I’ve been inconsolable for a week with anticipatory grief.

[u/chaoscontrolled1231]

Edit: I woke up because he crawled up with me and I’ve read every response. I NEEDED all this wisdom. Thank you. This is why I appreciate strangers and fresh perspectives.

TL;DR my cat was given a really grim prognosis and I feel like I failed him. I’m a human nurse and it’s part of my job to make people feel better, but I can’t do that for my beloved boy. He’s only 9 and I’ve had him since a kitten.

Back in 2025 my wife and I went to Canada for a vacation and before we left, we noticed our boy picked up his sister’s URI and needed to be on antibiotics and steroids.

He hasn’t been well for longer than a few months since.

We took him to a new PCP this winter, because we thought he was developing cat asthma, had been coughing a lot. The pcp put him on antibiotics and steroids.

3 times. And three times he would get better. Then not. And we never got any imaging recs. Took him to the emergency vet, they did X-rays and found out he had a small consolidation in his lower lungs that could be asthma, a mucus plug, or lung cancer. They told our PCP vet to refer us to oncology vets for diagnostics.

Total cost, 25-35,000 dollars. I can’t afford that.

We take him to a new vet who puts him on a really good medicine regiment for his symptoms, being very understanding that we really can’t pursue oncology right now. This vet understandably request frequent visits to check on him. We decided this fall we would do one last ditch effort to help his symptoms and see if we can do anything else; a deep sedation exam without intubation. The doctor calls me to ask for an in person visit to discuss findings.

The mass has grown and spread to his right lower lungs and up into his left. The vet gave us weeks to months.

And last year all we thought this was cat asthma and a persistent URI.

Every time I look at him I start weeping because I can’t help him get better and I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I know the big E is coming, but he still has good and bad days. How the hell do I navigate this because my heart feels like it keeps reshatter-ing.

I feel like this grief will never let up.