In night life and friends group a like it is almost always the somewhat chopped to meh girls who are super into me. In clubs I would get approached and on some occassions someone would make an attempt to kiss. Writing or giving any attention would result in my chat filling up with paragraphs.

On several occassions some of the girl's who were mildly attractive made 2+ hours of drive at night to my place.

With attractive women on the other hand there is pretty much no contact beyond within common friends.

I feel like I might be chopped enough to match said in terms of looks hencewhy the attention from them while receive very little from the ones that I do want

Every time I go to my university club, I usually have a moment with an attractive woman, but I can never seem to close for sex or a date. Sometimes, I even see them with other men afterwards.
I have no problem taking Ls at all, but it’s really jarring to see them with another guy after they’ve been dancing with or kissing you. I’ve had more moments like that than I’ve had actual success pulling women, and when I do pull, the majority of the time it’s me initiating, my timing has to be perfect, etc.
It’s really embarrassing for me because it feels like the ball is in my hands, but I somehow always fumble it. As much as I believe it’s down to SMV, I see less attractive guys pulling in the club all the time, or guys I know who approach less than me having more success.
Granted, I’m still working on my SMV, but that’s a very long-term process. Any advice on what to do? Because at this point, I’m just going to take another break from women and “work on myself.” I just can’t take the constant rejection or these invisible barriers anymore.

I’m 33m, went to a music event/rave with some friends and got intro’ed to this fit pretty single mom who were one of my friends friend. We had a lot of fun and danced at the music event, I was even hugging her from behind during the euphoric moments. I didn’t really escalate further though as I was more genuinely enjoying the music and goofing around with my friends and having fun.

Fast forward a few weeks after the event, she friend requested me on IG. We’ve been chatting every day since. Lots of flirting, jokes and all the text book game. But, sometimes she would say things like “we should be friends” or “i enjoy my single life” then flip the book and we get back to flirting where shed say stuff like “you crossed my mind today” or “I’d be shy and nervous around you when we catchup”.

I’m having dinner with her this weekend, not sure whether I should try or not. Don’t want to waste my time if she is just seeking attention when she is bored and won’t let me hit it.

Back in January, I went on a coffee date with a woman I really liked. I thought it went well, but when I asked her out again, she politely declined, saying she enjoyed herself but didn't think a second date was right for her. I wished her well, and we haven't spoken since.

Here's the twist. At the time, I had a large neck mass that significantly distorted the shape of my face and jawline. Like an Apple sticking out the side of my neck. It was very noticeable. I didn't bring it up during the date because I thought antibiotics would clear it up, and I figured acting confident and not drawing attention to it was the best approach.

It turned out I needed major surgery to remove it. Nine months later, I've recovered, the mass is gone, I'm in better shape, and I look significantly different.

I have no idea whether my appearance contributed to her rejection, but I can't help wondering.

I'm considering reaching out, briefly mentioning the surgery, and asking if she'd be open to another coffee.

I know the odds are probably low, and I'm completely fine with another rejection. I'd just rather know than wonder.

Would reaching out once after nine months come across as creepy or desperate? And would you mention the surgery so she knows my appearance has changed, or leave it out entirely?

So, I have been or getting told every now and then that I am good looking/ handsome by strangers even in night life women (good looking) will approach me now and then or give strong IOIs and I will make my move.

But I do lowkey feel that I am not getting as much action as I can I think like I do go on dates from dating apps or approaches maybe like 1-2/ month this month I got 4 but they won’t convert mostly.

What could be up and how to fix that ? Or is it a normal thing.

EDIT (What I am doing and what is going on for more context 👇🏽)

It’s not only the night game like I also feel I am not landing enough dates I am located in Ireland, from where I am there were like more people to go on dates with.

Night game : plan is have fun actually enjoy dancing and you will get IOIs women will come to you or else give you IOIs get it dance with them make your move. Sometimes they do give IOIs but flake , so yeah escalation is sometimes an issue. So we would be making out and all but not be going home.

Day Game : When I go out which I don’t a lot if I am going out 10 times I will be getting dates or contacts 6 times out of that or sometime the ones from night game. And as I do not go out much or at places where would be a lot women I use apps currently in Ireland, Dublin the apps are pretty slow here maybe the population density. If I go to a more populated country landing it left right and centre.

Dates are pretty chill but they do not escalate it quite a few are boring, I take a rain check of what they are looking for as I won’t mind something long-term if it comes my way.

(Now please guide me through these problems 👆🏽)

• Crucial behaviors: You typically HAVE to do these to succeed.
• Non-crucial behaviors: They're good things to do, but they aren't strictly necessary.

Examples of CRUCIAL behaviors:

• These MOVE the PLOT FORWARDS. That includes:
• Approaching
• Getting contact info
• Moving to private location
• Physical escalation

Examples of NON-crucial behaviors:

• These DON'T move the PLOT forwards. That includes:
• Flirting
• Setting frames
• Push-pull
• Teasing
• Interpreting indicators of interest
• Building sexual tension
• Having good conversation skills
• Being funny
• Appearing confident
• Body language / posture

The trap that sooo many guys do is that they spend like 90% of their effort focusing on non-crucial behaviors. And the reason they do this, is because they're afraid of rejection.

If you notice: Almost ALL crucial behaviors can lead to rejection.

Non-crucial behaviors typically DON'T lead to rejection.

This is why so many guys choose the "safe" route. They spend their time and focus on the safe things that just helps a little bit but doesn't actually move the needle. It doesn't drive the plot. It doesn't lead to the results they want.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Johnny struggles with women. He asks how to improve his FLIRTING. Meanwhile. He is NOT approaching, he is NOT asking for contact info, he is NOT inviting her to a private location, and he is NOT physically escalating. He wants help with FLIRTING first.

See the problem? Jonny wants to bake a cake, but instead of buying the core ingredients first, he went straight to the "cake decoration" isle.

I am 19 years old never gotten a girl or asked a girl before. I'm just scared and insecure about my looks, and I don't know why. Is it possible to go from never getting girls to getting girls?

I'm really depressed and lonely bc I feel that it might be over. I see fat people getting girls, people shorter than me. And I can't. I'm 23% bf, trying to get lean. Do you think the gym will help me get my confidence?

I truly need your advice, guys.

People on this sub told me that I exhibited some autistic traits, but a lot of them also overlap with simply being socially awkward due to a lack of experience. Most of these issues I'm fixing pretty quickly with practice (like eye contact for example, I used to avoid eye contact but I've learned not to, and I've also gotten a lot better at reading people). I have no problem determining if a girl is worth continuing to pursue or is completely not interested, and I can also understand vibes just fine.

I'm still not too good at showing intent or escalation, but I feel confident that I'll get the hang of it after some more trial and error. I still don't fully grasp romantic tension but I feel like I can grasp it if I experience it a bit. Like I was very oblivious to social cues not so long ago but it really wasn't too hard to pick those up. Are autistic people like this or am I just socially inexperienced?

First real cold approach of my life!

Context & Background:
I'm 26(M) from Mexico, 5'7" (1.70m), decent shape, on face looks I would consider myself more towards the attractive side (im not Brad Pitt but im not a gremlin) overall I would say I’m a solid 8 could me more or less depending on who you ask. I’ve been hitting the gym consistently for the last 4 months so a think that 8 can get better. Anyways the target is this stunning, very fit ~40yo gym trainer that I met at the supermarket and then approached at the parking lot, she is like a head smaller than me with an athletic build; curly hair, beautiful smile, eyes and nose. GREAT ASS and AMAZING PAIR OF TITS, who apparently runs her own gym outside the city.

This was a 2 interaction approach, and I think it went fine.

PHASE 1: The seed (Supermarket bakery - ~3min)
Ran into her at the grocery store below my gym. We made eye contact and I smiled at her and she smiled back. We were waiting at the bakery counter, but no staff was around. She jokingly peeked into the back to call them. I jumped on the opportunity to playfully say: "Nobody's there, huh? Guess the bread is free today." She laughed and echoed the joke. I made strong eye contact with her. And DAMN! that was the moment I knew this was my opportunity, but I didn’t take action there.

PHASE 2: The Hesitation & The Re-approach (~10 - 15min talk at the parking lot)
After that, I lost her in the aisles, went down to the parking garage, put my groceries and gym bag in my car, and almost drove home. But I knew I just couldn’t let go that opportunity and never see her again, so I forced myself back up the escalators. Adrenaline was at 200%.
I waited near the exit, saw her leaving with her cart, followed her down to the parking area, and approached her from behind—touching her shoulder to get her attention. Mistake noted: It was late and quiet; she got startled. I immediately apologized with a calm smile. She laughed it off once she saw I was harmless: "Sorry, nobody was around, so you scared me a bit.", she said.

Direct Opener & Relationship Status: Told her I thought she was one of the most attractive women I’d seen, asked for her name, and made my intent clear by asking if she was single. She simply smiled and replied: "It's complicated." I didn't let that freeze me; I held frame and kept the conversation rolling.

Age Frame & Shit Test: She asked my age right away. I held frame initially ("Old enough"), which made her laugh: "You're just a kid, why don't you guys go after girls your age?" I replied that girls my age were too chaotic/unfocused; she agreed. Eventually told her I'm 26; and she revealed she has two sons (28 and 22).

Common Ground & Profession: She asked what I do, and I told her I'm an architect. She immediately replied: "Oh, look, my 22yo son is an architect too!" I fired back with: "Well, then he and I are going to get along great," which made us both laugh.

Gym & Fitness Connection: Found out she’s a trainer who just returned from a trip to El Salvador and hurt her back squatting. I connected that with my workout (mentioned I strained my lower back on hip thrusts and bantered: "Maybe you should train me so I stop hurting myself"). She smiled and kind of nodded her head and said “yeah, maybe.”

Travel Banter: When she mentioned she was from El Salvador, I told her a friend of mine is traveling there right now and keeps raving about how beautiful the country is. Then I dropped: "Well, now I have one more reason to visit," and she laughed again.

Vibe & Flow: The entire parking lot interaction lasted about 10–15 minutes. It wasn't one-sided: she actively asked me questions, expanded on my topics, held strong eye contact, played with her hair ocassionally, and had open body language. I wouldn’t say she was into me right away, but what I can surely tell it’s that she was a bit flattered about me approaching her and she was at least felling comfortable during the interaction.

PHASE 3: The Close & The Friction

Asked for her phone number. Result: Soft rejection ("Mmmm, No, I don’t think so").

Counter-offer: She insisted I find her on Facebook. She watched over my shoulder as I typed it, and confirmed her profile: "Yes, that one."

The Quirk: Her profile has the "Add Friend" button disabled (only "Message" is available, likely privacy settings for non-friends).

Exit: I was so fucking nervous that I ran out of things to say and she initiated the wrap-up: "Well (said my name), nice to meet you." extending her hand first. I took her hand and smoothly leaned in for a cheek kiss; she was completely receptive and reciprocated without hesitation.

QUESTIONS FOR THE SUB

Overall Rating & Critique:
How would you rate this interaction overall for a first-ever cold approach? Given the setting, the age gap, and the initial startle, what are the biggest technical or calibration flaws you notice, and what should I focus on improving next time?

The "It's Complicated" & Social Media Angle:
How would you read the dynamic of her dropping "it's complicated", denying her phone number, but staying engaged for 15 minutes and then giving me her facebook profile?

The Next Move:
Since her profile only allows a direct DM rather than a friend request, what’s the optimal first message to send here to capitalize without sounding intense or generic?

Personal Reflection:
I’ve been following this sub for about a year now, reading countless posts with the intention of, you know, drilling down the theory. But if there’s one recurring theme in almost every thread here, it’s that no amount of theory works unless you actually put it into practice and go talk to a real woman.

All I remember right after was getting into my car and laughing like an absolute maniac. It felt like I had just unlocked some ancient secret or something, when all I really did was take the very first step toward tearing down my fears. I felt an insane surge of self-esteem rush through my body like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

I know there are guys here with crazy amounts of experience, and to them, this might sound like a baby step. But this reflection is for everyone who, just like me, was stuck endlessly reading, only to end up fantasizing in their own heads. Just fucking do it! Regardless of the outcome, I know that if I had driven home tonight without saying a word, I would be kicking myself right now for not taking the shot.

I'm going some time to Japan, to Tokyo.

How's dating there? Young Japanese (20-35) is probable that they speak decent English or not at all? I know some basic Japanese but not to have a conversation.

How about foreign girls? There are other asian women living in Japan? What about western girls? From Europe, America, Australia or even Middle East...

In what areas to go to do some daygame? and nightgame?

Or maybe a good opportunity is go to tourists that travel alone? I thought that a good rule could be: foreigner that I see alone in the street, foreigner that I will approach.

About apps, I heard that the best one is Bumble and then Tinder.