I've been transitioning for a decade now, on and off T a lot (back on as of a month ago) but always presenting as male regardless. I've briefly experimented with detransitioning in the past but that was mostly just online, I never did much irl besides some makeup and longer hair (while still presenting as male)

But I've noticed recently that any time I see a woman I think is pretty, I get so envious. And I know its envy and not attraction. I want her hair, or her hips, or her breasts, or her cheekbones, sometimes just all of it together if I think she's really beautiful. I want to be her and look like her, not be with her.

I don't really know where this leaves me. Right now I want to be a beautiful woman so bad. I want my long hair back and my breasts back. I want to be a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. But most days I really like my facial hair, my muscles, my more masc physique, and I still want an even deeper voice (despite it always being read as male now). But then there are those days where I wonder if I regret top surgery, if I'd love to be seen as a woman again.

I'm just not sure what to do or where to go from here. This question has been rattling around in my head for 3 years now

I started electrolysis for facial hair in March 2026 and I have a very important advice for women here. NEVER PLUCK YOUR FACIAL HAIR AFTER STARTING ELECTROLYSIS (I don't know about laser, I can speak only about electrolysis). It makes the whole process entirely useless, hair regrow, it can activate hair follicles in places on your face it didn't grow before. I swear I didn't know I couldn't do this until my electrologist asked me if I plucked my hair. I said yes and she said "well now I understand why we don't have any progress so far". And she was fucking right, once I stopped plucking hair between sessions progress has been very rapid. Now I have like only 4-5 hair left to get rid of and I'm DONE. I'M FINALLY DONE. I'm finally about to forget about fucking facial hair, I can't express how much I hate this shit and how much even ONE hair on my chin or in stache area makes my mood a disaster.

why did I pluck hair at all? Impatience. Or finances. When I couldn't afford next session, I just plucked all hair that grew out. But my electrologist said I should've cut them short instead, if I couldn't visit her. However, now I don't miss any session, I’m holding out and waiting for the session without touching these hair.

If I hadn’t been plucking my hair, I would have finished the process back in early summer. But I plucked them between sessions all spring and summer, so I assume I’ll only finish in November or December. Don't make my mistakes girls 😭

(btw, shaving is as harmful for electrolysis process as plucking, it strengthens the follicles and prevents them from being destroyed by electrical impulses)

detransitioning after 10 years mtftm- am i cooked?

I'm 25, mtftm, 10 years on Estrogen + testosterone blockers. I came out as mtf at 14, began medically transitioning right after turning 15. I lived and passed as a girl beautifully for 10 years. whenever i told someone, even queer and other ts people, they were shocked. many men i told who approached me didn't believe me. but despite that, i always felt like a boy playing dress up in the back of my mind. i wanted to detransition in the later years but i felt like i was in too deep.
i'm bisexual but i had only ever dated men, and i was treated so horribly. fetishized, hidden, never committed to. i never had any surgeries, and i still enjoyed using my "piece".
about 6-ish months or so, i had realized that i was in love with one my close cis girl friends and we had straight, penetrative sex. i had been with many men but had never been with a girl in that way. she made me feel like a man, and i loved it. it completely shattered the way i viewed myself and my entire life.
i had already had thoughts about wishing i had never transitioned, but this sent me to the extremes. i began mourning the years i missed out on being a boy. i began hating wearing makeup and dressing feminine. i missed being my sisters little brother. i missed being my moms son. i hated that this girl i was falling in love with still treated me like a trans girl. it made me feel ridiculous and ashamed, because i realized i subconsciously felt like a man.
when i initially transitioned at 15, i really did feel like a girl, but i haven't felt that way in a long time. now, im just getting off hormones. i gave my whole wardrobe of girl clothes away and got new stuff. a lot of my guy friends gave me clothes, ive let everyone in my life know that im detransitioning and they're all treating me weird now. atp, whenever i see a cis man i get jealous. like that could've been me.
i'm not sure if i ruined my whole life. i've been really depressed and borderline s**cidal bc of all this. i was in tanner stage 4 of male puberty and my "piece" is only 4 inches hard. i have an a-b cup. i'm 5'5. my voice is high. i keep wondering if it's too late in life for me to detransition. will i ever be able to ejaculate normally again? will i ever grow facial hair? how am i gonna live as a guy with boobs? will my endocrine system/testes wake back up? will i can get be able to live a normal life as a guy, or did i blow it?
i still support trans people even tho i realized i wasn't one, but i wish i could go back in time and stop myself. someone tell me i didnt completely ruin my life and there's still hope, i cant take it

Does anyone have a way to stop the thoughts. Im 19m and have had thoughts of wanting to be a girl since i was a kid but recently (last couple months) its just been getting worse and worse. Im happy being a guy and im maybe very very slightly more feminine than other guys but its like 80-20. so i really dont know why im having them. Im just like any other lad my age. Just feels like ill throw a very good life for something thats very unknown and comes with risks. Everything about being trans seems so difficult and im scared ill eventually start it and then regret it.

The only reason i havent started hrt is because something in me just says i cant be trans theres no way and everything about being trans is so difficult. I also have had bad experiences with lgbtq from being around my brother and his mates who are lgbtq so i dont wanna be associated with that.

Really need help, im just so lost with this and its really affecting me lately.

stopping t has made my acne flair up tremendously oh my word. Struggling lately with top surgery regret and get this feeling of impending doom and anxiety in my heart multiple times a day. Just trying to take it day by day, catch up on college classes, and breathe.

Any advice on talking to loved ones? I have family members I want to reach out to but it feels like a burden to be like nvm I’m not trans. Idek.

I’ve already been researching breast reconstruction (don’t worry I’m not gonna jump into that lmao, I got mastectomy in March of this year). Expecting that a surgery will fix my self-concept is a lesson I’ve already learned, and I know it won’t fix the root of the issue.

I started searching for a therapist who WILL NOT encourage me to continue on hormones just because I’m distressed (at the result of the hormones and surgery).

People look at me so confused, even my boyfriend who’s trans. One of the first things he said to me when I told him I regret top surgery is that “it just sucks because people use this as a reason to say ‘see, they regret surgery so it shouldn’t be offered.’” my values and opinions on transition have changed so now I am wanting to break up with him. I love him but I also don’t see a future with him and I don’t think he understands how much pain I am in, despite me expressing my regret almost daily.
We live together which makes things ten times worse so any advice on how to break up with someone who moved in three months ago would be much appreciated, I feel horrible but I can’t keep pretending things haven’t changed.

I was on T for 2 years, and during this time my temples became sparse (which was to be expected). But not only that, my hair strands also became thinner, my hair texture changed (normally it’s curly but it became wavy), and I experienced slightly wider hair part lines/scalp exposure. My hair color also appeared lighter, from a super dark brown (almost black) to a lighter brownish color.

I brushed all of this off as “Well, my temples are just receded because I have a masculine hairline now. And the hair texture and color change? Probably just hormones… I’ve heard that people’s hair texture can change after big hormonal shifts.”

I have been off T for 3 years now, and none of these hair changes have resolved themself much at all. And my hormone levels are normal! The only thing that has “fixed itself” is that I have a lot more wispy downy fine baby hairs that grew in along my hairline. But other than that, the hair shedding, the extra scalp exposure, super sparse temples, and hair texture and color change was still there.

I thought to myself “why isn’t this going away? I’ve been on my natural estrogen for 3 years. Maybe this is how my scalp/hair will be permanently.”

Then, randomly, in the last 3 months, it randomly started getting WORSE. My temples started receding back even more and I experienced even MORE constant shedding. I decided enough was enough and ordered a scalp biopsy test so that I could get an official diagnosis (if there was one). I was prepared for the results to possibly come back as “inconclusive”, but I figured that getting my follicles examined on a microscopic level was my best bet to figuring out what’s going on.

My diagnosis results? Androgenic alopecia.

I came into the dermatologist office to discuss my diagnosis with her, and plan the treatment. She told me that this is a genetic condition and that my hair follicles are genetically programmed to be sensitive and shrink in exposure to even NORMAL DHT levels. I asked her if I should order a lab to get my DHT levels checked. She told me it’s not really necessary in her opinion because with androgenic alopecia, even if the DHT is normal or even low, the follicles are still sensitive to it and shrink in response to it. She said it’s more about the sensitivity level to the DHT, not necessarily how high the DHT is.

I admitted to her about my past of being on testosterone for 2 years when I thought it was trans and asked her if this could’ve contributed to this. She said “actually yes. You probably would’ve gotten androgenic alopecia/female pattern hair loss down the line anyway, but you taking testosterone probably triggered it to happen much sooner. Like a couple or few decades sooner than it would’ve happened normally. Unfortunately, once it gets triggered/activated, it doesn’t go away, and tends to be a lifelong condition, but you are young and you caught this relatively early, and your hairloss is relatively mild, so I’m optimistic about you experiencing some regrowth with treatment.”

I asked her “Why don’t all detransitioned women get androgenic alopecia? You’re saying that you have to have a genetic susceptibility to it in the first place?”

She said “Yes, you have to have genetics that make your hair follicles sensitive to DHT. The detrans women that experience full regrowth probably aren’t genetically sensitive to DHT.”

And she proceeded to try to console me by telling me not to feel too bad about the testosterone/transitioning thing, she said various things can “trigger” androgenic alopecia in a genetically susceptible person, not just transitioning. She said PCOS can trigger it, random hormonal shifts can trigger it, taking steroids can trigger it, or even certain birth controls can trigger it, or just natural aging.

She prescribed me with oral minoxidil (to stimulate growth) and oral spironolactone (to supress DHT levels). She told me if oral spironolactone doesn’t work for any bizarre reason, she will possibly look into finasteride for me but she said she doesn’t like prescribing that to women. And she said she thinks the spironolactone will work anyway.

She told me (paraphrased, not the exact wording): “Expect to not see any results at all until about 6-12 months. Just keep taking the pills everyday, even if you see no progress, it’s important you keep taking it everyday and don’t skip days or randomly stop. You’ll revert the progress if you stop. You’ll have to take these pills for life. Unless of course, you just don’t want the treatment anymore. In your case, considering your hormones are normal and you don’t have PCOS, this isn’t something you HAVE to treat. It’s not like, a dangerous condition that negative impacts your genuine health functioning, it’s mainly just a cosmetic condition. If you grow up and get older and don’t want to do it anymore and want to rock hair pieces or hair toppers or wigs, or just wear your hair naturally however it is, you have the right to do that. It’s not MANDATORY to take these pills everyday the rest of your life. As long as you’re aware that the hair loss will progress and won’t improve without treatment and you’re informed of that, you can take whatever path you want to”.

Soooo… yeah, long story short (and sorry that this was so long), I see a lot of detransitioned women online say that once they stopped T, their hairloss reverted. Which is great! But if yours DIDN’T revert, OR randomly starts getting worse like mine, look into getting a diagnosis because if you have genetics that prime you to be sensitive to DHT, it’s possible that testosterone could’ve triggered this genetic condition to happen earlier than it would have, if not for the testosterone exposure.

This is not supposed to be any sort of fear-mongering, this is supposed to be helpful and advice that I wish I’d gotten. So many friends and family of mine said “you can barely even see any hair loss, you don’t need a scalp biopsy!! Plenty of women have sparse temples.” So I almost didn’t even go get a biopsy bc so many people kept telling me that I didn’t look like I needed it because my hair loss wasn’t “severe enough”. But I’m glad I got the biopsy because androgenic alopecia is a lifelong, progressive condition (which means it continues to only get worse and worse without treatment), so if I would’ve listened to everyone and not got the biopsy, I’d still have no clue that I have this genetic condition right now.

So if you’ve been off of testosterone for years, and your hair loss and scalp exposure is showing no signs of improvement and in fact, is seemingly getting worse, I suggest going to examine your hair follicles for a diagnosis. It may not be androgenic alopecia, it could be anything, telogen effluvium, alopecia areata, nutrient issues, thyroid issues, low iron, but after ruling out nutrient and thyroid, if it’s STILL going on, then yeah I definitely recommend getting an examination or biopsy.

I just wanted to share my story incase anyone is going through anything similar or is struggling with hair loss or suspects it’s possible that their testosterone usage could’ve triggered androgenic alopecia.

TDLR:

I was on T for 2 years, off for 3 and during the past 3 years my hair loss, increased scalp exposure, and hair strand thinness did not go away, if anything it seemed to slowly be getting worse.

I got a scalp biopsy and was diagnosed with androgenic alopecia, a GENETIC, lifelong condition that my doctor said was likely triggered to start DECADES earlier than it naturally would’ve, due to my testosterone usage. I am 23. She said it probably would’ve happened when I was middle aged/menopausal, but the testosterone usage likely upstarted/triggered it to begin MUCH sooner.

So if you are a detrans woman and have been off T for a long time and your hair loss is not improving at all, or getting worse, I highly suggest first checking your nutrient levels (most importantly vitamin D, biotin, Iron, and Zinc), and your thyroid functioning. If those come back clear and nutrients and thyroid isn’t the issue, then I suggest getting an examination or even a biopsy like I did to examine your hair follicles closely, to get an official diagnosis.

There are many hair loss conditions, there’s also alopecia areata, frontal fibrosing alopecia, lichen planopilaris, CCCA, temporary telogen effluvium, traction alopecia, triangular temporal alopecia, and more. It’s best not to blindly guess what it could be, it’s best to intervene early and get your hair follicles looked at and start treatment asap.

P.S: Sorry if there are any typos! I’ll fix them later. I wrote this real quick before my work shift because this has been weighing on me eversince I recently got diagnosed a week ago, and I felt the need to share my experience.

I went to a dan and phil event in my state and I met this very lovely woman who was around my age who was so nice to me, but she kept referring to me as they throughout the night even tho I was wearing a skirt and makeup and I basically have a bob at this point 😭 it’s so weird, I think like two people called me they because they couldn’t tell that I was a woman even tho I’m pretty feminine at this point and I never went on T, all I did was bind and cut my hair short and I haven’t binded in almost a year tbh lol

I’ve been questioning a lot of shit lately and honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

i’m 21. when i was 16, i think i wanted a feminine body, but looking back, i don’t know how to interpret those feelings. i don’t know if it was dysphoria, a fetish, or if i just hated myself and wanted to be something else. i keep going back and forth trying to figure out what i actually wanted back then.

part of me thinks i’d be happier if i’d started transitioning younger. i grieve the person i feel like i could’ve been and the years i feel like i’ve lost. but another part of me wonders if i was trying to escape being an undesirable male in the first place.

i’m 5’7, a virgin, and i never really had a girlfriend either. i’ve spent a lot of time feeling like i’ll never be desirable or experience the things other people seem to take for granted. i’ve been smoking weed to cope with reality, but it doesn’t change anything. when i’m sober, i’m right back to thinking about my body, my future, and whether i’ve misunderstood myself this whole time.

i can’t tell if i genuinely wanted to be female or if i was unhappy with being male and saw transition as a way out. maybe those feelings overlapped. i honestly don’t know anymore.

i’m not asking anyone to tell me i’m definitely trans or definitely not. i’d like to hear from people who have actually questioned their transition or detransitioned. did you ever look back at your original reasons for transitioning and realize they were different from what you thought? how did you figure out whether you genuinely wanted to transition or were trying to escape something else?

I am so lonely. I have a lot of trans friends and I appreciate them because they still understand my life experience more than others, but I don’t know any masculine female people who are not currently in the process of some sort of transition. All I want is something like Michfest or Lilith Fair where I can go to escape and be amongst other women who don’t conform. And unfortunately I think that any space for detrans women would be infiltrated by right wing agitators who are not detrans. I just want one person in the world who understand.

The amount of people who have responded to me saying,

“I don’t think I am a man and transitioning may have been an act of self harm and I may be more attracted to women than I thought and I wish I had my breasts and I feel frankensteinish and ugly”

with something along the lines of:

“Well you might be nonbinary … some butch lesbians get top surgery and take T”

is pissing me off so bad. Next person who does this is gonna catch these hands.

I don’t care what some butch lesbians do. I am talking about MY relationship with MY body. I don’t care that it might suddenly become parsable “within lesbian identity” if I re-identify (accept) myself as a woman, I want my body to be how I want it to be.

Plus, me transitioning to relieve gender dysphoria without knowing I was autistic, without knowing the depths of my religious trauma from having a JW parent - it was self harm, not “becoming myself”.

The biggest problem with the trans supportive crowd is that they seem incapable of seeing how someone might transition out of trauma. At least your average transphobe has some concept of this!

Even if they have broadly been accepting and understanding of my decision to transition, my old (pro trans) friend group keeps trying to word things in terms of “gender identity” in a way that has been so harmful for me to fixate on and I want nothing to do with. Going to distance myself.

I’ve always had terrible acne, a fun combination of cystic, hormonal, whiteheads, blackheads, large clogged pores, and extreme oil production. When I went through puberty the first time it was horrible like it is now, then I went on accutane and it cleared. When I started testosterone it got worse again, then leveled out. I’ve been of testosterone for 3ish weeks now and it’s getting unbearable. I’m hoping that when my hormones level out it will get better, fingers crossed. Has anyone else experienced this? What did your timeline look like?

Side note, a worker in one of my schools dining halls/cafes referred to me as she and her and it has got me thinking. Did I ever really pass, or were people just being polite? I haven’t been gendered as female in years, but apparently only 3ish weeks off testosterone is enough to make a difference. I live in a super mega liberal area so maybe she assumed I was trans MTF? I don’t even know. But it didn’t make me uncomfortable like I thought it would. I feel like I’m in a weird limbo state right now, where I definitely don’t pass as a woman but not manly enough to immediately pass as male either. I think most people assume I’m a gay femboy or MTF. I was always a tomboy growing up so I never had a strong connection to femininity, and I’ve tried my best to ignore it for the most part, but now it’s unavoidable. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel like a girl again. I don’t really know how to be a woman either. I also literally JUST had an ‘intake’ appointment with a therapist, so I’ll have plenty to discuss lol.

I didn’t really have much trouble dating before HRT or while on it. So it’s been an odd change to be in the situation I’m in.

I stopped HRT back in May after having been on it off and on for over 10 years. Chopped my hair off and have made an effort to remasculinize my voice. Afaik the voice hasn’t been an issue but I do have people, specifically women, asking me what my pronouns are when I express interest in them and it’s left me feeling kind of defeated.

I don’t necessarily want to be the most masculine guy ever but I can’t imagine I’ll have a lot of luck dating now if people can’t tell what I am. It’s bizarre to me because I’m 5’11 and fairly muscular. I got mistaken for a woman when I was younger and didn’t think much of it because it was feeding into my delusions but now I’m just wondering if I’ll forever be androgynous. 😭

I guess curious what y’all’s experience has been and if any of the women in here think much about something like that.

I just ate at a local restaurant and had my usual meal, but I heard them talking about me. I think one of the employees, when she saw my picture, was gasped, thought the other was lying at first, and then thought "she [i.e., me] was so pretty before" and so she asked if the other employee was okay with that. But the other corrected her and said it was a "transv\*stite." Don't know exactly what they said. But I felt really disgusting after that. I heard the more negative voice say "yuck" a bit later. I had been friendly with them before, but not anymore. I guess they hadn't known. It feels like when you transition you burn a bunch of your bridges one way. Then you burn your bridges the other way. I started crying on my way home.

I feel like I deserve to feel disgusting, though, because what I was doing was ultimately immoral. I was lying about my sex and in doing so I was also basically making a mockery of the female sex and spreading a harmful ideology. After I cut my hair short and after I started concealing rather than emphasizing my breasts I looked like an unremarkable guy once again. The estrogen had basically zero effect on my actual body other than a slightly younger looking face and boobs. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, it's just some fucking dude. But that was me the whole time. I was just indulging in a delusion of mine in which I had no right to indulge.

And I realize it's probably a lot harder for a lot of detransitioners, especially female detransitioners. Most don't have the privilege of just getting a haircut and changing clothes and that's it. I was basically playing a stupid dress up game the whole time I was on HRT and there was never anything more to it. Just, I feel like I'm back at square 1 and feel almost just as bad as I did before transitioning. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Introduction

Hello. Im Jas (Jasmine) and I am new to Reddit but was advised to join detrans by my former partner.

I am AFAB but medically transitioned to "male" three years ago. I genuinely thought I was a boy but I think it was due to being with my Ftm partner and hanging out with all his trans friends. Since we broke up, I cant stop feeling like a fraud and I think I should begin detransitioning but i am so embarrassed and dont know where to start. Would love some advice and encouragement if its harsh. I am desperate to start dating again but know this is going to be a challenge due to my current appearance and situation.

I havent had vaginal sex for over three years (me and bf were anal only) so I guess a start would be using that hole again?

I dont think I am in anyway passable as a girl in public 😕

J x

Im in Germany and without parents permission as minor you’re basically unable to get hormones or surgery. I was able to start t at 17 with supporting parents, I came out at 14 but it took years to find a therapist who’s specialized for trans people in my area who’s able to help me get t. So after 2 years on a waitlist I was able to start this therapy, one year later they diagnosed me with gender dysphoria and trans identity. A year later after more appointments I was able to get the next document which allows me to get top surgery. Overall I feel like I’ve gone through a lot of waiting especially as minor but I’ve also been educated enough about the risks.
Overall fine but I wish they asked me about my trauma and depression connected to my identity. They just kinda expected me to know who I was at the age of 15.
The new law also allowed us to change our name and gender within 3 months without any therapy appointments or extra costs so that’s pretty easy.

I’m wondering how other countries handle it, do you think your country is doing it correctly or is gender affirming care too accessible ?

I have a conflicted opinion about gender affirming care for minors, it did save my life, I was suicidal and my transition was one big step I was looking forward for years.

Even if I still have anxieties and worry that I am not passing as female based off how I see myself, I am increasingly getting viewed as a cis woman by strangers. It’s wild because even if I am dressing a little tomboy-ish, now that my hair is longer and ~it looks like~ I have boobs no one genders me male at events or in public at a store or anything.

I am out of state right now and walking around a city no one knows me, while people chat with me and she/her me is just so euphoric. I was out the other night and a (presumably based off the interaction) straight cis male, was flirting with me. While I have no interest in cishet men lmao it was very nice to get that sort of attention/affirmation of my gender presentation. A year ago I did not think this would ever be possible.

First pics are me now after being off t for a little over a month. I was on t for over 6 years. I have been plucking my facial hair with tweezers since none of the other less painless methods have helped. I wear a bralette but it doesn’t do much for me, not sure if there are cheaper options than name brand petite push up bras. My voice is still deep but I haven’t had many comments on it. Men have commented on my lack of breasts assuming I’m a trans woman and other things. I was also curious if anyone has experienced sciatica like pain after stopping hormones after hysto? I think it may be my usual time of month, and today I’ve had some intense back/leg pain all the way down to my feet. Assuming it’s menstrual cycle related but I don’t have a uterus so I’m not sure.

Hi everyone. I have an autism diagnosis (level 2) and was wondering if any other detransitioners are also diagnosed on the spectrum, and if so how do you feel it impacted your experience of gender? Sorry if this is a sensitive question.

Personally I feel my experience of gender, gender distress, and subsequently deciding to transition were all heavily intertwined with my autism. It has always affected my sensory experiences, social understandings, and I struggled with various motor challenges. I felt very alienated from other girls due to my interests and ways of thinking and playing. Some of my sensory issues manifested around gendered parts of my body and puberty, and I would have intense meltdowns. There is a long list of things… in some ways I still feel like my brain is not “feminine” enough.

Being a girl is hard. Being an autistic girl is harder. I wish I had more help back then to teach me there was nothing wrong with me.

I am detrans female. I was on T for roughly 2-3 years, with the second half being patchy because I was inconsistent with doses, starting when I was 18. I have been off T for about 4 years now give or take, even though I only started identifying as female again less than a year ago.
Luckily I wasn't on hormones for a super long time, and I never had any surgeries, however I had a pretty significant voice drop to the point where I sounded (and still do sometimes) like a cis male. I also have decently thick facial hair.

I have a pretty complicated relationship with gender and my perception of myself in general since I have DID, among other mental illnesses, so that makes it difficult to distinguish what feelings about myself are real. There are a lot of other complicated and personal factors behind my original transition and my detransition and it's not as simple as 'I thought I was trans but realised I'm not' like it is for a lot of people, but yeah you get the point. In fact, I was super happy living as male and felt euphoric from the changes T gave and being perceived as a cis male. However, about a year ago I went through pretty stressful and traumatic life changes and came out of it with my gender perception flipped on its head and suddenly no longer felt connected to being male. I'm still not properly out as detrans because I feel shame about it, so I put up with my friends and family still calling me male terms. They know I'm not fully male identifying anymore but I've been watering down the reality of it. I have trans friends online too who have indirectly made posts shaming me for 'not committing' to being trans, so I feel like I have to keep up the facade so as to not embarrass myself further.

I am so dysphoric all the time now it is unreal. It sounds stupid but all I want is to be perceived as cute and feminine, but instead I feel like a disgusting monster. I pass well as female in the face if I have a lot of makeup on, but that's about it. I can't even talk in public anymore, I'm too afraid of strangers hearing my voice because it is so male sounding and immediately gives me away. I've had people tell me they assumed I was a trans woman when I met them. My partner has to do all the talking for me when we're out of the house now because I can't stand the sound of my own voice and the thought of others hearing it, so I'm essentially mute unless we're alone. It's gotten to the point recently where when I hear cis women's voices it makes me suicidal because I know I will never sound like them again. I know voice training is an option of course but the knowledge that my voice will never have the tone and range of a cis woman ever again makes me want to put a bullet to my head.

The body hair is unbearable too. I hate all of it although for most of my body I can ignore it enough or remove it adequately, albeit temporarily. However, my thick facial hair makes me feel so awful. No matter how I remove it the shadow is always visible and it's stubbly by the end of the day. I have become heavily dependent on makeup and I cannot leave the house without it covering the shadow anymore. When I put my hand to my neck and feel all of the coarse hairs it makes me want to rip my skin off. I cannot afford laser, and no at-home methods have been effective enough.

I don't really know what else to say. I don't even think I'm particularly looking for advice or anything, I just really needed to get this off of my chest, because I haven't been able to tell anyone else in my life just how bad it is, even my therapist. I spoke to her about it last week but I don't think she truly grasped the extent of how I was feeling, and even challenged me when I was speaking about hating my voice, asking 'well what does a 'female voice' even sound like?' I get what her point was but also, don't be dense, you know exactly what I mean. This is debilitating gender dysphoria, not just an insecurity. I literally feel like I am grieving the body had before all of this and recently it feels impossible not to kill myself over it. I can't get myself to participate in life anymore because I hate how everyone sees me.

After 5 years on T and about 6 years off T I am officially pregnant. The human body is truly amazing and resilient. If you were on hormones before just know your life isnt over and things genuinely do get better! Early detransition I thought my life would never amount to anything and I often wished I was dead. I could not have been more wrong. Im in college now, Im engaged, I'm pregnant, I have breasts again, I'm closer with my family, and Ive started building a relationship with God in my own way. Wishing you all the best and hoping we all find the momentum forward for a better life! Just wanted to share my happiness with you all and show it is possible to have a life beyond detransition. Dont give up!

When I started testosterone, the language used at the time made it sound like my voice would drop in the same way a natal male’s would. I was genuinely under the impression that it would be the same process.

Didn’t realize that was not the case, and it wasn’t the same thing, and I wouldn’t be experiencing the same changes as a male. I’m aware now that testosterone thickens the vocal cords, but HRT doesn’t create the same structural changes as a natal male’s (like lengthening, etc.) in a female.

I really miss being able to sing. Not that I was even ever good at it, I mean just like, in the car. With friends at a concert. When I’m happy or sad. I knew I’d never be able to sing high pitches again but I thought the range would at least somewhat carry over, like sliding down an octave. Nope. It’s all gone. Because my vocal cords thickened, but didn’t lengthen. I have maybe 1/2 the range of a normal human and I had no idea it would impact me psychologically the way it has.

Can’t even scream about it, haha. Squawk, maybe. 😭

I'm male, had been on estrogen for a little over 2 years at this point and I've reached a point where the cope stopped working and now I'm seriously regretting my decision. I have no one but myself to blame I guess but I just want to go back to being normal. The issue is my insurance doesn't have any coverage for removing gynecomastia, and fertility may never come back at all and nothing can be done about that from my understanding.

I don't know what I'm really expecting to get from here. I just feel so alone and I'm so scared I ruined my life for a dream that was never possible to begin with. And if I already ruined my life, then I'm not sure why I should even bother detransitioning. Especially with all the fear mongering I see about stopping HRT.

i am a 23 year old gnc lesbian. i was on testosterone for 3 years (full dose) and made the decision to stop taking testosterone 3-4 months ago. i don't regret being on hrt and i don't exactly know why i started detransitioning but i just know it feels right at the moment. there's just one issue...

it started three days ago when i was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. i kept trying to lay on my tummy, as i am a stomach sleeper, but couldn't due to severe pain and tenderness in my breasts; i ended up laying awake until 2am when i eventually moved to the couch (the only place i can comfortably side sleep). ever since then, my breasts are extremely tender all day every day. they hurt ANYTIME my bra is off, they hurt when i walk, they hurt when i bend over, they hurt when i sneeze or cough or laugh, they hurt to the touch. they always feel sore. it is affecting my sex life. i don't know what to do.

is this level of tenderness and pain normal 4 months off testosterone?? has anyone else experienced this? i try taking tylenol and ibuprofen but nothing works. i am on birth control and test frequently so i know i'm not pregnant. i'm at a loss. my breasts have ruled the last 72 hours of my life and i hate it. i don't see my doctor for another month. :(

I’m just curious about other people’s experience because my first time was yesterday and he actually commented on it so I feel really insecure. It made me worried for how future partners may react because even though he moved on and it was okay i was so embarrassed

3 years hrt for me. Love the body changes but trying to figure out if it’s responsible for the following:

\- constant nasal stuffiness. Constant post nasal drip. I get colds so easily. Allergy medication doesn’t help. It’s not contagious. From my research it might be a histamine intolerance that estrogen is amplifying?

\- I get overwhelmed by life so easily. I can’t make life descisions. I feel groggy most of the time. I’ve been reading abt how estrogen mtf therapy decrease brain grey matter… potentially related?

\- dysphoria has certainly peaked, ebbed & waned since going on e. I almost got a nose job because of it. Now my chin and jawline are bothering me. They say this happens because you’re disassociating from your body pre hrt… I keep wanting to call that bullshit & label this as some sort of reverse dysphoria I’ve given myself.

The main advice I’ve been given is to ”just keep going, it gets better”- but like fuck, I’m loosing hope in that.

I don’t know a single trans friend that’s not on some sort of concoction of medication for depression/ anxiety/ adhd. My therapist keeps suggesting it for me as well. I certainly struggled with depression pre transition and I know that estrogen wasn’t going to fully cure some of those things but damn it feels like it just made it all hella worst.

Perhaps my body is just not meant to run on estrogen.