It gets a little annoying over time tbh, too many people are like that. Especially the part that if they can't relate, they think this problem couldn't possibly exist, so they think it's okay to completely dismiss someone's experience and needs.
It's especially bad with "invisible issues", it's much harder to tell a person with a broken leg to "just walk normally".
My dad repeatedly telling me to try harder to be early to leave (we go shopping every week at the same time) and every week Iām late no matter how hard I seem to try, Iāve tried explaining it and nothing ever seems to get in, so heās just mad at me, every week.
That's pretty much exactly my experience as well lol. The worst part imho is that you try hard, and even try to explain yourself, but they just don't understand and think/feel like you don't care or something and get annoyed. And it being a constantly repeated experience is what really gets me. I am kinda curious to hear your perspective
P.s. have you tried crippling anxiety about being late? Works "every time 50% of the time" /jk
I never get the anxiety welp, I think that why Iām always late, I always have confidence that this will be the time I make it and never do. And the repetition is definitely the worst, itās like people canāt hear you. Iāve tried explaining what itās like to my dad ten times over, never makes a difference..
Yeah that really sucks :-( Anxiety is my main driver, it got me through university and deadlines, not sure what i would do without it lol. Also thank you for mentioning it, it feels very validating, that's it's not just me. It hurts when he doesn't hear you repeatedly, but at least there are people who can understand and relate... Btw, you've got a cool nickname xD
I might try to give you a small advice. You probably tried all that, so sorry if i just repeat what you already tried xD. And you might be struggling with a different aspect of it, so it may be completely useless lol. What i struggle with is forgetting and starting prepping last moment. But what helps me is check maps beforehand, check leave home time, and account for things i need to do before leaving + a big chunk of time for making sure I have enough time.
Basically listing all things (e.g. shower, dress up, put shoes on, heat up car, whatever) and then do them with timer once, so I know how much it actually takes (so i don't feel too confident until the last moment every time, "ehh, I have plenty of time"), plus a bit of spare time. And then I have multiple alarms for a) when i need to start prepping, b) when its almost time but i have time, and c) when i need to leave (10 mins in advance).
Plus I always put such events in Calendar event, so you get reminded in advance (multiple reminders: 30min, 2 hours, 1 day before, whatever works)
Itās all good, I donāt mind reading. And thanks, I got the name by misreading the title of a song I liked and thought it sounded good lol. And yeah the dismissal and lack of understanding sucks, careful talking about any of this in non neurodivergent spaces, people can be really fucking mean about it and refused to understand..
And seems like you have similar issues to me with getting ready, I do almost all of that welp. I have never recorded how long it takes me to do things though, Iām always in to much of a rush but it would almost certainly help to know exactly how long it takes rather then how long I think it takes. Prepping is also huge, Iāve been slacking on it recently not bothering which doesnāt help, because then Iām left panicking not knowing what to wear while the timer runs out oof.
Thanks! The misreading part is too relatable, but I love this happy accident lol. Yeah, Iāve had some experience with non-neurodivergent spaces, and well, didnāt like it very much...
Yeah, seems like weāre dealing with similar bs. I wish I could be more helpful lol, but I hope something eventually makes things a bit easier for you. Also, honestly sometimes the best thing you can do is just give yourself some slack and accept that you donāt have to fix everything, even if itās frustrating.
I basically try to have everything ready the night before. I wish I didnāt have to do all this, but it helps me immensely. I also have a checklist for leaving the house and a small organizer pouch with essentials (keys, glasses, earplugs, powerbank, etc.) that always stays in one dedicated spot, so I can just grab it and go, instead of looking for stuff. Well, unless I put something "back" somewhere else and forget about it lol. And I prepare my clothes in advance so I donāt have to think about what to wear while the clock is running out. But yeah, to each their own lol.
Honestly, life sometimes feels like spending years trying to figure out how your own brain works because somehow you managed to lose the manual...
Bit of a personal question, if you donāt mind, of course. Did you always suspect you were neurodivergent, or was it more of a gradual realisation over time?
Defo need to prep more lol, I need to wake up earlier too, sleep schedule is a mess.
Big post incoming, sorry lol, I have a lot to say on your question. Get ready for my life story lol.
Ehh itās complicated. I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was 7/8, so technically Iāve always known I was neurodivergent but I never saw it that way, the word didnāt exist then either, so to me I was just dyslexic, and tbh dyslexia is a completely different type of neurodivergence.
So to answer it with neurodivergent just meaning ADHD and Autism, well thatās also complicated.. I was scared growing up of being it, as I was already bullied and after the dyslexia diagnosis I was worried that it impacted social relationships. I researched it and found out it didnāt, so in my mind I was okay and still normal and the reason I was bullied was just bad luck. Things kept happening though and occasionally I would consider it, but mainly out of fear of being it. By the end of school I was very much the weird eccentric girl who didnāt wear shoes and used a dip pen and ink in class. Itās funny looking back how obvious it was, and even annoying that no teacher considered it, especially the special ed ones Iād see for my dyslexia accommodations.. but I myself wouldnāt go on to consider it properly until university.
University hit me like a truck, I was struggling with deadlines endlessly and it just kept getting worse, eventually I googled it and found a guy talking about ADD and I was like holy shit, thats me. Thats when I found out, struggled a bit with it after being scared of it for so long, but I digress. I spoke to my councillor about it and yet again someone else failed me, she bullshitted to me that I couldnāt access diagnosis and that it would do nothing anyway, so I dropped it and stopped thinking about it till now, when Iām finally seeking help for it. Could have been diagnosed and medicated while still at uni if not for her, instead of finally seeking it out in my late 20s.
So to simply answer your question, Iāve low-low-key always suspected it, but didnāt know till everything started collapsing.
Tl;dr: I didn't really know until recently. And your experience is very relatable
+++ for the sleep schedule welp
No worries lol, tysm for sharing. Sorry in advance if my reply turns into another life story lmao. Also, āGet ready for my life storyā has no business being this relatable, as well as the āso in my mind I was okay and still normal, and the reason [...] was just bad luckā part.
I was pretty active and impulsive as a kid, and sometimes I wish I could control what comes out of my mouth. I've lost some good connections because of things I've said without thinking, or just oversharing. I also had a habit of teasing people or impulsively challenging what they said, without really thinking about it. Not in a mean-spirited way or with any bad intentions, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself, and it got me into trouble. But neither my parents nor I had any idea.
I'm 21, and I didn't have a clue until my second year of uni, even though I'd always had my struggles. Also because I moved to a different country, so there's that. My first year was relatively easy thanks to my high school background, so I could slack off, leave everything until the last minute, and still pass exams. But longer, more complex assignments were a different story. Turns out the last-minute superpower has its limits lol. Things got much harder in my second and third years, and I kinda compensated by sacrificing my social life and going through periodic burnouts.
I'm also generally pretty closed off, so opening up and exchanging experiences with people can be difficult. And maintaining relationships is a whole other thing. It's weird because socialising can be genuinely enjoyable, but also incredibly exhausting, even with people I like. Even going to a pub can be a bit much, though Loop earplugs have been a HUGE help.
At some point, a teacher who knew me reasonably well approached me and said he suspected I had ADHD and should look into getting diagnosed. He's an ADHDer himself, has kids with ADHD, and has helped quite a few students at our uni get diagnosed. I initially dismissed it, since I knew very little about mental health in general, but eventually I had my own āholy shit, that's meā moment. Honestly, I'm really glad he said something. Big W for him, and for ADHD creators like How to ADHD and Late Bloomers, and this sub lmao.
Anyway, I'm curious about something you mentioned. Looking back, do you feel like you were masking or trying to fit in for most of your life? And has learning about neurodivergency more broadly changed how you see your childhood and those social experiences? No pressure to answer, just curious how that been for you
P.S. Yo, but not wearing shoes is so comfy though. I wish it were more socially acceptable outside the house, and I have NO IDEA why it isn't. Especially sitting in an office for 8 hours a day, even comfy sneakers get annoying. You might also wanna look into barefoot shoes, they're awesome. But that's a rabbit hole, be warned xD
P.P.S. Wow, that's still a biiiiit long, sorry š«¤
I applied for a diagnosis about 1.5 years ago, but the process has been a bit of a mess. My appointment finally came around, only for me to discover that my insurance wouldn't cover the clinic because they had no contract with them. Apparently, that's a ā¬3,000 surprise. So now I'm waiting, again
We have a Dutch saying, āvan het kastje naar de muur gestuurd wordenā, basically being sent from one place to another without getting anywhere. It's especially frustrating when the very thing you're struggling with is executive function, and you don't have much support
Lol itās alright, I was busy yesterday and just didnāt have time to read through it, Iām glad you said all you said though.
Funny how we both found out in uni, your experience is mad relatable, mine went a very similar way, even with the waves of burnout and gradually getting worse over the years. Itās like the structure of school falls aways and everything else falls apart. Your professor arounds like a great guy though, Iām glad he was there to push you in the right direction. And youāre right on these spaces, the sub has been a godsend for me lol. My professor did pull me a huge favour at one point, he lied about when I haded my coursework in, it was late but he didnāt tell the exam board. Never gonna not love him for that.
And yeah diagnosis is a bitch, thats a fucking expensive price they wanted you to pay though, jesus, especially after a long wait. Iām at the very start of mine, Iām going through this NHS right to choose thing, but the huge surge in people looking for assessment is making the wait times long, I imagine itās the same problem over there.. everything is so underfunded.
And to answer your question, I donāt know..
When I was a kid I didnāt feel like I was masking but at the same time I remember copying a close family friend of my mind who was more popular, like even buying the same build-a-bear as her and giving it the same name..
As I got older the bullying lessoned but never went away, and I started to realise the more confident I was the less theyād fuck with me. By the end of school I was very proudly out and weird, I figured the people who didnāt like or accept me were never going to change their minds, so fuck em.
For socialising itās weird, I didnāt use to struggle but I do now as my social skills atrophied after uni. I still enjoy it but itās more stressful, if I did it more it would be better but my social life is very not good, and I really wish it wasnāt..
Honestly I feel like Iām masking now more than I ever have, because deep down I struggle to accept who I am, which is fucked. I know itās a side effect of my school life and still quietly wishing I could be cool and liked and normal, and for a time after uni I felt like I was that, now it feels like I was deluding myself. My confidence and identity have been on a downward spiral this year, itās part of what sparked me to finally seek help and diagnosis.
What about you? Did you feel like you were masking? And what about now, like now you know? The loops sound good, Iāve never tired anything like, I get ads all the time for them tho. And big up slippers, if I ever work in an office theyāre gonna have to pry my slippers from me if lol.
90
u/Tricksybelle 4d ago
Lmao my manager said "not everything needs a diagnosis. It's just bad behaviour".
But I don't want to behave badly. I just can't help it sometimes š