Welcome to r/queerplatonic!

https://www.reddit.com/r/queerplatonic/s/wElBnElAW6

OMFG NO WAY NOT ONLY DID SHE ACCEPT SHE RECIPROCATED I'm so happy like you have no idea

Hi y'all! Long story "short", I met someone very cool online and we do like each other, I already knew they were aroace so I lowered my expectations from the get go and did not have romantic intentions, but with time they started being kind of affectionate in a way that looked a lot like flirting to me, sending kissing gifs, reacting with heart emojis, complimenting my voice... They didn't seem to mind when I "flirted" back, even.

I started catching feelings so thankfully I asked directly yesterday if it was that and we cleared it up without ruining the friendship. They're just like that with very close friends (I'm a very close friend yay). Still, I'm new to this so advice is needed ;w;

(they seem to be a little new to the concept as well but they identify with it)

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AAAHAHAUAUAYAYAYUAUEUEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEHEYEYE IM SO SO SO SO SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY AAAHAAHAHHHEHEHEHEUYEYEUEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE THEYRE MY QPP NOWWWW HEHEHE WE'RE LTRLY NAGISAGI ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I LOVE MY HONEYBUNNNNNNNNN

Years ago my best friend asked me if I’d want our friendship to be queer platonic. Ive always been a physically affectionate person, and I loved the idea.

We were physically affectionate with each other after that conversation. We would kiss each other on the forehead or cheek, cuddle, hold hands. It was a lovely source of comfort in my friendship with her.

Within the past year, she’s been wanting to spend more and more time together. I guess it felt like an increase in intimacy in our friendship. At some point, I started having thoughts of kissing her when we were close. I wanted more than friendship. I want a romantic partnership.

Ive been angry with myself and full of guilt.

I asked her what she would say if I ever were to ask for her a date. She very gently let me down— she sees me as a friend, and that’s all.

I respect her feelings; I would never try to change her mind or anything like that. I’ve tried to ask for certain changes to our friendship, to return to platonic-platonic. But even with no more cuddling or hand holding, I can’t shake my desire to be With her. I’m trying to meet people and date, but everybody pales in comparison to her.

How can I get past my romantic feelings for her? Has anybody else dealt with anything like this? I love her so much. I want her in my life. I just want to do what’s best for the friendship.

Hello, friends! As the title states, I’d like your advice on something. My ex uses reddit regularly so I’ll keep things vague.

My ex and I met when we were young adults, started a conventional romantic relationship and they moved in with me and my roommates about a year after we started dating. We were together for over 5 years.

Towards the end of the relationship, we were feeling very out of sync. I’m alloromantic/allosexual and they were discovering they weren’t. They had brought up how much they resonated with the idea of QPRs. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with QPRs and wasn’t in the headspace to broach the conversation with them. My mind was muddled by conventional expectations and I was grieving the shift in our dynamic. Looking back now, it’s a conversation I regret not having with them and, at the very least, not expressing support for finding out about a partnership type that they resonate with. We ended things amicably and agreed to remain friends because we still wanted each other in our lives. The friendship itself was still strong and emotionally close.

Soon after the breakup, I moved out of the house and my ex stayed living with my old roommates. My ex and I hung out regularly for over a year. We were still very emotionally close, telling each other ‘i love you’, and at times physically close like cuddling on the couch. To me, it felt like we were still a couple in a way but without the label. Eventually, I started feeling more and more distance.

After some time, I began missing our previous relationship and wanted to talk about possibly getting back together. My ex stated they were confused about their feelings currently and were only focusing on pursuing QPRs for now. I understood and didn’t push any further.

Just last week, I was chatting with one of my old roommates when they told me my ex has been splitting their time between the house and staying at another person’s apartment on a weekly basis.

I was a bit hurt to find this out and wondered if they’ve entered into another partnership. Considering our history and closeness I thought they would’ve been transparent with me about something like that because I would be transparent with them. I acknowledge though that we are broken up and they don’t owe me anything. I just feel hurt that they wouldn’t be open with me.

I still love them very much. I want to support and root for them as a friend because, in the time I’ve known them, they’ve taken the brave steps to embrace who they are. If they’ve found a partnership that works for them, I want to celebrate that with them.

The hurt part of me feels like my ex is keeping a secret but my adult side says I’m not their person anymore and their private life is not my business.

So, I ask you, would it be overstepping for me to ask them directly if the person they’re staying with is their new QPP? How should I approach it? Or, at this point, is it just none of my business?

I've got a friend I've gotten very close with in the past couple of years, probably closer than I've been with anyone before, even romantic relationships.

She and I are very similar, similar values and past experiences. We're both kind of done with IRL romance while still craving companionship and closeness.

I've been strongly tempted to ask her if she's interested in being in a QPR but I'm just so terrified of her reaction. She's the first healthy good friend I've had in honestly over a decade and I don't want to even risk making her uncomfortable. At the same time though, the thought of it feels right and I don't want to spend a long time wondering "what if" if I never ask her.

I'm autistic so it is harder for me to read people and I do have a history of assuming I'm closer with someone than I actually am.

Are there any clear signs of when it might be a good time to bring up the topic? How did you know that it was a good time to discuss it if you already are in a QPR?

Thanks in advance!

...and it's the best thing that ever happend to us.

We are together for 7 years now and in the beginning it was a normal romantic relationship, I guess. A few months ago I started to question my relationship (and I realized while I always thought I am pansexual, that in fact I am ace, but that's another story). I never had been in such a long relationship (the longest before was 3 months) and I started to aks myself, what romantic love is and where the difference between romantic and platonic is and if I had fallen out of love with my partner.

When I looked at all the people around me and their relationships, they always seemed to be different compared to mine. I never cared about 'typical' romantic stuff like date nights, I never wanted to have children and the thought alone of getting married makes my skin crawl. While I like the idea of romance and I loooove romance media, in real life it just isn't for me.

But society gives us a clear picture of how a relationship has to look like and for a long time I tried to fit in. Until I found out about QPRs. I made my peace with the thought that I might never figure out the difference between romantic and platonic and tbh I don't care anymore - it is how it is.

I was really afraid to talk to my partner, but we have a really good, open and honest communication, so I just told him what I think and how I feel and he just accepted my feelings without questioning it. We live together, but we already slept separately before, but now it really feels like both of us has their own place in our flat. We both feel much more comfortable now and it's like every social pressure and every other weight was lifted from my shoulders. He is the most important person in my life, my safezone and my best friend and I do love him, I just don't know in which way and that's okay. I feel like I can finally breath again and I can finally start to feel like me.

ok so, i am aroace and polyam, i have two romantic partners that i live with,, and i have been with one since 2022 and the other 2025, the one from 2022 is who i am gonna be talking about.. i have been questioning if my love for them have been queerplatonic as of late, and i am really really scared to talk about it possibly with them, we have been together the longest, my other partner is dating both of us romantically and i know with them, it is romantic.. but every since 2022 has moved in with me, i don't know if it is the right dynamic? i have so much love for them but i do not know if it is romantic.. any advice would be nice and experiences of anyone who has been through this before would help too, thank you so much!!

I recently got an alterous crush on my friend 2 days ago and want to be in a queerplatonic relationship with her but am worried that she only see's me as a friend and that if I confesses I ruin the friendship

I mainly want things like being able to call eachother cutesy names like babe and maybe being committed to her and more one on one time.

every time I think of her my heart starts pounding and my brain looses logic and I don't know how I'd tell her what I feel isn't romantic but isn't completely platonic

Hey,

I’m looking for people who are in a queerplatonic relationship and are building a life together. I’m studying photojournalism, and I feel that queerplatonic relationships are underrepresented and lack visible role models. That’s why I want to create a photo series about it.

Ideally, you would:

•live in Germany

•be in a qpr

•be over 18

•share a long-term vision of life together

About my concept: I’d like to take some portraits in an everyday setting (ideally at home) and talk to you about your relationship and ask a few questions.

The plan is to publish the project (with your consent!!) in a newspaper or magazine. All the produced media will be discussed with you beforehand and you decide what you feel comfortable with.

If you know anyone who might be interested, or if you’re in a qpr yourself, please feel free to get in touch. I’d also welcome any ideas or thoughts regarding the project.

Question in the Titel i guess :)

so did anyone else see the minions & monsters movie and get the feeling that henry & james are perhaps both aroace in a bestfriend type queerplatonic relationship?! 🥰

technically all minions are asexual (since they reproduce asexually), but we know that not all are *aromantic* - however, this is how i view these two!

It’s been just over a week since I moved out of home and got my first rental with a friend from high school, finally having a space free of drama and negative air has led to a wave of emotions and feelings and an opportunity to look within and gain a deeper understanding of my sexuality (Demisexual or Demi-ace) and my personal lived experience. Modern dating, the apps and such just feel like they go completely against my natural and are super unnatural

Another friend of mine has been at the front of my mind all week and after reading, researching and writing my thoughts down Ive come to this conclusion, I don’t feel any sexual or romantic attraction towards her beyond what emotional intimacy we’ve built over the years, but I’ve recently just learned about QPR and relationship anarchy and it’s been so liberating.

I have this strong desire for physical affection, hand holding, hugging, cuddling but there’s also a hit of intimacy in there too, touching, caressing and stroking ect. I feel so incredibly safe and comfortable with her and just enjoy being near her. But coming from a place of no dating or relationship experience this realisation feels both exciting and completely ridiculous and silly.

Sometimes I wish I could just meet people and feel that spark but then the ace part of my brain is like “eww stranger shape, no, we like friend shape”

Hey people I am not a-spec just here to educate myself about QPR. Am I right in thinking its like you're soulmates like how two people can almost be meant to meet each other (not romantically tho like I mean any two people that profoundly impact each others lives). Like you just have a bond that is unique and special all on its own. And it totally transcends everything because they know you better than anyone else but it's not like romantic and they're not like a normal friend either it's like its own special connection. And it's like you know they'll always have your back and you'll always have theirs. And you would hug or kiss them like if they asked I guess for fun but like not in a romantic way, like you don't desire them or anything. It's more like a deep close personal connection, kind of like a family member in terms of how close they are, except not ? And you really love them, but not in a way that makes it weird or comes off as romantic... but more you love them because you cherish their presence in your life and are thankful they exist. But it's not like your whole world revolves around them, and there's no crush involved, they're just special to you?

Is that basically the general idea or am I missing something?

We spent 15 minutes readjusting and couldn’t get comfortable and giggling and readjusting more and how do regular normal people cuddle we don’t know i don’t even work here

we were having fun :)

I'm unsure how to suggest this to my best friend; I don't want anything exclusive or anything like that. It's just that lately I've been feeling a bit jealous about many of the relationships he has with the rest of his friends.I'm aromatic and pansexual, and I haven't been sure how to suggest having more physical contact because I seriously, seriously think I have some sensual attraction to him. I don't want to scare him, or make him angry because I have these kinds of thoughts about him. In fact, I doubt he would, since he's quite open about these kinds of relationships. The only thing is that yesterday I realized he doesn't know what queerplatonic relationships are.I tried to explain, but since we were chatting with other people at the table, I decided not to be so insistent about it.

Help, I don't know if I just want to vent or if I really need advice. Sorry if I used the wrong flair.

I'm also sorry if you find any errors in the text; I originally speak in Spanish, so please excuse me.

So I am an aroace agender, and I have known for a long time I wanted to be in a lifelong relationship with someone, however, growing up in a very homophobic and aphobic environment I never thought I'd get to since I had never even heard of QPRs before about 2 months ago. Also, I don't even realize I was aroace until a month ago. But when I did realize not of those things, I thought that I would love a qpr. I met a friend over this summer (2026) who helped me realize these things about me, and, about a week ago now, realized how I would genuinely love to spend my life with them. However, being the extremely self critical person I am, I thought I shouldn't tell them since they wouldn't want it as well and that would just hurt me. So I put it on hold, but it just kept showing up in my head. So I just decided to actually ask them. (I still asked them about QPRs in general first). And they actually said that yeah,they would. It kinda sucks,since we both are under 18 and live an hour and a half away from each other, and we can't tell our parents about this, but still, the fact that we have known each other for a bit more than 2 months and we have both stated that we would love to be with each other for life is insane to me

if you have any questions, I'll try to answer

okay look I know how the tittle sounds but I’m kinda serious about this one. i know it sounds weird but after reading a couple of posts on this Reddit it feels like all of us are just floundering about?

With other relationship dynamics, like familial, workplace, platonic, romantic, there’s goals there. theres advice there. there’s even discussions of red flags there. but with qpr’s it’s like “alright here’s your qpp break a leg!”

https://www.reddit.com/r/queerplatonic/comments/1uzcfu0/please_help_qpr_turned_romantic_and_im_so/?screen_view_count=6

this post specifically is a GREAT example of that. like is there no way to tell when something like this is on the horizon or about to happen? no warning signs or way to gauge compatibility in a qpr like their is with workplace relationships friendships, romances? (I’m not victim blaming what happened there was disgusting, and not OP’s fault. However every single person has such a different idea of what a qpp even IS that you almost have no way of knowing how someone would behave in this dynamic, if they’re suited for it, or if they’re gonna borderline harass you like in the linked post.) what about times when people just see qprs as a place holder until they get into a romantic relationship, or a lack of effort? or how to handle situations that are polyamorous. the point I’m trying to make here is that there is a serious dearth of actually useful discussions on qprs, a missing body of writing on the topic. I’ve been interested in qpps since I was 16 but I have no idea on how to even go about it let alone finding one? So I’m beginning to think that maybe we should change this approach, especially if you also feel a little lost about this whole thing.

I would like it if more people wrote about qprs, gave advice about them, how to build stronger and heartier bonds, promote communication, keep them fun and interesting, (I could look up topics on how to do this for both friendships and romantic relationships but not for qprs?) how to vet them, how to tell if your idea of a qpr is even compatible with another’s? how to manage the many different needs, (sex and sex repulsion, touch and touch aversion, building a life together levels of commitment, aces with aces or allos, aros with aros or allo, when two alloallo people enter into a qpr with each other (I’ve seen straight women on TikTok talk about this in particular, especially since they currently aren’t fond of the men who are in the dating pool) actual advice to manage needs and wants in these dynamics, monogamy and non-monogamy!

I’m not even asking for a dedicated website to it, it could be a tumblr blog or a TikTok page, but i just don’t think the way the queer platonic community is going about this is working

sure we could just clap and say “Well that’s your QPR (if you even find one) Enjoy!” But to be quite honest I don’t think that’s very effective. Can’t tell how the rest of you feel, but coming from someone who really wants a qpr… I’m kinda lost 🥲???

Hi everyone

I joined Reddit and this sub a few months ago when I realised I was acespec / demi and that most of my deep friendships are like unofficial QPRs (had to create a new account as my previous handle made me too identifiable). Reading everyone’s posts has been so empowering and I’m certain that this is the kind of relationship I’m craving. I’m navigating my first ‘official’ go at this and I’m hitting a couple of hurdles. I’d love your thoughts / advice if you have any.

I (33 F) have developed a new close friendship (34 M) over the past year with someone who lives close by. We share a depth of emotion, care and loyalty to each other, see each other a few times a week and are exploring living together in the near future. We both suspect that he is ace too, but he needs to do a bit more exploring to figure this out for himself, having not been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I would really like us to develop into an official QPR and I have mentioned it briefly before. In the run up to figuring out our living situation we’ve agreed to explore this more. Firstly, I’m very shy so even bringing this up was huge for me, he’s not come back to the topic after he said he wanted to think about it a few weeks ago. I’ve since done some reflecting to figure out what I would like from the relationship, but I’m quite nervous about bringing it up again. Any advice on guiding someone through this process in an exploratory / gentle way that doesn’t feel too overbearing for someone who hasn’t been in a relationship before?

Secondly, which is interfering with me progressing with this: Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been in my own head about things after a week of distance between us. To be clear, because I love so deeply (it can feel like there are blurred lines between platonic / romantic feelings for my friends, though there is no kissing, sex etc), and my self esteem is so low I can find myself in thought cycles where I convince myself that people have had enough of me - so this is not always rooted in reality. Anyway, I spoke to my therapist about it and she asked me if I wanted more from the relationship, implying romance or sex. This is not the case, but it sent me spiralling a bit as I’ve been struggling to identify what romantic attraction feels like for me after being in a long term relationship since I was 18, which has now ended due to discovering my asexuality. The way my therapist described romantic attraction definitely aligned with the way I feel about my close friends, including the one I’m looking to enter a QPR with. All my confusion was heightened last week - I went to stay over with my friend as he’s been having a really rough time lately. We stayed up late talking and watching tv and slept next to each other in his bed, not touching, but as I laid there I could feel a throbbing between my legs - as someone who hasn’t felt sexual attraction for a specific person for years, and even then only someone who I’m already in a long term romantic relationship with, it was quite alarming! Just to note, I was ovulating and sometimes I do feel a tiny bit more turned on at this stage in my cycle. I’m so confused, acespec answered so many questions in my life, and now I feel as though I’m being betrayed by my body, and if I have these ‘urges’ then perhaps entering a QPR and moving in together isn’t right for us.

Anyway, I’d really love your thoughts and if any of you have experienced anything similar. Overanalysing my thoughts and feelings is leaving me emotionally burnt out.

So, I am 22f and have liked the idea of QPRs for many years but have no experience with them. I ID as queer or unlabelled (idk), as so far I've only ever dated women who I have had romantic and/or sexual relationships with so far and I'd probably continue to reserve those things only for women. Throughout my life though I have had strong "pull" feeling towards men a few times, where what I felt wasn't quite the same I think as with women, it was sort of mysterious and confusing in comparison, and once I discovered QPRs and that sort of attraction I've always thought that maybe that was something that could fit me.

Very recently, I've met someone amazing who is a queer man (but prefers they/them pronouns) and it feels like they share the same brain as me and it is extremely amazing. We are both on the spectrum but I have (and same with him) never been able to find some who in neurodivergent in general so exactly like me that it is so calming and makes me feel so seen. We both clearly feel strongly about each other in some way or another, and I'm thinking if this continues to go great for maybe a few more months, I might ask him if he wants to be in a QPR relationship with me. I think I might have to take a more poly approach to things, I think I'd still love to have the opportunity to have a "traditional" relationship with another woman, and also because I know he wants children eventually whereas I do not so he would have to with another partner. Just not sure how to propose all this, I doubt he has heard of this sort of thing before but feel like maybe he seems like the type who would be open to it. Idk how to go about all this in general but I think it would be easy as we both have extremely good open communication with each other that I have never had before.

The second thing I wanted advice on was of there is terms I could use in place of "zucchini" as I won't lie I just personally can not stand the thought of referring to someone as that and vice versa. I really want to know if anyone has good replacement terms for that.

Thank you!!!

My pronouns are they/them. He doesn't really care about pronouns so any is fine.

As the title states, i just joined. Up until pretty recently, i was unsure of my romantic orientation. I knew i was somewhere on the spectrum, but not quite sure where. For now I'm happy to identify as aro-ace and I'll narrow down the details over time.

Anyways there's this person I've been hanging out with recently. And i feel like im experiencing some kind of attraction. I just don't really know what it is. I just know it's strong and i want to be close to them.

Maybe I'm gray romantic and this is one of the rare occurrences of my feeling Romantic attraction. Maybe its really strong platonic feelings. Or maybe its alterous - somewhere in-between.

We've known each other for a while, but only recently started being more intentional about hanging out together.... And i know we both like each other. The ball is in my court, and i want to date them and hopefully we will have a queer-platonic/romantic relationship.

The thing is i don't want to rush into things, as i have struggled in the past with jumping headfirst into relationships and having it fizzle out.

I don't want to fuck things up.

What do i do?

TLDR

I have a person in my life who I'm currently friends with. We've known each other for awhile but only recently started hanging out more. I dont want to fuck things up by taking it too fast. What do i do?