It happens every time. I have some scenario I'm concerned about or upset over and need advice with. But I'm like constitutionally incapable of being succinct. It feels like this a disability that should be accommodated. I'm only half joking. I don't know how to communicate like "normal". And ironically enough, my post that I have hit the word limit on, and have not stripped and shredded bare of important detail, was about my struggle to communicate and understand others.

So I'm feeling sad and weepy because I had an argument with my husband over what appeared to me to be clear lies, that he has to go to great lengths to make sense of. And I go after the lies and statements like we are in a court of law. "You very clearly said, "Such and such" here in chat. But now you claim you actually said, "Stuff and Nonsense"? And right here you said, "Gobshite" but now you claim it was all "Codswallop". How do you explain yourself? You are a knave and liar and you are not even a good liar! Your lies number the stars. If you would only tell the truth from the beginning you would not have to bury yourself in a pack of ever confusing lies and struggle to make your case sound!"

And he's all, "I'm tired of being called a liar when I am but a poor confused man who can not be expected to remember every little detail of the nonsense I say. You are very unfair! Your brain works too fast for me and I can't keep up. I don't know if it was ever "Codswallop" or "Gobshite" or "Stuff and Nonsense" at all! I actually perceived you wanted me to say "Such and Such" but here is my nonsensical explanation that should explain all to you."

And I'm all, "This is all too much. I should have been a hermitess. I can't be expected to communicate and dwell in a land where words have no meaning!"

And so I feel all angry and my husband reverts to relentless apologies. But I don't believe any of it. It's not possible to have not realized the difference between "Gobshite" and "Codswallop". And what kind of person could be offended at being called a liar when they lied? My trust is broken and my sense of being a freak has worsened. I suppose I should have said nothing at the obvious lies and just offered tea as a peace offering. Instead I always relentlessly pursue my case because the evidence is right there. How can he look at his own words and not see what he said? How can I communicate with people when they don't mean what they've said? How does the alternative explanation make sense in his own head?

I keep coming to the conclusion in life that I should stop talking. But I feel powerless to do so.

The whole can’t focus my eyes and especially no eye contact, super sensitive to anything sensory, and oh so much more.

Mine are so severe that…I have a surgery consult in a couple weeks for a nerve stimulator to hopefully be implanted. I’ll be crushed if insurance won’t cover it.

My migraines are considered refractory, meaning basically treatments don’t work and they don’t go away. This particular one is going on two weeks now and two weeks of not working (though the second week was fall break from school)

Guys, I don’t think I’m ready to go back next week. My migraines are still too bad. Relatively better, but definitely still bad.

My super autism is set in. With that, I guess super ADHD like why am I wasting the vyvanse on this.

Idk. Just kinda needed to see if anyone can relate in any way. Migraines suck.

’m a 31 year old and I’ve had a mutual on TikTok for like a year that I’ve never spoken to. We just started randomly messaging about a TikTok thing a couple of days ago and she asked for my Snapchat so we could send longer voice memos than the one minute limit on the app. We've been really vibing and she's nice to talk to, I don’t have a lot of friends, but I just found out today that she is 21 years old. It didn't register to me that she’s a decade younger than me, and maybe part of it is because I’m autistic and I know I feel mentally younger than I am physically. I feel like I have never felt my age and like I'm always behind in life, so I don't feel 31 and struggle to fit in with other people my age. But also because of the autism, I can't tell if it's weird or not to become closer friends with this girl or not since she’s s lot younger than me. Thoughts? I kinda need help with this one.

Hello!

I'm pretty sure I'm neurodivergent, but I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet because getting assessed is complicated.

So far, ADHD has seemed like the most likely explanation for my difficulties. Some of them also resemble autistic traits, but I've always dismissed the possibility of autism because I rarely relate to the autistic profiles I've encountered online or in real life.

Despite my difficulties, I'm relatively well integrated into society. I graduated with a master's degree last year, and I expect to be able to work a regular job. Although I struggled at times during my studies, my difficulties never prevented me from completing them. I can also generally blend in socially, at least on the surface.

I do struggle socially, but I don't relate much to the idea of severe, debilitating exhaustion after social interactions. I need time alone to recharge, but it doesn't significantly affect my ability to function.

Most autistic people I've met seem to have much higher support needs than I do. Some also face family or financial difficulties, so their day-to-day lives are quite different from mine.

These are the main reasons why I haven't considered autism very likely, although I know I don't have enough knowledge to rule it out completely.

Before dismissing the possibility, I'd like to hear from autistic people, ideally those with a formal diagnosis, who might relate to my experience.

Do people with a profile like mine exist? I've heard about them, but they seem quite underrepresented online.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences, especially if you've managed to study, work, and navigate social situations relatively well despite your difficulties.

I'm trying to understand whether autism could fit my experience after all, or whether I should focus on other possible explanations.

Thanks in advance!

(I'm not OP, I'm posting for a friend who doesn't have a Reddit account)

I’m a lesbian and was previously in a homophobic country so I just started dating when I moved abroad. It’s so rare for me to like someone and fall in love. I joined a dating app and someone asked me out, she was obsessed over me and I loved the attention. She actually loved me first and would call me and want to see me all the time. I also fell in love with her fast and assumed she was only talking to me considering she would text me all day and sent me nudes after a second date etc. It turned out she was hooking up with others so I was honest and told her I deleted the dating app after meeting her and asked if she liked me. That made her lose interest but despite that she wanted to have sex with me and then said she wanted to be friends. She was the first person I kissed so it was a big deal to me but not to her.

She is diagnosed with bipolar so I figured this pattern and shift in behavior is common. That happened almost 3 years ago, I was so hurt and told her so. She gaslit me and only offered a friend’s with benefits when I clearly had feelings for her. Apart of me wishes I agreed because I’m not the type who will like anyone and she’s someone I feel emotionally safe with and is my type physically.

She obviously doesn’t care and moved on but I just couldn’t stop thinking about her ever since. I went on a few other dates, including a recent one but don’t like how these people aren’t obsessed over me and I know it’s not healthy. I will be going to therapy because I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. But I am also wondering if this has something to do with me being autistic? (I got diagnosed as an adult)

My dad they want me to be disciplined but Catholic Church is super strict and their academic are harder than public school yet I don’t know how I even move into next grade because I would get incomplete on geometry. I’m bad at math and until this day I can’t pass algebra and I took it three times . I transferred out of private school to public because it wasn’t for me . Anyone experienced this kind of schooling ?

Ok, my flair is dramatic. I'm totally fine, but I can't be the only one here who's paranoid about being extra super careful with healing tattoos. Or maybe I am.

I just got the whole back of my thigh done and down through the knee ditch, and this is the first tattoo I've ever not been able to avoid sitting on, and I'm uncomfortable. And just here to whine about it.

Ok and to know how y'all manage the discomfort and really the undying awareness of your body while you're healing a tattoo, especially when/if it takes you out of your regular routine.

i know for me, i had some really terrible experiences with both the dentist and the orthodontics.

edit: i guess i would like to add my experience. for me i didn't like the feeling of piggy gloved fingers prying open my mouth. they said my mouth was too small, so they extracted teeth so that the teeth would fit.

i liked my weird teeth. i used to try to scare my friends with them, they looked like vampire's. i liked looking at vampires because then i thought maybe my teeth were a good sign.

After the braces, which really hurt and it look so long, years, to get them off, my teeth were then called "beautiful". I didn't get to scare my friends anymore. And now even when people tell me I have beautiful teeth, I wonder if all of our experiences have been similar.

For those who did have a good experience, I am so glad! I think there are many people within the fields who are gifted, and do their best for kids. I think in many ways my dentist and ortho were also doing their best - it just was really a lot.

between the meaningless small talk, always having to determine ppls true intentions, and tip-toeing around insecurities to maintain any sort of social currency... its no wonder i feel most alone in crowded rooms.

Squashed ladybirds.

Yup.

Lots of ladybirds are making their way into our home as Winter approaches. Whilst I do my best to avoid them, inevitably a few get squashed. When they get squished they let off a really strong smell. Sort of planty earthy. I think it's also the smell of the yellow stuff they secrete when threatened? Can anyone else smell this?!

Anyway, what's your scent for today. Sensible and serious answers accepted 😆

Edited to say it auto corrected "Silly" to sensible 😑 basically anything goes!!

This feels like such a ridiculous thing to be writing in my mid 30s but I feel that some people might be able to relate maybe?

For context, I'm not diagnosed but fairly sure I am autistic. I want to go through the diagnosis process but right now getting access to ANY MH stuff is so much energy and I'm tired.

Anyway, the clothes. I have never really had a clothing identity like some people have. There have been times when I've dressed alternative, and times I've dressed a bit more typical of fashion trends to try and fit in, and eventually when I hit my 30s and I stopped being able to tolerate uncomfortable clothing and also attention, I settled on plain loose t-shirts and joggers/outdoor trousers.

The thing is, this doesn't feel like "me" and I finally just want to wear clothes I actually like and be comfy, but some of the brands I like the look of are so expensive new, and I can't justify the cost as someone who doesn't really like clothes and also who doesn't work right now (because of mental health. No partner or anything, so I really don't have a lot of spare cash).

So I went on a bit of a Vinted binge. I did that last year and actually didn't like most of the stuff I got and after not doing anything with it all for 6 months, it all went to charity.

This time I was more honest with myself about the patterns and colours I like and it has been a huge success! One or two things don't fit very well but everything else, I'm delighted with, and most of it is from those brands I can't afford. And it's comfortable! That's the biggest thing for me. For the first time in my life, I have some clothes that are both cute AND comfy!

I know this probably all sounds silly but I'm really happy. Like yes, I now need to do a big clothing sort out which is a pain but I finally have clothes that feel like "me"!

I’m preparing to attend a day program for people with disabilities. Even though it’s a good way to find a part time job, and to get to appointments and just have support in the community…I feel ashamed that I need a day program. I’m scared to tell my NT friends because I’m worried that they won’t think I’m cool anymore, or that they will be embarrassed to be friends with me.

I really want to attend this program. My Mom and Stepdad work very demanding jobs, and I want to take some pressure off of them. I struggle enough socially, and it doesn’t help that letting people know that I’m autistic is “ableist” according to someone else I know.

I need accommodations. I know that I’m not like everyone else. I am disabled. I’m just tired of lying about my disability and that I do need support to function. I just want to be myself.

Repost seeking advice. And I know this is controversial. I feel absolutely horrible. But I hope people here will maybe understand my emotions more

My senior dog (9yo female, medium) was suddenly attacked by my large male 6yo and I don't know why. They've lived together for 6 years, never had an aggression issue besides the male nipping and growling over food. But nothing like this. Both dogs seem to be acting normal and healthy. We have a new kitten but they've also always been around cats and never had an issue. I don't know what happened, or why. Last night he was sort of growling at her in their room. I thought it was weird but maybe they were just competing over the blanket so I put down another for them. Everything is fine the next morning. Then I come home from work and my dog has a hole in her face and drooling blood. There was no food out, nothing I can think that would cause this

I feel so guilty. I feel like the worst dog owner. Because how didn't I see this? How didn't I realize? To make it worse this unexpected injury completely drained what I had set aside for my vet funds. I think I'm going to need to get pet insurance but I don't know where to look. The question i don't want to think about but I think is ultimately the most important one is if I need to rehome him. I don't have the option of not working. I don't want to leave him outside all day and I don't really think I'm going to have the time or experience or energy or money to train him out of aggressive behavior especially something so unpredictable. I'm worried if he does this to one of my cats it's going to be a dead animal as he displays food aggression to them too. And even if he attacked another pet in front of me he's almost the same weight as me and strong as hell. I couldn't do anything to stop him. I don't know. I feel so hurt and upset and conflicted. I don't know where to go from here

I just don't think I can trust this dog now. I already had a bad experience of a roommate who had aggressive dogs that would corner me and my boyfriend. I don't want to live in constant stress. This dog has torn down gates, he's opened doors to get on trash, he's ripped wire off that was being used as a doorstopper, flipped over crates, etc. I just can not trust him even with crates or gates that it's going to keep them apart if he decides to get violent. I think he needs someone who's actually experienced and has the time to train and watch him full time. It sucks, but I'm at my wits end. I try to train him, and he somewhat is, and I try to get his energy out. But he's strong and stubborn and I don't have my parents supervising him during the day now that I moved out, it's just too much. I don't know. Just a vent and so much distress and I'm so tired

I hate this so much. It was so unexpected. I know how soiwtally wrong it is to rehome pets and it hurts me so deeply, but I need some advice and community here. Has anyone else ever had to do this? Rehome a pet because you just were not able to handle it? How did you cope with that? How did you make that decision?

My whole life I've walked on tiptoe, my whole life I've heard that I should buy high heels because it would make walking easier, but I've never even put a pair on. Have any of you ever worn them?

I think they're pretty, even though they don't really match the clothes I wear. I feel that if they helped me at least maintain a certain posture, I would feel less pain in my calves.

I scan for danger as a result of being bullied and it's made my anxiety worse. I notice similarities in ppl who've mistreated me and others, and I'm always looking out for those tendencies.

E.g.:

1. If someone seems really interested in private details, or tries to establish friendship or romance too quickly (lovebombing), I'm wary they might be malicious gossipers collecting info.

2. If someone talks a lot of shit about others, I suspect narcissistic tendencies; they derive pleasure from devaluing others, putting people down helps regulate their self-esteem, and/or they use hurtful gossip to gain social power and bond with others.

3. If someone has a hierarchical view of ppl and are transactional. Some ppl are warm towards ppl they admire or want something from, but dismissive and contemptuous towards ppl they consider beneath them bc e.g. they think they're less intelligent, less attractive, not fashionable, etc. They tend to be excessively preoccupied with prestige, social standing, and associating with the "right" ppl. I'm scared of ppl who think usefulness and position in a hierarchy are important.

4. If someone seems to enjoy others' exclusion or humiliation. It's often subtle. Like my co-mentee had a few years' prior experience in the specific area we were assigned to, while it was my first time working in it. While I was clearly struggling to get my bearings, my co-mentee asked our point person "Do you have anything else for me to do? I'm done with my part," yapped a lot to show off what he knew that went beyond our project, and called what I was struggling with "really simple." If it was a one-time incident, maybe I'd be charitable and think it was harmless, but it really didn't feel that way. He did this throughout the summer, bragging about how quickly he finished and about how easy the tasks were when I was clearly struggling. It didn't feel like he wanted me to succeed. He never offered to help. It felt like he enjoyed belittling me. And of course, he befriended the group of ppl who talked a lot of shit about others. Basically, the trait is deriving enjoyment from making someone feel less than.

5. If someone (especially a man) describes a woman (even fictional) as annoying, I worry about underlying misogyny and abusiveness towards women.

These are some of the traits I've noticed in ppl I've had traumatic and hurtful interactions with.

My experiences have resulted in me constantly scanning for threats. I've even become afraid of the environments where I've noticed more of these ppl exist--particularly prestigious and competitive spaces. I didn't meet ppl like this in, for instance, the volunteer groups I was in. But I have to work in one of these spaces now and just the thought of being there makes me panic.

Avoidance doesn't even keep me safe. When bonding through malicious gossip is common/rewarded, not participating makes you stand out. I sat in a room w some of the ppl in the group that shit talked a lot and became a conspicuous target just by being quiet and not joining in. They probably interpreted it as disapproval and I violated their social rules.

Pattern recognition & hypervigilance suck 🫠

Hi everyone, im rethinking my career path and wondering what to do with myself. I’m an empath and HSP and most likely AuDHD. I was wondering what career paths y’all have chosen and how satisfied you are with it?

I’m thinking about going back to school to study psychology, then specialize in neurodivergence and work as a therapist for neurodivergent people.

Context; I studied computer science and somehow managed to finish my degree and then worked in consulting environment, but I don’t love it. Kept having burnouts due to various reasons not always related to work… But also thinking about what I most enjoy and honestly most enjoy listening to other people and helping them feel supported.

But a bit nervous to leave my field entirely and study for at least 6-8 ish years it would requires to change to this new track.

If anyone here is a psychologist working with ND people, how do you like it? Anyone transition from corporate into psychology career and had advice potentially? Thanks, if you have other ideas/experiences/thoughts about being ND and work in general, would love to hear it.

I think the best track for neurodivergence and high sensitivity is self employment when it’s possible- from what i’ve heard, for ND people, its precarious employment, unemployment or self employment… But was also thinking if you love talking with people especially working with neurodivergent people, might be a really nice career path if i can make it.

Other ideas are English teacher or trying to be an artist😄 Alright thanks for reading💖

i have tickets to see the jacksons in concert in a few weeks, bought them back in june.

i was supposed to go with a friend but now she can't come.

i dont have anyone else to ask really. none of my other friends would care enough to go and i think its awkward dragging someone along who doesn't want to be there themselves.

i barely go to concerts but i was looking forward to this.

if i sell my ticket to a random person i think i will just feel awkward being there. its not easy to get to and from the venue and i also have to be up early the next day.

in an ideal world id be able to find someone who genuinely wants to go to the concert but i have no idea how to go about it, whilst not putting myself in a weird situation with a stranger.

any suggestions?

Now I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed and I do struggle with social interactions but I’m pretty sure this guy at the gym just called me fat.
I’m at the gym and this guys comes up to me and say
“Stay consistent.” And I was like “huh?” And he goes “stay consistent. I’m glad to see you in here.”
And I was confused so
I just said “haha yeah thanks.” And then he says
“You’ll get there one day.” ???????
Did this dude just politely call me fat?

EDIT: sorry I should have prefaced this post with saying I am not a larger bodied Individual. I would consider myself to present as very fit.

Recently politeness and etiquette is starting to become somewhat of a fixation of mine because I feel that the politeness that comes naturally to people does not come naturally to me and it is much easier when there are social rules to loosely go by I feel I’m good at discerning outdated or classist etiquette from politeness and on that note, I would love to get some recommendations for etiquette books and literature I honestly generally prefer vintage ones and I think the culturally they are very interesting but if there are newer ones that’s OK too. I guess I’m saying that I prefer antiquated etiquette guides versus modern self-help books which I find a bit too annoying. Books on customer service as well would be really cool as I feel like that is becoming a lost art as well.

ok, this might be hard to envision but lock in twin.

let’s say you started a new job, and its induction day with the rest of your fellow new coworkers and your manager is showing you around the building. your manager cracks an awful ‘joke’, like idk- “oh we have to keep this door open all the time or else it gets so hot, and Amanda from downstairs will kill us!”. A laughter breaks out. It’s not a real laughter, it’s a mixture of a forced and nervous laughter from your coworkers, but your manager genuinely finds it funny.

HOW DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY LAUGH? I’m not trying to be a Debby downer- genuinely how? I can’t muster it. I can’t even time it right- (yes there’s a timing to it!! Do it too late and you look awkward.) let alone cough up a laugh. It’s even worse when the manager chooses you to fixate at, because now you just look like a grouchy woman who doesn’t know how to take a joke, when in all fairness? where’s the joke ??

Sometimes it can be kind of funny, i really hope this isn’t read as me being negative. It’s just one of those things i fear hints to others my neurodivergence, so i just stand there like a goofy mcgooberson with my face stuck like “😄?”.

Let me know if you guys have any corporate moments that make you go “😄Huh?😅”

That and alcohol makes me somewhat productive even when I'm sleep deprived. I'm late diagnosed and I don't have ADHD. (tl;dr at the bottom)

I've just had coffee and I am struggling to compose this 😂🥱 This is not new. Generally, I drink coffee before sleep only if I need to get up early (less than 5 hours of sleep), because that's the way it works for me. Sometimes, I take coffee hoping it would help me survive the day, but it never really works for me… either I become sleepy and palpitating or just plain sleepy. Right now, I'm just sleepy and my tasks are still waiting to get done.

On the other hand, I had a handful of productive times this year after drinking alcohol. It got me doing chores that needed to be done (that I normally don't have the energy for) for 2–4 hours straight every time. Whether it was taken in the afternoon or during nighttime didn't matter; I got the same energy boost anyway.

I don't want to be dependent on alcohol, so I typically only drink alcohol on special occasions with my family and select friends. I still don't want to rely on alcohol after gathering those data this year. 😅 I thought it would be better to try it with coffee again, but it hasn't worked for me these past few days, like it never worked for me before in the way that it does for others.

So what do you all do to survive a busy day? When there are things that need to be accomplished, deep focus is required, and caffeine is not an option (neither is alcohol), how do you get by? Anyone in a similar situation? What helps you? (Never mind my sleepiness right now, I won't fight it anymore.)

TL;DR—No ADHD. Coffee is a downer, alcohol is an upper. How to function without them when I need to stay up?

I know that it’s never picture perfect but I see a lot of married couples and think to myself “when’s my turn?”

I’m almost 32 and it never happened. I have a lot of things I imagined would have happened by now, that didn’t.

Anyone else feel this too? I feel I’m really missing out.

hello! i was wondering what you all think about this! my whole life i've never felt comfortable performing femininity and never cared enough to do beauty rituals. i do groom and clean myself, but things like fashion and makeup and being demure and all that have always seemed like inconveniences to me. why would i pretend to be someone i am not and also make myself uncomfortable in the process?

so, i've never felt really pretty and never got a lot of romantic attention from anyone. i also just dont look like the beauty standard right now. and i'm kind of learning to be fine with that, even though i do wish i could be beautiful most days because "pretty privelege" is super real. but... i also kind of like the privleges that being plain-looking gives me. i really like going outside and being invisible, i love not being bothered by strangers. and i love knowing that if someone is speaking to me, they probably have a good reason that has nothing to do with attraction.

what do you guys think? does anyone feel similar?

That’s it. It’s what the title said.

I’m a receptionist and still being trained. I’ve done this before and I thought it would be similar to my last role which I was very capable of and it was straightforward. NOPE.
We have paper filing now, not impossible but a headache especially when clinicians don’t give two shits about how things are filed so make your life 10x harder. Despite the fact you’re doing THEIR filing, it’s like looking after children.

I was learning about the phones today, again, I was kickass on the phones at my last job. This new one though, the phones have answering machines and record messages from patients.

Our reception is tiny, has 3 desks squished in on top of that, a filing cabinet that is louder than satans crack pipe when opening and closing. The clinicians treat it as their little personal hangout space. We don’t get given headphones. Printers going off all the time. And my job is to WRITE DOWN these messages off the answering machine quick fire style (which bothers me because my notes won’t be neat and organised by messy and borderline illegible because I literally don’t have the time to get all the info down), with all of this noise going on around me where I can barely hear the messages. Can’t hear the patients details or reason for calling etc.

I said “Yeah so I’m really going to struggle with this duty in this environment I’ll say that right now.” And I got hit with the most oblivious, NT: “Oh yeah we ALL struggle with it. Uh huh.”

Yeah well Debbie, you can’t hear the lighting, and don’t actively flinch when the filing cabinet is screech-slammed shut behind you. :)

I went home after this and slept for 3 hours because it really drove me to the brink. Considering looking for a different- NON reception position unless it’s the same department I worked at before. I’ve only been here for 6 weeks though.

I am naturally a happy and sort of effusive kind of person. My life has been really hard since early childhood, but I’ve always had this as a personality. It’s a little childish and over the top at times, but I’ve always gotten the sense that people - rather they like me or not - can at least tell that it’s sincere.

But lately, like in the last couple of years really, I get the sense that people think I’m being fake or trying to manipulate them.

I’ve noticed that when I mask by toning down the happy part of my personality and basically force myself to act like I care less, and smile and laugh less, people seem to receive me as sincere again.

I’m always trying to understand social stuff better and I’m trying to figure out what makes the same personality trait I’ve always had suddenly seem insincere when it’s not

I’m trying to understand what changed in me or culture in the last two years to make this very noticeable shift in how people perceive me

Edit: for context, I’m in the US and the only other thing that’s changed is that I got fatter than average and I used to be thinner than average