I heard a podcast today from Orion Taboran and he said that an emotional connection is the hardest thing for women to find with men. He said it’s easier for a woman to find a man to give them money, gifts or a ring than for a woman to find an emotional connection with a man.

I felt a lack of emotional connection and it’s one of many reasons I left my marriage. 🫠 So now I’m curious to what men consider “emotional connection”.

I 42f had a great date with 44m last week. We had great chemistry and ended up having sex WITH condoms. He mentioned that after I got my sti testing results back that he wanted to have sex without condoms going forward, and he had vasectomy 7 years ago. This made me pause as we had just talked about how we would continue to date and have sex with other people while dating each other.

Men who have had a vasectomy, do you have no barrier sex with people you are not exclusive with? I'm fresh on the scene after a long term sexually monogamous relationship and admittedly re-learning how to date. Even if all parties are getting sti testing regularly, this seems irresponsible to me, idk. Is this a common practice and I'm in the wrong here? Let me know!

EDIT: I case it was not clear from my original post, in no way was I pressured into having sex with no condoms. Our sexual encounter was consensual and informed, barriers were used. I plan to say condoms or no sex if the opportunity for sex comes up again. Considering I am the one who said I would be dating other people, I think it's responsible of me to use barriers and get tested every 3 months.

There's something about a dating profile leading with a photo in dark or mirrored sunglasses that is an automatic turnoff for me. Is that just me or do other folks have that reaction?

I'm 48F, divorced four years ago, and have been dating a 51M for about five months. Things have been going really well, and last Saturday I invited him to dinner with some of my closest friends.

These are people I've known for 15-20 years. Three couples, all of whom knew me when I was married. We have birthdays together, help each other move, look after each other's pets, that kind of group.

I was excited for him to meet them because they're a huge part of my life.

Dinner seemed great. Everyone was laughing, the food was good, he was joining in. I went home feeling like we'd reached a nice little milestone.

The next morning I asked what he thought of everyone.

He said they seemed lovely, but he felt like he'd attended a reunion for a school he never went to.

That stung a little.

He explained that almost every conversation eventually turned into a story from ten or fifteen years ago. Holidays they took together, people from their old jobs, something ridiculous that happened at a wedding in 2012.

He spent most of the evening listening to stories about people he'd never met.

At one point my friend started talking about a trip we all took years ago, and mentioned my ex-husband. Someone else remembered another story involving him, and suddenly we were laughing about something that happened when we were still married.

Nobody was comparing them or being deliberately awkward. My ex is simply part of our shared history.

But my date pointed out that everyone knew things about him because I'd told them about him beforehand, while nobody had actually asked him much about himself.

And looking back, he's right.

He knows what my friends do for work, where their kids go to school, and half their holiday disasters. I don't think any of them know he has two grown daughters or that he restores old motorcycles on weekends.

The embarrassing part is that I was sitting right there and didn't notice any of this.

I went into my usual mode with my old friends, telling stories and enjoying myself, and assumed he was having the same experience because he was laughing along.

He wasn't angry. He said he understood why we were all comfortable with each other and that he wasn't expecting to become everyone's best friend over dinner.

But he did say something that's been stuck in my head: "I felt like I was being introduced to your life, but there wasn't much room for me in the conversation."

We've talked about it since, and I apologized for not making more of an effort to include him. He's happy to see them again.

I don't want to make my friends feel like they have to censor their memories or pretend my marriage never happened. And I certainly don't want to turn every social gathering into a formal introduction exercise.

But I also don't want the person I'm dating to feel like a permanent guest in a life that was already fully furnished before he arrived.

For those of you who've introduced a new partner to friends you've known for decades, how did you make that transition work?

Especially when those friends also knew your ex and shared a lot of your previous life?

I posted last night but it was removed because I didn’t realize how to word my issue and the advice I’m looking for. My bad mods, I got it this time! Lol

I’m 40m, I don’t have a career, job (I’m on temporary disability), I have physical health limitations, I live at home with my mom. I’m currently her caregiver, she has Multiple Sclerosis.

The no career issue is my fault. I had a different idea of how I would accomplish something unconventional but it didn’t work out.

The physical limitations really hit the hardest. I was living on my own in Washington State. I had lost 80lbs and put on muscle, best shape of my life. Hiking, camping, living in mountains. I was renting a room at a friend’s and one morning my toes were just numb. Thing got progressively worse from there, that was 4 years ago. I moved home to Hawaii in 2023 after trying to work with doctors and specialists in Washington. I’m still working with specialists in Hawaii to figure out the issue.

When I returned home, my mother’s health was much better than I had seen in years. She lost weight, was walking all over town, she was doing great. I really needed the help so she let me stay at her small apartment. We both don’t have money, just born in Hawaii, and live in a tiny 1 bedroom unit.

Last year her mental health started to decline, and I decided to stay with her instead of moving to my friends place in Washington.

We had to move from our hometown to downtown Honolulu.

Now we are both physically declining, depressed, and financially devastated.

Most of my friends live in the mainland, the states, and don’t have any real support here.

I would like my life to continue and to find happiness. I just don’t know where if any woman would want someone with so much baggage.

When starting a relationship with someone what do I say? Just keep it normal and don’t go into it to deeply? I feel like I owe them some disclaimer, you know?

I'm (40m) curious how people would feel dating someone that's already retired at 40, or anyone's experience dating someone retired when you aren't?

Without over explaining, I had some health issues come up and ended up retiring early after a life long career in IT.

This has put me in a very different position than most anyone I'm matching with, which has been a little awkward. I'm not wealthy or anything but I'm stable and comfortable and still figuring out where I go from here.

I've always dated near my own age but suddenly I feel like the oldest middle aged man ever lol and I'm just starting to figure out how all this may affect dating and any potential new relationship now that I'm considering dating again after spending the last year focusing on my health.

Edited for typos

I (42F) just saw a comment on a recent post where a woman said she receives so many messages on the apps she can’t keep up.

This may be a stupid question but, for the women who get “tons of messages,” does that mean you are matching with them and then they message you? And if so, HOW are you finding that many men to swipe right on?!?! I swear I swipe right on like 1/100 and I don’t have high standards or anything; I like to think I’m attracted to people as attractive as me which is not very much.

But really, are you guys swiping right on that many men?? Or are you on apps where anyone can message you?

I’ve met someone who keeps bringing up a certain thing about themselves that I’m pretty sure they think is a big attraction to the opposite sex. They’ve mentioned it quite a few times now, and I get the feeling they’re expecting a bit more of a reaction from me… It’s not that I find it unattractive, I’m just completely neutral about it. I do wonder what they make of the fact that I’m not particularly impressed or hyping them up over it.

Has anyone else experienced this? What’s something someone you’ve dated kept mentioning because they clearly thought it made them more desirable, but you weren’t especially bothered either way? Did you keep praising them for this?

I’m finding myself navigating dating at a different stage of life, and it’s made me wonder just how much things have changed since the last time I was single. I’m curious to hear what others have experienced…. Met a few “interesting” people… including a man who kept talking about his body A LOT

Every day I see posts of people moving in after a year of dating or sooner.

I’m at 2+ years and nowhere near ready to cohabitate!

Do I want to? Absolutely! But there’s just so much to figure out. Shared responsibilities. Finances. Making room for another person. Blending families.

We are lucky that we live very close together and spend pretty much every day together, and maybe that’s part of the reason why I’m in no rush?

I asked my boyfriend recently how conversations prior to living together have gone. Did they discuss finances, household chores and things like that? He said no. I was shocked and at the same time I wasn’t.

I’d love to know what this process looks like for other people. I’m definitely a chronic Overthinker. And surprisingly, I have never made a conscious decision to live with anyone! My roommate in college was assigned, and then I lived alone. My ex-husband came to stay with me and he was supposed to go get his own apartment but he just never left. That ends my experience in cohabitation with another human being that was not family. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What makes you end up living together? What conversations do you have in advance? Are there conversations you wish you would’ve had upfront?

I put a LOT of time and effort (maybeeee bordering on obsessive) into my dating profile, and the one prompt where I just wanted to be done with it was one where I wrote that I like having a plan for things. My partner always has veto power, of course, but I'm not a "go with the flow" type.

I hadn't really thought about it at the time, but I suppose that prompt also helps women who are looking for someone more spontaneous nope out on me. In general, I try to make my profile attract better matches, even if that means fewer matches, so that may have been a happy accident.

But what really surprised me was how often women who matched with me would comment on that particular prompt first. It was way out of proportion to the other prompts where I'd actually been attempting to be engaging!

Are there parts of your personality that you don't even think of as a "quality" because they're just so natural to you? Something you're not really trying to do, but that people you date seem to appreciate way more than you expected?

For me, l've started paying more attention to my hair lately, and it's got me wondering what everyone else has been doing for themselves.

"The position of best girl/boy is already filled by my daughter/son, Sorry haha"

What do you think about this remark.

Cute or cringe ?

1. A surprising number of people aren’t over their exes.
2. A surprising number of people are still living with their exes.

What a bizarre age bracket to be thrust back into the dating pool.

So, which group are you in? 😆😬

Edit: No judgement though. Breakups are messy and difficult to navigate. We all have baggage and we all want to love and be loved. Life and love! 🍻

My bf (35M) and I (40F) have been together for 7 months, living 15 hours apart. Neither planned on long distance, but it's been one of the best relationships we've had, and we're aligned on our future goals.

From our first date, I made it clear I couldn't relocate right now because I own several brick-and-mortar businesses. Since he works remotely, our plan was for him to move to me for a few years, then we'd eventually move closer to his family.

However, just two weeks after moving in, he realized being away from his family was unbearable and wants to move back, eventhough he loves and wants to be with me.

The only compromise I can see is splitting our time between both places, spending a few months here and one month there. But this would put my businesses and financial stability at risk.

I love him and want to make this work, but I'm scared of sacrificing everything I've worked hard to build.

At 40, how much is too much to sacrifice for love? Would you take the risk? Is him changing his mind so quickly a red flag?

I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

Edit to add: None of us have human human kids. We did 2 one month trials of living together before the move.

My businesses run day to day without me, I travel at least twice a year for 2 weeks stretch and they're fine. But this obviously a month away is a longer stretch. The initial goal was to spend the 2 years here so I can set them all up as completely absentee owner and sell for a decent price then move. That's why I was thinking this may not be too bad of an idea to test out if they can run smoothly for prolonged period of me being around.

45F, and I never had any issues getting likes or matches or dates on the apps, and now that there's nothing, it's making me wonder if I've crossed the threshold into invisibility. I thought it was my city (Toronto), but now I'm wondering if it's something else after recently having travelled and I'm not getting matches in other places, either.

My profile has real photos of me looking normal. There's no AI, filters, makeup beyond mascara, or of me at special events where I'd be fully decked out. There's full body shots, close up face shots, I'm smiling, and I believe what I've written should invite conversation and demonstrates my sense of humour and that I'm a happy person. There's not an unrealistic checklist of what I'm looking for.

I'm looking for an LTR, open to short term because I'm craving connection and physical intimacy, but I don't have or want kids.

Is it that I'm still in school? I'm working on my doctorate and currently writing my dissertation, but I teach graduate courses, too. Too educated? Too likely to leave town for a job somewhere else?

Is this just a tough age to be a woman on the apps?

Is it because I'm not willing to pay for the apps?

I'd go off the apps, but I have limited opportunities to meet potential partners in the communities I'm a part of. Most folks are off limits in some way.

Just looking for some positive encouragement here and to hear what other women are experiencing. Thanks in advance!

This will be my last post regarding this relationship because, frankly, I'm exhausted, and after finally ending it last week after two years of back and forth, I think the truth hit me full force.

If you want complete context, read my post history. Short of it? My now ex girlfriend lied to me throughout our relationship, mostly around her relationship with her ex boyfriend while we were together. I never enforced this boundary, and so she never respected it, so it's partially on me.

Anyways, I simply couldn't trust her anymore and she wasn't doing anything to work on rebuilding that trust (only getting caught continuing to be deceptive). After ending things two weeks ago, I found out she immediately added him back on all of her socials and I believe she and he went to a pumpkin patch with her kids last weekend (the kids know him from coaching and obviously being with her in the past).

We blocked each other on everything, but I found earrings of hers I wanted to give back to her, so I reached out to her on TikTok (lol) since it still let me message her even though we weren't following each other). I told her I had these and she needed to pick them up, and while I should have known better, I made a comment about how it's funny she so easily blocked me so quickly, but she could never do that to him for me when we were together. I told her that I knew they were back to talking or together already and it simply proved why I had to end the relationship. She wrote back a sappy response about how she always wanted to be with me, and loved me more than anything 24/7.

Then she made a comment regarding the ex, and simply said, "I know you think I'm moving on already, but that's not the case but I'm not going to get into that." No real denial. Just deflection because she knew I knew. Lots of people on Reddit over the past few months have told me she doesn't really care about me or love me based on her history/actions, and I refused to believe it, but honestly, it seems that was the case. So after a 15 year marriage that ended in an affair (not me, but my ex), and now this relationship ending because of not being chosen, I think it might be time to hang up the dating for a while (if not forever). I know in the long run, it's for the best, but this sucks.

If anyone is reading this that has commented on my previous posts, thanks for the input, even if it was harsh, because frankly, it was mostly on point.

I know a single male who is probably looking for a serious partner and is a positive, successful and decent person as far as I know but I don't feel any chemistry. I was wondering if it's a good idea to even consider a date ?

I’m 40F just getting into dating after 20 years. I am most nervous about going on a few dates with someone, enjoying it but for various reasons thinking there isnt a future. How are you letting these guys down? I’d think we can all be adults and straight forward but kind, but how often are men getting offended or asking awkward follow up questions or giving you a hard time because they thought things were going great?

Anyone else feel like their being pressured by their family?

Being in an Asian family does not make it easier. Haha!

I think my immediate family kind of gave up and lost hope in me. My dad will sometimes throw jabs about meeting someone. And its not like I don't go out trying. I'm well active and outgoing and a traveller, I just haven't met the right person I suppose.

But it's more my extended family that's always asking.. Aunts, Uncles and cousins.

"Why are you still single?" "When are you getting married?" List goes on... To be honest, I don't even know how to answer these questions..

I am a weird bird i guess. I am composed when sitting across someone i dont fancy. Nuts when across someone i do fancy. Back in this game after a nearly 2 decade long relationship. Last time i dated, i was a teen. Am one of those stupid kind that likes feedback. I ask managers, my coach, my pt for now i can do better. Dating is one place in life where you cant ask for what did I do wrong when you get rejected. Really struggling to understand what I am doing wrong!

My OLD profile always has what I'm looking for as "long-term" or "a relationship". But on any platform I've tried, I get a lot of men who, just a few sentences after an initial hello, ask some form of "so... what are you looking for on here?" It always makes me feel like they know, but just ask all women that in the hopes that they'll say something like "a hookup" cause that's what THEY'RE really looking for. And then I dont want to talk to them anymore because we're not on the same wavelength. I don't want to unmatch from potential good matches due to being judgemental if I'm wrong. Am I right or wrong? And if wrong, why are they asking when it's clearly stated in my profile?

(And yes, I understand men may get the question from women too. I just don't know if so because I date men.)

After surviving a highly toxic marriage where my ex-wife gaslighted me for 10 years, where everything I felt was real to me but ended up being based on a mountain of her lies, and then following 2 years emotionally recluse, I've spent the last year working incredibly hard to improve myself. I also was honest with myself and realized that at 45, my goods don't work as well as they used to, so I got some ED treatment.

Despite my dad dying from Lewy Body on top of everything, I was still able to kick a 26-year nicotine addiction and decided to quit drinking. I've gone back to the gym to get myself back in shape and to take care of my body, and I started therapy again to take care of my mind. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone because I didn't even attempt to work on my baggage.

After solitude, being starved of affection, and discussions with my therapist, I recently realized how alone I've been feeling. Then tack on how my anxiety medication they presecribed me this year has enhanced my libido, plus losing weight and working out has push my libido further, this is the highest drive I've had since my 20s. Low libido has plagued me in the past, so this is amazing and I want to really embrace it. However, I don't enjoy random hookups. I thrive on the passion, of being 1,000% present, of looking right in the eyes and being of total body and mind being shared in the most intimate of ways.

All that said, I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle while spiked, flaming kegs are being thrown down at me. I have never done OLD, and every single thing I have heard or read sounds absolutely horrid. The meat market mentality where hordes of men beat each other senseless to try to get the attention of women who are blasted with effortless, overly sexualized responses and posts, or are just flat out lied to by promises of a good man.

I don't drink anymore, and I'm noticing how so much of adult life revolves around it, so that has made it harder. Every avenue of OLD seems like a second job that requires months of work with a 25% chance to get just a date.

And with everything I've been through and am still working through, I don't want some high stakes relationship, but I don't want anything meaningless. From what I've read up on, I think it's called a "non-escalating relationship." Two people who are monogomous, but want to maintain their autonomy while also seeking a meaningful connection combined with real intimacy. I feel like what I'm looking for is available, but where the hell do you find it? I'm not asking for anything crazy. I just want a mature, full-bodied woman who wants to enjoy a man who is working very hard to improve himself and wants to share a real connection.

And if it's "Hey, do you want to have dinner?" "No, I just want to stay home." "no problem. If there is anything I can do to help..." "Actually, I could use a good snuggle." "I'll be right over"... that sounds amazing. Do you have any idea how much I miss snuggling? I sleep between two body pillows just to make it feel like an embrace. Or just go for a walk together, or sit on a bench staring out into the ocean while holding each other. All of that builds into passion, and passion leads to fantastic intimacy. I miss is all.

Am I crazy? Am I looking into the dreamwell and tying to fish for a unicorn? I just miss passion and affection and mutual reverence so god damn much... and it seems like I'm lost in a maze that I didn't ask to be placed in. [Insert another analogy here...]

EDIT: I'm a bit embarrassed by the tone I took, only realizing after reading the comments. I almost decided to take the post down, but I've appreciated the feedback, both positive and critical.

EDIT 2: My therapist said that I may have been having a hypomanic episode this past week, which would explain everything... oops. I've basically been a high-strung lapdog on meth. My bad....