For context: I personally don't practice any kind of witchcraft or dabble in anything else in regard to spirituality. I believe I only ever tried manifestation when it got really popular, saw no results, and just went on with my life. I always intuitively knew that there existed more to this world than the material, but I thought I knew all too well that trying to understand something so high above my awareness would lead to nothing.
I won't drag this on before explaining the events but you do need to know some background about me. I'm relatively young, and I can confidently say that over 90% of my life has been absolutely horrible. Trauma, abuse, you name it. With that said, I still felt drawn to something greater. A personal goal of mine, a life I wanted to lead. It got me through the worst times of my life, and I am now here, as in, occupying the location in which I envisioned my dream for so many years.. Surprise surprise, it wasn't all that good. The place was great, but I had envisioned so many other things, to which I have only been met with disappointment after disappointment despite mercilessly pursuing them, like I always have with this dream.
So, it all sucks. And then... one day, something happened. I have been thinking about this for so long now because I cannot trace a possible cause. I performed no magical ritual of any sorts- no 'manifestation' the day prior, nothing, but everything changed. I mean this with all the energy I can possibly showcase through text- I am never one to say forces beyond my control affected this, but there is no plausible explanation. I met the people I wanted to meet. Please bear with me as I attempt to describe this, but I had this strange "magnetism?" I got so many compliments despite not changing anything about the way I looked, and if that was all this was I wouldn't be making this post I would just chalk it up to a good day but no, very specific "lucky" things were happening to me. They aligned so perfectly with my dream that, as easy as it would be to say, "just coincidence," no. No way. All these good things were happening to me to the point that I felt things were far too good.
And this is where things start to go bad again. I became aware of all these great things happening to me, and gradually, it all went back to the way it was. The next day was so bad that it was almost comical. Like... slipping on banana peel type comical. I felt such a strange dissociation from it because of this. Im very used to unfavorable circumstance, but the contrast here was more shocking than it was saddening.
The following day it got worse. Its so strange. I literally lived my dream life for a day, then went back, I still kept researching, but that day felt so bizarre. Following this, the daily blows of life were so much stronger. Sure, psychology could explain that with the contrast, but no... I literally felt like I was in the wrong world. Merely the state of "existing" felt wrong. Like I was in the wrong reality or something. That singular day I felt completely whole, and then it felt like I got knocked so far back from that.
Anyway, like I said, after so much research, I still don't know or even have a smidge of an answer. It couldn't have been a ritual of any kind, I wasn't casting any ceremonies either, but worse of it all was that after reading , it seems like the common consensus is not "this practice will completely change your life", its more like "doing x may make your chances at this part of your life more favorable by a bit." Thats what feels so maddening about all this. Even if I could say "definitely, chaos magick", for instance, it couldn't explain how one day was so radically amazing and then I went back because it doesn't seem to be a 0->100, but more like a 0->15.
Im sorry for such a long post, but I am in desperate need of guidance. I just saw everything I wanted get dangled in front of my face then get snatched away like it was nothing. If anyone knows something, or even just a recommendation, anything- it would be so appreciated. Thank you.