To get some meat on his bones

I can't believe it's not better.

At least it did one thing right.

But it was a fossil arm.

The bill was huge!

Neither did he.

The boogie man!

Czech Mate!

It was just an ex-spearmint

You can get kilt up there.

A bloodhound!

What is the difference between my jokes and the moonlander?

||My jokes never land.||

What did Neil Armstrong say before he exited the lunar lander?

||Haha, I farted.||

Why did "Buzz" Aldrin not care?

||They were wearing space suits.||

Why didnt Michael Collins find any of it amusing?

||He was in a dark place.||

Why did that last joke not land?

||Cause nobody knows Michael Collins didnt either.||

Collins went all the way to the moon just to spin around it as the other two were having a blast.

Spooktacles!

It’s a Cockle Spaniel.

It didn’t have a haunting license.

While not a problem yet, it’s worth keeping an ion.

Irresponsible.

(hint: if you don't get it, say the word aloud instead of reading it)

They're afraid they will relax and unwind.

I’m officiating my brother-in-law’s wedding on Saturday. Since he and I both love clean dad jokes, I’d love to throw a couple of dad jokes in the ceremony. PLEASE tell your best wedding/marriage/relationship jokes!!!

Feefiphobia

I was in a rush to get to work and closed the door on my cat's tail....So it took the cat to wall mart...Because it is the largest retailer around.

They didn’t like my critter sizing.

An elderly couple entered a burger joint …
… and sat next to a table where some young people were having dinner.
The old man walked over to the counter and made an order for himself.
He unwrapped the burger, cut it in half and put one half next to his wife.
Carefully, he counted all the fries and did the same.
He dipped two straws in the soda and put it between himself and his wife.
The old lady began to eat her half of the burger while the people stared compassionately.
A young man approached them and offered to buy them another portion of food.
The old woman replied, no, don't bother. We just share everything.
People realised that the old man hadn't eaten after a little while. He only watched as his wife ate.
So the same young man approached and repeated his offer.
This time, the old man spoke. No, no, it's fine. We just share everything.
Then the young man said to the old man. What are you waiting for?
The old man looked up and said, The teeth.

Teacher Arrested!
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference Attorney General Todd Blanche said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Director of National Intelligence Clayton said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House Director of Communications Cheung told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

Mali-boo.