r/weddings • u/NMCICT544 • 8d ago
Ideas to include fiancé's stepbrothers in wedding
My fiance has two stepbrothers who are 19 year old twins. Fiance has gotten closer to them in recent years. My fiance has picked six groomsmen. We are thinking about having them as ushers. We are looking at other ideas except for readers because we are having a Catholic wedding and fiancé's stepmom and stepbrothers aren't religious at all.
5
u/fluffyfluffyunicorns 8d ago
They could be part of the processional (like walk down the aisle along with other immediate family) then go to their seats
3
u/Summerisle7 8d ago edited 8d ago
Do they actually want a role? I always thought usher sounded like a lot of work, when I’d rather just show up, sit in comfort and enjoy the ceremony. They’d probably appreciate the offer from their big brother though.
If they’d rather just be guests, let them do that. Be sure to include them and their mom in the family pictures.
2
3
u/ImportantBug5757 8d ago
Utilize them as greeters or ushers at both the ceremony and reception. Include them in some of the groomsmen activities as well, not all due to age, but definitely the photos.
1
u/NMCICT544 7d ago
We aren't having bachelor and bachelorette and there aren't gong to be a lot of groomsmen activities. They will be included in photos.
2
5
u/KickIt77 8d ago
I think having them as ushers is a good idea. They could be groomsman as well, you don't have to be matchy on both sides.
2
u/mleebarnett1967 8d ago
You could recognize them in the program with a brief mention. Get them a boutonniere (if the groomsmen are wearing them) which matches and signals them as part of the group without doing anything. (which they may like) Include a handwritten note telling them how much he has enjoyed them becoming closer (something like that.) and looks forward to them being part of the family. At 19? They may just be thrilled to be in audience like everyone else.
2
u/silly_goosey_goose 8d ago
Ushers is a good idea. I’ve also been to weddings where they’ve had extended family boys/men walk the MOG or grandparents down the aisle
2
2
2
u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 8d ago
19 year old boys don't want to be included in weddings. That's an awkward age
2
u/DSZOlive_6415 8d ago
It depends. I was was asked to be a groomsman in a cousin's wedding at 17 and later at 19 for a friend's wedding. There was nothing awkward for me.
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Cow_658 8d ago
Not everyone needs to be included in the wedding. People are happy to attend and celebrate their family members and friends.
If you guys really do want them involved yeah have them be ushers, direct guests to reception location, pass out party/dance floor props, etc. they can also do no religious readings too.
3
u/sunlitGlen9 8d ago
yeah the usher idea is solid, keeps them involved without making it a whole thing
1
u/Forward_Puffin_026 8d ago
I would ask the step-brothers if they would like to be involved in some way. Ask in a way that their individual answers are okay either way.
They may not be comfortable having a job or to do public speaking. At 19, they may not have a lot of experience attending weddings as adults with or without a role. They may be happy to be special guests at their step-brother's wedding. If there are programs listing the wedding oarty and immediate family members, they should be included in that. Perhaps they can enter the church with their mom and step-dad.
Maybe boutonnieres that match the other groomsmen and they can enter the church with their mom and step-dad.
1
1
u/Equivalent-Low-8071 8d ago
Is it a requirement that your ushers be catholic? If not are the stepmom & twins vehemently opposed to the catholic faith? If not why is this an issue?
1
1
u/Fair-Flower6907 7d ago
have them escort grandparents down the aisle?
1
u/NMCICT544 7d ago
None of my grandparents are alive. My fiance's grandmoter is in a memory care facility due to dementia and other medical issues. She won't be attending the wedding.
1
u/la_dulce_canela_0250 7d ago
Alot of people prefer to be regular guests. Why do they need to work? Especially if they aren't close to you.
1
u/GBPizza-4270 7d ago
OP said in the initial post that her fiancé is close to his stepbrothers. It's not only bride's wedding, it's groom's wedding too and if OP and her fiancé want to include them it should fine since they are close to the groom.
1
u/Blue_Falcon1594 7d ago
Ushers. As people enter the ceremony, have them hand out the program and walk them to their seats.
1
u/JustJoan66 7d ago
Would they want to be bubble boys in place of flower girls? I’ve seen videos of such and it was very fun if they would be into it!
1
1
u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 6d ago
My niece's half siblings (one male one female) were really hurt to be left out. She had other half and step sibs from other parent included. She had them hand out programs at the door as others were ushers.
Another idea I've seen is to have them asking folks to sign the guest book, if you're having one.
Bottom line is to ask them if they'd want to be included. That is, make sure you let them know you want to include them but won't be upset if they prefer to decline. Note: Some 19 year old would hate it, but still be glad you offered.
1
u/barredfromitall 6d ago
This would really depend on family dynamics, but I was having my dad and step-dad walk me down the aisle, I have half siblings on my both parental sides but my mom’s kids were in the wedding party, and my dad’s kids were not because they were teenagers. They wanted to be included so they handed out programs and welcomed people to the ceremony, and then they walked my mom down the aisle. After the ceremony they handed out snacks and water bottles to guests before joining in for photos.
1
u/turner-lake13 8d ago
For my family’s Catholic weddings, we have had cousins open the door for the bride.
1
-1
u/Lt-shorts 8d ago
Dopending in your guys humor you can have them as flower boys. Have them in thier suits with a fanny pack or something sprinkling flowers down the isle before they take thier seat. If you dont already have a flower girl
1
u/NMCICT544 8d ago
We already have a flower girl.
1
u/Tinkerbell_98 8d ago
If thier personality suits they could walk the flower girl down the aisle. Depending on the flower girl that could be very adorable.
1
u/Cademaneko 8d ago
Imagine them acting like Men in Black escorting the flower girl down the aisle 🤣
-1
u/TOYMoose 8d ago
Can do ring bearers and have them bring it down during the ceremony.
Bonus: Dress them like Frodo & Samwise
0
u/EvanRamsey 8d ago
They could do a reading that isn’t religious.
2
u/NMCICT544 8d ago edited 8d ago
We are having a Catholic wedding and non religious readings aren't allowed.
-1
u/EvanRamsey 8d ago
They can read the “love is patience” scripture. It’s from the Bible but it’s not a religious focused passage.
0
0
u/Carolann0308 8d ago
The groomsman also serve as your ushers
The brothers can ask people to sign the guest book.
Everyone doesn’t need to be given a job
1
0
u/ExcitingVegetable315 8d ago
You can also have them do readings in the mass. Or they can walk the holy host down the aisle to the priest.
0
u/False-Average-9368 8d ago
Are you having a full Mass?
Perhaps they can read the Prayer of the Faithful?
They can also serve as greeters/ushers or bring the gifts to the Altar.
1
u/NMCICT544 7d ago
We are having a full Mass. As I've stated my fiance's stepbrothers and stepmother aren't religious. They aren't comfortable doing any religious tasks or duties.
1
u/False-Average-9368 7d ago
Then ushers or greeters would be your best bet.
I mean, it's a Mass, so everything is religious, yes?
Is there something they can do at the reception?
0
u/Tinkerbell_98 8d ago
Could they walk their mom down the aisle? I don't know if you want her include like this.
If you and they are up for a little bit of silly they could be ring/flower men....
Depending on thier personalities they could host thr guest book or have something special during the reception.
You might ask if this is something they want or would find meaningful.
0
u/Prestigious-Fan3122 8d ago
I think making them usher is PERFECT! Ring bearers our children, and ushers are adults. I think that would be a lovely way to include them!
Short of that, could you have one of them escort the Groom's mother to her seat, and the other one escort the grooms grandmother (if there is one, or another close, female relative or dear family friend who has a seat of honor) to her seat?
Could they be "greeters,"so to speak, standing at the door welcoming everyone to the wedding and handing them a program, if you were going to have printed programs?
If you're having assigned seating at your reception, and you have one or two tables where you're going to have some single individuals who weren't invited to bring a plus one, or didn't have a plus one or partner to bring, you could ask each nephew to be a "Table host". He would be sort of an unofficial escort/host to the people at the table, male or female, and, if inclined to, he could ask the ladies (men, if he prefers) to dance and so on. Offer to get them another drink, you know: the host stuff.
1
u/NMCICT544 7d ago
We aren't doing assigned seating. My fiance's mom will be escorted by her husband. My fiance's remaining grandmother has dementia and is unlikely to attend due to multiple health issues and she lives in a memory care facility.
1
u/Prestigious-Fan3122 7d ago
If it's a small facility, and if you and your husband have the energy and resources to do so, could you speak to the director and set up a time, maybe on a Sunday afternoon shortly after your wedding, for both of you to get dressed back up in your wedding Winery and get some sort of white, frosted cake, even a sheet cake from Sam’s, with one of those old school, traditional "bride and Groom" toppers, and go and share "wedding cake" and punch with all of the residence? She would be the STAR of her memory care facility! It wouldn't be terribly expensive. Hell, if I knew you, I'd pay for the cake and punch, and some paper plates and forks to serve it with so it's not to make trouble for the staff. Of course, you'd have to get permission. Maybe even play your first dance song, and do a little first dance in front of the old folks.
They would probably ADORE that!
1
u/NMCICT544 6d ago
My fiancé's grandmother is several hours away in a neighboring state. She doesn't remember my fiancé anymore, and if we tried something like that it would just be more confusing for her.
•
u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Welcome to r/weddings!
• No piracy. • Be respectful. • Keep discussions weddings-related.
Report rule-breaking content to help the moderation team.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.