There’s so many things I love about being a sub, and overall I do want it and I choose to do it. But you know, when the emotions are so extremely good and everything feels like ecstasy, that also makes it so that the other emotions are extremely bad. Everything is so heightened, and I would prefer if only the good stuff was heightened and not the bad stuff. I get enough aftercare but still, it’s really hard to come down from the high. I feel so clingy and codependent, and I don’t like that feeling. Even just the thought of me not being obedient is really stressful, and I’ve cried multiple times at the thought of not doing a good enough job or being able to complete a task.

Ever since I’ve been submitting frequently, I’ve had the highest highs of my life but I’ve also been crying all the time. It’s a lot to handle. It seems like the only options are to feel a little good and a little bad, or extremely good and extremely bad. Everything has to have a balance I guess.

Lately i have been almost scared to go in subspace bc I know it’ll feel good but there’s also the chance any little thing will make me sob

Some days I wanna go back to my old life when everything was neutral

Btw I’m not even in a 24/7 dynamic, it’s just that overall I feel less stable compared to how I normally am. And yes this is definitely a me issue and not due to my dom

Settle a (light hearted) debate between my wife and I for me.

-

Conversation

Submissive: Huzzah (17:34)

Submissive: Pick up 7? Or 7 30 (18:18)

Dominant: Pick up 7pm! (18:39)

Submissive: Okies
Submissive: I'd better fucking cum then (18:40)

Dominant: Finish in the car (18:40)

Submissive: [name redacted]
Submissive: I’m so close
Submissive: Okay, Jesus Christ
Submissive: Vibrator down (18:41)

-

Above text conversation happened when she was about to start driving home to pick me up for dinner, anniversary date. I was looking damn good and was erm…feeling myself. Genuinely seconds from cumming when the above text conversation happened.

I took from this, “don’t finish. Finish in the car.”

When I got in the car and made a joke about having lube in my purse, she looked at me blankly. I was still very pent up but could tell she was not in an erotic headspace so I didn’t bring up that I wasn’t wearing underwear.

At the restaurant I mentioned how bloody hard it had been for me to put the vibratory down and not have an orgasm.

She was SO CONFUSED because she’d read out exchange as her saying “if you can’t finish. You can finish in the car,” and be saying that I was putting the vibrator down as saying, “don’t worry, managed to cum, no need for anything else!”

How would you have taken it?! I was baffled by the miscommunication but can kinda see what she means. Sort of? But I still think my reading is the more natural reading.

Basically what the title says. I know it isn’t other people my fault for not vetting someone correctly and for jumping into things, however I am hit looking for a talk on that right now. I really need some kind words, everything g that happened has led to me literally unable to move sat on the floor basically with only movement of one arm, woo autistic shutdowns. I just really need someone who is kind and can remind me to breathe. I know it’s all my fault and I shouldn’t put it in other people to get me out of this, but I really need help, I’ve never had this severe of a shutdown before and my body really hurts but I have no ability to move and I’m really scared

I made a post the other day about ruining my D/s relationship bc we have a disagreement. Well we talked it out. He apologized for being busy and ask was I ok. I admit I over reacted due to stress seizures messing with my brain and I been stressed about other life stuff. He wasn’t aware I was in the hospital. We had personal time and it was great 🥲. He lift me and flip me around like I was a feather. I’m a bigger person and he is tall and skinny, I didn’t think he was weak but I was not expecting that. He was rough but not hurting me and we had some affection. After he asked was I less stressed and I am. He just understood what I needed 😭

Hello hi! Hopefully this does not break any rules, but im a long time sub and my current boyfriend is very fresh to this scene! He is super willing and eager to learn to dom/gain some community but we are both struggling to find any spaces like that.

I really like this sub, and all the people on it, so i thought it couldnt hurt to ask if there happens to be an equivalent for doms? A subreddit specifically for seeking advice, blog posting, venting, making friends etc!

Anything is welcome🫶

I’m not really sure what to say or why I’m saying it, I think I just want to vent as I don’t have anywhere or anyone to talk to about this specifically.

I had an online dynamic of sorts with someone on here for the last 15 months, and I say sorts because it wasn’t official and we weren’t ’each others.’ It started with play and evolved into what I’d call a friendship that had elements of intimacy. We talked daily, and not just about dynamic related things, but life and work and everything.

When we played we used honorifics and she would call me hers and say ‘your X belongs to me’ and things of that nature, as well as setting punishments, giving commands etc.

I have no prior experience with dynamics and this side of things, not to mention relationships in general just for context, and she allowed me to have this experience. I learned so much about myself and she made me feel so much more confident and better about myself in general just as a person. So much so that I feel like I grew so much over the time that I knew her.

She deleted her account recently, no word or warning. I reached out elsewhere (somewhere else where we would call) and got nothing back. Now I’m starting to realise I probably never will.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to even feel the way that I do because it was all online, but I feel lost. Empty to some degree. I want so badly to feel angry instead but I’m too grateful to her for all that she did. Is this wrong of me?

Despite this, and the thing that makes me angry at myself rather than her, is that I miss her so much. I miss hearing about her day, teasing her, being a brat, being told I was good, calling her Mommy, being there for her when work or life was difficult. I miss her voice even more.

I’m anxious to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone in any capacity because of this. I let my walls down with her, and while I don’t regret doing it, I didn’t expect her to be the same thing that makes me put them back up again.

Now that I’ve gotten a taste of this dynamic I know it’s what I want, maybe even crave. But I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be able to let someone in again for a very long time.

I also can’t help but look back on things and wish that I’d done things differently. I’m quite shy and I know that I could’ve been a better sub when playing for example, could’ve given more. Should’ve given more. She’ll never know this but I read a book about subbing recently to try and be better when we next played. I was so excited to tell her, to actually be better and maybe surprise her in the session.

Now I just feel foolish. But at the same time I’m hoping I can give someone else that same effort, that same devotion. I want to badly to care about someone in this same way, to show them how much I want and I need them. How much it affects me to be good for them, to submit. But also to make them feel as seen and safe as they make me feel.

I really hope I can when the time is right and I feel ready to try again. One day.

Just ended my dynamic yesterday. After 14 months of exploration. I ended it , it was fizzling.

We ended amicably which I don't know if it's worse. We still love each other but I felt it was time to move on....

I'm giving myself some time before exploring my switch side. Which I feel is calling out to me.

I feel so dumb and out of my league. I am a very smart person but I can't help loving when I get told what to do, not having to make choices. But I've been taught my whole life how important it is to be right, be good, be smart.. I'm a high functioning autistic person as well. I don't know if I should say that or when! I want so so badly to be good and then I misunderstand or don't do it the way I was supposed to and I don't feel good. I don't feel smart right now just lost and confused, I don't understand how I'm feeling or what the rules are (all I've heard are that there are no rules but how am I supposed to do it if there's no rules!?) and I hate that so so much. I feel so dumb and bad at this and I know this is so dumb and just a bad moment or whatever I just ...don't know anymore.

This is about to be a longish rant so sorry in advance. TLDR at the end.
So I’m 25F and recently (about 9months ago) started a long-distance dynamic again with my former Dom. We’ve known each other for three years and previously dated for almost a year. I’ve always had strong feelings for him, but communication has been a recurring problem.
When we do connect, it can feel really good. Recently, he called me for the first time in almost a year and we talked for over an hour. I loved hearing his voice and felt close to him again. But the everyday communication is leaving me feeling like I’m talking to myself.
I initiate almost everything. I share pictures, little things happening throughout my day, ask about his life, say good morning/goodnight, etc. He’ll sometimes respond affectionately, calling me beautiful or babygirl, but there’s very little actual conversation. He rarely shares anything beyond “busy,” “with family,” or “on my way to work.” When I ask what he’s doing, I regularly get “talking to you,” which doesn’t answer what I’m trying to ask.
For example, recently he went over a day without replying despite several messages from me. When he did respond, it was just “Yummy” to a picture of my breakfast. My question about whether everything was okay with his family went unanswered. I asked again whether he was upset with me because the distance feels noticeable.
There’s also the social media situation. He removed me on Instagram and said he deleted his account. Later, he removed me on Snapchat and said he deleted everyone except his family. What I could see afterward didn’t seem consistent with that explanation, although I can’t know exactly what happened. I also recently realized he didn’t know my last name, despite how long we’ve known each other and it having been in my usernames and things I’ve sent him. That hurt.
He tells me to be myself and that he won’t be annoyed or disappointed, but I’m left wondering how much communication or reassurance he actually wants from me. I’m hesitant to bring up the bigger conversation because he has blocked my number before, and I worry he’ll ignore it or block me again.
I know I want a lot of reassurance, and uncertainty is difficult for me. I’m also lonely in other parts of my life, and I recognize that he can’t be responsible for fixing all of that. I understand people work, sleep, and spend time with family. I don’t expect constant availability. But I want him to initiate sometimes, show curiosity about my day, and voluntarily tell me about his. I want to feel like he wants to know me and let me know him.
I feel sad, frustrated, and honestly embarrassed by how much this hurts. Sometimes the silence feels pointed, although I don’t know whether that’s his intention. Asking if he’s upset is me trying to understand what’s happening, not automatically assuming I owe him an apology.

For other submissives: how do you distinguish your own need for reassurance from a dynamic that genuinely isn’t giving you enough connection? How have you brought up communication needs when you feel vulnerable and scared of losing the dynamic? I could use honest advice, especially from anyone who has struggled with wanting someone deeply while feeling like they’re carrying most of the connection.

TLDR: Restarted a long-distance dynamic with my former Dom, whom I’ve known for three years. I initiate almost all contact and share my life, while he rarely initiates, shares very little, and sometimes goes over a day without responding before sending a one-word reply. He can be affectionate, but I feel lonely and disconnected. I want reassurance and mutual effort, but I’m scared to bring it up because he’s blocked me before. How do I tell whether I’m asking for too much reassurance or this dynamic isn’t meeting my needs?

I posted on here yesterday and in the comments we got talking about my Dom edging me. The reaction I got wasn’t really what I expected 😅

So now I am curious , how common is it for Doms to edge their subs and leave them without coming for weeks at a time? Just curious what everyone’s experience has been 👀

I ask this question because I have felt that service subs have to get their satisfaction from serving itself and not need anything in return, and if they want praise or to be taken care of, they would be selfish.

I have been dwelling on what my submission means to me, and for months, I thought that I was service oriented, where my focus would be intentional quality service that improved the quality of life of a Dominant. While service is still something that I want to do, I have been questioning that.

Recently, the idea of becoming a little and taking on a “smaller” role, where I can get taken care of by a Dominant, has been very appealing to me. Along with being taken care of, I want my service orientation to be integrated into this role, where my service would be less of an obligation and more of a voluntary choice with the goal of making them proud. Sort of like a little helper.

The best way to explain such a dynamic would be a relationship between an elementary school teacher and a younger student who wants to help them. The teacher’s role is to guide the student in learning, and the student’s job is to turn in assignments and learn, but some students may want to go above and beyond, which is where my dynamic fits in. It is not the best analogy, and I’m not suggesting that anyone underage will be engaging in a dynamic.

Afew days ago me and my partner(we are dating) were planning to do a short play after we were free. We planned on doing it on a tuesday night and we talked about it on monday and how we both really enjoy it. That whole tuesday I was half getting 'ready', I talked about it frequently because I was extremely excited since these kind of this are truly important to me. Barely an hour before we planned to do it he said he wasn't in the mood.

I understand and can fully take in that you do not want to engage in something sexual when you arent in the
mood, I would never be upset about my partner refusing, rather I am just upset about the building up to that point being canclled. I don't know how to explain it, I can totally understand that my partner can say no but I will obviously be upset. We had a talk about it in the morning and he wants me to take my disappointment on my own, he wants me to change because he feels that when I get upset about not doing a play he feels pressured. In general pressured and pressured into saying yes. Not at all am I ever trying to do that, these kind of things just truly up me and I don't even know what to do anymore. I have had so much problems with sexual stuff forever, I especially cry about it and I thought it'd be okay to cry to my partner about it too, but now it just seems I should cry to him at all about anything sexual. I don't know what to do. This kind of this pains me very much and ever since that i've been dragging my body around like a husk. I feel horrible and I can't help but cry. Is there something I could say to fix a part of this, cope, anything? I just need some help.

Hey everyone, first post here.

Lately it’s been a difficult time with my 3-year-long partner, and it’s likely that we’ll be taking different paths soon.

They were my first relationship, and the person i explored my bottom side with for the first time. They weren’t really a top (though we are both still figuring it out, i am switch/sub and they are mainly sub) but they tried their best to make me feel good.
Even with all their inexperience in domming, and the “mistakes” that they made when we were experimenting these kind of things, i just feel like no one could do it better than them.
If i think about new people i might date in the future, i feel like i will eventually find someone i could enjoy vanilla sex or even being a dom with.
But not as a sub. I feel like they are the only one i want to be a sub for and only they could sub me as i liked.

Also kinda scared because i’m young, M and straight, and where i’m from i don’t feel like girls are very into bottom boys.

I don’t know if this is very commonplace for you guys, but has anyone had this kind of experience when ending a relationship/dynamic?
How do you cope with this?

hi everyone, how much do you think age can matter in these dynamics?

I need to have a pause in our dynamic but its embedded in the entire relationship, from the beginning and I dont actually know what that means.

I can stop following most of the rules that are simple to ignore but.... the feeling, the mindset, the habitual deferrence.. I don't know how to switch that.

I guess part of the issue is I don't really want to I feel like I have to, so its painful as well.

Just looking for anyone else's experiences with pausing a long term 24/7 dynamic with their dom/partner.

Punishment while sir is gone

Wanted to gush for a min for other subs on here. Master is out of town this week. He’s on the other side of the country so he’s been harder to reach (at least for my subby cock driven mind) than usual. He planned this trip out a long time ago before we had even met so I’m so happy for him going. It looks beautiful but I feel like I’m just sitting here riding dildos until he gets back. Anywho, after the third day sir finally displined me for giving him attitude for him not being around.

I’ll set the scene for yall:
I went walking in a white dress (this is sirs rule of no bra/panties while sir is gone) which has been so liberating but still feels weird sometimes
Sir asked how my day was the usual stuff. Then He asked what I was wearing and I told him. (This is normal I have some kind of doll kink or something, still working that one out)
He responded with I wish I could see that.
And I said oh well. Whatever and okay. (I knew what I was doing but I just got in that mood where I wanted to be naughty. I miss being used after all!!) and once sir said okay with a question mark? I knew it was on.

Sir then told me to go to my room fill my holes and wait in front of our ring camera we got for the bedroom. Umm so hot!!🥵

He started by saying strip slut. He then told me to take off all the pillows and blankets off the bed (bit of a brat princess sub sleeps like a queen most all of the time with all the pillows galore) and then present myself with my ass facing him.

He then said because his whore wants to give attitude I guess she doesn’t need pillows or to cum or blankets tonight. I let out a moaning sigh because I knew he was disciplining me just right. Then when I pouted he said what’s wrong? Slut doesn’t look too happy. I stomped my feet a little and I told him yes sir and obeyed. Sir then told me to get something because I needed to be spanked and he would pick it out. He didn’t pick out the biggest paddle than god which I had to crawl on all fours to get. By this point I wanted to cum so much it hurt. If anyone else has experienced this what do you do?!?! I was just so so so turned on.

Sir then instructed me to spank myself 10 times and to make sure he could see welts in the photos I sent. Sir then watched the whole time from our camera with my ass facing him as I spanked myself. Yall when I tell you every. single. one. just made me more wet then the last then he sent this text thread that I just wanna show yall because it was EXACTLY what I needed. I won’t but it was 10 times while I moaned and counted for him. My ass still burns right now typing this. Then when I thought we were done he said let’s go even it out ten more on the other cheek then thank him for punishing me afterward.

This man said thank me for punishing you afterward?! Fuck.

I am his first sub and I swear he’s like a natural dom so I’ve been so impressed. Best ever. Anyway I know there are shitty ones out there (been there once never again) but I wanted to shout out mine because this whore is sooo impressed. And hope he comes home soon 💁🏼‍♀️ and if anyone has tips for sleeping without sheets or pillows let a girl know because he said it was going to be a long night for me and now I know why…worth it!! Also not cumming when sir said no no or is that just a part of it now?? Any other subs out there want to cum so much it hurts?!?!

I’ve (21FtM) been with my partner (25M) for 2 years now. We’ve been trying D/s in the bedroom over the last few months and have started to establish a more consistent routine, not 24/7 but within our day to day life where titles are used to differentiate.

I was thinking about it for weeks, finally came out and spilled my thoughts last night. We talked through everything, boundaries, how to establish the dynamic, what we’re expecting from it. But we’re still looking at rules, rituals, and how to include more day to day things. After a few hours of talking, he agreed and started calling me my pet name today (yay)!

Currently, we have two things established. He’ll command me using my pet name when he wants something done. And I’ll send my Sir a good morning message if I wake up while he’s at work.

We’re both new to this, him being much newer than I am but this is my first official dynamic outside of the bedroom.

What kind of rules and tips do my fellow s-types have? Any recommendation for starting a new dynamic?

Was I in the wrong here?

I just need to vent, because I just miss it sooooo bad 💔

I want to please and admire somebody, show off my cute outfits, do tasks, and follow instructions, receive rewards, or punishments. I want routine, and silly games. I miss having a 24 hour dynamic, and feel so dysregulated.

I feel so alone on this aspect 🥲😟

Hello! I’m not necessarily new to the community, but I definitely don’t have the experience I need to basically kind of make a dom.

My husband is definitely a vanilla person. I knew that when I married him. I am trying to get him out of his shell a little bit and try out a more dom type lifestyle. I’m not expecting him to know all the things and do all the things. We definitely have a very well communicative relationship. We had a pretty impactful night two nights ago. The next day was great! But today he seems a little down and I’m not sure what I’m looking for in a dom-drop situation, if it even is that. What should I look for and are there any tips and tricks?

I understand people are different and I know how to take what resonates and leave the rest. I just need some general questions to ask or advice!

I’ll take anything I can get! Thank you guys so much!

So, it irritates the hell out of me when men/doms fixate on what my physical appearance. I know I have nothing to worry about because I workout 4-5 times a week but if they are pushing so hard in the beginning when we haven't even talked about having any sort of dynamic and have only talked a few days.... I WILL ghost them. And yes ghost because saying anything isn't worth my energy. They will just keep pushing and making excuses. This just tells me they obviously only care about surface level and sex. Do they plan on not talking to me anymore if it doesn't meet their standards? And how the hell do I explain my body anyways.... fit mom bod? Im almost 40 years old... 👀

Anyone else feel this way too?

I should prolly end this dynamic with a Dom because life is life-ing hard for him and I'm struggling to be kind about it. In my defence, he'd ask for videos of me and I'll make them with a lot of care and I'll just get extended periods of silence or explainers. I understand that he's busy, has issues with his phone and his health is also fucked but I simply feel like just telling me these situations managed my expectations for a bit. But only until I feel like I deserve a bit more than just explanations about why he can't show up, and even worse to just swallow my ill feelings after I feel like my trust's been broken? And when I delete these videos because I feel so neglected (I fucking see him dropping lines elsewhere but not to me? FOH), I'm the hurtful betraying one? I can empathise how he'll feel bad, but what should I do when daddy doesn't and can't care for me right now? Shouldn't I do that then? Care for my ownself?

All I want is some accountability and respect. As a sub, I feel like I give so much of myself. He pushes me to be so vulnerable (which is something I just hate doing, but there are ways that it's good and healthy for me) and when things are swell I get the release, regulation and expression I want and need from him and our dynamic. Its fine for a dynamic to end if I feel like we're in different places of our lives. It's fine for a dynamic to end when the communication I need is no longer possible for reasons beyond either of our control. I think I'm just sad because he's truly someone who understands this part of me, and it really feels very special to be seen by someone in this way. And I think I enjoy serving and witnessing his dominant bits, but also other parts of him too.

But our lives are maybe too different these days, and the trajectory of his in the next couple of months might also mean our dynamic will change again and I don't particularly trust that he'll navigate this forthcomingly because he will be so focused on managing his life and obviously, enjoys having a submissive pig around. He deserves to take his time and do what he needs to do with life, but I also deserve to take my submission elsewhere cos that's part of my life too.

Gah, why does standing up for myself always make me feel so weak and raw? Kind words appreciated

TW: SA! Please don’t read this if you don’t like mentions of sexual assault

It’s my first time being a sub and I feel like I’ve come a long way but I don’t think I’m making progress fast enough for my Dom. We have done quite a few kinky scenes and we meet regularly so I can satisfy him with no expectations of anything being returned. I have used my safe word with him quite a bit but it’s also the first time I’ve been intimate since being r*ped. It’s been really hard for me to get used to all of this and I just feel so taken for granted by him and I just really wish he could see how much I’m trying.

That’s it folks, I just wanted to have a little rant/scream into the void

I had my first experience involving kink. Something I have never experienced before is such a strong need to have something in my mouth. Then I went into what I think is subspace and all I wanted was my fingers in my mouth and that desire or thought continues even afterwards. I don't understand what is happening in my head, I feel much less able to think (which is starting to come back) and react and the mouth thing. I just don't understand and I would really appreciate anyone's thoughts.

This I feel is the worse part
I’m sick and I don’t have anyone to help or tell me to be kind to myself or anything :( so I cry hahah