r/depression • u/Equal_Gazelle6813 • 4h ago

Tw suicidal ideation talk

Hi. I am in my 30s with kids. I feel like I have no direction in my life. I had my oldest child when I was young and sacrificed a lot to raise him. I don't resent him for it but I look at how he treats me and it makes me sad. I am slowly not trusting of anyone anymore and have shut down when talking to friends or my husband. I dont want to be a burden and dont want to leave myself vulnerable. I feel like I suck at everything. I have a license in real estate, nursing and cosmetology. I use all my licenses but feel inadequate in everything. I think everyone would be better off if I wasn't around. My oldest would be happier but my younger 3 would be sad. I keep writing letters in my notes section of my phone but ultimately don't do it. I feel so stuck. The part that gets me is no one even notices- not even my husband.

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u/Unlikely_War_6119 4h ago

You know deep down not everyone would be better off you said yourself your kids would be sad! And sad is an understatement. I’m so sorry you feel this way. If you need anyone to talk to I’m here for whatever that’s worth. Sorry if this doesn’t help at all or somehow makes you feel worse but I’m not sure what to say to help. Based off your age your oldest isn’t even an adult yet so please don’t take how he treats to heart too much. He still has so much growing and learning to do. Again I’m so sorry you’re struggling and I wish you the best ❤️

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u/AngrilyFancy 4h ago

People noticing is tricky because when you shut down like that, they might think you just need space. But those letters in your phone, the fact you keep writing them but not acting on it, something in you is still fighting. That matters more than you realize right now

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u/Equal_Gazelle6813 2h ago

You're right. It's because I love my children so much and I wouldn't want to cause their hearts any pain.

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u/Equal_Gazelle6813 2h ago

Thank you. My oldest will be 18 next June.

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u/Equal_Gazelle6813 2h ago

Also, it's worth a lot. <3

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u/shahjmir 3h ago

Please stay ❤️ I'm 31 no kids and life gets lonely ❤️ you are a wonderful person and don't get yourself down. Find things you enhoy doing, going on runs, making new friends outside work and so on :)