r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Anagnikos • 3h ago
dnDONE Steve GURPS Jackson, how could you do this to ME?!
Why not GURPS, the supreme system?!
The last bastion has fallen!
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Anagnikos • 3h ago
Why not GURPS, the supreme system?!
The last bastion has fallen!
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/CornucopiaPacciana • 33m ago
After all the time spent writing comments on reddit about martial characters' viability wotc finally listened🥹.
They will not buff them for the game sake.
I was really anxious about this, but thanks God, they only helped our poor glass build casters.
Circle casting, strong spells, and feats really helped to close the class gap.
Now, those optimizers idiots will not help themselves😆!
I'm still mad that they will change also some non-caster with the new wow books expansion, I really hope this doesn't create some precedent😡.
Maybe we'll also get some new Errata to nerf those Broken Rogues, but for now, I'm happy.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Hot_Inflation9670 • 21h ago
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/CertifiablyMundane • 4h ago
Hello I’m a new dm and about to do my first ever campaign where I am the dm. I have this neat story in mind a classic destined to be heroes and to defeat the bbeg. I have planned that during the fight I would secretly poison their mountain dew while their fighting the bbeg and even if they defeat the bbeg they would still die due to the poison. I thought this would be a neat idea that despite dying they wouldn’t necessarily be sad since "they went down fighting" and “they will be back in another life” but I’m not sure if this is cruel to do since they have said they prefer dr pepper but i refuse to stock my fridge with any drink that isn't green
I have a bomb under the table as a backup in case and just wanted another opinion
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/WeLiveInTheSameHouse • 1h ago
My group of players are all huge fans of 5e and Baldur's Gate 3 and Critical Role. They particularly love the complicated character creation rules and the high number of classes and subclasses. They're all giant fans of tactical combat. They all hate solving problems creatively and dungeon crawls, and also hate when their characters die. Their favorite characters are tieflings and warlocks.
Anyway I thought it would be great to force them all to play Old-School Essentials with no house rules but they hate it. I tried explaining that they won't have high lethality if they play cleverly and avoid fights but they all said stuff like, "We get it but playing this way sucks" and "Please let me out of your basement."
Anyway can you fine folks please explain how to get them to see the divine light and start wanting to play OSR games? I have decided that I desperately want to run it for this group for some reason. I will not be listening to any suggestions to play other games, thank you.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/theseekingtrench • 7h ago
So i home-brewed this creature that would our party, and sometimes lead them into plot important areas, but this thing's main purpose is to show how fucking sick my setting is.
When they are fighting a band of Goblins, he comes in and copies their powers and spells and casts them at the enemy.
I gave him like a 16, 18, 18, 13, 15, 19 Stat block so the players wouldn't complain, but they've been complaining non-stop about "pLaYer AGeNcY" or "It'S sUpOsSeD tO bE A gAme FoR aLl oF uS"
Anyone want to use it for their campaign so we can develop it into a really bad ass npc type?
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/BrendanTheNord • 17h ago
I don't understand.
We're here to roleplay the small town fantasy life of having muscly orc men cuck us with our catfolk girlfriends: why would you make a story that is not conducive to cuckoldry?
Do these DMs just not want to cuck me at all and invite me because they want to be cucked?
The obvious plot hooks are a distraction from my quiet stardew valley simulator and are quite annoying.
"The town guard wants your help fighting off these goblins"
That's literally their job, I'm just trying to roleplay a glass blower. It's not my fault that your plot wants me to not play the character I made.
"Someone needs to rescue the damsel from the dragon!"
That's ridiculously dangerous! My character would never, and the DM is doing no work to give me a good reason to go.
"A super powerful artifact is in the hands of an evil army"
Ok, well the king should send a letter to Kylor the Mad who literally lives 2 villages over to destroy the enemy and bring back the macguffin.
The DM should 100% be making up better reasons for why us 5-6 weirdos would go on any adventure, and better yet he should just have the orcs raid and actually engage when I tie myself to the chair. Doesn't he want to cuck me?
It's what my selfish, cowardly, lazy character would do!
I really don't get it.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/dankrob • 15h ago
Hi all,
Im currently playing a game where I am required to perform. I am looking for certain things that will help do something? If there is anything specific that will help me perform the things the required actions that are necessary, that would be appreciated.
EDIT: People keep asking me for more information, its quite obvious:
I am playing the game as a 13th level.
I will be using weapons, or spells.
I am also going to be riding an incredibly troubling mount. I will be ignoring all rules in order to sate this desire.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/PervertBlood • 1d ago
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/BisexualTeleriGirl • 6m ago
Duris split from Sojourn in 1995 and has been about one thing ever since: a permanent war between the good and evil races, with full player killing almost anywhere in the world.
On Wednesday 28 October at 06:00 UTC (09:00 GMT+3, 2 am US Eastern) we wipe everything. Every player, veteran or new, starts from level 1. No gear, no levels, no guilds. The first kills, first artifacts and first racewar wins of the new era are up for grabs.
What it is: a dark-fantasy Diku with a two-sided racewar, full PvP, a huge world of zones and quests, ships you can sail and sink, crafting, guilds and guildhalls, and artifacts that have to be fed on the blood of enemy players or they vanish.
The world is enormous. There are 300+ hand-built zones, from newbie areas and cities up to giant-sized dungeons. They sit on a full overland map of continents, plus a sprawling Underdark beneath it. You can spend weeks just exploring. PvE is one of the biggest aspects of the game.
Sailing is its own game. You can buy a ship, from a one-person sloop up to a 25-player dreadnought. Run cargo between ports to build personal or guild wealth, with contraband if you like the risk, and fit cannons for ship-to-ship combat. NPC pirates and hunters roam the seas, so even a quiet night on the water isn't safe. It's one of the best parts of the game, and most other MUDs have nothing like it.
Quests are everywhere. Over a thousand NPCs give quests, from small fetch jobs like a cook who wants rare ingredients for a recipe for the king, to long chains that reward real gear. Most zones have something hidden if you talk to people.
Add crafting, mining and guilds on top of that.
What's new: a rebuilt C++20 engine with TLS, GMCP and MCCP, browser play, and the whole codebase open source on GitHub.
How to play:
Any MUD client: mud.duris.sbs port 7777
Veterans, round up your old guild. New players, this is the one moment nobody has a head start.
Happy to answer anything in the comments.
/Uj don't click any links, I made them up
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Ubermanthehutt • 18h ago
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r/DnDcirclejerk • u/detrickster • 19h ago
I've never played a game with this mechanic in real life, but I've taken a shit in real life, and it was satisfying. My mother's boyfriend's son wants to include it in his game. Has anyone ever included this mechanic or have any thoughts on how you would do this in the game?
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Soft_Trip7213 • 1d ago
Announcement never mentioned anything about polar bears in this dnd game, and I joined the game, joiningthegamingly.
"Too bad you didn't specify it beforehand in chat", said to me DM during session 0, polarbearingly.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/simpoukogliftra • 20h ago
here is something which has been bugging me fora a while, this is for the 2098 DND edition Peepeepoopoo version, as other systems i prefer (like F.A.T.A.L.) dont have this problem
Lets say you have a thief, but not a regular thief, a thief of panties, and you want to hide behind a chair in the house because you stole your sister's panties (or behind a medium creature, like the family dog) which could be called something like a "concealer location"
is the pervert allowed to hide?
the result would get the invisible condition (which is the condition i get when i hide, i have read every book ever at least 25 times) which means that the sister and the mother dont know my location (behind the dog, sniffing the panties) and i can run in broad daylight without being seen, which feels non-sensical, since i smell of piss and shid from the panties i have been sniffing.
it also means it is trivially easy for the panty thief (me) to get my sneak attack every round, which takes teh skill out of the game, because it is too easy for me to attack them now with my glock from hiding behind the dog, and it feels like im a one trick pony, instead of a tactical panty mugger (my friend)
Lastly, the idea that any enemy eyeball (the police) will keep you from hiding, a deaf and mute policeman 100 meters away strapped to a pole unable to signal anyone still blocks me from hiding, how do you rule that? how is that fair??
how do you rule stealing panties in your game? are panty thieves like me extremely Op because they can hide and attack using our extremely strong sneak attack every turn and not have to hide better while obscuring our stolen underwear and feel like tactical fighters?
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Conrad500 • 1d ago
I'm sick and tired of the discrepancy between martials and casters.
I have my own tower, diamonds, gold, fucking servants to attest to my every whim, I could make a woman happy forEVER BECAUSE OF IMMORTALITY! But NO
All the fighters and barbs can get laid and get married, and I'm over here on the other side of the marital divide.
I point out to women that I COULD have specialized in enchantment magic, COULD HAVE MIND YOU, and DIDN'T! but they just look at me like i'm some kind of creep!
I SAID I DON'T SPECIALIZE IN ENCHANTMENT MAGIC! WHAT DON'T YOU GET?!
Then they say they want to see my spellbook or they're calling the cops like as if those guys could do anything to me BUT APPARENTLY SHE'LL JUST LET THEM FUCK HER BUT WHATEVER.
How do I cope with this divide? It's like we're not even meant to play the game.
I'm really hoping you guys can help so I don't have to head over to r/inspell
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/charlessprungus • 1d ago
For starters we all know that most martials (rangers, paladins, r*gues, monks) do not fit with the initial design goals of Dungeons and Dragons (otherwise they would be in the white box) so we can just go ahead and axe those (which will fix the tone of you setting). From here we should really acknowledge that most fighter (or fighting-man as they should be called) subclasses get way too much magic, which will again ruin the tone of your setting and stray from the sacred pursuits of beer and pretzels. As we know that limiting character choice is the best form of worldbuilding we will be cutting all of them and replacing them with the following subclass, which has passed all of the most rigorous wotc design testing standards.
Tough guy
As an action (a full one mind you) you may gain 1d6 temp hp. This may be used a number of times equal to half your proficiency bonus (rounded down) per long rest.
Maneuver
As an action you may ask you DM to do something cool on your next turn. The DM can (and should) prevent you from doing anything that would lead to you dealing any more damage than you would with a regular attack or moving any further than your movement speed would allow, but you can describe it in a cool way (as long as its not some anime bullshit) if the DM decides it would be too cool you waste your action.
Fast guy
At 7th level you can teleport up to 30ft as a bonus action. You can use this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest. This is NOT MAGICAL and is entirely derived from your fighting-man's masculine power.
Epic crit
At 10th level your crits are epic, when you get a critical hit roll 1d4 and consult the table:
1: nothing additional happens
2: your opponent gets -1 AC until the end of your turn
3: if there is another creature adjacent to your opponent you deal 1d4 cleave damage to them
4: you roll a 3rd damage die
Fortress
At 15th level you build a fortress and get a bunch of henchmen, which will be very fun to manage in combat. As intended the logistics of this system are up to the DM, but they must give you this arbitrarily upon reaching this level, and must adjudicate a system for it that is separate from the bastion system. If you have enough henchmen you may also force your DM to create a mass combat system from the ground up to suit your new needs as a member of the local nobility (which you also must become no matter how much it alters the narrative). Any troops you have arbitrarily refuse to go into dungeons (where your adventures should be).
Special technique
At 18th level you gain an additional fighting style feat. This should be pretty nuts because now you can swap between archery and one of the worse ones whenever you want.
This should wrap up any questions you whiny babies have about how "martials" (fighting-MEN) used to get it done without any "half-caster" or "superiority dice" lily-livered hogwash.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Conrad500 • 1d ago
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Dark_Lordy • 1d ago
The rules of DnD say that everyone should roll dice for any action, from hard to very easy. If anything is unclear then the dice should roll, as per the rules.
If you don't make them roll the dice, then you don't respect their choice to make a character with high constitution. Why take it if you don't die from a heart disease automatically?
You also should make your players to regularly take medicine to prevent any health issues. Anyone who has a heart should think of what medicine to take and where to find it. If the player is an idiot, they will die from a heart stop.
Simultaneously, the GM should roll for any event that has a chance of happening. For example, when they walk around the city, they can fall a religion check and trigger a biblical apocalypse. Just for example. Or the false vacuum collapse happens. The players should be stupid less and listen to what the GM says more.
If we exclude checks for anything that happens less than with 1% then half of the skills will lose their meaning. In reality, the possibility of new t triggering apocalypse by praying is 99.9% when you pray in a church. But in the game the roll is needed because the roll itself creates dramatic tension. Roll for triggering apocalypse by praying wrong is not a mathematical probability, it's a theatrical gesture so the players feel that even the smallest things can go wrong.
As a GM you decide probability of the roll with the die no larger than D100. The die decides everything and the GM can roll any die, make any situation, give any consequences. Because the one and only rule of DnD is "DM is always right". If the moron players went to the church if everyone's backstory doesn't mention praying to the god of this church and they don't have high religion skill, you should make the difficulty of praying right 15-20. In this situation, the moron players trigger the apocalypse and die.
Everything in the real life a billion tiby events might happen every second so rare events accumulate. In D&D, in a 4 hour session, the die is rolled 30-40 times. This selection isn't representative.
Situation with the chance of 50% can not happen for years if you roll the dice once a month.
Situation with the chance of 1/10⁶⁸, like false vacuum collapse, can happen on the first game because it's a single roll.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/AureliasTenant • 1d ago
I know this might sound weird to some of you, but in my YNY group, we don't really use range, other than "unlimited" of course. My groups has a lot more focus on the high brow stuff like dramatics and storytelling of YNY instead of the traditional dungeon crawling, so we value the tedious twerking a lot less. It's just so annoying to side quest for like 100 gold pieces and your grandmother's rave outfit.
I was just wondering, does anyone else do this? The only range my group uses is unlimited and you are only unable to target something/someone if it is in Orcus's digestive tract or something. I'm just curious if this is a common thing.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/highly-bad • 1d ago
Pictured: the ideal martial player in the middle of taking a turn once the book of our dreams is finally released. Just give him sixty or seventy more minutes; he finally has a satisfactory number of options to ponder, and watching him enjoy that is gonna be so much fun.
My uncle has confirmed that the book is definitely coming out, hopefully before 2030. So we can all rest easy, no one really needs to keep posting about it now. In fact he told me that if people keep being annoying about it, maybe they won't publish after all. So let's all chill out, and before we know it we will have all the OP subclasses, lengthy feat trees, huge AOE weapon attacks, flashy fencing maneuvers, highly specific anime moves, and gruesome dismemberment we want.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/AVG_Poop_Enjoyer • 1d ago
I joined a game and it was neutral
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/myawwn • 1d ago
Level 3: Force Warp
When you choose this subclass at 3rd level, you gain the ability to channel and wield the Force, allowing you to spend 2 Ki Points as a Bonus Action to teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see.
Level 6: Forceful Strikes
You have gained further understanding with the Force. At 6th level, you can now use your Reaction to add 1d4 Force Damage to any of your unarmed strikes or attacks made with monk weapons. No, this feature does not scale.
"Cool quote about the force."
- Minor Character from the Prequel Trilogy
Level 11: Improved Force Warp
At 11th level, you have become attuned enough to the force that you can now call forth your abilities with the discipline of a true Jedi. Force Warp now only requires 1 Ki Point to use.
Level 17: Lightsaber Combat Training
By 17th level, your training with various forms of lightsaber combat has become nearly instinctual. Choose a fighting style from the Lightsaber Combat Forms table on page 120. This feature is honestly really well designed and the whole reason you chose this subclass, but your campaign will fizzle about before you ever get to use it.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/Carrente • 1d ago
To sum up the problem: because i am an absolute genius one of the friendly NPCs in the campaign's "hub" village is actually, get this, EVIL. Her goal is to control the town from the shadows using her bird familiars while manipulating the players into killing her sisters for a specific ritual. However, the players grew suspicious of her very early on, partly because they know are capable of recognising basic plot hooks and patterns in fiction. They are now following the story but are highly suspicious of her, especially since I have shown her acting suspiciously and doing bad things, and for some reason they are reacting to this. I’m looking for ways to allay their suspicions while still having her manipulate them from the shadows, because it is spoiling my epic story moment when she reveals she is evil if they are capable of intuiting from paying attention to the game the story which I have apparently foreshadowed effectively.
r/DnDcirclejerk • u/hedgehog1024 • 1d ago
I joined a dnd game and it was good