I'm 34m, who's recently matched with 43f on Feeld who was in a poly relationship with someone. I was clear initially that I was looking for a primary partner for a relationship and to also explore the kink lifestyle together. We went on 5-6 dates and the chemistry has been off the charts. We have hooked up multiple times and feel very very passionately for each other and want to have a relationship. She doesn't want to give a primary or secondary tag to her partners. I'm very clear in my head of the kind of relationship I want, I want to build a life with the other person which includes traveling, hobbies, getting better every day, etc. It's not centred around kink but kink is a part of it.

I get incredibly jealous when she mentions her other partner or sees his 3 times a week. I have tried to sit with the feeling and also read enough to conclude that I can't get the better of it currently. It makes me think that we are not compatible and I can't handle poly relationship as a mono person? I also feel it's incredibly time consuming to talk about it each and every time. If you take the second partner out of the equation, I would be fairly okay with things. It's his presence, the fact that I'm not the only one in her life that's eating me from inside.

Do you think I should step away from the relationship? Both of us love each other a lot ( or so I believe)

I am seeking advice for specific ways that I (monogomous boyfriend) could feel more supported / secure / requests I could make in my relationship with someone who has a long distance long term partner. For context, part of making this work for us is she agreed not to date/see other people besides myself and the partner.

It’s been a very emotionally difficult process and I have not been able to fully accept this aspect of the relationship. But what we have is very special and something I am trying to maintain. One of the dynamics is that this is by far the most emotionally serious relationship I have been in (has visited my family, first I love you). This and the M-P dynamic creates an imbalance that I don’t know how to stabilize. Dating for 6 months with 2 months separated over the summer.

Our lives are very intertwined despite some of my instincts (joined a group together with year long commitment which overlaps one of my primary social circles) so the risk of fall out and complication of us breaking up is very high. It is only holidays in which she goes to visit / is visited by her partner. I have a lot of anxiety and dread around these circumstances and I don’t know if I’ll be able to cope well enough to make the relationship worth seeing through. My second question is how have other people in my situation been able to be okay while their partner is seeing their other serious partner? I have a hard time being able to feel excited for her about getting to see this other person.

Any advice or insight would go a long way. No one in my orbit has had similar experiences.