We recently moved to Connecticut, and I found out something mind blowing to me:

They have their own state FMLA laws.

12 weeks of job protection (same as federal). However, it takes effect AFTER 3 MONTHS and doesn't have exceptions for employer size.

You mean, I don't have to make sure I don't have a kid until after a year of a new job (and work for a big enough company) to be legally safe from bias? (Because seriously, why is FMLA eligibility longer than pregnancies?!) Not to mention other FMLA-qualifying events.

Are you kidding me?? This is an option?? Somehow I had only thought of this as a federal political fight.

I had heard of state paid leave, which is amazing, too. But state-level protected family leave I had never heard discussed. I've stayed at sucky jobs I hated to make sure I had protection and parental leave eligibility when waiting for adoption and waited to start fertility treatments after new jobs to make sure I would get protected leave if they worked.

We moved from a red state that touts being family focused while doing so little for parents or kids. I'm grateful we finally got to move but pissed this is something I didn't even think of or know was possible. I mourn for friends and family and mentees I left behind. They deserve better, too.

Like enough with waiting for federal to shape up. States could actually be making this happen everywhere.

Anyone else have that Michelle Wolf comedy special playing in their head on repeat about how “women can have it all”?

I don’t want to have it all.

I work full time, plus a part time 1099 consulting gig, all WFH. My husband also works full time, but he travels 60-80% (and recently 100%) of the time for work.

We both work demanding jobs and make roughly equal. I make ~double his base salary, but he makes up the difference in commission. And yet it’s all on me. I schedule and take our daughter to her drs appointments, I manage every single household vendor from pest control to landscaper, and I do everything in the house for the often back-to-back weeks he is traveling; dishes, daycare drop off/pick up, midnight wakes, and more. And I breastfeed/pump which is just a whole other beast.

I’m so tired.

Today he told me that I could delegate tasks to him while he’s on the road, like calling the pest control company (he heard me on the phone with them this morning). You all know the talk. All I had to do was tell him what to do and he’d be happy to do it - how was he supposed to know otherwise that it needed to get done? It’s not like he’s on the joint email where all our invoices come from the pest control company, or that he hasn’t also heard the sounds of rodents in our walls. And obviously it would then be my responsibility to follow up at least weekly for the next few weeks until he finally got it done, and ultimately spend more time and energy trying to get him to do it than if I had just done it in the first place.

So then cue the “Well if you don’t give me the opportunity to help I can never prove to you that I can do it.”

Dude.

I had receipts. I sent him every instance of me asking him to do something when he’d dropped the ball this year. They were all pretty big, showed me doing multiple follow ups, and nothing happening. And those are just the ones that made it into our text chain. The most egregious of which was when I asked him to switch our home insurance company (long story) and he didn’t do it. I had to follow up for weeks, after explicitly stating that I was feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate him taking it off my plate, and then he finally did it the day our insurance lapsed. And the way it works means that we didn’t have coverage for that day which was a PITA to deal with.

Today I finally told him I was done giving him opportunities to “prove himself”, to which I was told that’s a huge red flag for him. My freaking red flag should have been the 1,001 times before this I’ve asked him for help and then that ended up being more work than just doing it myself. I don’t have the energy or the will power to project manage him right now. Maybe in like three years.

He’s my fiancé, but regardless. He works full time and so do I. We have two kids, 6 & 2 yrs old. He is Monday through Friday, gets home by 3:30 with the kids, and I do 4 10 hour days Wednesday- Saturday.

He truly thinks that he doesn’t need to do anything around the house. It was his idea to get not one, but TWO cats and I buy the food, change the litter, clean the food and water dishes. Do all our dishes. He leaves food out and wrappers everywhere. If the kids make a mess of their food or toys, he just leaves it- so I come home to a disgusting cluttered home. He doesn’t do laundry, sometimes he will but only his clothes and then he takes them and dumps them once clean all over our bedroom floor. I used to fold and hang them up for him then put them away, but it’s time consuming and I have mine and the kids clothes to worry about. I hate how it just takes up literally our entire bedroom floor though.

He leaves his food in a Tupperware for months.. I refuse to open them it’s so gross to me, so I’ve just thrown some of it away after asking him multiple times to throw it in the trash and wash it out himself. Is it that hard?

One of the cats sprays all over the place because he never had him fixed. I had to finally set the appt and pay for it (again, his idea to have the cats) so I’m constantly having to track down where the spray is and clean that which has been killing my mental health. He sprayed my comforter the other night and I’ve asked him to go wash it because he hasn’t even had to go to work the last few days and he hasn’t. So I’ve been sleeping with some small shitty blanket.

What else… he trims his beard over the sink or above the floor looking into the mirror and leaves the hair everywhere. It’s just disgraceful. He sees me come home, have to make dinner, give the kids a bath and he’s either in the room watching baseball or working on his puzzles, in a whole other world. I’ve said can’t you help? Wait until the kids go to bed? He says I must hate being a mom. No, I love it so much but why am I doing it alone?

Even in the morning, I have to get myself, the kids up and dressed so I can go to work and bring them to school & daycare, he just sits on his phone or at the table watching.

The days I work I’m home at 6:30pm and it’s straight to bedtime routine and dinner and I am very overwhelmed. I have to do all this myself. I’m also a full time college student thankfully it’s all online. But yeah I’m just drowning and he doesn’t care.

He even has the nerve to say I don’t do anything if he thinks I skipped out on something. Has anyone else dealt with this? Why does he think he’s the only one that can do nothing? WE BOTH HAVE JOBS! he says he’s tired after work… ME TOO

I've been a super messy person my whole life. I'm the kind of person who will get distracted and put something down wherever I happen to be standing. I step over piles without really noticing them. It's gotten 10x worse with kids. I'm making this post because my husband blames me for the house being messy even though we both work.

I do 99% of the cooking, meal planning, and shopping. He will do dishes maybe once a week, but only the dishes, not other putting away food and things that I do when I clean up the kitchen. I think he resents that when I cook I make a huge mess in the kitchen. The other things that makes a huge mess is feeding the kids, which is also my job. I don't seem to be capable of feeding the kids (4 and 1) without tons of containers and dishes appearing on the counter and food all over the floor. So yeah I am causing the kitchen mess because I'm in charge of the food, but I also feel like that is a full time job..

We have a house cleaner that does bathrooms and floors. Laundry is maybe 70:30. When he does laundry, he puts it in the washer, and then I have to manage drying and folding and putting away. Folding and putting away is the hard part!

He gets really annoyed about the clutter everywhere. It's constant and really bad. I'm not good at throwing things away. He gets mad at me because I will let the kids make a mess with their toys on the floor. There's already toys everywhere and I'm too tired to care.

I manage all the mental load stuff like making appointments, school paperwork, home inventory. He does house repairs and yard work.

I'm just annoyed about his attitude. I wish if he cares so much he works just clean more. I always planned to have a successful career, which I do. But some part of me thought that would exempt me from also doing the majority of housework.

I’m starting work at 3.5 months and I’m pissed. Maybe it’s hormones? My job is flexible, decent and I love my boss, and yet still I’m pissed I have to start working so soon. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom but I’d like to stay with him until he’s at least six months? I came back to an email from HR asking me to confirm I started work, and if not they’d take my benefits away. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Projects I left evolved into things I don’t recognize and have already got defensive emails back when I politely asked how things changed course while I was gone. Others just got neglected by people that were supposed to take them over. I just want to go cry in a cave and go hang with my baby.

I try my best to not show my 5 & 4 year old that deep down, I am fighting for my life. I go to work everyday to “try” to provide for them & get us out of this mess that their father put us in. We finally should be out of this Women’s shelter tomorrow & I should be happy but the feeling of not failing them is always in the back of my head.

We have started completely over except the 4 bags we brought with us. My 5 year old has been adjusting to his new school for a couple of weeks now and everything has been going okay for the most part. One of his classmates mom gave me an invitation after school yesterday for her son’s birthday party Saturday. It’s at a trampoline park . He was so excited to tell me about it & that’s all his friends were talking about it. Leave it to me to let him know that we most likely won’t be able to go because I simply can’t afford it. I’m barely keeping my head above water. We are visiting food pantries almost daily, what little money I make has gone into this apartment, I’ve been wearing the same tennis shoes from the Goodwill for the past few weeks because I can’t purchase a decent pair. I HATE disappointing my kids. They deserve the world, especially with what they have gone through.

We have court next week & I have to see their father’s face… he filed a motion for a custody agreement but I doubt that will be granted after we show the judge the police documents & hospital bill where he broke my nose. I’m trying to survive. I want to make sure my babies know that we will be okay soon. It’s just rough right now.

The owner/director self reported a teacher for inappropriate touching. This was not a teacher either of my kids had but apparently they were a floater. It was noted that anyone involved would have already been contacted and/or received a letter. We did not get anything. I contacted CPS directly to confirm if my children were included in the report. They said no they did not have my children's names but they took our info in case the investigated revealed anything. CPS directly had all good things to say about how the owner and other teachers at the center are handling this. They said usually daycares try to hide things like this and not report. But they are all being cooperative and that says alot. My husband thinks it okay to send my child back to his teachers even while the investigation is still pending and does not want to switch. WWYD?

To start, my daughter was refused on her first day of daycare in July because she cried for longer than expected. We left at 8:30am and were told that she adjusted to us being gone very quickly. We even received cute hourly photos and updates from the lady running the daycare! Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but at 10:50am we received a call explaining that our daughter was crying too much and disturbing the other kids. We got there and were told that this amount of crying was unhealthy, that she’s just not ready for daycare and to try next year. Apparently she only stoped crying when she was held but the lady explained that she couldn’t hold her the whole time (which is understandable).

The reason I’m reaching out and asking for advice is because I want to start her at a different daycare in the middle of November and I need help understanding how to get her prepared. We had a meeting today with the new daycare and they let us hangout for an hour to help my daughter get adjusted. She freaked out a little but calmed down when she started flipping through books and playing with a light-up ball. She mostly seemed distressed by the kids (there were 3 present) and would cry when she remembered they were there. I feel like being around more kids would help her but she is the first baby in my family in the last 10 years and none of our friends have kids. Maybe I could bring her to the park?

To clarify, I am not looking for hired help. I also have no family that lives close by and all my friends either work full time or are attending college classes. I desperately need to start working because I have medical issues/expenses.

If you guys have any suggestions please don’t hesitate to comment 🙏

My work day just began and it is poop already. We all woke up late and I went to get our toddler from the room. Our child, the one I love more than anything/anyone, the one I am doing all this for, runs past me to tell Dad good morning and give him a hug and kiss. Nothing for Mom, again…like most days. My child will hug and kiss Dad unprompted all day, but cannot kiss or hug me with a gentle prompt most times.

I’m happy our child has another parent they can love and trust this much. It’s just hard feeling like I’m a very dedicated servant who plays with them , reads to them, takes them on outings, dresses them, cleans their room, washes their clothes, and plans for their financial future. And now I have to dry my tears and get started replying to emails.

Advice welcome. This sucks :(

I’m trying to figure out the most practical childcare arrangement for my family and would love to hear what has worked for others in similar situations. I’m also trying to figure out how to best avoid burnout for the childcare provider

Our situation:

- I wfh on Mondays and Fridays, but I still need childcare from 8am to 5pm on those days
- Tuesday thru Thursday, I have to go into the office. My commute is 1.5 hrs each way, so I’m potentially away from home for 12 hrs a day
- My husband travels during the week, so I need an arrangement that doesn’t depend on him being home to help
- We have a 3 month old

A couple of options:

1. Hire two nannies: one to cover Monday and Fridays, and another to cover Tuesday thru Thursday. I understand I’d be paying the Tues to Thurs nanny overtime
2. Hire one nanny to do all the shifts: honestly this is way too much work for one person and i think it will lead to higher burnout
3. Daycare on M/Fri and nanny on Tues to Thurs: the only thing i don’t like about this is that my baby could get sick at daycare and I’d be the only parent who could take care of him
4. Any other setups i should consider? We don’t have enough space for a live in nanny or au pair

Unfortunately, my in laws live out of state. My parents provide occasional baby sitting but cannot provide the regular childcare that we need

It seems like my kids didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to stop getting constant illnesses. It’s normally not quite this bad but it’s still not great. I’m actually kind of impressed that neither my partner or I caught anything so far in this round.

3 weeks ago my 3 year old got gastro, followed a couple of days later by his 6 year old sister. Week later 6 year old threw up once again (think it was food poisoning, no one else caught it and she was fine the next day but still automatic 2 days off school). This week my 3 year old develops a facial rash so trip to the doctor to see whats up (likely dermatitis), next day has a miserably snotty nose and hacking cough and then gets conjunctivitis. Just as he’s getting better from that 6 year old comes back from school pale, red cheeks, sore with a fever so another 2 days off (thought maybe it was what her brother had but her cheeks didn’t respond to the same medicine, looks like fifth disease?).

My partner is the main breadwinner, my income is nice but we can do without it and there’s not much room for advancement. Neither of us can work from home. Family are all 4 or more hours away. All the sick childcare falls to me.

I get them both to shower and change clothes as soon as we get home, encourage frequent hand washing and keep their nails short. They do elderberry and multivitamins and I get them to eat as many green vegetables as I can. They play in the dirt and sun and sleep great. I’ve talked to doctors about the frequent illness and gotten their immunoglobulin tested. I’ve asked their schools about cleaning routines.

I’m kinda just at a loss for what to do here. My partner is encouraging me to quit, take some short courses and maybe try to do something creative (what I studied) or just anything that can be done from home. I love my job, who have been so understanding but it’s really hard for them when I can’t work scheduled shifts, but I’m beginning to agree.

Has anyone else found the frequent illness never quite ending?

I am very newly pregnant with #2! Yay! It’s so weird, this baby is very much planned but it’s still surreal. I am about 5 weeks along…super early. But I knew the second I was pregnant last week. It was weird.

Anyways.

I need some help and ideas for some really basic, tried and true, meals…I’m talking 3-5 ingredient crockpot meals, dump it in a casserole dish type things. My 3 year old is “toddler” picky- Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, nuggies, sandwiches, fruit and yogurt are her main staples. We are trying our best to introduce her to everything we eat even if she just takes one bite. So something that could entice her is a bonus.

I am also looking for some really basic ideas, besides walk, for strengthening and keeping my body healthy. I am plus size and have been for my whole life. My body handled my first pregnancy pretty well, but my upper back was sore for months after giving birth. I definitely need to lose quite a bit of weight but that is not my main goal during pregnancy. The issue is I wfh, and have a very meeting intensive job so I cannot really escape too much, I’ve been doing like 20 minute walks each day but I need to up this a little to help strengthen other parts of my body. I did try to hit up the gym early in the morning, but I honestly can’t stick with it…I could in my 20s and maybe I can in a few years, just not right now. I also work in the evenings, so I can’t really escape at that time.
I’m no spring chicken, I will be at 38 in 3 weeks, so the exercise is imperative for not just pregnancy but as an older mom that needs be able to run around.

I am going to get a standing desk so I know that will help, and I have a couple of weights around. So if anyone has some basic tips or exercises I can do while at my desk, that would be really helpful.

I currently have a three month old and 2.5 year old and am about to return to work from leave. I can’t help but feel kind of guilty, the baby just started daycare. I have financial goals that make it important to work and I do think it’s worth it, but man are these early days tough when they start daycare. I don’t love my job but that’s ok. Would love to hear perspectives from other moms on what keeps you motivated for work, any tips for managing the mom guilt.

I just started back at work a couple weeks ago after having my second baby, who is about 4 months ago. This time around my husband has 2 months of paternity leave which is great! He didn’t have that with our first. He is taking his leave now, so we can delay starting the baby in daycare until she’s 6 months. I was so excited about this because I WFH, so I can go back to work and still see my baby whenever I want.

What I didn’t expect was for baby to cry all day! I thought this was too young for separation anxiety but she will literally cry for hours with him, and then as soon as I walk in, she will stop and smile. I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. She just really prefers me.

Has anyone else been through this? I feel guilty but I’d rather her be at daycare at this point so at least I wouldn’t have to listen to her cries. It’s hard for me to go work out of the house because I have to pump every couple hours. I’m mostly just sad and stressed that my return to work has been so hard for her.

Just got back from maternity leave and I am feeling incredibly discouraged. It seems like every interaction I have outside of my team is a complaint, unsolicited advice, or push back. I’m tired and this is the first time in years that I have doubted my leadership and capability. How do I get back to feeling competent at my job?

So, long story short, my 4 month old has been at daycare about 6 weeks now and almost never naps more than 30 minutes at a time. She comes home extremely over tired, insanely grouchy, and I really just have to feed her and put her to bed as soon as we get home. It genuinely upsets me because I don't get to spend any real time bonding with my baby.

This daycare is great for my older son, and the teachers are all really nice and helpful so I am not looking to move daycares. but I'm running out of things to try to get her to sleep more. Daycare has pacifiers to help get her calmed to sleep, a sleep sack to put on her for nap, and they try all the little tricks like rocking, back pats, the nose rubbing thing, etc. The only two things they can't do are turn down the lights or put her somewhere quieter.

I know from experience despite our best efforts to get her sleeping through loud noises, if she hears a floorboard creak near her or voices nearby, she's awkae and smiley as sunshine immediately. Problem is the smile goes away when the over tiredness settles back in minutes later.

I'm really out of ideas or things to give daycare. I get it takes time to adjust, but at 6 weeks of this you'd think it would be getting better. So if anyone has suffered this and has ideas please help.

edit: we have sleep trained before and are trying with number 2 as well, it just doesn't help at daycare.

Recently got a job in my dream setting…BUT it’s an hour away and 3 days a week I start at 7 am and the other 2 days a week I start at 9 am but I’m not done until 6 pm. Tips and tricks for early routines/funky schedules where you don’t see much of your kids during the week so I don’t lose my mind entirely??? Not sure I’m making the right decision in taking this job 🙈

i want to change careers to be a paralegal after 15 years in corporate hr. I will do this by starting a paralegal program at a local university. I have the option of a UNC program (not aba approved, but nationally recognized law school) or a local college that is aba approved but small potatoes and relatively unknown outside of the area. Everything about the programs are essentially the same, including time commitment and costs. Which do I choose? The state does not require certification to be a paralegal but I would pursue a NALA one once I land a job and finish the program.l for additional credentials.

I’ve been at my job for 9 years, based in the US. It is (or was) my dream job in many ways. I feel incredibly privileged to be here considering what most working parents have: I have a remote, full time position doing something I love, with a 4-day work week, salary I’m happy with, and a small team that consists of 100% working moms. It’s a small business (20ish employees) that has historically offered a ton of flexibility, generous PTO and benefits, and a family-like, casual culture. Every one of my coworkers is a person I genuinely like and adore. There is no drama, almost no turnover and no toxicity. Everyone is competent and super smart, and I learn from them every day.

Here’s the problem—I’m still drowning, workload has been insane, and I have a baby and a toddler who I feel tremendous guilt for when I have to sit them in front of the TV or hand them to my husband in the evenings and weekends, which are increasingly demanding with work obligations. We’ve always been the kind of place where I could set clear boundaries and leave work at my desk, but in the age of AI, government funding changes, and everyone else (our clients) going back into the office, I came back from maternity leave instantly bombarded with requests to work at in person engagements on Fridays, Saturdays and early mornings and evenings—mostly times when I have no childcare. My baby is breastfed and so far (after trying for 3 months) refuses to take a bottle. So I have literally packed her up and taken her to meetings with me an hour away from home because I just had no other choice. I’m shelling out hundreds of dollars adding to the childcare bill to extend coverage to say yes to these things, doing all of the mental labor of planning and packing and logistics, and I’m completely exhausted and feeling burnt out.

Additionally, my company has been in a very tight, scary financial position for years. We always pull through, but it’s emotionally exhausting having to bear the weight of knowing my job could disappear if one more thing falls through or one mistake causes a customer to back out.

At the same time, I have multiple friends in the job market right now, several in my industry, and they’re telling me it’s brutal. I feel like any move is a downgrade, either on salary or commute or benefits or flexibility.

Family context: I’m the higher earner in my household and my husband works in person on partial commission, so when he takes PTO or tries to flex his schedule, his paycheck declines. This creates an incentive structure where, because I have the more flexible job, I take the career hits. And with my first child this flexibility and grace seemed to be unlimited. Now with my second, it’s seems to be running out, not because my coworkers aren’t understanding, but because we are barely staying afloat and they all have equally valid parenting-related needs too. My husband is wonderful, happy to take the kids when I need to work outside of the standard hours, and does a majority of household chores (I do more of the mental/planning/budgeting & calendaring things). But I miss my kids, and I want to be present with them while they are little, and I become more resentful every time I have to spend 4 hours working on a day I’m supposed to be off.

I just don’t know if I should stick this out as long as possible and hope things get better, or if I should start putting feelers out for other opportunities. I don’t feel excited or hopeful about either choice, and I don’t want to make huge life decisions from this reactive place of exhaustion and stress, but I also can’t tell if I’m making my life more exhausting and stressful by staying in this environment being nostalgic about how wonderful it was and hoping it’ll be that way again.

Hoping for some outside perspective here. Please and thank you.

I'm hoping I make it to 40 weeks but as we all know, anything can happen.

They're not hiring a temp to cover for me while I'm gone, we're distributing my responsibilities among two of my colleagues and an intern. I've done as much as I can to find time in my day to train them on my duties but I feel like I haven't done enough, and if I have this baby tomorrow, I think my department would be screwed.

No one else seems to be concerned, but maybe they just don't know what they don't know. Do I just handle as much as I can before I leave and hope for the best? My boss has promised me they won't be reaching out to me at all while I'm gone, which I appreciate, but I feel like all hell is going to break loose.

Any tips on how to handle this anxiety while I'm here and when I'm home with the baby? Should I just let myself feel selfish and throw caution to the wind?

FTM here, getting ready to go back to work when my baby turns 3 months old.
I work from home and my job is pretty flexible. I don’t have many calls, and most of my coworkers are moms, so everyone is pretty understanding. However, there are usually one or two days a week when I really need to focus and get a lot of work done.

I’m considering hiring a responsible high schooler to come over for a few hours after school to help with the baby while I’m still home working.

Has anyone done something similar with a baby around 3 to 6 months old? How did it work out?
One of my biggest concerns is making sure my baby is getting enough attention, interaction, and age-appropriate stimulation throughout the day. We’re avoiding screen time, and I don’t want her missing out on important developmental activities just because I’m juggling work and motherhood.

I’m also really curious how other WFH moms are managing this. What are you doing throughout the day to make sure your baby is getting the developmental attention they need while staying home with you? Do you follow any sort of routine, plan activities, or just go with the flow?
Would love to hear what has worked for everyone, whether you’ve hired extra help or are managing both on your own!