I often crave my wife, I want her, I tell her, I compliment her and I usually instigate intimate play. However, it is very rare that she will compliment, show desire for or instigate anything with me. I’ve discussed this at length with her and told her over the past few years how i would like more from her.
We’ve introduced chastity to control my desires, remove pressure on her and to allow her to control what happens and when. This worked well for a while but she often just sets and forgets and rarely if ever asks for anything. I’ve offered to purely focus on her sexually, as often as she wants, without any expectation that she does anything to me. I would genuinely like to be used to please her only. However, she has rarely engaged in this with me.
She says she doesn’t desire sex or intimacy and it rarely crosses her mind.
We have two young kids and I’ve been trying to do a lot more to take the load off her mind. I cook more, clean more, drop off/pickup more, take the kids out more and still nothing.
I’m at a bit of a loss. She used to be really into intimacy, she claims nothing is wrong and that she just doesn’t feel she needs it. She won’t go to the doctors about it, she won’t discuss it with anyone, she says she understands where I’m coming from but won’t do anything about it.
I love her a lot, I believe she still loves me a lot, I know there is no one else, we simply don’t have time and spend a lot of time together so that’s out of the question.
I feel lonely, sad, unwanted and like we are living a roommate lifestyle raising kids. I’ve tried so hard to be flirty, take her on dates, we laugh, we enjoy each others company, she tells me she loves me but I can never get her to desire me and it’s hard to instigate all the time with a fear of being rejected.
I’ve almost started to resent her, it feels like she’s getting everything she wants out of the relationship and I’m not getting the bit I need.
She doesn’t want to leave, I don’t want that either but I want to be sexually desired.
Would I be completely out of my mind at this point to ask her if I can see other people for my sexual needs?
I should add that I’ve floated couples therapy and she refuses, says we don’t need it.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I do but I also can’t see life without her.
TDLR - wife of 6 years (partner of 14) has no sexual desire and I’m tired of feeling rejected and lonely. Not sure if suggesting an open marriage is going to be the only way forward - divorce not currently on the cards.