Brain Dump š§
What does it feel like to "feel like a woman"?
Dinner is a pulled pork sandwich from my local BBQ joint. Wednesday is $5 burger or pulled pork sandwich night.
In another post, a trans person said something like "not feeling like a woman". I remember when I said that to my therapist when I was transitioning. So she asked me "what is that supposed to feel like?" I was stumped. I had no idea. This was the best question she ever asked me. Outside of that, she sucked as a therapist. But back then, there weren't many therapists who saw trans people. Anyway, I couldn't answer that question. The reality is that I can only feel like me. As much as I would have liked to be cis, that didn't happen. So I will never have the experience of growing up with a female body. I can only know how it feels to be me. And that's true for everyone. I'm just glad to have gotten a chance to transition. And I'm glad to be on the girl side of that.
Do you have a prerogative to have a little fun? Do you go totally crazy? Do you really go wild, doing it with style? Would you color your hair or do what you dare? And do you wanna be free to feel the way you feel?
If so, you may be at risk for feeling like a woman
Symptoms for feeling like a woman include being by harassed by men, monthly breast sensitivity, vagina discharge, receiving less pay, the ability to have a conversation with only glances, and the inexplicable need to eat several baskets of tortilla chips at a Mexican restaurant. Talk to your doctor if you feel like a woman.
Iām a 50 year old cis woman. Iāve been a makeup girlie, a short skirts and high heels girlie, a jeans and flannels girlie, and now Iām a no makeup, super short hair, donāt give a fuck middle aged woman, I guess.
I genuinely love how we can evolve through so many phases of our own femininity. Theyāre all ābeing a woman.ā And each variation has a lot for us to learn and enjoy.
If youāre a woman, youāre a woman. Cis or trans, it seems like the secret is not to let society dictate the one sacred and correct way of being a woman. (easier said than done, which goes without saying but I want to acknowledge that, too)
Femininity itself is a real and valid experience, but itās not a prescribed checklist.
I just listened to "Formation" to check and you're correct. I connected with our foremothers: Betty White, Gloria Steinem, and Dolly Parton immediately.
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This is beautifully put. That therapist's question really strips away all the societal expectations we try to measure ourselves against. At the end of the day, there is no universal 'feeling like a woman' manual there is just the peace of finally feeling like yourself in your own skin. I'm glad you're on the girl side of it too, enjoying your $5 Wednesday pulled pork!
My old roommate (straight cis guy) used to get blackout drunk and literally kick in the door of our other roommate (a gay cis man) while scream singing that song. I like to blame that as part of my reason for exiting the category of "man" lmao.
If only. Its hard when you work in a very conservative industry and you dont get encouragement like that. It feels like you arent allowed to enjoy those things.
I believe you and I wish it were different. I'm obviously being silly here, but also hopefully conveying that I'm accepting and it's up to each person to decide that. You can kick a door down with me any day.
Right now, āfeeling like a womanā feels like rage. Rage at the current administration, rage at the patriarchy and the Supreme Court and the FDA. Rage that theyāre trying to turn this country into Gilead.
Yes. Rage. I am consumed with rage that rapists, rape apologists, racists, and religious fanatics are allowed to be in charge. Rage that we can't at least have decent, sane, civil, level headed leadership instead of a bunch of man babies with too much money in charge of the entire government. How is this reality?Ā
constant state of anger. not just about the current administration. because the patriarchy has always abused women and has not only allowed but encouraged the situation weāre in.
as a woman i always feel angry, sometimes fearful, disgust with most men, but powerful and beautiful in my femininity. men wouldnāt survive without us, not just because we create life, but because they need us to participate in society to even live basic lives. they canāt take a womanās worth no matter what. they. canāt. survive. without. us.
Rage simmering over a deep well of sadness. Iām so sad for the millennia of women that have come before me, and the ones behind who can no longer trust that it will get better.
I think itās kind of nice how what you said basically just boils down to āI just am a woman and donāt feel dysphoria about thatā because like, thatās the goal pretty much.
Yeah. Before everything else. I'm just a me. Short, awkward, hordes snacks away from my husband and toddler then eat them in secret like a Opossum in the night
I think I'm actually just a Gerbil, though. I'm just here on the wheel of life, stopping for water and snacks. But otherwise just waiting and existing in the cage of the current world
The only time I really felt like my femininity was an important part of who I am is when I was literally giving birth. I felt likeā¦ okā¦ I feel connected to womanhood somehow I think. Other than that it really hasnāt been that important to me.Ā
Scary and at times unfair growing older and realizing how much misogyny and objectification exists towards women. Iām 31 and been down such a rabbit hole this past year comparing the differences in regards to family life with both men and women, and wow do women most often times get the short end of the stick. Even with supportive partners :/
Having to grow up with misogyny, stereotypes, disrimination and objectification makes me feel like a woman. It's just part of the entire package and life experience. Everything else is just advertising, societal pressure and cumbersome traditions.
A lot like a cat really. Slinky. Bossy. Deal with you when we want to, how we want to, why we want to, if we want to. Don't like it, the door that we all kicked down when Shania was qued up, we'll happily hasten your exit out of it š
Feeling like a woman is whatever you want it to be, and I feel like thatās feminism at its core. I feel like there has been a recent regression where people are upholding gender stereotypes ā like if you like wearing makeup and painting your nails you must be a woman, because only women should like that and thatās what real women are! And if you donāt like or relate to those things that you obviously canāt be a āwomanāā¦ Itās kind of just giving power to stereotypes? A lot of women love working on cars and hate wearing dresses and just exist doing whatever the fuck they want to do. A lot of men like doing stereotypically āfeminineā things and paint their nails and feel super emotionally sensitive, and thatās awesome too. Just live your life the way you want to, and ignore societyās stereotypesā they really donāt matter.
And conversely, if you don't do your hair or wear makeup or whatever, then you're maybe actually a man because you obviously don't feel like a "real" woman. First of all, fuck off (not you, the person who told me that)
To answer the OP question, the only time I've really "felt like a woman" is when I was pregnant and/or breastfeeding. There was a deep sense of being connected to my body, my babies, the concept of growth and nurturing and...idk... womanly things.
Mostly I just feel like me, who happens to be a woman, so that's what it feels like
Iāve always wondered what was meant by that as a cis women. As Iāve never felt the need to āfeelā like my gender or feminine in any way. I always chalked it up to society and gender roles being the sole reason that gender dysphoria exists in the first place. So Iād genuinely like to hear someoneās answer to this that āfeelsā like a certain gender.
I honestly donāt think there is an answer to it though, women and men feel the same. Just themselves. Nothing is inherently feminine or masculine, and I hate when people do try to put a label on it because it immediately puts you in a box. We are all human, do what makes you happy š
It also always confused me for the same reason. Especially when it comes to breaking down gender roles, pushing back against society's expectations of how a woman should look, and all the other stuff that modern day women actively fight against (for good reason). If being a woman isn't about societies expectations (presenting femininely, behaving ~like a woman~), the physical parts the female sex is born with and what comes with that (like periods and pregnancy), the physical dangers that come with growing up afab (sexualization starting in like middle school/feeling unsafe going out after dark, especially alone, etc), or anything else that we are told is womanly, what is left?
I always worry asking that will come off as terfy when I just legitimately do not understand what makes a woman if we remove all of those things from the equation. I try my best to be supportive but feel like I'm in over my head bc I couldn't even answer this question myself, and I feel like that lack of understanding can come off as invalidating trans people, when I am very much not trying to do that.
I am very much the same way. I used to worry about ānot feeling feminineā until I realized that all of those feelings I thought I should have were gender norms, which are artificial and oppressive.
I'm actually really glad someone asked so i can read all these answers ngl.
Like from my own perspective: its not my genitals, nor my chromosomes - trans women exist, so it can't be. I refuse to be defined by my victimhood, so it's not the sexualisation from a young age, nor the role i'm forced into by rape culture and the patriarchy. I dont "behave like a woman" because what is that? Cooking? Cleaning? Doing the emotional work? Playing with barbies rather than shooting my brother with a nerf gun? I love shooting my brother with a nerf gun! Even now!
I kinda came to the conclusion that i'm only a woman because other people experience me as a woman, if that makes sense. And that if they were to allow me to forget that "man" and "woman" were things, i would cease to be one. I would simply be me.
Interestingly, I do get it as a cis woman. Iāve always been someone who has a number of masculine-coded interests (before I had kids, social media algorithms would often conclude Iām a guy who love politics), but ultimately I just feel very embodied and comfortable in my female body, whether thatās stereotypical cis female experiences like giving birth, lifting heavy weights, or just walking around with a certain spring in my step. As a kid it also mattered a great deal to me that I was a girl. I just straight up canāt picture myself in a manās body and find the thought mildly revolting.
I donāt know! Itās always made sense to me that there are people who would feel gender dysphoria because on sunny days, I strut outside feeling so feminine and fine. I think many people donāt really feel their gender outside of their social environment, but truly I personally do.
I can try and answer. For me, at least, gender roles and all that had nothing to do with it and I still can't give you a solid answer for what it "feels like."
Dysphoria was more of a subconscious ick. Like my brain was fundamentally expecting one thing, but experiencing something else. It was this very uncomfortable "I don't belong here" type feeling, except stuck inside my skin.
After transitioning, I don't "feel" like a woman. I just feel comfortable in my own skin as a woman in a way I didn't before. If I hadn't had that experience, I wouldn't be able to understand it either.
And for trans people, feeling like ourselves and being seen as ourselves is only possible by removing our assigned gender from our identity. āThis makes me feel like not meā is how dysphoria functions. There are behavioral, presentational, and physical components that can feed the Not Myself machine, and taking the risks, doing the work of trying to shut that machine down is the most liberating, empowering thing Iāve experienced yet.
For me, the composition of my body was a huge part of my dysphoria. I knew that something was wrong at about age 6. I just didn't have the words for it until I learned about the human body. I'm still very butch. I wear jeans and t shirts all the time. I hate wearing makeup, jewelry, dresses, etc. I also still play punk guitar and bass at 62. All I really ever wanted was to be free of the dysphoria. I achieved that with transition.
I kinda agree. Less so now but in the past it seemed those who were most likely to transition, most likely to feel dysphoria were those that grew up in families where gender roles were tightly defined.Ā
Girls can only wear dresses/pretty things, have long hair, show emotion and be fragile.
Boys can only like trucks and dinosaurs, must have short hair and can't cry without it being called out.Ā
Nowadays, I see more girls identifying gender neutral/trans in what seems to be a response to the sexualization and misogyny they encounter. (Because really who wants to belong to the 50% of the population that is more likely to be underpaid, ignored and assaulted).
Honestly had it been an option at that age I would have take it.Ā
I am a cis-female but I wouldn't say I feel like a woman. I don't like make-up or fashion, I don't drink wine, worry about my 'figure', or want to discuss the merits of botox. I have never been a girly-girl.Ā
But I have lived a life of periods. I have given birth, breastfed my kids and grown them into almost adults. I am experiencing the symptoms of perimenopause and have had my ideas dismissed because of my gender.Ā
I have been groped on public transport, cat-called and been made to feel unsafe. I have been slut-shamed and been treated differently because I was the only woman in the room.
But I have also been able to be the primary caretaker of my kids without comment. I cry at the drop of a hat, also with little comment.Ā No one crosses the street or gets nervous if I am behind them in a secluded area. No one bats an eye if I help their hurt or lost child. If there is something heavy to be moved or lifted, I can ask for help without criticism. Other women have given me hugs in times of distress and vice versa without it being weird. On dating apps, I never had an empty inbox.
Those are the things that set me apart from my male counterparts. Are those things womenly?Ā
I often point that out to friends! I hate using pussy as an insult, but most people think I'm overreacting about it. I just don't get why we are okay with implicitly degrading vaginas every time we use that insult, especially if you have one. There are other ways to convey the message
I donāt know what it feels like to simply ābeā a woman, because no woman has been able to exist without prejudice or oppression shaping our fundamental experience in some way. So I donāt know. āFeelingā like a woman to me, feels like rage, fear, that the cards are against us.
For me, feeling like a woman means supporting women, cheering on women, and standing up for women. I am cis but I spent my teens not "feeling like a girl" because I was alt/makeup free and my family shamed me for it. I didn't have friends, but as a 30 year old? It just means being a safe space for all girls and women alike.
To clarify, people can give any number of examples like feeling sexy, feeling girly, feeling empowered, feeling disempowered. A lot of it is prescriptive femininity. Feeling like a woman is existing as a woman, same for men. We should be moving forward towards accepting any number of feelings or expressions as independent of gender
There's really no such thing. I'm comfortable with my ovaries, vagina and boobs. The rest is societal expectations that I dgaf about. I'm me, I talk like me, I say what I need to say how I need to say it, I wear pink and blue and black. I wear heels and I wear loafers, depending on what I feel like any given day. I'm the primary earner in my family. I don't cook nor clean.
The gender norms are fake, they don't make you a man or a woman.
Feeling like a woman involves a lot of all-consuming rage, it turns out. š
But, seriously, I donāt have a good answer! I know Iām happy that Iām a woman and not a man - despite the patriarchy and challenges we face - but I donāt think I can verbalize what being a woman means to me.
I donāt think youāre missing any special insight not having grown up in a female body. Glad to have you and all my other sisters!
I don't know. As a cis woman, the only things that I feel like "make me a woman" are the molecular biological differences and neuroendocrine differences that can genuinely affect my cognition (for example, the mood swings associated with my PMOS and PMDD, or the need for more sleep than my male friends).
I do feel some sociological differences to men, too. I feel very invested in social dynamics, understanding other people, enjoying a bit of tea/drama, and I find that the women in my life usually enjoy and notice these things more than the men do. But even then, it's not a hard-rule.
With the exception of these things, plus a preference for a few social constructs (I enjoy makeup and jewelry and most of my clothes are from the women's section) I have zero idea what people are talking about when they refer to gender. I feel that I have more interests and cognitive quirks in common with the men around me than the women (except for the high EQ/noticing social dynamics/liking gossip stuff), and as such have more male friends overall. (Not out of misogyny! I love women but like for example in many ways I am more like my dad and brother than my mom and sister.)
Me (trans woman) and my cis wife and our girlfriends talk about this a lot actually. None of us have any idea wtf āfeeling like a womanā means. Weāre just women.
In the words of Natalie Wynn: āThereās only two types of people that actually feel like women. One is Shania Twain, and the other is a a certain type of gay man.ā
My understanding is that gender is a social construct and as such, there's no one "feeling" one is going to have as they present as man, woman, or nonbinary.
Many women here have already said that they feel scared, or the effects of oppression, and other negative experiences.
When i think about womanhood as I express it, I think about how I feel like I should look a certain way and the ways I fall short. I wrestle with whether I should be comfortable or dress up. I am angry about painful periods and perimenopausal symptoms and the fact that I can't bear a child anymore even if I wanted one. I hated when men looked at me when I was younger, and I hate that I'm no longer the object of their desire. I hate that when speaking with a male colleague alone, he is respectful and attentive, but if there is more than one man, I disappear from the conversation.
I also like my fairly short and petite size, the way my butt curves upwards into the small of my back, and when I feel like the estrogen is really flowing and I am content and accepting of the world. I feel gratitude for the child I was able to bear, for the animal nature of my body.
I think that depends.
Sometimes when I do my hair & dress up nice I feel ālike a womanā
But also* when I sneak into the kitchen like a gremlin at night to eat cheese from the fridge, I also āfeel like a womanā
Feeling like a woman is when you get chills at the first 10 seconds of Rebel Girl in the car and you know you're about to be looking really silly in someone's rear view.
I donāt know what itās like to be trans but I also canāt say for sure what it FEELS like to be a woman.
But what I can say as someone recovering from child SA, Is that I spent the first 34 years of my life feeling like a child incapable of having relationships with other women because I felt that I would hurt them sexually based on my own trauma as a cis gender woman.
I didnāt know the meaning of nonconforming but i lived it, afraid that not doing so would bring me unwarranted attention. āAnd to be honest with you, I really just wanted to be āinā. So bad.
EMDR helped me integrate and now Iām here.
And I feel fucking free, like a fucking goddess claiming my space and sharing that space with women from all walks of life and it feels fucking great. I feel braver in my skin, putting the traumas behind me.
Iām exactly who I need to be for the girl that was hurting. And I love her and me for it.
And itās not to say my life is perfect. Iām broke and about to quit my job (thatās a whole other journey) but Iām fine.
Being kind of low grade scared pretty much all the time? I know thatās a very shitty answer but itās the only thing I can think of that might be specific to my gender.
This one.
Recently was in a new city with my husband and we needed to take a short walk somewhere after dark. I was immediately on high alert as we came up on two people on a more secluded part of the walkā¦ he wasnāt even phased.
My husband will think nothing of walking our dog after dark in relatively safe small village. I have done it close to dark once or twice, but Iām hyper vigilant even though my dog looks like he will mess up someoneās day if they get close to me. It was just wild to me to realize he never had the safety concern cross his mind.
Whoever I wake up feeling like. Thatās such a great question because I never thought about it.
I had a dear friend in HS in the 90s who was MTF. I never thought she was anything other than a woman. We would try on makeup together, sneak lip stick when our parents said no. And do each otherās hair in the bathroom.
She was my friend until we lost contact (moved away, graduated, etc). I never felt the need to define womanhood for her or myself. I just showed up ready to do our daily fashion shows and take pics and she did the same.
If youāre a woman, itās when you feel like you. If you arenāt a woman, then youāll never know. You can tell the difference and youāll help everyone when you start living authentically.
Feeling like a woman is when you buy a really good sandwich, and your first bite into it is perfect.
Feeling like a woman is when you have your cute little sunglasses on in the car, the windows are down, youāre blasting your music, your hair is flying, and you feel invincible.
Feeling like a woman is when youāre wearing a shirt thatās too tight and it digs annoyingly into your armpits.
Feeling like a woman is listening to Dolly Parton.
Feeling like a woman is when lipgloss catches your hair and causes it to stick to your face.
Feeling like a woman is eating a little too much at Olive Garden, so you unbutton your jeans under your bigass sweater and nobody knows.
Feeling like a woman is when you change your own tire.
I think thatās a very subjective question. What it means to feel like a woman to me might not align at all with what it means to another woman. For me, I like to do girly things like get my nails done and read sappy romance novels but I also like to go fishing and Iāve built a good career for myself but I also want to have kids. Sometimes my more girly hobbies make me feel soft and feminine and my not so girly hobbies make me feel like an independent bad b*tch. There is no singular way you should feel to feel like a woman. I think the individual answer lies within the confidence you have in your identity, who you are, what you stand for, what you accept, what you donāt accept. Confidence is incredibly important and itās a learned skill. And I donāt mean confidence in physical appearance necessarily but just in the core of who you are. Idk if that makes sense but thatās my ramble lol
Thatās difficult to answer because being a woman isnāt a feeling I have/get, itās just the reality of what I am, not who I am. So there isnāt a woman feeling for me, but there are times that I feel strong solidarity with women, or just a knowing when itās relevant.
Everything I feel is just me feeling like me, until Iām around people or am in a situation where the fact of being a woman becomes material or pertinent.
Being a women is like the sky. Same wonders but different everyday.
There are days I feel gloomy, for long stretches of time. Where I breakdown and become a thunderstorm. āļøĀ
Sometimes I feel warm, healing, joyful like a sunny day at the beach. š This weather can last only today, or continue for months.Ā
The sky holds many colors, many weather patterns, and so many wonders we may never know about. Some even say there are other worlds beyond the sky. That might be true, we feel connected to that truth bc how else are we able to sustain so much life in the world we cover? We can see the rainwater and sunshine feeding plants and animals in this world. We can see multiple ecosystems that rely on our very functioning. We are responsible for creating that life. Is that ability a gift from the other realms beyond the world we can see? Are we the life giver? Can we call ourselves the creator purely from the reality of our existence? Surely no life would exist without us. But somehow we are not allowed to make such a declaration.
Alas, we are called pretty, the moon admires us, the world lives to witness us, we hold it all together. The question is always, who holds us? š¤·š½āāļø
Let see, bloated and kinda tired. Gotta make sure everything is ready so everyone can be out the door in he morning but first dinner and everyone fed and clean and to bed. The is there any laundry that needs to be done? And I have another 3 hours of coursework for my current CEU. I need to coordinate everything try ones sports schedules and activities, walk the dog, clean up the dirt that got tracked in earlier, weed the garden, make sure everythingās done before I can sit down and eat a bite myself. Thatās a snapshot for the moment of a 42 year old woman and how I feel right now. A bit overworked and overwhelmed and like I have to wear all the hats and make sure everything goes smoothly in the household.
That is a really good question. Iām afab, but I have yet to really nail down how I feel about my gender, or lack thereof. Most of the time, I forget that I have one or that people expect a certain role from me because of the way I look.
But a few times I have felt like a āwomanā have been:
Loving my body unconditionally. Iām fairly curvy and while I used to feel bad about being āfatā, Iāve come to love my roundness. Watching River Song in Doctor Who helped with that a lot. Sheās feminine in a way that doesnāt mean shrinking herself, but also doesnāt mean leaning so hard into āgirl powerā that she ceases to have any nuance. And sheās curvy and has big hair and people find her hot because of those traits, not despite them.
Loving kids and feeling very protective of them. Like when one falls off their bike and cries and runs to me for a hug. On some level, many have found me not only safe, but comforting. One kid (that I am not remotely related to and only know from work) literally called me his other mom. š
But aside from those, I far more often feel like I donāt relate to most things that are considered defining characteristics or experiences of femininity. So idk.
I actually really like this question because the answers will show how diverse the female experience can be. What makes me personally feel like a woman is doing something strong or being capable, for example building something outside for my kids or beating my squat record. Giving birth makes me feel like a woman, not because of bioessentialism but because of the sheer effort and accomplishment of it. Iām also big into nutrition and love to cook, I always feel like a woman when Iām cooking something that tastes good and is good for my body. Also feel that way feeding my family good food.
This is such an interesting question to meā¦ I mostly just feel like myself. Nearly everything else is socialization.
My various bits and bobs are acceptable where they are, although I have a fair amount of general body dysmorphia that probably comes from existing in a patriarchy. My internal self falls within the range of any humanās experienceā¦
The only thing I feel is distinctly feminine is the mood swings, particularly post-partum, and I could do without those.
As a woman with PCOS/ PMOS, I donāt know either š¤·š»āāļø. All this facial hair while Iām balding, high testosterone and weight gain makes me not feel feminine at all. I havenāt felt like a woman in years :(
one of the hilarious truths about being a woman is no matter how cis you might have been born, your performance of girlhood and then womanhood is always under inspection and always liable to judgement.
so if you are a trans woman and you feel like you might not be woman-ing properly, congratulations! you have hit the essence of it.
if you are a woman, you laugh too loud, you're too pushy, your body shape is wrong, your clothes aren't stylish, your face, hair, and nails aren't right, you're too focused on your children or you don't have enough children and you're not deferential enough.
yay!
someone somewhere is always going to be there to tell you that you are not woman enough to claim the title. if you have arrived at this point later in life than most of us, not only are you having the quintessential woman experience, but YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE.
I think the meaning of what it feels like to be a women is provided by the individual woman. Many woman may say mothering, however as a child free woman that is not what defines and feels like being a woman for me. It is also very different what being a woman felt like at 20 for me as opposed to now at 40. Like all those bigger questions there are no universal answers. You give it a meaning that works for you and roll with it.
Idk I was just at Marshallās and a guy kept following me down every row in the kitchen section and would stand at the end of the row waiting if there was someone else in the row with me, so probably that
I am also trans. When I was a little kid and pre-transition I did a school report on the local native peoples in my area. They had their own gendered clothing for men and women that looked nothing like modern clothing, and the men mostly hunted, crafted, and foraged while the women ground acorns. Then I learned that they had no problem with trans people and anyone could just do the opposite gender role of their birth sex if they wanted, and I DEEEEEPLY NEEEEEDED to have been born a native person so I could have worn their version of girly clothes and ground acorns all day and I would have been soooo happy. Even though their clothes and acorns didnāt mean anything to me my body and mind automatically knew that that would have been right for me and my current way of living was wrong.
So my guess is, that humans are a naturally dimorphic specie. So we naturally create two primary social roles. One āmasculineā and one āfeminineā. These roles are largely arbitrary, in my example neither sex is inherently better at grinding acorns, but there is also bias towards women caring for children given that they carry, birth, and nurse them. Most humans know whether they are masculine or feminine and for most humans it aligns with their birth sex. The content of gender is arbitrary but gender is very real.
For more examples imagine you are visiting a foreign cultural most people try on the gendered version of the local clothes that matches their gender even when the local culture doesnāt mean anything to you. āFeeling like a womanā to me is just knowing that I would be feminine in whatever context I was placed in.
I mean look at me now. I was born into a country that where some people are trying to make it legal to kill me and people like me for being feminine and I am still feminine. I think that I definitely know what itās like to āfeel like a womanā, and I think that most people reading this know too. āŗļø
Idk if it makes sense, but I feel the most like a woman when I feel overwhelming love/pride for women. Itās like, I realize just how amazing they are, and then I am like: wait I AM one too. The last time I felt this way was when I saw a Gazan trans woman on social media who ended up becoming a scientist here in Canada. She was so cool that I thought āugh I love women!!!" And then I was like "I am so happy I am one".
I just know what it feels like to feel like me. Of course, there is the way society says we're supposed to feel, but I think thats a bunch of mostly misogynistic BS. All women feel different. All men feel different. Because we all are different. You can't put people in a box based on sex or gender.
Cis lesbian here. First and foremost Iād say we all have our own experiences with this gender thing.
When I imagine what mightāve been different for me than for you was being openly sexually harassed by the age of 12, and have it be ongoing until I finally aged out of that (39F). And have no one give a fuck or stopped it or empowered me to stop it (aka boys will be boys or just ignore it ā yeah right).
Luckily Iāve always been a tomboy and Iād literally physically fight boys, and Iāve gotten in some close calls with men, but that still didnāt stop them ā it just made me feel like less of a victim in the moment.
Even as an out lesbian in my early 20s, the harassment shifted from physical to verbal. Being asked all sorts of weird questions about lesbian sex, and if Iāve had the right dick or if Iām gay bc of a lack thereofā¦
Having my experiences denied or minimized by othersā¦ family members, evenā¦
Thatās what being a woman has felt like to me.
Hoping this isnāt relatable for a lot of cis women (but Iād imagine it is).
Growing up, we were socialized to defer to men, and to be non- threatening. The world felt dangerous because men would act out, in creepy ways, when no one was around.
What I always envied, in men, was their entitlement- to more opportunities, to higher wages, to free time, to not having to do any of the shit work around the houseā¦. the world felt very unfair to me, as a little girl who liked sports and building stuff and hated dolls and makeup.
I feel such an intense allegiance to women, and solidarity with women, as a group. It transcends race, class, religion, national origin, sexuality. I donāt know if I could pinpoint how I know Iām a woman individually but I absolutely know which team Iām on and I will go down fighting for women any day of the week.
I mean as a trans woman Iāve always taken āfeeling like a womanā as the various physical and emotional aspects of being on female endocrinology. of course, that doesnāt take into account more social interactions, but thatās the most basal form
I think perhaps for me, the most woman I feel is when I read about other women in history and all the shit they had to go through, and I can immediately relate to their experiences on some level, and I yearn for their company and champion them in my heart.
today i got a tattoo at a female owned shop where all the artists and the customers in the shop at the time were women.
the way we talked and giggled and joked and felt so safe in each otherās companyā¦idk. that feels like womanhood to me. being a girlās girl. knowing even if i HATE another woman, i would ALWAYS step in if they were in danger.
i can tell you this much, besides misogyny, i truly donāt think thereās any one thing that women universally experience. it varies based on so many things. age, culture, religion, beliefs, location. and i think thatās beautiful.
iām cis, but none of the things my body does really make me feel like a woman. not having a period, not having a child (im childfree, this body will NOT carry a pregnancy), not having breasts. feminine? maybe. but not like a WOMAN.
i think itās cool that so many people have so many different answers to this (except the āHURR HURR YOUR CHROMOSOMES BLAH BLAH PENIS OR VAGINAā folks!)
I'm a cis woman and I honestly couldn't tell you. There's no universal experience that happens to all women and no men. A lot of the things that women are "supposed" to feel or experience are alien to me. I have only ever felt maternal towards (a) kittens and (b) one of my gaming friends who is young enough to be my adult kid.
Then again maybe that means I'm not 100% cis? I'd rather people saw me as a human than as a [sparkles] woman [/sparkles].
I donāt feel like a woman but I also donāt feel like a man. So I havenāt transitioned and just living with my assigned gender (I donāt mind my own gender, I just donāt care about it). Later in life I found out this is not how most people are, and that Iām cassgender lol
Yeah but then I look at men and the way they think and behave, and I realize, wow holy shit, I am CERTAINLY NOT THAT. So then I feel like a woman and I'm sooo proud and happy to be one.
please remember personality ā gender. you can be a woman and not like any typically female thing ever. being a woman just means being a female. some of us were simply born with a cooch and thatās it
it doesnāt feel like anything. i was born a woman and im just a person who has female attributes. femininity doesnāt feel like something, it just feels like being a person
āThe reality is that I can only feel like me.ā I disagree, you can also feel the inverse.
I agree with most commenters here that for me āfeeling like a womanā isnāt really a thing, I just am one. But at the same time presenting as a man and being male very much donāt feel like me, so to me at least āfeeling like a womanā is really just the relief of no longer āfeeling like a manā.
I had a dream recently that I found a little baby out in the elements, I carried it through the brush and thorns, put it against my bare chest under my jacket, it wasnt making any movement or sound. Brought it home and dream husband was not being helpful (why are men always cheating or useless in our dreams). All of a sudden I come back in the room and lets just say the baby was gone. My dream got really scary for some reason. And I went ballistic.
I loved the baby and wanted it to thrive. I really miss it now that Im awake :(
I havent felt more womanly than that in a while. The rage and sorrow felt really real, I had to sit up in bed and remember what my real life is.
I have an adult child, and a few months ago I dreamed that my child had died and I was living with the grief. It took me a while after waking to fully convince myself it was a dream, and days to shake off the grief. So I see you, girl.
I dont have any actual children yet. My dream felt pretty real, but when I called 911 they didnt answer me and literally hung up on me. And thats when I was like okay this doesnt seem real.
I cant imagine like my actual baby dying in a dream. I bet parents have dreams like that oftenā¦ I probably will when I have kids š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļø
Those kinds of nightmares are thankfully rare, but they do happen. Shaking off the trauma, fear, grief, anger, etc is always rough. I'm surprised that 911 hung up on you though. They aren't supposed to do that.
I often have a hard time differentiating between dream and reality when I wake up (especially if I wake to an alarm or before I'm ready). Looking at my phone for a minute or two usually helps me sort my brain out.
Exactly, thats why my dream self was like waitā¦ none of this is real. 911 would never ghost me like that.
Yes I had to put my hand on my husband, make sure he was laying next to me. Checked my phone and it was 4 am. My alarm didnt go off for another few hours. It was scary trying to go back to sleep so I wasnt groggy for work.
Oh I thought 911 hung up on you AFTER you woke up! So much better to know that they (and your husband) weren't unreliable in real life!
BTW you may be tempted to read too much into this awful dream, but don't. Dreams are basically neurological nonsense that help us encode memories from thoughts of the day before to make them easier to recollect (which is why going to sleep drunk fucks won't your memory of your night out, and also why students are told to get a good night's sleep before an exam). If you didn't need therapy or marriage counseling before, you don't now.
Thank you for saying that honestly because the actual imagery of my dream when I walked back into the room was really frightening and its been driving me nuts all day. I dont know what the fuck my brain could possibly be encoding with that image š
I only started feeling like a woman when I started to be treated like one. Until then, all I knew was that I hated being a man and desperately wanted to be a woman. That was enough. Now I'm here and happier than I've ever been.
I am a woman but there is no right way to answer that. I have always been a woman. I don't know anything else. It's just me.
But if you were to ask what defines a woman, then I'd say she holds the very essence of life inside her. She's the bearer and the warrior. Without a woman, the universe wouldn't exist.
I think it's important to remember that a lot of our conceptions of gender, especially with regards to femininity, are based in white supremacy. Gender is very much racialized, as black people are often very masculinized. So in some sense, the idea of woman that we're all sort of given top down is this idea of a person that is the object of protection that needs the structures of white supremacy to keep her "safe."
This is why it's so important for me to not feel as if there some sort of external mold that I need to fit into. That is not to say that dysphoria isn't real and that being trans is purely about "vibes." I take feminizing hormones because they shape my body and face and feelings in ways that I find desirable, and that align more with my conception of myself in a way that brings me peace and comfort and happiness. At the same time, there is no standard that I need to live up to, that standard is fake as fuck.
I view gender expression itself and external expressions of identity kind of in terms of constellations, in the sense that a constellation is not just the amalgam that makes the picture, but also every single star that makes up the constellation. We all have our own conceptions of womanhood and how we express that, and this goes for all gender and identity, and each one helps to make up the gestalt, but is also its own separate existence.
You're so right ā¤ļø I'm glad that you have arrived at this place in your life and I'm also sorry that your therapist sucked (despite the good question). Keep growing, queen.
Have you ever been really heartbrokenā¦ not necessarily from a romance but just from anything, and one day gone like āF itā and found yourself surrounded by your other girl friends who are all, consequently, going through their own āF itā moments? And then you go out on the town and a bunch of men give you so much attention? Butā¦ youāre all like in your āF itā moments so you donāt really care and that makes them like all of u even more. Then you go home and giggle so hard you all feel like youāre gonna pee your pants and you stay up literally all night doing this and laughing and singing and dancing around the room and also maybe crying? Okay so this is my long way of saying it feels like the joy of being surrounded by other women in friendship, compassion, the strength of letting yourself feel your feelings, the confidence that comes from showing up authentically yourself and noticing the affect this has on the world around you.
A feminist i read a work from once mentioned something about we as woman are mostly being gendered. Everything we think of when speaking about womanhood is mostly coming from external forces (how caring or facilitating we are) and being sexualized from a young age; denied chances, having to be feminine, catering to the male gaze, etc. A lot of our actual female qualities are often not characterized stereotypically and so many women donāt feel comfortable being labeled woman because they associate it with being labeled a woman by oppressing forces in a negative sense. She said it better than me but i thought it was interesting!
Currently itās feeling back and abdominal cramps that arenāt adequately controlled by 800 mg ibuprofen, bleeding heavily, having full body aches, and extreme fatigue due to my period. About a week prior to this it was fatigue, dizziness, lower back pain, breast pain, irritability, and tearfulness.Ā
Other than that I donāt āfeelā distinguishable by my gender in any way, because all the things I thought were āfeeling like a woman,ā turned out to be oppressive gender norms that I felt like I needed to perform or experience to be a woman. All programming/pressure, not internal experience.Ā
I guess itās just when living as a woman in the body of a woman feels normal. That comfort is me feeling like a woman. Likewise when I was extremely uncomfortable as a man, that discomfort was me feeling like a woman.
A few years into my transition now, I find my feelings have settled into āMostly normal, with occasional hits of euphoriaā. I compare that to how awful I felt for so long, and figure this is just what being a woman feels like. I like how normal it feels.
Glad to have you sis! I'm AFAB, cis woman and I wouldn't know how to answer that either. I only know the path I've walked / am walking and sometimes it has felt more right than others. And it probably feels differently to me than it would to other women. Personally I would unsubscribe from gender all together if I could, but that's me.
That sammich looks delish, especially at $5 in this economy!
Exactly. Thereās no real answer to that for me. Iām female because I was born that way and I donāt know any other way to be and I donāt feel strongly enough that Iād be happier or improved by becoming something else, so here I am.
For me, it's the desire to be a little tree frog and a love for horror movies that center women as more than victims. It's also anxiety about things like walking alone at night, the innate desire to buy every dress with pockets I come across, and this deep, irrational rage every time I'm given unsolicited advice on how I need to change so men will find me attractive. It's a need to hype up other women and level of empathy and protectiveness for other women because there are a ton of things we experience that get minimized or not believed at all. And for me personally, it's this intense feeling of self-confidence that I get when I'm told I look scary or intimidating to men. Lol
Since I didn't have to struggle to be myself it doesn't feel like anything in particular, just like breathing doesn't feel like much until you can't do it right.
If you're a woman, you are being a woman and whatever you're feeling is woman enough.Ā
If it happens to involve a lot of rage and some bloating, you're in the right seating section over here.Ā Maternal Glow is section F and we put the women who barf a lot when pregnant in the balcony section above the women who feel like banning diversity books is a good idea on the ground level.
im in the balcony section rn. I think there is a lot of body horror that happens along the way tbh like what do you mean im growing a voicebox inside my uterus for something the size of a shallot rn? And i just go about life same old same old? Its bizzare
ETA obvi dont define womanhood by that experience but its my womanhood experience rn.
As others have mentioned, lots of rage is involved. I literally de-stress by imagining burning it all to the ground
But like, advice for a trans woman looking for internal feedback that she's doing it right? Girl, ain't none of us doing it right. We're just out here doing and hoping it works out before we merk those fuckers in their sleep.
You already know you're a woman. It's not something you have to perform.
Also, for all the times you've been told (or imagined being told) that you aren't feminine enough, trust that those of us with vaginas have heard it a lot more often. We are bombarded with "be ladylike" messages (many of which conflict) since birth. Toddlers in bikinis, yall. All of us, cis and trans, are drip-fed messaging that we aren't enough. We are never pretty enough, young enough, quiet enough, nurturing enough, modest enough, sexy enough, glamorous enough, funny enough, smart enough, oh now we are too smart, tough enough, delicate enough, tall enough, short enough, hungry enough, thin enough, booby enough, etc. So yeah, if you feel judged, confused, and enraged, that's how it feels to be a woman.
I'm not the most feminine woman, and as a teen/young adult I definitely felt like I had to play a role for some reason. Then I became a mom and had a dose of self reflection, now I lean more gender neutral on clothing, and androgynous styles. But I'm a natural nurturer. To me when I felt the most feminine is when I help my daughter grow or feel confidence in herself.
I don't think there's a right an wrong way to be female. We are just people enjoying consciousness, too bad so many waste their chance just hating people unlike themselves.
Never really being able to relax in public, unless you're in a large group or have a man with you. Even when I try to relax, in the back of my mind I'm keeping an eye out for predatory behaviour directed at me or other women (so I can help them if needed).
Being easily accepted in casual social situations. I saw a man coughing from hayfever the other day, so I offered him an antihistamine from a packet I'd just purchased for myself a few minutes earlier. Him and his girlfriend were really thankful for the help. However, if I were a man, I expect offering pills to strangers might have resulted in some awkwardness at first...
I sort of smell like flowers all the time, even when I'm not wearing perfume or other makeup products. When I'm alone, I can just sit in the sun, drink tea, and relax for a brief peaceful moment.
Having to constantly set boundaries.Ā
Being upset at being viewed as an incubator or sex object, but never really being seen as a human by straight men. My value feels very tied to my physical appearance, but caring about your physical appearance too much is also considered a red flag, so you're always walking a fine line of being "pretty" without trying to be "pretty" if that makes sense? It feels like you can never quite win.
Fear of childbirth and it's impacts on my health, while also being empowered by being able to create life.Ā
Rage at the injustice of the criminal justice system and how violence against women is handeled within it.Ā
As a woman, I just want to be safe and finally have a moment where I can sincerely relax. I want to wear what I like without fear of harassment or violence. I want to go on a hike alone, maybe take a nap in a seculded field without fearing for my safety. I want to travel the world alone or go on night nature walks with a flash light without fear. I want to bake without people making comments about how I'd be a good wife or mother. They mean it as a compliment, but it feels weirdly controlling and is sometimes said in a way that puts down other women in the room. Why can't I just have a hobby without it being related to roles I "should" play in society? Why do other women need to have this hobby too?Ā Ā
I want to be heard when I speak, but instead I'm told to follow the rules for my own good.Ā
I want other women to be able to do the same, without shame or fear.Ā
So that's how it feels to be a woman, for me at least. There are great parts, and there are really upsetting parts.
āTo be a young woman is to face your own annihilation in innumerable ways or to flee it or the knowledge of it, or all these things at once.ā
Rebecca Solnit
It doesn't feel like anything. I'm a woman because I'm female and feel neutral about my sex, I just feel like a person. There is no one feeling all women have, just like men we are all individuals. All transitioning needs to do is make you feel more comfortable in your body and more like yourself.
The only time Iāve ever really āfelt like a womanā was when I was pregnant. The rest of the time, I donāt think about it. I justā¦am a woman. Thereās nothing to think about.
As a trans woman myself, I so very much hear you. "Feeling like a woman" "feeling like a man" nah I'm just feeling like there's rain pounding on the roof drowning out my thoughts, and my brain gets TV static every time I notice I have stubble.
as far as things go for me, when it comes to my transness,
i am simply disgusted by the sex characteristics and developments forced upon me by the circumstances of my competition, in-utero development, and the natal puberty i was forced to go through.
i am dysphoric.
these things cause me a deep anguish and discomfort.
i just want to feel comfortable in my skin. in a body that feels right for me. i want to engage in self-actualization and to live as my own authentic self.
socially and culturally i like many traditionally "feminine" things, sure, but i also like many traditionally "masculine" things. such conceptions are varied and shifting, across different times and different cultures. they're spooks. fabrications that ppl allow to rule over them. pink used to be considered a boyish or masculine color (then-considered a juvenile form of the supposedly "masculine" red), while blue was considered feminine (then-considered docile and collected, calm [really makes you think about how they viewed femininity and women lawl]); this has shifted and reversed in the decades since, in many cultures. it used to be common in the US for young boys to wear dresses and the-like as toddlers, while not so much anymore. etc. it all depends and is ultimately prone to change, as all worldy phenomena is and does.
i'm not a fan of bioessentialism, i just think dresses are pretty andāthey help me manage my dysphoria, not bc "women wear dresses" nor bc "dress = woman," as men can wear dresses and be men, but rather via the accentuation of certain characteristics and the dampening of others; the flattery of my silhouette in them; they help to mask masculinizing secondary sexual characteristics thrust upon me by forced natal puberty, which helps a lot alongside HRT which helps to rid my body of said masculinized characteristics while also giving me female-typical secondary sexual characteristics such as female-typical fat redistribution, breasts, gene expression (yes, cross-sex hormone therapy impacts gene expression alongside other genetic/epigenetic changes), and so forth. they also help with not being misgendered due to both the prior mentioned biological factors AND cultural factors.
i'm mostly stealth in my day-to-day life now, and i feel so much more at home in the world and in my skin.
being a woman doesn't feel like much of anything,
but living as a woman can feel scary, upsetting, joyful, and so forth, due to all sorts of factors (such as violence, community, and misogyny)
but, even more so, living as i did before i was able to finally transition felt like hell.
as far as what causes dysphoria, that is another question, andāstudies show that it is likely both genetic and hormonal.
Yeah I donāt think āfeeling like a womanā means anything on its own, but for me itās the sum total of everything Iāve experienced being a woman, from periods to misogyny to men lying to me.
As someone who is considered a woman. (I think im still figuring out what it means.) But I dont think its one singular feeling I think its finding what it means to you personally. āBeing your own womanā I feel like its actualizing the type of woman you wanna see in the world šš«
To me, feeling like a woman is when I see women and feel like I belong with that group. That sense of community, with that specific half of the population, feels right to me. That, and also the fact that looking and sounding feminine makes me far more comfortable than looking and sounding like a man ever did
Before I came out to myself, I had looked at it as "I don't think I feel like a woman, but I most certainly do not feel like a man, and I don't feel nonbinary either".
I'm going to have to sit with this one, because sometimes I feel like a woman and sometimes I don't, and I have no idea how to articulate the difference between the two.
I'm a cis woman and I actually always wonder if trans women are the only women that can answer the question of "what does it feel like to be a woman" because you have the ability to truly understand the difference between men and women, or as much as that question can really be answered. Sometimes I learn the most about myself listening to what trans women say they have noticed is different about their lives now vs. before transitioning.Ā
It doesn't feel like anything. I only know I'm a woman because I've listened to enough trans people describe dysphoria and thought to myself "well I don't feel that"
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u/look2thecookie Yappy Yenta 8h ago
When Shania Twain says, "let's go girls" you feel like kicking down a door.