Feeling guilty over thought of new pet

[u/Firm-Mix8255]

Hi everyone, to jump right into it, I lost my soul kitty almost 2 weeks ago. He passed naturally of old age (18 years old), in his favorite spot, with me next to him. It was completely unexpected but I know he was happy. My grief has been unbearable. He’s the first pet I’ve ever lost, and he was my closest companion for all of those 18 beautiful years. Now, I’m scared to be alone and I can barely stand even being at my house. I have never felt such a deep loneliness.

That brings me to my problem… I’ve never lived without a cat, so my boyfriend and I have started making plans to welcome two kittens into our hearts. Part of me is so happy, but I can’t help but feel guilty for getting a new pet so soon after my baby passed. Everyone I talk to seems to have mixed opinions. Half have told me to go get a cat right away, others have said they waited years after losing theirs. I feel like either way, I’m not making the right decision. I know timelines are very individualized, but is 2 weeks WAY too soon?? I like to think that my past baby is guiding me to my next friend, and that I’m on the right path, but I still feel like I’m disrespecting him in a way. Has anyone else ever dealt with these feelings? What did your timeline look like?

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[u/Sad_Bite_8003]

Hi!! Let us know what you end up doing, because I also lost my baby boy not even 2 weeks ago yet and I have mixed feelings about ever getting another one too. He was my soul cat, though we were only together two years, what if I end up liking the new cat more, or what if they never can compare? Both options seem bad but yeah I’m in a similar boat.

[u/Firm-Mix8255 → u/Sad_Bite_8003]

I’m sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹 it’s the worst feeling!! I’m preparing myself for the “new cat will never compare” scenario, because it’s true, my Squid was so unique and perfect to me and impossible to replace (not that that’s what I’m trying to do). But I do know I want to love another cat, so I’m hoping I’m making the right decision

[u/Sad_Bite_8003 → u/Firm-Mix8255]

I think I might do the same then. Both options seemed bad but I think loving any other car more than my soul cat would be the worse of the two, no other cat can ever compare 🤧, I’m sorry for your loss too, if you ever need to talk I’m here , thanks again!

[u/PrettyNegotiation416]

I lost my girl six months ago and I had her for 21 years. I think a bit like being widowed. Healed people are able to be alone for a while while people who need a distraction move on faster. I loved that girl more than anything, and even though there are a couple cats I’ve looked at. I’m just not ready and I’ll wait until my heart feels absolutely OK with that, even if that means never. Everyone’s gonna be different but that’s just my two cents. She was with me my entire second quadrant of life from 21 to 42 and no cat will ever be her. I’m not healed from her loss yet and I know I would feel a ton of resentment with any cats since I’m not healed yet.

[u/Firm-Mix8255 → u/PrettyNegotiation416]

I’m so sorry for your loss 🤍 and I totally get that- that’s part of my worry, I don’t want to hold any resentment towards new kitties since they deserve all the love too. I’m seeing a therapist for this whole situation in a few days, so I plan to bring this up too and see what they think.

[u/No-LuckDuck]

There's not really a correct timeline for getting a new pet. I guess same week would be a little weird, but some people are just that in need of someone to love. Two to four weeks is a number I've seen often enough. It's sooner than I would likely ever go (I think I usually go two to four months, with a half of that just being looking at pets), but I tend to need to sit with the loneliness a bit longer to work through my grief a bit. But not everyone works through grief the way I do! Some people need that new companion to help with their grief. And that's totally valid.

Getting new pets is not disrespectful to the ones we've lost. We're not replacing them in our hearts or forgetting them or not loving them anymore. A new pet or pets means opening a new part of your heart to a new love.

Besides that, just like we want them to be happy, I'm sure our pets want us happy too. And that applies to our pets who have passed on. If a new pet or two is part of that happiness, then I'm sure your past baby is totally guiding you here.

I will warn you it may be a little hard at first if you get the new babies. You may be reminded of your cat who has passed and it may make you cry. But for me it's kind of a good cry when that happens? It's like a bit of my old fur baby lives on in the new one. Also kittens can be pretty crazy when you're used to older cats, but having two should help since they can play with each other.

I'm sorry for your loss, and good luck to you and yours, whatever you decide to do.

[u/Individual-Sound8457]

I lost my 16 year old dog on Monday. I am heartbroken. However, I also have 2 1.5 year old cats and they have been so comforting. You have the ability to provide a home and there are so many kittens needing homes. The timeline is yours alone.

[u/legsjohnson]

I think it's absolutely based on how you are processing. Eleven years ago, we lost a cat and the next day kept seeing her everywhere and it killed us. We felt sort of called to visit the shelter and when a shy black cat walked into our lap, we knew he was coming with us and felt like she sent him to us.

We had a different cat (not shelter boy) pass a few days ago. Right now we can't really contemplate another cat at all. Like we absolutely do not feel like that would be right for us.

The tl;dr is do what's right for you, now.

[u/CriticalWriter7826]

I think it’s important to grieve & feel those feelings. However, read a comment somewhere on Reddit about someone losing their childhood pet and disagreeing with their family on getting another pet, in their opinion, soon after. This person said their dad told them that as animal lovers, it is our duty to provide another animal who needs a loving home exactly that. You’re not devaluing what you had with your old pet, but recognizing that you have more love to provide and there are creatures who need it.