Im making this post because i want to get boy guys' and girl's opinion.
I never used to notice he doing it, i used to feel secure and desired in the relationship. Until one time (few months ago) we were at a restaurant on a date, i dressed up all nice and saw him just glancing over at the girl on the table next to us. Not once, few times he turned his head over. He turned back and smiled at me after like nothing is wrong. Then kept doing it.

That really triggered me since that day. I went quiet and was waiting for the right time to tell him. I've been cheated on really badly in my previous relationship. Found out my ex used to compare me to other girls and saying how they're much better looking. It left me for a long period of time feeling very insecure about myself. Spent 3 years building on myself until i met my current boyfriend. We have been dating for 2.5years now. And until 8months ago we started living together.

One incident of me noticing him constantly looking over at the table next to us, got me really triggered.
I told him and talked to him about it. He didnt lie, he said yes i did look over a few times. Then asked would it be because of your insecurity? There are always going to be other people around; you need to know i will always be there for you even when i did look. I need to know what triggers you and what doesnt?
I said well that did. I understand but i asked if he could try not do that infront of me. It hurts me and i know its my underlying issues making me feel uncomfortable as well. Then we made up and continued moving forward.

Now, I find myself sometimes getting really anxious and anticipate this pain when I go to restaurants with him with the type of girls I know he will check out. And yesterday, we went to a restaurant. We were fine and chatting enjoying the evening. Then a bunch of the girls (his type) walked in and sat at the table next to us. Immediately i felt that uncomfortableness. I tried to ignore and stay calm, but then I cant help but noticed he tried to glance over. Twice he did. Then the second time he glanced over he looked back at me and it happens that i made eye contact with him. I tried to act normal but i got shakey and felt like I wanted to cry.

I think he sensed that i was upset by that and throughout the night he stopped looking over; and i can tell he tried to look at the other direction to prevent himself looking over.

Whilst I appreciate that, but im still having to battle my own mind sometimes.

What can I do, i hate feeling like this. Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

I’m 25 ( female) and my boyfriend (or ex I guess) (43) have been in an odd relationship since the start. The way we met was not under any normal circumstance, but we had an instant connection. My ex fiancé had came back in the picture when I met him and I fixated on my ex fiancé instead of trying to really put effort into a new relationship. I’ve lied on numerous occasions about seeing or not seeing my ex fiancé and just recently I cut off my ex fiancé but the information my current boyfriend ( or ex boyfriend idk) got wasn’t the full truth and I understand as to why he’d be upset.

How to proceed with a relationship( or not anymore I guess)where trust was broken at the start. Nothing that is said is believed or it’s fact-checked to the point where you have to think too deeply on details and half the time believe you yourself are lying when you’re not. What is the best way to approach. 1) being an addiction/alcoholic myself I do tend to lie about stupid things or withhold information 2) said partner also does tell lies just I refrain from calling it out so it doesn’t cause more arguments. Any advise as to is this worth fighting for? Lost cause?

Me (32F) and my bf (29M) have been together for 3 years. We met a party, we enjoyed going out together a lot. Now, he’s suffered some issues that made him stay away from partying and drinking which I respect.

The problem is that he expects me to “compromise” and party way less than I do. I accepted and said of course I might go out once a month or once every two months it’s not a big deal for me.

The problem is that now we’re traveling to my home country for him to meet my family and spend 3 weeks in family with them. Now he’s making me feel very guilty because I want to go out ONE night with my friends there.

He says he’s not crossing the world for me to go out and that I’m NOT gonna go and leave him on his own. He is more than welcome to come but he doesn’t want to and he is saying now that if I want to go to this event, then he won’t come to the trip at all.

I feel like I appreciate my freedom more than anything else in the world and even though I love him deeply I’m not willing to let him make decisions for me or FORBID me from going out. Am I being manipulated? We are going about this argument again and again….Is it OK that I set a personal boundary that he can’t forbid me from doing things? Or should I accept that I’m in a relationship and not go put anymore to avoid drama?

My boyfriend can get very angry and explosive during conflict. If I bring up something he did where I felt hurt he feels attacked and blows up and yells and says hurtful things. He stays mad for a long time and is perfectly fine going to bed without resolving anything which is extremely hard for me. He always says he’s too exhausted to fight anymore and just goes to bed. It always ends with me trying to make amends and apologize. It’s really frustrating because I feel like there’s no space for me to communicate simple issues without it turning into a huge fight. It’s not like this all the time but I feel like when he’s very stressed at work he gets in these defensive fighting moods and gets triggered very easily. Most of the time we have a great relationship and he is very kind and thoughtful and communicates well. Is it something we can work through in therapy together or should I just let it go? Is there some way I can communicate better so he’s not defensive and feeling attacked?

TL:DR not sure if we can move past cultural differences. M37 & F35

For background, we’ve been together for 9 months, and things have been mostly good, but we just got back from a trip to visit her family in her home country which was a bit full on. Her dad is out of the picture, her mum is a bit religious/conservative, and she’d explained this trip was high-stakes for her as her family’s approval is important. She had explained she was worried and clearly has baggage from her parents divorce and a past ex who refused to engage with her family (which ended that relationship). She was terrified I would do the same.
I was already super tired from work, I’ve had some long days on a stressful project, so I wasn’t in the best headspace for such a packed trip but I wanted to make the effort for her.

I thought it went well and her family got on well with me. It was all smiles and hugs at the airport and hoping to see each other again soon.
When we got back I wanted to talk about us after and she suddenly dropped that she was ready to call it quits over several misunderstandings:

She thought I looked disinterested with her family. I explained that I barely speak the language and was just waiting for translations, whereas I engaged fully when people spoke English.

She felt I didn’t try hard enough to learn or talk to them. I pointed out I can barely order water right now, but still tried when I could.

She thought I didn't start conversations. I reminded her that her intense focus on getting her mum's approval made me super nervous, plus the obvious language barrier.

After a long talk, she seemed to understand my side and we sorted most of it out, but we are still on rocky ground.
My issue is that she jumped straight to thinking the relationship was over rather than trying to see things from my perspective first. It’s made me feel insecure and uncertain. I love her, but I’m worried she’s carrying so much baggage that she'll keep looking for reasons we won't work out.
Has anyone been through a cross-cultural relationship hurdle like this? Do I keep investing, or are these red flags for the long term?

​I (18M) made some massive mistakes recently. Last month, I texted an online friend at 3 AM out of lust. I lied to her, saying my girlfriend and I broke up because of my hypersexuality and lack of self control, using that as an excuse, and then I asked her for nudes. She refused and blocked me. Feeling guilty, I vented to my best friend (well, former best friend now), about it, also complaining that my girlfriend and I argue almost daily about my sexual needs.

​A few days later, another girl on Snapchat (who my girlfriend didn't know about) sent me a revealing picture. I took a screenshot and showed my best friend. He made some questionable comments about the girl, and I agreed with him. Ultimately, my best friend betrayed my trust, sent the screenshots to my girlfriend, and told her everything.

I told her the truth I did not lie after getting caught, I complied with her on everything, like giving her my online friends number, my girlfriend wanted to tell my mom everything how I'm a bad son because while in a relationship I talked to another girl, she talked to my mother, I talked to her sister and apologized to everyone for what I did.

And now that I've seen that I lost her just because of my lust, I will never ever let lust take over my actions

How can I apologize to her for my mistake.

Why my partner is ready to let me go in specific moments only?

Situation 1:

So when my bf behaves like a jerk and I'm absolutely ready to leave them and move on in such a way that if I think about them later I'll probably just spit on them and give them curse words during such incidents he will always like always stay and apologize than let me go.

Situation 2:

If the incidents are somewhat like where he gets a bit of a room to prove that he's not that bad and he didn't make any mistake he's ready to let me go.

About me- I'm that person who always thinks of breakup when a little disrespect rises up or when I feel like my partner doesn't love me as much as I do.

And hence there are many instances where I tried to leave but he reacted differently in each.

Also

When situation 2 rises (which happened twice due to arguments) I've gone to him by the 3rd and 5th day thinking I should give it a chance and that the relationship can work out.

When I went back to him I always asked were gonna reach out to me if I hadn't? To which he said "yes, i would have once I would have cooled down" but I personally think he wouldn't have reached out and is just saying without meaning it.

Rn I'm on the 3rd breakup, and I'm not gonna go to him again, as i really wanna see if he's gonna reach out this time (situation 2) or else I will just accept that I never mattered to him the same way, ik it's a bit toxic but honestly it's more complicated than I could explain and hence I bring breakup as i really Start doubting the entire relationship once it makes me doubt my value in the relationship.

As per the given pattern lmk if you are a love guru and what do you think if he's gonna reach out or not?

So why is it that he's very specific about the breakup and letting me go as per the situation demands?

Hi

My (25F) boyfriend (27M) is starting to just irritate my all the time... I hate it...

I think we have had such a strong relationship (3 yrs) but recently the past month it's like i dont want to be around him... he is just irking me to no end and when I'm alone I feel like I just don't think of him as often and it makes me kind of sad and guilty... I don't know what to do I don't want to break up with him but eesh idk i'm going through a weird phase right now maybe idk.. nothing has changed between us it's just my mood maybe? maybe i am going through something?

I'm trying to wittle it down to a reason but it's like i dont want to text him, when we go out with his friends his comments that used to be funny to me just irritate me now, i feel like he doesn't ask about me or my life anymore and it all just irks me

I 17F have a bf 18M of 5 months. It has been toxic for a while but I don’t know how to break up with him. I love him but he hurts me too much for me to be able to be with him long term. I am scared and uncertain of how I should go about any of this and I have nobody to talk to. If anyone (preferably a woman who has been through toxic relationships) is willing to listen and give advice I would really really appreciate it.

I(19m) have been with my gf(18f) for over a year and i never feel like i am enough. i belive she loves me and sometimes, this feeling goes away but especially when we are not together( monday-friday) i feel like a failiure. Everything i do, there is a guy she knows who wil do it better and i question a lot, why is she even with me. She doesnt have a relationship with her mother and her father is everything.. everything i do he just one ups me every single time, i take her out for a pizza, he takes her to a michelin restaurant. I got us food in the shopping mall, when she goes out with him, he spends more money then i have ever seen on her. She used to watch a tv shows with me, it used to be our thing on the weekends when we werent out, now when i suggest it she can't watch ahead since she wants to do it with her dad. He will give her keys to his mustang anytime, fills her gas and would drive anywhere for her. I am extremely grateful that she is looked after, but why does she need me? He is everything she could dream of. I know its her father but i am used to hitchhike when i miss last bus in night since i know my parents wouldnt bother to come for me. I feel like i can't take a breath. every bad day i have once in a while is a problem and then she says nevermind and its done. She is also extremely friendly to everyone exept for me and i dont understand. why would she be mean to the person she loves i hope. i am not the best person but i am the kindest when it comes to her. She is pissed at me a lot of the time, sometimes becouse other people pissed her off and i am the crying pillow i guess. why would she be kinder to others more then me, i dont understand... also you might say, dude its her dad dont worry, well she has a classmate/friend and i would say he is way more attractive than i am and lives close to her so he would be there for her more then i could be since i am stuck in school. They laugh a lot together and at one moment she can be sweet to him and bitter to me and it just breaks my heart. I dont think i will ever be good enough. it brothers me a lot, althrough there is nothing i havent mentioned, i am scared she will leave me. I feel like a bonus sometimes.

damn that helped to tell someone, love y'all

So im 30 and already have 1 kid from a prior relationship. My bf is 23. I was told after my 1st child I wouldn't be able to have another. Well I found out today that im pregnant. My bf doesnt want any kids atleast not rn......we have beem together a little over a year should I just break up w him and keep my child or should I atleast tell him even though I think he will tell me to abort it...

39M here. I've been struggling to understand my wife's (32F) decision-making about our bachelor/bachelorette expectations. I'm curious whether outsiders could offer valuable insights.

Months before our bachelor/bachelorette, she brought up that she didn't feel comfortable including women in my bachelor party under any circumstances because it gave her anxiety and might prevent her from enjoying her bachelorette. I had no problem respecting her wish, and I've been to my friend's bachelor party. We didn't really have women involved- just hung out at a bar like brothers' time. I talked to my brothers about hosting a huge Airbnb alone, no women, and ended up booking an Airbnb in the middle of nowhere.

She went ahead and had her bachelorette in Las Vegas. She wanted Magic Mike, and I shared that I felt she had expectations of me, and it wasn't fair if she didn't follow through. She called me dumb and insecure. Magic Mike is just a show- nothing else. She shared her experiences at Magic Mike, including touching and lap dances. However, she still stood and said it wouldn't happen this time.

Another thing: she said she didn't trust my friends, even after I told her I went to their bachelor parties and nothing happened. She said her friends wouldn't encourage her, but she still questioned my friends.

Right before bachelor/bachelorette, she mocked that she should have a better time because it's Las Vegas, then apologized and acknowledged that she pressured me to be isolated with my brothers and felt awful. She cried, and I reassured her that I'd have a blast with my brothers regardless.

At nighttime, she called me and said omg men were all over her. She felt dicks and laughed. She seemed to be having a blast time. I was like, eh, she set her expectations of me, but she didn't follow through. I thought maybe she was having a great time and didn't think to acknowledge it or apologize. After a couple of days, she didn't text or anything to apologize.

When I saw her again, she smirked and said several guys flirted with her. She rubbed a guy’s chest at Magic Mike. She had the video, and I asked to see it. Was she like, " Eh, you sure? I watched and saw she seemed to have fun rubbing a guy’s chest from the top down to below his hip while the guy was humping or doing a lap dance on her. Then another guy, or two guys, did the lap dance on her.

She saw my reaction. I was really confused and didn't understand her thought process. She reassured me she didn't plan it, but the guy grabbed her hands. She froze and went along. She wanted to be cool. Her friends told me that she laughed and said she rubbed the guy’s chest the day after the incident. They said she seemed to show no remorse and played along.

I reminded her that she questioned my friends when her friends encouraged her. She said she didn't see her friends encouraging her. I was like, but the video shows it. She protected and insisted that her friends didn't encourage her. A few weeks ago, she finally admitted that her friends encouraged her and had fun. She agreed that Magic Mike is the space where women could sexualized men. They had to go there and it's Vegas. She didn't know what else to do there without Magic Mike. They had to go there because it's bachelorette. I was like huh and she didn't want me to experience traditional bachelor?

We had been digging ourselves in deep hole and it affected our marriage. She apologized thousands times. We agreed to reset and let it go. We see counseling and work it together.

At time to time (nearly everyday) I'm still confused about her thought process and why she thought it was okay while she didn't want me to do this. It's so weird to me. Can you help me out?

I(F 19) have a mid distance relationship 6 hrs away . we study in different Colleges so we meet every 2-3 months . My bf (M 20) has been ignoring me for the past month after we hungout and had to go to college, he doesn't answer my texts for hours and has been dry replying for the past week . what should I do , I have a hunch he is cheating on me with one of our school friends . we have had a 3 year relationship but I think it's time for a break I have been having problems with the way he has treated me and I am scared of a break but I think we do need that after the things he have made me gone through, though I am scared of us not being in the relationship as I love him but idk what to do and this didn't happen before to me we always had a healthy relation . Pls give me some advice on this :(

**Hi guys, I don’t know how to explain the situation in short, since there is a lot going on, but basically I am with my boyfriend for a little less than a year. We started incredible, in every way, and we knew each other for a month before we became a couple. And after we did, he started pulling away, and I don’t mean the normal “we don’t have the same spark anymore to talk all the time” I mean it was a few texts throughout the day to check up, good morning and good night, and barely any talks. We stopped playing together. I tried to bring it up in many ways and it gave no result. It started to get better in this aspect last month but now there are a lot more things that are problematic and it’s just not enough to spend 2 hours to play something and be done. Also, we are long distance so we see each other once a month for a few days. So the majority of the relationship we are away from each other. When we are together it’s tremendously better, but that also stopped being good in the past couple months because I am always angry because of everything that has happened. Except for the lack of time and communication we have, there are also some major differences in what we had agreed on before we went into a relationship and what he actually does. For example, he said he doesn’t have, doesn’t want and would never have a female friend and is uncomfortable with me having a male one, which is fine for me, I don’t speak with men in general except if I work with them. But he does. And I’m not okay with that, Because I would have had no issue if he said he has friends of the opposite gender and introduced us, but I had to find out on my own and that’s not okay. And the fact he doesn’t spend any time with me but does with them. When I confront him about any issue, be it lack of time spent together, lack of effort, lies, that he always shuts down or hides behind “it was just a joke” (a specific example I can give is, once I had to go in his city after work and I wasn’t sure I would be able to catch the train on time, he responded with “or you just want to stay and be with another man” to which I played into the joke and said damn, you guessed it, and his response was “then don’t come, I don’t want you to” and that turned into a whole argument, but when I confronted him about it he said the whole thing was a joke, even the argument, which is insane), he pulls all different excuses like mental health, past trauma, he has said once or twice he wants to push me away because he is scared, or he is convinced I will leave him anyway, or he believes he’s a sinking ship and can’t give me anything and he’s not good for me, or that if he lets me in and starts acting the way he did in the beginning he will become too attached and dependant and when I leave him he will be destroyed and won’t be able to rebuilt it again, and all other things of the sort, but that’s on rare occasions when he is angry or emotional, usually the answer is I don’t know I haven’t thought about it. I don’t want to leave him because I do love him a lot, and he means very much to me despite the issues and hardships. There are also a lot of good times and moments that I haven’t shared as to not make this too long, but I can. I can answer any question anyone might have. But I really don’t know how to stay and if it’s worth my mental health at this point. I can’t keep fighting for the relationship alone, I can’t leave him as well. Unfortunately I feel like this person is my person and I felt it the moment I met him and I believe it still. I don’t want answers such as “just leave his ass”, I want to know, what is the best way to proceed to fix this or at least understand what and why is going on before I actually end it if it’s unfixable?**

This is a follow-up to my previous post.

I’ve been visiting my girlfriend's family, and a few things have been going on. Every time I visit, her brother makes sure to be there to mock me. Not only that, but he also ensures that my girlfriend's ex is present.

I don't think my girlfriend has realized how uncomfortable this situation is making me feel.

Last Saturday, they held a small birthday party for my mother-in-law. I gave her an envelope with money, since I’m terrible at picking out gifts. But the ex brought a bunch of presents and a large cake. At first, I didn't mind, until the younger brother started telling my girlfriend how wonderful her ex was.

Later, they started drinking alcohol; I’ve never had a drink in my life, but they kept insisting I "be a man" and have one. I’ve never done—and never will do—anything just because people pressure me, so I refused until they finally gave up.

I was having a nice conversation with my in-laws in the kitchen when I saw people starting to dance outside, including my girlfriend. But a few minutes later, I saw the ex—who was already drunk—approaching her. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but they were standing very close to each other. My mother-in-law noticed and got up to stop them. But at that moment, I lost my temper. He was pulling her in to kiss her; my girlfriend was struggling and trying to push him away. I ran out of the house and shoved him to get him away from her.

The guy got up and tried to hit me, but my girlfriend and I managed to dodge it.
It was a total disaster, but the saddest part is that *I* was the one kicked out of the party. I was so confused; my girlfriend didn't say a single word to me, and things have stayed that way since. I’ve tried contacting her, but she isn't responding.
I just wanted to protect her.

—-What should I do?

So the thing is like , I have a bf okay and now basically our story is that we first got together when I was a kid and he was a teen ( I don't wanna specify the age but above 10) so well now being a kid, I was immature . We got together bcz of his bsf and my frnds crush a that time. Now this crush let's name him b and my bf a. so the thing is b and we talked alot and over all he was the first boy who treated me like nice , like good like a girl . Like yk idk how to explain like he treated me like how I wanted , how I needed to be treated like now he well added me to a group where I got introduced with a . Btw later a told me b used to backbitch abt me but he lies sometimes so idk. Now after a and I started dating b hated me and made rude comments to me and shi. Well I think it's mainly bcz a started to have an attitude after dating me but So after that duh I was hurt asf. Now a broke up w me due to an argument and then we patched up in 1 day only after that me and a broke up for like 6 months as he was ignoring me for 3 days or so even after multiple calls and shi. Now after 6 months I personally changed alot . I got back w a . During the 6 months I missed a and yearned for him but I ALWAYS HAD THIS THOUGHT AND LOVE FOR B IN THE BACK OF MY MIND AND I JUST IGNORED . Now after I got back w a and b found out obv he hated me more. BTW I HAD BLOCKED B WHILE I WAS DATING A FIRST AS HE WAS RUDE . Now b hates me alot and shi. Me and a having a good relationship but then this guy who is a pedo was my bsf , I started to have feeling for him and shi also other guys liked me too. I was confused . So now me and a broke up again as well due to the pedo and I started to lowk date him now being a pedo and a creep he cheated and shi well that's just leave it.So now I confessed to b after this break up me and pedo had . BTW during this breakup a was a bit toxic like crazy man in love . Bcz of this I lowk started using drugs like medically prescribed but still I used em alot . But yea now I always used to talk to a cause if I didn't I felt so weird and bad and sad . Like complicated shi but soon I confessed to b and well b had a gf then they broke up b was really rude to me and like hated me lowk but he messaged me while I was talking to a telling me to leave a so he can talk to a Well then I was like I love u idiot and he started being rude and like just bullying me to a point where I tried to umm kms . Well nvm but yea then a stopped talking I became a bit deepressed but loved b too much to notice then when I noticed I became desperate to talk to a well a was talkin and lowk having a situationship w my frnd from which he got info of me . a and me got back together but now I still absolutely love b but b has a crush on someone else . I can do anything and by anything I mean anything to make b love me and want to date me . I need a solution help please. Ik I am a bitch and I hate myself but please how to please please please.

I know I get on here and vent, I’m fine. Just bc I feel like the person I am with or whatever you call it , isn’t truthful or lies to me for some odd reason… in no way does that mean I’m depressed or anything like that. I get annoyed and lonely. Frustrated and really don’t get him at all. But in no way do I wanna do anything bad to myself or anyone else… I want to be more independent and do more of what I wanna do. With who I wanna do it with . I have reasons why I can’t and don’t get why someone who doesn’t enjoy being around someone chooses to lie, and do negative things that in no way make a situation better. I give up complaining or coming to the person about the issues bc it’s pointless. That sounds negative but it’s just not worth it bc it ends up a fight or I’m solo in a place I don’t even wanna live at. I happy , but at the same time I don’t like that he’s being fake and that makes it even weirder. I would never talk to someone while living with someone who I had a relationship with. I also don’t think it would be fair to anyone else either. Even if he is doing shit behind my back. I don’t cry about it anymore. I just wanna be happy and be with someone I make happy as well. Anyway I’m ranting peace out till next time…

Thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend - (39M, i'm 41F) - cultural differences (he's east Indian and I'm Canadian with Norwegian, English, Irish, Scottish and Ukrainian background). took me FOREVER to find this one relationship. but he has amnesia and even though we've been together over a year now he still calls me his one night stand and i have to always remind him it's been 12+ months. plus i can't meet his friends/family - he's divorced and hasn't told his parents and his friends are same circle as ex-wife. ugh. plus i've never been able to go his place because of his roomates. which are also same circle as ex-wife. He's really sweet, kind and loving, which is hard to find these days. But I need someone that doesn't have that much drama attached

​

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He has always loved and supported me, motivated me to build my future, and helped me with my career. However, our biggest problem has been my anger and emotional reactions over small things. He has told me many times that he has tried to help me change, but he's now frustrated and fed up because he feels nothing is changing.

He works in the oil field in Gujarat, and his job is extremely hectic and stressful. I realise I haven't always been understanding or given him the emotional support he needed either.

After our recent fight, he decided to end the relationship. We talked afterwards, and I begged him repeatedly to give me another chance. I told him that I had realised my mistakes and genuinely wanted to change, but he said he's frustrated, fed up, and doesn't think things will work out anymore. He has now blocked me everywhere.

I'm extremely emotional right now. I love him deeply, and it's difficult for me to accept that our relationship might really be over. Part of me still feels like he'll come back, but I don't know whether I'm just giving myself false hope.

I know I've made mistakes, and I genuinely want to work on myself. I want honest advice about where I've gone wrong, what I need to change, and whether this relationship could ever have been healthy if we'd both worked on our issues. I don't want people to blindly take my side; I want an honest perspective.

I will make this quick because I know many hate these really long text‘s.

So I‘ll be visiting Spain with my school for a week and since were all 18, have no curfew and have the most chill teachers ever. My boyfriend works so he doesn‘t go to my school so he will obv not attend. Anyway, he asked me if I‘m excited, and I said yes because I will definitely go out with my friends and party/drink. His Energy shifted immediately and he quickly talked about cheating and stuff like that. And the end he said, well but it‘s up to you/your choice if you cheat, I said yes obviously but if I get roofied or black out or whatever then it‘s obv not my choice anymore. But he said, yes it is. He said that if I can’t control myself and then end up getting raped, that‘s on me. Now I don’t know what to or think because I‘m a really big feminist and his opinion just isn‘t it. Disclaimer: he goes out to bars and clubbing without me too.

Last year, Mid October I met my current girlfriend on tinder (F 25). She has 2 kids with separate fathers which was weird for me as someone with no kids at first (M 24) but we really hit it off from the get go and have a great connection.

While we were talking last year, we’d hung out maybe 3-4 times prior over the course of 2 weeks and Halloween came. On Halloween night she asked me to come hang out with her at a bar. When I arrived she told me her ex boyfriend was there but that I didn’t have to worry about it.

She was hanging with me in a separate area of the bar from all of her friends (which id met and hung with with her at this point) and her ex.

Through the night she kept bouncing from hanging with me and the group in the other section of the bar. It got to a point where she’d disappear for 10-15 mins leaving me alone and then come back for 5ish minutes. We’d made out for the first time on one of the times we were hanging. After she’d gone for 20 minutes at one point I just went to where her friends and ex were hanging and she was having a meltdown of sorts. I decided to leave the bar and just go home because I was sick of being at the bar essentially alone. After that night she apologized for it and said she was drunk and going through some emotions.

We moved and started dating after that night. However 5 months into our relationship everyone kept on bringing up how much of an ass she was on that Halloween night, so I later asked her what happened. And she had admitted to sleeping with her ex that night.

We weren’t dating at the time, but we were seeing eachother and had made out for the first time that night. She also told me when I showed up to the bar that I didn’t have to worry about him. Since then I’ve been very emotionally volatile in the relationship over this situation and having to deal with dating someone with 2 kids on top of it. She blames her actions that night on being to drunk and getting taken advantage of, am I an asshole for being really upset and torn about it though?

She’s overall been a great partner and loyal since but I am trying to figure out if the emotional turmoil this puts me through to this day is grounds to just leave or try and wait out my emotions on this matter.

Please give some input!

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\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : My girlfriend slept with her ex on Halloween night last year. She had invited me out that night and told me not to worry about him. We weren’t dating at the time but had been seeing eachother for 2 weeks. I figured out 5 months after we started dating. It has caused me to be resentful and it’s hard to overcome this. Should I leave her?

Hi! First post after a long while. But I'm kinda struggling. Badly.

Things had been rough for a while. We met once on the whole month of September. We live afar, but not that far. And we fought a bit about some stuff.

But, yeah, October starts, and he decides to meet. The date was doing great. Until it wasn't. And he refers to one of his friends as his "second girlfriend".

I had never cared before about anyone's friend. Like, half of my friends are guys, and we both talked about it at the start of the relationship. That's not it. But that felt like a pretty low blow.

Especially, because a few weeks before that he spent a whole evening without talking to me because I was taking a coffee with a guy of my friend group (we didn't even meet 1 on 1, we were waiting for the rest of the friend group, we were just the first ones to arrive).

So... Yeah. Things got bad real quick.

I couldn't focus on the conversation that whole day. Like- I find it amazing how he gets bothered by me just having a coffee with a friend I had for YEARS, THAT HE KNOWS, without any romantic implication, meanwhile he says something like that without a filter. Without giving it a second thought. Isn't it some weird mismatch??

That was on Saturday. Next day, I told him how I felt and told him I needed some space. I was thinking about breaking up with him, to be honest. It hurt like hell.

Three days passed by, and I got the courage to open myself to him after asking for some distance. We ended up calling, and had a three hours long conversation, and a lot of apologies. Everything was respectful on both sides, and he even told me himself he wouldn't talk with her for a while.

I expected to feel way calmer. Oh boy, I was so wrong.

Next day, and I still feel antsy and insecure. Somewhat angry and frustrated. I'm struggling to go on with the relationship, and I feel kinda trapped by the situation. Feelings of inadequacy came back rampaging. It's not that I don't love him. But I don't feel safe anymore. And I don't want to condition his friendship with this girl, either. Which I know will end up happening inevitably now that he knows that I'm uncomfortable with her. I barely even know her. Nor do I want to inevitably compare myself to her, trying to win a fight I can't because I'm the judge.

The worst part is that this could trigger stuff I've been dealing with, which frustrates me and scares me a lot, as it is something I've been struggling for a long time and my therapist was gonna give me the green flag next time after a lot of hard work on myself.

I feel awful, even if he apologized. And it's also my first time experiencing something like this about a friend. I didn't even care about her before he said that.

Am I overreacting by thinking of breaking up? Would you leave, even if it wasn't because you don't want your partner anymore? Is there any way to fix this mess of a situation?

I was in a long-distance relationship last year that was on and off for almost 9 years and I ended it for good because I know 110% that I do not want any kids and he does. We met in 2018 and were on and off for a couple of years and in 2022 we ended it what we thought was for good and we got back together in 2024. I knew from the very beginning it wasn't going to work because I found out in 2023 that he was in another relationship. To make the story short, I found out the other day he is having a baby. He got this broad pregnant 2-3 months after we broke up and the baby shower was this past weekend.. to say being angry is the very least.. although I am not surprised with his behavior I am still very hurt, just with the timeline of things he was just so reckless with this. I'm still at a loss for words.. I know at the end of the day this broad was a rebound so it's not gonna work out with them but for the sake of his daughter that he doesn't mess this up..

My boyfriend and I recently came back from a trip to another country together. We spent several days together, made memories, and got to experience what it was like to be physically together instead of being in a long-distance relationship. Now we’re back to being long-distance again, and everything feels like it’s falling apart.

I have bipolar disorder, and I struggle with emotional regulation, insecurity, and getting upset over things that might seem small to other people. Sometimes, when I feel jealous, scared, or insecure, I react with anger instead of communicating properly. I know that this has hurt my boyfriend, and I’m not trying to use my diagnosis as an excuse for my behavior.

I love him so much, and I genuinely want to make this relationship work. I want to learn how to control my reactions, communicate better, stop letting my insecurities dictate my actions, and become a healthier partner. I know that loving someone isn’t enough if my behavior keeps hurting them, and I take responsibility for that.

Recently, we had a really bad argument. He told me that he needs space until after his TOEFL exam, which is coming up soon, and that he wants to think about our relationship afterward. He has also said things that make me feel like he might want to leave the relationship altogether. He hasn’t really been talking to me, and I’m terrified that this is already the end.

Part of me wants to hold on and prove that I can change. Another part of me knows that I can’t force him to stay, no matter how much I love him or how sorry I am. I also understand that he might be emotionally exhausted, and I don’t want to keep hurting him.

I’m trying to respect his request for space and use this time to reflect on myself. But I’m struggling with the uncertainty, the guilt, and the fear of losing someone who means so much to me.

\*\*Has anyone here been in a situation where your own emotional reactions damaged a relationship you genuinely wanted to save?\*\* Were you able to change those patterns and rebuild trust? How did you cope with giving your partner space when all you wanted was reassurance?

I would especially appreciate advice from people with bipolar disorder or emotional regulation difficulties who have learned to maintain healthier relationships.

I don’t want to change just because I’m afraid of being abandoned. I want to become a better partner because I don’t want the person I love to keep getting hurt by my actions. I just hope it’s not too late for me to learn how to do that.

Am I losing him forever?

Thank you for reading.