I mean in the real world most women say that as long as it’s at least average, penis size doesn’t matter…but in the swinger community, invariably 90% of posts are looking for a guy who is 8” plus. Assuming people are honest, do you realize how incredibly rare that is?

“A 6-inch erect length falls around the 90th percentile (roughly 1 in 10 men).
A length of 7 inches or more drops to roughly the 1st percentile (about 1 in 100 men).
An 8-inch length drops sharply beyond the 99th percentile, occurring in less than 0.01% of the male population (fewer than 8,000 men out of roughly 8 billion globally). [1, 2]”

Basically we are talking about 1 in 10,000. Are all of these guys lurking on this sub?

Besides aren’t bigger dicks usually softer?

Perhaps the swinger community specifically attracts size queens?

Are the guys they are getting actually 8+ or we just accepting that everyone is overestimating?

And if a guy actually is 8+…you know he is probably heavily booked iykwim.

I just don’t understand this one dimensional thinking. Like what about performance, girth, hardness, body type, other skills, etc…What am I missing? Just a curious observation from a chill sub-8 dude.

I'll be going to my Halloween LS Party but I don't have a costume. Any suggestions? Give me some of your favorite of what you like to wear or what your like to see your male partner wear.

This really is a strange dynamic from our non lifestyle friends. To start with my wife and I have been in the lifestyle for 17 years together. I was in it before her as a third for a handful of couples. This particular couple are not in the LS and know nothing about us being in the LS. They had been pretty toxic for each other with a lot of infidelity from both of them over the years.

Anyways we went to dinner with them a few weeks ago. They seemed happy and affectionate towards each other. They said they've been going to marriage counseling and orher things, working on their relationship. So my wife casually asked what other things. They paused and looked at each other. And the other wife said well they started individually dating other people a few months ago. And that they each have found someone else they see regularly.

My wife and I looked at them a bit shocked. There was a pause in the conversation and I said so you have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend kind of in disbelief of what we just heard. At the same time, they both said no no it's not like that. I said jokingly that sounds like you guys are in an open marriage. The orlther wife looked at me and said no we dont do that. We were completely confused. My wife then asked so are you just talking to these other people. They both replied with a no they do sleep with them and its just about sex.

Again I looked at my wife totally confused. I asked so are you guys even together at this point. They said yes and we haven't been this happy in years. So I said it sounds a lot like you guys are swingers. The other wife quickly said absolutely not, there's no way they would ever do that. At that point we changed the conversation and had a great night with them.

After we got in our truck we were silent for about 30 seconds. When I said what the fuck was that. My wife looked at me and said really thought they were joking around. I said so they dont have an open marriage and they are jot swingers but they each have a fuck buddy. My wife said i really don't know whats going on. My wife feels like she needs to explain to the other wife that what they are doing is an open marriage and swinging separately.

Me & my husband have been together for a very long time and we’re ready to start opening up to group sex and/or swinging. We just don’t even know where to start- what websites or apps should we try? For context we’re a straight couple in our late 30’s, looking for another people around our age. We live in NJ and can get to NYC easily.

I’ve seen it mentioned many times that we should try to make friends with other couples who are like minded and into the lifestyle, but we don’t even know where to find them!

Ty! Excited to join the community for real!!

I know that the resort and its surrounding beaches are known for Jamaican men taking care of the visiting women, but are there any Jamaican women that do the same?

My husband and I are leaning into more sexual exploration together. We're in the 40s. We've explored with strip clubs, lap dances. But now would like to visit a sex club like Aqualounge in Toronto.

I have a fantasy of watching my husband with another woman, can be any type of oral, kissing, sexual play.

I also would like to be part of that play as a second option too, where he's getting to enjoy both of us.

I find women very beautiful, but I wouldn't say I'm bisexual. I could kiss another woman sensually and enjoy that, but I have no desire to finger or give her oral. I could receive it as an exploration. How do you navigate this in these types of situations. I can't even imagine how play would begin at a club or how to communicate what you want or don't want in the moment.

When someone reaches out to you to wanting to meet up, but you aren't interested because they aren't attractive for us, subjectively, or not the type we are looking for, how do you typically respond without sounding too shallow or disrespectful?

I don't like the idea of ghosting / not responding to people - also not respectful, and also don't want to lie or make something up. Especially given the small community that we are in there is a possibility we will meet at an event, etc.

My husband and I are in an open relationship and enjoy casual threesomes/group play. I personally enjoy women sexually (dates, mutual chemistry, physical play), but I'm strictly heteroromantic and not looking for a dating/relationship dynamic with women—just fun, no-strings-attached physical encounters that my husband and I can share together.
For other women or ENM/lifestyle couples who like casual FFM play: where do you usually connect with like-minded women who are looking for casual, physical chemistry without the expectation of a relationship?

First time going, we’re aiming for Saturday night. I’m curious to get reviews about the vibe of the club, is there lots of play or are people stand off-ish. Also, what is the clientele like? We are 38M/36F

Curious to hear what other LS veterans think about this, what has changed the most during your time in the LS?

I think for us it had to be the whole social media part of it now. I might sound like an old man here, but when we started (2001), it felt like people who got into this did so mainly because they wanted to play with others and the social aspect was a great bonus.

Now it feels like so many people are in it just to be seen and take pics to post online, playing is now a very secondary part of it at certain events.

There’s also been a lot of changes with the apps and how to meet other swingers. We aren’t quite old enough to have been placing ads in magazines but we didn’t miss that by much and did the message boards and Craigslist’s ads. Now, there’s plenty of location based apps where you can filter and search about any way you want.

We’re fairly new to LS and going out to Club L in Montréal this Friday. We have never swapped and only had a few times when ladies asked to touch my wife while we were playing ( she is fit, smoking hot type) and it didn’t go that well - every time someone went straight to her genitals trying to penetrate with fingers.

So I am wondering, do any of you talk with other couples/single ladies about touching boundaries? Or when meeting a couple and saying we’re just comfortable for parallel play in the room and ladies can play together and agree on play areas?

My partner (56m) and I (46f) recently opened up to each other about our fantasies, and I’m trying to figure out how to fulfill them for both of us. We were both in swinger relationships many years ago, but we are out of the loop these days. We need more discretion these days as we’re both in prominent community roles.

He and I are both bicurious. We’re both very experienced with the opposite sex, yet our experiences with the same sex is very beginner. Ideally, we could match up with a couple who is also bicurious. However, we’re not opposed to finding a single bi male or female.

Can you all direct me to the best app/website for us to find playmates? Any tips on how to word our bio? Thank you all!

ETA: located close to Louisville, KY, USA

My wife and I have tried 3F and local subreddits to find a bi couple or a bi f. What other options are out there to find other friends in the LS? We’ve had a bit of encounters but they’re pretty few and far between. Usually it’s like once every 6-8 months we find someone legit and dtf

My question is to young couples who swing regularly and it’s genuinely good and doesn’t cause any problems in your relationship, how did it start and how do you deal with or have no issue with the regular issues like jealousy and insecurity?

My GF(44) and I have been together for a couple years and were in a side relationship for 3 years prior while we were still both married. She married the first guy she was ever with when she was 19 and stayed in the relationship 20+ years. She is a very pretty Latina and gets very turned on... With a little dirty talk and over the course of a couple years, I piqued her interest in swinging, or more so, having another guy join us/be with her. I've had a couple experiences like this in the past, both very hot to me. I am a giver and get off on seeing others in pleasure... At first, she was a bit shocked I would be open to it, though curious. She also has shared a couple times that she feels she missed out on the 'fun' in youth. She even confessed to me once that when other women would talk about their early sex lives and sleeping around a bit, she would nod and act like she did too just to not get into it, but again... I think this also made her a bit curious. Regardless, I would love to let her safely live out some of that amazing sexual energy and curiosity...

The dirty talk has gotten to a point that she really enjoys the fantasy of being with 2 guys. I want to figure out how to set something up...

I think any guy would be absolutely lucky and truly enjoy being the 3rd guy she has ever been with... and I would love to see the look on her face as she is with a guy she has only met earlier in the evening, more or less breaking through a lot of mental barriers she grew up and lived with while also experiencing it all where I can enjoy the voyeuristic aspects as well as joining in. Sensory overload... and her face shows it all when she is turned on...

I say all this to ask if anyone has good advice on how to find a guy who would be into a threesome with us. We went to a little swinger lunch meetup locally, but we are in a bit of a rural area and she:

1. doesn't want anyone to know or find out locally and;
2. didn't really see anyone there at the event (probably about 10 couples only) that she would be into, which I didn't really either if I was on the hunt for a couple to swap with

We ended up hanging out with one of the couples a few times at a local night club even though we didn't have interest in anything further with them; we enjoyed the conversation and hearing about their experiences (Hedonism... wow)... but now I want to work on setting up a chance to make this fantasy a reality and focus on her.

It's like, she wants a 6'+, fit and attractive guy. Sounds easy enough as I meet the criteria, but seems like when you go out to look, the 'pickings' are slim, at least around us... Most likely we would plan a weekend getaway to Vegas, or some other city to go have some fun regardless of if anything happens, but I'd like to stack the odds in our favor and have a plan to find at least a potential playmate. Really looking for just a guy for her at this point, though if there is some unicorn couple out there with a voyeur female (she is a little jealous if I want to do the same for now, and I am totally ok with that), that could be fun as well... lol.

Let me know if you guys have any advice... Whether it is an app, a paid membership club, or a club in a city that we could perhaps find other 'hot' swinger types...

We are in Amsterdam this weekend (16th October 2026) and would like to visit a club.
We prefer a more party vibe, not an old-style swinger club.

For example, we recently went to Milk&Honey party in Prague, and that was fantastic.
The next day we visited an out of town swingers club, that was a very different vibe, it felt quite formal, with the bar separate to the play area. We didn't enjoy it as much. (we don't mind if there are older people there, but it is better to have a range starting from at least 30s)

I have looked at previous posts, but I keep seeing recommendations for Fun4two, Sameplace and Fata Morgana. However, when looking at the reviews on Google Maps, they seem like absolutely awful places.

What I've understood:

• Fata Morgana - incredibly expensive, rude staff, outdated.
• Fun4two - old interor in need of a refurbishment, older couples.
• Sameplace - Small, dirty and bad vibes.

Are these summaries wildly untrue?
Are there any other clubs that we should be looking at?

Meta glasses. People using them in swinger resorts in play areas while people are nude and fucking. A disgusting violation of privacy.

Example:

Meta camera glasses in the spicy pool and a bad interaction

There was a large group at DRM 10/6-10/11. One of the guys in their group (grey beard, mid 40's was wearing a KC hat) had meta camera glasses on in the spicy pool. He had approached myself and my wife multiple times, even after we had made it abundantly clear that we are a non-LS couple, and I confronted him about the glasses, and told him he needed to stay away from us. His response - well these are the only glasses I brought... Fucking BS excuse. He ended up getting walked out early I believe on 10/8. My wife and I did not tell security because their entire group of like 15 people were staying in the same building as us, and honestly we had fear that the group would retaliate against us and harras us the rest of our trip. We feel very sorry and guilty that we did not report him, but again - this was a once in a life time trip for us and we were scared the group would harras us and ruin everything. Obviously someone did report him because he did get kicked out early. Sharing for awareness for anyone that was at the resort during this time. We are genuinely sorry that we did not report him immediately and do regret not doing so.

Link to original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Desire_Resort/s/dsno6lkEqU

Looking for some input here. We’ve been in the lifestyle for 4-5 years and have had plenty of great fun - parties, clubs, resorts. My wife is stunning - beautiful skin, and electric smile, flat stomach with the best curves. She often comments after events about the women with fake boobs and how she wishes her nipples were permahard like most of those women. Despite what I tell her, she can’t seem to get out of her head.

She has amazing 36C boobs!

Do lifestyle men (and women for that matter) have any preference one way or another? I’m totally biased and I can recognize that. I have told her that if she wants to get augmented that I would support her but I truly don’t think it’s necessary.

Thanks!

We’re both bi/bi comfortable and pretty open minded when it comes to play.

We’ve had threesomes that included same sex play, we’ve done straight foursomes/couple swaps, and we’ve also done foursomes where everyone was bi comfortable and same sex play was part of it.

What we’ve realized is that we actually prefer keeping those dynamics a little separate.

With another couple, we tend to prefer a straight foursome where we’re swapping partners.

But in an MMF and FFM threesome, we really enjoy the bi aspect and having same sex play be part of the experience.

It’s not that we’re uncomfortable with everyone being bi in a foursome or that we wouldn’t ever do it again. We just seem to enjoy straight couple play more when there are four of us, while the bi dynamic feels like a better fit for us in a threesome.

Curious if any other bi or bi friendly couples are the same way?

Do you prefer straight foursomes but enjoy same sex play more in threesomes?

Let me share some unsolicited tea about our last experience. 🫣😅

We had an amazing date. The chemistry was flowing, the vibes were great, and everything was going perfectly. We eventually got back to the hotel room and started playing some games. But before I get to the juicy part, let me rewind a little.

This couple had spent the day afternoon at a popular tourist place which involves lots of walking, and they said they were coming straight to the bar from there. I even dropped a couple of hints along the lines of, hey, if you guys want to freshen up, we can always meet a little later!

My wife and I are both pretty particular about how we smell before these dates. We make an extra effort to shower, get ready, and smell freaking amazing. So, for us, that’s a pretty important part of the whole experience.

Anyway, back to the date. While we were having drinks, there was absolutely no indication of anything being off, and everything was going so well. Fast forward to the hotel room, where we started playing a card game. The first time I kissed the girl’s neck, I noticed a bit of a scent. I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but I decided to play along and figured it would be fine.

Then things started heating up, my wife was with the guy, and I was with the girl. I just couldn’t get aroused. Every time I kissed her neck or body, the scent kept distracting me. I’m really attracted to a woman’s scent, my wife smells like flowers, it's a huge turn on for me!

The wildest part? This girl was drop dead gorgeous, with an absolutely perfect body and a very beautiful face. On paper, everything was there, but my brain and body just weren’t cooperating. We eventually swapped back ended up having fun with our own spouses instead. 😋

And honestly, I get it. This could happen to literally anyone. Even if I go on a hike and don’t freshen up afterward, I know I might not smell my best either. It’s just normal, especially after a long day of walking around.

Looking back, I probably could’ve handled it differently. Maybe I could’ve casually suggested a quick rinse together and turned it into something fun. But in the moment, my brain was so blocked that I couldn’t think of a smooth way to bring it up.

Obviously, I didn’t mention it to her or the guy during the experience, and I definitely wasn’t going to bring it up over text the next day. I do not want to make someone feel self conscious about something so personal, especially when the rest of the date was genuinely amazing.

So now I’m curious… What would be the best way to handle this situation?

No judgment, just curious how others would navigate this! 🫣😅

I’ve posted about this before but still find myself feeling unsure what to expect around oral when people say they play safe. More often than not they don’t include oral in their definition of safe play, and I’ve always been fine with that, but still find myself questioning if that’s rolling the dice more than Id like to admit. Has anyone here actually had a bad experience and caught something from oral? Presumably if you play safe in every other way you’d know that’s how you got it.

We’ve been going to the Wasteland kink/fetish parties for a while now, with the last one (SummerFest) being our favorite. Since we had heard so many positive stories about the Berlin edition in KitKat club, earlier this year we decided to book a long weekend to Berlin for this event.

Insomnia

We arrived on Friday (direct train from Amsterdam to Berlin) and wanted something fun to do, so we decided to visit Insomnia first. We’re in a few whatsapp groups and this is one that consistently popped up as a suggestion.

We enjoyed our time there a lot. It’s relatively small and a cross between a ‘dance’ club and a swinger’s club. The large dance space is mostly for dancing, and they had a really cool shibari show there. There’s an upstairs play area that overlooks the dancefloor that is couples-only, so single men are only allowed there if a couple invites them, and they can’t linger. Relative to all the couples there, there were very few single men, so it seems they keep a good balance. The decor is very nice, ‘burlesque’-classy-ish.

Initially there were a lot of people our age there, more than half of them Dutch, since there was such a large group who travelled to Berlin for Wasteland. Later in the evening more younger locals showed up, lots of people in their early twenties. There was a lot of action upstairs in the play area. We met a couple we wanted to play with, and we managed to grab a small empty spot (half a double bed) for the four of us.

KitKat

After a day of cultural stuff (the DDR museum was very impressive) we prepared for KitKat, mostly by getting a few hours of sleep since the party was from 8 pm to 8 am. KitKat was only an 8 minute walk from our hotel and we arrived by 9pm. We got our tickets checked, went to check in our coat/other clothes, and went inside. It was already quite busy by then, and almost immediately ran into people we knew from other parties.

KitKat itself is probably the most impressive place we’ve been to. It’s also extremely hard to describe, even when you’re already used to the techno/industrial scene in Holland. The interior just oozes sex, you can sort of immediately feel the anticipation. It’s a mix of industrial, neon, and burlesque. There are two larger stage areas on the ground floor that also have stairs going up to play areas. But there’s also a downstairs section, with a lot of interconnected rooms, that’s a complete maze. Every room is different. For example we went to play with the group we were with in a section that sort of has an operating room vibe.

People wise; just hot. Both the large group of Dutch people who came there specifically for Wasteland, as well as the more local club-goers. Again here there was a mix of all ages but definitely skewing younger. The techno and kink/fetish scenes are very intertwined in clubs like these and it shows in its visitors. Everyone was in amazing outfits, some were barely wearing anything at all. We had a lot of fun play sessions, chatted and danced with a lot of fun people, and definitely want to go again. We stayed until 7am, but apparently after the party ends at 8 there’s still an ‘afterparty’ that just keeps going too.

Conclusion

Insomnia is a nice club to visit if you happen to be in Berlin, KitKat is a reason to go to Berlin. That is; IF you are into this type of setting, music, etc. We’re already planning our next visit.

Edit: This doc on youtube (has English CC) gives a pretty good view of what it's like inside: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vtJ0z0vvZ0

Quite funny: one of the bouncers has a Discussion in Dutch with two Dutch women who, apparently, look too drugged and he's telling them to get some coffee and come back later.

If the people in the video make you uncomfortable: it's not the place for you.

Were a throuple and im wondering what good things and/or obstacles arise while swinging. We have been a throuple for about 3 months so far.

Almost all of the women in my circle are bi when swinging but were they bi or curious prior to that? What led you to doing oral that first time? Was curiosity or pressure of just going along? I wasn’t curious and had no bi leaning when a friend first touched me while sharing a hotel bed. I was surprised that I let her continue and she started to go down orally. Somehow I reciprocated which was very weird for me.
How weird was it for you that first time?

We have been to many clubs over the years. In the US they can be rather random in experiences.

We have been to amazing clubs internationally. Europe is a well run kinky continent.

We recently found club Princeton in Columbus OH. It was amazing. Clean, well staff, great design.

On our second visit we have chosen Halloween. This is their largest party of the year. And it will certainly be larger than any other event we’ve done. We have high expectations. Anyone else familiar with club Princeton?