Just ended my dynamic yesterday. After 14 months of exploration. I ended it , it was fizzling.

We ended amicably which I don't know if it's worse. We still love each other but I felt it was time to move on....

I'm giving myself some time before exploring my switch side. Which I feel is calling out to me.

I made a post the other day about ruining my D/s relationship bc we have a disagreement. Well we talked it out. He apologized for being busy and ask was I ok. I admit I over reacted due to stress seizures messing with my brain and I been stressed about other life stuff. He wasn’t aware I was in the hospital. We had personal time and it was great 🥲. He lift me and flip me around like I was a feather. I’m a bigger person and he is tall and skinny, I didn’t think he was weak but I was not expecting that. He was rough but not hurting me and we had some affection. After he asked was I less stressed and I am. He just understood what I needed 😭

There’s so many things I love about being a sub, and overall I do want it and I choose to do it. But you know, when the emotions are so extremely good and everything feels like ecstasy, that also makes it so that the other emotions are extremely bad. Everything is so heightened, and I would prefer if only the good stuff was heightened and not the bad stuff. I get enough aftercare but still, it’s really hard to come down from the high. I feel so clingy and codependent, and I don’t like that feeling. Even just the thought of me not being obedient is really stressful, and I’ve cried multiple times at the thought of not doing a good enough job or being able to complete a task.

Ever since I’ve been submitting frequently, I’ve had the highest highs of my life but I’ve also been crying all the time. It’s a lot to handle. It seems like the only options are to feel a little good and a little bad, or extremely good and extremely bad. Everything has to have a balance I guess.

Lately i have been almost scared to go in subspace bc I know it’ll feel good but there’s also the chance any little thing will make me sob

Some days I wanna go back to my old life when everything was neutral

Btw I’m not even in a 24/7 dynamic, it’s just that overall I feel less stable compared to how I normally am. And yes this is definitely a me issue and not due to my dom

Basically what the title says. I know it isn’t other people my fault for not vetting someone correctly and for jumping into things, however I am hit looking for a talk on that right now. I really need some kind words, everything g that happened has led to me literally unable to move sat on the floor basically with only movement of one arm, woo autistic shutdowns. I just really need someone who is kind and can remind me to breathe. I know it’s all my fault and I shouldn’t put it in other people to get me out of this, but I really need help, I’ve never had this severe of a shutdown before and my body really hurts but I have no ability to move and I’m really scared

I feel so dumb and out of my league. I am a very smart person but I can't help loving when I get told what to do, not having to make choices. But I've been taught my whole life how important it is to be right, be good, be smart.. I'm a high functioning autistic person as well. I don't know if I should say that or when! I want so so badly to be good and then I misunderstand or don't do it the way I was supposed to and I don't feel good. I don't feel smart right now just lost and confused, I don't understand how I'm feeling or what the rules are (all I've heard are that there are no rules but how am I supposed to do it if there's no rules!?) and I hate that so so much. I feel so dumb and bad at this and I know this is so dumb and just a bad moment or whatever I just ...don't know anymore.

I ask this question because I have felt that service subs have to get their satisfaction from serving itself and not need anything in return, and if they want praise or to be taken care of, they would be selfish.

I have been dwelling on what my submission means to me, and for months, I thought that I was service oriented, where my focus would be intentional quality service that improved the quality of life of a Dominant. While service is still something that I want to do, I have been questioning that.

Recently, the idea of becoming a little and taking on a “smaller” role, where I can get taken care of by a Dominant, has been very appealing to me. Along with being taken care of, I want my service orientation to be integrated into this role, where my service would be less of an obligation and more of a voluntary choice with the goal of making them proud. Sort of like a little helper.

The best way to explain such a dynamic would be a relationship between an elementary school teacher and a younger student who wants to help them. The teacher’s role is to guide the student in learning, and the student’s job is to turn in assignments and learn, but some students may want to go above and beyond, which is where my dynamic fits in. It is not the best analogy, and I’m not suggesting that anyone underage will be engaging in a dynamic.

I’m not really sure what to say or why I’m saying it, I think I just want to vent as I don’t have anywhere or anyone to talk to about this specifically.

I had an online dynamic of sorts with someone on here for the last 15 months, and I say sorts because it wasn’t official and we weren’t ’each others.’ It started with play and evolved into what I’d call a friendship that had elements of intimacy. We talked daily, and not just about dynamic related things, but life and work and everything.

When we played we used honorifics and she would call me hers and say ‘your X belongs to me’ and things of that nature, as well as setting punishments, giving commands etc.

I have no prior experience with dynamics and this side of things, not to mention relationships in general just for context, and she allowed me to have this experience. I learned so much about myself and she made me feel so much more confident and better about myself in general just as a person. So much so that I feel like I grew so much over the time that I knew her.

She deleted her account recently, no word or warning. I reached out elsewhere (somewhere else where we would call) and got nothing back. Now I’m starting to realise I probably never will.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to even feel the way that I do because it was all online, but I feel lost. Empty to some degree. I want so badly to feel angry instead but I’m too grateful to her for all that she did. Is this wrong of me?

Despite this, and the thing that makes me angry at myself rather than her, is that I miss her so much. I miss hearing about her day, teasing her, being a brat, being told I was good, calling her Mommy, being there for her when work or life was difficult. I miss her voice even more.

I’m anxious to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone in any capacity because of this. I let my walls down with her, and while I don’t regret doing it, I didn’t expect her to be the same thing that makes me put them back up again.

Now that I’ve gotten a taste of this dynamic I know it’s what I want, maybe even crave. But I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be able to let someone in again for a very long time.

I also can’t help but look back on things and wish that I’d done things differently. I’m quite shy and I know that I could’ve been a better sub when playing for example, could’ve given more. Should’ve given more. She’ll never know this but I read a book about subbing recently to try and be better when we next played. I was so excited to tell her, to actually be better and maybe surprise her in the session.

Now I just feel foolish. But at the same time I’m hoping I can give someone else that same effort, that same devotion. I want to badly to care about someone in this same way, to show them how much I want and I need them. How much it affects me to be good for them, to submit. But also to make them feel as seen and safe as they make me feel.

I really hope I can when the time is right and I feel ready to try again. One day.

Hello hi! Hopefully this does not break any rules, but im a long time sub and my current boyfriend is very fresh to this scene! He is super willing and eager to learn to dom/gain some community but we are both struggling to find any spaces like that.

I really like this sub, and all the people on it, so i thought it couldnt hurt to ask if there happens to be an equivalent for doms? A subreddit specifically for seeking advice, blog posting, venting, making friends etc!

Anything is welcome🫶

Hey everyone, first post here.

Lately it’s been a difficult time with my 3-year-long partner, and it’s likely that we’ll be taking different paths soon.

They were my first relationship, and the person i explored my bottom side with for the first time. They weren’t really a top (though we are both still figuring it out, i am switch/sub and they are mainly sub) but they tried their best to make me feel good.
Even with all their inexperience in domming, and the “mistakes” that they made when we were experimenting these kind of things, i just feel like no one could do it better than them.
If i think about new people i might date in the future, i feel like i will eventually find someone i could enjoy vanilla sex or even being a dom with.
But not as a sub. I feel like they are the only one i want to be a sub for and only they could sub me as i liked.

Also kinda scared because i’m young, M and straight, and where i’m from i don’t feel like girls are very into bottom boys.

I don’t know if this is very commonplace for you guys, but has anyone had this kind of experience when ending a relationship/dynamic?
How do you cope with this?

This is about to be a longish rant so sorry in advance. TLDR at the end.
So I’m 25F and recently (about 9months ago) started a long-distance dynamic again with my former Dom. We’ve known each other for three years and previously dated for almost a year. I’ve always had strong feelings for him, but communication has been a recurring problem.
When we do connect, it can feel really good. Recently, he called me for the first time in almost a year and we talked for over an hour. I loved hearing his voice and felt close to him again. But the everyday communication is leaving me feeling like I’m talking to myself.
I initiate almost everything. I share pictures, little things happening throughout my day, ask about his life, say good morning/goodnight, etc. He’ll sometimes respond affectionately, calling me beautiful or babygirl, but there’s very little actual conversation. He rarely shares anything beyond “busy,” “with family,” or “on my way to work.” When I ask what he’s doing, I regularly get “talking to you,” which doesn’t answer what I’m trying to ask.
For example, recently he went over a day without replying despite several messages from me. When he did respond, it was just “Yummy” to a picture of my breakfast. My question about whether everything was okay with his family went unanswered. I asked again whether he was upset with me because the distance feels noticeable.
There’s also the social media situation. He removed me on Instagram and said he deleted his account. Later, he removed me on Snapchat and said he deleted everyone except his family. What I could see afterward didn’t seem consistent with that explanation, although I can’t know exactly what happened. I also recently realized he didn’t know my last name, despite how long we’ve known each other and it having been in my usernames and things I’ve sent him. That hurt.
He tells me to be myself and that he won’t be annoyed or disappointed, but I’m left wondering how much communication or reassurance he actually wants from me. I’m hesitant to bring up the bigger conversation because he has blocked my number before, and I worry he’ll ignore it or block me again.
I know I want a lot of reassurance, and uncertainty is difficult for me. I’m also lonely in other parts of my life, and I recognize that he can’t be responsible for fixing all of that. I understand people work, sleep, and spend time with family. I don’t expect constant availability. But I want him to initiate sometimes, show curiosity about my day, and voluntarily tell me about his. I want to feel like he wants to know me and let me know him.
I feel sad, frustrated, and honestly embarrassed by how much this hurts. Sometimes the silence feels pointed, although I don’t know whether that’s his intention. Asking if he’s upset is me trying to understand what’s happening, not automatically assuming I owe him an apology.

For other submissives: how do you distinguish your own need for reassurance from a dynamic that genuinely isn’t giving you enough connection? How have you brought up communication needs when you feel vulnerable and scared of losing the dynamic? I could use honest advice, especially from anyone who has struggled with wanting someone deeply while feeling like they’re carrying most of the connection.

TLDR: Restarted a long-distance dynamic with my former Dom, whom I’ve known for three years. I initiate almost all contact and share my life, while he rarely initiates, shares very little, and sometimes goes over a day without responding before sending a one-word reply. He can be affectionate, but I feel lonely and disconnected. I want reassurance and mutual effort, but I’m scared to bring it up because he’s blocked me before. How do I tell whether I’m asking for too much reassurance or this dynamic isn’t meeting my needs?

Afew days ago me and my partner(we are dating) were planning to do a short play after we were free. We planned on doing it on a tuesday night and we talked about it on monday and how we both really enjoy it. That whole tuesday I was half getting 'ready', I talked about it frequently because I was extremely excited since these kind of this are truly important to me. Barely an hour before we planned to do it he said he wasn't in the mood.

I understand and can fully take in that you do not want to engage in something sexual when you arent in the
mood, I would never be upset about my partner refusing, rather I am just upset about the building up to that point being canclled. I don't know how to explain it, I can totally understand that my partner can say no but I will obviously be upset. We had a talk about it in the morning and he wants me to take my disappointment on my own, he wants me to change because he feels that when I get upset about not doing a play he feels pressured. In general pressured and pressured into saying yes. Not at all am I ever trying to do that, these kind of things just truly up me and I don't even know what to do anymore. I have had so much problems with sexual stuff forever, I especially cry about it and I thought it'd be okay to cry to my partner about it too, but now it just seems I should cry to him at all about anything sexual. I don't know what to do. This kind of this pains me very much and ever since that i've been dragging my body around like a husk. I feel horrible and I can't help but cry. Is there something I could say to fix a part of this, cope, anything? I just need some help.

I’ve (21FtM) been with my partner (25M) for 2 years now. We’ve been trying D/s in the bedroom over the last few months and have started to establish a more consistent routine, not 24/7 but within our day to day life where titles are used to differentiate.

I was thinking about it for weeks, finally came out and spilled my thoughts last night. We talked through everything, boundaries, how to establish the dynamic, what we’re expecting from it. But we’re still looking at rules, rituals, and how to include more day to day things. After a few hours of talking, he agreed and started calling me my pet name today (yay)!

Currently, we have two things established. He’ll command me using my pet name when he wants something done. And I’ll send my Sir a good morning message if I wake up while he’s at work.

We’re both new to this, him being much newer than I am but this is my first official dynamic outside of the bedroom.

What kind of rules and tips do my fellow s-types have? Any recommendation for starting a new dynamic?

I need to have a pause in our dynamic but its embedded in the entire relationship, from the beginning and I dont actually know what that means.

I can stop following most of the rules that are simple to ignore but.... the feeling, the mindset, the habitual deferrence.. I don't know how to switch that.

I guess part of the issue is I don't really want to I feel like I have to, so its painful as well.

Just looking for anyone else's experiences with pausing a long term 24/7 dynamic with their dom/partner.

hi everyone, how much do you think age can matter in these dynamics?