A few days back I saw a clip from a podcast where the hosts asked the other how much semen he reckoned he’d produced over his lifetime.
I couldn’t tell you how but this then popped up with a few mates over beers at the pub. Naturally, the conversation descended into outrageous claims, blatant lies, questionable mathematics and a lot of laughter.
Fast forward to today, and because I’m apparently the sort of person who can’t leave a completely ridiculous question unanswered, I decided to investigate…
Armed with burning curiosity, a reasonably good recollection of my relationship history, some googled averages, and a some spectacular beer-coaster maths I went down this entirely unnecessary rabbit hole.
With the power of Excel (despite my limited skills) and some AI chat bot queries, I ended up with this detailed infographic documenting 34 years of my sexual history, complete with frequency trends, lifetime estimates and likely cumulative semen production.
The result? Approx 12,740 ejaculations and 40.5 litres of semen.
Still unsure if I should be impressed, embarrassed or concerned about the time and effort I’ve devoted to this…
Im under no illusion that these figures are full of assumptions and round numbers - These are bush-math estimates dressed as something sophisticated.
Anyway Reddit, I had no idea where to post this but I was keen to share - I present the most unnecessary personal statistical analysis I’ve ever undertaken.