Introduction

Hello. Im Jas (Jasmine) and I am new to Reddit but was advised to join detrans by my former partner.

I am AFAB but medically transitioned to "male" three years ago. I genuinely thought I was a boy but I think it was due to being with my Ftm partner and hanging out with all his trans friends. Since we broke up, I cant stop feeling like a fraud and I think I should begin detransitioning but i am so embarrassed and dont know where to start. Would love some advice and encouragement if its harsh. I am desperate to start dating again but know this is going to be a challenge due to my current appearance and situation.

I havent had vaginal sex for over three years (me and bf were anal only) so I guess a start would be using that hole again?

I dont think I am in anyway passable as a girl in public 😕

J x

stopping t has made my acne flair up tremendously oh my word. Struggling lately with top surgery regret and get this feeling of impending doom and anxiety in my heart multiple times a day. Just trying to take it day by day, catch up on college classes, and breathe.

Any advice on talking to loved ones? I have family members I want to reach out to but it feels like a burden to be like nvm I’m not trans. Idek.

I’ve already been researching breast reconstruction (don’t worry I’m not gonna jump into that lmao, I got mastectomy in March of this year). Expecting that a surgery will fix my self-concept is a lesson I’ve already learned, and I know it won’t fix the root of the issue.

I started searching for a therapist who WILL NOT encourage me to continue on hormones just because I’m distressed (at the result of the hormones and surgery).

People look at me so confused, even my boyfriend who’s trans. One of the first things he said to me when I told him I regret top surgery is that “it just sucks because people use this as a reason to say ‘see, they regret surgery so it shouldn’t be offered.’” my values and opinions on transition have changed so now I am wanting to break up with him. I love him but I also don’t see a future with him and I don’t think he understands how much pain I am in, despite me expressing my regret almost daily.
We live together which makes things ten times worse so any advice on how to break up with someone who moved in three months ago would be much appreciated, I feel horrible but I can’t keep pretending things haven’t changed.

I went to a dan and phil event in my state and I met this very lovely woman who was around my age who was so nice to me, but she kept referring to me as they throughout the night even tho I was wearing a skirt and makeup and I basically have a bob at this point 😭 it’s so weird, I think like two people called me they because they couldn’t tell that I was a woman even tho I’m pretty feminine at this point and I never went on T, all I did was bind and cut my hair short and I haven’t binded in almost a year tbh lol

I’ve been questioning a lot of shit lately and honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

i’m 21. when i was 16, i think i wanted a feminine body, but looking back, i don’t know how to interpret those feelings. i don’t know if it was dysphoria, a fetish, or if i just hated myself and wanted to be something else. i keep going back and forth trying to figure out what i actually wanted back then.

part of me thinks i’d be happier if i’d started transitioning younger. i grieve the person i feel like i could’ve been and the years i feel like i’ve lost. but another part of me wonders if i was trying to escape being an undesirable male in the first place.

i’m 5’7, a virgin, and i never really had a girlfriend either. i’ve spent a lot of time feeling like i’ll never be desirable or experience the things other people seem to take for granted. i’ve been smoking weed to cope with reality, but it doesn’t change anything. when i’m sober, i’m right back to thinking about my body, my future, and whether i’ve misunderstood myself this whole time.

i can’t tell if i genuinely wanted to be female or if i was unhappy with being male and saw transition as a way out. maybe those feelings overlapped. i honestly don’t know anymore.

i’m not asking anyone to tell me i’m definitely trans or definitely not. i’d like to hear from people who have actually questioned their transition or detransitioned. did you ever look back at your original reasons for transitioning and realize they were different from what you thought? how did you figure out whether you genuinely wanted to transition or were trying to escape something else?

I am so lonely. I have a lot of trans friends and I appreciate them because they still understand my life experience more than others, but I don’t know any masculine female people who are not currently in the process of some sort of transition. All I want is something like Michfest or Lilith Fair where I can go to escape and be amongst other women who don’t conform. And unfortunately I think that any space for detrans women would be infiltrated by right wing agitators who are not detrans. I just want one person in the world who understand.

I was on T for 2 years, and during this time my temples became sparse (which was to be expected). But not only that, my hair strands also became thinner, my hair texture changed (normally it’s curly but it became wavy), and I experienced slightly wider hair part lines/scalp exposure. My hair color also appeared lighter, from a super dark brown (almost black) to a lighter brownish color.

I brushed all of this off as “Well, my temples are just receded because I have a masculine hairline now. And the hair texture and color change? Probably just hormones… I’ve heard that people’s hair texture can change after big hormonal shifts.”

I have been off T for 3 years now, and none of these hair changes have resolved themself much at all. And my hormone levels are normal! The only thing that has “fixed itself” is that I have a lot more wispy downy fine baby hairs that grew in along my hairline. But other than that, the hair shedding, the extra scalp exposure, super sparse temples, and hair texture and color change was still there.

I thought to myself “why isn’t this going away? I’ve been on my natural estrogen for 3 years. Maybe this is how my scalp/hair will be permanently.”

Then, randomly, in the last 3 months, it randomly started getting WORSE. My temples started receding back even more and I experienced even MORE constant shedding. I decided enough was enough and ordered a scalp biopsy test so that I could get an official diagnosis (if there was one). I was prepared for the results to possibly come back as “inconclusive”, but I figured that getting my follicles examined on a microscopic level was my best bet to figuring out what’s going on.

My diagnosis results? Androgenic alopecia.

I came into the dermatologist office to discuss my diagnosis with her, and plan the treatment. She told me that this is a genetic condition and that my hair follicles are genetically programmed to be sensitive and shrink in exposure to even NORMAL DHT levels. I asked her if I should order a lab to get my DHT levels checked. She told me it’s not really necessary in her opinion because with androgenic alopecia, even if the DHT is normal or even low, the follicles are still sensitive to it and shrink in response to it. She said it’s more about the sensitivity level to the DHT, not necessarily how high the DHT is.

I admitted to her about my past of being on testosterone for 2 years when I thought it was trans and asked her if this could’ve contributed to this. She said “actually yes. You probably would’ve gotten androgenic alopecia/female pattern hair loss down the line anyway, but you taking testosterone probably triggered it to happen much sooner. Like a couple or few decades sooner than it would’ve happened normally. Unfortunately, once it gets triggered/activated, it doesn’t go away, and tends to be a lifelong condition, but you are young and you caught this relatively early, and your hairloss is relatively mild, so I’m optimistic about you experiencing some regrowth with treatment.”

I asked her “Why don’t all detransitioned women get androgenic alopecia? You’re saying that you have to have a genetic susceptibility to it in the first place?”

She said “Yes, you have to have genetics that make your hair follicles sensitive to DHT. The detrans women that experience full regrowth probably aren’t genetically sensitive to DHT.”

And she proceeded to try to console me by telling me not to feel too bad about the testosterone/transitioning thing, she said various things can “trigger” androgenic alopecia in a genetically susceptible person, not just transitioning. She said PCOS can trigger it, random hormonal shifts can trigger it, taking steroids can trigger it, or even certain birth controls can trigger it, or just natural aging.

She prescribed me with oral minoxidil (to stimulate growth) and oral spironolactone (to supress DHT levels). She told me if oral spironolactone doesn’t work for any bizarre reason, she will possibly look into finasteride for me but she said she doesn’t like prescribing that to women. And she said she thinks the spironolactone will work anyway.

She told me (paraphrased, not the exact wording): “Expect to not see any results at all until about 6-12 months. Just keep taking the pills everyday, even if you see no progress, it’s important you keep taking it everyday and don’t skip days or randomly stop. You’ll revert the progress if you stop. You’ll have to take these pills for life. Unless of course, you just don’t want the treatment anymore. In your case, considering your hormones are normal and you don’t have PCOS, this isn’t something you HAVE to treat. It’s not like, a dangerous condition that negative impacts your genuine health functioning, it’s mainly just a cosmetic condition. If you grow up and get older and don’t want to do it anymore and want to rock hair pieces or hair toppers or wigs, or just wear your hair naturally however it is, you have the right to do that. It’s not MANDATORY to take these pills everyday the rest of your life. As long as you’re aware that the hair loss will progress and won’t improve without treatment and you’re informed of that, you can take whatever path you want to”.

Soooo… yeah, long story short (and sorry that this was so long), I see a lot of detransitioned women online say that once they stopped T, their hairloss reverted. Which is great! But if yours DIDN’T revert, OR randomly starts getting worse like mine, look into getting a diagnosis because if you have genetics that prime you to be sensitive to DHT, it’s possible that testosterone could’ve triggered this genetic condition to happen earlier than it would have, if not for the testosterone exposure.

This is not supposed to be any sort of fear-mongering, this is supposed to be helpful and advice that I wish I’d gotten. So many friends and family of mine said “you can barely even see any hair loss, you don’t need a scalp biopsy!! Plenty of women have sparse temples.” So I almost didn’t even go get a biopsy bc so many people kept telling me that I didn’t look like I needed it because my hair loss wasn’t “severe enough”. But I’m glad I got the biopsy because androgenic alopecia is a lifelong, progressive condition (which means it continues to only get worse and worse without treatment), so if I would’ve listened to everyone and not got the biopsy, I’d still have no clue that I have this genetic condition right now.

So if you’ve been off of testosterone for years, and your hair loss and scalp exposure is showing no signs of improvement and in fact, is seemingly getting worse, I suggest going to examine your hair follicles for a diagnosis. It may not be androgenic alopecia, it could be anything, telogen effluvium, alopecia areata, nutrient issues, thyroid issues, low iron, but after ruling out nutrient and thyroid, if it’s STILL going on, then yeah I definitely recommend getting an examination or biopsy.

I just wanted to share my story incase anyone is going through anything similar or is struggling with hair loss or suspects it’s possible that their testosterone usage could’ve triggered androgenic alopecia.

TDLR:

I was on T for 2 years, off for 3 and during the past 3 years my hair loss, increased scalp exposure, and hair strand thinness did not go away, if anything it seemed to slowly be getting worse.

I got a scalp biopsy and was diagnosed with androgenic alopecia, a GENETIC, lifelong condition that my doctor said was likely triggered to start DECADES earlier than it naturally would’ve, due to my testosterone usage. I am 23. She said it probably would’ve happened when I was middle aged/menopausal, but the testosterone usage likely upstarted/triggered it to begin MUCH sooner.

So if you are a detrans woman and have been off T for a long time and your hair loss is not improving at all, or getting worse, I highly suggest first checking your nutrient levels (most importantly vitamin D, biotin, Iron, and Zinc), and your thyroid functioning. If those come back clear and nutrients and thyroid isn’t the issue, then I suggest getting an examination or even a biopsy like I did to examine your hair follicles closely, to get an official diagnosis.

There are many hair loss conditions, there’s also alopecia areata, frontal fibrosing alopecia, lichen planopilaris, CCCA, temporary telogen effluvium, traction alopecia, triangular temporal alopecia, and more. It’s best not to blindly guess what it could be, it’s best to intervene early and get your hair follicles looked at and start treatment asap.

P.S: Sorry if there are any typos! I’ll fix them later. I wrote this real quick before my work shift because this has been weighing on me eversince I recently got diagnosed a week ago, and I felt the need to share my experience.

I didn’t really have much trouble dating before HRT or while on it. So it’s been an odd change to be in the situation I’m in.

I stopped HRT back in May after having been on it off and on for over 10 years. Chopped my hair off and have made an effort to remasculinize my voice. Afaik the voice hasn’t been an issue but I do have people, specifically women, asking me what my pronouns are when I express interest in them and it’s left me feeling kind of defeated.

I don’t necessarily want to be the most masculine guy ever but I can’t imagine I’ll have a lot of luck dating now if people can’t tell what I am. It’s bizarre to me because I’m 5’11 and fairly muscular. I got mistaken for a woman when I was younger and didn’t think much of it because it was feeding into my delusions but now I’m just wondering if I’ll forever be androgynous. 😭

I guess curious what y’all’s experience has been and if any of the women in here think much about something like that.

I’ve always had terrible acne, a fun combination of cystic, hormonal, whiteheads, blackheads, large clogged pores, and extreme oil production. When I went through puberty the first time it was horrible like it is now, then I went on accutane and it cleared. When I started testosterone it got worse again, then leveled out. I’ve been of testosterone for 3ish weeks now and it’s getting unbearable. I’m hoping that when my hormones level out it will get better, fingers crossed. Has anyone else experienced this? What did your timeline look like?

Side note, a worker in one of my schools dining halls/cafes referred to me as she and her and it has got me thinking. Did I ever really pass, or were people just being polite? I haven’t been gendered as female in years, but apparently only 3ish weeks off testosterone is enough to make a difference. I live in a super mega liberal area so maybe she assumed I was trans MTF? I don’t even know. But it didn’t make me uncomfortable like I thought it would. I feel like I’m in a weird limbo state right now, where I definitely don’t pass as a woman but not manly enough to immediately pass as male either. I think most people assume I’m a gay femboy or MTF. I was always a tomboy growing up so I never had a strong connection to femininity, and I’ve tried my best to ignore it for the most part, but now it’s unavoidable. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel like a girl again. I don’t really know how to be a woman either. I also literally JUST had an ‘intake’ appointment with a therapist, so I’ll have plenty to discuss lol.