I came home after a few hours of work yesterday to find my cat dead, I was hysterical screaming crying everything. He was my baby always with me 24/7 slept when I slept awake when I was awake always cuddling I can’t cope with it. I’ve lost pets before but I’ve never had a bond like this. Always there when I was sad too. He was also just the sweetest boy could never even hurt a fly (seriously). When I try to sleep all I see is how I found him and I’m really struggling. He was only 4 years old, so it was so unexpected I thought I had many years left with him.

We just put down our 6 yr old sweet orange boy today. He had been in and out of the animal hospital for the past two weeks due to urinary blockages that just kept recurring. Had a cystotomy to manually evacuate bladder first time and came home after a week, had to bring him back the next day due to straining immediately and he spent five more days there. Got him back two days ago, and same thing, not even 12 hours later he’s howling in pain and not peeing.

Vet agreed he has a very awful case of blockages and despite everything, needed hospitalization again, and we mutually agreed we did not want to put him through anymore with very little hope he would even improve. So we put him down.

I know we did the right thing, and even though we could have kept trying we felt he had been through enough and wanted him to go peacefully. I’m just so devastated, I don’t understand why his case was so bad, it’s just so unfair. He was so young and the sweetest cat ever, and I’m just really struggling with the fact that’s he’s gone and not coming back, especially since we only had him home for like three days out of the past two weeks. It doesn’t feel real, and I just wish I could stop being so damn sad. Just kind of wanted to vent honestly idk what I’m expecting from this post.

I lost my baby Iris Tuesday night, two days ago. She was only 1 year 8 months old, a small golden retriever with crinkly hair on her ears. Although her life was full of adventures and love, she deserved more. We left to the beach, arriving before 3PM, parked up and walked along the beach till we reached a stony coast with cliffs. My sister’s two dogs (4 and 5) joined us. I figured the shade from the cliff and cool waves would keep her cool, with water from my drink bottle… but she’d been drinking the ocean water. A few times in front of me, but likely while swimming where I couldn’t tell her off. Eventually she showed signs, and they got severe fast. I wish I knew better then how critical this all was. The worst part, she ran away confused as we got back to the main beach with family’s and kids near. She stuck close to me till that moment, and after that couldn’t recognise me from a distance either. Maybe her sight/ confused anxious brain made her react this way. Seeing her so confused broke my heart. We manage to get her to the emergency vet around 5.. on the way there I held her on my lap to prevent her lethargic body from swaying too much, her head on my arm licking me with the breeze from the window on her face. She seemed somewhat peaceful here. At the vet, they tried their best but the salt levels were too high, we got that dreadful call. I thought she’d stabilise, if I’d known I’d have stayed with her in the vet. I know the vets were kind to her when she passed. I said goodbye to her that night, I didn’t want to let go. I saw her again in the morning, petting her like she was still here. I still don’t want to let go. She should still be here. I don’t know how to cope. So many things I could’ve done better.. park closer, learn the signs, learn how to prevent it. She was so young and sassy, the smartest dog I know. Dogs will be dogs, and they generally don’t know their limits. I should have known them. So much guilt, shame, anger, sadness. I just want her back.

This is long, you don't need to read it. I just feel really alone right now and had to tell my girls story.

2 and a half years ago I came across a poorly looking cat living amongst the tractors and hay at the farm where we have a small office set up.

It was just before the winter in 2024.

She looked just like one of my childhood cats who would have been the same age.

I coaxed her into my office with some treats and got her to sit on a thick blanket on one of the chairs. She fell asleep soon after and from that day onwards, she became my little companion.

Soon after taking her in, she became unwell. I took her to the vets and we learned 3 things; 1. Her name was Sprocket, 2. She was 17 years old. 3. She had late stage 2 kidney disease.

We left with new meds and new diet instructions. I had the thick matted fur gently shaved off her and bought her a new heat pad to sleep on.

I learned that she had been left to live in the farmhouse by her first owner who went into a nursing home. That must of been about 8 years ago or more. The people who moved in must of made it so she wasn't allowed to sleep inside any more. On rainy days she would sit outside the front door crying her heart out.

Winter 2024 came and went, I wasn't sure if she would it but she did. It was a hard winter. Summer came and she started perking up, she started exploring the farm again, spending more and more of her days in the sunshine rather than sleeping on her bed.

The seasons changed as her visible love for me did.

Winter 2025 came around and we were prepared. Multiple blankets, heat pad, new renal food selection, new heater for the office. We managed to keep it warm in there all Winter. It was about this time where she developed a daily habit of jumping onto my desk and let me actually stroke and rest my hand on her without trying to nip at it.

She made it through another Winter.

And this summer we were blessed. Albeit being a bit slower, eating a bit less, and sleeping more, she continued desk hopping, she went back outside into the sunshine, and she let me love her deeply. And I felt her love back.

And then 3 weeks ago, I could tell from the way she looked at me that time was running out. This good spell was coming to and end.

Over these 3 weeks she ate less and less. Slept more and desk visits became noticeably less frequent. As the days are growing colder, her bones were becoming painful. She started showing signs of intense nausea, she wouldn't get her meds in her, and yesterday, when she refused her chicken completely (she normally always eats some chicken) I felt like I had to make the hard decision.

Sprocket went to sleep for the last time with her head resting in my hand at 11:40am yesterday, the 14th October.

I know that I only had and was able to care and love her for 2 years of our lives, but im so sad man. Im so so sad. Im dreading walking into the office today.

I keep telling myself I did the right thing. And that above anything, she left this world feeling loved. Unconditional love. And she knew it. She still knows it.

Sorry I just didn't think id grieve this hard and I just had to speak about her.

I have a mini schnauzer rescue that was abused and neglected before we adopted him 8 years ago. Charlie attached himself to me all those years ago and we have been inseparable ever since. He is my last best friend because I’ve already lost my other three best animal friends. Charlie is my only connection without him I don’t have anybody. My heart has been shattered since last Friday when the vet said Charlie has a low quality of life and recommended euthanasia. I’ve been crying ever since that night and haven’t been able to stop. I just lost my dad 9 months ago and find it completely unfair that I have to lose my best buddy now. I realize he has lived an amazing life with me and he’s had more love from me than he probably had in his entire life. I wish I didn’t have to lose him but it would be incredibly selfish to keep him earth side. My mom and I have a chi poo but she is attached to my mom and doesn’t love me the way Charlie always has. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I know one thing is for sure, I will be lonely without him.

Have any of you experienced any sort of afterlife once your pets passed? My dog passed over 7 months ago. The day after he passed, I was sleeping in my bed and I woke up to a heaviness at my feet. It felt like a big heavy dog and I woke up and saw a silhouette of him which quickly vanished. I have another dog but he is small and I would know the difference in weight between him and my deceased dog. I haven't been able to shake that feeling since. I actually convinced myself he was coming through to me through my child's keyboard but I think the battery was just dying lol. But that first experience has really stuck with me and I wish I could feel it again. Sorry if this is strange. I would just love to know other people's experiences. I just miss him and I really hope that what I felt that night was real

life just feels so empty now. dull. i feel like those around me just don't understand or care about the fact that i lost my entire world in a matter of a few hours.

i have nightmares every single night since his passing. even before then, when i noticed he was getting weaker. sicker. i am exhausted. sleep deprived. depressed. alone.

a lyric i keep coming back to:

"you're just thinking it's a small thing that happened

the world ended when it happened to me"

i am struggling to get myself to work. to feed myself actual meals and not just eat tortilla chips and oreos. even to brush my teeth. i know he would want me to be happy. but how can i be? my happiness is gone, it left the exact moment his body went limp.

My dog died. I knew it was coming, just didn’t know when.
First two days was hard. And then for the first time in my life, my brain was silent for the first few weeks. No over thinking, no thoughts, no crying…

It’s been 2 months and now I think my brain is slowly starting to grieve? I lost my nephew 2 years ago and then had another family loss 2 weeks after my dog passed. I don’t want to miss her. I don’t want to rmemeber her and I feel so guilty. Like I just thought about it. My dog is gone and I’ll never get her back and I hate my life. I have a toddler who keeps reminding me she isn’t here. My family have been amazing allowing me to grieve but I wasn’t grieving I was just blank until now. I’m just so lost and feel selfish and guilty. My priority should obviously be my child but I suddenly just hate the world right now and I genuinely want my dog back so badly but every time I go to think or cry about it, I force myself to stop because I’m so afraid. While I didn’t feel like I was grieving, my grief shows in other ways. I’m impatient with my daughter, I avoid social outings even more now and it’s making me feel even worse.

This was my first long time dog she’s been with me 1/3 of my life and through everything. And I recently lost her to Closed Pyometra and she had multiple health issues. Collapse trachea heart mur mur they said she was anemic and cold and a lot of white blood cells not sure what it all meant to be honest but they said it was bad. They said she could go in for emergency surgery but with her health declining so bad and really how bad she was she would not survive the surgery and I kinda beat myself up wishing I would have atleast tried the surgery because she ended up passing anyways and if there was any hope. VS me having to put her down peacefully was still the sadess moment in my life and been crying every night because I miss her and I wish I could see her one more time in full happy form. Honestly when I took her to the vet and I thought something was wrong I thought maybe she ate something bad or swallowed a pill that feel and was gonna get treatment or medication and come home. I did not know I would have to put her to sleep and take her into the vet almost lifeless she couldn’t move she pooped & peed on herself 3x. I was really happy right before we gave her good bye shot she stood up on all 4’s and walked towards us and we hugged her and then she went down. And we were just balling idk how to handle all this tbh. I’m not naturally emotional person but this is hitting me so hard I cry every night thinking wishing I could have done something. Better or if I can see her one more time to tell her I miss you and hug her. I know this sounds so sad but I just don’t know how to deal. She was my 5 lb Maltese baby girl. Growing up I never had pets so she basically was my first real true love and pet and I can imagine this is what real heart break feels like. These emotions come in waves I can cry all day/night and then be fine for 2 hours it’s just hard right now.

Hi everyone, to jump right into it, I lost my soul kitty almost 2 weeks ago. He passed naturally of old age (18 years old), in his favorite spot, with me next to him. It was completely unexpected but I know he was happy. My grief has been unbearable. He’s the first pet I’ve ever lost, and he was my closest companion for all of those 18 beautiful years. Now, I’m scared to be alone and I can barely stand even being at my house. I have never felt such a deep loneliness.

That brings me to my problem… I’ve never lived without a cat, so my boyfriend and I have started making plans to welcome two kittens into our hearts. Part of me is so happy, but I can’t help but feel guilty for getting a new pet so soon after my baby passed. Everyone I talk to seems to have mixed opinions. Half have told me to go get a cat right away, others have said they waited years after losing theirs. I feel like either way, I’m not making the right decision. I know timelines are very individualized, but is 2 weeks WAY too soon?? I like to think that my past baby is guiding me to my next friend, and that I’m on the right path, but I still feel like I’m disrespecting him in a way. Has anyone else ever dealt with these feelings? What did your timeline look like?

Goodbye, Mamu. You came into my life as Stephen, but you will forever be my Mamu. ❤️🐾

Born: 7 June 2009

Left me: 12 October 2026, at 3:45 PM

His real name was Stephen. But I lovingly called him Mamu, inspired by the song from the Bollywood movie Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.

There wasn't even a character named Mamu in the movie. It was the song that caught on, and somehow, without anyone planning it, the nickname stuck. Slowly, everyone forgot to call him Stephen. His real name became something only his official records remembered. To us, he was Mamu.

And Mamu he remained until his last day.

He was my Indian Spitz, my companion for more than 17 years, and a part of my life that I can never replace. From 7 June 2009 to 12 October 2026, he lived through different phases of my life, and through all those years, he was simply there—being my Mamu.

As he grew older, his health began to deteriorate. There were years of constipation, and later came kidney and liver problems, heart issues, seizures, shivering, vomiting, weakness, and a gradual loss of appetite. His final days were especially difficult. I spent so much time worrying about his reports, medicines, food, and every change in his behaviour. I kept looking for answers because I wanted to understand what was happening to him and what I could do to help.

There were vet visits, blood tests, medicines, sleepless nights, and moments when even the smallest improvement gave me hope. I tried to make him comfortable in every way I could.

In his final days, his blood tests showed severe anemia and serious kidney dysfunction. He developed a very high fever and struggled to breathe. Two vets advised us to consider putting him to sleep. I asked for one more day because I wasn't ready to let go. I wanted to be sure I had done everything I could for him.

I even brought an oxygen concentrator home, hoping it would help him breathe more comfortably. But his body was very weak, and the oxygen wasn't helping as I had hoped.

On 12 October 2026, at 3:45 PM, my Mamu left me forever.

I still find it difficult to accept that he is gone. I keep going back over those final hours, wondering whether I could have done anything differently. I know he was very ill, but when you love an animal this much, the mind keeps searching for another possibility, another answer, another chance.

What hurts is that the world may see him as just a dog who lived a long life. But to me, he was never just a dog. He was Stephen on paper, Mamu in my heart, and family in every way that mattered.

A name that began as a playful nickname became the name everyone used. And now, when I think of him, I don't think of a medical report or a list of illnesses. I think of Mamu. My Mamu.

I wish I could have had more time. I wish I could have spared him those difficult final days. Most of all, I wish I could call out “Mamu” one more time and have him here with me.

Thank you for the 17 years of memories, my boy. Thank you for being part of my life from 2009 to 2026. You may no longer be beside me, but the name I gave you out of love will always belong to you.

Goodbye, Stephen. Goodbye, Mamu.

You were loved before the world knew you as Mamu, and you will be loved long after this world can no longer see you.

Rest peacefully, my boy. You will always be mine. 🌈🐾❤️

I lost my dog of 12 years last month on the 10th. Grieving is coming in waves, the first week was the most difficult. I'm keeping his items as to honor his memory, like his leash, dog bowl, his favorite toys. I want to put up a picture of him on the wall in the living room.

It feels empty at home. It hurts to think of him. I feel like getting a new dog would feel like replacing him. Even then, I keep looking up pet shelters/available dogs to adopt due to this loneliness.

I know I'm not ready to get one yet so soon. Like I said, getting another dog too soon would feel disrespectful. I just don't know when I'm ready yet. Or if I'll ever be ready. Having my dog was wonderful, but also stressful. I think I should wait despite the pain. I'm not financially stable for another dog either.

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance, or if there is any good time to get a new pet.

I made a throwaway account to vent because i dont have anyone in my real life to talk to. I don’t want to burden them further.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 13 years old, and since then ive managed but its been nothing close to easy. I left an abusive household with my cat when I was 15. years later ive just been working to support me and my cat, living with my narcissistic mother and paying for my keep. its exhausting, and recent events dare i say have made it 10x harder just to live day-to-day.

my cat who ive been taking care of since i was 4 is getting close to passing. its to the point i have to make a decision and appointment to put her down. my beautiful sweet cat has been the main thing keeping me tethered to this world.
It feels as if my whole world is crumbling. im spending as much time as i can with her, making the appointment and giving her my all. along with continuing to work and search for another job to pay for her euthanasia and cremation. (selfish, i know.)
i dont want her to suffer. she is an amazing cat, always there for me, helped me quit sh and smoking, been here when i got out of hospital, and always ALWAYS has loved me back. I dont want to get into it on the internet since i havent even spoken about it much to anyone, but my cat, my saving grace, was a gift from my first handler. and she stayed with me in my care since. alot of people dont know this, and are undermining my connection to my cat and the pain im experiencing having to make this decision. it feels like my world is falling apart around me. and im terrified

trigger warning, speaking vaguely about very dark thoughts. please keep yourselves safe and treat yourselves gently.

im so scared to be alone, truly alone again. I honestly dont know what im going to do to myself. my closest friend is terrified for me, if god only knows then she has an idea of the toll this is going to take on me on top of everything else.

I recently lost my soul cat, which has been the most gut wrenching thing. It got me thinking about my grandfather's dog, a dog I never knew. I wanted to share if this gave other people some comfort.

My grandfather had a dog that passed away just before I was born. He'd never even wanted a dog, but my dad got him one anyway, and he ended up loving him more than anything in the world. He said that losing this dog had been worse than losing his mother, and he was a very tough person.

I never knew this dog, but he was always present in our lives. My grandfather had built a room and bed for him under his staircase, and as a child, I used to love hanging out in there. There was a large portrait of him above the stairs, watching over us. We'd still talk about what he liked, how he would have reacted to things in our daily lives, etc.

I never knew him, but he felt like a minor deity to me. We all talked about him all the time like he was still there, watching over the house. We changed the name of his breed to his name when talking about other dogs. I always felt deep comfort in the dog's invisible presence. I never knew him, but he was everywhere, looking over me. Part of the family mythology. My grandfather himself passed away over twenty years ago, but we still talk about his dog.

I feel like this dog had passed into legend rather than simply passed away. Talking about him, enjoying the same places, his portraits around the house, made him a constant presence. My feelings about my cat are still too raw but I hope the same thing for him, eventually. That I will keep talking about him, honouring the things he enjoyed, and keeping his legacy alive, and I can only hope that twenty years after I'm gone, they'll still be talking about him fondly.

My parents let me pick out a furry friend for our family when I was in 8th grade. I picked out our girl & she was with us for (almost) 14 years - what an amazing life! I’m now 26 and she would have been 14 in December. She was my best friend for the most pivotal moments of my life - going into high school, graduating high school, going off to college, graduating college. getting engaged, starting my career… I don’t think any pet will ever replicate what she meant to me. We had to put her down yesterday after fighting a very aggressive sarcoma for the last three months. Today I came home from work to an empty house and just started losing it. That dog meant more to me than most people: She was in my life longer than most of my current friendships. I don’t really know what the point of this post is other than to vent about my girl. I miss you so much. You were the best dog anyone could ever ask for. Rest easy in doggy heaven.

Crazy how life can change in a week. 2 weeks ago my dog (cathahula-mix) was her normal self. She started throwing up stomach bile. Took her to the vet. X-ray showed nothing. Not eating or pooping. Got results from blood test saying liver counts were very high. Scheduled catscan for Thursday. More to story. Divorced for a year. We got her and my husky-mix who died week we separated when dating. Ex-wife and I have a good co-dog parenting relationship where she takes turns between us both. My ex wife noticed she is not getting better. She would be 12 on Christmas. We mutually decided it's best to put her down as all the signs are saying she's at end-of-life. It's hitting hare because she is the last link between us. Leyland is such a wonderful girl. Everyone would stop and compliment how cute she is. Currently, living with my dad who has alzheimers. He has a lab-mix and 2 cats. Although I still have some more furry friends, it won't be the same. I love you Leyland. I will never forget you.

A couple days ago i lost my baby girl. She was my whole world my rock. I knew she wasn’t feeling good. I got her when i was a little girls. She always been energetic even with her age but the night she past she was so peaceful she didn’t even great me at the door like she usually did she don’t come when i yelled honey i’m home. When i had seen her the little growth i had noticed had gotten bigger in the past 6 hours i was gonna take her to the vet in the moring we had an appointment. But around 11 i woke up to crying and she was bleeding everywhere it wouldn’t stop my mom took us to the emergency hospital and they wanted so much money i didn’t have and couldn’t get just to stop the bleeding i had to kiss her one last time before they put her down and i don’t know what to do it’s been 4 days i cant stop crying i just want my sage back her stuff is everywhere and i had to clean up so much of her blood off things i feel lost and alone

It's been 7 months since I lost my cat and lately I've been worrying about something I never really thought about before.

I'm scared I'm going to forget the little things about her.

I still remember the big stuff, obviously. But sometimes I'll look at an old photo and realize I can't quite remember what she sounded like anymore. Or I'll try to remember some little habit she had and it takes me a minute.

I have so many pictures of her on my phone. Most of them are just her sleeping or sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I used to take pictures of everything she did, even the most boring stuff.

Now I'm really glad I did.

But photos don't really capture everything, you know? Like the little noises she'd make or the way she'd act when she wanted attention.

Sometimes I still look toward the places where she used to hang out, almost expecting her to be there. It's weird how those habits stick around.

I think that's what gets me the most. I'm slowly getting used to her not being here, but I don't want to get so used to it that I start forgetting what having her around actually felt like.

I've been thinking about writing down random memories whenever they come to me, even if they're silly or don't seem important.

Does anyone else worry about this? How do you keep those little memories from fading? I really don't want to forget her.

Does anyone truly recover from the grief? My Lil guy had been with me since I was 14 and we had a great 14 years until he unexpectedly fell ill last November and I had to put him down. I feel this sort of guilt for putting him to rest. Sometimes I wish he would of passed unexpectedly in his sleep one night instead of the depressing ER visit to the vet that night. . .

I am still not used to the empty house. Not hearing is run to the door when I come home everyday still haunts me. I have lost uncle's and my grandma and its not the same. Sometimes I feel like this darkness/ hole will last forever.

After nearly a year my wife and I have thought about adopting a new friend but I am still not sure if I am ready.

My beagle Ben was my baby. I have grown up with dogs throughout my life and had dogs that were “mine,” but it was really other family members taking care of them. Ben was the first dog I really took responsibility for, paying for his vet bills and he really felt like my first child. My mom loves him like he was her grandchild as well.

It’s been a year since my Ben suddenly passed. I got married 5 months ago and had Ben lived he would be with me and my husband now. There are pictures of him around my apartment and I have thought of him every day and celebrated his death anniversary and birthday, and now I am preparing an ofrenda for him. The feeling of having so much love with nowhere to go has been growing over the past months.

We are now seriously thinking of adopting a particular dog. We haven’t met her yet but fell in love with her picture and description on Instagram. But last night as I was thinking and planning about puppy proofing our apartment, I suddenly felt so much guilt towards Ben.

I don’t ever want to forget him and I don’t ever want him to feel forgotten. The guilt and trauma of losing him still casts this shadow over my memory. I have to look at videos to remember that he loved me and that he knew I loved him. Sometimes I ask my husband if my dog loved me and if he felt loved, because I just need to hear it.

I know logically that I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I feel like if I give all my love to this new dog, Ben might fade out of my life and it feels like another goodbye after holding him so close to my heart for so long.

My beloved dog recently passed away after spending 18 years with me. Her last year was probably the hardest. She was mostly blind, mostly deaf, had severe dementia, and couldn’t do much of anything without my help. I was constantly anxious whenever I left the house because I worried she’d fall, get stuck somewhere, or hurt herself while I wasn’t there to help her.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely cried and still do. But I didn’t cry when she actually passed, or even when I got home afterward. I still have moments where I cry thinking about her, but it’s mostly just tears and sniffles rather than uncontrollable sobbing.
When my cat passed away from cancer at 7 years old, it was completely different. He was still his spunky, sweet self until the last few days before I had to put him down. The moment I got into my car afterward, I completely broke down. I was inconsolable and cried harder than I ever had in my life.
I guess I’m just trying to understand why my grief feels so different. I had my dog for 18 years, practically a lifetime, and loved her so much. But I haven’t experienced the same overwhelming emotional reaction that I did when I lost my cat.
Has anyone else experienced this? I know grief looks different for everyone, but part of me wonders why I’m not grieving my dog the way I expected to.

My family's hen named Colette just passed away. We found her this morning laying in the grass... She seemed to have passed away from old age. She was at least 5 years old, we think more (she wasn't born with us).

Colette was very adorable 🧡🐔

Colette used to supervise gardening tasks and eat worms we'd dig up for her. She would follow us around in the garden when we were outside.

Colette would​ even knock on our living room glass door when we'd be late to feeding her🧡

She would walk freely in the living room if the door was opened​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​. We'd pet her and she liked being kissed. She would run to us when we'd call her name​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ across the garden especially for feeding time. She was the colours of autumn 🧡🤎 🐔

And she passed away at the beginning of autumn.​ We already miss her a lot. I cried with my mom this morning. We put Colette's favorite sunflowers seeds​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ in a pretty little bowl,​ just where we buried her. I made a small flowers bouquet.

She had a good life and was fed well🧡 we miss her and still ​love her lots. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​

I'm genuinely feeling so crushed:( I got Charlie as a tiny little puppy when I was 15 in 2017, I'm 24 now. I felt like there was so much time left, & he was so happy and bubbly to the last second I saw him on Friday, October 9. He passed days later on Monday, October 12. 💔 3 days. 3 damn days.💔

I left my moms' house on Friday evening after they got home from the beach, I had been watching all the animals while they were gone, for a week. I warned them of a cough he had developed. It had been about 3-4 days maybe that he was coughing. They took him to their vet on Saturday, they treated him for an infection, put him on steroids & antibiotics, sent him back home. ( My mom did eventually tell me that they told her that he had heart murmurs but she didn't wanna worry me.)

Charlie took a turn for the worst Monday morning, they took him back to that same vet, but they still didn't treat him for what he really had, so they brought him to another vet, who actually tried to save him. They had him on oxygen & lasix. At that point, he was in congestive heart failure, & he had an enlarged heart💔 he had fluid build up in his little lungs. which was the coughing I was hearing :( 💔💔💔 My mom told me the vet also did CPR on him, but his little body just couldn't fight it. :(

I'm torturing myself with all of the what ifs, & I just truly cannot believe he's gone, it feels like a nightmare I cannot wake up from. That first night he passed, when I finally slept after sobbing for hours... I had 2 dreams, that felt SO real, where I saw him, held him, felt him, & his fur... :( like he was RIGHT there. I felt him and saw him. just feels unreal still, I know it's only been a couple days but the pain is immense. never saw this coming :( 💔

Rest in peace, my sweet boy Charlie. I love you so so so much & I'm gonna miss you the rest of my life❤️‍🩹

My mom and I brought home a puppy for my 16th birthday. We had to put him down today. He was 17. It's a weird, different pain, I cant really describe it. A few weeks ago he was jumping around and wagging his tail. The only time he wasn't wagging his tail was when he was asleep. But when I woke up this morning, I didn't think this is how the day would go. Hearing the vets words and him not being there with me like he was this morning. I just want my dog home, I want to take care of him. I want him to look at me and wag his tail. He kissed me for the last time and I kept kissing him and holding him as much as I could. I knew this day would eventually come, but I wasn't prepared at all. The pain was whole body. I don't understand how people do this multiple times. I don't think I can ever have a dog again. I dont know how to cope. This is just a vent I guess.

I still can’t believe that he’s no longer part of my life now. He was the sweetest animal to ever existed in this world. I believe he was an angel in cat form. Every day I would hold him in my arms and kiss his little face and tell him that I love him a lot and he’s the sweetest boy ever cutest boy ever. Now he’s not there for me to hold and kiss and pet anymore. He’s not there to sleep by my side every night anymore. He’s not there to wait for me to come home from work anymore. This is too much for me to handle.

I did not deserve him. I was not good enough to deserve such a sweet baby. I blame myself for his death. There were at least a couple of things that I could do differently and save his life. I hate myself for my mistakes.

On the day he died he puked out the food he ate the day before on the floor in the morning. It was not the first time he puked like that so I didn’t pay much attention and believed that he would get better after he got everything out, like previous times. Ever since his hind legs got paralyzed he developed difficulties in peeing and pooping, and I got used to cleaning his pee/poop/puke on the floor. That day as I was cleaning I put him in a basket-like cat bed so he wouldn’t spread the puke everywhere. Then he started to form foam in his mouth, and I thought it was just part of the puking process, but moments later I watched his body shaking violently and then he just passed away like that. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I still can’t. It happened so suddenly. My baby was gone just like that. I held his dead body in my arms and I could not process what was happening. I didn’t cry during that time, I was very confused.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t regret anything in the past. There were bad things happened to me, and I myself made bad decisions here and there throughout my life, but I don’t regret any of them. Most of the time I just found at least one positive outcome from a bad situation and moved on with my life. But this time, I regret everything so much. I wish I didn’t put him on the cat tree in the first place so his leg wouldn’t be hurt from falling down from there. The height was less than a meter, so it should be fine for a cat, but vet said his bone structure was quite abnormal compared to other cats which was why he suffered so much from the fall. I wish I had given him much more love and attention, as he deserved. Had I try to take better care of him he would still be alive now. I wish I could get on a time machine and fix all my mistakes. I was such a bad cat mom for him.

I named him Cashmere, but most of the times I called him baby boy, or honey boy, cause he’s just as sweet as honey. Every time I washed his butt after he pooped I would jokingly call him pooping boy, and every time I put a cat diaper on him I would call him diaper boy. Unlike my other cat, all he wanted to do was purring while being petted by me all day long. He liked to be super glued to me 24/7, so I also sometimes call him mama’s boy, and laughed by his cute funny face. There were a few times when I got tired of cleaning the floor from his stuff multiple times a day, I shouted at him a little bit, and now I regret that as well. Despite being shouted at by such a bad mom like me, he still loved me unconditionally and just wanted to cling to me all the time. You cannot tell me he was not an angel in cat form. I’m crying as I’m typing this. I love my boy so much and I miss him so bad. I want to have my baby in my arms once again.

I still have his sister with me, but he’s simply irreplaceable. My life is not the same anymore. I felt that I didn’t treasure the moments I had with my baby much enough. When I was taking his body to the cremation place, I thought that the one who should have gone was me, not him. I have lived long enough, he was still so young. I have so many flaws and mistakes and I don’t deserve to live long, he’s the one who deserve a long life, cause he’s so perfect and there isn’t a single bad thing about him.

I want my baby boy back. I can’t live without him. I hope I will see him again in heaven one day. I have his urn right next to me now and I still can’t believe this is what’s left of him.