The Boy From Venus 16

[u/shenanigansen]

It's really really cozy in the box btw ...

[u/RedditUser000aaa]

Oh lord. This is actually how incels and femcels think! Like, they believe that every stare they get is directed at them in disgust! Poor Val!

Being trapped in those thoughts is not good!

I genuinely wish Val would value herself more. She's looking too much into the eyes of the crowd. To the point she thinks Audrey is the only one looking at her normally.

She's fallen into the trap of every gaze directed at her being negative and that is seriously sad and tragic! Audrey can only help Val get out of it, but Val has to be the one to do the hard work!

Hopefully she'll be able to regain her confidence!

[u/NerdDetective → u/RedditUser000aaa]

Audrey be like.

[u/RedditUser000aaa → u/NerdDetective]

He's an amazing wingman and I have all the respect for Audrey! He's gotten Val out of those baggy grey clothes and for Val to be a bit more outgoing, but it's up to Val to change her own line of thinking!

[u/NerdDetective → u/RedditUser000aaa]

I do love how much of this comes down to her introspection and being willing to climb out of the pit she fell into.

And also that it's not easy. No "thanks I'm cured" quick fix. Standing there a day later in a room that's definitely not going to be put together when Audrey shows up, because healing takes time and because Val's not put together. But she's trying, and that's what matters. <3

[u/RedditUser000aaa → u/NerdDetective]

She's had amazing progress. She even went out for a night swim with Audrey! But she can't do that for the sake of Audrey. She has to do that for the sake of herself. To go out and socialize and to wear what she believes to be stylish without fear of judgement or harassment!

I believe she'll eventually get that far!

[u/VrindavanNidhivan → u/NerdDetective]

That is amazing. You made my day!

[u/radenthefridge → u/NerdDetective]

Thanks for peak

[u/samantha_pants → u/RedditUser000aaa]

To be fair, lots of non-femcel and incel people think like this, too. They just direct all the blame inward. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.

[u/Lost_Kobold → u/samantha_pants]

As someone with really bad social anxiety i can confirm that thats true sometimes my brain will just start telling me that i shouldn't go to places because nobody wants me there. It used to be harder when i was younger but i learned to force myself into those social situations more often now, even if it still isn't exactly easy

[u/ethanlan → u/samantha_pants]

Im six seven and I guess im attractive because people say so and I get advantages with my looks or end up getting with people who are so much more good looking than I think i am.

It took me way too long to open up and not think people think im a freak due to my size

[u/Ohdee → u/samantha_pants]

I know we all think of the monstrous incels doing awful, hateful things as the only types that exist but there's also a lot that only have hatred for themselves, living lonely sad lives and keeping away from incel communities which is what breeds most of the unhinged ones. I wouldn't even be surprised if the majority of incels are like this - directing the hatred and blame on themselves alone.

Incel just means involuntary celibacy, not "hatred of all women and non incel men".

[u/Ravager_Squall → u/Ohdee]

I hate that this is how I find out i am, infact an incel.

[u/Unconfidence → u/samantha_pants]

Yeah. Like I want so so so badly to be able to be seen as attractive and just like...nice to have in a room. But any time anyone looks at me I can only interpret it as "ew". Like sometimes people will straight up walk up to me and compliment something about my fit, and I have to stop myself from thinking "they're only doing that because they can smell how ugly of a person you are and feel sorry for you".

Femcel? Like...no...definitely not celibate...

[u/SeptemberSoup → u/samantha_pants]

This didn't make me tear up or anything

[u/T_alsomeGames → u/RedditUser000aaa]

I don't think this is strictly an incel thing. I've felt this way on many occasions, and still very much do from time to time. Its just a low self-confidence thing. These feelings are normal, but you can't let them consume you. Never let those thoughts go unquestioned and never give up on yourself.

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/T_alsomeGames]

It ain’t strictly an incel thing, but it is part of what makes incels tick. It’s kind of a square rectangle situation

[u/stilljustacatinacage → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

it is part of what makes incels tick.

There's a weird potential crossroads between low self esteem and narcissism. The "everyone hates me" thoughts can be traced back to self esteem, anxiety, trauma... But where some spiral or some cope, there are others who turn it into a victim complex (I'm using these terms for brevity; I'm not a doctor, not medical advice, etc).

These are the ones at risk for falling into -cel rhetoric (among others) because it soothes and coos the ego, saying "there there, you've done nothing wrong, it's all their fault". Externalizing your problems generally has a lot of success because it's the lowest bar for entry - there's no introspection needed, and no or little effort is asked of you. The quote comes to mind: "Unlike the cruel Leonidas who demanded that you stand, I require only that you kneel."

[u/T_alsomeGames → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

Yeah, that's accurate.