Title says it all. This is like a nightmare. I went from 3 dogs to 1 in just 10 days. My oldest dog (12yo) had cancer, my middle dog (10yo) had a million problems that escalated when his older sister passed, and now I’m left with just my youngest (4yo). My own grief is debilitating… and watching my remaining dog, husband and child grieve is fucking brutal. I know people in here will get it.

I was away and I told her I would board my dog with a friend. She told me to save the money, that she would be fine and could handle it. I told her repeatedly do not let my dog around the other dog with food around, although my dog is generally great with other dogs and put up with alot from my mom’s dog, the dog was a micro teacup and it wasn’t worth the risk if resources were around. 48 hours before the event happened I texted on the plane responding to a picture of them reminding her to be careful even if they were getting along. My warnings have never taken seriously, for example when this same dog bloated with GDV and almost died my mom joked about how she always thought I was being “psychotic or lazy” for getting upset if she tried to make my large breed dog move around less than 2 hours after eating. This fact alone is enough to make me feel stupid for trusting her with them together. I even bought the little dog food bowls to attach to her crate but I guess they weren’t pink or heart shaped and cute enough to use. She put the little dogs food in a bowl on the ground in a room my dog had access to and left the room. My dog apparently crushed her skull with one correction bite. I’m gutted. I’m angry. I’m heartbroken for my mom, for her dog and for my dog. I can’t look at my dog the same, I know she was set up to fail but I can’t help it. I don’t know how to move on and I feel sick. I personally found that breeder for the little dog, flew to pick her up, had a great time helping with potty training and crate training and she’s just fucking gone. Because of my dog, because I didn’t manage properly. I’m so angry at everything I don’t know how to move on. I don’t want to speak to anyone I’m embarrassed and sad. I feel like I can’t speak about it without my dog being labeled a monster when I know deep down it wasn’t aggression it was communication but she’s a large working breed and one correction was enough. I snapped today at my mom and said maybe if I was allowed to correct my dog for being a fuckwad at her house without hearing “don’t hurt her” (she’s not being abused I promise) then my dog would have had the fear of correction in her mind and not been so quick to take it into her own hands. My mom started to cry and said “yea it’s my fault your dog made my puppy’s eyes fall out of her head”. I can’t take this anymore I don’t want to be here. I don’t want my dog. My entire life feels shattered.

My sweet, gentle, delicate cat, Babes, was given 2-3 weeks. I didn't expect this. I went to the vet today to get some medication for her skin allergies. She's always had skin allergies, so it wasn't anything new, but I noticed she was experiencing more distress than past flare-ups. I figured I'd let them run all the tests they suggested, and... they discovered she has terminal cancer. If we are incredibly lucky, she might have 1-2 months, at most. But... they said we will very, very, very likely not and expect about two weeks... maybe less...

I'm in shock.

I rescued her eight years ago. I thought we would have more time... I bonded with her so deeply, I forgot that I didn't always have her... I felt like I raised her from a kitten, even though she was a mother cat when I got her. A mother cat who already went through hell in life... She was at least eight years old when I got her, so that puts her at 16-17 now... She's just... my baby.

She has been doing so good lately too, happier than ever, especially in the last two years and especially in the last half year; she finally seemed to get past her past life's trauma, and we bonded even more deeply than we ever have.

She is the light of my life, truly. And now I know that her life is coming to an end soon.

It all feels so sudden, and I'm completely heartbroken. I'm just trying to hold onto the fact that these last eight years have been so wonderful. It's more time than some get. But I'm so scared to lose her... to experience her rapid decline in the coming days and weeks... At least I know it's coming and can make her as comfortable as possible.

Please share pictures of your cat or cat(s) in the comments. Hopefully that kind of request is allowed. But, idk, I really want to see everyone's cat or cats they are grieving.

I'm genuinely feeling so crushed:( I got Charlie as a tiny little puppy when I was 15 in 2017, I'm 24 now. I felt like there was so much time left, & he was so happy and bubbly to the last second I saw him on Friday, October 9. He passed days later on Monday, October 12. 💔 3 days. 3 damn days.💔

I left my moms' house on Friday evening after they got home from the beach, I had been watching all the animals while they were gone, for a week. I warned them of a cough he had developed. It had been about 3-4 days maybe that he was coughing. They took him to their vet on Saturday, they treated him for an infection, put him on steroids & antibiotics, sent him back home. ( My mom did eventually tell me that they told her that he had heart murmurs but she didn't wanna worry me.)

Charlie took a turn for the worst Monday morning, they took him back to that same vet, but they still didn't treat him for what he really had, so they brought him to another vet, who actually tried to save him. They had him on oxygen & lasix. At that point, he was in congestive heart failure, & he had an enlarged heart💔 he had fluid build up in his little lungs. which was the coughing I was hearing :( 💔💔💔 My mom told me the vet also did CPR on him, but his little body just couldn't fight it. :(

I'm torturing myself with all of the what ifs, & I just truly cannot believe he's gone, it feels like a nightmare I cannot wake up from. That first night he passed, when I finally slept after sobbing for hours... I had 2 dreams, that felt SO real, where I saw him, held him, felt him, & his fur... :( like he was RIGHT there. I felt him and saw him. just feels unreal still, I know it's only been a couple days but the pain is immense. never saw this coming :( 💔

Rest in peace, my sweet boy Charlie. I love you so so so much & I'm gonna miss you the rest of my life❤️‍🩹

I got a 8 week old kitten not too long ago after wanting to adopt a cat for the longest time. This guy Shiki genuinely made me the happiest ever. Yesterday, I got home and he was acting a little lethargic, though I thought he might’ve just been tired. Later that day he became generally normal again, eating, using litter, and embracing me like nothing had happened.

Today when I came home from work, he hadn’t even touched the food I had left him, so when I went to go check on him, I found him lethargic and cold. I rushed him to the vet as soon as I could, but they told me he was extremely anemic and in critical condition. They tried their best but told me that there was no guarantee that he would live. They told me he was suffering, and I unfortunately had to let him go.

I managed to compose myself until I got back to my room with nothing but reminders of my failure. I don’t know what to do, my room feels so lonely and I miss his little cries. I got him to keep my company, but now that he’s gone I feel so alone and I can’t even imagine trying to get a new cat now, it feels wrong.

I’m lost, alone, and mourning. I tried my best to take care of such a loving baby, but now he’s gone and I don’t know what to do.

Recently lost my corgi, which there will be a post about him soon. But right now, as I am starting to do my usual tasks and routine, my mind would go “Last time I was doing this , he was still alive”. Whether that’s something major like going back to work or little stuff like putting the dishes away. Example would be “last time I went to Walmart my dog was still alive” or “he was still living with us in our home watching me the last time I was preparing to go to work”z Has anyone had this experience before? Please share on how you dealt with this.

My little girl, Misty, died last night and I genuinely don’t know how to cope with the heartbreak.

I know grief is normal and that it will hopefully get easier with time, but I haven’t been able to stop crying since I said goodbye to her. Her condition deteriorated so quickly. She went from being seemingly healthy to extremely sick within a matter of hours, and I don’t think I’ve even begun to process what happened.

I’ve had Misty since I was nine years old. I’m 23 now, and she’s been my constant companion through almost every stage of my life. She was my best friend, my comfort, and genuinely my soulmate.

This is my first experience with pet loss, and the grief feels absolutely unbearable. There isn’t a single room in my house where I can find any peace because everything reminds me of her. Every little thing brings back a memory, followed by the crushing realisation that she’s never going to be there again. I keep expecting to see her in all her usual places.

What makes it even harder is that Misty was the one who helped me through some of the most difficult periods of my life. Whenever I was upset or struggling, she was always there. Now I’m experiencing probably the worst heartbreak of my life, and the one who would normally comfort me is the one I’m grieving. I feel completely lost without her.

I know it’s only been a day, and I can’t expect to feel better already, but I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to adjust to a life without her. The thought of never holding her, seeing her little face, or having her beside me again is absolutely destroying me.

For anyone who has experienced this kind of loss, how did you cope in those first few days and weeks? Did anything help you deal with the overwhelming sadness or make being at home feel less painful?

I would really appreciate any advice, or even just hearing from people who have been through something similar. My heart is completely shattered, and I miss my little girl more than words can explain.

I lost my baby Iris Tuesday night, two days ago. She was only 1 year 8 months old, a small golden retriever with crinkly hair on her ears. Although her life was full of adventures and love, she deserved more. We left to the beach, arriving before 3PM, parked up and walked along the beach till we reached a stony coast with cliffs. My sister’s two dogs (4 and 5) joined us. I figured the shade from the cliff and cool waves would keep her cool, with water from my drink bottle… but she’d been drinking the ocean water. A few times in front of me, but likely while swimming where I couldn’t tell her off. Eventually she showed signs, and they got severe fast. I wish I knew better then how critical this all was. The worst part, she ran away confused as we got back to the main beach with family’s and kids near. She stuck close to me till that moment, and after that couldn’t recognise me from a distance either. Maybe her sight/ confused anxious brain made her react this way. Seeing her so confused broke my heart. We manage to get her to the emergency vet around 5.. on the way there I held her on my lap to prevent her lethargic body from swaying too much, her head on my arm licking me with the breeze from the window on her face. She seemed somewhat peaceful here. At the vet, they tried their best but the salt levels were too high, we got that dreadful call. I thought she’d stabilise, if I’d known I’d have stayed with her in the vet. I know the vets were kind to her when she passed. I said goodbye to her that night, I didn’t want to let go. I saw her again in the morning, petting her like she was still here. I still don’t want to let go. She should still be here. I don’t know how to cope. So many things I could’ve done better.. park closer, learn the signs, learn how to prevent it. She was so young and sassy, the smartest dog I know. Dogs will be dogs, and they generally don’t know their limits. I should have known them. So much guilt, shame, anger, sadness. I just want her back.

my family thinks I’m crazy, but i genuinely still feel depressed and horrible thinking back to one of my cats that passed in 2023, the one time I let him out in the sun for a few minutes and left for a moment and yeh neighbours dog jumped over the fence and got him, it hurts more because I feel as I caused it, even though it was summer and he was gone in under 10 minutes.

I miss him, he was bonded with his brother who is still with me, I feel bad for my other cat who was bonded and I just feel horrible overall, I’ve had so many dreams of this cat the last week, I miss him :(.

I also have a horrible dread for when my other 2 cats go too.. I try treat and play with them as much as I can with our time together but it never feels like enough. I don’t know what I’ll do when they’re gone

Earlier today, I had to put my cat down. I feel awful or as if I took away her agency by doing so. She was so sickly that the vet said she could die at any moment while we were there, and that even with treatment that she'd still continue to suffer regardless. I've been trying to go about my day as normal, but I have so much guilt. I keep wondering if she'd forgive me for this if she could. I've been looking at posts of people talking about losing their pets, and I've seen people say that if you aren't with your pets when they get euthanized that you're a bad pet owner or that you've done wrong by them. In that moment she had to be put down, she was already practically asleep. I pet her as much as I could before the vets took her, and she was almost entirely unresponsive. I didn't want to remember her like this, or have that memory of her being put down. She was so lively beforehand, and even just seeing the state she was in when I took her to the vet horrifies me. I feel selfish for not wanting to be there for her. Everything I see online about whether or not you should stay and watch or leave makes me feel horrible. I feel horrible for even trying to live my day as usual too. I felt so detached in the moment, I still do to some degree. I didn't want to talk about it to anyone I know because I figured they wouldn't care or that I'd just be a burden on their day, and it makes me wonder if me seeming so callous made me seem like I don't care. It's all hitting me now what had happened. I feel like I've betrayed her, I feel awful that these were her final moments, and I feel awful for not being there to watch over her.

just breaking down and sobbing again because i still cant believe i allowed this to happen. i hoped he would somehow get better and start eating again like he did once before. but he didn’t. my denial had severe consequences, and the guilt is destroying me . i didn’t get him to the vet soon enough, and there was a decent chance it would’ve prevented this outcome. now there’s absolutely nothing i can do to make it right or fix what has happened. im just forever stuck living with the reality that my pet is no longer here on this earth because of my own poor judgment. i don’t know how to move past that. it is so unfair that my life gets to go on, like nothing ever happened, while his does not. it’s so devastating. i made a permanent mistake and i’ll have to carry the regret for the rest of my life.

After a year and a half, I realize that when you lose your soul animal, you can never to return to who you were. I am no longer that version of myself, I can't be, part of me died too. That doesn't mean It has to be a bad thing, it's just new, and the reality. Starting to think like this has helped me from drowning in grief, I'm different, but I'm still bringing him with me as a new version of myself. Together we will do great things for other animals. But it still hurts every day. How lucky are we to have known such love though, and to have them in life and death to keep us growing. I miss you boy.

I have a mini schnauzer rescue that was abused and neglected before we adopted him 8 years ago. Charlie attached himself to me all those years ago and we have been inseparable ever since. He is my last best friend because I’ve already lost my other three best animal friends. Charlie is my only connection without him I don’t have anybody. My heart has been shattered since last Friday when the vet said Charlie has a low quality of life and recommended euthanasia. I’ve been crying ever since that night and haven’t been able to stop. I just lost my dad 9 months ago and find it completely unfair that I have to lose my best buddy now. I realize he has lived an amazing life with me and he’s had more love from me than he probably had in his entire life. I wish I didn’t have to lose him but it would be incredibly selfish to keep him earth side. My mom and I have a chi poo but she is attached to my mom and doesn’t love me the way Charlie always has. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I know one thing is for sure, I will be lonely without him.

We had to put down our beautiful boy Leroy today, and I just want people to know he existed.

He was vocal. He would wake yell at 5:30 for attention. Or treats. Or just because. He loved to go outside and walk around. He loved coming into the living room and demanding butt slaps. It was his favorite thing.

He had the most expressive eyes. He would stare into your soul and demand attention. And he got it. He was the king.

He came into my girlfriend’s life 15 years ago as a stray off the streets. Her dad didn’t want him, but bless her mom’s heart since she started sneaking him in at night. A place to sleep during the night turned into a home.

He was the best boy, and we miss him. We love him. And he’s at peace now.

My baby boy Garçon, the love of my life passed 28 days ago. If I am not completely drained from my day I won't be able to sleep.

As soon as I close my eyes I see him come running towards me, or flashbacks of his last moment. It hurts so much, 2 days, 28 days it's the same.

He's gone and it is killing me from inside. Grief is agony. His absence is agony.

I spend my days distracting myself. I binge watch Game of Thrones, paint the house, draw, I do journaling, I got 7 piercings since hes gone. All distractions during the day hoping it will make me fall asleep at night.

Tonight it's a night where my thoughts come before sleep.

I miss him so much. So so so so fucking much.

My sweet girl suddenly passed away a month ago. Her passing came two weeks after I took her to the vet where they even did a blood test on her to ensure everything was good from a medical POV since she was eliminating outside of her litter box. Everything came back normal, so we were thinking it could’ve have been behavioral. We were working on it.

I found her on a Monday and ever since then, my heart has felt so heavy. I’ve never experienced a loss like this before and it’s been so devastating to not only feel her absence myself, but to also see my other cat grieve. The grief has been suffocating. I feel like my soul was massacred.

I was given the option to move forward with a necropsy, which I did. Unfortunately, there was nothing definitive about her death. The pathologist pointed out some abnormalities, but nothing they saw was significant enough to have caused a sudden death. I’ve been given the option to move forward with additional testing: a nonspecific toxicology screening, which would be set over to UC Davis for $250 and a heavy metal and mineral exam that’d be sent to UMichigan for $170. I was told that it’s a shot in the dark, but to let them know if I want them to move forward. I would get results back in about 2-3 weeks. Mind you, I don’t have my cat’s ashes yet since they’ve needed to keep her for the necropsy.

My dilemma is the following: at what point does additional testing become selfish to make myself feel better about the situation? Am I bothering her spirit and preventing her to fully transition into the spirit realm by doing all of this? At what point do I need to let go of the grip I have or want to have to gain back some kind of control of the situation/help me with acceptance? What’s the ethics behind all of this testing - at what point does it become inhumane?

I’m fearful of being left with a “what if” for the rest of my life if I don’t move forward with the tests, but at the same, I feel like this need to also just close this up and have her returned to me, especially as I’ve uncomfortably been thinking about what state is she currently in.

Her sudden passing has made me want to search for an answer, which is why I moved forward with the necropsy. I was hoping to get a definitive result from it, but if anything, I was left with more questions. I feel desperate for an answer, but at the same time, I’m concerned that the exams would not give me answers as well. I want to feel like I exhausted every option, but is it worth it?

Now that it’s been a month, part of me is just wanting her back. I just want to get her cremated and have the ashes returned to me. Even though I’m not ready for that day, I think having her ashes will make me feel closer to her. If I move forward with testing, it’ll be a while until I can get her back and that just feels so uneasy on me. I’m not concerned about the money, but at this point, is it worth moving forward with either or both tests? I’m not sure what to do and would appreciate advice.

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Yesterday, I lost my little girl, Chintu. She was only 10 months old.

I'm struggling to even put what happened into words. She was attacked by a dog and suffered a spinal injury. Her X-ray showed a fracture in the fourth lumbar vertebra and compression of the spinal cord around the fracture. Her hind legs weren't working, and she was having trouble urinating. We were told to manage her conservatively because surgery wasn't an option.

The hours that followed were terrifying. I kept looking for ways to help her, worrying about her pain, her bladder, whether she would ever walk again, and whether she would be okay. She had even started eating again at one point, and there were moments when she was responsive and looked at me.

Then yesterday, we took her to the vet. She was still with us. I remember her being happy and purring before we went. That memory is haunting me now because I keep wishing I could go back to that moment.

During the visit, the vet pressed her abdomen. After a while, she started vomiting foam, then began having sharp jerking movements, and she passed away.

I don't know exactly what happened medically, and not knowing is eating me alive. Part of me keeps thinking that the vet killed her. Another part wonders whether she was already too badly injured and whether there was anything anyone could have done. I don't know if she was suffering, whether she could have recovered, or whether her death spared her from a life of pain. I keep searching for answers that I might never get.

And then there's the guilt.

I keep going back to the circumstances of the accident and wondering what I could have done differently. I keep replaying the vet visit, wondering if I should have done something differently there, too. I know I was trying to help her, but emotionally, it feels like I failed the little creature who depended on me.

She was just a baby. She had so much life left to live.

This morning, she was the first thing on my mind when I woke up. I think my brain still expects her to be here. Then I remember, all over again, that she's gone.

I miss her terribly. I miss knowing she was somewhere in the house. I miss the thought that I still had time with her. I would give anything to have one ordinary day with her again, even if all she did was sit beside me and purr.

I have so many conflicting feelings. I feel devastated that she's gone, guilty about what happened, angry that this happened to her, and sometimes relieved at the thought that she might no longer be suffering. Then I feel guilty for even feeling that relief.

I don't know how to live with the uncertainty surrounding her last moments. I don't know how to forgive myself for the things I keep imagining I should have done differently.

If you've lost a pet in a traumatic or sudden way, especially when you were trying to save them, how did you cope with the guilt and the memories of their final hours?

I don't need anyone to tell me that everything happens for a reason. I just want to know if this feeling ever becomes bearable, and whether it's possible to remember them without reliving the way they died.

Chintu, you were only ten months old. I'm so sorry, my little girl. I wish I could have brought you home.

This is long, you don't need to read it. I just feel really alone right now and had to tell my girls story.

2 and a half years ago I came across a poorly looking cat living amongst the tractors and hay at the farm where we have a small office set up.

It was just before the winter in 2024.

She looked just like one of my childhood cats who would have been the same age.

I coaxed her into my office with some treats and got her to sit on a thick blanket on one of the chairs. She fell asleep soon after and from that day onwards, she became my little companion.

Soon after taking her in, she became unwell. I took her to the vets and we learned 3 things; 1. Her name was Sprocket, 2. She was 17 years old. 3. She had late stage 2 kidney disease.

We left with new meds and new diet instructions. I had the thick matted fur gently shaved off her and bought her a new heat pad to sleep on.

I learned that she had been left to live in the farmhouse by her first owner who went into a nursing home. That must of been about 8 years ago or more. The people who moved in must of made it so she wasn't allowed to sleep inside any more. On rainy days she would sit outside the front door crying her heart out.

Winter 2024 came and went, I wasn't sure if she would it but she did. It was a hard winter. Summer came and she started perking up, she started exploring the farm again, spending more and more of her days in the sunshine rather than sleeping on her bed.

The seasons changed as her visible love for me did.

Winter 2025 came around and we were prepared. Multiple blankets, heat pad, new renal food selection, new heater for the office. We managed to keep it warm in there all Winter. It was about this time where she developed a daily habit of jumping onto my desk and let me actually stroke and rest my hand on her without trying to nip at it.

She made it through another Winter.

And this summer we were blessed. Albeit being a bit slower, eating a bit less, and sleeping more, she continued desk hopping, she went back outside into the sunshine, and she let me love her deeply. And I felt her love back.

And then 3 weeks ago, I could tell from the way she looked at me that time was running out. This good spell was coming to and end.

Over these 3 weeks she ate less and less. Slept more and desk visits became noticeably less frequent. As the days are growing colder, her bones were becoming painful. She started showing signs of intense nausea, she wouldn't get her meds in her, and yesterday, when she refused her chicken completely (she normally always eats some chicken) I felt like I had to make the hard decision.

Sprocket went to sleep for the last time with her head resting in my hand at 11:40am yesterday, the 14th October.

I know that I only had and was able to care and love her for 2 years of our lives, but im so sad man. Im so so sad. Im dreading walking into the office today.

I keep telling myself I did the right thing. And that above anything, she left this world feeling loved. Unconditional love. And she knew it. She still knows it.

Sorry I just didn't think id grieve this hard and I just had to speak about her.

My beagle Ben was my baby. I have grown up with dogs throughout my life and had dogs that were “mine,” but it was really other family members taking care of them. Ben was the first dog I really took responsibility for, paying for his vet bills and he really felt like my first child. My mom loves him like he was her grandchild as well.

It’s been a year since my Ben suddenly passed. I got married 5 months ago and had Ben lived he would be with me and my husband now. There are pictures of him around my apartment and I have thought of him every day and celebrated his death anniversary and birthday, and now I am preparing an ofrenda for him. The feeling of having so much love with nowhere to go has been growing over the past months.

We are now seriously thinking of adopting a particular dog. We haven’t met her yet but fell in love with her picture and description on Instagram. But last night as I was thinking and planning about puppy proofing our apartment, I suddenly felt so much guilt towards Ben.

I don’t ever want to forget him and I don’t ever want him to feel forgotten. The guilt and trauma of losing him still casts this shadow over my memory. I have to look at videos to remember that he loved me and that he knew I loved him. Sometimes I ask my husband if my dog loved me and if he felt loved, because I just need to hear it.

I know logically that I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I feel like if I give all my love to this new dog, Ben might fade out of my life and it feels like another goodbye after holding him so close to my heart for so long.

My beautiful soulcat died suddenly at four last month. I have felt such immense grief since then but it has worsened immensely since my Mum talked about us getting another cat because the house felt empty. We went through the process of getting this kitten and I kept needing to be gently talked into it because the guilt was eating me up. Now there is a kitten here and I am angry at it for being in the space my baby once occupied. I cannot be near it, I am in my room crying 24 hours a day. I can’t sleep or eat or drink. I am feeling deeply suicidal and keep thinking about whether I would be reunited with my cat. My lovely Mum has bonded with the kitten already and I don’t want to take that away from her. I feel like a monster for feeling badly towards this new baby. I just want my boy back.

I’m so sad right now. My sweet male cat had started struggling to use the litterbox and had a blockage. I took him to the vet to get checked out and he had the blockage removed and was prescribed amoxicillin.

I thought he was on the mend and going to recover but later that day he was blocked up again and passed away suddenly during the night. He wasn’t crying out in pain or yowling or any obvious signs of distress. He was drinking water and eating so his death caught me so off guard and shocked me. He was only 3 years old and I’d had him since he was a kitten.

This is awful. I hate this. Rest in peace little guy

My dog died suddenly in an accident where she was hit by a van. She jumped off my car and went running towards the road just next to the car park. I normally have to drag her out of the car as she loved her seat and loved car journeys. So it was very shocking to me and I couldnt do anything but in blink of an eye everything happened. I saw her hit and she rolled over and managed to stand when I pocked her up and ran over to my car to take her to the vet. I drove around 10 minutes to the vet but by the time I arrived she had passed away. Vet tried to resuscitate her but she had already crossed the rainbow bridge. The moment I saw she was hit I was in a shock and I feel like I shouldnt have panicked and should have stayed with her during her final moments or even tried to do some CPR myself. I had a traini my session a while ago but I feel now that I couldnt even save my dog. She os turning 5 next week and I had so much planned for her birthday. Now that I have to spend her birthday near her grave. I am in such a guilt about all these and I am struggling to even look at her videos and photos. I feel like she must be thinking as her mom I didnt do anything. I dont think I can never get over that trauma.
I looked after a dog for a week after her death and it gave me some relief and was able to sleep properly. Before that I was on pills to get sleep. I was even thinking of getting another dog just like her and it might help me go through this well. But at the same time I think its a selfish decision as its too early to even think about another dog. I dont even know if I will be able to see her through another dog let alone look after the dog without panicking and being overly protective. There is no motivation to even go out of the house when I was almost out with her for walks and we loved the beach and the mountains.

Her name is Indy. For anyone who might see this and know her, I know she was a light in your life too. Indy was a 10 year old mix of Jindo, GSD, and Great pyr. When I say she was a floof- she was a FLOOF.

We lost Indy out of nowhere yesterday at like 1am. She was staying with my parents (her beloved grandparents who loved her so much) and my husband and I were away on a business trip. My poor mom gave us a call about the emergency. That they were on their way to the ER but she was was unconscious and hardly breathing/might already been gone, which she was by the time they go to the ER.

I don't think I've ever truly wailed like that in my life. She was my everything. She was my trained service dog since we got her at about 12 weeks old but due to being a bit fear reactive she wasn't able to do that for long in public but man she sure was able to everywhere else. I love her more than anything. She is my everything. I always think about her. I can't wait to go home from everything just to see her even if I've only been gone a few minutes. So not having been able to say goodbye is absolutely killing me. We flew back from our trip immediately so that we could grieve. I cried the whole 5 hour flight home. Coming home was a nightmare. Seeing her things was the worst feeling. I would do anything to have been able to kiss her and feel her floof just one more time when she passed. Anything. To smell her. To cry on her.

I am so grateful for my parents for going through this and doing all the could for her. But I feel awful that they had to go through the trauma of being so sure she would be fine to her suddenly passing. She was fast asleep then woke up and wandered off to the living room where he legs stopped functioning and she was confused and lethargic for about 15min before passing out and passing about 20min later on my moms lap. We had to make the call to proceed with cremation before we even really could process she's gone.

I can't understand it. I don't want to do this life without her. I felt I had so much more time with her. She was so happy and active and normal that day. Nothing was wrong. She had great walks, went swimming, kayaking laid in the sun, did all the things she loves most in life. She LOVED it at their home and I'm grateful she passed there. But the fact that we couldn't say goodbye is absolutely killing me. The quietness of the house is killing me. The little traces of her around the house are killing me. I don't know what to do. She was an extension of me. I didn't go with my husband to drop her off at her grandparents because we're co dependant and her watching me leave just is far too heart wrenching for me. So I said my goodbyes told her to have fun on Friday evening. She passed Tuesday early morning.

Any help, guidance, or just words are appreciated. I truly don't know how to process this. Understand it. Make sense of it. Understand she wasn't in pain. Idk. It's just my worst nightmare next to losing my parents. ❤️ Ty.