I am so relieved that I found this subreddit so I could have at least one outlet for these feelings and hopefully have someone understanding how I feel.

I have been wanting to have children ever since I was together with my first boyfriend even though I was not actively thinking about it as much before. Before my current partner I had a very violent and abusive relationship, which I’ve been healing from for around 4 years now and it’s going well. I graduated some while ago and just recently started my first job ever, but the job is not what I’m educated for so the pay is not the best. We’ve also lived together with my current partner for less than a year. So basically new job and new living situation are not the best grounds for even thinking about starting to try. I have a study loan to pay, which makes saving money even harder currently.

I’m very happy with what I have at the moment, but I’m so sad about not being further with my life already. I blame myself a lot for having a bad relationship in my past, because it feels like it took some years worth of progress that I could’ve done towards the life I want. In the middle of this grief it feels like all I see is people having children and getting pregnant. I find it very difficult to be happy for the people around me starting families when my sadness is swallowing me. People tell me that I still have time and that I just took a different path, but it doesn’t bring me comfort at all. At the same time some people already ask me about baby plans and every time it happens I feel like I get a little broken inside.

My partner is also very aware of our current new living situation and my new job, so he tells me that we need to take time before discussing about having kids and not stress it. It’s good that he’s not stressed like I am, but sometimes it makes me feel like maybe he doesn’t want to have children that badly after all. He has always answered that he wants that but now it’s not the time. There will be several years ahead of me where I’m not going to be able to start trying or planning and it makes me almost depressed.

Mostly I wrote this here to get this out of my system because I haven’t been able to truly tell these feelings to anyone without feeling embarrassed. Hopefully there’s someone who understands this grief.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for it, but it feels that it's likely something a lot of us have thought about.

I'm specifically talking about wanted and planned pregnancies here.

I've noticed that when someone sets up a surprise/gets a present to tell their partner or family that they're pregnant, a lot of the time the surprise gets ruined by the person making a jokey comment like "is this a pregnancy announcement or something?" And you can see the excitement drain from the face of the pregnant person.

Maybe it's just me, but pleaaaaase can people stop doing that? In my opinion part of the excitement is the surprised reaction! If you guess it before you even get there, it dampens the moment. If you think you know, pretend you don't and act surprised! Or if you're someone who wears subtitles on their face and it's obvious you know, make your reaction so much bigger. Get really excited and hug them, jump up and down with them, spin them around or do something that (for them) shows how excited you are.

I can't stand to see the indifference, or the "yeah I knew it" in a flat tone (I'm autistic, I know tone isn't always something we can help), especially if you're someone who screams and shouts about your favourite sport, but replies flatly to your partner when they share the news.

Idk maybe I'm just in my head about it because I've seen it so many times now. It's probably very subjective.

Is there anyone out there that would prefer their partner to have guessed by the time they open their present/get to see the surprise, or who doesn't like the overly excitable reactions?

I worry about a lot of things when it comes to having kids lol! This subreddit is a nice place to share.

People always tell me "that's never gonna happen don't worry" well first off, disabled people are actually a fairly large portion of the population, yes it's not the most likely outcome but its absolutely far more common than most people realize. Also my personal family has quite a few people with disabilities. My brother has autism and he didn't need that many accommodations, especially as he got older my cousin has much higher support needs. There are more people in my family on both sides whom have disabilities that require lifelong care.

It feels like another layer to consider and think about what I will do. I think trying to learn as much as I can about disabilities and child development is a good first step, also saving money. I have read online that while the costs of raising a child without disabilities is around 300 to 400 thousand by age 18. The cost of raising a child with developmental disabilities is often around 1.2 million by age 18 and can cost even more depending on severity.

Maybe I am overthinking this, but if I am able to become a parent I want to feel prepared to support and care for my children, regardless of anything.

My mom is dying from cancer. I’ve had a strong pull to have another baby (currently have 5 and 2.5 year old) throughout this cancer process with my mom. My husband and I discussed TTC in January ‘27. I’m having a hard time with the fact that my OB and hospital I’d deliver at are the same places as my mom’s cancer treatment. I have my OB appt next month to get my iud taken out and it’s the same medical building as my mom’s oncologist. When I walk through the hospital it makes me think of my last daughter’s birth, but is now tainted with being here for my mom’s cancer journey. I believe she’ll be moving toward hospice soon. I’m worried that it’ll be triggering for me to go to my OB that’s in the same building as her oncologist and delivering at the same hospital where she’s been so sick at. My husband thinks it may be therapeutic. It hasn’t helped that we’ve had some pretty bad experiences with some of the departments at the hospital, so that worries me for labor/delivery (although I had a wonderful experience delivering my second). I’ve been looking up new obs at a different health system but really like my OB and don’t know if I want to start over somewhere else.

So anyways, I was curious if anyone has had an experience similar to this and what you ended up doing?

TIA!

Hello! Long time lurker, first time poster 😅 My husband and I (both 29) have been working toward being ready for a baby since we got married 4 years ago. I’ve had baby fever in varying intensity for at least that long, probably a few years before that. The wait has gotten particularly unbearable lately since some people close to us are starting to have babies.

We’ve had a general timeline of around when we turned 30, but buying a house last year was more expensive than planned. We really want to make sure we’re in a good place financially, that’s been our main reason for waiting.

There’s a family trip tentatively planned for August 2027, and we finally agreed to start TTC after that trip. This is a huge deal for me because it’s the first time we’ve had a firm date to work toward. I’ve already started researching and early preconception prep.

But I’m realizing that if we did conceive sometime in the fall of next year, my due date would be in the summer. I’ve always said I wanted to avoid being heavily pregnant in the summer because it’s my least favorite season and I’m already more miserable then. I’m heat sensitive and get overstimulated very easily when the weather is hot and sticky.

It wouldn’t be ideal, but being pregnant would also be a great excuse to stay inside in the AC all summer and avoid situations where I could get overheated, which is what I want to do anyway.

We’ve been waiting for so long that I might just say screw it and start trying, summer due date or not. There’s almost no telling when we’d actually get pregnant, so it may turn out to be a nonissue anyway.

What would you do in my situation? Or if you have had a due date in the summer, how bad was it overheating-wise?

Thank you!!

TLDR: my husband and I have been waiting/prepping for years and finally have a date in mind to start TTC. But if I got pregnant within the first few months of trying, I’d be heavily pregnant in the summer, which I’m worried about due to heat sensitivity. Not sure if we should wait a few more months or just go for it.

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I'm 28, getting married March 2027 and my fiancé and I are WTT until (at least) mid 2028. I have INSANE baby fever and would love to start trying right after our wedding but we're deliberately waiting to save for pregnancy, delivery, baby expenses and maternity leave. I've spent hours researching, budgeting, and making spreadsheets to calculate a monthly realistic savings plan to reach our financial end goal.

We're postponing something we desperately want because we believe being adults means making financially responsible decisions, even when they suck.

Meanwhile, my older sister (37) has been not only financially supported by our parents throughout adulthood but also gotten some (what I would title) "luxuries": debts paid off, new furniture and hand-me-downs, a new kitchen, divorce costs, groceries, etc.

Now they're planning to give her a couple thousand euros to attend my wedding in Mexico (my partner is mexican and we have been living here the past year), despite her knowing about it for over 18 months. Apparently, she hasn't saved enough.

When I can't afford a future cost, I save for it. When my older sister can't afford something, my parents pay for it.

She had a child without being financially prepared, and my parents repeatedly stepped in. Meanwhile, I'm actively postponing my biggest life dream of motherhood.

And the cherry on top? My younger sister told me our parents talk about how I'm too organized, too obsessed with planning, and overthinking my future.

So apparently I'm ridiculous for planning two years ahead for my wedding (to give everyone enough time to save) and another two years to afford a baby, but not planning ahead or saving at all is fine...

I love my parents and am incredibly grateful for everything they've done for us. It's their money, and they can do whatever they want with it. I'm not asking them to stop helping her or give me and my little sister anything.

But it feels like I'm making sacrifices while my older sister doesn't have to because our parents always catch her.

And somehow, my reward for being responsible is getting less support. Great.

Anyway, just needed to vent. Thanks lol

I (F32) am engaged to my fiancé (M36). We’ve been together 3 years, living together for 2,5 years and are getting married next October.

I have PCOS, endometriosis, and I’m severely overweight. I’ve been trying everything I can to lose weight for my own health, but also so my body is healthy for pregnancy. I’m trying to stay busy working on that, but even that, I feel like my body will never be healthy enough to get pregnant.

But, I can’t even try.

My partner and I have both agreed to wanting kids, but like many on here, timing is the thing. He’s not comfortable because he wants more financial stability and he “hasn’t gotten the feeling yet”. Meanwhile, I feel what little bit of a fertile window I have is whittling away.

We just got in an argument because I was trying to tell him some of my feelings about how it feels like I have to lead this area of our life with planning and what not since he has to wait on “a feeling” which is so vague and gives me the feeling may never happen.

I feel like giving up on whatever hope I have of Onw day being a mother. I’ve wanted to be a mom for over a decade, and have made trying to lose weight and boost my fertility my whole focus for that long, but he’s just “I’m not thinking about it”.

My heart hurts, and he’s very much so an amazing partner in so many other ways, but this is an area that has been a source of hurt for a bit. And it doesn’t help when we’re literally almost the only ones in the family and friend social circles that don’t have kids.

Any advice on how to cope?

(I am 30F and husband is 35M) Just got married Sept 6, but have been together 8 years. I am dying to have a kid. I will say sometimes I’m like oh lord idk if I’m ready. I do need to get a bit healthier, I’m on my way to quitting vaping went from 25% nic to 3% and once this one is done it’ll be 0%. My partner on the other hand hasn’t began quitting yet unfortunately so OTHER than those 2 facts, what would u do? We wont try until were vape free & I lose at least 15 lbs (so i’m giving us 2-3 months).

Now… I wont lie like I have some credit card debt, I’m still paying off student loans (200$ month), we don’t have a lot of savings but we have good jobs we don’t recklessly spend our $ but like its been difficult to save. We also want to rent a house, were in a small apt right now. But I always said like hey we could move while I’m pregnant lol. I also just got independent contractor EI in September so I need to have it for min 12 mths before getting Mat leave pay properly (im a temp hygienist)

We do want to go to Mexico in December and Japan next year too…

Sooo actually as I write this everything is telling me.. just fkn wait lol. At least one year to get all of the above out of the way & figured out. But I’m curious like, if u were me and dying to have a child… and in 3 mths vape free & all. Would u just begin to try? What if it takes a while u know??

I will admit like I just want a child selfishly, I want to make our parents excited, I want something to look forward to, I want to love & care for my child, I want to kiss it and feed it and cuddle it and teach it & just give my all to it. Ive done everything (other than those 2 trips above) in my life ive wanted to do.

So, would u wait probably one year… at the least like 6 months to save $, pay off debt, move & vacation or would u begin trying now and just do your best?

Please be kind!!!! Thanks ❤️❤️

Congratulations! Please share your graduation news here!

Please discuss you current goals and plans! However, please save graduation news for the monthly graduation thread.

I’m waiting for my period to start. I’m on cycle day 33, but my period is all over the place & consistently late so there’s still a good chance I could be getting it. but I’ve been so tired the past few days which I think could be an early symptom of pregnancy. But could also just be from my sleep schedule being messed up from the weekend. another thing is i haven’t had my normal pms symptoms show up yet which is weird.

Idk just need to get my thoughts out…

Hi everyone, I just need to get this off my chest and find people who can relate. This year I (31F) moved in with my boyfriend (30M) after doing long distance for 2 years. I had hoped that after I found a job, that later in the year we could start trying to grow our family. Our relationship is in a good place, and based on our conversations I always thought we were on the same (time)line when it comes to having kids.

I used to dream of becoming a mom before I turned 29, but life has thrown me many curveballs the last 10 years and it just did not turn out that way. At this point I am so ready to take that next step, but my boyfriend is holding it off because he wants to buy a house first. For context: in our country it becomes nearly impossible to get a houseloan once you have kids, at least with our finances it would. It is not just my boyfriend, his parents and friends tell me this too. I understand how this is an important and completely sensible requirement, but it makes me feel so stuck. As if life is giving me a new reason to wait every time I think I am taking a step toward that 'goal'.

It is hard to see all my friends become moms and even my boyfriend's friends start families. I am happy for them, but it hurts like hell being confronted with that. I am 31, time is ticking (or so it feels). There are many other big and small factors to this, but I think I nagged on long enough. Thank you for listening.

Are there other people that are dying to start trying, but are postponing because life keeps throwing them curveballs too? When will it be our turn?

Hi there!

My Fiancé and I are getting married in September next year (already booked in!!) after we hopefully buy a little farm (we’ve been looking at properties at the moment, we are just waiting for the right thing to come along), we have recently had a big conversation about timeline because we are both desperate for a family and decided that, as long as we buy the farm prior, we both would like to start trying in October next year.

That all being said, I’m sure you all know that the waiting game is difficult and even setting a timeline doesn’t do much for the massively ingrained desire to start trying asap.

As a crafty person myself, I’ve decided that I’m going to start sewing, knitting, crocheting and crafting some things for a future child to ease my desire to start now. I was wondering if anyone is taking the same approach, if it helped and what sorta things they made as well so I can get some ideas!

Hey
Ich bin 23 und seit Mai werden meine Zyklen immer länger.
Ich hatte ungefähr 33 Tage zyklus und im Juni waren es 44 Tage, Juli 35 Tage, September 51 Tage und heute bin ich Zyklustag 40. Hab seit 4 Tagen krämpfe aber keine Periode.
Ich wollte nach diesem Zyklus anfangen zu versuchen
Ich habe aber richtig angst wegen die langen zyklen.
Ich hatte Ultraschall letzte woche, Re Eistock unauffällig, Li. War nicht zu finden da laut Arzt hinter mein darm versteckt momentan. und Gebährmutter unauffällig.
Bluttest sollte nach meiner periode erfolgen sowie erneut Ultraschall.
Was meint ihr?
Bin echt besorgt.

31F here and boyfriend 31M as well. Almost one year living together and almost 15 as a couple.

Every day that passes I get more and more sick of waiting for my bf to say yes. I can’t stop envisioning myself pregnant or as a mom. It’s constantly on my mind and I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle. I just want to be a mother so badly and I’m tired of putting that dream on hold.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll give him until January to make up his mind. If he’s still on the fence by then, I’ll pursue IVF on my own.

I love him, but I don’t want to keep waiting indefinitely for something that means so much to me.

My husband (30M) and I (27F) have been married for 2 years and had always planned to have our first child by the 3rd anniversary/after 3 years of marriage. We had a lot of difficult conversations about timelines because I felt ready about a year to 1.5 years in, but we’ve moved past that and are on the same page. We settled on beginning TTC in November and have been making lifestyle changes in preparation.

However, I’ve been looking to change jobs and have been applying for the past couple of months with not much positive feedback. Now, that we’re a couple weeks away from November (my ovulation window is 1st week of November so it’s literally go time once into November 1st) I’ve been getting a lot of call backs and interviews. I’m about to have a second round interview with a company that could potentially offer me a 20-25% raise….only thing is their maternity leave is 6 weeks. I know that’s kinda the standard here in the US, but my current job offers 4 months fully paid which is amazing. I just don’t know if I should continue to stay at a job I feel unfulfilled at because of the maternity leave.

I know it could take months to get pregnant, so I don’t know if staying at my current job would be a wise move. We plan to buy a house next year and this extra income would be really critical in help in us achieve that goal, as well covering childcare expenses.

TLDR: Should I stay at my current job that offers 4 months paid maternity leave, or consider another job with only 6 weeks paid leave but 20-25% raise in base salary?

My husband (31) and I (29) have got the fever bad. My brother and SIL just had a baby (emergency c-section at 29 weeks but everyone is doing great), our great friends just had a baby this week after we furnished their nursery for them, we have cousins and step siblings all having babies and we adore it.

My husband works full time in construction but spends an additional 15 hours a week commuting. That's the first thing we want to fix. But our rent is currently insanely cheap, especially with roommates. I also want to own a home before having a baby as someone who was afraid of landlords and evictions at a young age.

The real thing I had to put my foot down about is what I do for work. On paper I am unemployed lol. But I full time take care of my husband's grandmother. She's 88, has multiple health issues, and goes in and out of the hospital throughout the year. I take her to multiple appointments a week, do her chores, etc. When she is especially unwell I dress her and feed her and clean her. She still insists on living on her own but i know that will not be the case forever. My husband would like her to move in with us when we look to buy or if we move to another rental closer to his work to cut down on his commute. Overall this sounds great. I don't have to go to her house every day, I can just do all the chores at once, I can be there immediately if she needs help or in case of emergency.

I never ever wanted to be a nurse, like, ever. It's so not for me. I have incredible anxiety over finding her dead. I've been put in tons of difficult dicision making positions for her. All on top of the diagnosed PTSD I have from caring for my grandmother and watching her pass very traumatically on my own years ago.

I imagine myself with a baby. I imagine strolling through a garden and showing the baby the flowers and holding them and making them laugh. But the second I imaging having my husband's grandmother on one arm (she refuses a walker) and pushing a stroller at the same time, shivers roll down my spine. I simply cannot feed a baby and cook for a picky elderly woman (whom I love, but still.) and have a life all at the same time. So I put my foot down and said that unless things drastically change and I have some more time and less responsibilities, we cannot have a baby. There is other family around if you can believe it. But because I've been unemployed for so long and taken over her care for so many years, I have become the default caretaker. I know this work won't last forever, and I know that I will be glad that I did so much to help her while I could. But it is a lot for me.

I guess for more context I have tried getting jobs with my degree, to no avail. All of my internships were cancelled during covid and it was too expensive to go to grad school. I am also trained as a florist by trade but in the current economy and the area I live in it's impossible to find anything more than gig work, which I do whenever I can.

EDIT: We do not recieve IHSS money because she makes $200 over the income cap. We have had extensive meetings and calls and emails with social workers about this, but have been denied multiple times.

33f and I've been waiting for so long and this is the month we finally start!!!

Hopefully this is my last menstrual cycle. I am so excited. Yesterday I walked through the baby section of Target and just felt so emotional. Its so close.

Please pass on positive vibes. I really really really hope I get pregnant easily. 🙏🙏🙏

Sigh. A close friend announced a pregnancy and I wish it were me. I’m extremely happy for the couple and they’re honestly ready to be parents, but I can’t help feeling jealous that it’s not me. Right now my husband and I are doing very well financially and emotionally, but we’re in the pits of a renovation that’s holding us back from starting a family. The house we bought two years ago ended up being a bit of a money pit and has been an active construction zone ever since. We want to get through 80% of the full gut reno before we start trying for kids, but I’m over it. I want to be done with the “renovation chapter” of our lives and move on to the next one, but I feel like it would be overwhelming for kids to overlap with this phase of life. We’re in agreement to start trying next summer, but I wish it were sooner. I’m also terrified that getting/staying pregnant will be a challenge for me. I have zero evidence to support this, it’s purely my mind coming up with new ways to keep me up at night.

Hi everyone! ❤️ I’d really appreciate some advice and to hear about your experiences.
I’m in my late 20s, and my husband and I have been actively trying to conceive for around three months. I’m trying to understand my cycle better and whether there is anything I should be concerned about.

My menstrual cycle and ovulation
My cycles are usually around 30–33 days, with an average of approximately 31–32 days. However, every 4–5 months, I sometimes have a longer cycle of around 37–40 days. This has been happening for a couple of years.
When I was younger, my periods were much more irregular, but they have gradually become more regular over time.
The main thing I’ve noticed recently is that my ovulation day can vary quite significantly. Last month, I believe I ovulated around cycle day 19–20, whereas this month I didn’t get a positive ovulation test until cycle day 27. My temperature then started rising a few days later.

I track my basal body temperature every morning and use LH ovulation tests. I understand that a positive LH test doesn’t confirm ovulation on its own, but the subsequent temperature rise makes me think that ovulation probably occurred.
Because ovulation happened so late this month, my period is also expected to arrive later than usual.

My luteal phase
I’m also trying to understand whether my luteal phase might be too short. Based on my previous cycles, I estimate that it has been around 10–13 days, although I’m not completely certain about the exact ovulation dates.

This month, I’m paying closer attention to the number of days between ovulation and my period because I want to know whether my body has enough time to support a possible pregnancy.
Has anyone experienced a luteal phase of around 10–12 days and still conceived naturally?

My ultrasound results and concerns about PCO/PCOS
I was previously investigated for PCOS, and I’ve received somewhat confusing information.
One ultrasound report stated that I had bilateral PCO, meaning polycystic ovarian morphology in both ovaries. However, the same doctor also documented that everything looked normal and that my ovaries were not particularly polycystic.
The report also described my uterus as anteverted, with a thin, regular endometrium, and no free fluid in the pouch of Douglas.

I had an earlier gynaecological assessment in 2020, when my hormone results were considered normal and I was told that I did not have PCOS.
As far as I understand, having ovaries that look polycystic on ultrasound does not automatically mean you have PCOS. However, I’m wondering whether this appearance, combined with my occasionally long cycles and late ovulation, could indicate something worth investigating.

I would love to hear from anyone who has PCO on ultrasound but does not meet the criteria for PCOS.

My previous pregnancy
I have been pregnant before, a couple of years ago. It happened shortly after my partner and I first met, and it was the first time we had ever been intimate with each other. I chose to have an abortion because we had only just met and were not ready to start a family.
Now that we are actively trying to conceive, I sometimes wonder whether my previous pregnancy is a reassuring sign regarding my fertility.

Our current TTC journey
We have been trying for approximately three months:
During our first cycle, we did not use ovulation tests and only had intercourse once, completely outside what turned out to be my fertile window.
During the following two cycles, I used ovulation tests to identify my fertile window more accurately.
I now track both my LH tests and basal body temperature to understand when I ovulate.
I know that three months is still a relatively short time to be trying, and I understand that pregnancy does not necessarily happen immediately, even when everything is normal.

However, because my ovulation can happen so late and my cycles occasionally extend to 37–40 days, I’m wondering whether I should simply continue tracking my cycles or consider further investigations.

I’m not necessarily looking for a diagnosis. I would just love to hear from women who have experienced similar cycles, late ovulation or PCO findings without a PCOS diagnosis.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experiences! ❤️

Female (29) and husband (33) are waiting to try. I took a new job and get enhanced maternity pay (UK based) from my employer after meeting a certain length of service. The earliest we can try based on this is January27.

If it weren’t for this, we would have started trying by now, so it is a waiting game!

We have been working on our health for the last year - more seriously for the last few months (eating healthy, exercising, supplementing, cutting down on alcohol) to try to prepare.

We have booked a family trip to New York with my parents for May27 to celebrate a number of occasions - my 30th, parents 20th wedding anniversary, 10 years of my husband and I being together.

We are thinking to try in Jan27 & Feb27. If we luckily fall pregnant, then I’d estimate I’d be anywhere between 15-20 weeks approx come the holiday looking at my predicted cycles. Based on research, this seems to be a good time to fly/travel while pregnant if you’re going to do it. I know there’s no guarantee on how I might feel / any potential complications limiting travel, but I am being optimistic!

If it doesn’t happen, we are considering pausing trying and re-starting after our May trip. Reason being is that I am worried about how I might feel in the first trimester as I want to enjoy the holiday.

I know we will never know how I will feel until I’m in it, and that plans will always get in the way, but I can’t help worrying about this, and what the best idea is. I don’t love the idea of waiting, but I also don’t want to ruin my holiday, or lose money by not being able to fly. I will take out travel insurance prior to trying but haven’t researched much into what is covered/not covered with insurance when it comes to travel yet.

We have also considered waiting to start trying all together until after the trip.

Any thoughts / opinions welcome. It is playing on my mind! I’m interested to know what others would do. Thank you!