My (35m) fiance (32F) is weirdly religious. Like she's a catholic and for the most part is tolerant and accepting to other people's ideology. Mostly. There's only been one thing that she gets unhinged about.

She hates dinosaurs and does not believe they existed.

Why? Because they weren't in the Bible. She believes fossils are either animals with defects (ie: triceratops being rhinos with birth defects/mutations) Or that the fossil was literally planted by Satan for the long con game of turning people away from God.

For whatever reason, dinosaurs cause her to go full Bible thumping mode. Like think Westboro but against dinosaurs.

For the most part, it hasn't been an issue because dinosaurs aren't something brought up. And in the occasion that dinosaurs are brought up, i usually have no opinion and let her go off on a tangent.

Enter my nephews (6m) birthday. Over the weekend it was his birthday party. And it was dinosaur themed. We didn't know this and it was nothing malicious because dinosaurs aren't brought so they didn't know

My fiance turns red seeing the dinosaurs and I tried to nip it in the bud and pulled her into the kitchen. I tried to get her to drop it today because it's a kids birthday, dinosaurs ate a common thing for kids. But she was complaining about it saying my sister was turning kids away from God and Jesus because Satan fossils.

My mom and sister came into the kitchen and overheard us arguing and what she was saying. They both thought she was joking at first but when by fiance accused my sister of promoting Satan and being insulting about her parenting as a result of not being a true catholic, it turned to a fight real quick.

I tried to calm things down but it got worse and finally I told my fiance to stop being a psycho. Dinosaurs were real and she was being crazy for trying to have a religion war over dinosaurs at a kids birthday.

She called us all a bunch of fake Catholics and closet Satanist and left. I tried to do damage control but she pretty much is banned from foreseeable family gatherings. But now my fiance is also pissed at me saying i should have supported her, even if i didn't agree, and tried to save the kids from Satan by preventing exposure to dinosaurs.

But dinosaurs did exist and her Satan fossil conspiracy theory is crazy. So how was i supposed to support her when she's wanting to go crusading about it at a kids party? Was i the asshole?

I am 42f, I do well financially and own my own home. My neighbors hired a nanny who is 20. She is new to where I live and is from a small town. We started saying hi and goodmorning to each other. I gave her my number.

She started calling me often almost every other day. It was a bit annoying but she was asking for advice and I figured no issue. Sometimes she suggested harming herself, to which after a few times I told her that I have worked very hard to build peace in my life and I can’t listen to this all the time. She stoped after that.She then jokingly asked if she could live with me. I said no. She then one day asked if she can sleep overnight because her electricity is out in her apartment. I said sure. The next day she calls me in the morning and says her roommates and her had a fight. I told her that you’re looking for a care taker and I’m not trying to be that. During this time she would randomly ask for 10-20$ and then pay me back a month later.

Recently she asked for 120$, then texted me an hour later saying to forget it.

I blocked her, I felt that she is like grooming me to end up asking for a large amount and not paying it back.

Was I wrong for blocking? She ended up contacting me through WhatsApp saying that why did I block her. I just replied that I have been taken advantage of in the past and her asking for money makes me uncomfortable. Also she is 20 and I’m 42 we don’t have anything in common.

Anyway am I wrong? I feel guilty.

I’m M26, my girlfriend is F28, and the other guy is M34.
We’ve been together for 4.5 years, and until recently, I genuinely thought we were building a future together.
A while ago, I started getting suspicious about her relationship with a guy who works at a bingo parlour
, somewhere she visits quite frequently. She told me he was helping her with her mental health and that they were just talking. Apparently, he was someone she could open up to.
The problem was that she was going to his house every Tuesday while I was at work.
Whenever I questioned it, she told me I was being paranoid. I started questioning my own judgement so much that I spoke to my doctor about my medication because I thought maybe my anxiety was getting the better of me.
Turns out, my suspicions weren’t coming from nowhere.
A girl who knows him sent me a picture that my girlfriend had apparently sent her, showing my girlfriend and this guy in bed together, both topless.
When I confronted my girlfriend, she claimed they had their bottoms on and that nothing happened. However, multiple people in her friendship circle have told me she’s admitted to them that they slept together.
I’ve also seen their messages, including plenty of nudes being exchanged between them.
So, whether she’s willing to admit they had sex to me or not, I know enough to realise that whatever was going on between them wasn’t just some innocent friendship.
The thing is, we haven’t officially broken up.
Where I live, most people seem to think we’re finished. But my girlfriend and her family still seem to think we’re together. Our Facebook relationship status hasn’t even changed.
Recently, she’s started trying to rekindle things with me. She wants us to work things out, but I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.
Part of me still has feelings for her. Four and a half years is a long time, and it’s not as simple as just switching those feelings off overnight.
Another part of me feels like I can’t trust her anymore, especially when she’s still denying that they slept together despite everything I’ve seen and heard.
Here’s where I might be the asshole.
I’ve started using Hinge. I’ve got a date tomorrow and another one arranged for next Friday.
I’m keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length because, if I’m being completely honest, it’s comforting having someone there after being with her for so long. At the same time, I’m meeting other women to see if I can connect with someone else and whether I could actually move on from this relationship.
In a way, I’m keeping my options open because I’m not ready to let go of four and a half years without knowing what else is out there.
I know that probably doesn’t sound great. I also realise that, technically, we haven’t explicitly ended things, and she may believe we’re still trying to work things out.
I’m not pretending I’m handling this perfectly. I’m hurt, confused and trying to figure out what I want.
But I also feel like I’ve spent months questioning myself, being told I was paranoid, and trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, only to discover that my suspicions had a basis.
Now she wants me back, and I’m not sure I want to give her that chance.

So, Reddit, AITA for keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length while dating other women to see if I can move on, rather than officially ending the relationship first?

EDIT: To clarify, I’m not saying I know for certain that they had sex based solely on the picture. I’ve seen their messages and nudes, and multiple people have told me she’s admitted they slept together. She continues to deny it to me.
I’m genuinely unsure whether I want to reconcile or leave. I’m trying to work that out, but I realise keeping her around while exploring other options might not be fair to either of us.

I (20F) and my bf (20M) been together for 2 years now and for a good period of time things did seem to be great, we are a long distance relationship but we see each other around 3 times a year.

He settled he doesn't wants to marry me or get engaged or anything until he finishes his school which is fair and I understand, but I opened to him that I can't find a job because of my mental health issues and I told him I would like to have a small TikTok account where I post makeup and hair looks so people know they can come at me for a relatively small price. He got very angry and told me that if I do that he will break up with me and I won't ever see him again.

Some days passed and we haven't talked a lot I tried to reconcile but every time I tried to do small talk he would talk like nothing happened even making sexual remarks and jokes instead of talking about the fact I'm clearly upset.

I called him and I told him that's not the first time he behaved odd like this, every time I tried to get a job he says it's stupid doesn't suits me and the only thing I should focus on is moving in with him because his country is better (which is financially understandable but I don't love the idea of moving in with his mom in a one bedroom apartment). He got very mad at me and told me that with all the money he spent seeing me he could've been rich by now and if I don't move in with him (despite him not wanting to get married or engaged or give me some sort of security while I'm moving) he will break up with me.

After that call I told my parents about it even tho I feel guilty because I don't want to talk bad about the man I love and they agreed he is being controlling giving me ultimatums but not accepting any ultimatums from me. I told him that I talked with my parents and he's being weird now I can't tell if he's angry or anything but I can't get over the overwhelming guilt.

Did I do bad telling my parents about it? Am I the problem?

So for context: My Bf uses Reddit quite frequently. He often wakes up and will scroll on it. I, on the other hand, don't. I've only ever seen what he's looking at a couple of times but I don't care to look, It seemed normal so whatever.

Well, I wanted to do something nice for him and I needed to use his phone. We have different phones so I'm not used to his but we do have each other's passwords. I accidentally clicked on Reddit while looking for the app I needed.

It was full of P*rn, I only did one scroll but it was the whole feed. We aren't very active anymore, maybe once a week, and he's never mentioned anything about that kind of stuff. Is Reddit more personal? I guess we haven't discussed any of that type of thing. It feels a little more personal to me but I don't know.

Would I be an asshole for snooping if I told him I found it or would I be better off forgetting about it.

I've tried posting this in advice columns but I can't phrase it anyways for it not to say to post in ATIA so here I am.

Any advice welcome.

I was exclusive but not dating with this guy for almost a year. We ended things after things got too complicated for him, mainly because I developed feelings and he didn’t want to settle down with me due to our age gap. After some time, we hooked up again and was chatting regularly until he asked if I had hooked up with anyone recently. I replied no. He asked why. I gave him an answer. Then he reminded me we are not entangled and can hookup with other people. I said I would and that I would tell him out of respect and that I hoped he would do the same. He got a little upset by this and said something to the effect that his freedom has nothing to do with me and that he doesn’t owe me anything… AITA for demanding some respect??? Before anything else, we were friends for 3 years before we got together. He says I’m important to him and that he never wants to lose me as a friend, even if that means we need to stop hooking up to preserve it. But it is so wrong of me to know??? Especially if I’m concerned about STI… I think it would mostly likely help me to move on too….. At the end of it, he told me he did slept with someone during our break. I knew he went on a date but before he told me that he didn’t slept with anyone and that he has been a good boy. But after that one convo, he told me he did sept with her but it got nothing to do with me. Even if we hooked up just 1 week ago. Am I being the unreasonable one? I think I have a right to know if he is sleeping with other people beside me, no?

My boyfriend and I recently moved in together and now all he does is play games with his friends online for nearly 8-12 hrs everyday. I'm not a gamer and i can't pretend to relate but i understand that it's his idea of fun and have been understanding of it, our entire relationship of 3.5 years.

I feel the stark contrast in his behaviour because before we moved in together, he would come to my place 2-3 times a week and spend the entire time with me and i had to push for some time alone to get my work done but he'd be happy to spend the entire time with me. He was loving, made an effort to help me out with things that were solely my responsibilities and tried to take care of me.

However since we've moved, I'm seeing a completely different side of him. He wakes up late, plays games all day, everyday, which he clearly wasn't doing before the move. He stays holed up in his room, showers on alternative days(which really feels icky to me) and if I try to complain or even politely tell him I'm not liking it, he becomes defensive and acts like it's a personal attack. He doesn't want to spend time with me, let alone make any extra one special effort for the relationship which he used to do all the time earlier. We talked about this and he says it's because he's not getting enough space and time away from me because I go to his room often to just hug him or kiss him throughout the day. This has reached a point where he's even been skipping work regularly (which was part time anyway) and really the only thing he does in a day is play games, eat and sleep. He hasn't been contributing to the household chores either.

I feel scared to bring it up to him again and again because the more we have this conversation, the more space he needs and distances himself.

I'm just struggling to understand how this whole thing has become my fault. I had a very different idea of what life would look like when we finally moved in together but I just feel like I'm constantly waiting for him to remember he has responsibilities and that I'm his girlfriend and not his mom asking him to work or shower.

AITA here or is he

I'm not going to try to make this too long but I really need to

get this off my chest. I've been with my boyfriend for six

months but our relationship is online because we live so far

away from each other. We used to video call but now we

barely do that anymore. On top of that whenever we talk

about deeper or more serious things he never really gives

me detailed answers. He's also very controlling and there's a

lot of other bullshit I don't even want to get into. His replies

are always so short and it feels like the only thing he

genuinely cares about is Valorant. He barely talks about

anything else and honestly it frustrates me because it feels

like he has no personality outside of that game.

But the thing is I think... no I know I've fallen in love with a

really good friend of mine who's in my class. I love talking to

him. He's so smart and sweet and he genuinely listens to

me. He makes me feel heard and there's just something

about him that makes him seem so perfect to me. But I don't

know if I see him that way because he really is as amazing

as I think he is or if I'm just blinded by my feelings for him.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend has

been acting so childish lately and I'm getting tired of dealing

with it especially since we're both over 18. I want a

relationship where I can have meaningful conversations and

feel heard. I want to actually connect with the person I'm

with.

I would like to break up with him but I honestly don't know

how.. Every time I see my classmate my heart feels like it

skips a thousand beats and I can't keep these feelings

bottled up anymore.I don't know if I should try to fix things

with my boyfriend or finally be honest with myself about

how I feel. I just know I can't keep pretending everything is

okay when it isn't.

Also: Just for clarification I'm the one buying him everything

like Nitro and Valorant stuff because he's broke but still

wants all those items anyway.

For context, I’m 17F, and my boyfriend, who we’ll call Caden (19M), and his best friend, who we’ll call Timothy (19M), are both sophomores in college. I’m a freshman, and Caden and I have been dating for a few months now. Caden and Timothy have been best friends for years, and they’re also roommates. I’ve gotten pretty close with Timothy. I genuinely consider him a good friend, thats all and we’ve always gotten along really well.

Anywayss, a few days ago, Caden and I got into a REALLY bad argument at his apartment. I won’t get into exactly what the argument was about because I don’t think it’s super relevant, but things escalated pretty quickly. Caden ended up raising his voice at me, and eventually it turned into him practically screaming and yelling.

For some background, I grew up with a dad who would constantly yell and scream whenever he was upset. Because of that, yelling is something that genuinely affects me a lot. Caden knows this. Eventually Caden got frustrated and left the apartment to cool off. I stayed behind because I was still really upset and didn’t feel like leaving so late at night. I ended up going into Caden’s room and just sitting on his bed crying. I genuinely couldn’t stop, and I felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened.

A little while later Timothy came into the room and saw me crying. He immediately asked me what happened and if I was okay. i tried to get him to leave because I didn’t want to involve him in an argument between me and his best friend, but I eventually just broke down and started venting to him about everything. Timothy was genuinely so sweet about the entire situation. He sat next to me, listened to everything I had to say, and just tried to calm me down. At one point, he pulled me into a hug which i thought was completely normal because duhh and I honestly just started crying even harder.

Now, here’s the part where I feel like I might’ve crossed a boundary. The hug lasted a pretty long time. it definitely wasn’t just a quick comforting hug. I was basically crying into his chest while he held me rubbed my back, and occasionally stroked my hair to calm me down. I was holding onto him pretty tightly too.

I want to make it VERY clear that nothing romantic or sexual happened between us. We didn’t kiss, flirt, or do anything like that. like ever. At least from my perspective, it was completely platonic. I was just really upset, and he was comforting me like how any friend would. However, I can also understand how the situation might look from the outside. I mean, I was literally crying in my boyfriend’s best friend’s arms while my boyfriend wasn’t home, and we were being pretty physically affectionate.

Eventually, Caden came back, and he was NOT happy when he saw us. He got really upset and said that what we were doing was borderline cheating , especially considering Timothy is his best friend. He there was no reason for me to be that physically close to another guy, let alone his own roommate.

I tried explaining that I was just crying and Timothy was comforting me, but Caden said I should’ve gone to one of my girlfriends instead of seeking comfort from his bestfriend . He also said that it hurt him that I was willing to be so emotionally vulnerable and physically affectionate with his best friend immediately after we had an argument. And honestly, I can understand where he’s coming from to an extent. If I walked in on Caden holding one of my close girlfriends like that I probably would go crazy

So AITA for letting my boyfriend’s best friend hold and comfort me after a huge argument with my boyfriend?

I (26F) and my boyfriend(20M) have been together for a little over a year. We met online and are largely long distance at the moment but visit each other pretty often. Our relationship is healthy, communication is amazing and we have both become better people thru it. We are matched in humour, ideas and life goals and makes me the happiest I've ever been.

The problem is that my family (mom 58F, dad 59M, sister32F) absolutelly hates him and believe that he is manipulating me to isolate me from them. They think he is too ugly, too poor and too young for me. He is an engineering student and objectively attractive. My family is pretty closed off and none of them have any personal friends, just people they know from work, so they value the time I spend with them a lot. I had moved back home a year before metting my boyfried, so they got used to having me around a lot. When we fiste started dating we were on face time a few times a day and were very infatuated, but have since recognised that we have to lock in. Now I spend my evenings on call with him for about 5 to 6 hours after working the whole day. In my perspective, was also spending enough time with my family, tho of course not as much as before. My sister is especially vicious, making gagging sounds and big fuss every time he is even mentioned. We never had a very good relationship in my perspective, she has always been irresponsible and her actions have made it hard for me growing up, so any relations we have had were for the sake of my mother. So I must admit, I never consider her much when it comes to spendig my free time. This had always been the case, but now she has confessed "that she is upset for not being anyone's first choice".

My parents had accepted him when he first came to meet them and visit us, but my sister (who had not accepted that enter the house but my parents vetoed her) started a huge fight and told my very homophobic mother that my boyfriend is bisexual. Ever since then, my mom has not given him a chance to prove that her perception of him is wrong. I have stopped mentioning him at all since discussions never led anywhere, and it was too painful to hear them badmouth him and calling me stupid for being with him. But everytime there is an argument, no matter what it may be about, somehow they draw the conclusion that my boyfriend is to blame. This is not my first relationship but it is the first serious one I have while being home. I feel so upset that they all seem to mourn a version of me that was just living life on auto pilot and shun and belittle me when I finally can say that I am genuinely full of life. Am I really spending too much time with him? Everything in my life aside from my relationship with my family has improved since I entered this relationship, but maybe I am too in love too see the full picture somehow.

For context, we're both female, and we've been dating over a year now. She's always been a little overbearing but I didn't mind since I know hse has abandonment issues due to childhood incidents, however in the past 2 weeks or so she's been forcing me to cut off one of my closest friends. I met this guy 3 years ago, we got along, and I see him like a brother, annoying af, but still someone I care for. Ever since she's gotten to know him more, she's complained about him, to me. At first, i didn't mind because, like I said, he's annoying, but he's still a kind person and fun to be with. Recently, however, she told me that she didn't like how he was touchy, I mean, we play fight a lot, I can't deny that, so I told him to stop. Then she told me to stop talking to him all at once. I pushed back, saying I didn't want to, and she told me that I had a choice. But the thing is, I didn't. The obvious right awnser was to cut him off. So I made a compromise, I'd talk to him when she wanst around and when she was I wouldny, which in hindsight was stupid af, she figured it out. She later told me she recently had a dream that I was making out with him and that's why she didn't like it (and to her he's unstandable) but I'm lesbian, always will be. But what got me the most upset was the fact she had a crush on one of her closest friendsnfor 2 whole years, the double standards are killing me, but in the end i had no choice but to just cut him off. I felt bad because he seemed super upset, but atlewts my gf wasn't mad. However, today, I asked him to please move his things as he was hugging the items area. She saw this and avoided me the rest of the day. She's mad and saying how nothing will ever change and how she trusted me. I get why she's upset, I broke her trust, but I don't like how I'm expected to give everything up for her while she gets to have everything. Anyways, I need to know if I'm the wrong, and more importantly, what to do. Thank you <3

Edit: Sorry for all the typos I was typing super quickly lol

Im F 20, they are M 27. Ive known my friend for as long as I can remember. She is practically my sister, my partner and her have met twice, and over the relationship she started to not like him. She said some not so great things about him, and that is her opinion. Everyone has one. Well he doesn't like her and I told him I dont want to choose either over any. I feel its the fact that im made to choose is whats upsetting. I feel its unfair that just bc two ppl don't see eye to eye that I should abandon a relationship. She is a family friend as basically is family. My partner and my friend NEVER see each other.

His pov is that its disrespectful to be around someone who actively talks bad about him. Which I understand. Is it right? No. But i cant control her. All I can do is say stop, and she has. She had a not so great bf at one point in time. I told her how I felt once. But i also told her it was her decision bc its her life and id stand by her. -yes he didn't like me. He also said mean stuff. Imma try to keep this short. But aitah? Ill answer questions. Bc idk wtd.

My boyfriend got invited to a Halloween party from someone in his grad program. He just started this program in August and everyone in his program is invited. I asked to see the invite and it says that it will be at a bar and is open to everyone and invite anyone (this is for people in grad school as well as people not in the program). It is on Halloween night. 

I asked my boyfriend if he was going to go and he said “I’m not sure” and I said “do you want me to go too?” And he said “I’m not sure”. That hurt. I asked why he wasn’t sure and he gave three reasons:

1. he really hasn’t hung out with his peers at all and wants them to have a better shot getting to know him. He thinks that if I’m there he’ll be less inclined to put himself out there and socialize.

2. he doesn’t want to be distracted from socializing by making sure that I’m ok and having a good time. He said it would be different if he was already friends with these people and was sure I’d like them, but he doesn’t know them very well, only several people. 

3. this one requires some backstory: I have relationship ocd which causes a lot of anxiety. In the past, I’ve given him a hard time  (in private) about a few different things in social situations and it has (rightfully) put dampers on the majority of our shared social interactions since we started dating (it’s been about 10 months). Additionally, I have a habit of, whenever he mentions a woman’s name from his program at home, asking if he has a crush on her, finds her pretty, etc. He doesn’t want to have to potentially deal with that on a night when he wants to make new friends. 

And since I struggle with OCD, I can’t really make any promises that that type of stuff won’t happen as the compulsions are hard to control- though I’ve never done this in front of people, all of this is done in one on one conversations.

On the one hand, I get where he’s coming from, but on the other, it’s Halloween and open invite! Plus I’m new(er) to the city we live in and don’t have many friends—good chance if I don’t go and he does, I’ll spend Halloween alone. 

He said his initial reaction after reading the invitation was “oh it looks like I can invite my girlfriend” and then he started to reconsider if that’s what he really wanted.

In the past I’ve often worried about him cheating or emotionally cheating with zero evidence. I understand his reasoning, including not wanting to deal with my OCD, but still I feel like as a couple we should be working together. 

I’m in OCD therapy with an ERP specialist and taking Zoloft  (started about 2 months ago) but my OCD is spiraling right now and I’m thinking things like “what if he just wants people to think he’s single” or “what if there’s someone he’s interested in that he wants to talk to more and couldn’t if I go”. 

Since he’s been in grad school, we do not get to spend as much time quality time together and he is often pulling all nighters. He’s not definite on a decision of me going or not (or even if he wants to go), but just the fact that he isn’t sure is what hurts. Any advice on if I should give him space to go or how I could address my concerns?

I (52M) have a side hustle(s) that takes me to a different town that, depending on traffic, can be up to two hours away from home give or take. This has been going on for almost thirteen years now. My wife (50F) and I have always agreed that it was too bad that I didn't have a "base of operations" in said town so that I didn't have to drive back and forth tired/sleepy, rent a room, or have to sleep in my vehicle, all of which are NOT ideal options. I have had the opportunity to build rapport with clients and feel fortunate that some of these relationships have blossomed into genuine friendships. Recently (within the past six months or so) two such clients (24F & 36F) both coincidentally mentioned, in conversation, issues that they needed help with. One was a plumbing issue at the family's rural property and the other was the translation of some legal documents. I like helping people especially if it is something that I feel confident about not to mention being able to ingratiate myself to paying clients, so I assisted. To make two long stories short both scenarios (completely independent of each other) led to the exceedingly grateful clients/friends offering to allow me to use their homes as that highly coveted "base of operations" that had been longed for all these years. Both were aware of the significant challenges and safety concerns posed to me by needing to return home or sleeping in my vehicle. it was explained that I was trusted and there was a great deal of appreciation for having assisted. I felt like because I had proven my utility and had always remained respectful, I was being rewarded and I expressed my profound gratitude in turn. In explaining this to my wife, it became apparent that she was not pleased to say the least with the proposed set up even though for me it is a complete game changer and would increase my weekend quality of life immeasurably. There is some nuance, but basically the wife did confirm that she doesn't like it because these clients are female. I have never given my wife any reason NOT to trust me, not to mention both clients are out of my age bracket. AITAH for taking my friends up on their offers despite my wife's misgivings?

Just to clarify, I was just trying to be completely transparent with my wife. I don't like keeping secrets nor do I want something to come to light down the road and for it to appear as if I was trying to hide something from her. She expressed that she would have rather if I had just kept this to myself and said she doesn't really want to talk about it anymore. She has never outright said that she forbids it. She knows if she had that I would respect her wishes. I think she realizes how much easier this makes my life, and by extension her own, that she doesn't want to put a hard stop to it but also has a foreboding sense moving forward. Maybe she feels if she ignores it, her concerns will simply dissipate. So this is my quandary.

This is a throwaway account, I do not have intentions of updating but I genuinely need some feedback about what has been going on.

Hello,

I (F30's) have two younger twin sisters (20's), Mary and Jane (fake names). As children we got on fine and I really enjoyed being an older sister. As a teen I would take them to the movies, festivals in our city and help out my parents with babysitting duties. I loved being a fun older sister who could spoil them a bit.

However my relationship with my sisters changed dramatically around my early 20's. One of them in particular Mary became very aggressive and manipulative towards me. While I was still living with my parents she would steal my things, accuse me of stealing things in turn, using me as a verbal punching bag, regularly trying to humiliate me in front of others, etc... I was always her scapegoat. She also manipulated Jane into rejecting me. Needlesss to say that the last 3 years I lived at home, she made my life hell.

Basically, althought my parents never tolerated her behaviour towards me, there was very little that could be done. Of my two sisters Mary has always been the most difficult one, however I didnt really see this side of her personality coming. It's as if she went from Mary to Bloody Mary. In short, after I moved out and graduated from university I have kept very little contact with her.

What pushed me to completely cut contact was after an incident that happened a few months ago with her twin Jane. While Jane and Mary were on a train station, someone upskirted my sister Jane. Jane realised what was happening and immediately started screaming after the man who began running away. Instead of supporting her sister or try to help her catch the pervert, Mary began to scold and scream after Mary. Mary held Jane back and told her to stop making a scene in public. What if she traumatized the poor bloke (the man upskirting Jane). Jane was left feeling completely humiliated and betrayed by her sister.

After Jane told me what happened, I was outraged. I called Mary and told her that what happened was sexual assault! Not only were her actions morally despicable but she was going to lose her relationship with her twin if she went on like this. She screamed at me it was none of my buisness and that Jane was exagerating anyway. I replied that Mary knows that if the same thing had been done to her, she could expect all of us to defend her. Why was she doing this to her own twin?

I have learned from Jane that even before this incident, since I left, their relationship had gone south. I guess she traded scapegoats.

My parents agree that she desperately needs therapy. She has become completely unhinged, she has violent outbursts, nothing is ever her fault and she refuses to take any accountability for anything. She refuses to take medication and accuses my parents of trying to drug her. What also really worries me, is her fixation on her outward appearance and to a degree of success she manages to conceal that part of her in front of others. Jane regularly calls me upset about Mary.

I am not a psychiatrist, but I'm seriously concerned that my sister might be becoming a narcissist. I alrealdy knew she was selfish, but this is something else. Because she is legally an adult, my parents cannot force her to get treatment. They are at their wits end.

I have already decided to cut contact with Mary. I made it very clear to my parents that Mary was not welcome to tag along during visits (I live in a different country now). Unless she gets therapy, I will have absolutely nothing to do with her.

What I struggle with, is my feeling of powerlessness. I (and my parents) do not know what else to do, to try and make her understand. Short of locking her up is a psych ward, of her losing everyone, I do not know what will make her realise.

I feel like an A-hole, because despite all this, she's still my little sister. A part of me wants to think of her as a cancer that has to be cut out, while another wants to hope she will see that light and that by cutting her out I'm depriving her from a helping hand.

So AITA?

​

I am a 45F, with three children from my previous marriage. A few years ago (after the divorce) I met a fantastic man, 11 yrs younger than me. I immediately told him that if he wanted kids of his own, I'm not the one for him. (My eggs are finito, last 2 kids were ivf).)

He said he was fine with not having kids of his own, as long as he could live a "family life". He is kind of a thinker type, and he said that he already had been thinking that through.

Me, I could not believe this to be true, almost. For me, having kids has been so important, like "meaning of life-important". So I discussed this over and over and over with him until he got to the point where he thought that maybe it was kind of important to have his own bio-kid. So we ended up doing one round of ivf which failed, and I was told the only way I could get pregnant is with donor eggs.

I cried my eyes out, and then I dove into the whole donor conceptand finally embraced the idea. He on the other hand was very sceptical.

Well, a couple of years went by, then he says that he is thinking of donor ivf as an option for real, and that he wants to try.

But now I feel like I am too old, too tired, too busy with my life and my existant kids, to have another child. I have a nice but demanding career and many interests that I finally start to have a little, little time for. I also don't want to be an older mother, and I don't want to risk my health with a pregnancy. I honestly feel done with having small children...

He respect this and he says he wants to stay with me anyway and that he can live with not having his own children. But I notice that he gets sad when we hear discussions about fatherhood, ppl at his workplace becoming dads and so on.

He is fond of my children and a great step dad but I know that, at least right now, they cannot replace having his own kid and experience the immense and instant love one (many at least) feels for your own child.

I hate the feeling that I am the reason he is not getting children. I just don't see how my love could compensate for that and I'm feeling so guilty, like I am ruining his life. I know he is an adult man and can decide for himself but I think he doesn't realise what he's missing...

Should I finish this relationship for his sake?

I (F19) met Paul (M19) when we were both 17. What started casually turned into a long-distance relationship when I moved abroad. From the beginning, our relationship was toxic. We constantly fought and broke up, often because he would randomly question our future together, call me a liar, or tell me he didn’t like the person I was. He would then cry, apologize, promise to change, and convince me to come back.
Things got even worse when I discovered, after more than a year together, that he had lied about having an ex-girlfriend. I was actually his first, but he had spent our entire relationship making up stories about this imaginary ex, even giving me details about their sex life. Considering how often he accused me of lying, this felt especially humiliating.
After that, we both started initiating breakups constantly. We would get back together, promise things would be different, and repeat the same cycle. Eventually, I became so exhausted that I stopped answering his calls. After some time, he stopped trying too, and we finally broke up. That was eight months ago.
Three weeks ago, his best friend Joe (M19) called to tell me Paul had died in a sudden accident. I initially couldn’t believe it, so I called Paul’s mother, with whom I’d always had a good relationship. It was true.
The day after I found out, Joe and I went on an eight-hour walk, talking about Paul, sharing memories, and remembering all the funny things he used to do. It brought back so many memories I’d forgotten. We had good moments too, despite how awful our relationship was.
After that, I struggled to sleep, eat, or focus on anything. At the funeral, I mostly felt sorry for his family. It was heartbreaking seeing people I’d known and loved grieving someone who died so young.
Eventually, I realized that I was grieving his death, not our relationship. I feel sorry that he never got to experience the future he could have had, and I wish his family didn’t have to go through this. But I don’t miss him. If he came back, I’d maybe want one conversation for closure, but I would never want him back in my life. I don’t consider him an important or good person in my story, and I’m not pretending our relationship was something it wasn’t. I’ve been genuinely happy these past eight months, and I’m grateful I got out of that relationship.
Meanwhile, Joe and I stayed in touch. Initially, we mostly talked about Paul and our experiences with him, but gradually we started talking about our own lives, opinions, and everyday things. We have a lot in common, and I genuinely enjoy his company. I also feel understood by him in a way I haven’t experienced with other guys.
A few days after the funeral, we went for a walk, and when it started raining, we went to his house. His mom offered to let me stay the night since I live in another city. We talked, drank some wine, and ended up sleeping together.
Since then, we’ve spent even more time together, and I really like him. We both enjoy each other’s company, can talk for hours, and feel a strong physical and emotional connection. We’ve discussed how strange the situation is and wondered whether we’re experiencing some kind of trauma bonding.
I’ve never met a guy who seems so interested in me as a person, not just physically. And honestly, the physical chemistry is great too, which makes it difficult to imagine going back to being just friends.
I know it’s only been three weeks since Paul died, and Joe was his best friend. I don’t know whether this could turn into a healthy relationship, but part of me really wants to find out. Joe and Paul have very different personalities, and I don’t want to assume that dating Joe would be anything like dating Paul.
But I feel ashamed even admitting that I want this. I’m Paul’s ex, Joe was his best friend, and Paul has only been dead for three weeks. I can’t imagine telling my friends about this without sounding like a terrible person.

So, am I an asshole for wanting to date my dead ex-boyfriend’s best friend so soon after his death?

I Abigail 23 and my husband Matthew 27 1 year together and 2 years married are at an impasse. Since the beginning of our relationship his family has rejected my existence. The only person who was semi cool with me was his dad, but he never interacted with me on a personal level. The basis for a lot of this is his prior gf Avery 24 was his “original family” and they had a 5 year relationship as well as a child. There’s also a chance she’s majorly bad mouthed me to them. For future context he cheated with Avery 2 weeks into our relationship, and that caused a lot of damage. We’ve worked through a lot of it, but I still have sore feelings and we have a lot of boundaries and minor jealousy issues.

His family never really invited him over for stuff because one of the cousins Mariah 26 wasn’t a fan of past Avery but my husband Matthew was always invited to holidays, and he always went separately. Until I came along. Then they didn’t invite him to anything. Which hurt him but he was okay with it because they had treated me pretty poorly. Recently Matthew divulged to me that he had an incestuous relationship with Mariah when they were 12/13 and was further egged on by the same family to have an abnormally close relationship. They didn’t know about the truly incestuous parts, but they did constantly encourage a too close relationship and looked over obvious abnormal things. Matthew knew what had happened was wrong at the age of 13 and it never happened again. I believe this because he is now very very honest. More so then I sometimes feel comfortable with. They remained very close until they graduated, and then he got with past noted gf Avery causing a rift in the family.

I was in shock after hearing this and told him that I was simply not comfortable being around Mariah or his family ever. I understood why he hadn’t told me sooner, but it was a shocking secret (which he was full of through out the beginning of our relationship, and this past was the final thing) so I told him no holidays nothing. They already had rejected me on multiple occasions, and his family still attempted to facilitate an abnormal relationship with Mariah here and there. I also felt that his dad had poor boundaries with everyone in the family, and me and husband have 5mo baby Daniel. I don’t feel Daniel should grow up around people like that. He agreed, and said it was fine because we have a history of other women from his past popping up that I didn’t even know about til later. Like being friends with a woman for a while and then being told he had a sexual relationship with her in the past. Knowing it would upset me being that close to an ex.

Two months after revealing to me that secret. Mariah’s mom being Matthew’s aunt Frida 55 was dying and he went an hour to the hospital to see Fridas passing, and comfort the family. Which Mariah ended up hugging him. Very upsetting. I was also upset because he told me not come due to weather and not making it before Frida passed. I let it all go because I understood. Mariahs mom was the only family member who ever asked about me or talked to me. So that was pretty lame.

As a result the whole family decided they need to be close again, and forgive or whatever. It seemed they had a lot of drama while Matthew was excommunicated. Leading to inviting me and him to the holidays. Matthew wants to go and I don’t even know what is reasonable. I don’t want to be that couple that can’t agree on holidays, but I don’t even know if I can handle going. The holidays are being held at Mariah’s house too. My husband thinks it’s fair because my family was very against us after finding out about what happened with Avery. When me and Matthew worked it out they fully supported it, and have treated him well since. That’s where we always spend holidays. WIBTA if I say absolutely not? Do marriages work like this? Do I have to go because he really wants to go and reconnect with family? Is my family comparable to his family dynamic?

Sorry it’s long
TLDR:Husband did cousin as kid and cousins family hates me. Husband wants to go over to cousins house for holiday despite agreeing we would never do that 2 months prior. WIBTA if I said absolutely not?

AITA for believing DH and the rest of our family should pause contact with SD until she makes a real effort to take responsibility and repair things?

How do I handle my DH wanting to keep texting his daughter after she accused me of abuse?
I’m a stepmom looking for advice about my marriage and blended family. My husband is my stepdaughter’s biological dad, and her biological mom is BM. I’ve been in SD’s life for about eight years, and we used to be very close. She came to me for emotional support and told me BM was abusive and they weren’t close, so I believed we had a loving, trusting relationship.

In late January, SD accused me of abuse. DCS became involved in early February and conducted a forensic interview. On February 26, DH and I met with the DCS worker. We were told the allegations were considered unfounded after the interview and that SD was a teenager in crisis. They didn’t discuss details, and neither DCS nor police questioned me, DH, or my other children.

The next day, SD went to her school counselor for help and asked BM to take her to the ER because she wanted to kill herself. Her medical records say she told someone, “The DCS case isn’t going in my favor.” She was admitted for inpatient care. During the admission, BM asked DH to agree to SD being discharged against medical advice. Before he agreed, the caseworker called BM and recommended SD reunite with DH and me. SD was discharged a few days later and agreed to start therapy, which began a couple of weeks later.

During therapy, SD’s account changed. In some sessions she said I touched her; in another, she said I hadn’t. DH and I had not heard those claims before, and I know I did not abuse her. The therapist saw SD individually while also trying to work with us as a family. That felt like a conflict of interest and made it hard for me to trust the process. I also felt her approach increased divisions in the family. In May, the therapist ended her work with DH and me, saying the situation was beyond her scope and recommending a therapist who works with high-conflict families.

Before SD’s first appointment with the next therapist, she messaged DH with another accusation: that I abused her in front of him, he saw it and did nothing, and my children witnessed it. We met with a male high-conflict therapist in June and had two sessions. SD refused to continue because he was a man, so we began seeing a woman in the same office. We have had four sessions with her.

DH wants to keep an affectionate relationship with SD through private texts, “I love you” messages, and funny memes while these accusations remain unresolved. SD says she wants a relationship with DH, one of her two step-siblings, and one grandparent. This is hard after the close relationship SD and I used to have. I know she is his daughter, and I’m not asking him to stop loving her. But I’m struggling with him reaching out affectionately while I’m left outside that relationship and dealing with the impact of what she has said. I don’t know what boundary is reasonable or how our marriage moves forward without accountability or repair.

How have other couples handled this? Is it possible to work through? AITA for believing DH and the rest of our family should pause contact with SD until she makes a real effort to take responsibility and repair things?
TL;DR: After SD accused me of abuse, DCS told us the allegations were unfounded. Her story later changed, including an accusation that DH witnessed the abuse and my children saw it. We’re in family therapy, but DH wants to keep sending her private affectionate texts and memes. AITA for thinking our family should pause contact until she takes responsibility and makes an effort to repair things?

I (19F) have two friends, Mark (19M) and Jessica (20F), that appear to be flirting with each other. Mark has a long term long distance girlfriend that lives 10+ hours away.

So this all started earlier this year. I realized as I would hangout in group setting that Mark and Jessica would be extremely physically affectionate with one another. In January, my friend had a party at her house and Mark and Jessica would be booping each other's noses, and she laid her head in his lap at the end of the night. Throughout the next couple of months they began to increase their affection with one another.

Then in April while we were all at my house I didn't have enought seats available for 10 people so Jessica was left standing. She then whispered something in Mark's ear and then she sat on his lap. This is when I and a couple of other friends began to thought this was kinda weird. We did not want to bring it up in dear that maybe they were just both people who were physically affectionate with their friends. And we were leaving for summer break soon and hoped it would go away since they would be apart for awhile.

After summer break we came back to school and had not seen anyone in months. But, Mark visited Jessica across the country during this three month long break. Over the last couple of months I and my other friends realized it got worse while being back at school. We all were hanging out one night and drove to dinner, when my friend was sitting in the backseat she saw them hold hands for the 30 minutes it took to get there. While in the restaurant they held hands throughout the two hour long dinner and Mark rubbed Jessica's hand he was holding with his thumb. This made everyone extremely uncomfortable but we just didn't know how to even address it or bring it up. Additionally, Jessica dosent hang out with us anymore for reasons we dont know, but sees Mark multiple times a week without us around. If they are that physically affectionate in front of us, I'm concerned how affectionate they are in private.

Myself and the friends that find this uncomfortable have spoken to other friends who don't know Mark or Jessica, and they also thought this behavior was odd. So should I talk to Mark? I feel like it would be better coming from one person instead of multiple people since I don't want him to feel ganged up on. I value my friendship with Mark a lot. I'm honestly at a loss of what to do.

My recent ex invited me to a wedding. He’s pretty wishy washy so I wasn’t too sure it’d happen. But he got the tickets and set everything up.

He is VERY easily offended and almost hyper sensitive. This has been pretty exhausting for me as I’m a pretty easygoing person and most days feel positively.

The week before the wedding, he got distant and upset. He informed me this was because I went to the beach to read without asking him. And he had assumed I may have worn something skimpy bc of the weather (something he genuinely just made up lol)

Eventually that blew over and we head to the wedding. Neither of us get much sleep the night before. When we get to the airport and he’s handling our bags, I turn to him and say “I really need to use the restroom, brb” and give him a kiss. When I came out from the restroom he was gone and had already gone to security. I found this strange but just called him to see if he wanted me to grab any snacks. He didn’t answer.

We mostly sleep on the plane and then when we get off he informs me that since I want to be “so independent from him” by using the restroom without asking him to come, I need to leave him alone. Things get very ugly from here. He accuses me of flirting with the parking attendant lady bc I chuckled at her joke. He says im “too open to the world” and am not on “his team” bc I went to the restroom. ATP, I’m over it, but im in a small Floridian city with no direct flights back home until the next day. On top of that, his family is there excited to see us. So I have a decision to make: fawn and make the best of it or make it an issue. I chose to make the best of it bc it’s someone’s wedding after all and meant to be a joyous time.

Wedding festivities commence and things are mostly okay. I get along with everyone, I’m having a good time. I can sense he is beginning to get upset again and try to increase presence and affection to offset whatever negative feelings are coming up for him. This sort of works but he tells me I deserve better than him.

We fly back the next day. Things are mostly ok but I kinda have the ick based on his tantrums prior. He makes another comment about my “independence” when I wanted to stop into ULTA for mascara while he was in the grocery store. Then we have a silly conversation about a pretty classic album. He says he didn’t hear it until recently and I noted that that wasn’t that crazy given his family isn’t from here so it’s not like he heard it growing up. I mentioned I knew the album because Mom played it while getting ready. This pissed him off. He told me I needed to be careful, listen and stop speaking when he tells me to.

At this point I just laugh, pack my things and leave bc I’m kinda disgusted by him and his behavior. He’d never been smaller to me than he was in that moment and the constant tiptoeing around his big feelings is just gross to me like he’s a toddler that missed his nap. But I feel some guilt bc his family was so warm and loving towards me. His mom was very excited. And it feels like bad form to meet someone’s whole family and block them the next day lol.

But ultimately I fear him bc I never know what will set him off and who he will become when it does. And I think that’s reason enough. Right?

So there is this girl that has been my friend for 2ish years, we used to be best friends but then she told me that she liked me in June. At the time I was scared asf and panic-rejected, even though I did like her. Then in September, we had grown closer; I was told by her friends, our mutual friends, and her own mother (her mom lives close), that she still liked me and I should shoot my shot.

And I did, almost a month ago. I asked her to be my girlfriend; she said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship *yet*, and that we can stay friends. And then she ghosted me.

Because she said no she did not want to date, I respected her wishes and did not push. I was going to wait for her to reach out via text if she wanted to, and I would try to have conversations in person (like showing her stuff from media we both like, or asking how her weeks going, etc).

But I over heard her telling someone that I should have pushed more, and not have “given up” so easily, and I am an A-hole for bringing her hopes up?

I am honestly confused as I don’t think a man should push when a girl says no, as consent is important. Am I the A-hole for not trying to… I don’t know, win her over?

Crushing on this guy, but I’m pretty to myself (28f). I’ve hung out with him one time at his place, and it was nice conversation. However, I have a very busy schedule full-time student and working two jobs so I don’t get much opportunity to hang out. Today on a whim I reached out to him to see if he might wanna hang out when I got off of work. We live pretty close by. I figured we could hang for an hour or so before I have to call it a night. (Because for one of my jobs I have to wake up very early and start my shift at 5 AM.) I went to this place and waited at the entrance gate to his apartment for about 10 minutes before I just decide I should go home. I felt kind of bad because I did want to hang out however, I felt worse standing out there awkwardly waiting. I know I was probably overthinking and should’ve sent a follow up text but for some reason, I felt like it was a sign for me to just go home.

Crush ended up calling me as I was driving home and explain to me how he left an event with friends to come and meet me and ask me to turn around. I ended up sticking with my gut and telling him that we could hang out another night. But I feel bad mostly because he sounded extremely upset.

Text exchange:
Me: Nope not yet I'm about to start closing now [8:58 PM]

Crush: I am about to leave _____ in 5mins. I can meet you at my spot. [8:59 PM]

Crush: On my way. [9:05 PM]

Crush: Should be there in 5mins [9:06 PM]

Me: Okay I'm going to stop at home first [9:10 PM]

Crush: Oh ok [9:10 PM]

Crush: Pulling up at my spot now [9:12 PM]

Me: On my way! Should be there in 5 [9:25 PM]

Me: I'm here [9:29 PM]

Crush: Ok [9:30 PM]

Me: Hey let' just rain check for another night. [9:38 PM]

Me: I figured I still have work on me and identify freshen up. It is kind of hot out here. [9:39 PM]

​

I (26F) have a friend, Scarlet, who considers me her best friend. We have a good friendship, but she often makes me feel stupid under the guise of humour.

I'm not sensitive to jokes. My other friends and I constantly tease each other, and it's mutual without anyone feeling hurt. I tease Scarlet too, but I avoid topics I know she's sensitive about, like her weight and family. Meanwhile, she repeatedly calls my friends “broomsticks” despite me asking her numerous times to stop.

Recently, while looking at cars because I'm learning to drive, she made me feel dumb for asking the salesperson questions. Another time, I told her I had 26 hours of driving lessons in total after my simulator and theory lessons. She misunderstood me as saying I'd do all 26 hours in one day and spent around 45 minutes laughing at me and calling me dumb. I eventually sent her a screenshot of my driving form to clarify what I meant. She also constantly laughs at my singing.

The bigger issue is that whenever I call her out, she sends me an entire list of things she's done for me, as though her good deeds excuse her behaviour. She's extremely wealthy and has a car, and often insists on buying me expensive dinners and driving me places despite my repeatedly saying no. Sometimes, it feels like she tries to buy people's love. I appreciate her generosity, but I don't think spending money on someone means they can't call you out when you hurt their feelings.

Eventually, I told her that she can be rude and that her humour sometimes feels like bullying. She got defensive, saying she never intends to make me feel stupid, that this is normal banter between close friends, and that she doesn't want to walk on eggshells around me.

Now I feel terrible because I never wanted to hurt her or make her feel like she can't be herself around me. I care about her and value our friendship, but I also feel like my feelings should matter.

AITA?

Me [MTF19] has been dating my boyfriend [FTM19] for about 9 months. I've recently started estrogen, and my head feels so much more clear, but also a bit irritable, and as a result, I've found myself wanting to be alone more often on top of me already being a pretty independent person and someone who takes pride in her independence i really enjoy my alone time. I really don't mean anything by it towards my bf, however he often will come to my room and pout if I stay in there for too long and will often say things like "I haven't seen you all day I want to cuddle"(he has school and comes home around 4) and when I express that I just want to be alone or i don't want touch rn he gets this sad look on his face that hurts me to see, but I can't help but feel a little crazy for wanting my space he gets upset if i dont get to bed with him since he said "he cant sleep without me" i try explaining that if i want to sleep in my room i should be able to without feeling guilty. Am I spending too much time alone? I sometimes feel like I'm trying to communicate with a child he gets so emotional, and I feel like such an asshole since I don't really know what to do when he runs off upset. I feel like such an ass. I love him, and he loves me. i don't know what I'm supposed to be pr if I'm even the one in the wrong here.