For context: me (20F) and my bf (20M) have recently got back together after our separating for about 2 months. We were in a relationship for FOUR whole years so obviously staying away from each other was hard for both of us. He apologised for what he was like and said me loved me too much to be away from me. Now, he said he was serious AF about me, will marry me no matter what, will do anything for me and like he said he realised he was treating me wrong and was very sorry about it. I was over the moon. Past few weeks have been goung AMAZING.Recently I saw his like over a reel where a girl was dancing while showing off her pink trad fit. I sent him the reel and asked if he liked her dress or her, and he said he was just scrolling reels. He did NOT take the like back,and when I said he should be with her then and he just sent 🤷‍♂️ and i haven't replied to him after that lol I don't think I want to talk to him honestly im so fucking tired of these ups and downs.

I DON'T need advices that are based on gender saying men are evil and all that, I need some genuine advices!!this is my frkn life.

My girlfriend (F25) and I (M27) have been together for just short of a year. A few weeks ago her ex-partner sadly took his own life. They were together about 2 years in their early twenties and stayed in contact for a bit. It’s been an incredibly hard time for her, and I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can through all of it.

Now she wants to get a tattoo as a permanent reminder of him. I understand the grief behind it, and I don’t want to take that away from her by any means. But I’m struggling with the idea of seeing a reminder of her past relationship every day for the rest of our relationship, especially as I have mixed feelings about him as a person - hearing how he cheated and was at times abusive towards her.

What’s really underneath it is that I don’t want her to be stuck in the past forever. I’m scared there won’t be room for us to move forward if she’s still so tied to him. At the same time, I feel guilty for even thinking that, because he died, and she’s hurting.

Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the partner or the one grieving? How did you talk about it without making the other person feel judged or dismissed?
I’d really appreciate perspectives from both sides.

tl;dr My girlfriend wants to get a tattoo to remember her ex-partner that died recently, AITA to feel uncomfortable?

My (F20) Girlfriend got upset at (M20) me for not eating the pastries she made for me. For some context I was picking her up for breakfast and she said she had a surprise for me. When I pick her up she gives me a baggie of pastries and I told her that it was super sweet of her to make them for me and I will try them after breakfast. She instantly becomes upset and I tell her I just want some real food in my stomach before I have a sweet treat as neither one of us has eaten all day. We get to breakfast and order our food and sit down and she says she is hungry and doesnt want to talk. Ok no problem. And as we sit there I dont really say too much to her so I can give her space and before our food comes she says “I dont understand why your upset” and gets up and goes to the bathroom and slams the door pretty aggressively. Obviously this upsets me and I start tearing up a little bit, but she comes back about 5 minutes later right when the food is done and we sit and eat in silence. After eating she says that she just wanted me to try her pastry and was offended I didnt try even a bite before we got our breakfast. I explain how I just wanted real food first and she tells me how it upsets her that she worked hard on it and I couldnt even try a bite. I tell her its not personal and I also explain that how she speaks to me and acts when shes upset hurts my feelings as well. She responds with “I dont understand how when I am upset I am always the one apologizing” and then we proceeded to drive home in near silence with me apologizing on the way home for not trying her food and trying to make the situation about me.

AITAH?

So there is this girl that has been my friend for 2ish years, we used to be best friends but then she told me that she liked me in June. At the time I was scared asf and panic-rejected, even though I did like her. Then in September, we had grown closer; I was told by her friends, our mutual friends, and her own mother (her mom lives close), that she still liked me and I should shoot my shot.

And I did, almost a month ago. I asked her to be my girlfriend; she said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship *yet*, and that we can stay friends. And then she ghosted me.

Because she said no she did not want to date, I respected her wishes and did not push. I was going to wait for her to reach out via text if she wanted to, and I would try to have conversations in person (like showing her stuff from media we both like, or asking how her weeks going, etc).

But I over heard her telling someone that I should have pushed more, and not have “given up” so easily, and I am an A-hole for bringing her hopes up?

I am honestly confused as I don’t think a man should push when a girl says no, as consent is important. Am I the A-hole for not trying to… I don’t know, win her over?

I felt like something was up so I asked my fiancé if something was bothering him. He said no at first but then told me he thinks there should be more woman jobs around the house. Jobs I only do for him and he doesn’t have to worry about.

A little background-last weekend I made a joke about how unclogging the shower drain from my hair is a “man’s” job because he does it for me knowing I don’t like doing it. Now, I don’t believe in women’s jobs or man’s jobs because I believe it takes everyone in the house hold to pitch in. We all do-me, my fiancé, and my two children from a previous relationship. We both cook, we both do dishes, my kids do dishes more often than we do since it’s their chore, we both clean while I clean the majority of the time and keep things tidy and organized. We even split the bills since we both work full time. Except for a few things that he likes to do so I don’t have to i.e. taking out the trash, unclogging the shower drain, house repairs, cutting the grass (my daughter does this while he weedeats), and other outside things. I can do these things but he’s made it clear he likes doing them. I do most of the child rearing since they’re my kids from a previous relationship-although he helps occasionally with homework, and regularly drops my youngest off at childcare since my work hours are different.

Back to this argument-I let him know the shower drain was needing to be cleared out. We have an agreement that I put my hair that falls out on the wall from washing it and flush it to try to help the situation, and he will clean out the drain when it needs it. That’s great because I really don’t like doing it and he wanted it to be easier to clean out or not do it so often.

However, often he makes comments/jokes about how he should make me do it and it’s my fault my hair falls out(women things). Well this last time he made the comment and I responded with “no way that’s a man’s job because I don’t want to do it.” He seems to have been bothered by that even though I was saying it in a joking way and didn’t mean anything by it.
Yesterday, when I asked him what was bothering him, he said since there’s men’s jobs that he only does, he thinks there should be women’s jobs that I only do and asked for me to do his laundry. I was very hurt by this and felt unappreciated at the same time. I do a lot just as he does around the house and have two children I’m rearing. There are small things I do that he doesn’t do around the house but nothing big like cutting the grass or house repairs. I don’t not do them because it’s a man’s job. I don’t do them because I offer religiously to help and he declines saying “I got it baby let me take care of you.”

Even the laundry-I’ve done his a few times adding it to the other 3 people’s laundry I do every week(mine and my two daughters). Most of the time he declines saying he can do his own laundry but when I do it he seems to appreciate it.

Now he’s saying he wants me to have a job I only do that nobody else helps with and decided it should be laundry. I don’t mind I guess but I already struggle keeping up with mine, my daughters, all the towels in the house, sheets, blankets, decorative pillow cases, you name it I wash it. Except his, since he’s previously made it clear he’s a grown man and can do it himself.
I don’t feel appreciated anymore and feel very hurt by this.

Reddit, AITA for not wanting to add this to my to do list since I feel we both pull our weight and do enough?

I’m M26, my girlfriend is F28, and the other guy is M34.
We’ve been together for 4.5 years, and until recently, I genuinely thought we were building a future together.
A while ago, I started getting suspicious about her relationship with a guy who works at a bingo parlour
, somewhere she visits quite frequently. She told me he was helping her with her mental health and that they were just talking. Apparently, he was someone she could open up to.
The problem was that she was going to his house every Tuesday while I was at work.
Whenever I questioned it, she told me I was being paranoid. I started questioning my own judgement so much that I spoke to my doctor about my medication because I thought maybe my anxiety was getting the better of me.
Turns out, my suspicions weren’t coming from nowhere.
A girl who knows him sent me a picture that my girlfriend had apparently sent her, showing my girlfriend and this guy in bed together, both topless.
When I confronted my girlfriend, she claimed they had their bottoms on and that nothing happened. However, multiple people in her friendship circle have told me she’s admitted to them that they slept together.
I’ve also seen their messages, including plenty of nudes being exchanged between them.
So, whether she’s willing to admit they had sex to me or not, I know enough to realise that whatever was going on between them wasn’t just some innocent friendship.
The thing is, we haven’t officially broken up.
Where I live, most people seem to think we’re finished. But my girlfriend and her family still seem to think we’re together. Our Facebook relationship status hasn’t even changed.
Recently, she’s started trying to rekindle things with me. She wants us to work things out, but I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.
Part of me still has feelings for her. Four and a half years is a long time, and it’s not as simple as just switching those feelings off overnight.
Another part of me feels like I can’t trust her anymore, especially when she’s still denying that they slept together despite everything I’ve seen and heard.
Here’s where I might be the asshole.
I’ve started using Hinge. I’ve got a date tomorrow and another one arranged for next Friday.
I’m keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length because, if I’m being completely honest, it’s comforting having someone there after being with her for so long. At the same time, I’m meeting other women to see if I can connect with someone else and whether I could actually move on from this relationship.
In a way, I’m keeping my options open because I’m not ready to let go of four and a half years without knowing what else is out there.
I know that probably doesn’t sound great. I also realise that, technically, we haven’t explicitly ended things, and she may believe we’re still trying to work things out.
I’m not pretending I’m handling this perfectly. I’m hurt, confused and trying to figure out what I want.
But I also feel like I’ve spent months questioning myself, being told I was paranoid, and trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, only to discover that my suspicions had a basis.
Now she wants me back, and I’m not sure I want to give her that chance.

So, Reddit, AITA for keeping my girlfriend at arm’s length while dating other women to see if I can move on, rather than officially ending the relationship first?

EDIT: To clarify, I’m not saying I know for certain that they had sex based solely on the picture. I’ve seen their messages and nudes, and multiple people have told me she’s admitted they slept together. She continues to deny it to me.
I’m genuinely unsure whether I want to reconcile or leave. I’m trying to work that out, but I realise keeping her around while exploring other options might not be fair to either of us.

I F18 have been in a relationship with my (M19)long distance love of my life. Lately a friend of mine that im close with has been being physical with me not sexually of course, but playing with my hands or laying on my back while im sitting, anytime im around him he touches me. I have no problems with this as I'm a very touchy person and love affection, but lately ive been noticing theres something more there for me i get nervous when im around him and get excited when i get to see him. Me and my partner have talked about open relationship before but more as in a what if way, and it was more in a sexual matter not romantic. Am i cheating on him or doing something incorectly? Iove my boyfriend so much and he's the first guy to ever treat me with love and respect and genuinley care. Should i talk to him about it or just wait it out?

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I am a 45F, with three children from my previous marriage. A few years ago (after the divorce) I met a fantastic man, 11 yrs younger than me. I immediately told him that if he wanted kids of his own, I'm not the one for him. (My eggs are finito, last 2 kids were ivf).)

He said he was fine with not having kids of his own, as long as he could live a "family life". He is kind of a thinker type, and he said that he already had been thinking that through.

Me, I could not believe this to be true, almost. For me, having kids has been so important, like "meaning of life-important". So I discussed this over and over and over with him until he got to the point where he thought that maybe it was kind of important to have his own bio-kid. So we ended up doing one round of ivf which failed, and I was told the only way I could get pregnant is with donor eggs.

I cried my eyes out, and then I dove into the whole donor conceptand finally embraced the idea. He on the other hand was very sceptical.

Well, a couple of years went by, then he says that he is thinking of donor ivf as an option for real, and that he wants to try.

But now I feel like I am too old, too tired, too busy with my life and my existant kids, to have another child. I have a nice but demanding career and many interests that I finally start to have a little, little time for. I also don't want to be an older mother, and I don't want to risk my health with a pregnancy. I honestly feel done with having small children...

He respect this and he says he wants to stay with me anyway and that he can live with not having his own children. But I notice that he gets sad when we hear discussions about fatherhood, ppl at his workplace becoming dads and so on.

He is fond of my children and a great step dad but I know that, at least right now, they cannot replace having his own kid and experience the immense and instant love one (many at least) feels for your own child.

I hate the feeling that I am the reason he is not getting children. I just don't see how my love could compensate for that and I'm feeling so guilty, like I am ruining his life. I know he is an adult man and can decide for himself but I think he doesn't realise what he's missing...

Should I finish this relationship for his sake?

Throwaway because I’m military and can’t have this affecting my job. Fake names and some details changed because there is still an ongoing legal situation.
I’ll call myself Ryan, my wife Lauren, and the woman involved Megan.
I already know how this is going to sound. I had an affair with our nanny. She got pregnant with twins. A DNA test confirmed they’re mine. I know how bad that looks, but there is more to this than that.
Megan was our live-in nanny. She lived with us, took care of our children, and became someone I trusted more than my own wife.
My marriage to Lauren had been bad for a long time. There were problems at home I don’t want to put on the internet, but I didn’t feel like Lauren cared for the kids the way she should have. I had talked about divorce.
There were also times when Lauren hit me and got physical during arguments. I’m not going to go into every incident, but that was part of what was happening in my marriage.
Megan was different.
She took care of my kids. She knew their schedules, routines, what they liked and what they needed. I trusted her.
I told her I wanted to leave Lauren. I told her I didn’t trust Lauren. I told her I wanted a future with her.
And yes, I told her I wanted a child with her.
At the time, I genuinely believed I was going to leave my wife. I wasn’t just saying those things to get her into bed. We had an actual relationship, and I cared about her.
Then she got pregnant.
With twins.
That’s when everything became real.
I asked for a paternity test because I wanted to know for certain. It eventually confirmed the twins were mine.
Before that even happened, I told Megan I didn’t think I could be the father or partner she expected me to be.
I urged her to have an abortion.
I’m not proud of that conversation, but I’m not going to lie about it either. I told her I didn’t think I could handle having two babies in the middle of everything that was already happening. I was scared it could affect my career and, at the time, I was even worried I could get into serious legal trouble because of the circumstances.
I’m a Christian and have my own beliefs about abortion, but I knew I couldn’t make that decision for her. I told her ultimately it was her decision.
She continued the pregnancy.
At that point, I told her I wasn’t going to be involved in raising the twins.
I know how horrible that sounds. But I was honest with her. I didn’t promise that I would suddenly become a completely different person if she continued the pregnancy. I told her she needed to understand that I wasn’t going to be involved.
She believed I would eventually change my mind.
I didn’t.
I don’t want custody or overnights. I don’t want to be involved in raising the twins, and I don’t want a relationship with them.
That doesn’t mean I hate them. They’re babies. None of this is their fault. I just don’t want the relationship that is being expected of me.
If a court orders me to provide financial support, I’ll deal with that. But I don’t want to be forced into custody or visitation when I’ve made it clear that I don’t want that.
Megan and I were never physically abusive toward each other. We had disagreements and the situation was incredibly emotional, but she never hit me and I never hit her.
The physical abuse I experienced was in my marriage with Lauren.
I know someone is going to ask, “Then why didn’t you just leave?”
Honestly, I don’t have a good answer.
There are kids involved. A house. Finances. Work. Family. A million things that make leaving a marriage more complicated than saying you’re going to do it.
I kept thinking I’d figure it out.
Then Megan got pregnant and everything blew up before I ever did.
Now there are lawyers, court, child support, Family Advocacy, accusations, and people who weren’t there deciding what kind of person I am.
Megan says I promised her a life together and then abandoned her.
I understand why she feels betrayed.
I did tell her I was going to leave. I told her I loved her. I told her I wanted a future with her and a child with her.
Then reality hit and I realized I didn’t want that life anymore.
That’s probably the part that makes me look the worst, but it’s the truth.
I also don’t think it’s fair to act like Megan had no idea what she was getting involved in. She knew I was married. She knew I had children. She knew my marriage was complicated.
She made choices too.
Meanwhile, Lauren is still my wife, and she’s pregnant again.
That’s the family I’m trying to focus on now.
I know how hypocritical that sounds after everything I’ve done. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with Megan over two children I never wanted.
I don’t want custody. I don’t want to pretend to be excited about fatherhood. I don’t want a relationship with Megan. I want my wife and my family, and I want this entire situation to eventually be over.
Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I’m a hypocrite. Maybe I should have left my marriage before getting involved with anyone else.
But I don’t think the version where I’m some calculated monster who intentionally got my nanny pregnant and then threw her away is accurate either.
I made promises I ultimately didn’t keep. I made choices I regret. But I also told her where I stood once the pregnancy happened.
The twins are biologically mine. I know that. I’ll deal with whatever legal responsibilities come with that.
But I don’t want them in my life, and I don’t think pretending otherwise would make anyone better off.
The twins are almost a year old now. I haven’t been involved, and I don’t want to be.
So Reddit, AITA?

I, 19yr female, had big plans for a photoshoot. I, of course, invite my boyfriend, 22yr male, to join me as we do most things together. His dad was going to be in town for the weekend, however it would have only taken a few hours for me to complete the photoshoot. I confirmed with him twice that he would be there. He said yes both times and I was excited for our plans. His dad and brother get to talking about burgers for dinner. Then, as I am leaving for the shoot, he reveals that he isn't going.

Now is a good time to mention that I am Bipolar. Have been all my life, and it is genetic, so it was just bound to happen for me. I am still young, so I have honestly yet to cope with BPD. He is a guy with no mental illness besides ADHD. We have been together for a year and a half and this is our biggest argument by far.

As I was saying, when he told me no, I was calmer than I would have expected, but hurt. So, as I get up to get ready, I start crying. I am crying for the entire time I am getting ready. He goes into his room to talk to me, but I'm done. He had disappointed me beyond levels and I felt as though the switch had went off in my head. *I tell him about how hurt I am and how I will cry the whole way there from this major disappointment. (He later on explained to me that I was manipulative by telling him this)

I go to the car to leave and I am fully in meltdown mode. I don't want to be. I don't want to react this way, or even more so feel this way, but I do. He opens up my door to give me a hug and I, unfairly, have this burst of rage and hate and I start to slowly drive away while he is in my doorway. Now, when I bring up how he really did start this whole fight by not going, he has to counteract this fact by explaining my wrongs and what I did that wasn't acceptable.

The rest is just a huge argument that has impacted our relationship. It might be over for the both of us forever. So, my final question is, AITA for thinking that he should take full accountability for what he has done, and thoroughly apologize to me for what he had done WITHOUT having to tell me about my own behaviors.

Ok so my girlfriend (F23), let's call her "Molly" and I (M29) went out for a few drinks this past Friday at a bar in our town. For some context, we've been dating for 7 months. For the first part of the night, everything was going great and we were having a good time just us. At least I thought it was a good night, she was kind of moping which I thought was weird but whatever.

My girlfriend is a casual and can handle lots of shots and hard liquor, she knows how to pace herself, I don't need to babysit or anything like how guys usually have to. This particular night I'd say it was around midnight when things started to getting weirder and weirder. I've never seen her in this state, she was about 4 or 5 drinks in when she started acting up.

She starts going on and on to the bartender and I about all of her troubles in life and that she's been going through a lot recently. I'm secretly cringing inside, as it is really embarrassing to overshare your whole life story to anyone and everyone even if it's a bar and people do all kinds of odd stuff. That's just not my style to be an embarrassing drunk.

At one point she started yapping about her family dog passing away recently and that she couldn't bare to live without her dog Macy. I could see the bartender's expression kind of wanting her to be done with this whole thing because it is quite humiliating to be around and associate with. Everyone in the place was kind of giving us looks and I was ready to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

I honestly had enough at this point because it was like almost 30 minutes of this bs. Someone had to have put something in her drink or something because it was so strange the way she was acting and I honestly wouldn't be with a girl who acted like this. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt because it's a one time thing but still.

So she's yapping about how much she loved Macy and that it was very sad that she passed from cancer just a few weeks ago since she was a golden retriever and they die from that. After that, I honestly just snap and I don't think when I say this, but I say "Molly shut up about your dog please. We need to go home. This is enough." She looks at me and the bartender slowly just backs away. Then the tears come. I'm like, cmon why are we talking about your dog dying and all this sad stuff to a stranger that couldn't care less. Macy passed like 2 weeks ago, and I just think that's long enough time to not be so distraught and sad.

Maybe what I said was too much, but am I the a hole for that? I feel like that wasn't that crazy to say to her. On the way home, she didn't really speak too much to me and she hasn't the past 5 days and it's already Wednesday night. I don't know if she'll break up with me over that, that could be a possibility like girls can be unpredictable and stuff. I just need honesty and advice about this.

Edit: I DID not say shut up in public for everyone to hear I would not air our business out. The bartender was the only one to hear that other than her. I dont think um as big of an a hole for that but i could be wrong. Also, thanks for the honesty guys i appreciate it.

I'm not going to try to make this too long but I really need to

get this off my chest. I've been with my boyfriend for six

months but our relationship is online because we live so far

away from each other. We used to video call but now we

barely do that anymore. On top of that whenever we talk

about deeper or more serious things he never really gives

me detailed answers. He's also very controlling and there's a

lot of other bullshit I don't even want to get into. His replies

are always so short and it feels like the only thing he

genuinely cares about is Valorant. He barely talks about

anything else and honestly it frustrates me because it feels

like he has no personality outside of that game.

But the thing is I think... no I know I've fallen in love with a

really good friend of mine who's in my class. I love talking to

him. He's so smart and sweet and he genuinely listens to

me. He makes me feel heard and there's just something

about him that makes him seem so perfect to me. But I don't

know if I see him that way because he really is as amazing

as I think he is or if I'm just blinded by my feelings for him.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend has

been acting so childish lately and I'm getting tired of dealing

with it especially since we're both over 18. I want a

relationship where I can have meaningful conversations and

feel heard. I want to actually connect with the person I'm

with.

I would like to break up with him but I honestly don't know

how.. Every time I see my classmate my heart feels like it

skips a thousand beats and I can't keep these feelings

bottled up anymore.I don't know if I should try to fix things

with my boyfriend or finally be honest with myself about

how I feel. I just know I can't keep pretending everything is

okay when it isn't.

Also: Just for clarification I'm the one buying him everything

like Nitro and Valorant stuff because he's broke but still

wants all those items anyway.

I (28m) have been really good friends for a year years now, and we’ve become (in my opinion) best friends within the last year. He (29m) and I are both queer but have never dated or done anything like that, we’ve always been sisters. There was a moment when we first met when we thought we might date but decided against it regardless and have been good friends.

Let’s call him Fred. Fred is a bit of an eccentric person at times but I truly love and value our friendship. There’s just 1 thing, he is very forgetful/not a very organized person. We’re a classic type A and type B friend dynamic. We have spent countless days and nights hanging out and having fun. But he has forgotten my birthday every year we’ve been friends. The first year we were in the middle of a fight and weren’t talking a ton. The second year we were in the middle of recovering from a hurricane that wrecked our town. The last two years I don’t really have an excuse for him. This year particularly I realized he didn’t even have a clue when my birthday was and asked about it a week after.

To his defense he did apologize after I communicated how his forgetting every year hurts my feelings as I always make a big thing out of his birthday. We’ve taken trips for his birthday, gone out to bars and clubs, or held game nights with friends for his birthday every year in the past but he didn’t even have a clue about when mine was.

Should I just accept that he’s not the kind of person who remembers birthdays and it’s not important to him? Or should I take it as a sign that we shouldn’t be as close as we have been? I feel like one year is a fluke and 4 years is a pattern of just not taking me into consideration the way I take him into consideration?

AITA for feeling like we shouldn’t be as close anymore?

I (31F) have a long distance friend (32F) (for privacy reasons I'll call her Star) that I met online. We have met in person during conventions once every one to two years, and we've know each other for nearly a decade now. At first we mostly hung out in online chat groups, until VR started coming around. I was the first of my few friends to get into VR, and Star soon followed.

For context, Star and I were practically joined at the hip online before VR. We were in chat groups on Kik, and at least two Discord Servers. We played tons of video games together in our free time. When we both started playing VR, we got into VRChat and met many, many great people. We've had relationships, we cried at breakups, we formed bonds with new circles of friends. I guess somewhere along the lines, our one circle split into two, her circle that she surrounds herself with, and my circle of friends who I hang out with on the daily when I'm not working.

Now, Star is Unemployed and I work a pretty hectic part time job that just drains the life out of me. Also I should note, I am ADHD/Autistic with severe object permanence, including people. My brain is always wired to the right here, right now. Everything else doesn't exist. It's bad enough that I haven't talked to my parents or my sister in nearly a year since moving across state. My friends stay in my circle because they reach out to me (I'm horrible at instigating conversation because of ADHD and childhood of feeling like being a burden.) THIS IS ALL RELAVANT!

NOW, Star has been pretty much radio silent on Discord for over a year now, and I've drastically cut back on my VR usage due to being too physically tired to get on VR after work, or just want to crash in my chair and play non-vr games. SO, I have Steam open all the time and I can SEE when she's on VRChat, which is every day for 12-18 hours a day. I HAVE tried to message her on Discord to talk, and the conversations are usually:

Me: "Hey Star! How's it going?" or "Was wondering if you'd want to play (Insert game here) sometime?"
Star: "I'm making it" or "Hey. Not right now, I'm in an event on VRC, but maybe later."

Star NEVER reaches out to me, and lately I've been invited by my friends to play games like Vintage Story or Space Marines 2 and just been having fun. On the times where I do join VRChat for my discord server's events (a server she left over a year ago), she'll join me after nearly 3-4 months of radio silence and say "Hey, it's been a while. I feel like we never hang out anymore." But in a way that makes it sound like I'm not putting in the effort. I told her that I'm a discord message away if she ever wants to talk. Now it's gotten to the point where I don't want to hang out with her and I've just stopped reaching out because I feel like I'm going to be guilt tripped for not staying in contact.

AITA? Any advice is welcomed because at this point, I don't know what to do.

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I (26F) have a friend, Scarlet, who considers me her best friend. We have a good friendship, but she often makes me feel stupid under the guise of humour.

I'm not sensitive to jokes. My other friends and I constantly tease each other, and it's mutual without anyone feeling hurt. I tease Scarlet too, but I avoid topics I know she's sensitive about, like her weight and family. Meanwhile, she repeatedly calls my friends “broomsticks” despite me asking her numerous times to stop.

Recently, while looking at cars because I'm learning to drive, she made me feel dumb for asking the salesperson questions. Another time, I told her I had 26 hours of driving lessons in total after my simulator and theory lessons. She misunderstood me as saying I'd do all 26 hours in one day and spent around 45 minutes laughing at me and calling me dumb. I eventually sent her a screenshot of my driving form to clarify what I meant. She also constantly laughs at my singing.

The bigger issue is that whenever I call her out, she sends me an entire list of things she's done for me, as though her good deeds excuse her behaviour. She's extremely wealthy and has a car, and often insists on buying me expensive dinners and driving me places despite my repeatedly saying no. Sometimes, it feels like she tries to buy people's love. I appreciate her generosity, but I don't think spending money on someone means they can't call you out when you hurt their feelings.

Eventually, I told her that she can be rude and that her humour sometimes feels like bullying. She got defensive, saying she never intends to make me feel stupid, that this is normal banter between close friends, and that she doesn't want to walk on eggshells around me.

Now I feel terrible because I never wanted to hurt her or make her feel like she can't be herself around me. I care about her and value our friendship, but I also feel like my feelings should matter.

AITA?

I (21M) broke up with my ex (21F) about a month ago after a four year relationship which was full of love for each other but the spark had kinda died. Before the break-up was decided, we had talked about taking a break for a month or so and I had made it clear that I wouldn't be ok with her doing something with another guy in the meantime. The day of the break-up, I proposed that we take a break for a month or so, and then we could casually meet for a coffee and discuss things from there. She disagreed, saying that in her opinion breaking up would be the better option and I said alright.

Fast forward to a few days ago, we met at her house because I had to get my stuff and of course we talked. She told me that she thought about us and that because we didn't have any fundamental issues during our relationship, that we should try again. But she also mentioned that during this month she had sex with another guy from work. She insisted on how she did it as a reaction to her being alone and that she felt terrible about it. Now the guy wants a relationship with her but she told him no. She continued talking to me about how I was better than any of the guys she met during that period and that I should feel good that she chose me over the coworker. I was shocked and when she asked me to stay the night, I left without confronting her about it. I should also mention that the coworker lived in a different city and that she visited him for the weekend, so it was intentional.

Now, we are to talk in a few days to clear things out. Had this not happened I would have been open to trying again because I really thought that a reset would help our relationship. But now I just feel sad and betrayed. Initially I had no idea on what I should do but as the days go by I lean more towards confronting her about how she completely ruined it for me.

So AITA for feeling this way, given that technically we weren't on a break?

(Sorry for the long post)

I ( F 23) am in a relationship with my boyfriend ( M 25) of almost 2 years, this last year was really tough, from January we started fighting regularly (1 or 2 a week) because we were really busy with work and we let our relationship fall into the same routine, we were really bored with ourselves and each other and this put a lot of stress on our relationship.

I started a new job in February and even if my position was really stressful i found a good job and i enjoyed the environment. I made some friends and i started to hang out with them after work, in June one of my coworkers, Marcus, told me that he was quitting, that evening we hanged out because i wanted to know why, and from then our bond strengthened.

That evening he left me his ig and a couple of days later i texted him about work. From there i’ve seen him alone just one time and i had no interest in him or no clue that he was interested in me. He was NEVER inappropriate in any way and i really appreciate that. Some time passed and Marcus invited me to stay at his chalet with his friends for the weekend, i spoke with my boyfriend and he had no problem since he trusted me and another of my (female) colleague and friend, Sarah, was coming too.

That evening he showed an interest for talking to me but nothing more, I supposed that since i told him i was very anxious with new people i was just being nice. At night him and his friends decided to climb up to the view on the mountain, he asked and i went with because i really like to hike, especially under the stars. his friends left us behind (i was a bit slow) so for the entire trip we were alone but we just talked, he was very nice, the only strange thing was that he asked me to see the dawn, but immediately changed the subject and we never did that.

The morning after, on the way home, i spoke with my friend Sarah and she said that Marcus's sister admitted that he was interested in me. At first i was very offended because i trusted him like a friend and i thought that since he saw that i wouldn’t give him a chance he was going to end our friendship (at the time he knew that i was in a relationship and that we were having trouble so i thought that he was taking advantage of that).

But nothing changed after that so i let it go, after all i don’t find anything wrong with a little crush if you are respectful of my relationship, and i didn’t tell anything to my bf because i didn’t want to make the situation weird and he was going to leave soon.

Some weeks later he invited me and the other coworkers to his goodbye party, but i don’t drink and drive so he proposed to let me and the others sleep at his place. I talked again with my boyfriend, he didn’t cheer but he didn’t have any problems with that as long as i wasn’t alone with him.
I accepted the invitation, we drank together and we went to his place.

Unfortunately the others didn’t feel good after drinking and wanted to go home. Some have gone their own way, but with me there was my friend Sarah and i needed to take her home, i asked her to let me sleep a few hours and she did, but when we woke up i didn’t feel good and she really wanted to go, so i asked Marcus to drive my car. Everything went fine but i couldn’t drive him back home and then return to my home because i wasn’t in the condition, the only thing we could do was sleeping at his place, at the time he was moving so he didn’t even have a mattress and we had to sleep on the same couch.

At the time i felt neglected by my bf, we didn’t hang out much and we were always fighting because he didn’t give me any attention.
To not make the situation worse i never told him this happened, but i have to admit that i felt something for Marcus and in the opposite situation i would feel cheated on.

AITA for not telling him and continuing to see him? Should i tell him now or just forget and focus on the future?

My longterm, unemployed boyfriend has historically had sex with me and left me to orgasm on my own after with toys. After years of resentment building, I told him that I won't engage in sexual activity unless he meets my needs first (by giving me oral sex). He has done this for two weeks, but we had an argument about him leaving rubbish around the house but still gaming and he told me he's not happy with the current arrangement and wants me to be able to give to him without receiving. I don't feel like giving him a handjob/blowjob - it leaves me sexually frustrated and having to masturbate on my own after which is somewhat triggering for me given the years of sexual neglect

For context, we're both female, and we've been dating over a year now. She's always been a little overbearing but I didn't mind since I know hse has abandonment issues due to childhood incidents, however in the past 2 weeks or so she's been forcing me to cut off one of my closest friends. I met this guy 3 years ago, we got along, and I see him like a brother, annoying af, but still someone I care for. Ever since she's gotten to know him more, she's complained about him, to me. At first, i didn't mind because, like I said, he's annoying, but he's still a kind person and fun to be with. Recently, however, she told me that she didn't like how he was touchy, I mean, we play fight a lot, I can't deny that, so I told him to stop. Then she told me to stop talking to him all at once. I pushed back, saying I didn't want to, and she told me that I had a choice. But the thing is, I didn't. The obvious right awnser was to cut him off. So I made a compromise, I'd talk to him when she wanst around and when she was I wouldny, which in hindsight was stupid af, she figured it out. She later told me she recently had a dream that I was making out with him and that's why she didn't like it (and to her he's unstandable) but I'm lesbian, always will be. But what got me the most upset was the fact she had a crush on one of her closest friendsnfor 2 whole years, the double standards are killing me, but in the end i had no choice but to just cut him off. I felt bad because he seemed super upset, but atlewts my gf wasn't mad. However, today, I asked him to please move his things as he was hugging the items area. She saw this and avoided me the rest of the day. She's mad and saying how nothing will ever change and how she trusted me. I get why she's upset, I broke her trust, but I don't like how I'm expected to give everything up for her while she gets to have everything. Anyways, I need to know if I'm the wrong, and more importantly, what to do. Thank you <3

Edit: Sorry for all the typos I was typing super quickly lol

Last week my husband (28M) showed me (28F) some gear his work is selling for October. He showed me and asked if I wanted anything. I said no but thank you. I’m currently in between jobs so we don’t need to buy unnecessary things.

Well today he went ahead and bought a company branded unisex polo shirt. He originally wanted to buy the polo for himself but his size was gone so he got one for me. Apparently other ladies at his job were asking to buy it from him because it was the last shirt in its size but he turned them. He brought it home all excited to show me. That’s when I kinda went off on him. I told him I already said no last week so the fact he bought it was manipulative.

Because now I’m the bitch for not wanting to wearing it and feeling guilty after I already told him no. I also said gifts should be for the person you’re gifting them to not for yourself. He was kinda calling me crazy for not even trying it on or being happy he got me something. He said something like “you think your reaction makes me want to get you more gifts?” He does this often, is the nice guy, and wants to also be the one to be like “here I got you a gift”. Which in theory is great and I do want to appreciate it but the gifts and how they make me feel are always kinda off. I’m not sure if I’m describing it the correct way because my intention is not to be spoiled, entitled, or disrespectful. But I’m never left with wow this is great I really wanted or needed this. And it makes my emotions feel all over the place.

On my end though I did blow up on him because it was kinda my last straw. I did say some not so kind things. One of which is “if you want someone to get on their knees and thank you for the gracious gift you should find someone else and if you need to put me in the box (metaphorical box in his head) as a bitch go ahead”

Context: together since 19 (high school friends), long distance as we both went to colleges out of state, moved in and living together since 22, married at 26. We have a dog and 2 cats together. We’ve tried couples counseling a few times and it was too expensive for us to continue.

Me(F16) and my girlfriend (F18) have been dating for over a year now and we both come from very abusive and toxic relationships. We both know how hard it is but still said we’ll work on ourselves in order to make this relationship last.

Though, as much as I try to help and accept her decisions, she’s not doing anything that could actually help our relationship.

And what I mean by that is, she most likely has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and a lot of other mental health problems, but she doesn’t go to therapy. No matter how many solutions I try to search up for her, no matter how I try to help her, whenever it comes to getting actual professional help she comes up with excuses in order to avoid it.

Example: After I finally convinced her to talk to her mom about it, her mom offered her to go to therapy. Later she came up with the excuse that her mother no longer has the money. Which I would understand, of course. So, my mother also tried to help her and sent her multiple links to free therapy events nearby, and she still came up with excuses not to go. And when I asked her if they have something like a school therapist in her college, she told me they don’t so that’s not possible either.

What I find really weird? After a few months she tells me that she reached out to her school counselor and they help her with that kind of stuff. Which means, she lied to me when I asked if her college has that?

Well, I didn’t ask about it because I was finally happy she actually wanted to start working and improving on her mental health, but now she’s coming up with MORE excuses to not go.

I have communicated with her multiple times about how this is an issue and I don’t feel comfortable in this relationship considering she heavily depends on me and I’m the only one that knows about her really heavy issues, and she always seemed to acknowledge it at first but then refuses to actually get help and brushes it off.

I’ve been thinking about breaking up with her over this if she doesn’t get help soon due to her purposely putting my mood down and dumping heavy shit on me, but I’d feel like an asshole since I promised her that I’d be with her no matter how hard it gets and be there to help her.

So am I just an asshole and impatient for wanting to break up with her over this?

I (F19) met Paul (M19) when we were both 17. What started casually turned into a long-distance relationship when I moved abroad. From the beginning, our relationship was toxic. We constantly fought and broke up, often because he would randomly question our future together, call me a liar, or tell me he didn’t like the person I was. He would then cry, apologize, promise to change, and convince me to come back.
Things got even worse when I discovered, after more than a year together, that he had lied about having an ex-girlfriend. I was actually his first, but he had spent our entire relationship making up stories about this imaginary ex, even giving me details about their sex life. Considering how often he accused me of lying, this felt especially humiliating.
After that, we both started initiating breakups constantly. We would get back together, promise things would be different, and repeat the same cycle. Eventually, I became so exhausted that I stopped answering his calls. After some time, he stopped trying too, and we finally broke up. That was eight months ago.
Three weeks ago, his best friend Joe (M19) called to tell me Paul had died in a sudden accident. I initially couldn’t believe it, so I called Paul’s mother, with whom I’d always had a good relationship. It was true.
The day after I found out, Joe and I went on an eight-hour walk, talking about Paul, sharing memories, and remembering all the funny things he used to do. It brought back so many memories I’d forgotten. We had good moments too, despite how awful our relationship was.
After that, I struggled to sleep, eat, or focus on anything. At the funeral, I mostly felt sorry for his family. It was heartbreaking seeing people I’d known and loved grieving someone who died so young.
Eventually, I realized that I was grieving his death, not our relationship. I feel sorry that he never got to experience the future he could have had, and I wish his family didn’t have to go through this. But I don’t miss him. If he came back, I’d maybe want one conversation for closure, but I would never want him back in my life. I don’t consider him an important or good person in my story, and I’m not pretending our relationship was something it wasn’t. I’ve been genuinely happy these past eight months, and I’m grateful I got out of that relationship.
Meanwhile, Joe and I stayed in touch. Initially, we mostly talked about Paul and our experiences with him, but gradually we started talking about our own lives, opinions, and everyday things. We have a lot in common, and I genuinely enjoy his company. I also feel understood by him in a way I haven’t experienced with other guys.
A few days after the funeral, we went for a walk, and when it started raining, we went to his house. His mom offered to let me stay the night since I live in another city. We talked, drank some wine, and ended up sleeping together.
Since then, we’ve spent even more time together, and I really like him. We both enjoy each other’s company, can talk for hours, and feel a strong physical and emotional connection. We’ve discussed how strange the situation is and wondered whether we’re experiencing some kind of trauma bonding.
I’ve never met a guy who seems so interested in me as a person, not just physically. And honestly, the physical chemistry is great too, which makes it difficult to imagine going back to being just friends.
I know it’s only been three weeks since Paul died, and Joe was his best friend. I don’t know whether this could turn into a healthy relationship, but part of me really wants to find out. Joe and Paul have very different personalities, and I don’t want to assume that dating Joe would be anything like dating Paul.
But I feel ashamed even admitting that I want this. I’m Paul’s ex, Joe was his best friend, and Paul has only been dead for three weeks. I can’t imagine telling my friends about this without sounding like a terrible person.

So, am I an asshole for wanting to date my dead ex-boyfriend’s best friend so soon after his death?

I recently got divorced in July and thought that I might be ready to start dating because the emotional aspect of my marriage was not really there for the last 2 years of my marriage. I ended up getting into a long distance situationship with someone who I've been friends with for 3 years and gamed with like 4x per week and it felt like it was going decent, but I've been going to therapy and expressing to my therapist that I feel like I'm being put into a situation where my boyfriend wanted a lot of control over me which I didn't like. He agreed it was probably for the best to not be in a relationship for the time being, while I work on my mental health and setting boundaries.

The controlling situations include: asking me to stop drinking because it was impactful to his sobriety (which I was fine with) but not being willing to quit smoking weed in return because it makes me uncomfortable, never wanting to discuss living near each other in the future, trying to tell me what I can and can't do for work (I work online selling content and he's known this throughout our entire friendship), asking me to quit smoking cigarettes, getting upset if I don't spend "enough" time with him throughout the week (i.e. if I chose to game with my friends rather than game with him, it's an issue.) and not allowing me to take space if I'm feeling emotionally overwhelmed and saying I have to communicate to him when I'm not feeling well.

I understand that most of what he was wanting to be changed wouldn't have negative impacts to my life (outside of the work one) but I told him I felt like maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship because of how restrictive those requests felt, to which he didn't respond well and said he'd just move out here immediately because "eliminating the distance would solve these problems." I said no to this, and said I just need time, and now he is telling me he is probably going to drink again and that I was "never there for him." I understand he's hurt, but I am not sure how to react here.

So... Am I the asshole?

Hi, recently me and my girlfriend have gotten in a pretty bad argument. for context, I (21m) have been dating this girl (18f) for five months now and she's never been jealous or anything. The issue is that she found some gifts from my ex that I still kept in my room, and our pictures in my wallet. I explained to her that it was a long relationship and that I still need to process everything, and she understood the situation. I obviously tried to put everything away so that she actually sees that I'm over my ex. Yesterday she was wandering on my instagram page and she accidentally found an old post of me and my ex singing together, and she got offended. Is she being unreasonable?

I, 24 female have been with my 23 male bf for over 2 years. We’ve had some bumps in our relationship, and I have wanted to end our relationship multiple times for other reasons. But this last situation has left me feeling super uneasy about our relationship as a whole
We just went to a wedding together where he was my +1. I paid for our flights and hotel, which cost about $3000 for the two of us. He bought a suit because he did not have one that was for weddings. Other than that, he did not pay for anything else. All other expenses I paid for. The bride and groom were family friends, and I was there also with some family, but I did not know really anyone else. I was super excited to have him be there with me as my +1 to have someone talk to throughout the weekend events and also dance with me. There was a welcome dinner and a reception dinner. For both of those nights, he refused to dance with me. I am super bubbly and love to dance. He said he would do one slow dance with me, but he never did. I got really sad because literally every single person was on the dance floor except us out of 200 people at this wedding. I asked him constantly if he would dance with me, and he would say no. He would then turn his back towards me and just stare off into the distance. I asked him why he wouldn’t dance with me, and he said that he’s a bad dancer and his family tells him that he is embarrassing to watch. He said that he needs to be good at something before he doesn’t in front of an audience. I reminded him that we don’t know anyone at this wedding, and this would be the perfect opportunity for him to learn how to dance and just have some fun. Again, he would not dance with me at all and told me that if I wanted to dance, I should just go dance by myself. Of course, I did not wanna dance by myself. I wanted to dance with the person I brought as my date. After he refused to dance, it was super awkward between the two of us, and he wouldn’t even talk to me at the rest of the reception. I felt completely isolated and alone. I later asked if there is anything I could do to convince him to dance, and he said that he would dance with me next time if I paid for him to get dance lessons. Couple days after the wedding, I brought this up again, saying that I wish he had danced with me. He told me to drop it and got super upset with me. He said he didn’t wanna talk about the issue any further, and that it was in the past to just let it go. I’m really upset by the whole thing, and given our entire relationship, it seems like such a small thing to break up with someone over, but it really hurt my feelings, and I’m so sad that we did not dance.