Necessary context, I am an English teacher in Spain. My admin expects me to speak English with my students at all times. This means that my class is especially difficult for students, but now in my second year I thought I came into the routine. I teach secondary so some students are sometimes a bit silly.
Anyway, yesterday one student was having a nosebleed, the fifth all week. For some reason everyone in the class wanted to see it, I don’t know why, but that meant that three of my wildest students jumped up and ran to her before I even had time to say stop. One tripped and fell because of course running in a classroom and trying to jump over your classmates’ desk is not safe.
In that moment, I felt like I had no choice but to give up the English only rule and tell my students off in a way that I knew they would understand. I told them that the rules exist to keep them safe, that they know they can’t do that, that I don’t want them to fall and break their heads open and go to the hospital. Most students seemed to understand and didn’t create more problems.
The student who fell responded to me and said that she knows that I don’t care if they’re safe (I obviously do care about that so there’s nothing to know), because when she had an accident with her bike I never cared. I remember this accident well because she came to school with half of her face covered in bandages and I asked her what happened, I was worried until the bandages came off again, I checked in with her daily before class about how it felt, I thought it was clear that I cared because I did.
But clearly, she didn’t see any concern from me. She seems genuinely convinced that I hate my students, that I don’t care if they’re in the hospital, meaning that I actually don’t have my rules to keep them safe but just to be mean and unfair to them.
I was already not feeling great before, I had an elevated temperature but couldn’t stay home because it wasn’t a fever fully, but I had all of the symptoms. I also had already had to make a mandatory report shortly before that class so that didn’t make me feel better either, I do care about students and it was a difficult day.
So, this student’s comments were the breaking point for me and I did actually start crying. I’m obviously not proud of it, I don’t know how my next lesson will go with them, I don’t know if I should talk to my admin about it in case the parents complain about me (private schools are terrible for this lol) and I don’t know how to show my students that I do care and I definitely don’t want them to be hurt. I thought I was okay this year but now I’m questioning everything, and not just with this particular student. Do all of my students think I just hate them?