Zero awareness of wedding invite etiquette

[u/Natural-Cupcake3359]

We are having a small wedding at a private residence in a few weeks. As late-bloomer lesbians in the second chapter of our lives, we invited only people who authentically support us and love us to attend. We've both been married before, so we want this wedding to actually be about us this time.

We invited our friends, a couple that we have known the entire duration of our relationship, let's call them Jill and Bill. Jill just texted tonight and said "Bill can't make it, so I'm bringing my friend instead." This was weird for us. We don't know the friend and the wedding is 50 people. We know every single person attending, and we know them well, so having one rando in there feels strange. We tried to explain that we'd love to have Jill come, but we invited Bill, not some girl we've never met. Unfortunately, they responded by saying that neither one will be attending and that they are no longer interested in our friendship. They couldn't believe we'd expect Jill to attend alone if Bill couldn't go. (Note - these friends are local and so is the wedding, so we're not saying she must travel alone).

My partner and I have always been taught that whoever is explicitly listed on the invite is who is invited. If it says "Jill and Bill Smith" the invite is not for "Jill Smith and Guest." I'm sort of surprised that 1) we had to explain this to middle-aged adults and 2) it was so offensive they don't want to be our friends. Their loss. But please people, have a little more self awareness than Jill and Bill. 🙄 Sigh.

Edit: A few contextual notes. Jill and Bill knew it was a small wedding because we had discussed it with them when we were planning the event. Also, my partner was very polite when she said that we weren't open to Jill bringing a friend. No hostility or shaming, just kindly explaining.

[u/shiinachan]

Wow I am so surprised by the takes in the comments here. Maybe it's a cultural issue? But where I live in Europe, it would be weird (maybe even rude?) to expect a guest to come alone. Especially if they're not super familiar with the rest of the guests. That's why the concept of a plus one exists right? Of course, an invite to your husband doesn't automatically translate into a plus one to a random, but they did let you know! Honestly, if any of my guests who were invited with their partner had asked to instead bring a friend that would have been an immediate yes from me. We also had <50 guests and knew everyone. To me you come across rude here, sorry to say.

[u/Tanooki-san → u/shiinachan]

I agree. I wouldn’t expect Jill to come alone. It’s one person you don’t know in exchange for Jill’s comfort. Bfd. You sound like a bridezilla. Id probably do what Jill did and dump you for being such a diva over a single guest you don’t know. Some people find it very difficult to attend events alone. Social anxiety, etc. Jill didn’t want to come alone. Coming alone to a wedding is not fun, unless you are family, know everyone, and even then, everyone is usually coupled up. I one had to attend a wedding of a good friend, my husband was a best man, and they made him sit for dinner at a table with the wedding party and made me sit alone at a table of strangers and kids. Wow, that truly sucked. Never again.
So yeah, bravo Jill.

[u/altitude-adjusted → u/Tanooki-san]

This will shock you but here it goes:

Jill: Hi Bride, we love you and Other Bride but Bill can come. I'm really self-conscious and uncomfortable in a crowd but I'd love to come.

Brides: Jill - no problem! We love you and really want you to come. You know Rachel and Ross are coming and you know them really well - didn't you go to Cabo with them last year? How about if you come with Ross and Rachel and we'll sit you with them?

See, it's not that hard to not be a rude, entitled, demanding, and ultimately lousy friend.

[u/Tanooki-san → u/altitude-adjusted]

Not shocked at all. Did you just make that up just now? Nice conversation. Wonder if that’s how it actually went.

[u/altitude-adjusted → u/Tanooki-san]

Yes, I just made that up as an example of how the couple could have responded, except Bill&Jill ended the friendship rather than showing even the slightest social grace and understanding.