Every month, my team and I hold a DEI meeting to plan events for our employees. We do this so employees feel more engaged and appreciated. Before the meeting, I jotted down some ideas which included no shave November and a mustache growing contest. Everyone was sharing their ideas and then it was my turn. I am going on a 2 week vacation starting tomorrow so I’m basically mentally checked out at this point. Instead of sharing my no shave November/mustache growing contest idea, my mind shit itself and I said “It would be cool if all the men in the office participated in no nut November”. The second those words left my mouth, my body completely froze and I realized what had just happened. Thankfully, everyone laughed about it knowing it was a honest mistake. Although, one of my douchey managers looked at me as if I killed her first born. Let’s see if I have a HR meeting scheduled soon.

TLDR: I blurted out that all the men in the office should participate in no nut November instead of no shave November.

I work at a small company and we've been reviewing some outside contracts to save money. One of our contractors has been working with us for almost two years, but management is considering not renewing her contract next month.

My manager asked me to schedule an internal meeting with three people from our team to discuss whether to renew her contract and who would take over her work if we didn't.

Instead of creating a new calendar event, I duplicated one of our weekly project meetings, changed the date to Friday, updated the title to "Contract renewal review and possible handover" and added a few notes about what needed to be discussed.

What I forgot to change was the guest list.

About 15 minutes later, the contractor replied to the invitation asking if she was supposed to attend a meeting about potentially ending her own contract.

She was still included because she'd been attending our weekly meetings for almost two years.

My manager called me immediately asking what the hell I'd sent out. They hadn't even decided whether to renew her yet and were planning to discuss their options before speaking to her.

She's now asking for clarification about her contract, and my manager has spent most of the afternoon dealing with it.

All because I couldn't be bothered to create a calendar event from scratch.

TL;DR: Duplicated a work meeting and forgot to remove the guest list. Accidentally invited a contractor to an internal meeting about potentially ending her contract before management had even made a decision.

My doctor prescribed me metformin recently (and I picked the script up yesterday) to help with my weight, as I'm a woman with PCOS and it has been shown to have positive effects for someone in my shoes. Since I also have IBS though, we went with the extended release to help spare my guts, and I'm sure it would have worked great if I hadn't gone and fucked up.

See, I'm not great at taking pills. One of my sensory issues as a neurodivergent individual is in swallowing them, so I try to keep them small. Metformin is anything but small, so I just defaulted to splitting the pill in half without reading the paperwork fully. I sort-of glanced at it and saw it said not to split the pills, but I guess it didn't fully register or something because I did it anyways.

In my mind it'd be fine, but I'm here 12hrs after taking that split pill with a burning asshole from shitting just about every 20min for the last 2hrs to tell you it's NOT fine. As it turns out there is a coating on the extended release version of metformin that makes it work the way it does (I googled it after the 4th trip to the porcelain god), and splitting the pill breaks this and can thus allow the whole of the medication to dump into your system all at once.

I just want to sleep. It's 5:17am and I'm tired. My asshole is on fire from so much shit and the wiping of said shit. My guts are angry. My anxiety is spiked. I'm nauseous. This was a terrible decision. I will never make this mistake again. I just assumed that the whole pill had a slow-release mechanism (not just a coating), and I was wrong. The unspeakable things that have happened in this bathroom tonight are going to assault my partner's senses when he wakes up in about an hour, the poor man. He too shall have to face the consequences of my choice. I have so many regrets, and so will his nose.

TL;DR: Cut my metformin extended release pill in half not realizing this would ruin the "extended release" part of the pill, and am suffering the side effects of gut distress and nausea in full-force.

I had just gotten out of work and was feeling a bit of a sweet tooth. I was mentally exhausted from work and had eaten a fairly hearty lunch, so I decided I deserved a treat. Normally I would go to Wendy's for a frosty, but sadly the one on my route home closed a few months ago, so I decided to settle on the nearby McDonald's instead, despite not particularly liking their food.

I pull into the drive-thru and order a chocolate milkshake. The total comes out to $5.61. Despite my earlier justifications, I still feel uneasy about ordering only a McDonald's milkshake at 2:30pm. Whenever I'm feeling shameful about something I'm buying, I prefer to pay in cash, and this was just such an occasion.

(EDIT: I now realize how neurotic this sounds without context. I honestly don’t know why I thought this would be self-explanatory, lmao. As I explained in a reply, I periodically go through my transaction history on my banking app to check for fraud and review my spending habits. Therefore I’m frequently reminded of every single purchase I make with my card, and I’d rather not think about impulsive McD’s milkshake runs in the future. As to why I felt so shameful, well, that’s a whole other issue that you’re free to criticize me for.)

As I get in line with the other cars, I check my wallet. Empty. Well, the line was pretty long, so I figure I would have enough time to scrounge up some change from the center console.

Sure enough, by the time I'm at the window, I had collected 22 quarters, a dime, and a penny. I imagined that I must look like one of those assholes who pays in change just to ruin the cashier's day, but I was hoping I could laugh it off with them.

The window opens, and I see the cashier girl with my milkshake. She says the price, and I extend my fistful of coins to hand off. She reaches out her hand, but, to my surprise, her hand happened to be highly deformed, smaller than normal and missing about 3 1/2 fingers. Before I realize what's happening, I'm already dropping my absurd pile of coins into her unsuspecting palm. With no ability to properly grasp them, half the coins tumble right off her hand and scatter on the floor.

In a disappointed voice, all she says is "ohhh, why would you do this to me?"

I profusely apologize, throw my car into park, and open my door to collect the fallen coins. I very carefully hand the rest to her, then she counts them up with her one good finger and tells me I'm good to go. At this point, I'm horribly embarrassed, so I peel off with my milkshake as quickly as I can.

Naturally, I didn't get a chance to "laugh off" the situation, so I have no idea if the girl thought I was being a jokester or if she knew my payment method was totally incidental.

As expected, the milkshake was extremely mid.

I think, next time, I'll take a detour to the next nearest Wendy's.

TL;DR: I bought a milkshake with coins, but the poor drive-thru cashier didn't have the fingers to hold them. The other cars in line watched as I shamefully got out of my mine and picked up spilled coins, one by one.

My sister helps organize a kids soccer tournament and they rented this giant fox mascot costume for the weekend. I volunteered to return it since the rental place is close to my apartment.

One of the kids had spilled orange soda on the costume during pictures, so before returning it I figured I'd clean the sticky patch. I grabbed my mom's handheld clothes steamer thinking it would be harmless.

It worked for about 10 seconds until I noticed the orange fur starting to shrivel up. Turns out the heat was melting the synthetic fur. I panicked and tried trimming the damaged bits with scissors, which somehow made everything worse. The fox now had a massive bald patch across its stomach.

The rental place noticed immediately and showed me the tag inside that specifically says no heat. They're charging me $380 to replace the damaged part.

My sister also told me they were planning to rent the same costume for another event next weekend. So now the organizers know exactly why their fox is temporarily unavailable.

TL;DR: Tried to remove a soda stain from a rented mascot costume with a steamer, melted its fur, made it worse with scissors and got charged $380.

Obligatory I'm on mobile, sorry for whatever blah blah blah.

Anyway, I work in a place where the next coworker to come in relieves the previous person. He showed up on time, we chatted. Not a bad guy, but it's a relatively new job and I don't know him that well yet. He seems nice, regardless.

While we chatted I gave him the notes and updates from my shift. Nothing much to say and it takes like 2 minutes. I grab my purse and make sure I have everything. And then I look him dead in the face and say, "Well, let me get out of your hair!"

Just my happy, autonomous customer service voice, loud as hell.

This man is shiny bald. Like reflecting the sun bald. Like you might go blind if you look at his head for too long bald. I'm not even sure he has hair anywhere, I mean his eyebrows could be fake and glued on for all I know. And you know what? I will never sleep again. That will replay in my head on a reel at 2am for the rest of my life. I have no idea what his reaction was. I had to leave immediately because WHY DID I SAY THAT??? And how do I face him again? We work together HELP HAHAHA

I'm not even sure if this belongs in TIFU, but I hope you, dear reader, are as entertained as my friends where when I told them.

TLDR: I said "Let me get out of your hair!" to a very bald man today.

I am 23m from UK and I had an idiotic moment today.

Earlier today I was walking to the bus stop when I noticed I couldn't find my disabled person bus pass, I had put it into the transparent pocket of my phone but it wasn't there, so I went home and had help from my Mum to look for it all around the house and her car. We couldn't find it anywhere.

We both then concluded that it must have fallen out of my phone yesterday whilst my Mum and I were out shopping.

I got on the phone to the council to request a replacement and whilst I was waiting for them to answer my call, I had a chance look at the other pockets on my phone and there it was in the deepest pocket of my phone.. so I had to get an hour later bus all because I didn't look in a deeper pocket of my phone.

TLDR: I had to get a later bus because I didn't look in my other pockets of my phone.

Changing names to keep privacy.

My cousin Hailee (34F) is a childless woman, no boyfriend, no pets, no job and lives with her dad (my uncle). While I (30F) have 2 kids, a cat, a fiancee and 2 jobs. Hailee has been borrowing money off of me for her addictions. Yes, I know. Im stupid for lending money. But she always managed to pay me back on the date she said she would. She basically began spam calling me and texting me to borrow money, and so I would give in so I could get back to work.

Well, the last time I lent her money she didnt pay me back. So I asked her what day she would pay me back. No reply.

Waited days, asked again. No reply.

So I tell my uncle that she lives with, about it and he said she will pay me back. I say fine.

Months later, she still hasnt paid me back and now wont even call me like she used to just to chat, wont text me, so I feel used.

So I crashed out on her. On every platform.

Snapchat, fb , texting.

I even told my uncle and he wasn't replying, just reading it.

So obviously im done with these people. Im not about to be used and stay in contact.

I was drinking and went nuclear.

I called her a loser for stealing money from me. I told her we are done and many things I dont remember and If I do, im not proud.

Anyways...

I look on Snapchat and see my friend of 15 years with the same name as my cousin has blocked me on everything.

I tried messaging her and she called me a psycho.

Looking back, I believe that I could have accidentally messaged the wrong "Hailee" on Snapchat.

Now her and my other mutual friend of 15 years have deleted me and wont talk to me.

In my head she should know she hasnt borrowed money off me and she has a common name. But in reality I guess I would probably do the same thing if someone messaged me blacking out over something I never did.....

TL;DR: TIFU by messaging the wrong person with the same name and now my friends of 15 years deleted me on everything.

There's this guy that offers a service I'm interested in for months now. I don't have any recommendations for him. I found him and his services via an YouTube video. He has a channel there with content about his services, that seems to be good. His videos are easy to digest and go directly to the point.

I've been following him for maybe 2 months now. On YouTube and Instagram.

More recently he changed a bit his videos. He got some sensationalist titles and cover images, and started doing ads for a clothing company. That raised a flag for me, that he's becoming yet another influencer, which is hard for me to take seriously. I thought of him as a professional using YouTube to show off and get more customers. But getting on a path to become an influencer is another story...

So I did was obvious to me: gave him my feedback, privately, on Instagram. One of his stories was those "ask me anything" with a small text we can send. I sent something like: "I don't want to offend, but your credibility is decreasing to me. You started being sensationalist on YouTube and now doing ads."

I've organized events, conferences, courses, and online communities. I know how important and useful is to get feedback, both for the good things and also for the things going bad. This last one is usually hard to digest, as is someone pointing at us what's bad, but IMO is the most important. This is what makes us improve.

But not for him. He got really angry. He replied publicly, but without mentioning my name, something like this:

My friend, the front door is there for a reason. You’re under no obligation to watch or read anything.

If you’re bothered by the 30 seconds of advertising for a T-shirt brand that I use, which has nothing to do with xxxxx and has decided to support me, then that’s much more your problem than mine.

In other words, in your opinion, does everything I say lose its value because of 30 seconds of advertising? Is that really how little you value all the content I produce?

You seem to be the type of people that only drains energy, wants everything for free, doesn't support anything and on top of that, you come here to criticize my work. Honestly, I want nothing to do with people like you. F*** your opinion.

There are plenty of "credible" influencers out there promising the moon and the stars, selling "xxxxx" opportunities. Go ahead and follow them, be happy.

I clearly made his day worse, and that made me feel very bad.

What should I do? Part of me want to apologize to him. Part of me want to just forget this. I'm not sure I feel offended, but his answer impacted me in a very bad way. I barely slept this night thinking of all of this. I'm afraid of being banned from his events/system.

I regret telling that to him.

TL;DR: accidentally annoyed professional I was considering hiring. I feel bad to have made his day worse.

Important: not immediat relatives (very distant, probably) and nothing has, or will, happen, this isnt any weird incest shit.

so, I (19, nb) have recently begun studying for a degree. first day of classes, the prof starts to take attendance, and one last name sounds awfully familliar. For context, my moms from a family that largely lives in the countryside and procreates like rabbits so my extended family is fkn huge (i know like maybe 10% of my cousins once removed personaly, and its not uncommon that iv'e never met someone im related to)

so yeah, this guy has the name of my moms family. i immediatly start going through all the people that could potentially have kids my age and come up with way too many. I figured it might be fun if were actually related, so i start talking to him (i dont tell him abt the related thing tho, didnt wanna be weird), and he's actually really nice, we match on worldviews, humor hobbies ect and he starts hanging out with my friendgroup from highschool and me, we text lots and study together. Meanwhile im still trying to figure out if he's like, a distant cousin or some sht. I ask my mom, who comes up with no one blood related in our family tree down from my maternal great grandparents, so i figure it's probably just a weird coincidence and let it go.

well, we've grown kinda close over the past few weeks, and i feel like he might have started to crush on me, or at least he's sending hella mixed signals, and i kinda can't say i don't feel anything abt him? He's really my type and we mesh really well. But there's still the off chance that were distantly related, so now i feel like i lost a major chance at someone i'd genuinely could behappy with- but i just don't wanna risk it.

TL;DR: met a guy, same last name as my grandma, did some digging and am fairly sure were not related, have a crush on him but i cant get it out of my head that we could be related

Back in college, I was on spring break and met this gorgeous girl at the bar in the hotel I was staying at. We ended up making out for probably an hour before she told me she needed to head home.

Being young, horny, and completely unfamiliar with the area, I offered to ride home with her and pay for the cab. She agreed.

We hopped in and immediately picked up where we left off. After what felt like an eternity, I finally came up for air, glanced at the meter, and saw $85 and climbing. Rapidly.

I asked the cabbie how much farther we had to go.

“About another 20 minutes. We’re almost there.”

Fuck me running. Well, I was already in deep so at this point, I had to lock in and fully commit.

Fast forward to when we finally arrive to an upscale courtyard with about 20 very nice condos. I paid the cabbie, and walked her to the front door which happened to be the largest, most aesthetically pleasing condo in the community. We started making out again about 10 feet from her door, and after a few more minutes I asked if I could come inside.

“No, not tonight. My parents are home.”

And just like that, she shut the door.

I turned around to discover that my fucking cab was gone.

So there I was, stranded in some random neighborhood, horny as hell, with absolutely no idea where I was. I had to call another cab to take me all the way back to the hotel.

Total damage: $250 in cab fares and the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had.

But here’s where it gets interesting…

When I finally made it back to the hotel bar, I told the bartender what happened. He immediately recognized the girl and started laughing.

Turns out that her father was a full-bird marine colonel who had just returned from his THIRD tour in Afghanistan.

The bartender looked at me and said something along the lines of:

“Buddy, you’re lucky her dad didn’t catch you. Otherwise, you’d never have to worry about blue balls again.”

So yeah. Spent $250, didn’t get laid, and somehow still walked away feeling like I’d gotten a pretty good deal.

———

TL;DR: Met a gorgeous girl on vacation, spent $250 on cab rides hoping to get laid, got cockblocked by her parents, and later found out her dad was a full-bird Army colonel fresh off his third Afghanistan deployment. Went home with the worst blue balls of my life, but apparently dodged a much bigger problem.