I’m M26, my girlfriend is F28, and the other guy is M34.
We’ve been together for 4.5 years, and until recently, I genuinely thought we were building a future together.
A while ago, I started getting suspicious about her relationship with a guy who works at a bingo parlour
, somewhere she visits quite frequently. She told me he was helping her with her mental health and that they were just talking. Apparently, he was someone she could open up to.
The problem was that she was going to his house every Tuesday while I was at work.
Whenever I questioned it, she told me I was being paranoid. I started questioning my own judgement so much that I spoke to my doctor about my medication because I thought maybe my anxiety was getting the better of me.
Turns out, my suspicions weren’t coming from nowhere.
A girl who knows him sent me a picture that my girlfriend had apparently sent her, showing my girlfriend and this guy in bed together, both topless.
When I confronted my girlfriend, she claimed they had their bottoms on and that nothing happened. However, multiple people in her friendship circle have told me she’s admitted to them that they slept together.
I’ve also seen their messages, including plenty of nudes being exchanged between them.
So, whether she’s willing to admit they had sex to me or not, I know enough to realise that whatever was going on between them wasn’t just some innocent friendship.
The thing is, we haven’t officially broken up.
Where I live, most people seem to think we’re finished. But my girlfriend and her family still seem to think we’re together. Our Facebook relationship status hasn’t even changed.
Recently, she’s started trying to rekindle things with me. She wants us to work things out, but I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.
Part of me still has feelings for her. Four and a half years is a long time, and it’s not as simple as just switching those feelings off overnight.
Another part of me feels like I can’t trust her anymore, especially when she’s still denying that they slept together despite everything I’ve seen and heard.
Here’s where I might be the asshole.
I’ve started using Hinge. I’ve got a date tomorrow and another one arranged for next Friday.
I’m keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length because, if I’m being completely honest, it’s comforting having someone there after being with her for so long. At the same time, I’m meeting other women to see if I can connect with someone else and whether I could actually move on from this relationship.
In a way, I’m keeping my options open because I’m not ready to let go of four and a half years without knowing what else is out there.
I know that probably doesn’t sound great. I also realise that, technically, we haven’t explicitly ended things, and she may believe we’re still trying to work things out.
I’m not pretending I’m handling this perfectly. I’m hurt, confused and trying to figure out what I want.
But I also feel like I’ve spent months questioning myself, being told I was paranoid, and trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, only to discover that my suspicions had a basis.
Now she wants me back, and I’m not sure I want to give her that chance.

So, Reddit, AITA for keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length while dating other women to see if I can move on, rather than officially ending the relationship first?

EDIT: To clarify, I’m not saying I know for certain that they had sex based solely on the picture. I’ve seen their messages and nudes, and multiple people have told me she’s admitted they slept together. She continues to deny it to me.
I’m genuinely unsure whether I want to reconcile or leave. I’m trying to work that out, but I realise keeping her around while exploring other options might not be fair to either of us.

My (35m) fiance (32F) is weirdly religious. Like she's a catholic and for the most part is tolerant and accepting to other people's ideology. Mostly. There's only been one thing that she gets unhinged about.

She hates dinosaurs and does not believe they existed.

Why? Because they weren't in the Bible. She believes fossils are either animals with defects (ie: triceratops being rhinos with birth defects/mutations) Or that the fossil was literally planted by Satan for the long con game of turning people away from God.

For whatever reason, dinosaurs cause her to go full Bible thumping mode. Like think Westboro but against dinosaurs.

For the most part, it hasn't been an issue because dinosaurs aren't something brought up. And in the occasion that dinosaurs are brought up, i usually have no opinion and let her go off on a tangent.

Enter my nephews (6m) birthday. Over the weekend it was his birthday party. And it was dinosaur themed. We didn't know this and it was nothing malicious because dinosaurs aren't brought so they didn't know

My fiance turns red seeing the dinosaurs and I tried to nip it in the bud and pulled her into the kitchen. I tried to get her to drop it today because it's a kids birthday, dinosaurs ate a common thing for kids. But she was complaining about it saying my sister was turning kids away from God and Jesus because Satan fossils.

My mom and sister came into the kitchen and overheard us arguing and what she was saying. They both thought she was joking at first but when by fiance accused my sister of promoting Satan and being insulting about her parenting as a result of not being a true catholic, it turned to a fight real quick.

I tried to calm things down but it got worse and finally I told my fiance to stop being a psycho. Dinosaurs were real and she was being crazy for trying to have a religion war over dinosaurs at a kids birthday.

She called us all a bunch of fake Catholics and closet Satanist and left. I tried to do damage control but she pretty much is banned from foreseeable family gatherings. But now my fiance is also pissed at me saying i should have supported her, even if i didn't agree, and tried to save the kids from Satan by preventing exposure to dinosaurs.

But dinosaurs did exist and her Satan fossil conspiracy theory is crazy. So how was i supposed to support her when she's wanting to go crusading about it at a kids party? Was i the asshole?

I female(30) have a cousin (30) lets call her Sarah. She and I have been friends since we were kids. Back story, me and her grew up together but kind of fell off when we got in high school but i still respected her as person and i will have her back with anything going on. She can call me if she needs to talk and vent which she has.( telling me things i will never repeat to anyone). As we hit our late 20's we got super close to a point i would drive 30 to 40 mins to go hang out with her as she did not have a car or a drivers license. I appreciated our friendship as she was also there for me. She helped me lose weight as i had a upcoming surgery for reduction mammaplasty. After the surgery I couldn't drive up to workout with her as i was recovery for a few months. After a few months we kind of stopped hanging out but we never stopped talking.

Fast forward to me dating my ex he is from the same area my cousin is from but they don't know each other at the time but as I was coming around her area to see my ex we would hang out when i would stay over my ex's house for a few days. We would go to restaurants, or hang out at her house and just chat. i really thought we became close as best friends or so i thought.

Me and ex had a relationship that was on and off for two years. We had our problems and I am usually the one to break up with him and then months will pass and we will get back together. I know stupid right. Don't get me wrong he was a great guy in the beginning we would go out and he would give me flowers. we had so much in common and we basically was in our own little world together. I would support his hobbies if anime, gaming, smoking, etc. we would do those things together and at the time i was 27 years old. maybe i was going through a midlife crisis as i wished for more in my life when i gotten older. that's besides the point.

Back to the moral of the story; as months go on before me and my ex broke up for real we already had our problems. The honeymoon phase was definitely over. He basically stopped trying in the relationship he stopped going out and he became more condescending after the holiday season. He used to complain that he had to spend so much when it came to Christmas, my birthday and valentines day as everything was back to back. After valentines day he made a comment of finally i can relax. which i didn't like or appreciate. He was very manipulative and didn't bother to create a relationship with my friends and didn't bother to come to family events when i invited him. Then goes to blame me for not introducing him to my family and that i am hiding him. The cherry on top of this relationship was he kind of made me feel masculine and wanted me to be feminine towards him. like how can i do that when he is making feel like i have to do everything down to cooking, cleaning, food shopping etc. i felt more like his mother than his GF.

Back to my cousin Sarah i spoke to her about relationship with my ex and how i was feeling and she goes to tell me i deserve more than this and if i wanted to work on the relationship we should have a conversation and she can mediate. my ex did not want that but we still had our talk; there was no conversation on how to resolve or a plan for moving forward. that conversation was more talking about our problems. As nothing was working we broke up for real.

Fast forward a year later. I will say i have moved on and found the love of my life and we are happy. My cousin reached out to me after the 4th of july and began to tell me she and my ex started talking. I could not comparand what i heard on the phone. i was in shock. I begin to ask her how this happened and she said they meet through mutual friends at a gathering. she goes on to tell me that it just happened and they have a genuine connection. i asked her if she kissed him or was intimate she says no and wanted to run it by me first. she said they just started talking two week prior of her telling me (remember that) i tell her anything to get off the phone at this point as i was driving home. later that night i texted her my feeling and said i don't feel comfortable with this relationship. Basically she tells me she understand but will not stop seeing him and a week after she told me they just started talking they are already official and posting each other online and basically saying this is gods will that this happened. i felt hurt and disrespected. our family knows now they are dating as she introduce him to her family (something i didn't do for him in his book). i decided to stop talking to her and deleted her off my social media and blocked her everywhere. There are ppl on my side and there are some that said its not a big deal he is my ex.

So AITA for dumping my cousin as my friend

I am 42f, I do well financially and own my own home. My neighbors hired a nanny who is 20. She is new to where I live and is from a small town. We started saying hi and goodmorning to each other. I gave her my number.

She started calling me often almost every other day. It was a bit annoying but she was asking for advice and I figured no issue. Sometimes she suggested harming herself, to which after a few times I told her that I have worked very hard to build peace in my life and I can’t listen to this all the time. She stoped after that.She then jokingly asked if she could live with me. I said no. She then one day asked if she can sleep overnight because her electricity is out in her apartment. I said sure. The next day she calls me in the morning and says her roommates and her had a fight. I told her that you’re looking for a care taker and I’m not trying to be that. During this time she would randomly ask for 10-20$ and then pay me back a month later.

Recently she asked for 120$, then texted me an hour later saying to forget it.

I blocked her, I felt that she is like grooming me to end up asking for a large amount and not paying it back.

Was I wrong for blocking? She ended up contacting me through WhatsApp saying that why did I block her. I just replied that I have been taken advantage of in the past and her asking for money makes me uncomfortable. Also she is 20 and I’m 42 we don’t have anything in common.

Anyway am I wrong? I feel guilty.

Backstory on my ex, we were together for 3 1/2 years. I broke up with him in January of 2025, he was not the most loyal or respectful boyfriend during our relationship, I checked out after months of tears, being stonewalled, riddled with anxiety 24/7, so I left. I’m not the most fond of him. He said and did some out of line and immature things after the breakup, which I have heard through our friends. It stopped around the time he got with his new girlfriend in December of 2025.

We will both be at this gathering because my best friend who has been my neighbor all my life and her husband are moving to Tennessee. He is best friends with her husband so he rightfully is invited. It’s essentially a goodbye party. My ex and I did attend a gathering hosted by the same friends in March of this year. At that time I was still single and my ex had been with his new girlfriend already. We did not talk, we were essentially strangers and we still both enjoyed our time at the party.

I’ve known my new boyfriend since late 2024. We started dating in April of this year and it’s going so amazingly. This is his first relationship and my second. He is the sweetest soul, we align beautifully, my nervous system doesn’t feel at war and I feel genuinely at peace. I’m not sure if he knows what my ex looks like, I don’t think he’s ever seen him. He might know his name only. He doesn’t know any details about my past relationship, I told him he is welcome to ask any questions as I did mention to him the things I was healing from. But he didn’t ask anything, he only wanted to make sure I was okay and understood everything.

The party is Saturday. One part of me wants to be honest and give him a reassuring heads up. I’d never want him to think I’m hiding anything from him. The other part of me is saying to go and just have a good time with my boyfriend not acknowledge anything about my ex as the party will be a decent size that he could literally be a stranger and invisible. He might bring his new girlfriend as well, and being in the same space as him doesn’t affect me at all as I’m fully moved on. Even when I was single back at the gathering in March, I wasn’t affected seeing him. I’m not worried about any feelings coming up. I just want my new boyfriend to feel comfortable and I don’t know if telling him would help anything or just burden him with that information. Any advice is appreciated :)

I was exclusive but not dating with this guy for almost a year. We ended things after things got too complicated for him, mainly because I developed feelings and he didn’t want to settle down with me due to our age gap. After some time, we hooked up again and was chatting regularly until he asked if I had hooked up with anyone recently. I replied no. He asked why. I gave him an answer. Then he reminded me we are not entangled and can hookup with other people. I said I would and that I would tell him out of respect and that I hoped he would do the same. He got a little upset by this and said something to the effect that his freedom has nothing to do with me and that he doesn’t owe me anything… AITA for demanding some respect??? Before anything else, we were friends for 3 years before we got together. He says I’m important to him and that he never wants to lose me as a friend, even if that means we need to stop hooking up to preserve it. But it is so wrong of me to know??? Especially if I’m concerned about STI… I think it would mostly likely help me to move on too….. At the end of it, he told me he did slept with someone during our break. I knew he went on a date but before he told me that he didn’t slept with anyone and that he has been a good boy. But after that one convo, he told me he did sept with her but it got nothing to do with me. Even if we hooked up just 1 week ago. Am I being the unreasonable one? I think I have a right to know if he is sleeping with other people beside me, no?

I (20F) and my bf (20M) been together for 2 years now and for a good period of time things did seem to be great, we are a long distance relationship but we see each other around 3 times a year.

He settled he doesn't wants to marry me or get engaged or anything until he finishes his school which is fair and I understand, but I opened to him that I can't find a job because of my mental health issues and I told him I would like to have a small TikTok account where I post makeup and hair looks so people know they can come at me for a relatively small price. He got very angry and told me that if I do that he will break up with me and I won't ever see him again.

Some days passed and we haven't talked a lot I tried to reconcile but every time I tried to do small talk he would talk like nothing happened even making sexual remarks and jokes instead of talking about the fact I'm clearly upset.

I called him and I told him that's not the first time he behaved odd like this, every time I tried to get a job he says it's stupid doesn't suits me and the only thing I should focus on is moving in with him because his country is better (which is financially understandable but I don't love the idea of moving in with his mom in a one bedroom apartment). He got very mad at me and told me that with all the money he spent seeing me he could've been rich by now and if I don't move in with him (despite him not wanting to get married or engaged or give me some sort of security while I'm moving) he will break up with me.

After that call I told my parents about it even tho I feel guilty because I don't want to talk bad about the man I love and they agreed he is being controlling giving me ultimatums but not accepting any ultimatums from me. I told him that I talked with my parents and he's being weird now I can't tell if he's angry or anything but I can't get over the overwhelming guilt.

Did I do bad telling my parents about it? Am I the problem?

For context: I am a SAHM of two boys currently under 2 as well as a part time wedding/family photographer.
My husband works full time (8-5 Monday through Friday with a 40 minute drive to work).
Recently, I’ve been the one doing alllll the housework (which is fine, I don’t mind cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and making dinner) which is hard with two kids this young but I do it and love it.
I’ve also started even mowing our yard and raking as to take a load off my husbands shoulders. I’ve hired my cousin to do it a couple times as well to help out.

Yesterday, I called him at work and said, “hey, just letting you know I’d love to get the house clean tonight if you could take out the trash and such, that’d be great.”
Last night, he got home from work, 5:45 like normal. He hung out with the baby while my toddler and I ate dinner and he said he wasn’t hungry and needed to go drop off some tech equipment that he borrowed to dj a wedding back off at his old church. He left and I got my toddler ready for bed and put to bed. My baby was still up so I put him in a carrier and went to rake our yard. Husband texted me and asked if he needs to rush home or if he could stay and chat with old friends and I said “go for it, have fun”.
He got home around 7:40. I had asked if he’d be willing to pick me up a chocolate shake on his way home cuz I’ve had a long day and could use a treat. He sounded like he might. But he came home without, which is totally fine.
After a few minutes, I took the baby upstairs to put him to bed. I asked my husband to pick up toys, take out trash and put away the rest of the food that he didn’t eat and he said “yeah no problem”. 20 minutes later, I come downstairs and he’s sitting in the recliner watching YouTube.
I started picking up toys (NOT upset at all, I knew he probably just finished eating and was chilling for a minute). He said “babe stop, I’ll do it” to which I replied, “it’s fine I’m not upset, but I’m not doing anything so I figured I’ll just start and you can help when you’re ready”. He rushed to get up and start cleaning. We picked up toys and stuff and sat down to talk about our days. 2 hours later, we’ve chilled and talked and all is well. I say, “it’s 10:30, we need to go to bed…(looks around) and the trash isn’t taken out nor is the food put away.” I giggle a bit like ughhhh
He said, “I just needed to chill, I worked all day and had a long day, came home and went out to work again. Yes, I talked with friends for 20 minutes but I just wanted to chill” and I said, “I totally get that, I’m not saying you can’t. But I had a long day too. I’ve raked and done extra work and haven’t chilled until just now with you.”
He said, “I’m upset at you for being upset with me. Because I work so hard all day and needed to sit”
I reply, “now I’m frustrated… you think I didn’t work all day too? The boys and i are all sick, I fed them, did the dishes, raked, cleaned the house, cooked dinner, raked the yard so it can be mowed for our toddlers birthday party next weekend…”
Him: “well you didn’t have to rake.”
Me “it NEEDED done.”
Him: “fine I’ll go mow it right now”
Me: “no you won’t it’s dark and late”
He gets up and goes to take out the trash. I put the dinner away and start emptying his lunch box.
He snatches the dirty container out of my hand and slams it back into his bag… “don’t. Go to bed. I’ll do it”
Me: “honey, im trying to help. I’m not angry, I’m trying to help you out.”
He marches around and stomps doing the trash.
I ask “can you stop being a child about doing OUR housework?”
Him: “oh f**k you”.

Okay, I finish what I was doing and head upstairs. He comes upstairs and grabs the dirty laundry and trash from our trashcan and stomps it downstairs.
I ask “oh my gosh please don’t do the laundry right now, I have clothes to put in that and am starting it tomorrow.”
He ignores me and marches downstairs.
I sent this text and went to bed.

“I’m going to bed. I’m done. Whenever you’re finished stomping around passive aggressively doing everything, waking our children and making them toss and turn, I hope you come up and get some sleep.
I’m not sorry for being honest about how I felt about things not getting done , but I am sorry if the way I communicate those feelings hurt you.
I am not upset, nor have I been mean or intentionally rude.
I love you and hope you get some sleep at some point.”

He came to bed at midnight. He had done the dishes and lord knows what else.
Now we’re not speaking.

If you read this far, thanks for tuning in to my drama channel.
Sooooo AITA??

*Trigger warning SA reference*

My bf(36) and I (41) have been going through a rough patch. 2 years into the relationship and cracks are starting to show.

For context, we both have children from previous relationships, and they are constantly bickering. My job is mentally demanding for 6 months of the year, and I'm just at the 5.5 month mark so I'm drained.

He has had several challenges with work this year, but is finally in a good spot career wise, as well as health issues, both physical and mental, so he is drained too.

Recently he expressed to me that the frequency of intimacy was not enough for him (currently once ever 7-14 days from 2-3 per week) and I explained that when I'm stressed and tired it's hard to just switch it on, and during the conversation asked the question " are you wanting to just have sex, even if I wasn't in the mood" to which he shrugged and said yes.

I suggested he try being more physically attentive without the end goal being sex, to foster intimacy. I'm usually up for it after some snuggles ect.

But he hasn't so much as hugged me since then, just the perfunctory kiss goodbye in the morning and surface legal conversation interspersed with sullen mood swings where he puts on headphones and ignores everyone.

To make peace I did the good wifey thing, went to work, came home and cleaned and cooked a nice dinner then at bedtime, I initiated sex even though I wasn't feeling it at all. Mid way through I had a flash back to SA from childhood which killed any kind of mood I had developed. We finished and I went and cried in the bathroom.

Since then he has asked 3 times for sex, without being affectionate or in anyway trying to " get me in the mood" and then gotten sullen when I have said no.

He is curt with everyone and I'm at my wit's end wondering if I am the one being the AH?

There is this girl let's say Kaylee , we used to play together as children , she is also my second cousin , my father died in 2014 and her father died in 2016 , we both were 13 years in both time periods after that she shifted to another city, people used to talk for our marriage so it kinda was in my mind but my mother was against it since she wanted a household which can help me when needed too and she had none , when I contacted her we started talking in September 2025 really well , we were sometimes flirting and she asking me about the future and all , although she recently had breakup and she was kinda in depression and was having Flutrameli antidepressants, she had a friend Alex who she said is like a brother to her , i confessed to her in early November , she didn't give me straight answer to that and kept me in hook but I later found out she was in relationship with Alex and Alex kinda wanted sex which she was not comfortable with and he left her , she broke down but the ex let's say Adam hadn't left her in these instance either and he made sure to forgive her for that (she had kissed Alex btw) though it was hard for him too , Kaylee told me to be as friends since she has Adam back and don't want to cause trouble in her relationship, though she was still breadcrumbing me , she used to talk to me the most than others , more like she was emotionally dependent on how I tell her to do the things in certain way , then comes July she was preparing for my birthday and had prepared a really wonderful set of gifts , we planned to meet too , she used to say to me that she wants to be loyal to him , although she is not sure about her feelings for him but the gratitude of him for forgiving something so oathbreaking in a relationship, in July I told her that her cousins marriage proposal came too which I declined but she got mad and made a scene in her house which reflected on my home too , her mother used really bad language and in ugly events everything crumbled i had told my mother about things , about her past too which was my most heinous mistake since it was something she intrusted me with but I did to save my families's reputation too , which effected her in a bad way and we ended in really bad terms , after that her grandmother died but I didn't attend , but I had this guilt of doing bad to her so i contacted her , she was very angry with me but not hating me , she and I started talking again , I asked her if we can work this out she said is it still possible , she had left her ex too , though my mother fixed an arrange marriage with a girl who seems like a good girl and everyone was happy , my mother and sister have said to me to not ever contact her again , and if I do they won't talk to me again , i understand that she feels our connection really strong , she emotionally depend on me and doesn't want to let go even when I had made things bad for her , I left her after that saying I can't cheat on other person , then after few days she randomly comes with her alt id saying how everything is becoming a grief for her and she can't make it without me , I told her that I am engaged (not officially it needs 2 years ) she broke down , she started begging to not leave , she insisted that she will make everything good again, that she and I can marry , that she will cross oceans for me , that I should give her a chance to prove herself , she said to me to not give her commitment but let her prove herself and If i don't feel like it then i can leave her , she constantly begged to not commit to anyone else and that she will love me till the end , but I refused in everything, I told her to find happiness in someone else and she should move on but she constantly begged for not leaving , but as a last resort I blocked her ! I feel really bad leaving her in a spot when she needed me , our connection was really strong ,she and I had depended on each other alot but this time I needed to choose my family over everything, even a selfish wish wanted me to accept her but that would mean losing too much , I still bad but she had millions of chances to make it work but she didn't , I feel it's too late , I do love her still but in those 2 years I plan to move on from her

Last week my husband (28M) showed me (28F) some gear his work is selling for October. He showed me and asked if I wanted anything. I said no but thank you. I’m currently in between jobs so we don’t need to buy unnecessary things.

Well today he went ahead and bought a company branded unisex polo shirt. He originally wanted to buy the polo for himself but his size was gone so he got one for me. Apparently other ladies at his job were asking to buy it from him because it was the last shirt in its size but he turned them. He brought it home all excited to show me. That’s when I kinda went off on him. I told him I already said no last week so the fact he bought it was manipulative.

Because now I’m the bitch for not wanting to wearing it and feeling guilty after I already told him no. I also said gifts should be for the person you’re gifting them to not for yourself. He was kinda calling me crazy for not even trying it on or being happy he got me something. He said something like “you think your reaction makes me want to get you more gifts?” He does this often, is the nice guy, and wants to also be the one to be like “here I got you a gift”. Which in theory is great and I do want to appreciate it but the gifts and how they make me feel are always kinda off. I’m not sure if I’m describing it the correct way because my intention is not to be spoiled, entitled, or disrespectful. But I’m never left with wow this is great I really wanted or needed this. And it makes my emotions feel all over the place.

On my end though I did blow up on him because it was kinda my last straw. I did say some not so kind things. One of which is “if you want someone to get on their knees and thank you for the gracious gift you should find someone else and if you need to put me in the box (metaphorical box in his head) as a bitch go ahead”

Context: together since 19 (high school friends), long distance as we both went to colleges out of state, moved in and living together since 22, married at 26. We have a dog and 2 cats together. We’ve tried couples counseling a few times and it was too expensive for us to continue.

So me(f) and my partner(m) are both 18 but we've been together for three years so far. Mostly I can be okay not spending much time together sometimes (for example having lots of university stuff or just not in the mood) but we at least call or text each other most of the time.

The point is, our intimacy is kind of.. problematic I'd say, because of me. I'm not sure how to phrase it even. It's really difficult for me mentally to be okay after having intimacy with him and I really need reassurance and time together after having it. We don't even have sex right now because of me not being ready for it. We've talked about my issue just recently because I never knew how to explain it properly and he never really understood me that well. Don't get me wrong, he's kind, patient and sweet, he always makes sure I agree to anything before doing it. He takes intimacy well and doesn't seem to care much of it, unlike me. I'm an overthinker and I can get triggered in the process just by one touch, look or a phrase. I guess the issue for my sensitivity is about how I've learnt it all? I've had unrestricted internet access from a very young age and I was exposed to porn and gore at 8-9 as I remember. My interest in it grew more and more until I realized that maybe it was wrong and felt deeply ashamed. As a kid, I always knew I could trust my parents and one night I just couldn't sleep with those thoughts that were eating me alive with that guilt and I decided to confess to my mum. I now realize her reaction wasn't okay because I was scolded, shamed and threatened with God and church. I was told I was bringing shame to my family by consuming that content. I've stopped telling my parents about anything and kept more and more secrets after that (which led to me getting anxiety and letting people bully me because I thought my parents would blame me for that).

When I met my partner, it took us some time before trying anything. Each time I felt huge fear and shame. It took me a long time to also confess that I needed more time and was taking it more difficult than he was. Sometimes I would even start crying because of feeling too much pressure on me. Each time he reassured and comforted me. In some time, I began feeling more confident in myself and my body. Slowly we also progressed and became bolder, but still no sex. I still feel shame, guilt and fear but not that intensely as I used to.

Yesterday we also were intimate and at the end we talked for a bit. I really wanted to spend more time and I asked him out about the next day. He agreed and I thought everything seemed fine but at the end he said he'd have about two hours for me and then he'd visit his friend because it's his birthday. I've completely forgotten about his best friend's birthday but it also made sense and at the same time it didn't. His best friend is also my friend. My best friend is also friends with him. We all made plans to celebrate his birthday the other day because almost everyone was busy on the weekdays. I don't know, it triggered me so bad I cancelled the plans, apologizing and telling him that he should spend more time with his best friend. I know it's awful to ask someone out and then cancel but I really hoped it'd be a whole evening for me. I really needed him at that time. Him saying that kind of snapped me out of my dreams and I became more distant. He's not mad at me but also not satisfied with the situation. I'm hurt and feeling the shame and guilt all over again since then, but I know that it was selfish of me to ask him to spend most of the time with me on that particular day. I've apologized multiple times to him. It really hurt me and I also don't know how I'll act so normal in front of him when celebrating with everyone.

How can I explain that I so selfishly wanted the whole evening and it's not because I don't want him to spend time with his friend? I know that nothing I did is okay but it's overwhelming and too much for me

I (28m) have been really good friends for a year years now, and we’ve become (in my opinion) best friends within the last year. He (29m) and I are both queer but have never dated or done anything like that, we’ve always been sisters. There was a moment when we first met when we thought we might date but decided against it regardless and have been good friends.

Let’s call him Fred. Fred is a bit of an eccentric person at times but I truly love and value our friendship. There’s just 1 thing, he is very forgetful/not a very organized person. We’re a classic type A and type B friend dynamic. We have spent countless days and nights hanging out and having fun. But he has forgotten my birthday every year we’ve been friends. The first year we were in the middle of a fight and weren’t talking a ton. The second year we were in the middle of recovering from a hurricane that wrecked our town. The last two years I don’t really have an excuse for him. This year particularly I realized he didn’t even have a clue when my birthday was and asked about it a week after.

To his defense he did apologize after I communicated how his forgetting every year hurts my feelings as I always make a big thing out of his birthday. We’ve taken trips for his birthday, gone out to bars and clubs, or held game nights with friends for his birthday every year in the past but he didn’t even have a clue about when mine was.

Should I just accept that he’s not the kind of person who remembers birthdays and it’s not important to him? Or should I take it as a sign that we shouldn’t be as close as we have been? I feel like one year is a fluke and 4 years is a pattern of just not taking me into consideration the way I take him into consideration?

AITA for feeling like we shouldn’t be as close anymore?

One of my first reddit posts, please bear with me! To start - our first date lasted a week. (I’m M 32 she is F 27) She came over on a Friday and left the following Friday. We had intense physical chemistry and enjoyed each others company so we just ended up spending the week together. She even came back for another 3 days a few days later after she left.

Fast forward and school distance timing work etc all got in the way ultimately however I kept pursuing her even after the initial text/communication drop off and when I realized she was no longer valuing my time the same I pulled back as well. (She cancelled our hangout for being sick in the midst of long text reply gaps) however, She left her expensive earrings and heels at mine when she left after the second visit. She reached out after about a week of no communication asking if I “can hangout for a little” and was being very vague so I just straight up asked her if she wanted to hangout or just “swing by” and she said she can’t stay long so I said I’d rather reschedule a day where there’s more time. That prompted her to just state her true, rugged intention of wanting her things. So I told her yes come Monday and get them and she agreed.

Not only did she not come, but she no call,no text, no showed. Didn’t hear from her until more than a week after we were supposed to meet to give her her things and she essentially demands I mail her items and says she’ll reimburse me, sighting how “she has no time to make that commute.” I refused and said I’m not going out of my way to do that for her when she’s continuously wasted my time. She responded with a long text attacking my character, how I was raised, saying how manipulative and mean I am. I responded with a voice memo calmly holding firm in my boundaries. I should add - This a graduate school psychology student. She then attacked my character again this time saying she’s scared of me(reason she danced around her true intention of wanting her stuff) says I’ve scared her since very soon in. Because of how close I shown I was willing to get to her physically so fast…Meanwhile she spent a week at my place and brought enough clothes for 3-4 days off rip.

I responded with “I wouldn’t even need to be there, I’ll keep it safe somewhere for you to grab, like I said, come get it or don’t.” She said “Monday is my only free day, I’ll swing by then”I responded with my “most mean” text of the whole thread which is “Sounds good. This time communicate, I’ll let you know where they’ll be at” she then sent 3 texts - “There is something genuinely wrong with you” “We could just stop and shut the fuck up too you know” “What is your actual problem? Lmfao goodness yes thank you please let me know where they will be” I didn’t respond to those last 3 texts. Anyway, What is it Mike Ross said in suits? “You put your interests above mine I’m just putting mine back up next to yours..?”

i want to see my friends tomorrow as i’ve been too depressed to meet up with anyone for a long time. i just spend all my time either alone or with my mum or my boyfriend.

i feel bad because my boyfriend asked if he was invited and i was like ummm. he doesn’t have many friends here and usually when he meets up with his friends elsewhere or even abroad he always invites me and wants me to be there with him.

he’s met these friends im seeing a number of times but i personally would rather hang out with them without him on this occasion. he’s lovely and outgoing but a little quiet and i just want to be able to speak without a filter instead of worrying about him. even though he’s definitely not a burden in any way shape or form. he loves socialising and complains about not having enough friends so i feel terrible :(

WIBTA for leaving him at home on friday night?

I (20M) have been dating my girlfriend (19F) for a few weeks. She's very social and popular, and she's openly affectionate with the people she's close to. That just a part of who she is, and it's one of the many things I love about her. She's also dated both men and women in the past.

Here's my issue. She frequently kisses her female friends on the cheek, and her guy friends will sometimes touch her cheek or pat her on the head. I knew she was affectionate when we got together, but I didn't realize how far it went. It bothers me more than I expected, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I know this is how she's always been, and I know how much her friends mean to her. I don't want her to feel like she has to give up friendships or change who she is. But a part of me wants some of that closeness to be just ours now that we're together, and I feel guilty for even thinking that.
I haven't brought it up with her because I don't know how to without sounding controlling. AITA for feeling this way, and how do I talk to her about it without hurting her or making her feel judged?

I was on instagram and in my suggestions I came across a girl that I was interested in so I requested to follow her. Stupidly, I had also sent a request to another girl without thinking much of it. I ended up connecting with the first girl and we started talking and we were getting along pretty well. We were aligned on our goals, ethics, our education, etc. I was genuinely interested in her and had pure intentions to pursue a serious relationship
Fast forward about a week, and she sends me a message w/ a screenshot me requesting the other girl (turns out was her cousin) which had been sent before we ever connected / started talking.
It had completely slipped my mind and I didn’t realize that requests don’t expire. It was honestly a stupid dumb mistake on me. I tried explaining to her, I wasn’t going to make up lies. I was truly interested in her and wasn’t trying to mess around or talk to multiple people or anything. I was only exclusively talking to her and wasn’t actively trying to talk to anyone else either , i respected her and we clicked so well
She was very upset with me and embarrassed rightfully so which I completely understand and I hate myself for it as I genuinely liked the conversations we had and was actually interested in her. I don’t think she wants to talk to me anymore, I feel so bad and don’t know what to do anymore. I really wish I could fix this somehow I truly wasn’t trying to mess around and I was only exclusively talking to her and was so happy to.

AITH / any thoughts?

so im 18m and my gf 18 and ive been dating for an year. i kid u not shes the best gf every and she treats me so good better than parents ever have and can. and she buys me lots of gifts, expensive ones even. so one day a couple months after we started dating, she was fixing my hair and i was like u give mom vibes and bro was genuinely a changed person from that day on.

Like from that day on, she'd call me this nicknames that means son in my language. i mean its not bad but its lowk uncommon to say that in my language although it IS becoming more popular to call ur bf son here. and i didnt say no shit cause i was lowk enjoying it until it became so obvious that bro was taking her mommy fetish out on me (i mean i have a mommy fetish too but dawg be fr). then she'd say these weird 18+ jokes that made me uncomfy i told her its making me uncomfy so she'd apologise and then say it again. oh and on the very first of dating like when we first went on a date , she asked me if i was into little space and i was so weirded out i was like idk maybe in the future ( i genuinely would love that but asking that on the fucking first day of dating is hella creepy) and she said her ex was into little space so i was like ok. back to present she asked me if i wanted her to buy me a pacifier and i genuinely how to reply to that shit i js left her on seen cuz genuinenly wtf and i told my friend abt ts (theyve all been telling me shes a red flag from the start cuz she used to make fun of my accent) and he asked his female friend if its common for yall to act like this weird mommy shit and she said hell nah and called my gf a weirdo and a creep.

these r the reasons why im thinking of breaking up with her plus she always jokes abt having other boys and that makes me uncomfy too. my friends r saying shes gross and a weirdo. she js makes me uncomfortable all the time but i cant break up with her shes genuinelnly so kind except for certain things and shes bought me lots of gifts if i breakup id have to return them and i genuinely feel like a bad person :(

I felt like something was up so I asked my fiancé if something was bothering him. He said no at first but then told me he thinks there should be more woman jobs around the house. Jobs I only do for him and he doesn’t have to worry about.

A little background-last weekend I made a joke about how unclogging the shower drain from my hair is a “man’s” job because he does it for me knowing I don’t like doing it. Now, I don’t believe in women’s jobs or man’s jobs because I believe it takes everyone in the house hold to pitch in. We all do-me, my fiancé, and my two children from a previous relationship. We both cook, we both do dishes, my kids do dishes more often than we do since it’s their chore, we both clean while I clean the majority of the time and keep things tidy and organized. We even split the bills since we both work full time. Except for a few things that he likes to do so I don’t have to i.e. taking out the trash, unclogging the shower drain, house repairs, cutting the grass (my daughter does this while he weedeats), and other outside things. I can do these things but he’s made it clear he likes doing them. I do most of the child rearing since they’re my kids from a previous relationship-although he helps occasionally with homework, and regularly drops my youngest off at childcare since my work hours are different.

Back to this argument-I let him know the shower drain was needing to be cleared out. We have an agreement that I put my hair that falls out on the wall from washing it and flush it to try to help the situation, and he will clean out the drain when it needs it. That’s great because I really don’t like doing it and he wanted it to be easier to clean out or not do it so often.

However, often he makes comments/jokes about how he should make me do it and it’s my fault my hair falls out(women things). Well this last time he made the comment and I responded with “no way that’s a man’s job because I don’t want to do it.” He seems to have been bothered by that even though I was saying it in a joking way and didn’t mean anything by it.
Yesterday, when I asked him what was bothering him, he said since there’s men’s jobs that he only does, he thinks there should be women’s jobs that I only do and asked for me to do his laundry. I was very hurt by this and felt unappreciated at the same time. I do a lot just as he does around the house and have two children I’m rearing. There are small things I do that he doesn’t do around the house but nothing big like cutting the grass or house repairs. I don’t not do them because it’s a man’s job. I don’t do them because I offer religiously to help and he declines saying “I got it baby let me take care of you.”

Even the laundry-I’ve done his a few times adding it to the other 3 people’s laundry I do every week(mine and my two daughters). Most of the time he declines saying he can do his own laundry but when I do it he seems to appreciate it.

Now he’s saying he wants me to have a job I only do that nobody else helps with and decided it should be laundry. I don’t mind I guess but I already struggle keeping up with mine, my daughters, all the towels in the house, sheets, blankets, decorative pillow cases, you name it I wash it. Except his, since he’s previously made it clear he’s a grown man and can do it himself.
I don’t feel appreciated anymore and feel very hurt by this.

Reddit, AITA for not wanting to add this to my to do list since I feel we both pull our weight and do enough?

Me(F16) and my girlfriend (F18) have been dating for over a year now and we both come from very abusive and toxic relationships. We both know how hard it is but still said we’ll work on ourselves in order to make this relationship last.

Though, as much as I try to help and accept her decisions, she’s not doing anything that could actually help our relationship.

And what I mean by that is, she most likely has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and a lot of other mental health problems, but she doesn’t go to therapy. No matter how many solutions I try to search up for her, no matter how I try to help her, whenever it comes to getting actual professional help she comes up with excuses in order to avoid it.

Example: After I finally convinced her to talk to her mom about it, her mom offered her to go to therapy. Later she came up with the excuse that her mother no longer has the money. Which I would understand, of course. So, my mother also tried to help her and sent her multiple links to free therapy events nearby, and she still came up with excuses not to go. And when I asked her if they have something like a school therapist in her college, she told me they don’t so that’s not possible either.

What I find really weird? After a few months she tells me that she reached out to her school counselor and they help her with that kind of stuff. Which means, she lied to me when I asked if her college has that?

Well, I didn’t ask about it because I was finally happy she actually wanted to start working and improving on her mental health, but now she’s coming up with MORE excuses to not go.

I have communicated with her multiple times about how this is an issue and I don’t feel comfortable in this relationship considering she heavily depends on me and I’m the only one that knows about her really heavy issues, and she always seemed to acknowledge it at first but then refuses to actually get help and brushes it off.

I’ve been thinking about breaking up with her over this if she doesn’t get help soon due to her purposely putting my mood down and dumping heavy shit on me, but I’d feel like an asshole since I promised her that I’d be with her no matter how hard it gets and be there to help her.

So am I just an asshole and impatient for wanting to break up with her over this?

​

I 18 F and my Bf 19 M have been together for more than 3 years.

In the past few months he cancelled our plans to go out 2/4 hours before we were supposed to meet. For the context we go to the same school even to the same class he have anxiety so we don't really have much interaction in school but the point is school is like in the city and we live in different directions so we have more than an hour to each other's houses (I will call main city LKR).

For me to go to the LKR is a little bit longer than it is for him (around 2 times more). Two weeks ago we were supposed to go to one of my best friends 18 Birthday so it is a big thing, he was my ride because I don't have a car yet party was at 6pm and we were supposed to be early to help my friend with everything by the time I was supposed to go for a train to mit him at LKR so we can go to my friend he texted me that he no longer wants to go, the thing is that he didn't show up to my other BESSSSTT friend 18 birthday so for this party I told him earlier before maybe 2/3 weeks before the party that if he didn't show up to another important friends party I'm going to brake up with him. I know it's a lot after 3 years together but these two friends are really important for me, but going back to the story, he eventually agreed that he will go for a bit, that was a lot for me because I was fighting for a ride and at the another party people would ask wth happened to him that he didn't show up. As he told me he came for a couple hours and I was fun but he was complaining a lot at the party that It doesn't look like his friends party and he don't like it, the other thing is that his friends don't invite him with me we just wild because they invite people who are on talking stage with their love interest but they know about me and my boyfriend being together for more than 3 years but still don't invite us together and my boyfriend needs to fight for me to go with him which he don't really do usually.

He never really tries to make plans I just make them and he with all his anger tells ok and just pretends to listen.

Today we are supposed to go for a waffle or just sit together and he was supposed to have a doctor visit beforehand for which his mother set him up. He told me to visit was supposed to be early morning and we are supposed to meet at evening but today at 8:00 a.m. he told me that we are no longer going out because the visit is of the evening the thing is that for me to go there after the evening is really hard because I need to go back to my home so going out to the LKR for an hour isn't really affordable for me. The things like that happened more than I could count and he don't like to plan because he don't like to ask if he has other things to do and he just want to go with flow I wanted to talk with him yesterday to know anything about today's going out like what time does he have a doctor what time do we need to where do we meet and he just we're playing with his boys and forgot about talking to me and he didn't even try to offer me other time that we can meet not like maybe at Saturday or something but the thing is that he was supposed to come to my place tomorrow so I need to really deep clean my house and for now I don't really know that if I want to clean if he didn't even want to try to know what time does he have a doctor or even try to make fucking plans with me.

I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense but I'm just confused and mad about everything

Am I stupid for forgiving him?

AITA for wanting to make plans earlier?

So I’ve been best friend with a girl for the past 7years, we love each other, we’re genuinely 24/7 together we never get into a fight or anything. My friend has been “talking” with a guy of her class for a month now, I’m really happy for her. Whenever we hang out now she always talks about him and i genuinely don’t mind cause I’m the biggest dead horse beater and honestly I do talk about my man 24/7 too cause that’s a big part of our life. The thing is for the past month she’s been ditching me to be with him. First time was when I asked her to go get lunch together after back to school (we are in different universities) and she asked if she could bring him, I was yeah ok it was kinda supposed to be a you and me hangout but whatever, I just said yes. The guy is nice honestly, I have no problem with him. We ate lunch together and the guy had to leave so I was like ok we’re staying together she and I, she gave me a weird look (like girl please) and left with the guy.
Then I wanted to hang out the next week and she said “I can’t I’m with him” (mind you they are in the same class so they are like EVERY SINGLE DAY together) I was like ok no problem.
Then we went to the cinema together, the whole time she was texting him, talking about him, CHECKING HIS LOCATION, I still didn’t say anything. Then there were a few other times I wanted to hang out (to have lunch or whatever) and she kept saying “I’m with him” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And once again they already spend the whole day in class together, they eat lunch together, they hang out after class together, every single day, if she could only see him once in a while I would completely understand but like here bfr.
One day we hung out and she suggested we should dine together (she and I) I said yes we met somewhere and started walking, she kept on stalking his location and saying “when is he coming??” So I was like “oh are you two meeting up after we ate ?” That b!tch invited him to get diner with us. Like. Right after I asked her to meet up. The guy came and we were supposed to get one of my friends who was at a bar and ironically one of the guy’s ex was at the same bar. So he said he didn’t want to come with us to go pick up my other friend. I was like “no problem you stay here and we go get her” and my friend started telling me “oh but he’s alone I’m going to stay with him” atp just go with him to the WC and hold his d!ck while he’s pissing so that he won’t be alone there too girl. I grabbed her by the arm and said “he’s a big boy he can stay 2min alone”.
And now literally every time I want to hang out with her we either hang out and she’s talking with him on snapchat or she says she can’t cause she’s with him.
I didn’t confront her about it because maybe I’m being a drama queen and once again I have no issue with her being with him(thanks god I mean) or talking about him when we are together, it’s just the ditching me to be with him + talking to him when we are together and inviting him when we hang out that is starting to piss me off

So for context: My Bf uses Reddit quite frequently. He often wakes up and will scroll on it. I, on the other hand, don't. I've only ever seen what he's looking at a couple of times but I don't care to look, It seemed normal so whatever.

Well, I wanted to do something nice for him and I needed to use his phone. We have different phones so I'm not used to his but we do have each other's passwords. I accidentally clicked on Reddit while looking for the app I needed.

It was full of P*rn, I only did one scroll but it was the whole feed. We aren't very active anymore, maybe once a week, and he's never mentioned anything about that kind of stuff. Is Reddit more personal? I guess we haven't discussed any of that type of thing. It feels a little more personal to me but I don't know.

Would I be an asshole for snooping if I told him I found it or would I be better off forgetting about it.

I've tried posting this in advice columns but I can't phrase it anyways for it not to say to post in ATIA so here I am.

Any advice welcome.

I (21m) have been with him (22m) on and off for three years. I'll refer to him as Finn. Me and Finn first got together for a week back in 2023 before breaking up for a few months and trying again when we were doing better. We dated for a year before I broke up with him due to him needing things that I couldn't provide that were clearly hurting him.

We've been in this cycle for three years now, and every time Finn comes back he apologizes for possibly being annoying or causing me trouble that I always told him isn't true. We've gotten back together multiple times due to this guilt. I block him on everything I have every time, but he always finds some way to reach out. Last time he said he considered mailing letters to my home.

He's also shown on multiple occasions that he doesn't know how to follow boundaries, and gets insecure if I need space for any reason.

I feel trapped because I genuinely want to leave him but I feel awful about the fact he'll inevitably worm his way back into my life. I don't see a future with him. And we're so incompatible that I don't know why he keeps clinging to me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tl;Dr: My boyfriend always finds a way to guilt me into getting back together with him whenever I leave, even if I block him on everything. I'm scared to try to leave again.

My boyfriend and I recently moved in together and now all he does is play games with his friends online for nearly 8-12 hrs everyday. I'm not a gamer and i can't pretend to relate but i understand that it's his idea of fun and have been understanding of it, our entire relationship of 3.5 years.

I feel the stark contrast in his behaviour because before we moved in together, he would come to my place 2-3 times a week and spend the entire time with me and i had to push for some time alone to get my work done but he'd be happy to spend the entire time with me. He was loving, made an effort to help me out with things that were solely my responsibilities and tried to take care of me.

However since we've moved, I'm seeing a completely different side of him. He wakes up late, plays games all day, everyday, which he clearly wasn't doing before the move. He stays holed up in his room, showers on alternative days(which really feels icky to me) and if I try to complain or even politely tell him I'm not liking it, he becomes defensive and acts like it's a personal attack. He doesn't want to spend time with me, let alone make any extra one special effort for the relationship which he used to do all the time earlier. We talked about this and he says it's because he's not getting enough space and time away from me because I go to his room often to just hug him or kiss him throughout the day. This has reached a point where he's even been skipping work regularly (which was part time anyway) and really the only thing he does in a day is play games, eat and sleep. He hasn't been contributing to the household chores either.

I feel scared to bring it up to him again and again because the more we have this conversation, the more space he needs and distances himself.

I'm just struggling to understand how this whole thing has become my fault. I had a very different idea of what life would look like when we finally moved in together but I just feel like I'm constantly waiting for him to remember he has responsibilities and that I'm his girlfriend and not his mom asking him to work or shower.

AITA here or is he