I've been a super messy person my whole life. I'm the kind of person who will get distracted and put something down wherever I happen to be standing. I step over piles without really noticing them. It's gotten 10x worse with kids. I'm making this post because my husband blames me for the house being messy even though we both work.

I do 99% of the cooking, meal planning, and shopping. He will do dishes maybe once a week, but only the dishes, not other putting away food and things that I do when I clean up the kitchen. I think he resents that when I cook I make a huge mess in the kitchen. The other things that makes a huge mess is feeding the kids, which is also my job. I don't seem to be capable of feeding the kids (4 and 1) without tons of containers and dishes appearing on the counter and food all over the floor. So yeah I am causing the kitchen mess because I'm in charge of the food, but I also feel like that is a full time job..

We have a house cleaner that does bathrooms and floors. Laundry is maybe 70:30. When he does laundry, he puts it in the washer, and then I have to manage drying and folding and putting away. Folding and putting away is the hard part!

He gets really annoyed about the clutter everywhere. It's constant and really bad. I'm not good at throwing things away. He gets mad at me because I will let the kids make a mess with their toys on the floor. There's already toys everywhere and I'm too tired to care.

I manage all the mental load stuff like making appointments, school paperwork, home inventory. He does house repairs and yard work.

I'm just annoyed about his attitude. I wish if he cares so much he works just clean more. I always planned to have a successful career, which I do. But some part of me thought that would exempt me from also doing the majority of housework.

Recently got a job in my dream setting…BUT it’s an hour away and 3 days a week I start at 7 am and the other 2 days a week I start at 9 am but I’m not done until 6 pm. Tips and tricks for early routines/funky schedules where you don’t see much of your kids during the week so I don’t lose my mind entirely??? Not sure I’m making the right decision in taking this job 🙈

The owner/director self reported a teacher for inappropriate touching. This was not a teacher either of my kids had but apparently they were a floater. It was noted that anyone involved would have already been contacted and/or received a letter. We did not get anything. I contacted CPS directly to confirm if my children were included in the report. They said no they did not have my children's names but they took our info in case the investigated revealed anything. CPS directly had all good things to say about how the owner and other teachers at the center are handling this. They said usually daycares try to hide things like this and not report. But they are all being cooperative and that says alot. My husband thinks it okay to send my child back to his teachers even while the investigation is still pending and does not want to switch. WWYD?

i want to change careers to be a paralegal after 15 years in corporate hr. I will do this by starting a paralegal program at a local university. I have the option of a UNC program (not aba approved, but nationally recognized law school) or a local college that is aba approved but small potatoes and relatively unknown outside of the area. Everything about the programs are essentially the same, including time commitment and costs. Which do I choose? The state does not require certification to be a paralegal but I would pursue a NALA one once I land a job and finish the program.l for additional credentials.

Just got back from maternity leave and I am feeling incredibly discouraged. It seems like every interaction I have outside of my team is a complaint, unsolicited advice, or push back. I’m tired and this is the first time in years that I have doubted my leadership and capability. How do I get back to feeling competent at my job?

So, long story short, my 4 month old has been at daycare about 6 weeks now and almost never naps more than 30 minutes at a time. She comes home extremely over tired, insanely grouchy, and I really just have to feed her and put her to bed as soon as we get home. It genuinely upsets me because I don't get to spend any real time bonding with my baby.

This daycare is great for my older son, and the teachers are all really nice and helpful so I am not looking to move daycares. but I'm running out of things to try to get her to sleep more. Daycare has pacifiers to help get her calmed to sleep, a sleep sack to put on her for nap, and they try all the little tricks like rocking, back pats, the nose rubbing thing, etc. The only two things they can't do are turn down the lights or put her somewhere quieter.

I know from experience despite our best efforts to get her sleeping through loud noises, if she hears a floorboard creak near her or voices nearby, she's awkae and smiley as sunshine immediately. Problem is the smile goes away when the over tiredness settles back in minutes later.

I'm really out of ideas or things to give daycare. I get it takes time to adjust, but at 6 weeks of this you'd think it would be getting better. So if anyone has suffered this and has ideas please help.

edit: we have sleep trained before and are trying with number 2 as well, it just doesn't help at daycare.

It seems like my kids didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to stop getting constant illnesses. It’s normally not quite this bad but it’s still not great. I’m actually kind of impressed that neither my partner or I caught anything so far in this round.

3 weeks ago my 3 year old got gastro, followed a couple of days later by his 6 year old sister. Week later 6 year old threw up once again (think it was food poisoning, no one else caught it and she was fine the next day but still automatic 2 days off school). This week my 3 year old develops a facial rash so trip to the doctor to see whats up (likely dermatitis), next day has a miserably snotty nose and hacking cough and then gets conjunctivitis. Just as he’s getting better from that 6 year old comes back from school pale, red cheeks, sore with a fever so another 2 days off (thought maybe it was what her brother had but her cheeks didn’t respond to the same medicine, looks like fifth disease?).

My partner is the main breadwinner, my income is nice but we can do without it and there’s not much room for advancement. Neither of us can work from home. Family are all 4 or more hours away. All the sick childcare falls to me.

I get them both to shower and change clothes as soon as we get home, encourage frequent hand washing and keep their nails short. They do elderberry and multivitamins and I get them to eat as many green vegetables as I can. They play in the dirt and sun and sleep great. I’ve talked to doctors about the frequent illness and gotten their immunoglobulin tested. I’ve asked their schools about cleaning routines.

I’m kinda just at a loss for what to do here. My partner is encouraging me to quit, take some short courses and maybe try to do something creative (what I studied) or just anything that can be done from home. I love my job, who have been so understanding but it’s really hard for them when I can’t work scheduled shifts, but I’m beginning to agree.

Has anyone else found the frequent illness never quite ending?

Anyone else have that Michelle Wolf comedy special playing in their head on repeat about how “women can have it all”?

I don’t want to have it all.

I work full time, plus a part time 1099 consulting gig, all WFH. My husband also works full time, but he travels 60-80% (and recently 100%) of the time for work.

We both work demanding jobs and make roughly equal. I make ~double his base salary, but he makes up the difference in commission. And yet it’s all on me. I schedule and take our daughter to her drs appointments, I manage every single household vendor from pest control to landscaper, and I do everything in the house for the often back-to-back weeks he is traveling; dishes, daycare drop off/pick up, midnight wakes, and more. And I breastfeed/pump which is just a whole other beast.

I’m so tired.

Today he told me that I could delegate tasks to him while he’s on the road, like calling the pest control company (he heard me on the phone with them this morning). You all know the talk. All I had to do was tell him what to do and he’d be happy to do it - how was he supposed to know otherwise that it needed to get done? It’s not like he’s on the joint email where all our invoices come from the pest control company, or that he hasn’t also heard the sounds of rodents in our walls. And obviously it would then be my responsibility to follow up at least weekly for the next few weeks until he finally got it done, and ultimately spend more time and energy trying to get him to do it than if I had just done it in the first place.

So then cue the “Well if you don’t give me the opportunity to help I can never prove to you that I can do it.”

Dude.

I had receipts. I sent him every instance of me asking him to do something when he’d dropped the ball this year. They were all pretty big, showed me doing multiple follow ups, and nothing happening. And those are just the ones that made it into our text chain. The most egregious of which was when I asked him to switch our home insurance company (long story) and he didn’t do it. I had to follow up for weeks, after explicitly stating that I was feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate him taking it off my plate, and then he finally did it the day our insurance lapsed. And the way it works means that we didn’t have coverage for that day which was a PITA to deal with.

Today I finally told him I was done giving him opportunities to “prove himself”, to which I was told that’s a huge red flag for him. My freaking red flag should have been the 1,001 times before this I’ve asked him for help and then that ended up being more work than just doing it myself. I don’t have the energy or the will power to project manage him right now. Maybe in like three years.

FTM here, getting ready to go back to work when my baby turns 3 months old.
I work from home and my job is pretty flexible. I don’t have many calls, and most of my coworkers are moms, so everyone is pretty understanding. However, there are usually one or two days a week when I really need to focus and get a lot of work done.

I’m considering hiring a responsible high schooler to come over for a few hours after school to help with the baby while I’m still home working.

Has anyone done something similar with a baby around 3 to 6 months old? How did it work out?
One of my biggest concerns is making sure my baby is getting enough attention, interaction, and age-appropriate stimulation throughout the day. We’re avoiding screen time, and I don’t want her missing out on important developmental activities just because I’m juggling work and motherhood.

I’m also really curious how other WFH moms are managing this. What are you doing throughout the day to make sure your baby is getting the developmental attention they need while staying home with you? Do you follow any sort of routine, plan activities, or just go with the flow?
Would love to hear what has worked for everyone, whether you’ve hired extra help or are managing both on your own!

I try my best to not show my 5 & 4 year old that deep down, I am fighting for my life. I go to work everyday to “try” to provide for them & get us out of this mess that their father put us in. We finally should be out of this Women’s shelter tomorrow & I should be happy but the feeling of not failing them is always in the back of my head.

We have started completely over except the 4 bags we brought with us. My 5 year old has been adjusting to his new school for a couple of weeks now and everything has been going okay for the most part. One of his classmates mom gave me an invitation after school yesterday for her son’s birthday party Saturday. It’s at a trampoline park . He was so excited to tell me about it & that’s all his friends were talking about it. Leave it to me to let him know that we most likely won’t be able to go because I simply can’t afford it. I’m barely keeping my head above water. We are visiting food pantries almost daily, what little money I make has gone into this apartment, I’ve been wearing the same tennis shoes from the Goodwill for the past few weeks because I can’t purchase a decent pair. I HATE disappointing my kids. They deserve the world, especially with what they have gone through.

We have court next week & I have to see their father’s face… he filed a motion for a custody agreement but I doubt that will be granted after we show the judge the police documents & hospital bill where he broke my nose. I’m trying to survive. I want to make sure my babies know that we will be okay soon. It’s just rough right now.

I’m starting work at 3.5 months and I’m pissed. Maybe it’s hormones? My job is flexible, decent and I love my boss, and yet still I’m pissed I have to start working so soon. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom but I’d like to stay with him until he’s at least six months? I came back to an email from HR asking me to confirm I started work, and if not they’d take my benefits away. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Projects I left evolved into things I don’t recognize and have already got defensive emails back when I politely asked how things changed course while I was gone. Others just got neglected by people that were supposed to take them over. I just want to go cry in a cave and go hang with my baby.

I currently have a three month old and 2.5 year old and am about to return to work from leave. I can’t help but feel kind of guilty, the baby just started daycare. I have financial goals that make it important to work and I do think it’s worth it, but man are these early days tough when they start daycare. I don’t love my job but that’s ok. Would love to hear perspectives from other moms on what keeps you motivated for work, any tips for managing the mom guilt.

He’s my fiancé, but regardless. He works full time and so do I. We have two kids, 6 & 2 yrs old. He is Monday through Friday, gets home by 3:30 with the kids, and I do 4 10 hour days Wednesday- Saturday.

He truly thinks that he doesn’t need to do anything around the house. It was his idea to get not one, but TWO cats and I buy the food, change the litter, clean the food and water dishes. Do all our dishes. He leaves food out and wrappers everywhere. If the kids make a mess of their food or toys, he just leaves it- so I come home to a disgusting cluttered home. He doesn’t do laundry, sometimes he will but only his clothes and then he takes them and dumps them once clean all over our bedroom floor. I used to fold and hang them up for him then put them away, but it’s time consuming and I have mine and the kids clothes to worry about. I hate how it just takes up literally our entire bedroom floor though.

He leaves his food in a Tupperware for months.. I refuse to open them it’s so gross to me, so I’ve just thrown some of it away after asking him multiple times to throw it in the trash and wash it out himself. Is it that hard?

One of the cats sprays all over the place because he never had him fixed. I had to finally set the appt and pay for it (again, his idea to have the cats) so I’m constantly having to track down where the spray is and clean that which has been killing my mental health. He sprayed my comforter the other night and I’ve asked him to go wash it because he hasn’t even had to go to work the last few days and he hasn’t. So I’ve been sleeping with some small shitty blanket.

What else… he trims his beard over the sink or above the floor looking into the mirror and leaves the hair everywhere. It’s just disgraceful. He sees me come home, have to make dinner, give the kids a bath and he’s either in the room watching baseball or working on his puzzles, in a whole other world. I’ve said can’t you help? Wait until the kids go to bed? He says I must hate being a mom. No, I love it so much but why am I doing it alone?

Even in the morning, I have to get myself, the kids up and dressed so I can go to work and bring them to school & daycare, he just sits on his phone or at the table watching.

The days I work I’m home at 6:30pm and it’s straight to bedtime routine and dinner and I am very overwhelmed. I have to do all this myself. I’m also a full time college student thankfully it’s all online. But yeah I’m just drowning and he doesn’t care.

He even has the nerve to say I don’t do anything if he thinks I skipped out on something. Has anyone else dealt with this? Why does he think he’s the only one that can do nothing? WE BOTH HAVE JOBS! he says he’s tired after work… ME TOO

We recently moved to Connecticut, and I found out something mind blowing to me:

They have their own state FMLA laws.

12 weeks of job protection (same as federal). However, it takes effect AFTER 3 MONTHS and doesn't have exceptions for employer size.

You mean, I don't have to make sure I don't have a kid until after a year of a new job (and work for a big enough company) to be legally safe from bias? (Because seriously, why is FMLA eligibility longer than pregnancies?!) Not to mention other FMLA-qualifying events.

Are you kidding me?? This is an option?? Somehow I had only thought of this as a federal political fight.

I had heard of state paid leave, which is amazing, too. But state-level protected family leave I had never heard discussed. I've stayed at sucky jobs I hated to make sure I had protection and parental leave eligibility when waiting for adoption and waited to start fertility treatments after new jobs to make sure I would get protected leave if they worked.

We moved from a red state that touts being family focused while doing so little for parents or kids. I'm grateful we finally got to move but pissed this is something I didn't even think of or know was possible. I mourn for friends and family and mentees I left behind. They deserve better, too.

Like enough with waiting for federal to shape up. States could actually be making this happen everywhere.

I’ve been at my job for 9 years, based in the US. It is (or was) my dream job in many ways. I feel incredibly privileged to be here considering what most working parents have: I have a remote, full time position doing something I love, with a 4-day work week, salary I’m happy with, and a small team that consists of 100% working moms. It’s a small business (20ish employees) that has historically offered a ton of flexibility, generous PTO and benefits, and a family-like, casual culture. Every one of my coworkers is a person I genuinely like and adore. There is no drama, almost no turnover and no toxicity. Everyone is competent and super smart, and I learn from them every day.

Here’s the problem—I’m still drowning, workload has been insane, and I have a baby and a toddler who I feel tremendous guilt for when I have to sit them in front of the TV or hand them to my husband in the evenings and weekends, which are increasingly demanding with work obligations. We’ve always been the kind of place where I could set clear boundaries and leave work at my desk, but in the age of AI, government funding changes, and everyone else (our clients) going back into the office, I came back from maternity leave instantly bombarded with requests to work at in person engagements on Fridays, Saturdays and early mornings and evenings—mostly times when I have no childcare. My baby is breastfed and so far (after trying for 3 months) refuses to take a bottle. So I have literally packed her up and taken her to meetings with me an hour away from home because I just had no other choice. I’m shelling out hundreds of dollars adding to the childcare bill to extend coverage to say yes to these things, doing all of the mental labor of planning and packing and logistics, and I’m completely exhausted and feeling burnt out.

Additionally, my company has been in a very tight, scary financial position for years. We always pull through, but it’s emotionally exhausting having to bear the weight of knowing my job could disappear if one more thing falls through or one mistake causes a customer to back out.

At the same time, I have multiple friends in the job market right now, several in my industry, and they’re telling me it’s brutal. I feel like any move is a downgrade, either on salary or commute or benefits or flexibility.

Family context: I’m the higher earner in my household and my husband works in person on partial commission, so when he takes PTO or tries to flex his schedule, his paycheck declines. This creates an incentive structure where, because I have the more flexible job, I take the career hits. And with my first child this flexibility and grace seemed to be unlimited. Now with my second, it’s seems to be running out, not because my coworkers aren’t understanding, but because we are barely staying afloat and they all have equally valid parenting-related needs too. My husband is wonderful, happy to take the kids when I need to work outside of the standard hours, and does a majority of household chores (I do more of the mental/planning/budgeting & calendaring things). But I miss my kids, and I want to be present with them while they are little, and I become more resentful every time I have to spend 4 hours working on a day I’m supposed to be off.

I just don’t know if I should stick this out as long as possible and hope things get better, or if I should start putting feelers out for other opportunities. I don’t feel excited or hopeful about either choice, and I don’t want to make huge life decisions from this reactive place of exhaustion and stress, but I also can’t tell if I’m making my life more exhausting and stressful by staying in this environment being nostalgic about how wonderful it was and hoping it’ll be that way again.

Hoping for some outside perspective here. Please and thank you.

I’m trying to figure out the most practical childcare arrangement for my family and would love to hear what has worked for others in similar situations. I’m also trying to figure out how to best avoid burnout for the childcare provider

Our situation:

- I wfh on Mondays and Fridays, but I still need childcare from 8am to 5pm on those days
- Tuesday thru Thursday, I have to go into the office. My commute is 1.5 hrs each way, so I’m potentially away from home for 12 hrs a day
- My husband travels during the week, so I need an arrangement that doesn’t depend on him being home to help
- We have a 3 month old

A couple of options:

1. Hire two nannies: one to cover Monday and Fridays, and another to cover Tuesday thru Thursday. I understand I’d be paying the Tues to Thurs nanny overtime
2. Hire one nanny to do all the shifts: honestly this is way too much work for one person and i think it will lead to higher burnout
3. Daycare on M/Fri and nanny on Tues to Thurs: the only thing i don’t like about this is that my baby could get sick at daycare and I’d be the only parent who could take care of him
4. Any other setups i should consider? We don’t have enough space for a live in nanny or au pair

Unfortunately, my in laws live out of state. My parents provide occasional baby sitting but cannot provide the regular childcare that we need

I'm hoping I make it to 40 weeks but as we all know, anything can happen.

They're not hiring a temp to cover for me while I'm gone, we're distributing my responsibilities among two of my colleagues and an intern. I've done as much as I can to find time in my day to train them on my duties but I feel like I haven't done enough, and if I have this baby tomorrow, I think my department would be screwed.

No one else seems to be concerned, but maybe they just don't know what they don't know. Do I just handle as much as I can before I leave and hope for the best? My boss has promised me they won't be reaching out to me at all while I'm gone, which I appreciate, but I feel like all hell is going to break loose.

Any tips on how to handle this anxiety while I'm here and when I'm home with the baby? Should I just let myself feel selfish and throw caution to the wind?

my friend picked up my daughter yesterday because I had a doctor appointment and when she picked her up, she immediately called me. She was wet down her back with urine. Unfortunately, that actually happens a lot; at least once a week. I pick her up and there is stains all up her back of dried urine.
she’s been having a lot of rash issues as well, though thankfully it’s been much better in the past couple weeks.
The big thing for me is a 1.5 inch bruise that she found on my daughters arm when putting her in a new outfit.☹️ I asked my husband if he noticed it this morning and he said no.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t really have any other options for childcare and we live in a very rural area so there’s very minimal other Daycare’s, and many ones I can’t afford. What do I do? She takes everything so personally so I feel like talking to her isn’t going to help. Please help.

My work day just began and it is poop already. We all woke up late and I went to get our toddler from the room. Our child, the one I love more than anything/anyone, the one I am doing all this for, runs past me to tell Dad good morning and give him a hug and kiss. Nothing for Mom, again…like most days. My child will hug and kiss Dad unprompted all day, but cannot kiss or hug me with a gentle prompt most times.

I’m happy our child has another parent they can love and trust this much. It’s just hard feeling like I’m a very dedicated servant who plays with them , reads to them, takes them on outings, dresses them, cleans their room, washes their clothes, and plans for their financial future. And now I have to dry my tears and get started replying to emails.

Advice welcome. This sucks :(

I am very newly pregnant with #2! Yay! It’s so weird, this baby is very much planned but it’s still surreal. I am about 5 weeks along…super early. But I knew the second I was pregnant last week. It was weird.

Anyways.

I need some help and ideas for some really basic, tried and true, meals…I’m talking 3-5 ingredient crockpot meals, dump it in a casserole dish type things. My 3 year old is “toddler” picky- Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, nuggies, sandwiches, fruit and yogurt are her main staples. We are trying our best to introduce her to everything we eat even if she just takes one bite. So something that could entice her is a bonus.

I am also looking for some really basic ideas, besides walk, for strengthening and keeping my body healthy. I am plus size and have been for my whole life. My body handled my first pregnancy pretty well, but my upper back was sore for months after giving birth. I definitely need to lose quite a bit of weight but that is not my main goal during pregnancy. The issue is I wfh, and have a very meeting intensive job so I cannot really escape too much, I’ve been doing like 20 minute walks each day but I need to up this a little to help strengthen other parts of my body. I did try to hit up the gym early in the morning, but I honestly can’t stick with it…I could in my 20s and maybe I can in a few years, just not right now. I also work in the evenings, so I can’t really escape at that time.
I’m no spring chicken, I will be at 38 in 3 weeks, so the exercise is imperative for not just pregnancy but as an older mom that needs be able to run around.

I am going to get a standing desk so I know that will help, and I have a couple of weights around. So if anyone has some basic tips or exercises I can do while at my desk, that would be really helpful.

To start, my daughter was refused on her first day of daycare in July because she cried for longer than expected. We left at 8:30am and were told that she adjusted to us being gone very quickly. We even received cute hourly photos and updates from the lady running the daycare! Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but at 10:50am we received a call explaining that our daughter was crying too much and disturbing the other kids. We got there and were told that this amount of crying was unhealthy, that she’s just not ready for daycare and to try next year. Apparently she only stoped crying when she was held but the lady explained that she couldn’t hold her the whole time (which is understandable).

The reason I’m reaching out and asking for advice is because I want to start her at a different daycare in the middle of November and I need help understanding how to get her prepared. We had a meeting today with the new daycare and they let us hangout for an hour to help my daughter get adjusted. She freaked out a little but calmed down when she started flipping through books and playing with a light-up ball. She mostly seemed distressed by the kids (there were 3 present) and would cry when she remembered they were there. I feel like being around more kids would help her but she is the first baby in my family in the last 10 years and none of our friends have kids. Maybe I could bring her to the park?

To clarify, I am not looking for hired help. I also have no family that lives close by and all my friends either work full time or are attending college classes. I desperately need to start working because I have medical issues/expenses.

If you guys have any suggestions please don’t hesitate to comment 🙏

I reached out to a recruiter at a company I’d love to work for. She said there isn’t currently an opening for the role I asked about, but she’s always looking to connect with great talent. She added, “Our priorities change quickly too, so there may be something in the pipeline in the near future. Please let me know when you’re available for a phone call.”
We’re speaking tomorrow.

What can I expect from a call like this, and how should I prepare? I know it’s not a job offer or a guarantee of an opening, but I’m curious how others would interpret her message.

My son is almost 18 months old and ever since he started walking and I weaned him, he’s had a very strong preference for my husband. Like 80/20.

If he’s hurt, upset or needs comfort, he wants Dada. Earlier today I reached for him when he was crying and he physically turned away from me and asked for his dad. It honestly broke my heart. We have a wonderful relationship otherwise. We have our own little jokes, I make him laugh constantly and we have plenty of meaningful moments together. But I miss the physical affection so much. We used to have this sweet bedtime routine where I’d rock him, sing to him and snuggle him in the dark. Now he just wiggles around in my lap, babbling away, with seemingly no interest in cuddling.

I know this is developmentally normal and isn’t a reflection of how much he loves me, but man, it hurts.

I think it’s especially hard because I’m already feeling pretty depleted. Work has been incredibly demanding, I’m struggling with my postpartum body and I’m approaching another birthday feeling older than ever. I feel like I’ve given so much of myself physically and emotionally to motherhood, and lately I’m not getting much of the tenderness and affection I desperately miss.

My husband is a wonderful, involved father and partner, so this isn’t about him doing anything wrong. I’m just sad. I miss feeling like my baby’s favorite person. I miss being needed in that particular way.

Has anyone else gone through a prolonged phase of not being the preferred parent? Did it eventually shift? Because right now it’s really getting to me.

LOL—I just read a post with almost this title and thought, “Ooh yay, someone I can commiserate with!”—then realized the other mom’s issue was about folks not wanting to travel, not my situation. So I decided to create my own. 😉

Unfortunately, my parents and my in laws just can’t handle looking after our kid. It has nothing to do with my kid’s circumstances; it’s solely due to the adults involved. I had to go through a bit of a mourning period saying goodbye to my original hopes. I realized this for each of them during parts of pregnancy and my kid’s early months.

• My dad was never a candidate really—he’s barely a “people” person much less a baby person. He is perfectly happy to tap out of any social gathering while AT the gathering: going off in a corner to wear headphones while on his computer, tipping his cap over his eyes to take a nap... (God, I just realized he sounds like a terrible teenager. 😂) Anyway, he’s never exemplified caregiver, has a short attention span, and clearly has little interest…so I knew he’d be a “short activity with grandpa” guy.

• My mom has wonderful rapport with small children and likes them, but I had the first horrible realization she couldn’t be safe when I was pregnant. My mom is rather frail and extremely klutzy. She came to visit in winter in the third trimester and there was ice all over our driveway. As we drove the car in, I told her at least twice, there’s ice, be careful when you get out, and walk slowly. So we park the car, she opens the door and starts SPRINTING around the side because I guess she wants to take my hand to support the pregnant lady?? I had to yell at her to stop because she was absolutely gonna fall if she kept going. That was one of the first times I registered just how terrible her judgment of physical things is, and she unfortunately continued to demonstrate that in my kid’s infancy, including stepping OVER my baby on the floor (WTF) when visiting a different time. And now, sadly, she’s going rather deaf with vision problems. Sigh.

• My FIL is a piece of work—gets into weird situations with strangers because of how he thinks the world should work vs how it actually should work; no sense of etiquette or social boundaries. But my husband survived to be a kind, considerate person well-liked by many, and my FIL was always talking about how he took my husband with him everywhere when he was little (unconventional job), so I thought hey, he knows how to raise kids though! NOPE. His first visit, he tried to hold the baby with one hand while dealing with a lot of boiling water with the other, and was so indignant and pushy when my husband immediately shut that down that my husband had to ask him to leave the house for a while. FIL is also a bigger narcissist than I even realized at the time—it is now clear he really can’t handle things not revolving around what’s convenient for him. His latest visit to our now early school-age kid involved him constantly being unavailable the few hours our kid was home from school and hoped to play with him (for stuff like “needing to work” when he had total control over his schedule and dicked around all day, or “going to buy cheese.”) My poor kiddo. 😞 And my poor husband—lately he’s also imparted to me that FIL put him in situations that were really quite unsafe as a kid (like running out of gas in the middle of the desert because he wasn’t paying attention to the situation), and has asserted that our child should never be alone with FIL for this reason.

• MIL. Well, she seems more capable than the rest in many ways. But she doesn’t want to fly the 3ish hours to where we live, and we don’t want to open the can of worms to travel to any grandparents. So she saw our kid at 1.5 years old, and that’s been it.

So that’s my story. I was pretty upset when it all dawned on me, but made decent peace with it by the time my kid was 1 year old. And luckily, we didn’t have to “learn the hard way” from anything negative happening for my child. And also luckily, none of them were ever intended to be daily childcare because they all live many hours away…it was more of a, “Guess we’ll never leave kiddo with grandma and grandpa while we go on vacation…or god forbid take even 1 afternoon to do something as a couple when they’re around.” We’re slowly building other more viable alternative folks to be our village.

Anyone relate?

I think I just need to vent because we are in the weirdest season of life right now and I feel like my brain never shuts off.
We recently moved from Missouri to Florida for my new job, but our house in Missouri still hasn’t sold. So right now the kids and I are living with my mom in a tiny apartment an hour from my job.
My husband is also job hunting and this market is trash (house and job lol). He is still living in Missouri because we can’t afford to quit his job there.
Because of where we’re temporarily living, my commute with the kids is almost THREE HOURS total some days between preschool/daycare, work and traffic. About an hour in the morning and sometimes close to two hours getting home.
I have a 4-year-old and an 11-month-old, and I swear I am in fight-or-flight mode basically all day.
The baby wakes up around 4:50 AM. I get everybody dressed and packed, drive everyone where they need to go, deal with my 4-year-old having a really hard time adjusting to his new preschool, and then go straight into a new job where I’m learning an entirely new field. I actually really like my job, but it is extremely busy and people-facing. I’m talking and problem-solving all day and some days I barely have time to pee.
Then I drive in traffic for 2 hours with my kid screaming paw patrol music and yelling dump truck!!
My 4-year old needs his uniform, underwear, socks and shoes ready. Brush teeth. Bath every other night. Toys in his bag. Apparently homework now. Water bottle and blanket labeled and in a Ziploc on Tuesdays. Permission slips. Wacky Fridays.
The baby’s lunchbox has to be emptied and cleaned, every food item labeled, tomorrow’s food packed, pacifier, bib, spoons, bottles, extra clothes, diapers and wipes if daycare needs them.
Then I need MY work clothes ready, workout clothes ready because working out is one of the only things I do for myself, pre-workout drink, yoga mat, lunch, etc. And somehow I’m always looking for my keys or AirPods or wondering where I put my fanny pack.
Meanwhile there are DISHES. Always dishes. We started running the dishwasher more often and somehow there are still a billion dishes. There are toys everywhere. I pick them up and five minutes later they’re back. I haven’t properly cleaned the bathrooms in weeks.
And food. Oh my God, food.
We already eat really simple food because I hate cooking, but these two boys eat constantly. I meal prep and two days later somehow the refrigerator is empty again or we’re missing one ingredient and I need to schedule another grocery pickup.
My 4-year-old is also insanely high-energy and wants me actively playing with him basically every second. He doesn’t want me sitting on a park bench while he plays. No. I need to be IN the sand. On the ground. Participating. 😂
I recently spent four hours at a digging/dirt event with him and was literally sitting in the dirt playing because he won’t really play independently. He has also always been extremely sensitive to loud noises, so we’re the family bringing headphones to events while it feels like every other kid is completely unfazed. Of course once he finally adjusted, he had a blast and didn’t want to leave.
I love him more than anything, but after four years of “Mom, play with me! Mom! Mom! Mom!” sometimes I just want to pee by myself.
Then there’s the Missouri house.
Every time we get a showing notification we get SO excited thinking maybe this is finally it. Then we get feedback that they liked the house but can’t afford it cuz the interest rates and I’m like why are you wasting our time?? We’re even paying for a brand-new roof too with cash.
Meanwhile my husband is applying for jobs and we keep thinking maybe THIS interview or THIS opportunity will finally be the thing that moves everything forward.
So it feels like our entire life is:
When the house sells, then…
If he gets this job, then…
Once we can buy a house, then…
Once we live closer to work, then…
Once we can change childcare, then…
Nothing feels settled.
And I have this horrible thing where every text/email/notification makes me feel like I’m “in trouble.”
SunPass sends me something? I’m in trouble.
Timesheet issue at work? I’m in trouble.
Preschool says we need diapers? I’m in trouble.
Forgot to call the pharmacy back? I’m in trouble.
Realtor texts? Immediate stomach drop.
Even taking a longer shower makes me feel guilty because my mom already helps so much with the kids.
I watch House Hunters for an hour or two at bedtime and scroll Zillow for fun. I’ve been obsessively stalking a few houses that I want to buy that have been sitting on the market for awhile. It feels like a slap in the face when I drive by the neighborhood I want to move into but obvi can’t yet!!
But during the day I feel like I physically cannot sit down because there is always something that needs to happen so tomorrow doesn’t become a disaster.
And I’m not really looking for “wake up earlier” or “meal prep more” advice because I promise you I am already optimizing the hell out of this household. 😂
I think I mostly need someone to tell me that this particular combination of moving states + unsold house + job search + new job + two little kids + preschool adjustment + ridiculous commute really IS a lot. Oh and i moved away from all of my friends. At least we moved here to be close to family, that’s been great!!
Anyway there’s more but I’ll leave it at that for now. Thanks for listening.