Australian here. I just got invited to a friend’s 30th at a fancy restaurant. 5 course meal and drinks included.

Catch is they want $150 per guest paid upfront as the RSVP to cover it.

I live interstate from this friend and we are close, slightly faded apart over the last year but still in regular contact. She made the party the date she knew I was already in town so I could come. And she is coming to my child’s birthday the day before even though it’s not super convenient for her.

It’s just, I genuinely cannot afford that money. I told her I’d come before I knew this is what they would ask us to pay.

Is this normal? Am I out of touch? How do I approach this? I’m thinking being completely honest.

hey

a dear friend invited me over to spend 2 nights and i dont know what to take with me. I thought about snacks and chocolate but i feel like thats not enough. And i am gonna travel for couple of hours with train so flowers are kinda unpractical..

hope you got some ideas

My in-laws were staying with us for the weekend and brought a couple of little hostess gifts, including a jar of jam from a farmer's market where they'd tried a sample of it. I thanked them and put it in the pantry for later. We already have a couple of jars of jam on the go in the fridge, and I didn't want to open another one since we don't go through it that quickly.

Immediately, however, and for the ENTIRE weekend, they kept saying "you need to try that jam, it's such an interesting flavour! I've never had jam like it " I explained that I don't want to open it until we finished the open ones in the fridge, but they brought it up multiple times a day. I finally caved on the last day and put it on the table for breakfast after they mentioned it yet again, but I would have been much happier opening it at a later time when it would go to better use.

Was I wrong for putting it in the pantry instead of putting it away for later? Should food gifts be opened and sampled immediately, or at least in front of the gifters?

I need some social guidance because I get way too much anxiety over family greetings. How do people instinctively know whether to give someone a hug or a handshake?

With some relatives, it's obvious. But with others—like cousins I haven't seen in a while—I constantly guess wrong. Sometimes I end up doing that awkward hybrid thing where you do a shoulder-hug/half-hug handshake, or just a handshake but they open their arms to show they prefer a proper hug, and it feels like a clumsy wrestling match.

To make matters worse, how do you handle it when you're greeting a group of cousins where you have different levels of closeness? For example, I ran into two cousins recently standing right next to each other. One is super close to me (definitely a hug), but with the other cousin, we are not as close, though it's not that I barely know them. If I hug the close one first, do I have to hug the other one too, or switch to a handshake right in front of everyone? It feels super awkward and loud trying to decide on the spot between multiple people who gets a full hug, who gets a handshake, or who gets that awkward shoulder-hug/half-hug.

How do you navigate this without making it weird? Any foolproof rules or strategies would be appreciated!

So our couple friends had the husband’s birthday on a Saturday and the following Saturday was my birthday. Both celebrated with a picnic. For his birthday, my husband and I gave him and Amazon gift card. Then when my birthday came, they gave us an Amazon gift card with the same amount. Am I the only one that thinks this is rude?

Edit: rude might be the wrong word here. I think it’s strange and gives off the vibe “we don’t like what you got us so take it back”. I’m shocked by how many people think this is okay to do because I remember growing up, it was never okay to give someone the exact same thing they got you back as a gift

I am so confused- could use some help!

My sister-in-law is kindly hosting my baby shower. Our family is spread out over the state within 2-3 hours, so many people are driving in. About half the guests sent unwrapped gifts directly to my house from my registry and (I assume) the other half are bringing wrapped gifts. We are obviously happy either way and grateful that people have been so generous!

I’m confused about whether or not I’m supposed to open gifts at the shower, considering so many gifts have already been sent. No gifts were open at the last few birthday parties I’ve been to and an increasing number of showers seem to be leaning that way as well. I’m PERFECTLY happy not opening gifts and having a table for them to sit while we mingle and eat, but I know in many circles this isn’t the traditional way.

I understand that showers are to “shower” the mother-to-be with baby gifts so I’m just confused as to what to do. If we opt out of opening gifts because so many came to the house, is that something we need to announce? The party is only a week away and invited have gone out, so it’s too late for my sister-in-law to inform guests to wrap in clear plastic or not wrap at all.

Please help!

I’m already 35 weeks pregnant with a very difficult pregnancy and the last thing I want to do is load my car up with what we already were sent to “show off” the gifts that were sent to our house 🫠

EDIT: We hand wrote thank you’s for the ones that already arrived at our house and will send out the rest the following week after we open them!

I've always thought it better to only serve wine that we had already and keep the gifted wine for another time. That way if the wine is bad (either corked or just bad!) your guests don't see you hating it. Also it means you had enough for the party you invited them to without relying on their generosity.

But I'm open to suggestions? Am I overthinking it?

Or should I serve the wine my guests obviously liked enough to give me a a present?

I am old (54) and in the Deep South and was taught that immediate family members should not host showers. Recently, one of my daughter’s friends asked if I would be interested in cohosting a baby shower for my daughter. I responded that I would be happy to help in any way but I didn’t want to be on the invite as “hosting”. So gradually this friend has been giving me more and more responsibility for the shower and now she wants to have the shower at my neighborhood clubhouse. I absolutely do not mind any of this, but I just feel somewhat embarrassed because it is so counter to what I was always taught. Now I am reading online that it’s no longer considered poor etiquette for an immediate family member to host a shower? Is this true? I’d love to hear everyone’s perspective, but especially those in the Deep South—as I know etiquette rules are slow to change here. Thanks!

ETA…thanks everyone! I’ve read each of your replies and have decided that I can totally accept that the rules have changed and I plan to help out the friend monetarily and will provide the venue and make the cake (which I love to do). But I am not so progressive that I feel comfortable being known as the hostess, so I will do it on the sly. Old habits die hard.

I also wanted to clarify that although I now live in the South, it was my Midwestern family that drilled it into me that it wasn’t proper for immediate family to host showers for other family members. While I agree that the etiquette seems to be changing, it definitely was not ever a specifically Southern rule.

Last edit…I appreciate so much those that read and understood my post and contributed respectfully to help me come up with a solution. To those that were bothered by my post. I am sorry. This is an etiquette board. I came here with a genuine question about a rule of etiquette that I was raised with, as well as many other people. I am, however, open to change and genuinely wanted to hear what is considered acceptable now—because obviously it is different than what I was taught. A few took my question and jumped to some wild conclusions about my relationship with my daughter, my feelings about my future grandchild, and the area where I live. Your response says way more about you than it does me. I am beyond thrilled for my daughter and her husband and can’t wait to meet my granddaughter. I’m sorry your experiences in life have made that so incomprehensible to you.

My husband and I had a small destination wedding, his mom’s (passed a few years ago) brothers and sisters were not able to attend as they are in their 70s and it was a long flight.

They (his 5 aunts and uncle) VERY generously threw us a family celebration when we came back, it was a mix of catered and potluck food, they decorated one of his uncles barn’s with lights and set up a very cute table for us with photos and a cake. They also all gifted a card with some cash in it. It was overall so nice and sweet.

We obviously will send a thank you card but we want to give something more than that - like a gift card or voucher for restaurant, any advice on what’s a good thank you gift and the dollar value?

They are in the US in the Midwest if that helps.

This doesn't come up often, but to be prepared if it does:

Sometimes an amusing thing will occur to me and I'll reflexively smile or make some other small reaction to it. In this case it'll be in reaction to seeing a thing that reminds me of something else. The people around me (in this case) might then ask 'what's funny?', but lack the context.

Telling the story of why it was amusing to me will, probably, take long enough that it'll kill the actual humor stone-dead (as happens with explaining jokes, usually) but I don't want to just say 'nothing' because then it seems like I'm either being rude or randomly laughing at literally nothing.

There's etiquette for so many other things, there's probably something for this- what is it?

Hello all,
I wanted to send note to a new friend I made while traveling. I was thinking of sending them a message to their address and placing a photo of us in the envelope as well. Is there any specific "mail" etiquette to keep track of while doing this?

Also, all suggestions welcome if you have any ideas haha.

Thank you!

I have some friends who regularly invite people over for dinner, and I’m curious whether their approach is normal etiquette or if my expectations are just different.

When they invite us over, the arrival time is basically the exact time dinner is being served. So if they say to come over at 6:00, one walks in at 6:00 and dinner is literally being plated. There really isn’t any time to arrive, get a drink, talk for a bit, etc. You pretty much walk in and sit down to eat. Take too long to hang your coat and remove your shoes? You might miss dinner.

The other thing that feels unusual to me is that the timing is very strict. If someone is even a few minutes late, everyone else will start eating without them. They don't wait. It's butts in seats or starve. My partner was running late due to traffic last time and I was texting them five minutes after 6 that they were keeping a plate warm for them.

When I have people over for dinner, I usually invite them 30–60 minutes before I actually plan to serve. We’ll have some wine or cocktails, put out a few appetizers, and hang out for a while before sitting down for dinner. It also means that if someone is 10 or 15 minutes late, it’s really not a big deal.

What is considered normal etiquette here? If you invite someone to your house for dinner at 6:00, is the expectation that dinner is actually served at 6:00, or would you normally plan some social time before sitting down to eat? Am I freaking people out by waiting to serve dinner and not realizing it?

I brought a dessert that no one touched. The host lamented (in an insincere way) about having so many leftovers (as though we left her with the burden of finding space for the food). As I helped her clean up, she repeated “what am I gonna do with all of this?” So I picked up my dessert and then she was like “oh I’m so sorry I forgot to put it out.” I took it home.

I have been friends with someone for 7 months. We became friends just before I moved away so we've only gotten together twice and we talk on the phone every now and then. We don't know each other very well obviously, but I like her and I want to invest in the potential of the friendship so I am flying from out of state to attend her wedding to celebrate their day. She invited me to the rehearsal dinner and to a friends' gathering the night before, so it is three days of events. I am spending (once I deduct what I would have spent during that time anyway) $750+ to attend the wedding. How much is acceptable as a cash gift?

We have a guest room with a new queen mattress. We're on a bit of a budget since we are now living in a bigger place, have a baby, etc. We spent a lot of money on the mattress and bought a couple of extra pillows. But pillows are kind of pricey. Husband has one pillow and I have two. Then we have two guest pillows. We are now hosting my inlaws and they are complaining about the pillows... They said we should have provided two each. I had no idea and I'm embarrassed. I gave them my extra pillow since they are the guests, but that's still only three pillows on the guest bed. Did I mess up? They have never stayed overnight at our place before. Our last apartment was smaller and we only hosted friends on an air mattress...

I've been on a few dates with a woman whose friend just passed. I'm going to send flowers to the showing and want help with the memorial card. I do not know anyone else who will be there and did not meet this person before her passing. I'm not looking for recognition or anything from the family or the person I'm dating. I just don't know what would be proper.

Thank you

When the waiter takes you to a table that’s right next to one where people are already seated, and you’re sitting on the sitting booth, should you face the people at the table to pass or turn your back to them? Where I live, tables are often very close together, (30cm - 12in) and I’m always unsure about this. Asking specifically: crotch or butt to the neighbours?

My housemates and I watch a lot of movies together. I have one housemate who would shut up. What’s a polite way of asking her to be quiet, and what do I say if she won’t listen?

At a back tie event is it ok for a woman to go and introduce herself to a man, or shall she wait to be introduced?

This is more for the UK, and there used to be rules where don’t speak unless you’re spoken to so I’m thinking if making intros by yourself is a no no? And please explain how intros should happen.

I wanted to study by myself and went to a cafe. They had multiple isolated booths along the back wall, some for small groups and some for large. All were taken up except for one large group table. It wasn’t busy so I decided to take it. Then 20 min later, a big group comes by and asks if I’m sitting alone. I say yes and they asked if they could have my table. I didn’t really mind because there were other tables but not the isolated booths I wanted. I get up and they say sorry - so they knew what they were doing was kind of rude. But if I also had a large group, it is kind of inconvenient. Idk I felt kind of weird about the situation. Is this rude or not? Don’t ever want to go to public places to study alone anymore.

What is the etiquette for bedroom door when one is not in their room?

I don’t care about my bedroom door when I am alone, but when I have house guests such as my family or my partner’s or when I am staying at someone’s house, I keep the door to the bedroom closed at all times.

I have noticed, however, that others always keep their doors open when the room is not in use and sometimes even when it’s in use during the day time.

It brought me to think that maybe what I am doing is coming across as ill mannered or hostile.

What is the general consensus on etiquette around that?
What should I be doing as a host? And what should I be doing as a house guest?

Thank you!

Tldr first time attending a charity gala, no idea what I'm doing.

Hi y'all!

I haven't attended a true formal event since I was in JROTC in highschool, and I attended our military ball...

I was told it would be cocktail attire. I don't have any suitable dresses, but I do have a black velvet jumpsuit that I believe works. I'm going to have to figure out my shoes, but I'm hoping I have appropriate heels.

The company that I work for is a sponsor for this event, which is the only reason I'm going, I was asked to attend along with a few of my co-workers.

Any general etiquette advice would be appreciated, I'll also scroll through the subreddit for info.

For some reason, people always call me by my first and last name never just my first name. My name isn't unique but it is not overly common either. Think similar to the name Laura Bennett or June Cleaver. I had noticed this going on for a while now but recently my daughter said the same thing was happening to her at school (she had no idea that people do the same to me too). Her name is very average as well. Is it less about the name and more about the character of a person? I guess I'm just trying to figure out why some people refer to others with their full name. Hopefully it's not a bad thing.