I have gone on 8 dates and have been seeing this guy for two months. The connection is easy. We talk a lot. When we get together, we hike, take walks, get lunch- all 8 dates have been in public. He pays for the dates unless I offer, which I have, a few times.

My ONLY issue is that he's currently not working.

He does have a savings. He pays his bills.

He takes me to lovely places for lunch, and has never asked me to pay, or ask me for money.

He told me he will start looking for a job at the end of the year, but has been focusing on taking care of his aging parents (I know this to be true.)

I'm just SO afraid of making another huge mistake and I don't want to excuse this if it's actually a problem.

Id appreciate any input. Thank you 😊

Ok. Idk how you want me to react. But it’s ok.
Anyways, I’m excited for lunch today. I cried after I hanged up quickly. I’m going to Hudson House later. Not gonna lie, I always feel so distraught after. I get a pit in my stomach and my chest gets heavy. I cried for a minute then stopped. The sadness doesn’t linger as long anymore. I feel slightly better, in a general sense. I’m getting a salad probably a martini too. Life still isn’t the same, but that’s a good thing, right?

Dinner is just these simple ham & cheese sandwiches, nothing special but I like it.

This probably sounds silly at first but please bear with me.

For context I'm trans MtF, no HRT and no voice training and I won't have these for a while since I live with my very unsupportive parents. I also overthink a TON about everything, probably due to my OCD. Also, abandonment-related trauma.

A few weeks ago my girlfriend found out about some cool servers hosted on a videogame called Garry's Mod. The game or these servers don't really matter except for the fact that they use voice chat, and that these servers are based on another videogame series, the latest parts of which I'm not fully familiar with (this will be relevant later on). It's mainly a roleplay server but they also goof around a lot and from what I've seen it's genuinely a lot of fun.

She started playing it a lot, and for the first few times it went okay. But as time went on I started getting more and more uncomfortable. See, she spent a lot of time there and she really wanted us to play together there, but didn't tell me much about it at first since she didn't want me to deal with spoilers. Now that alone would be okay, but I had a completely bigger, unrelated problem with that and I flat out told her that I can't play with her no matter how much I want to, because of my voice. I can't stand my own voice and I completely hate it, since I don't sound feminine at all. I told her everything since we trust each other; I told her just how jealous I was because she spent tons of time there and I told her how much I hate the fact that I can't join her just because I was born this way.

You're probably thinking I'm overreacting, and that's what I was telling myself too, and that's what I told her. But there's more to this.

I said that I hate how I felt this way because I didn't want to make her sacrifice this one thing that she clearly began to like and love spending time on just because of my dumb feelings; I wanted her to be happy. Since then she tried to kind of balance out how much time she spends there with how much time we spend together on discord (we live close to each other but rarely meet due to private reasons, whole different story, so us just talking, watching and playing in the evenings is the only way for us to spend time together for the most part) and she truly shown me she cares about me. I thought finally talking this through would help me, but nope.

Every other day when she did play on that server just made our evenings feel bleak to me. I feel like she has so much fun there compared to the time we spend together, no matter how much I try. It feels like she found her people there, she even brought one of our friends there who normally doesn't have much time to spend with us even on weekends but has somehow found a lot of time to play on these servers. And I just feel left out. She told me before that the community there was really friendly and there was no bigotry allowed, which gave me a short burst of confidence, but I just feel too weak given my dysphoria, and I can't bring myself to even give this a chance. I feel terrible, the whole time before all of this I struggled to even look at myself in the mirror, but now it's just too much. And I don't want to tell her to stop, I want her to be happy. But this completely ruins me every day, especially since I was once already abandoned in a similar way by a group of people who I considered my best friends. All of this just amplifies my gender dysphoria, and my trauma makes this even worse. I feel so helpless.

edit: There is someone impersonating me on here, trying to make my post look fake. My account is 6 months old, not 7 years old. I am actually 17, like I said. i genuinely wasn’t expecting so many people to see this. I was admittedly in a pretty bad place mentally when I wrote all of this earlier. I’ve gotten so many responses saying this is fake or it’s written by AI, and I promise it is not. I was just needing somewhere to write about my feelings for a bit, and it was very startling to see so many accusations that this is all fake and too cliche to be real. People are allowed to say whatever they want on public platforms, but I’ve struggled with derealization issues before, and having dozens of people tell me my account and post is fake is really anxiety inducing. I’m very much a real teenage girl who was just looking for some help from some other women. (Once again I know I posted on a public platform and was not expecting only positive replies, (I’ve gotten so many constructive criticisms that have been really helpful to hear!) but still I’ve never had this many negative responses on Reddit before.)

Lunch today is salad and a Starbucks iced tea.

I have 2 moms, who conceived me and my sister using sperm donors and IVF. I’ve never really cared, I love my moms and always got upset when people told me my family was dysfunctional because “kids NEED a dad”. But in the last year, my desire for a father has gotten overwhelming strong. My friends all have “traditional” families, one mom one dad. And I’m so jealous that they have dads. I’ve always liked male validation, but now it’s something I crave so strongly, that I’m scared for my future.

Im still in highschool, and have never dated or even kissed anyone. But every boy I’ve ever been friends with I’ve developed crushes on, and end up willing to do anything to please them. All through middle school I had a boy I was friends with, who was really an asshole to me (called me a slut multiple times, body shamed me, just general bullying) but I was completely obsessed with him. Every day I went home crying but every time I was with him I was back to just submitting to whatever he wanted. I have this fear that I’m going to end up in an abusive relationship when I’m older because any sort of praise from a man will bring me back.

My biggest dream in life is to get married and have kids. I know that’s a really controversial dream for a girl, and that I should have bigger dreams but I adore kids and really want my own. It’s truly what I want. I just have this terrible feeling that my lack of father, therefore lack of men in my life, will lead me to be so desperate for male attention and love that I’ll ruin my life.

I just really want a man to love me.

Edit: I do realize this sounds really dramatic and not serious at all, but it’s very much a real thing I’ve been struggling with. Again, I’m a teenager so I don’t have experience with relationships of any kind really. And as for therapy, I have very bad generalized anxiety disorder ( I got diagnosed by a therapist, not self diagnosing myself here) and have been working on getting into therapy for it for months, but I need a referral to see a psychiatrist first. But yes, I’m very aware my brain is pretty messed up and I should get into therapy asap

ALSO!! I know wanting to get married isn’t controversial and it’s very common to want. I meant not having a career, and instead devoting myself to my future husband and kids is what’s controversial. My whole life I’ve been told to dream bigger and not water myself down to just being a wife and mom, but I don’t have any desire to do anything else

This was my breakfast this morning! Just some toast and coffee!

Why can’t I be perceived as a woman? Why is it when I match with someone they instantly block me.

I feel so out of place with me and womanhood. I’m transgender and have been on E for 6-7 months now. And while I feel like there hasn’t been any change… my close people in my life keep telling me there is. So how come I’m still perceived as a man 80%? I want to use the women’s bathroom without being scared someone will say something to me.

I have long hair, but I think it’s my face and lack of makeup that makes me a target. Going on Reddit and asking if I’m ugly and everyone is telling me “it will never get better. Just get over it and drop this trans bs”

Will it always be like this? Will I never feel truly like a woman when I’m with other women? I just want it to get easier. To enjoy my life as who I’m supposed to be. I

Dinner is boiled egg with soy sauce and wafers. It’s everything that pleases me at this moment.

It should be said that my cousin “Lorraine” has always been the type to wear her opinions on her sleeve. She’s loud about it, but she’s also proactive in learning new stuff, and is happy to apologize when she changes her mind. She’s also happy to walk the walk with her beliefs, and have donated both money and time to causes she believes in. She also have a lot more going than just her opinions; she was co-head of the hiking club in highschool, and part of many a club I don’t remember in college. I believe she had a decently successful nature photography Instagram page going at some point. At least, that’s my perception of her, a portrait painted from sparse family gatherings and even sparser texts. 

Due to being the only person based in the city I’m currently in, I’m tasked by parents and the wider family to show her the ropes as she arrived here for her first job out of college. This was exciting, because I’m working my first job too, and the growing pains are still fresh from a year ago. She’s of course more than happy to have someone to talk with in this new city. That’s why we’ve been meeting up far more. 

It's understandable that people would like their closed ones to share the same political opinions as they do, but even then there’s usually differences. Call me normie but I’ve successfully maintained friendship with a very sweet girl by NOT discussing political points I’m sure we disagree on, and I’m sure my partner holds different economical beliefs to me. For Lorraine, I found out, this standard applied for everyone. 

Our second outing was defined by a literal quiz down she gave me on the major political points she cared about, followed by convincing/ chastising me on answers she deemed insufficient. Still, I must have passed her test because she’s willing to associate with me. According to her, she does this to everyone she’s willing to associate beyond a shallow manner. 

She researches almost any shop she goes to extensively to see if they practice politics she disagree with; which translates to nearly no spontaneity in outings. We cannot just pull up google maps and decide what looks good, a whole itinerary must be provided to her so she can research. I confess I thought it was stupid, but she genuinely got sick and had to throw up when she found out she ate a candy from a brand that is “evil.” Needless to say, I’m not very keen on going out with her anymore.  

Recently, my mother told me that Lorraine has been having trouble at work, and I should go talk to her. Over coffee I found out that a major news piece has been eating her alive, and she’s so worried about associating with evil that she’s taken to questioning her coworkers on said news piece. I asked if she was like this in school, and she told me she’s always had this sense of justice, it’s only grown by learning of the injustice of the world. I suggested maybe we should all prioritise functioning in society first so we can change it later, and she said I was abetting evil. I suggested maybe she should find someone to talk to about her beliefs and she literally shutted down. I don’t think she will want to see me anymore for a long long time. 

It’s just, it’s not even about her beliefs. I agree with a lot of her beliefs to some extent; it's just she had willingly turned herself into a board and I’m no longer seeing the human underneath all those slogans. I don’t know how to say this, and reading my own words I keep seeing “I,I,I,I”, so maybe I’m really just judging from my limited view point. I’m not close with her, you can tell, and I don’t really understand her. I feel sadness about this, but is it even my place to judge. I feel somewhat obligated help, and overwhelming resistance to get off my ass and do something real about it. 

I really need some clarity over a traumatic series of events that happened years ago because looking back at it, I can’t even believe this happened.

Some backstory: I was really happy working on my small business (online, crystal shop) and I made some other shop friends along the way. We did weekly auctions as a group to sell to our customers and we also supported each other in general. 

After a few months of growing my following (IG) and shop, I started to gain some traction and I know that this was the beginning of this other shop and “friend” trying to sabotage my shop and business. 

At the same time, I was in a toxic relationship where I was living in fear every single day, so working on my shop and unboxing crystals was not only healing for me, but very necessary for my mental and emotional health. I became close (friendship-wise) with one particular shop who happened to be looking for a new roommate and I was desperately trying to get away from my toxic ex so I told her that I will move in with her. It was a big decision for me because it meant moving over 3,000 miles away, but we really clicked and I vibed with her energy so much, I thought it was the best decision at the time. 

I mention this because I know for a fact that the other woman was jealous of me moving in with my other friend and that’s when she started to make up lies about me and try to turn my friend against me. And sadly, it worked. My friend believed this girl into thinking I said stuff about her (when I never did). 

I’m a very easy-going person and I am the last person to create some drama. I was honestly fighting for my life, trying to get away from my ex, and find some peace, and I get hit with this female spewing nonsense about me and my shop. 

Long story short, I moved back home and my close friend had blocked me on IG, believing in the lies this jealous girl told her. I never really confronted her on what she did, I basically gave her no attention because I knew it’s exactly what she wanted. She wanted attention and for people to notice her. She is manipulative and a narcissist and she would always tell other shops to “watch out for me”—played dumb and innocent. 

She also did this with another shop, who I feel bad about too, bc she was really sweet and also in our group. 

Basically, I was so traumatized by all this that I left my shop without notice, for years, I didn’t check my account until recently because I want to start over and do something I love again, but my shop no longer exists. I searched my shop name and no account is found. Can this happen? Does IG delete your account if you haven’t logged in for ~4 years?

Sorry for the rant, but I really don’t want to let what happened stop me from starting anew. Some advice would be great. Thank you for reading and I wish you a beautiful day. ☀️ 

Dinner was fig and bacon pizza.

Dinner is a pulled pork sandwich from my local BBQ joint. Wednesday is $5 burger or pulled pork sandwich night.

In another post, a trans person said something like "not feeling like a woman". I remember when I said that to my therapist when I was transitioning. So she asked me "what is that supposed to feel like?" I was stumped. I had no idea. This was the best question she ever asked me. Outside of that, she sucked as a therapist. But back then, there weren't many therapists who saw trans people. Anyway, I couldn't answer that question. The reality is that I can only feel like me. As much as I would have liked to be cis, that didn't happen. So I will never have the experience of growing up with a female body. I can only know how it feels to be me. And that's true for everyone. I'm just glad to have gotten a chance to transition. And I'm glad to be on the girl side of that.

Pesto pasta

My boyfriend screamed "shut the fuck up" in my own apartment, threatened to leave, and gaslit me after blaming his performance issues on Lexapro. I actually left, to give myself space. but he came back, took me to dinner, and pretended everything was fine. I folded and went out with him.

Later that night, I checked his phone. 6+ hours on Safari in a single week while I wasn't around even though he claims he can't perform with me because of his meds (but has zero issues doing it solo).

I'm acting like a detective in my own home with a man who verbally abuses me, love-bombs me with a free meal, and then retreats into his phone. Im so exhausted , how do I know what he’s on safari for? We have a strict no adult content boundary that was set years ago on both ends. 

Three Cheese Tortellini from a fancy resturant he took me to for my birthday.

My boyfriend [27M] & I [25F] have been together for two years going on three and he may legitimately be the best man I've ever met. Sweet, generous and funny, he loves to spoil me and has never treated my with anything less than utmost love & respect. He's gone out of his comfort zone a lot so he can be a better boyfriend for me. Our house is covered in dry flowers because I dry the bouquets he buys me.

He also has developed an aversion to stressing about time because of his parents and it's turned into a complete inability to be mindful of time. We are constantly late to things & he frequently ends up overpromising and underdelivering because he doesn't think about how much time he has & stacks his plate too high. If I ask him to do something & he can do it immediately he will, but 7 out of 10 timss if he has to do that thing later he won't have time for it.

He's also messy. Not dirty, but not mindful. He'll cook for me as a sweet gesture, but I've started to kind of hate it because the kitchen will be a mess afterwards & I have to clean it because he basically doesn't do any cleaning without prompting. He says he just doesn't notice it the way I do & I don't think he's lying because I was geninuely the same way when I was younger & he lived with his mom until 3 years ago.

And he doesn't get mad at me for nagging him, prefers it actually, but I hate nagging him.

I don't know. The idea of not having him in my life is miserable and he's been my rock through so many things, but sometimes the daily maintenance of life feels like it'd be logistically easier without him.

But based on all the men I know, if I left I'd likely end up with someone who is a worse person and just as messy.

Most of the time I don't mind and I am motivated by making his life easier because I love him, but every time he slips & his habits get in his own way I can feel myself starting to resent it.

Edit: I kept rambling in my intial post so I tried to tighten it to what felt most relevant, but some of the messages are making it very clear to me I should have mentioned we are both AuHD.

Edit 2: I accidentally omitted a word that, in retrospect, explains the accusations of weaponized incompetence. He says he doesn't "notice" messes, not thst he can't clean it as well as I can. He cleans just fine & does it gladly if I prompt him & has gotten neater over time.

this is like the twelfth almonds cluster i’ve eaten in a row because i cannot emotionally cook for
myself at this moment.

first of all, i know this is an irrational reaction to have. i just want to get that out there.

my boyfriend got a new job that is going to massively impact our lifestyle in a positive way. he’s going to propose to me by the end of this year (i just don’t know when — we’ve picked out the ring and everything) and we have an amazing relationship.

we just moved back to his home city and i WFH so, effectively, i know nobody. he was originally working in the entertainment industry and working odd hours but bringing home around the same amount of money as i do at my regular job. he’s been looking for a more reliable 9–5 gig so that his schedule is a little more aligned with mine and with his friends. he got a corporate job offer today that pays six figures and he has essentially offered to support both of us while i go to grad school. i already told him i am going to continue working but that i appreciate that offer.

this all sounds amazing and IS amazing, but the problem is that he will be traveling for nearly half of the year for weeks at a time. and i already feel a bit lonely in this new city…and i can’t imagine that getting better when he’s gone half the time.

we also moved from nyc, and so i do not have a car currently. that’s not a permanent problem, but it’ll be an issue for awhile.

idk im just feeling a little bit…like im about to be a kept-ish woman. i kept a brave face on while he was telling me the news because i am so genuinely excited for him…but i’ve been crying all afternoon. help!

edit: i just want to say that this will be a life-changing amount of money for us lol. we thought we would never be able to buy a house and now it’s a real option.

EDIT 2: thanks everyone for the pep talks!! i think the root of this feeling is actually of my own making — i’ll work on my low self-esteem and get out there for myself 🗣️‼️

Dinner: Tres Leches Birthday Cake

I have never been so lost with religion before. It's how I've grown up; it's my normal. But recently, I feel as if I've been flipped over like a turtle, and I don't know what to do.

In my hometown, I started studying the Bible because I was inspired by my girlfriend (Yes, I'm gay and religious. Pick a struggle, ikr), but not only have I been given a list of Sins to look through to determine which ones I needed to work on but I was shocked by the amount of adultery in my church. I talked with a group leader about how I was disappointed that God didn't punish people dependent on sin; she then opened up about how people sin all the time, then shared a story of how a woman admitted to adultery, but it's ok because she repented and it'd never happen again. Talked with my mom because I was shocked; then I was flash-banged because she said a man cheated on his fiancée with 3 OTHER WOMEN, but it's ok because they worked it through marriage counseling in the church, and they've been married for 10 years now. WHAT?! THAT WAS LITERALLY A SIN ON THE SIN LIST, AND ALSO HOW TF WAS BEING GAY WORSE THAN BEASTIALITY AND ADULTERY? TF ARE WE DOING!?! My other group leader (once I came out to her) then said, "Oh yeah, there's tons of people like that in the church, but it's okay; they can just live/repent those sins and marry a wife/husband as God intended." Oh wow!?

In my College town, I trusted a "friend" to watch my pet fish, and I thought I could trust him with my pets. Sadly, they killed off my plants, snails, and a fish, then proceeded to blame it on me because I didn't spoon-feed the exact rules to them. I confronted them about the state of the tank, and they gaslit me and refused to pay for damages except for the Uber to the store. He claimed watching the fish was a sacrifice and that we should pray over this situation. WHAT IS THERE TO PRAY OVER?!? I am already tired because this church turned out to be part of the "Network"; search up "Leaving the Network." Other than rampant love-bombing, recycled sermons/songs solely focused on the following leaders, their quote before dinner volunteer service: "servants of God's varied grace", and so much more I cannot fit.

I am incredibly disappointed with this church overall.

Femboy here, I hope I can post here.

I am talking to this guy I met online right? He saw my ad he messaged me everything is going great.

We exchange pleasantries, we even get on a call. We talked and got to know each other like really got to know each other.

I'm waiting for a plumber so I'm home. I start kneeding dough as we're on the phone laughing and talking. Then we exchange pictures. His response?

Him: "Oh I thought you said you were Asian...."

Me: "I said I am half Asian."

Him: "I thought you said you wrre adopted...?"

Me: "My biological mom was Japanese and my dad was Tahitian and French. I was adopted by a Chinese family."

Him: "Oooh half Asian.... Right...."

I hear this tone of "you expect me to believe that?"

So he's okay with me being a femboy, he's okay with me being tall. Apparently not looking like some k-pop idol.

My aunt wants me to meet a matchmaker, says I need someone Asian. So does everyone else in my family who dated outside the ethnicity and we're all single.

We didn't date but this was a lesson for me. Don't be the fourth to waste your time on a foreigner.

Food: some yummy cookies😋

That's it. That's the whole thing, I just had to tell someone because my friends already don't like my boyfriend so I couldn't tell them💔
IT'S JUST REALLY GROSS like I love him but sometimes we'll be on facetime and he'll just go digging for gold and it eat in front of me. Like... at least don't lmk you do it?? Wtf???😭
Edit: to everyone saying "you kiss him?" We're long distance and 3,000miles away, and I've only seen him irl once
Edit #2: guys I'm a teenager I'm not in elementary school🙏

Chicken nugget stars for dinner from the toaster oven

My long distance casual no commitment boyfriend is flying out in a few weeks and I’m absolutely positive I’m going to be on my period when he does. We have been hooking up and hanging out for a long time now but I’ve always timed it to work out for a week between when I ovulate and my period. This time my luck ran out.

I don’t know how he’ll handle it and I’m scared to bring it up. I’m not ashamed of my body or anything but I know it can just be a matter of preference. And it’s fine if his preference is to not do anything…… but I think about hooking up all the time. I would just be really disappointed if we didn’t do anything.

Which feels very silly. We have a great arrangement that benefits both of us and genuinely enjoy spending time together. We have a bunch of really fun plans. I’m just down bad :(( but maybe it’ll be fine and he won’t care or we can make out or something? I had an ex who wouldn’t even look at me on my period so I guess I’m just nervous. Ugh!!!

Dear diary, why do all men think that if I’m friendly with them it means that I wanna fuck them and not that I am just a nice person?
I am friendly with everyone, I don’t see any point in acting mean or rude, why would I do that? I do enjoy having lots of friends/mates cause why not?
I guess I’m too immature for my early twenties, cause all this time I thought that talking to some random guy for an hour is an okay friendly thing to do. And honestly, I don’t know how to talk to men and I’m very dumb about men, I do see manipulative and toxic people fast, but when it comes down to romantic and sexual part I become very naive and dumb. I think it’s because of the sexual trauma that I had as a kid, the fact that I was very ugly until I turned 12, then I had a sudden glow up and from very ugly became very pretty, then by the age of 17 I had a glow down due to my lifestyle during quarantine, now I’m better and had a crazy glow up again and getting only better physically.
I didn’t have enough of experience with men, I have never ever dated anyone cause I was always picky about the people I closely surround myself with.

I’m in my early twenties, but I still yearn for the teenage cutesey type of relationship when u have ur first kiss, make each other cute gifts like chocolate and tremble kissing each other. I’m honestly very very innocent, I even look very young and my innocence reads in my features. I’m confident as a person, but not confident as a woman with men. And honestly, I feel more attracted to 18-19 yo guys than 20+, cause we are pretty much on the same wave dating vice waiting for our first kiss and stuff.

Yesterday I made a post what lead to a lot of hate, I did word this whole story word, I described one situation with a guy that tried to hit on me later after I had an hour long convo with him in the corridor, he brought me a meal yesterday what honestly made me uncomfortable cause I tried to be just friendly with him and he decided that I was ok with something more, I don’t feel like he is beneath me, I just don’t like him and his attention makes me uncomfortable.
I rejected the suggestion to go on a walk with him during our first convo ever, and I’m mad that on another day he suggested me three fckin times to go out with him cause I kept saying no! I’m still nice and friendly to him when I see him around my dorm and say hey, but he acts rude now xD.

Now I think of the all long convos that I had with men and damn, they all prob thought that I wanted to hit on them, it is disgusting cause I had truly friendly only intentions damn. Now I’m sad and fell like I should avoid men at any cost.

He called me a bitch again
Instead of apologizing he’s blowing up the air mattress after giving me the silent treatment all day

He’s 40

It’s been 8 years

I’ve been in therapy for the last six months for working on my self esteem and I’ve learned as part of that process that the way he treats me is unacceptable

His time to get his shit together is running out

I don’t think he can do it

I think he’s really going to let me down after all

When I was younger, I used to prefer the idea of having a son over a daughter, but as I got older and started seeing all these boy moms and gender reveals where people show how much hatred and misogyny still exists against girls/women, it disgusted me.

It still kinda makes me feel like utter shit seeing how many people hate women for simply existing.

(Also, I know baby gender disappointment is a real phenomenon with humans, but it seems like most of these videos of people having a negative reaction are American. Idk if they may have a statistical difference in how Americans view the gender of a baby vs. other parts of the world. At least they weren't China, where they literally aborted/killed the daughters and caused a massive gender gap. I know in Western europe, the gender norms thing is not as big of a deal there and you won't see pink everywhere for girls and blue for boys.)

It made me reflect on my own reasoning as to why I felt I wanted a son over a daughter and realized how silly it is. Nowadays, my preferences have changed to be slightly favoring a girl, but ultimately, it doesn't matter, in an ideal world, I'd get to experience both.

The only reason that still remains that is a concern of mine is that the father would be biased towards our daughter due to the 'daddy-daughter' bond. That rule would obviously count for the both of us. I also get concerned that the father of my child would also neglect our relationship for the child, which is less of a gender thing and more of a "what type of parent/partner are they". I believe in a healthy balance and ultimately making sure you still prioritize your partner. I find it gross when someone loses themselves completely just because they have a child. I grew up with a mom like that and the toxic shit she said and did 😬😬 NO!

I also really want to avoid pushing gender norms on my children, and I hate how obsessed America is with masculine and feminine stuff. I would actually not tell anyone what the gender of the baby is until after the baby shower happens (or during), so that my daughter doesn't get 200 pink items or my son doesn't get 200 blue items. I would actively work on raising them to understand, you can love pink, cry, care about your skin, and talk about your feelings and not be "gay" or "less of a man" and you can love working out, knowing how to fix things, being assertive and strong while being a woman and not being seen a "bitch".

Idk if I will ever be a mom, I'm 26 already and not even close to wanting to be a mom, but if i were to become one ever and find the right father... I hope I will be able to be as good as mom as possible, because I know how much it sucks having shitty parents.

Dinner is just paprika and avocado cause my chicken burned while I was cooking :(

I met this guy three years ago when I was new to the country. We were dating for a while, but eventually, he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Of course, that hurt me.I remember inviting him to a friend’s party once, and when people asked how long we had been together, he basically said we were nothing. I felt so sad but I never confronted him about it. I just stopped contacting him and moved on with my life. Eventually, I got a boyfriend.

The thing is, this guy never really stopped reaching out. He would text me on my birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and sometimes random days. I always replied politely, saying I was busy, but I never explained why.

I remember New Year’s Eve when he asked what I was doing. The year before, I told him I can’t, the following year, he asked if we could celebrate together, and I lied and said I was going out with friends because I didn’t want to tell him I had a boyfriend. But deep down, I actually wanted to see him so badly that I got nervous and dropped my phone into the toilet. 😭 But I didn’t.

almost two years later, I finally told him I was in a relationship, but he asked if we could please meet and talk. We eventually met, and I realized how much I had missed him. I felt genuinely happy being around him. During our meeting, he was pretty straightforward and asked me to come to his place. I said no, that I was going home after we ate. He accepted it, but while walking me to the metro, he suddenly became a little dramatic, asking what had happened between us. He even said he wasn’t going to let me go so easily and held my hand.I know it sounds like a scene from a movie, but I got weak. We ended up going to a bar for more drinks, after he called an uber and I got home safe (even I wanted so bad to go with him).

A few days ago, he called me again Saturday night and I was at my boyfriend’s place, I got nervous so I went to the bathroom to answer. Except I hadn’t realized that I had already answered the call before I got there. He had heard me talking to my boyfriend.When I finally spoke to him, he asked if I was alone. I said yes, and he told me to swear on my father’s name.

At that point, I was pretty sure he had heard everything.

He then told me to come over because he was feeling emotional and needed to talk to me. He even offered to pay for my Uber. I was like, WTF? Are you serious?

I told him there was no way I was coming to his place. He then asked if we could meet the following weekend instead. He suggested going to a market together, and I said maybe, that I would see. Before ending the call, he basically told me that if I changed my mind, I knew how to find him and that he would be waiting for me.

And now I’m pretty sure he’s going to text me this weekend about “my maybe” meeting up.

I know he doesn’t want to be just friends. I’m in a relationship now, and I know it’s not fair to my boyfriend to entertain something with another guy, especially when I know there are feelings involved. I just don’t know what should I do.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think this guy genuinely has feelings for me and regrets how things “ended”, or is he just interested again because I’m no longer available to him? Manipulating or so? :(

Arby's beef and cheddar because I have 0 standards for food

Currently talking to a work crush of like 1.5 years after never speaking before. I'm down catastrophic, down abysmal, I'm practically in the earth's core.

I've never gotten along with someone so quickly and thoroughly before, and it's nice to make a friend I can relate too so deeply. Which also sucks because I'm head over heels at this point with a whole 0% chance of anything happening

Life would be easier if I liked men, oh well more yearning and agony for me.

Lesbians please tell me if this is a normal happening or if im just clinically insane

Dinner: String cheese and veggie tray veggies.

My marriage has been on the rocks for a year and some change now. Due to this and many other confounding circumstances, my mental health has drastically deteriorated.

I have not been able to even hold a part-time job, which is killing me, because I used to be the kind of girl that would happily work 80+ hours, maintain a social life for both myself and my husband, and successfully navigate my part-time military service.

I have an estranged relationship with my parents, I only have health insurance through my husband, and I don’t know what employment prospects are realistically out there for me.

Given my lack of reliable support network, and my current mental health state, and my current employment status,
I am heavily leaning toward placing my baby in an adoptive arrangement. I don’t believe any longer that I’d be able to give my baby the life she deserves. Especially, because I’d likely end up being a single mother, and I’m already in an incredibly vulnerable position financially, mental health-wise, and with no support network.

Life is already so hard right now… and I fear that the challenges of single parenting would make it substantially harder. I don’t want her to have a mother that can barely survive. I want her to have two thriving parents that will love her and cherish her and spoil her and keep her safe.

So, I’ve had the most ridiculous crush on my boss for almost an ENTIRE year. An entire year of being absolutely down bad for this man

The thing is, I genuinely thought the attraction was mutual. There have been moments where I feel like he was flirting with me and I swear there’s tension

Anyway, we had a company happy hour today, and we ended up leaving at the same time. We were walking home in the same direction until we eventually parted ways. And because I’d had a few drinks and apparently decided tonight was the night to throw all caution to the wind because of liquid courage, I texted MY BOSS to try to shoot my shot. I asked if he wanted to grab something to eat together. I asked him this bc while we were walking home he mentioned he was getting dinner

He responded that he’d already gotten food and told me to have a good night ☹️

I cannot even begin to describe the embarrassment I feel right now. I genuinely want the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Part of me wants to quit tomorrow, change my identity, and relocate to a different continent…. How the fuck am I supposed to look this man in the eyes tomorrow?

Obviously, I’m going to show up to work and act completely cool, calm, and collected, as though nothing happened. But internally? I am absolutely mortified

And I think what makes this so much worse is that I’m genuinely heartbroken. I’ve liked this man for so long. Almost a year of having eyes for nobody but him. I haven’t even wanted to pursue anyone else because, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve been holding onto the possibility that something might happen between us

After not putting myself out there romantically for so long, I finally worked up the courage to make a move, and now I just feel like a complete fool

I know that asking someone to grab food isn’t exactly a declaration of undying love, but to me, it felt like a huge step. My heart hurts a little and I would very much like to never show my face at work again

Edit: I KNOW to not shit where I eat. I KNOW. I have always been anti coworker my entire career, but it just felt so different with him. Please don’t tell me I’m stupid, I already know that

Additional edit to add that this is the convo:

Me: do you want to get dinner together?
Him: what do you mean?
Me: if you haven't ate yet maybe we should get a night snack or something
Him: gotcha gotcha. eating my chipotle burrito rn. sorry. have a good night though!

TO ME, this is shooting my shot like HOW MUCH MORE DIRECT CAN I BE 😭

Day 3 Leftovers from a giant pot: Golden Curry with Tofu.

It's yummy but after 3 days i can't curry anymore! 🤢

My stepchild (16) came to me this morning before school and asked me if I would help get a chest binder for their size 34 C chest.

They have been shifting towards a more loose fitting clothing style for a few months now, basically since the school year started, so I wasn't surprised, just at a loss to find something appropriate.

They fit in a women's medium (hollister size) with the C cup and I'm worried if i get the wrong size there could be pain or damage. They don't always speak up if they're uncomfortable, so I might not know right away if the fit is not good.

I need advice (even more wonderful if i get some from trans folks that have used binders) on how to size properly, and a recommendation on online shops if allowed here.

Dinner is a baked potato with a corn on the cob and cut up steak

So im young and stupid and used retinol a couple of months ago in hope it would help with my hyperpigmentation and it just made my life more miserable. I shouldve thought twice about it and researched more into the chemicals im literally just slapping on my face. My skin barrier (im assuming) is completely stripped, my face is always dry and constantly peeling in small pieces like a snake with a fucked up shed. Its constantly in pain or in discomfort and it makes my life just a little more painful, i have eczema so im used to constant discomfort but this feels worse since its my fault. Sometimes my eyes will burn randomly or when i rub them,if i cry my eyes hurt,scratch my face a little too hard? Now i have marks there for atleast an hour and more skin peeling in that area. My eczema has never attacked my face or atleast not to this extent so i know its not that. My dermatologist gave me steroid and non steroid creams for my face and it feels like its doing nothing.Sometimes i hate going out in public because my face drys up so fast after putting on moisturizer it looks like i don’t put effort into my looks, literally everywhere peels, my eyebrows,cheeks,under my eyes, everywhere. I know people are starting at it when they look at me and it’s more noticeable because of my skin color.Just overall making my social anxiety worse. Sometimes family and friends point it out like i just didn’t put 3 different creams of my face and like i dont know that its there,i do,i always know its there.

EDIT: thanks to everyone giving suggestions and support. i will be putting the suggestions in motion as soon as i can

EDIT 2: Ive stopped using the retinol awhile ago and haven’t used anything on my face since besides ofc my prescriptions and Vaseline

EDIT 3: again thank you all for the support and recommendations,i was honestly scared this would never get better since what the doctors are giving me has shown no results after so long, im planning on either getting aquaphor soothing skin balm or la roche posay cicaplast balm, and get some more vanicream since i know it works for my skin (i ran out) also cetaphil gental skin cleanser when i think my skin can handle it.I will be bringing it up to my dermatologist for extra confirmation on whats safe and not.Ngl now i feel like one of those sephora kids after this whole experience

I'd never match. For context, I'm 35F, bi/pan and demi but am looking for a relationship with a man. I live in the "Texas of Canada", and I have to keep reminding myself that men here are.. well, I would say different. But I'm coming to realize it's hard no matter where you are.

I am so tempted to give up on dating and convert my profile into some helpful tips. I know I would never get a match after that, because.. I just don't think they'd take kindly to what I have to say. I'd like to convince myself that the person that's meant for me would actually agree with my points, but at the same time, I immediately get turned off whenever I see a guy's profile and they're describing exactly what they're looking for.. something about it just really irks me. So, we'll add that to the list of things I wish I could say to men if they'd actually care to listen (but we all know they won't, they'll just complain and call me whatever names make them feel better and continue to wonder why they can't convince anyone to date them):

1. Stop, just fucking STOP answering the "looking for" or "I want someone who" prompts with things like "is active"/"goes to the gym". We all know what that's code for. How about, instead of telling me to work out or look a certain way, use this as an opportunity to tell me about yourself and your actual interests. I guess all you're interested in is unrealistic beauty standards. Cool. Instant left swipe.
2. When your profile says you're Conservative, I immediately jump to the fact that you vote against my rights as a woman. The government in my province has a vendetta against queer folks & women, and yes, obviously voting conservative is more than that, but.. the fact that that's even in the conversation should be enough to not even consider them. Swipe left because I'm exhausted, I don't have it in me to explain this concept.
3. "I'm not looking for a pen pal, let's meet in person". So, one time, in my early dating app days, I let a guy take me to his house once only to get me day drunk and have to covertly get myself an Uber and sneak out after he revealed that he's "super straight". And got, like.. mad at me about it? You really think I'm taking that chance again? 🎶 To the left, to the left 🎶
4. The photos. The fucking PHOTOS, GUYS. COME. ON. Why are you posting memes?? Why are you posting photos with sunglasses and a hat in every picture? (I mean, I know why. But you're not going to be able to hide that forever, just show your damn face and stop wasting people's time. You're hatfishing and you know exactly what you're doing). WHY are you using 5 of the 6 photos to post pictures of a car you don't even OWN?! And, just FYI, if all you have is group photos and you expect me to play detective to figure out which one you are in the group, congratulations. You've made it on the list of people I'm coming back to haunt as a ghost. This is now personal, and I hate you.
5. This one is still photo related, but deserved its own number because it's that bad. Please, please, please. I beg you. Stop making stupid faces. I get it, everyone does it. But to me, I just can't fucking stand it. It's not cute. Especially when it's literally all of your photos, and there's not a single "normal" one on there of just a regular smile. Or when the "silly face" is the same one in every single photo. Please. Please stop. At this point, I have a mental stim that's just "swiper, stop swiping" as my thumbs try to convince my brain that we'll land on "the one". Any swipe, now. They're sure of it.
6. I get it, making friends is hard these days (I'm actually being genuine here and not sarcastic). But you gotta have more than selfies on your profile. Get family to take a photo of you. Anything to make it known you do, in fact, have contact with other people which is reassuring for.. reasons.
7. Grooming. Look, I don't know what it's like to be a dude. Facial hair is exciting, I guess? Maybe I'm just extra sensitive because I don't like facial hair beyond a bit of scruff. Beard, I'm out. Moustache, I'll cry. But it's the ungroomed, overgrown, patchy hair that simultaneously looks like the first hair you ever grew once you reached puberty & like it could have been discovered in an ancient tomb, that I just can't stand. I am trying so hard not to be mean, but it's not like you can't do anything about it.. right? I don't understand why this can't be trimmed. And yes, this is a personal preference, but I don't believe I've met any other women, or men in fact, that have thought this is a desirable look.
8. This is going to be a bit contradictory, but the negging. It's so obvious and not funny at all.

Okay, that's it for now.. this was borne out of frustration, and my goal is not to be mean. I do genuinely wish guys could heed this advice. I'm at my wits end with dating, mostly because I dated guys who took me for granted and I have raised a lot of standards since then.

Oh, and as a special mention, what in the absolute fuck is up with the banana bread craze? Every fucking dude is out here looking for a "banana bread baddie". Do you know how easy it is to make banana bread? Is this code for something?? What am I missing here?! Please tell me, it's driving me.. bananas.

Dinner from Canadian Thanksgiving earlier this week. We got turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes, sweet potatoes, gravy, peas, corn & carrots, cheesy broccolis, beets, cranberries, and zelí (sauerkraut prepared Czech style with ham and garlic that turned blue. Yes, we called my mom Heisenberg and we all laughed). EDIT: and stuffing! How could I forget the stuffing 🤦🏼‍♀️