ask and their descriptions sound like that.) and it DOES take me a while to get comfortable with people (like…4 months a while) and this relationship happened in less than 2 weeks…when we’re online I can chat quite happily for hours, but when we’re in person it feels like I’m forcing it…I hate this.

I don’t know exactly WHAT advice I’m looking for, I just need people who are Ace or Aro and can look at this through an objective lense. So yeah…I may have fucked up and now I’m crying in my room, rambling about this situation as I try and find some way to keep people and myself happy. Please advise…please

I realized I'm aromantic recently as well as a relationship anarchist. This has been a very enlightening discovery in many ways. I have a girlfriend and have no intentions of breaking up with her because my aromanticness isn't an issue in the relationship. She understands me and how I function and the relationship works even though I don't experience romantic attraction.

I love my girlfriend in every way I am capable of loving someone and I call her "wife" almost like a petname even though we are not married because I just find it cute. I don't care if we are married or not, it doesn't make much of a difference in our relationship. She doesn't seem too invested in the concept of marriage either. However, despite the fact that I'm not into marriage and I am even morally against it in some ways, it's still something I find myself desiring.

Thing is, we are both trans and have families that aren't 100% transphobic but aren't 100% supportive either. I have constantly felt the need to prove myself to my family and also to hers. Weddings are such gendered events and they're also a symbol of growing up. They seem to cement your status and identity in a lot of ways. It's appealing to me in that sense. But I feel guilty for seeing marriage that way when it is such an emotional and important event for other people even if it is a construct.

I've kinda mentioned this to her and she didn't seem to really care probably because she just isn't very interested in marriage at least right now. But I do worry that it would become an issue down the line. I worry that I would treat the wedding as an event for status rather than a celebration of our relationship. And while she would probably expect that because she knows me, I still don't want to disappoint her.

Idk, I'm wondering if anyone here has willingly gotten married and what that was like. The main aspect of romance that I don't relate to is making someone the most important person in your life. That's kinda what weddings are all about. If I can't go into one with that goal then what is the point?

Hii, I'm 18 and today I discovered the microlabels nebularomantism and frayromantism;

I really relate to frayromantism as I have 4 relationships which ended all the same: I fell in love, for two of them thought 'they're my soulmate!' (no), then got in a relationship with them, then poof, the more time passes the more my feelings go away until there's none. So I break up with them (3 of them at least, one of them was the other way around though it was more like a mutual breakup), feel very guilty, and start doubting if I am capable of loving someone forever (which I genuinely want to)

I already wondered if maybe I am lithromantic, but since my feelings didn't get away right after they were reciprocated, I don't think it's that, and I don't feel like it's about reciprocity

It also happened without me being in a relationship, as I have an online friend when meeting him I was (again) like 'he's my soulmate for sure!" then the more time passed, the more we talked, the more we got to know each other, the more those feelings faded and now I realize I don't have any more for him

So I'm thinking there's high chances I'm frayromantic (if you think I'm wrong or if another label fits best, you can tell me about it)

Also, I'm questioning myself about nebularomantism, which I understood is basically the same as platinoromantism though it's explained by neurodivergency so it's exclusive to neurodivergent people, tell me if I'm wrong

Though I don't really get why there's 2 microlabels meaning the same thing (even if it's explained by neurodivergency, why create another microlabel?), so I don't know, if you do know or if there are differences please tell me about it

So I have ASD, which is why I'm talking about nebularomantism

It's kinda hard to explain but I feel like I had lots of crushes and that some (or most?) may just be me wanting to simply be friends with the person but I can hardly differentiate it

Like for example, when I started school this year, in a new one, there was this girl that I thought was just so wow. I thought maybe I have a little crush on her. Then it kinda faded when I had a bad vibe at some point, but thinking back about it I probably just wanted to be close friends with her (I'm kinda friends with her now but it's still too soon to call her that)

And thinking back about most of my crushes, maybe they weren't crushes actually, I think I just wanted to be platonically close to them and thought that was a crush

I don't know if that makes sense

Though for all my crushes I told myself "wow soulmate!" probably they were actually crushes

I'm kinda lost about how I'd feel either way, I feel like if I'd be platonically close to someone, like for example sitting on their lap, I'd be nervous because I'd think it to be romantic while it's not supposed to be? But if it's romantic, I'd only be nervous about what people around might think, or I wouldn't be nervous at all if there's no people around and in a relationship, if not in a relationship (still with none around) I'd be nervous about what happens next and is it platonic?

Thinking about the last one I had to picture it with someone, and now I feel like I have a new crush (on someone I love the vibe but doesn't even know the name), which probably is just me wanting to be close friends with them, yet I keep imagining romantic scenarios, I'm doomed.

Anyway, so I'm lost, and I wanna put labels on what I feel because I'd feel more at ease

Does that sounds like I'm nebularomantic, frayromantic or another microlabel?

(I already posted this, then realized I made a mistake, saying frayromancy and nebularomancy instead of frayromantism and nebularomantism, sorry about that, English is not my mother tongue)

If I 1.wanna be with them forever.🕰️ 2.feel flustered and delighted when seeing them.🌋 3.want to touch them.🌾 4.always thinking about them.🧠 5.want to do all the things in the world with them.🌈 6.I always know nobody is perfect,but I also know that they are perfect.💎 7.don't want to exchange bodily fluids with them.☔ 8.don't want to have a exclusive relationship with them.🥹 9.want to have a committed relationship with them.📝

I barely understand the difference between platonic and romantic attraction (the modern description that every allo spews at me to make me understand) in the first place.

I make a new friend and they show a more intense interest in me, which I return. There's this weird flirtatious hostility and I think, wow, I want to feel this way forever. I like it when they "want to explode me with their head in a good way" and I return the feeling. Then there's that secret next level thing they want from me where what we had has to mellow out and I am supposed to act a certain way, even if I warned that I can never give them the exact kind of vulnerability they want. It's not even a sexual relationship either, most of these people I had this issue with were asexual or even aroace. I don't know what to do, really. I don't feel heartbreak but I feel frustration about losing people over this.

So I haven't felt any romantic feelings towards anyone, and I don't think I ever will. However, at some point in the future, I do want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it's been troubling me cuz I don't know how I'll find someone and be in a romantic relationship with them without feeling romantic feelings for pretty much anyone.

What really sucks is knowing how hard it will be for me to try to date someone without romantic feelings, because if someone wants to date me, what do I do? I wanna date, but I wouldn't know how to reciprocate the feelings. The relationship would not be able to hold because it would feel more like a friendship rather than a romantic relationship.

Any help? It's a reality I refuse to want to accept, and I don't know how I'll get past it. At some point, I wanna watch my children grow up, but I don't know if I'll ever have any, and it's not fair :(

Hi all, I’m a very alloromantic romance writer with an MMC who is turning out pretty aro coded, and i’m thinking of embracing it and having him be somewhere on the aro spectrum. I would love any insights people are comfortable sharing about what it’s like to experience romantic attraction for the first time in a long time, or generally as someone who rarely experiences it. If i’m going to keep the endgame relationship a romance, I want to make sure I’m writing this character’s experience in a way that isn’t alienating for real aro spec folks. Thanks so much to anyone who decides to answer 🖤🤍💚

I've considered myself to be aromantic and pansexual since about my freshman year of highschool. I'd never felt any kind of romantic attraction, and I had a couple QPRs and FWB relationships, but never a romantic relationship.This changed when I met my girlfriend a little over a year ago during my freshman year of college, at first I just really wanted to be friends with her, she was studying with one of my friends and I thought she seemed really cool and wanted to hang out with her. This went on for a while until I realized I was actually for real in love with her. I love being mushy with her and doing all the romantic stuff I hadn't really wanted with anyone else before. She is the only person I've ever felt romantically for, would I still be considered aromantic?

I know aro and other a-spec rep is very lacking, but of the ones we have which is your favorite?

we are a plural system by the way, keep it in min, Baby is the name of a headmate

Oh my god this hasta do with my system so there’s an alter called Baby(they/them) in my system and they hate almost all the friends I have they hated my ex bf ever since the day he accidentally crossed a boundary during sex and then, I switched to a very sex triggered alter I think the two sexualities we have in the system(we both share the same attraction which is Almondsexual, but we have two different sexualities in like how often sexual attraction is experienced so one of them is one of them is Apothisexual/Lithsexual, and the other is Greysexual and also there’s Hypersexual libido which we can’t control it’s what we got, both sides hate the Hypersexuality while the Greysexual side sometimes likes and fetishizes it). and then I texted smth sexual to my friend and he responded with smth equivalent to ok, and now baby is hating him too please stop sabotaging my relationships and sex life with your feelings.

Why is this happening????

Ok so I had a boyfriend (gay t4t) and smth happened with my system, so basically it started as we were talking normally as usual on a topic then it switched to fucking and then some switch happened to a very sex fearful alter and I typed smth like uhhhh I’m mad at myself for wanting to not fuck but I don’t wanna fuck(but more obscure) and he said fuck my face and then I hadta pull out smth like pls stop(well, smth like that) and stop and he stopped and then he said smth supportive and then I told him I was plural he was ok with ithe said smth like you can take out all your anger on me and I said no that’d be abuse and he said I don’t care and I said compromise:(the compromise was telling him my systems feelings abt him which weren’t positive or very graphic in detail just that they hated him for uh the sex thing misconception miscommunication that happened earlier and also that he didn’t share a telepathic connection with em like they do with each other(less valid lol) and yea turns out we have a lot of fucking triggers(that is when the more regressive parts or more fem parts are in co con, NOT all the time) he accidentally set off: such as mention of body parts below stomach in any way, sexual topics, physical contact mention??? Yea) and i seem to rlly hate myself for this because i am so fucking sensitive in this state but it’s the failsafe state because the main consciousness had to go hide in a cave somewhere, and now we’re rlly sensitive without him. He was willing to put up with me in messages then turned reluctant and then asked if he was not allowed to talk abt sexual topics ever and I was then self flagellating and like no no it’s just in this headspace it’s a failsafe! He said smth like ok and then he said he had his notifs on(we were texting the whole time) and then he seems to have deleted the chat that happened around this and that triggered me again I hate feeling so triggered without main consciousness there to guide us into not being a shit and now the headspace is even more triggered by him so I hate this lifeeeeee

TLDR; I have possible DID and multiple alters make up me, and I decided to fuck my boyfriend when I really didn’t want to to get some unpleasant thoughts away, it backfired badly, a very sex averse alter fronted, then I did a vague message rejecting sex but he didn’t read into it enough, then I said no, he respected that, then said he was hyper sexual, which the alter got triggered by, and now a headmate hates my boyfriend and I can’t get over the feelings.

Recientemente dos de mis amigos están comenzando a salir, pero no me lo cuentan todavía, ese es el problema, sobre todo por qué esto es algo que me lleva pasando años y uno de esos amigos ya lo sabía, yo siempre le dije que algo que odiaba y que me pasaba siempre era que mis amigos nunca me contaban nada sobre sus relaciones/intereses amorosos y tenía que enterarme por terceros o hasta adivinarlo y fingir que lo sabía por qué todo el mundo ya lo sabía.

No me había molestado por qué creía que estaban esperando a formalizar para contarnos, pero hoy me di cuenta que en realidad ya les habían dicho a los demás pero les pidieron que nadie me contara nada por qué no querían incomodarme, ya me había dado cuenta que estaban juntos no soy tonto.

Me molesta mucho que me excluyan de esa manera sobre todo sabiendo que eso es algo que siempre me ha molestado, lo peor es que se nota mucho, pero creen que no me doy cuenta, me siento como si me trataran como alguien de otra especie que no tengo derecho a saber sobre esos temas solo por qué no puedo sentir amor.

Está es probablemente la primera vez que publicó algo pero la verdad estoy pasando por un mal momento y de verdad necesito ayuda.

I have no idea if this is the place to post this but, last night my boyfriend (of 1 1/2 yrs) and I were cuddling and he suddenly said he needed to talk to me. He began to cry and essentially told me he’s not sure if he has ever felt romantic feelings toward anyone, including me. He said that the way he feels for me is the closest to that that he can comprehend, but still not quite, and that while he still loves me and wants me to be his girlfriend, he’s always sort of felt like I’m his extremely close best friend who he kisses and loves etc, but not sure if he loves me in the way that people would consider as romantic.

I am not upset with him at all for any of this, but I’m a little bit lost. He keeps repeating that he does still love me and doesn’t want this to change anything, but that he’s just unsure of how his feelings work and that he thinks he may be aromantic. He also confessed that because of the way he feels, he’s worried he might be gay and not know it but that’s something we will discuss another time lmao. (He’s also on the asexual spectrum and bisexual, which I already knew)

I feel like this changes something between us? Like yes I still love him and don’t want to break up or anything but idk, I’m just not sure where to go from here. I know other people have experienced this so, how did you guys work through it? Any tips? I feel kinda weird as we have done sexual things before (and after that convo) and now he’s telling me that he’s unsure if he feels romantic feelings lol

I would never judge him at all and if he wants to break up with me to figure things out I will be completely fine with that and support him no matter what. I’m just unsure is all and I honestly just need some advice

edit: I think its also worth mentioning I am demisexual and bi, and in the past have wondered if I am on the aromantic spectrum. I would like to say that I understand his feelings pretty well, but I’m just concerned this will turn into me wondering if he loves me the same way I love him. I do think I love him romantically but it was only like that a few months into us dating if I’m being honest, before that I too viewed him as a super close best friend who I cuddle with and call my boyfriend.

not sure if this is the right place for it but needed to rant about my situation. i find being cupioromantic so frustrating. because there are select few people in my life i'd like to date, but also because i don't develop actual feelings it's not like i can go and confess to them. sure i could ask them out but i'd prefer to be asked out so i can be reassured that i am indeed wanted. i'm an overthinker like that.

i haven't had a squish or anything like it in many many years. until recently this one guy friend i have we went from acquaintances to close friends with subtle talking stage vibes where we stay up until 3am talking about deep stuff. recently we ended up talking about our expectations for a romantic relationship for reasons i still don't get.

i was just telling him i was planning to further my studies abroad when he suddenly asked me if i have plans to settle down. he told me it's like he wants to but he's resigned to the fact that he probably can't find anyone because he isn't sure he's able to juggle responsibilities of getting married while taking care of his parents. so he'll need a really patient girl. for me, i would like the experience of a romantic relationship but i guess because there's no intense feelings on my side nor do i want kids that actually sounds perfect for me.

what frustrates me is i can't go and confess or make myself known as available to him very easily because there's nothing to confess in the first place. so i just have to try to hint if anything.

and then i told him about how i do want to date actually. and he asked me if i have anyone in mind. which. as i'm squishing on him, he is the first person that comes to mind. but i can't very well say that can i? so i had to give a vague answer, for me to seriously consider someone i'd need to know they're an option first. which isn't technically a lie but kinda is by omission.

yeah so i'm really hoping he'll see me as an option because i don't have any moves to make either. i also do worry though that if we end up dating, while i will like him so much, i still worry it's unfair if i can't exactly return romantic feelings. idk how i'll get over him considering how rare these feelings are for me, but i don't see a future for us regardless. it's frustrating wanting the experience but not being able to live up to the requirements.

hello, im a bisexual guy (allo), i’ve been talking to a very sweet guy that identifies as aroace. Being very sensitive to rejection im afraid that dating him will trigger insecurities as in « he doesn’t love me as much as I love him », insecurities i could also have in allo relationship. hes not entirely repulsed by dating, but he was already left by previous partners bc of his romantic orientation and i don’t want to hurt him. i just don’t understand why he would potentially want to date me if he’s aro ? asexuality i totally get, but romantism is more grey i must admit. if we take things further, i don’t want to pretend i accept a part of him and resent him for it.

Okay this is super recent so maybe I’m making a big deal out of it for nothing, but.

I (21M) have known this guy (22M) for a year and I genuinely thought we were just friends, we don’t talk every day and some times we go months without properly texting. Still, we’re close enough and he knows I’m aroace, we even talked about our exes and other romance-related subjects (now I suspect he never took my words seriously)

A week ago we met up at his place and he started being more flirty than usual, saying he was just horny “for no reason” we talked about BDSM which is not that weird for me (I often talk about sex in a more analytical way with my friends probably because I don’t feel sexual attraction) but then he started asking what I liked which, again, not that weird for my standard tho I could tell something was not strictly platonic. Nothing happened then but we met again the next day because he had offered to help me with statistics since he’s much better than me.

Not gonna get into details but yeah we hooked up, it was good and it’s not like I didn’t want it. I’m asexual but I enjoy sex. Still, I made it clear that was all it was: a hookup. He said he understood and he was too busy for a relationship anyway. We didn’t discuss what kind of relationship we wanted before I left and over message we didn’t pick up the matter.

Now he’s getting a bit clingy, making comments that I consider more flirty romantic than flirty platonic (or even sexual) like saying “I wish you were here so we could cuddle/kiss” “we should do a movie night just the two of us” “miss you so much, my bed still smells like you” and I just don’t know how to tell him that that kind things is not me. I don’t do relationships like that and it makes me physically nauseous, I tried multiple times and it never ends well.

I mentioned again that I am aroace in passing hoping he would pick up on it but that didn’t seem to change his behavior. On one hand I think maybe I’m reading into it and that’s just a way for him to hint at the fact he wants to hookup again without saying it out loud, on the other what he says is clearly more romantic.

If he really wants a relationship I would feel extremely sad not only because I would probably lose a close friend but also because it means he never really understood what I explained multiple times or, maybe worse, he never believed me

Question is in the Titel i guess :) please also mention what label you currently feel good with… like I am cupioromantic/demisexual but i never know how to bring it up so that it does not causes confusion or misunderstandings 🤷🏻‍♀️ like so many ppl just assume that everyone is pursuing or looking for THE ONE and a romantic relationship 😅

So for context I’ve been in this community just kinda seeing all the cool stories and experiences and just haven’t posted as much, I had a coming out post but I believe I archived it, in doing my own reflection and thinking of every “relationship” I’ve had I think I just wanted the closeness like you got with a best friend but it never felt the same, I also realized I didn’t “love” anyone I think i just admired them and wanted to be close to them like you would with a best friend or sometimes it could’ve also been aesthetic attraction or thinking someone is really cool! But honestly I’ve always liked having friends more, it’s never felt as demanding or draining as a romantic relationship, (which feels like a cage) and sure every connection has highs and lows but especially with amazing understanding friends it’s such a good feeling, with “love” it was just lows and maybe I was just trying to follow a societal script
During this time someone came along that asked me out, I’m a bit of a people pleaser and since I knew basic details I thought why not especially since they seem to like me and I felt the “relationship” would feel more friendly than romantic, at that time I was also dealing with a lot like rediscovering my identity, my values etc and i honestly didn’t want to be in anything but alas I was, we were 2 weeks in and as time passed I grew more uncomfortable by the second, at the 3 week mark I realized I’m aro-ace and possibly queerplatonic and had put something along the lines of “I think I might be aro-ace & queerplatonic.. /gen /lh” to which they later replied “are you still into me?” Of course I hate conflict and didn’t wanna say then and there that I wasn’t so I said that I didn’t know, guilt tripping and all I stayed but the next day even though I was trying to be honest & patient they seemed to not understand I didn’t want this so I unfortunately had to block them since the previous attempts to state my feelings were ignored, I don’t like doing these things but when I’m left without choice I have to.
Fast forward to later this night and I was calling with my best friend of three years, funnily enough there was a time where I thought I had a “crush” which honestly thinking about it was a squish.
While we were talking we like to play flirt and joke about marrying each other for tax benefits but allowing one another to still see others (basically her) as if independent, and she made a joke about how if we don’t get bagged by 30 we will marry each other other for tax benefits, and it got me thinking again about how much I’ve thought about her marrying someone else, possibly starting a family with someone else.
We’ve known each other for a long time and she’s the only person who has ever gotten my soul on the deepest level. There’s times I’ve thought about asking her to be in a QPR but have never asked. But when I think of my future she’s always been a part of it, trying to start a band or a business, living together, but in like a platonic way just two friends who make it in life, unfortunately I know barely anything about a QPR & she knows nothing at all, if I asked it’d probably make things awkward and sound like a romantic relationship to her & even then I’d be scared she’d find her “true love” but sometimes I wonder what she’d say too, even if I ever asked it wouldn’t be now or even a year from now.
I genuinely wanna protect her and I care so deeply about her and I don’t think anyone else could be there for her like me, maybe it’s silly but I already call her my platonic wife as a “joke” but sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be a joke, mind you I don’t let ANYONE else play flirt or mess with me like her, but I also don’t want it to cause a rift between us and she’s also a bit younger than me so it’s just a lot of crazy information

TLDR: found out I’m aro-ace & possibly queerplatonic instead of demiromantic after not wanting a recent relationship and self reflecting, found out on a call with my best friend of three years that I’d like a QPR but wouldn’t want to sabotage our friendship or make things awkward despite me not wanting her to share that type of closeness with someone else especially if it’s romantic

I don’t mind advice but please be respectful and don’t urge me to do anything 🤍

Edit: Ignore any typos or just lmk! I’m posting this late at night because it’s burning in my mind lol