r/ukpolitics • u/winkwinknudge_nudge • 13h ago
Suicide rates highest ever among middle-aged men
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/10/13/suicide-rates-highest-ever-among-middle-aged-men/392
u/Initial_Shame4309 13h ago
As someone who is now well out of their 20's I now get it. The goals you had in life you realise aren't going to work out, how you thought life was going to look just isn't going to happen despite how hard you tried to make it work. You have a string of failure behind you that haunts you everyday be that relationships, mistakes or something you wanted and didn't get.
Then you have to realise who you were isn't a thing either. My identity of who I was in my 20s isn't physically possible any more and it's just a slow decline now and it isn't going to get better, it's hard to accept even when you know it's just the reality of the situation.
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u/ameraden 13h ago edited 9h ago
The goals you had in life you realise aren't going to work out, how you thought life was going to look just isn't going to happen despite how hard you tried to make it work.
It's the economy. Plot male suicide against financial crisis, and you find that when the economy is bad male suicide rises.
Edit: You can get help here, or here, or call 111. Don't suffer in silence.
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u/Thomas5020 11h ago
This is just it. But instead they'll bang on about mental health awareness and funding, instead of just making the world a tolerable place to live.
I'm in my mid 20s. Every day is hell, there is no future and I'm unsure why I even go to work now because every day I'm poorer than the last.
No matter how hard you work, no matter what you do, nothing changes. The same hell. Every day. Forever.
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u/HotMachine9 9h ago
Definitely.
Someone can have ambition and drive yet the economy prevents meaningful career progression, which in turns limits expendable income, which in turn limits mobility, social opportunities, etc.
Support can be life saving dont get me wrong. But if there's no opportunity, no positive prospects for the foreseeable future be it politically, economically or socially, then you cant expect people to have positive mental health.
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u/Thomas5020 9h ago
Literally. The only chance I have at owning my own home, is waiting on my entire family to die and leave me theirs.
And people wonder why people my age are unhappy? Take a wild guess. Our labour is entirely worthless.
Support needs to be there because there'll always be somebody struggling, but the root cause of the surge in mental health issues and suicide over the past 10 or so years is (in my view) entirely driven by economic factors. Until there is hope for a future, things will continue to get worse.
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u/wintersrevenge 8h ago
But instead they'll bang on about mental health awareness and funding, instead of just making the world a tolerable place to live.
There is no they, the world is the world and there isn't much anyone can do about it... The male suicide rate in the UK is somewhat middling globally. There are countries with higher ones where people have better standard of living and worse standard of living. It's on you to solve your problems as no one will solve it for you
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u/TaxOwlbear 6h ago
Mate, the issue is precisely that there are too many problems we can't solve by ourselves. Did you even read what OP wrote?
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u/FatherPaulStone 10h ago
As someone in their mid 40's the economy really is crippling me. I'm significantly less well off than I was 10 years ago. My wages have not kept up with inflation, I've been unable to get promotions or a new job, but the mortgage hasn't gone down and bills have gone up. As a family we're looking at alternative income streams, to ensure we don't go under in the next coupel of years.
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u/Exceedingly 10h ago
This is it. I lost my job and was out of work for a year due to the pandemic, wasn't entitled to furlough and I soon burned through my meager savings and ended up going £15k into debt just to pay for rent and other contracted commitments. I had no family to support me so every day was just digging a deeper and deeper hole. Lowest point of my life and I thought about suicide every day.
And I didn't tell anyone because why would you? No one's just going to write you a cheque for thousands. The sad thing about this is that there could be people just like that around you every day and you would never know until they just disappear from your life one day.
Any recession brings job losses and soon more and more people end up past the point of desperation.
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u/n0neofyourbeeswax 9h ago
One of the many reasons we need something closer to unemployment insurance, anchored to previous earnings, rather than the current benefits system.
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u/bebbibabey 12h ago
Tell men their entire value in life is have family make money be strong then of course we end up in this position
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u/Xenumbra 10h ago
What other purpose is there really? We want to survive as a species. Your brain is supposed to reward you for having kids and a family otherwise how would humans survive?
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u/JuniorMintClub 10h ago
Somehow we've manage to make a society where women feel there's more to life than having children
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u/Xenumbra 9h ago
Societies that don't have kids will be replaced by those that do. Or at least completely die out. The fact that pensioners are the go to for welfare spending is completely insane.
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u/NoticingThing 6h ago
That society is slowly dying due to low birth rates and has resulted to actively importing people from societies that disagree with it.
The purpose of life is to have a happy family and children, societies that don't die out.
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u/One-Network5160 7h ago
I mean, we're not animals or at least we shouldn't behave like them. There's more to life than sex.
Science, charity, building something with your hands, research, adventure, travel. There's so many other things beyond procreation.
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u/convertedtoradians 9h ago
I suspect it's not quite as simple as that. No more than women and motherhood and nurturing roles is purely women being "told" something. You're likely dealing with interactions between deep seated inbuilt preferences, whether genetic or "just" deeply cultural, and the modern world. Inability to express that is bound to lead to frustration.
The telling comes after the reality, as it were, not before.
The solution can't just be - for example - "tell men they don't have to be strong or make money". Or even "build a society in which men don't need to be strong or make money".
And part of it might be that, hey, in the modern world, with a sophisticated State and social safety net, there are deep-seated things in men that just aren't helpful and are even harmful. The amount of those attributes we need are smaller than the supply, and actually we could ideally use more women. (Unless or until there's a war and - per Ukraine - millions of men are needed to die).
That's not pleasant but it could be the reality. I'm not sure what that implies, but it's probably worth facing head on.
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u/One-Network5160 7h ago
I suspect it's not quite as simple as that.
I suspect it is. Because you don't see this with women, who live in the same economy.
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u/convertedtoradians 7h ago
That only works if one assumes that men and women are identical except for what society 'tells them', and that society puts identical pressures on them.
If that's true, then the fact they respond differently to the same environment must be down to what they're 'told', by definition.
It's not obvious that's true, though. Not only might men and women have more fundamental differences beyond what they're instantaneously told (whether generic or deep seated cultural), but it's not obvious the environment is the same for them even in the "same economy".
Of course, men and women are mostly the same. Overwhelmingly, it's a reasonable model to assume they are, most of the time. But I don't think it's reasonable to carry that assumption into a case where we see an extreme case of behaviour - in this case, suicide. That's where it's especially worth seeing where that assumption doesn't hold.
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u/One-Network5160 7h ago
That only works if one assumes that men and women are identical except for what society 'tells them', and that society puts identical pressures on them.
No, the point is the pressure is not the same, hence the difference in outcome.
but it's not obvious the environment is the same for them even in the "same economy".
Yeah, that's the point, women are treated differently so they don't feel the effects of the economy as harshly.
But I don't think it's reasonable to carry that assumption into a case where we see an extreme case of behaviour - in this case, suicide.
But that's exactly when you should look more closely so you fix it, otherwise the consequences are extreme, as you say.
That's where it's especially worth seeing where that assumption doesn't hold.
But it does hold. We're talking about national averages, not Joe vs Jane.
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u/timeofdepth 12h ago
had a feeling this was part of the issue, also wondering if dei is playing a part too tbh
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u/Bignizzle656 12h ago
It's generally the pressure to be a provider. Closely followed by the failure in doing that.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 12h ago
I’ll ease your wondering, it’s not dei, it’s the economy and atomisation
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u/double-happiness 10h ago
I've made around 800 job applications in the past few months, and IME employers almost never do any kind of equal opportunities monitoring for socioeconomic background. I think that is a big part of the problem personally - when it comes to gender, race, disability, or LGBT, organisations (especially in the public sector) will bend over backwards in the name of inclusivity, but when it comes to socioeconomic background, meh, not so much.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 10h ago
I think positive discrimination for lower socioeconomic classes would be a great idea and would do a lot to curb nepotism and structural barriers
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u/Significant-Bite2948 10h ago
Positive discrimination is why people have no respect for discrimination laws and the far right can get a lot of support by pledging to remove them.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 10h ago
I feel like “this is why the far right is popular” is such a thought terminating cliche in politics
Sure, it’s an evocative issue that is often utilised very effectively for rhetoric and division, but you’re going to actually need to explain to me why the policy would be a bad thing for society for me to disagree with it, beyond “because right wingers don’t like it”
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u/timeofdepth 12h ago
it can always be all of the above
it'd be weird if dei had no negative effect on men's employment in a not so great economy to say the least because it either is or the policy isn't working but it's kinda hard to get figures on the whole thing from a quick google
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u/DonkeySorbet 9h ago
DEI is absolutely a factor.
Specifically the fact that White Men are consistently held at the bottom of the totem pole.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 9h ago
If you kill yourself because of DEI you probably spend too much time on the internet
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u/DonkeySorbet 9h ago
Only because of that? Perhaps. Though a person's feelings and reasons aren't invalidated just because you personally disagree with them.
As a factor however? That's a different situation.
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u/HighWaterSheriff 12h ago edited 12h ago
What do you mean, because those benefitting are 'stealing the jobs' or because those who would have benefitted are being stung by a toning down of such policies in the private sector? Either way I suspect it has fuck all to do with this and you're shoehorning in something you don't like or making a shit joke about Jason Arday, but I'm keen to hear your reasoning.
Edit: Keep downvoting. I'm a white middle-aged man and I have only benefitted from inclusiveness policies - as someone with a chronic, incurable illness that can be disabling I have had to have reasonable adjustments made at work occasionally - it has not adversely affected my career, I've not been out of work in over 15 years. I'm not so sure without legal protection that would be the case. Wish people would stop cutting off their nose to spite their face...
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u/DonkeySorbet 9h ago
Edit: Keep downvoting. I'm a white middle-aged man and I have only benefitted from inclusiveness policies - as someone with a chronic, incurable illness that can be disabling I have had to have reasonable adjustments made at work occasionally
That's not an inclusiveness policy based on your gender or ethnicity though is it?
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u/HighWaterSheriff 9h ago
Of course not, but it's a fundamental part of the overarching equality laws that are included within "DEI", a bloody awful American term that has been imported here by those who follow MAGA rhetoric. Why am I to assume that's ok inclusivity, but other inclusivity measures are not?
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u/DonkeySorbet 9h ago
Of course not, but it's a fundamental part of the overarching equality laws that are included within "DEI", a bloody awful American term that has been imported here by those who follow MAGA rhetoric
Would you prefer a different term? Positive Discrimination? Affirmative Action? DEI means the same thing, but is shorter to write, that's all.
Why am I to assume that's ok inclusivity, but other inclusivity measures are not?
Inclusivity measures should be consigned to aspects that directly affect the ability to fulfil the role, within reason. Having lifts so that people with mobility handicaps can work for example, are good. Preferential treatment to people who just happen to have been born female is not.
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u/HighWaterSheriff 9h ago
There might be the odd instance of "social mobility" measures that benefit in a small proportion of university application processes or some isolated organisations - I do not believe "affirmative action" or "positive discrimination" are endemic to the UK though, or to blame for middle-aged male suicides or white male unemployment rates.
Unless they're just fucking sick of reading this relentless stream of culture war shit, in which case must admit I see the temptation but my preference is nuclear annihilation in my sleep.
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u/DonkeySorbet 9h ago
I do not believe "affirmative action" or "positive discrimination" are endemic to the UK though
Having worked in corporate environments for two decades, and been through education for around a decade prior, my experience differs.
Throughout my life I've seen women be bolstered and supported. I've seen people like me be pushed aside and treated as second class citizens, even mocked for it repeatedly. I've had companies pay 10% extra for female employees when they're in a majority male field (e.g. software engineering). I've seen numerous 'women in business' or 'women in management' events, and fast-tracking.
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u/HighWaterSheriff 8h ago edited 8h ago
Seen as we're both talking experiences, my experience in a male-dominated industry is that employers absolutely do not pay extra for women in construction/utilities/engineering, it's sadly often the contrary on a like for like CV in the private sector and in the public sector it's precisely the same according to band allocation tied to job title and years in that band; typically there are far fewer in management even compared to those in entry or senior roles as those who do very well in my industry tend to be the sort who are most at home on the golf course; what female senior managers there are I have found competent. Women typically have different soft skills that can be useful in this industry - e.g. less prone to starting bun fights, calmer in negotiations, fewer handshake deals based on fag packet estimates. I'm not concerned about limited progression due to female colleagues.
There are "women in STEM" events etc. my current and previous employers have taken part in, it tends to be attempting to assure older school kids and university students there is a place for them in this industry and not to be put off by blokeyness. Still don't see that as a bad thing or affirmative action, it's just advertising career opportunities and trying to widen the talent pool. The vast majority of grads and apprentices in this industry are still male.
Finally, I've had some pretty good managers and a few shit ones. All were male except one, and she happened to be the best and the most competent manager during my grad scheme, she went above and beyond to train me and set useful tasks and I most often think back to her advice out of any of my bosses still in my senior role. It's stood me in good stead.
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u/timeofdepth 12h ago
well naturally if the are government and/or company policies to hire more women, then it will happen at the expense of men
we've already had reports of the bbc turning down white men for internships and white staff being the lowest paid on average in the bbc during the rise of dei, so there's been some definite winners and losers. whilst the bbc is only one organisation, if this is what the government are doing, then you can only imagine what everyone else is doing
people will kill themselves if they can't get jobs, especially if they need one that brings a certain amount of income, and being discriminated against will make it harder for you to get a job
this is a very easy link to make, nothing about this is shoehorned. the oinly thing that gets shoehorned is people calling for discriminatory policies, and then shoehorn in getting offended by the idea of people potentially getting discriminated against because of the discriminatory policies
even with the equalities act effectively backs positive discrimination in favour of women due to past oppression or underrepresentation ffs
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u/HighWaterSheriff 12h ago edited 12h ago
Interesting (well, not really), it's usually people whining about ethnic minorities or trans people in relation to "DEI", this woman one is a new one on me.
I work for a FTSE 100 in a male-dominated profession and I have hiring responsibility. We do not give brownie points to underrepresented people and I am not worried about rejecting candidates regardless of their race, sex or background (or "protected characteristics" to use a legislative term). We just would not allow those as a reason to reject a candidate, which is fair in my view. I can't comment on the BBC but I can tell you from my experience there is no massive fucking conspiracy to put men out of jobs.
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u/Significant-Bite2948 10h ago
And yet male unemployment continues to rise, especially among white men.
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u/LittleAir 12h ago
Yeah this hits really hard. In my early 30s now and feel like a failure every day, like I fell off the track of life and can’t get back on again. Got closed to ending it around last Christmas but I’m still here
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u/iBlockMods-bot Cheltenham Tetris Champion 11h ago
Stick in there mate. We're happy you're still with us
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u/ZestyData 11h ago edited 11h ago
A lot of what you've described was true for middle aged men across modern post-war history. Yet the suicide rate has been increasing up to its highest rate ever today. What's changed between now and then? Modern life doesn't give breathing room for middle aged folk to process & grieve this natural life transition, and doesn't offer enough in that transition for people to move forward happily.
Imo comes down to:
a) social media & the internet's impact. Headlines focus on the social & mental wellbeing impacts on teenagers, but you don't become immune to the awful effects of doomscrolling once you grow older.
b) The real economy (not GDP per capita but real lived experiences) has been in decline for decades, and in a really miserable state for any working people.
The social contract is broken. At least in the late 20th century there was this idea that you could work hard and get rewarded. Get that nice house, with a garage and a garden, with your car (or two) and kids whom you take on holiday.
Nowadays hard work makes little impact to your quality of life, assets and capital are just too inflated to be within reach of what income can be earned from labour. You get your shitty little flat or tiny house in your 30s, you and your spouse both work to afford the bills so domestic function is more of a time-stressor than ever before, you can't afford kids without it stretching your budget even further. Even at work: those in big companies full of people pushing retirement age will tell you how laid back workplace culture was in the 80s, 90s. Now 'Business' has optimised for efficiency, loyalty is dead and businesses grind you down. You can't get a doctor's appointment for shit, and many streets are getting more run down.
The personal ego transition you describe was at least easier when you could lift your chin up and savour in the life you've built, and the booming world around you. Today's middle aged cohort can lift their chin up and try to savour in the life around them, but what is there to savour?
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u/Spiz101 Sciency Alistair Campbell 10h ago
Historically there were much higher rates of family formation that would give men more to live for. Yes, your life wasn't what it was supposed to be but look at your children.
These days we have huge numbers of middle aged singles, and once their parents are gone there onto be that much left for them.
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u/TheShakyHandsMan User flair missing. 13h ago
I understand that perfectly. Add on some long term health issues that you won’t recover from and you have to wonder is this is for the rest of your life.
Luckily for me I met my wife in my early 40s and completely changed how I look at life. Just a shame about the problematic health problems.
On the plus side I don’t have to worry about saving for retirement so it’s spend spend spend.
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u/okbutt 10h ago
I think this is why we're seeing an influx of folks hopping on TRT. I do wonder if declining fertility and testosterone in men is contributing to this mental decline.
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u/Initial_Shame4309 9h ago
I am on TRT and it's not the miracle cure people think it is. I originally went on just for gym stupidly but now I am just on regular old TRT doses and my levels are high normal and I still feel the same mental drag.
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u/thejackalreborn 13h ago
The suicide rate by age for males chart is really interesting. 40 years ago it was most common amongst 75+ but that basically collapsed and pensioner suicide became much rarer in the 2000s.
Also interesting that the rate for under 25s is actually lower now than in the 90s, I think I would have expected otherwise with the rise in mental health problems with the young. But I suppose these always existed but are diagnosed more now
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u/mgorgey 12h ago
I work with students at a university and have done for some time so I see things changing over time. Young people now are incredibly hot on mental health and suicide prevention (both young men and women). They will check in with friends in a way that my peer group never would have even considered (I'm 37).
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u/pilzenschwanzmeister 6h ago
Eh, suicide reporting is traditionally very sketchy. I'd be sceptical of those trends unless there is some really good discussion of the data quality.
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u/Anticlimax1471 Trade Union Member - Social Democrat 12h ago
I'm a middle aged man. I am not suicidal, I don't want to die, I want to live comfortably and healthily for as long as physically possible. I really like life.
But the other day, I genuinely pondered how much better off financially my family would be if i dropped dead. Things are a bit messy at the moment cashwise, we are living month to month and have cut everything we can. We both have good jobs, but bills are increasing faster than our earnings. We currently have slightly more coming in than going out (literally less than £30 some months), so we're better off than alot of people, but things are a struggle. An unforseen expense of even a couple of grand would cause a significant impact on our lives.
But I have so much life insurance, death in service, huge pension, mortgage insurance etc. If I died, my wife could pay off the mortgage, get a huge settlement from my life insurance, an even bigger settlement from my employer, and be set up from my pension for life. She would never have to work again and my kids would have everthing they ever wanted (except their dad ofc).
I would never do it, like i said I love my life and being alive, but man, I can see why some people strongly consider it, from a purely logistical and financial point of view...
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u/ModBlocker2001 11h ago
my kids would have everthing they ever wanted (except their dad ofc)
My father is gone. It turned out afterwards that he had deprived himself of simple luxuries, like heating, for the last 10 years of his life. Just so he could give us something as inheritance.
I would burn all that cash right now to see him just one more time.
Your kids will feel the same. Power through mate.
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u/mokoe101 11h ago
I’m sad to read this but I totally get it. I will say though, some insurance policies don’t pay out for suicide, life insurance is the most common that doesn’t, so might be worth checking the policy documents because you might find your wife wouldn’t be as well off as you think.
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u/Coastie79 12h ago
Late 40's here. Lost a friend to suicide when I was a teenager. Big gap then an older guy at my running club when in my 30's. Then over the past 3 years, a friend lost his son, I lost another one at the running club, then my brother-in-law last week had a work colleague leave his family behind.
Lost my dad early, plus another 3 I knew through either cancer or heart failure. But suicide seems by far the biggest killer through all age groups.
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u/AdolsLostSword Money for nothing and your wheels for free 11h ago
I strongly suspect I will die by suicide. I give it another 5-10 years before the idea becomes fully persuasive.
I think about it a lot but I don’t really have anywhere I can reasonably take that conversation that will give me a perspective that would make life feel worthwhile.
Samaritans are lovely but it’s difficult to convey the hows and the whys in a single conversation.
I’ve tried therapy but I’m not in emotional distress. I’m calm, I keep my emotions in check and maintain executive functioning. There is no practical, obvious signs of mental illness to treat beyond a dissatisfaction with life.
In the meantime I do my best to live a responsible and full life, but there’s a permanent malaise over me that I would rather not be here and that the trouble of life simply isn’t worth it.
I think once my parents die it will become an easier decision. At minimum I would like to spare them the pain.
My personal issues aside I am skeptical of the idea that the apathy to men’s feelings is solvable. Seems wired into us to view men as disposable.
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u/steelcity91 10h ago
I'm sorry to read what you're going through and thank you for sharing. May I ask what has been going to make you feel that way?
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u/AdolsLostSword Money for nothing and your wheels for free 10h ago
Describing it generally, it’s a sense that my life has never really worked out, despite my efforts. I’m in my mid-thirties and I have never managed to make a close friend, meet a partner or simply feel that another person was genuinely glad of my company. Beyond my parents, I am convinced that my death would elicit little more than a day’s awkwardness from my coworkers, if that.
My hopes of intimate connection and family seem less and less likely as time goes by. As much as it isn’t a moral failing to be single, my lifetime of it leads me to believe something is fundamentally unappealing about me. I look at the prospect of a long life, lived alone, as my body declines and that image is terrifying and dread inducing. Death genuinely seems preferable.
In spite of this I do my best to live a fulfilling life in the hopes of finding meaning. I work, and take my work seriously, I volunteer, and I have my own personal creative projects.
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u/Melodic-Homework-972 6h ago
I’m sorry to read this. You’re still young (and I don’t mean that to sound patronising) but all I will say is that it won’t always feel like this. One small chance meeting with someone who you connect with has the potential to flip all of those feelings you have on their head.
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u/pilzenschwanzmeister 6h ago
I suspect you will too, as will I.
The way I think of it, I can always do it later. I'm lucky enough to have kids to look after - for the custody I get.
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u/ZestyData 11h ago
I commented this elsewhere but decided to post it to the main thread because a lot comments are focusing on why it's middle age, or why it's men (Divorces, social isolation, etc). Things that are true and have been true for many many decades, discussed often (on reddit at least). But not many comments are discussing the key part of the story here. The rise. Why are we now facing the highest ever suicide rate in that cohort? What's changed between now and then?
Modern life doesn't give breathing room for middle aged folk to process & grieve this natural life transition, and doesn't offer enough in that transition for people to move forward happily.
Imo comes down to:
a) social media & the internet's impact. Headlines focus on the social & mental wellbeing impacts on teenagers, but you don't become immune to the awful effects of social fragmentation and algorithmic feeds once you grow older.
b) The real economy (not mean GDP per capita but real lived experiences) has been in decline for decades, and it's in a really miserable state for any working people.
The social contract is broken. At least in the late 20th century there was this idea that you could work hard and get rewarded. Get that nice house, with a garage and a garden, with your car (or two) and kids whom you take on holiday.
Nowadays hard work makes little impact to your quality of life. Assets and capital are just too inflated to be within reach of what income can be earned from labour. You get your shitty little flat or tiny house in your 30s, you and your spouse both work to afford the bills so domestic function is more of a time-stressor than ever before, you can't afford kids without it stretching your budget even further. Even at work: those in big companies full of people pushing retirement age will tell you how laid back workplace culture was in the 80s, 90s. Now 'Business' has optimised for efficiency, loyalty is dead and businesses grind you down. You can't get a doctor's appointment for shit, and many streets are getting more run down.
The personal ego transition of handling middle age & its difficulties, especially for men, was at least easier to navigate back when you could lift your chin up and savour in the life you've built, and the booming world around you. Today's middle aged cohort can lift their chin up and try to savour in the life around them, but what is there to savour?
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u/ElJabroniMahoney33 6h ago edited 5h ago
I never get the thing about handling middle age. There's zero chance I'd want to go back to my twenties, I was an idiot back then. The obsession with youth is bizarre to me but then i was never a looker so maybe its that.
I think the problems in middle age for men is its still seen as unacceptable to be vulnerable. Some of that is internal but most is still external pressures so it leads to repressed anger and loneliness.
Combine this with parents getting older or passing and kids/society relying on you then its quite the weight to carry if you aren't of that mindset.
There's some good things like mens clubs etc but guys aren't really in general lets have a chat about our feelings types.
I'd like to see some money spent on middle aged men and I'd channel it more in the fun domain. Ie have some fun. Here's a token for a massage, a day out here and there. Purely for men not the family or anyone else just men.
Guys put a lot in at that age and dont get out anywhere near what they put in.
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u/CantRideABike 12h ago
I mean I'm 30, married with a mortgage and I've contemplated it multiple times. I'm usually always the positive and happy-go-lucky type of person but reality fucking sucks sometimes. I do always end up positive again but this world being ran by crooks and evil people, alongside the reality of meaningless corporate work coupled with bills is so fucking soul crushing.
I literally just wanna drink coffee, workout, be in nature, travel, play video games, drive cars and be with my wife without all this other bs. I need to figure out a way to monetise that...
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u/sjbaker82 11h ago
We’re in complete lockstep here mate. Ping me a message if you ever need to talk.
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u/notmyname192 10h ago
Think about this every day but can’t muster leaving the kids behind without a father.
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 11h ago
I literally just wanna drink coffee, workout, be in nature, travel, play video games, drive cars and be with my wife without all this other bs. I need to figure out a way to monetise that...
Ahahah Same as above except for the wife ( single here )
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u/Comfortable_Wild 7h ago
Please don't let the "crooks and evil people" ruin the beauty of life. It's such a shame that they're trying to though.
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u/Montague-Withnail I welcome our Northern overlords 6h ago
I'm 28, perpetually single but other than that pretty similar.
Compensated by buying a really stupid car, also figuring out how to try and monetise it!
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u/zakmeisterr 5h ago
I personally have found that you have to attach yourself to something that exists beyond this world. Everyone wants what you described but it’s not possible due to being locked in this 24hr cycle of night and day. Even if we didn’t have to work, 16-20hr days just isn’t good enough.
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u/PeacekeeperAl Wales 10h ago
What else is there? You work and work and work for what?
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u/Melodic-Homework-972 6h ago
For the brief moments where it feels worth it? Isn’t that just life in general? Unless you’re incredibly fortunate to not have to work…
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u/ozz9955 10h ago
I'm 36m, and I'd say it feels a bit like everyone you interact with is on their own island. You can see them over there, but there's just so much stuff between you, you end up feeling pretty alone, even when you can see them.
People just randomly come out with stuff, like a colleague said the other day that they 'don't really enjoy life anymore' - and I thought that was a pretty big statement to make, yet, I understood what he was getting at.
We have to watch people coming out with stuff like that...it really could mean more than it appears.
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u/RightlyKnightly 11h ago
I can see this. I'm 40, my eldest is about to leave home. Difficulty with my middle child who now lives with her mum (has been horrific year without her) and my career swerves from great to awful as I seem to have topped out. AI Apocolypse to come. I've been very, very lucky but one of my biggest difficulties, it's embarrassing to state, is I've never "found my tribe". I've been close to it once or twice, but largely I feel very alone. The friends I do have never contact first etc. It can be draining. And I feel all this despite being married with a younger final child!
Modern Life is Rubbish.
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u/CarpetGripperRod (a monkey and a dog) 11h ago
I pointed this out two days ago, hardly insightful, but I really don't think people are paying attention. "Male, stale and pale", right?
What I didn't add there was three-- fucking THREE-- guys blue-roped themselves in my village of about 2K before March this year.
I'm personally bang in that demographic, and I am > < 👈️ this close to calling the Samaritans and seeing if I can offer up some of my time.
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u/Amplexusian 2h ago
One frosty morning I set off to work and my neighbour was warming up his car in the garage.
Except he wasn't warming his car in the garage.
Everyone just shrugged it off "what a shame, seemed like a happy bloke". Especially his wife, who ended up with the copper who came out to investigate.
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u/GhostInTheCode 9h ago
The money's not trickling down, despite all the energy and effort into trying to climb the ivory tower, the hours sacrificed.. for many work is unfulfilling and it's often not quite enough to support a family and.. with all the expectations placed upon them, There's going to be a lot of feeling like a failure. And with a culture of not talking about their problems.. it's not a good recipe.
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u/Ajax_Trees_Again 12h ago
A man’s life is very isolating. Especially as he gets older.
There is also massive taboos about displaying any sort of emotion and men are raised to find any conversation beyond football or taking the piss out of a pal to be very uncomfortable.
Genuinely have no idea how you would even begin to fix that
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u/hazza987 11h ago
I heard a standup joke not that long ago, it was something like "As a man I can feel safe walking down the street at 2 AM, but can't tell you why I'm walking down the street at 2 AM".
I laughed at the time but it did stick with me.
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u/Comfortable_Wild 7h ago
FUCK that. I hope with the newer generations we can break this down as we normalise good mental health, emotional intelligence, exercise, walks, therapy, etc. It really doesn't have to be this way.
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u/Ajax_Trees_Again 7h ago
There’s definitely been progress on it.
I completely agree with you on exercise and walks too.
I saw someone say the best way to beat depression (feeling down rather than clinical) is to get outside the house as much as possible.
It’s so true
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u/No_Bingo_Card 10h ago
So many men that live in the 1940s always appear when this topic is raised. It's bizarre to me.
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u/Ajax_Trees_Again 9h ago
If everyone seems to agree but you then it’s likely you’ve got the odd experience no?
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u/Ivashkin panem et circenses 12h ago
Makes sense, middle age is the time when career issues/unemployment + marriage breakdowns tend to hit hardest.
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u/MrLuchador 10h ago
Unlawful redundancy followed by a divorce after 15 years of marriage will do it
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u/KalebsFailedMarriage 13h ago
Society does not care about male emotion.
I believe this is an inherant truth to the human condition. No amount of "boys get sad too" will change this.
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u/Your_Mums_Ex 12h ago
I experienced this with maternity services, when my partner got emotional she got endless support and encouragement. When I got emotional the first question asked when I left was if I was dangerous and safe to be around. We had every type of family emergency you could imagine (House flooding etc) and in my moment of weakness I broke down to my partner about the stress, only to find out a staff member was eavesdropping. My partner had to defend me after I left. I did eventually get an apology but it made me realise services for the most part don't care.
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u/Old_Donut8208 11h ago
I cried in front of a midwife because our newborn daughter was struggling to breastfeed and I had hardly slept in the two days since the birth. She told me off, saying it wasn't appropriate for a man to cry. Fortunately, she was called out by another midwife.
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u/AdolsLostSword Money for nothing and your wheels for free 11h ago
Beyond not giving a fuck, your story illustrates that our emotional responses paint us as threats to many.
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 11h ago
the first question asked when I left was if I was dangerous and safe to be around.
Incredible support network! They've really worked wonders over the last few years!
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u/convertedtoradians 8h ago
Reminds me of a couple I know - both friends of mine who told me the story separately and which they've told subsequently a bunch of times.
A robust, middle aged medical practitioner made the same sort of ask of her under slightly different circumstances and was apparently astonished to find themselves compelled (under threat of immediate and overwhelming violence as he tells the story) to grovellingly apologise to him, by a lightly built and usually extremely mild mannered and retiring, but utterly furious, young woman.
After that, she called for verbal confirmation at the start of every meeting or session that she was unilaterally disapplying their usual policies in this area and anyone who didn't like it should get out immediately. Even though he said she should forget it.
Now, the way they tell the story is usually as a joke - "you'll never believe what she did" and everyone laughs at the image of this tiny woman browbeating seasoned consultants and experienced matrons - but building on your post, I'm pretty sure it actually means a lot to him. The way his wife robustly defended him at the first hint of the possibility of accusation and didn't just accept it in the interests of how statistically that sort of suspicion saves X number of people from Y. Even at the cost of denying herself medical care, it was just a non-negotiable for her.
I'm not saying it's just as a result of that, but he's also absolutely devoted to her.
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u/haggis30 8h ago
Very difficult to parse what’s going on in this anecdote
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 7h ago
Basically, he's telling a story about a couple he's friends with! The husband goes to see a doctor while suffering from depression, presumably like the user above. The first thing one of the doctors does is ask his wife whether she feels unsafe or threatened (what an asshole protocol, by the way). His wife, who's normally very quiet, apparently went absolutely ballistic at the doctors for even entertaining the idea that her husband could be capable of something like that!
And at every subsequent appointment, she makes a point of telling the doctors to skip that idiotic protocol. The husband was really touched by the way she stood up for him!
I hope it helps!
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u/GoodbyeBoleyn 12h ago
I'm not convinced, I think about all the men I've served in pubs over the years, deaths, breakups, job loss even domestic violence... Men come together to support their own, they just do it in different ways to women.
I think the biggest problem is that many men no longer have access to that community, I think it's in churches too, but I don't have experience of that. Men's Sheds seem to work wonders, I think we need to make space for men to be men and stop expecting them to respond to emotion like women, who reach out far more directly for support.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 12h ago
I’ve always thought the men’s sheds slogan “men don't talk face to face, they talk shoulder to shoulder” was particularly evocative, certainly has more truth to it than most slogans
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u/mgorgey 12h ago
I think you're right, in that men can and do seek comfort in other men. What I think you might be missing though, is that (and obviously I'm massively generalizing here) even in those moments men will still feel the need to not really express actual emotion. They might talk about a bad thing as something they are dealing with but will rarely actually seem upset about it. Men learn quite early on that their emotion makes others feel uncomfortable and may even lose them respect, so will be pretty guarded with it.
What's often missed (and what I think would surprise most women about being a man) is how little positive feedback most men actually get from the world. Men, tend not to compliment each other and aren't likely to garner much in the way of compliments from others, whilst a lot of discourse publicly is often around how shit men are. All the immutable characteristics that are deemed socially acceptable for mockery are basically male centric. I.E Height, baldness etc. Even smaller penis jokes are deemed passable in a way similar jokes about female anatomy would never fly.
I'm not saying those are all huge things but I can see how it could grind someone down if they were already having a hard time valuing their own self worth.
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u/Xenumbra 12h ago
Men's Sheds seem to work wonders
The thing getting pressure from advocacy groups to allow women members? Any attempt to establish male only spaces will be met with sexism claims. The opposite is never true though.
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u/GoodbyeBoleyn 11h ago
I support both men and women's spaces, alongside mixed ones. They all have their place and unless men are locking women out of business/political decisions by hiding behind male spaces, I see no problem with them.
Copied from another post:
"There is nothing I hate more than women entering a male third space and trying to sanitise it."
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u/carranty 11h ago
Any form of men’s club is immediately called out as sexist. Any man who uses one doesn’t respect women. This is often said by the same people who champion women only groups.
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u/Evening_Job_9332 11h ago
Look online at literally anything where male feelings or emotions are mentioned, it's a pure shit storm in the comments. I've actively taken myself off a lot of social media, Reddit excluded for now, because the relentless male hate was affecting me.
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u/GoodbyeBoleyn 11h ago
When it comes to human interaction for men, the internet is the equivalent of that dodgy kebab van on your walk home, you know it's bad for you, you know you will regret it 5 minutes after you have eaten it and it will probably keep you up all night.
I don't consider the dodgy kebab real food, just like I don't view social media as real human interaction.
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 11h ago
Men's Sheds seem to work wonders
Oh yes, it's a brilliant workaround and it greatly reduces the problem, but there has to be a proper solution, not just a partial fix!
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u/Potential-Yoghurt245 12h ago
I have been stuck in neutral for nearly a decade, I've been back and fourth to the GP who is reluctant to prescribe antidepressants and has surgested long walks and getting exercise as a way to beat the fact that I do the same thing everyday at almost the same time.
The fact I have no friends to speak of is not really surprising at my age. The issue here is I don't want to make new friends I have a family and my life is interwoven with school runs, homework and the like. Taking time out to make friends is not on my radar
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u/GlumTruffle 9h ago
Yeah, a lot of "acceptance" of male emotions these days kind of boils down to being told you're allowed to go and cry in a corner by yourself
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u/fieldsofanfieldroad 3h ago
But that's always been true. My generation is better than my dad's generation in terms of emotions.
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u/HowToThrive 12h ago
I don’t think that’s accurate. But modern responses to male emotion are certainly a factor.
There’s a big reset needed somehow. We’ve spent 300 years moving away from the idea of male sensibility - the admiration and prizing of empathy and compassion in men. Our culture still celebrates the poetry and writing from that era, but has lost the desire to see the same types of male emotion play out.
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u/Longirl 12h ago
This makes me think of a conversation I had with my partner recently about an old school friend whose wife had left him out of the blue (it’s never out of the blue 🙄). Anyway, I asked how his friend is doing now and my partner doesn’t know because he hasn’t asked him and ‘if he wanted to talk about it, he’d bring it up’.
It blew my mind. I spend hours with friends dissecting feelings, supporting, offering help, making jokes out of terrible situations etc. I’m constantly surrounded by women who love me and want to know if I’m doing ok. There’s no subject that’s out of bounds.
Why do men find this so hard? What stops you talking to each other?
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u/KalebsFailedMarriage 12h ago
If you message someone like that and say "hey bud, you okay" you'll either get no response at all, or "yeah fine mate".
Men and women are fundamentally different.
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u/Not_Propaganda_AI 9h ago
People pick up behaviour that's modelled to them. He likely hasn't experienced that behaviour supporting him enough to realize it's an option.
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 11h ago
What stops you talking to each other?
Oh we talk! It's just more a silent communication! Imagine a huge group of capybaras! Almost motionless and silent, gazing into the infinite, yet incredibly social animals with astonishing depth!
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u/zakmeisterr 4h ago
Most men know that no amount of conversation will change the reality of things.
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u/SingleLie3842 1h ago
I’m not sure I agree but I understand feeling that way. What I tell my brother is that when it does feel like a society problem the only thing we can do is start with personal responsibility.
Be the kind of person that does care if boys get sad too, reach out to your mates and actually ask them how they feel. Be the person that is really open about your emotions so others start to do the same.
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u/Spiryt Saboteur | Social Democrat 11h ago
Just in case any man needs to read this, if you feel like it's all a bit much or you're struggling or you feel like there's nobody you can talk to, please consider coming along to Andy's Man Club.
They really helped me several years back, they can help you too.
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u/Special-Nebula299 12h ago
Kids move out and career replacement and so many are basically on the scrap heap before 60. All those years working and they face little to show for it
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u/DeliciousCondition79 11h ago
I became privy to some information about my best friend and his wife cheating on him through my wife. I sat on this for a day or two because I didn't want to poke around someone else's business but I was aware of male suicide etc and wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't reach out and ask if he was okay. So I tentatively broached it with him and without going into detail, said I was aware something had happened and that if he wanted to chat he could. Anyways he got upset at me, grilled me on who told me and then eventually cut me off. So not everyone is open to these chats.
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u/FatherPaulStone 10h ago
So not everyone is open to these chats.
And that is the issue. Men have been led to believe this is the way. You did the right thing.
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u/BlackMassSmoker 10h ago
This has been a growing problem for awhile now. You can see this across many countries but particularly in the UK and the US. Men make up 75% of all suicides in the UK.
Going back further, one of the lowest points for suicide was 2007 and then they started rising again post 2008. I'm sure many can put 2 and 2 together there.
I'm 39 and I suffer with depression. I tried to kill myself some years back. These days I think about it often. There is a feeling we are moving backwards because we can't address the real issues. Few opportunities, finding working is terrible at the moment. If you do land a job, there is a feeling of complete powerlessness. Seeing your money doesn't go as far. That your employers are trying squeeze ever drop of productivity out of you. Using all stick and no carrot as they shorten your breaks and micro manage every minute of your time.
Then of course there is fears of the future. Climate change, biodiversity loss, ecological overshoot - all things that suggest are planet is going through a monumental shift and severely destabilise everything.
And then the political debates around depression, the attempt to change the narrative that you're just weak, just get a job and that will feed your soul.
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u/Yakkahboo 9h ago
Yeah, just hit 35 and things just havent been good, but now that youthful vigor is gone, careers have stagnated and there isnt a whole lot to look forward to.
Politics definitely plays a huge factor, with things constantly getting worse which feels like a rather large straw on the camels back. Feels pathetic but its just a huge drag.
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u/BigSisLil 7h ago
35 is really early to feel your youthful vigour is gone and you have little to look forward to in life. I may be wide of the mark but it sounds to me like depression or maybe physical illness, perhaps get yourself checked out. I hope you find some new purpose and things improve for you
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u/omcgoo 5h ago
Exactly, I'm 35 and never felt fitter... all I do is football once a week and cycle to work every day. No gym, eat vegan.
I fear too many don't look after their body, their gut. Both are completely and inextricably linked to the mind; my mind at least is a world away from the mess it was in my 20s
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u/AnomalyNexus 9h ago
Yeah, lost a friend earlier this year that way. It's rough because you can't always tell from the outside something is off
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u/timeofdepth 13h ago
must be all of that privilege bursting at the seams
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u/jakeaboy123 10h ago
this is a byproduct of the patriarchy though. A byproduct of a poor economy is men who equate economic failure with a failure of identity.
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u/TheScarecrow__ 10h ago
Women, of course, are completely ambivalent about a man’s economic success or failure
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u/quaranmeme 9h ago
Women can also perpetuate patriarchal ideals.
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u/sworl5 8h ago
What? So when men are sexist its patriarchy, but when women are sexist it isn't matriarchy?
How you do you explain that one then, pal?
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u/Nyxrinne 7h ago
If those women's words/actions prop up the patriarchal system - e.g. perpetuating gender roles that force men into the position of stoic provider - then they're perpetuating the patriarchal system. It's not just about being sexist, it's about doing it in a way that supports that specific system.
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u/TouchFluffyTailss 9h ago
Men failing economically means women won't ever """date down""", unrealistic expectations from women is a massive contributor when diversity policies are pushing women with the same skills to higher wages then men
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u/PrinceofPlant 7h ago
That doesn't invalidate OP's point about privilege.
You self evidently are not privileged if, as you yourself have acknowledged, the system creates a series of social expectations that drive you to literally kill yourself.
Which makes attributing it to patriarchy entirely paradoxical, because by definition patriarchy implies privilege.
It's almost as if we need a new frame of reference for these social problems that isn't built upon a long outdated 20th century lens of systemic male privilege and gender based oppression.
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u/timeofdepth 7h ago
That's a byproduct of men being expected to provide for and wanting to provide for women
Imo this is driven by human nature hence why you see it in most cultures rather than something manmade
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u/Kindly-Bumblebee-293 10h ago
It's got nothing to do with the gender of people in charge, suicide rates are going up despite the proportion of women in positions of power increasing. Evolutionary factors have caused different roles for men and women and these societal expectations have developed across all levels of society, changing the gender of the people at the top has very little effect in that.
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u/olibolib 13h ago
How many middle age men are privileged bro? Like as a percentage and actually materially, not from some weird little ideology you got rockin around in your head. Maybe instead of whinging negatively against what? Wokeness is it? Maybe instead of that you should think about what is making it hard for these guys and how it could be made better. Just an idea.
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u/dospc 13h ago
They're being sarcastic
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u/whatapileofrubbish 13h ago
I think you misunderstand sarcasm, sir.
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u/ghostface_kilo 12h ago
I think its a sad indictment that I had to pause for a second to work out if this was actually sarcasm, because I have seem similar responses in the past which very much weren't
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u/GOT_Wyvern Non-Partisan Centrist 12h ago
As others have said, they were being sarcastic, but there are no doubt people who do believe what you are frustrated with. Not only that, I think there is a systematic disregard of men's issues because male privilege is so often taken as all-encompassing.
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u/timeofdepth 12h ago
I don't make it my business to try and distinguish between who is privileged and who isn't, I think life is too complicated to assume how much someone has going for them simply based on their genitals, skin colour, or even class
I have an idea of what is making life hard for these guys:
divorces where such men are often at the mercy of their wives and the government
mental health issues making it hard to live a normal life, especially socially, if you have conditions such as adhd and autism. that aside, men are more lonely than women in general
a worsening economy may affect men more as industries that are mostly staffed by women are more stable during a recession
as for the more objective stuff, men are basically more effective at taking their lives than women. I think when I last looked at the stats men and women attempt suicide at similar rates, but men are way more effective with it.
it's hard to objectively define an attempt, as sometimes people can pretend to commit suicide as a cry for help. this can normally lead to the position that women are more likely to fail a suicide attempt because they were 'seeking attemption', but as someone who's been highly depressed at times and experienced how messed up your line of thinking can get, I'm more than sure that at least some of the men who killed themselves with their more effective methods were possibly also supposed to be cries for help even if they were found to have rested their chin on a bazooka in which would have surely been fatal no matter what.
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u/Electrical_Count5838 11h ago
Your reminder that the male suicide rate for under 55s is higher than the covid fatality rate was for which we shut down the entire country.
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u/Ordinated 10h ago
Is that actually true?
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u/AnomalyNexus 9h ago
It is the leading cause of death in men (under 50), so seems plausible at least
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u/Electrical_Count5838 4h ago edited 4h ago
Yep.
At no point did covid deaths ever surpass the pre covid suicide rates for men under 55 (it might have been 60 but because of how they bracket it you cant say for certain). The irony of course being lockdowns then drove up suicides.
Often forgotten, the average age of covid deaths was like, 85. Which was a year older than average life expectancy. People talk about the brexit voters dying off, the vast majority of those we locked down to protect are now dead of natural causes. Most of them for a few years.
Once you get into the weeds of covid stats genuinely it's mind-boggling. Its also why no one will ever convince me it wasn't hysteria driven.
I particularly like the fact long covid was "anyone with symptoms over 6-8 weeks from infection". Yet covid was known to cause pneumonia and the normal recovery curve for pneumonia according to the NHS was 6-12 months for a healthy adult.
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u/Stunt_Merchant 2h ago
Haha, yes. I had forgotten that one. That if you got covid your life expectancy actually INCREASED.
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u/Twiggeh1 заставил тебя посмотреть 4h ago
The average age of death with covid (note with, not from, which is even less common) was about 82, slightly higher than life expectancy. The fatality rate was a fraction of a percent of cases.
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u/Griffolion Generally on the liberal side. 8h ago
I don't think about actively making myself go on eternity leave, but I do have a lot of "sure would be nice to just not wake up" thoughts.
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u/BigSisLil 7h ago
Really sorry to hear that. Life can be a hard slog sometimes with little to look forward to except more of the same
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u/Not_Propaganda_AI 9h ago edited 9h ago
Do we care as a society? I mean sure individuals care, and even some organizations, but on a societal level is this seen as important as other causes of death with similar rates? There's only so many resources to go around, and while we do spend some money and time on this I just don't think we see it as particularly important compared to other social issues.
I mean who wouldn't rather give a tenner to a pet shelter than this, the pets are cuter.
To be clear, I'm not saying we should devalue it, I'm saying we do.
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u/Tammer_Stern 11h ago
I couldn’t get the archived article to come up. Has anyone managed it?
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u/Fickle_Scarcity9474 10h ago
Suicide rates highest ever among middle-aged men
Those aged 50 to 54 are at greatest risk of taking their own lives as charities warn deaths ‘remain stubbornly high’
Michael Searles, Deputy Health Editor Ben Butcher, Data Editor
Published 13 October 2026, 5:05pm BST Updated 13 October 2026, 5:22pm BST
Suicide rates among middle-aged men are higher than ever, new figures have revealed.
Men in their early 50s were more likely to die by suicide than anyone else last year, according to data from the Office for National Statistics.
There were also increases in suicides among pensioners, with the biggest rise among those aged 75 and older, while the rates among men under 45 fell slightly.
Mark Winstanley, the chief executive of Rethink Mental Illness, said the rate of deaths by suicide remained “stubbornly high”.
He said: “Every suicide is a devastating tragedy, and these figures are a stark reminder that many people are reaching crisis point without getting the help they need.”
The reasons behind suicide were “complex”, he said, but added that many people were “facing significant pressures in their lives, including financial issues, job insecurity, rising housing costs, loneliness and poor mental health”.
Suicide rate highest on record
Mr Winstanley added: “While these factors affect everyone differently, they can contribute to distress and overwhelm, and leave people at risk of suicide.”
The data, which cover England and Wales, showed that 6,162 suicide deaths had been registered in 2025. This was down from 6,190 last year, but the overall rate remained broadly the same at 11.3 deaths per 100,000 people.
The stats watchdog uses deaths per 100,000 people to calculate changing rates while accounting for changes in the size of the population.
Almost a third of the deaths were among men aged 45 to 64, which was up by 49 compared with 2024. The rate increased to 23.8 per 100,000, up from 23.2 the year before and the highest on record since data collection began in 1981.
For men aged 50 to 54 specifically, the rate increased to 28, suggesting this group was at the highest risk.
Men continued to be more than three times as likely to take their own lives as women overall. Among middle-aged women, there were 553 deaths – a rate of seven per 100,000, which was the same as 2024.
Sonya Trivedy, the executive director of external engagement at Samaritans, said the figures “show that suicide rates are among the highest recorded rates this century”.
She said: “The evidence is clear that successive governments have failed to deliver on their promise to reduce suicide rates and make suicide prevention a priority. Today must act as a wake up call. The current approach is not working; we need meaningful action and proper funding if lives are to be saved.”
The data show a growing gap in suicide rates between middle-aged men and those aged 25 to 44.
There were 19.5 deaths per 100,000 men aged 25 to 44 last year, which is the widest gap since 2009, when middle-aged male suicide rates overtook those of younger adults. The rate increased from 14 to 14.4 per 100,000 for those aged 65 to 74 and from 13.2 to 15.4 among those aged 75 or older.
Marjorie Wallace, the chief executive of mental health charity Sane, said she was “not surprised” by the data. She said: “Analysis of the contact we receive reflects this – almost 60 per cent of our callers now talk about suicide or self-harm, a very different picture than 10 years ago.
“While middle-aged men in their forties and fifties still remain at greatest risk, our other concern is the number of young people, particularly girls and women aged 16 to 24, who report anxiety and depression on a scale not experienced before.”
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u/theegrimrobe 10h ago
also higher (in general) for ND people - i am both groups and think about suicide a lot - mostly passively
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u/iamezekiel1_14 11h ago
Great and I thought my Deep Space Infection last month was bad enough. On a serious note - had a head start on this. Got seriously mugged in my early 20s (and they were so on something they forgot to steal anything). I won't go into the specifics but one of the only things I remember from the next 10 days (had what turned out to be an undiagnosed concussion) was a sobering conversation with a Policeman that was investigating who told me he'd seen people die from far less. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Survivors Guilt followed e.g. why didn't I die. It sounds flippant but I just came to the conclusion - it isn't like PlayStation and you can't just press the reset button and get a different outcome. Granted I'm not living the best life but I'm doing alright and can't complain. Have had a few too many incidents where I've got beyond unlucky (in cat terms I'm probably on 4 or 5 now - with the mugging being the first one) but it just isn't worth it. Granted I can see cases for the terminally ill who don't want to wait or those who really have no options and want to shut it all out (& I really get it as those were the kind of thoughts I went through in my 20s) but for the majority of people when you look at it sure you didn't become the Rockstar you thought you'd be in your 20s and sure once you hit 50, yes things are broadly downhill but there's probably aspects of your life that aren't that bad when you look at it honestly.
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u/E420CDI Brexit: showing the world how stupid the UK is 6h ago
I'm not near being middle-aged (33) but I have tried thrice (8, 31, and 32).
Please give these orgs a call or visit if you're ever feeling of ending it all:
● Samaritans
● Andy's Man Club
● Men's Sheds
Jeremy: knocks down James' shed...again
James: "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DONE TO MY BLOODY SHED, MAN!"
- Top Ground Gear Force Red Nose Day special
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u/IrishVictim88270 6h ago
I can't share the same experiences as others. I'm not suicidal and never considered it beyond the invasive thoughts of wondering what it's like. I'm getting by ok and have been lucky to have a tribe of men my age who have all been mates since we were teenagers. Were even considered cool enough to be graced with the presence of the late teens and early 20s lot, just like we done with the lads who are now in their 50s! Maybe supporting my local football team has a lot to answer for in terms of my mental health...sometimes feels like it's damaging it but really it seems to be a stabilising force in my life.
Because of this I will make more of an effort to ensure I'm trying to detect the signs and engaging better. Tbh it's pretty damn shocking reading this all as describing your own experiences makes me realise you really could be any of the men I see at the football or in the bar.
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u/RTC87 5h ago
I've never been suicidal myself, but as a man approaching 40 I can 100% see the path of thoughts that could leave you there.
My many measures I would be considered successful in my career and family life. But those dreams we had when young that were unfulfilled, the guilt we feel about the lack of time spent with loved ones, having to be the 'bad cop' with the kids, the monotony of daily life in a career you've come to hate, the golden handcuffs, the comparison to peers.
We live in a world we have crafted in such a way that its difficult to be happy. We go from dreaming to being told to conform. You work hard and after a couple of decades question if it was truly worth it. You lose yourself.
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u/Embarrassed-Writer61 5h ago
I think part of the problem is that men are expected to lead, provide and hold everything together, often without much support themselves.
When a man starts questioning those expectations or admits he can’t keep going like that, the support he needs isn’t always there. Organisations can turn their backs, and relationships can break down when he’s no longer able to play the role people expect of him.
It can leave a man feeling that his worth depends entirely on what he provides, rather than who he is.
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u/ThanklessTask 4h ago
I'm 53. Can relate. Life has given a lot of lemons of late. That said, I choose Limoncello.
Can't offer advice really - other than these four principles I live by...
Seek calm, the chaos will find you.
Direction and correction over goals. I.e. work on the journey, it's the best bit if you look.
Go as far as you can, as soon as you can and don't sweat the delays.
Shed that which does not move you forward (50% of the time, that's an actual shed!!)
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u/whiskeyjack1053 3h ago
I’m 33. I’ve been dealing with low level, but exhausting digestive health issues the last 10 years. At 31, I was really struggling. I went to my GP and asked to speak to someone. Two week wait for a ‘specialist’.
When I did get the appointment, the first question she asked was ‘are you here for your foot’. Ma’am, you’re a mental health specialist who travels between surgeries, what do you think?
Second thing she said was ‘we don’t cover your post code any more, after today you’ll need to go to a different GP’ cool, great, glad to feel supported.
Third thing was she handed me a questionnaire and completely ignored me whilst I filled it out. It was an extremely obvious one where you rated statements like ‘how often do you think about killing yourself’, and the rating gave you a number, the higher the combined number, the worse your diagnosis. If I wanted, I could very easily have manipulated the system for a worse diagnosis.
After that, based on my score she told me ‘so you are depressed and have anxiety’, no speaking to me, not even looking at me most of the time. I went on to explain that the anxiety is from some digestive problems.
She then started GOOGLING ‘best SSRI for IBS’ in front of me. Not a medical database, not a study, she went to the daily fucking mail website and read a quote from someone in an article that said xyz neuromodulator helped them. At this point I lost all faith that she had any useful knowledge, and told her to prescribe me sertraline, which my friend had told me helped him. She happily wrote me a prescription based entirely on me asking. It didn’t help.
I’m doing better now mentally, but my god I’ve lost faith in the nhs being able to help if I do need it again. I’ve also seen how ridiculously easy it would be to game the system to get a false diagnosis if I wanted.
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u/DarknessInferno7 2h ago
I feel that. Try admitting that you're struggling with social anxiety as a man. You're always the first punching bag in every instance. Even recently, you see those threads on this very subreddit about cuts to benefits, and it's all just "the guys claiming anxiety go first, fuck them." Nobody gives a fuck about you. You get no sympathy. Hell, you'd be lucky to even get empathy these days. And the further your mental state declines, the more unsightly to society you get, the harder it is to ever see a way out. Who could be surprised some choose to end it all?
My personal experience, I'm still to this day struggling with mental health, after I was betrayed by my teachers back in college, while at my most vulnerable period. Cornered in an empty room, pressured to drop out, arguing back met with "you have an answer for everything, don't you." Leveraged the knowledge that I was voluntarily seeing the college councillor for anxiety against me. I want to claim my experience was extraordinary, but it's in reality just taking a magnifying glass to the greater societal issue. And it's only getting worse.
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