When do I know when?

[u/EggplantNo1992]

Everyone always says “when he’s ready, you’ll know.” And I’ve always said, I’ll never keep him here to spare me the pain. But as we grow closer, I feel like the lines are so blurred. Royce (13 y/o Boston Terrier) was diagnosed with a chemodectoma in April 2025. We decided to go the no-treatment route and I honestly do not regret it. He’s a trooper and a borderline miracle dog at this point, I know. Over the past few months, my sweet boy has been slowing down tremendously. We battled IVDD which has been really well managed by a cocktail of medication and bowel issues that have been relieved with his new food. The past few days he has had multiple spells where he collapses (not losing consciousness) and urinates on himself. His wheezing labored breathing has also gotten worse. He still eats like a lil piggy and has his moments where he seems truly happy and “fine.” But I can see the defeat and exhaustion on his face. I feel like I’m in a weird in between place right now where we are just waiting for his heart to give out. I know that will be so horrific for me to experience but (hopefully) quick for him. I don’t want to give up on him too soon, but I also don’t want him to go in a traumatic and painful way. Has anyone been in the same boat with a chemodectoma and if so, how did you “know?” I can’t imagine saying goodbye when he still has moments of being his usual self. We aren’t in the diaper wearing, no eating, accidents all the time stage yet. But I also don’t think that’s how it will end for us. I’m preemptively grieving and maybe grieving too soon. It just doesn’t feel like there will ever be a right time. Any thoughts or guidance is so appreciated.

[u/dressagerider1020]

I post this a lot, when someone is looking for answers. I used the links below when my best cat passed in June. All the best to you.

I'm sorry you're at the point that you have to consider this, it's always so hard to know. There are some good sites with questions to ask yourself as you take into account the dog's quality of life. He's had a great life with you, I think if you get to the point that he's just not enjoying life or seems in pain, double check with your vet, try not to feel guilty, and know you're just doing what's best for him. Best of luck

This site has some good resources.

https://www.lapoflove.com/how-will-i-know-it-is-time

https://www.lapoflove.com/quality-of-life-assessment

[u/Icy-Ad5824]

I just want to send love ❤️ and tell you that you are not alone. It’s so hard and I am so sorry for the pain that I know you’re likely feeling right now.

For me, I knew it was time when it got to the point that I thought my sweet girl might pass in a way that wasn’t peaceful. The idea of things being chaotic and her being scared in her last moments was more hurtful and scary for me than making that super hard decision.

I did the same thing you’re doing in seeking out advice from others and that helped me assess things too. Your sweet boy is loved and I hope you can find some peace in knowing that you gave him an amazing life.

[u/Desertgirl624 → u/Icy-Ad5824]

This was how I decided, it was painful to lose my little guy when he wa am still having some moments where he seemed ok, but then I realized that was better. I wanted him to go out gracefully still having some memories of those things he loved rather than painful memories. Hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it was best for him to not let it become an emergency.

[u/whalen47]

It’s very hard to know. Barring significant medical issues my vet said list five things they love to do and when they cant or wont do at least three it’s getting to be time. God bless you and Royce.

[u/Kooky-Laugh-7861]

I'm so sorry to hear about Royce's condition.They truly become pert of the family.

We are in a very similar situation and it's so tough and so very sad.

Our 16 year old Jack Russel (Ben) was diagnosed with prostate cancer(about 3/4 weeksa ago) and we had to make the difficult decision between an operation , chemo or palliative care.

After many tears, talks with vet and Google searches we decided to give him the best home care possible until its time.

When that time comes we are going to keep the below in mind :

- "better a week too early than a day too late"

- " Making that choice is the final, ultimate act of taking his/her pain and making it your own".

All the best !

[u/Happy-Chart-8880]

This is one of those questions where many answers may be right or not apply. We knew when he woke up at 1030pm and he couldn’t walk. We had been thinking this for a while because there were other issues health-wise that no vet, no amount of money could fix, that was time. Bob was 19, he was losing his vision, his hearing and he had dementia. That night in the way to the vet I knew he might not be coming home with us. At 230am, I was standing in an empty parking lot crying and yelling at the heavens, “This isn’t fair!” and begging Bob not to hate me.

The best way I can describe it is, my heart says one thing but my mind says something different. It was his time, he wasn’t Bob anymore his quality of live was nonexistent and keeping him around was fair to him. We had to stop being selfish and let him go home peacefully, not in pain and with us there telling him how much we loved him. I told stories about how he ran through the screen door, not once but twice because he wanted to bark at the horses, or how clever he was when he stole my coffee then pretended it wasn’t him with the smell of Starbucks on his breath. How brave he was to “make” the goats run away and how it was his birthday 3 weeks in a row so the nice lady at the treat shop would give him a treats for being 5 for about 3 weeks in a row. Every time we stopped by she’d say, “Is it your birthday again Bob.?” We talked about our first day together, oh and the famous coach fall that he promised never to tell anyone about.
We held his paw and kissed him bye and we told him thank you for loving us.

Shit, now I’m crying again.

[u/EggplantNo1992]

Thank you all so much for the support, kind words, and words of wisdom. I know it is not easy to share your experience and relive that pain in a way. So I appreciate your care and willingness to offer guidance. We have a “quality of life check” this afternoon with the vet. We have spent all morning loving on our sweet boy and I am trying my best to make peace with him maybe not coming home with us today. Thank you all again, please continue to send us love. As all of you know, this is the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

[u/soycurlgirl]

Do you want to get to the diaper wearing, no eating, accidents all the time stage? I personally did not want that for my dog. She also had IVDD. I looked at her one day and saw that exhaustion you described, and thought “Oh baby, I can’t make you live like this.” It was tough though - I think it was still another month or two until I said goodbye. I simultaneously felt guilt that it was too early and guilt that I’d waited too long. There’s no knowing or some perfect moment of clarity because it’s never going to feel right to decide for our babies that it’s time for them to go. It’s awful! But it’s one last act of love.

[u/Embarrassed-Car-226]

I’m so very sorry you’re experiencing this, and I’d like to share one of my stories in hopes it may help you to “know”, as well as my experience.

I’ve owned many senior pets, and it has been so amazing, but sad at the same time. The one thing that I notice first is the light literally leaving their eyes. It’s not so much that there isn’t a glistening when the sun or a light hits them a certain way, it just the look of them…they no longer sparkle the way they did.

I’ll tell the story of my most recent passing, my soul cat, and maybe it can help you? Obviously am not telling you what to do, just hoping to share what I saw, and why I decided when I did.

I’m gonna keep it brief and skip a bunch of backstory, but she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (ifykyk), CKD, and heart disease…and the symptoms were all very abrupt. Anyways, after we finally got the multiple myeloma diagnosis (a week after CKD diagnosis) we put her on prednisolone, and she did great, for about a month, before something changed. Oh, and by great…I mean she was atleast eating and drinking and somewhat okay, but her personality was vastly different than ever before. But she was trying, so I was trying too. One day she didn’t eat…I thought it must be because we switched from 2x a day meds to 1x a day, so I texted the vet, they gave the okay to up the dose again, and started that…it did absolutely nothing. That was when I knew. I knew because she made no attempt to eat anymore. I knew because she looked at me with this…sadness. I knew because I could literally FEEL how tired she was. I looked at her the day of scheduling her euth and explained what would happen, and she purred, and slow blinked. She hadn’t done that in awhile. The next day when the vet came, she wasn’t even scared and was rubbing up on him…she hated new people, vets, and especially people in her house.

Sometimes it’s very obvious, sometimes it’s not, but if your gut is even giving you an INKLING, I would speak to vet and trust your gut. I had the feeling a week before her scheduled euth, and days before as well…I wish I would’ve said goodbye sooner, but she was always so stubborn and she wanted to try.

Whatever you decide, make sure you’re being rational, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, she was only 12, but you have to remember…our pets rely on us for ALL decisions, even the hard ones. They will never hold a grudge over you making the best decision for them.