r/cats • u/chaoscontrolled1231 • 7h ago
Mourning/Loss I’ve been inconsolable for a week with anticipatory grief.
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u/RiskReasonable 6h ago
First of all, thank you so much for loving him and giving him an amazing life. I am so sorry for this incredibly challenging situation. Truly I am ❤️🩹— 9 is far too young to have to say goodbye. But you have given him a life of love and comfort. Take so many pictures. Spoil him and love on him. Again, I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your beautiful baby and for giving him the best life 🖤
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u/AuGmENTor68 7h ago edited 7h ago
All any of can do is for the best to out furry friends. All my cats (14 and I hope that's it for a while) are rescues. So were the ones that have passed over the years. I get them fixed, keep them in and fed. But as far as any of what your talking about goes? No chance. I just can't afford it. But these animals would have died had they been left to the lives they had. I enjoy my time with them. I grieve them when they pass, now I know they had better lives than they would have, and knowing each other benefits both of us. My condolences. Don't beat yourself up (too much) sounds like you did a lot.
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u/Bananaboat2378 6h ago
This is my mindset too. I get mine from shelters, so I always feel good about the life and time I give my kitties…
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u/Katra27 6h ago
You’ve already done so much. More than a lot of people would do with even more money.
I cannot tell you when it’s time. Unfortunately no one can. Everyone agonizes over this perfect algorithm of good days to bad days that doesn’t exist. My advice? Do your best to disregard your selfish desire to keep him alive for yourself, because you’re scared of the grief. Also, try to remember this isn’t a situation where he could potentially have 5 more years or something, you have to come at this with a sober outlook. I’m not saying those two things are easy, but do your best to keep them in mind. Then go with your gut. Trust that he trusts you. I am sure the little guy loves and deeply, deeply trusts you to keep him safe and content. So when your gut says it’s time then have faith in your ability to make the decision for him and that you’re acting in his best interest.
Personally, despite never meeting you, just through your words it’s obvious you care immensely for him. That tells me you’ll do the right thing and that you’ve definitely done so much for him in his life. I think as pet owners our grief and love can unfortunately blind us to the wonderful life we’ve given these kitties.
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u/Weak_Weird_5827 6h ago
I hate that this is happening to you, but it’s happens to me multiple times. And I get your pain: I hate seeing them go through this and get so bad so quickly. There is nothing I can say to make it easier. Just that I understand what you are going through and I Know you are making the best decisions possible.
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u/Ok_Committee8707 5h ago
Gorgeous boy ❤️❤️. They really break our hearts don’t they.
I found a card and it says -
“Never forget that in between hello and goodbye, there was love, so much love.”
I keep it on the dresser in my dining room where I can always see it.
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u/GeorgesCouthon175594 5h ago
I wish I know what to say, except that I’ve been in this place and I know it’s a terrible one. All the best to you and your friend. ❤️🩹
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u/Turbulent-Chemist633 5h ago
my mom’s service dog had lung cancer and responded well to Palladia. sorry you’re going through this. it’s really hard.
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u/whatudidthere 4h ago
My first cat I had for 12 years. My boyfriend and I were young, loved and cared for him but took his snuggles for granted. When he was sick we didn’t have money to treat him so we said our goodbyes in a peaceful quiet moment.
We got our second cat just a year before, he was a kitten we took off the streets. I vowed to do things differently. I cherished every moment. Took him to the vet at any sign of sickness. Made sure I saved and paid. He was 7 and I had just spent about 2K on surgery only to still lose him 2 days later in a traumatizing manner.
When we moved 5 years ago, I brought 2 feral cats I was feeding. One was already quite senior and I didn’t think she would be with us long. She’s still here and runs around more than her daughter. And both are still very feral so no vet trips, just whatever I can sneak into their food. The only prevention I can give them is keeping them inside or in their catio.
I say this, not to make it about me but as an example. You are a nurse so I’m sure you know very well, just like people, you can do everything right and still lose them.
The only way we could ever avoid not experiencing the pain would be if love could heal. Sadly, it can’t but what it can do is provide a life of comfort, safety and security. A life many other cats couldn’t even imagine and although it’s a shorter life than you want for him, it’s the great life he got to live.
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u/chargergirl1968w383 3h ago
I'm sorry to say, it'll get worse b4 it gets better. But, I promise you. The day will come where you'll just smile when you think of him.
I'd like you to consider the following 2 thoughts:
1) They teach doc's that when you see hoof prints in the sand. Look for horses not zebras. Meaning, look for the common illnesses vs thinking more common symptoms are serious or rare diseases for their age. Don't beat yourself up abt not finding it out sooner. It doesn't mean you failed him.
2) I was in similar situation. Was sitting in the waiting room. Started a convo with an older couple that was there having their beloved dog put down. They told me they spent $18,000 on surgery & chemo for their dog. They told me if they could do it over again, money aside bcs that wasn't their regret, they said in retrospect, they would have made their dog comfortable and let him pass naturally. Although they prolonged his life approx 9 to11 mos, they were months filled with pain, nausea and horrible side effects. He couldn't run, jump, eat or do anything dogs do. Their beloved pup suffered thru those months of medical intervention. They told me to let my girl go peacefully. We did that. She was older, 20, not so young like your boy, but she looked & still moved & ran around like she was 4 until 2 days b4 she passed. I swear she would have lived to 30 if that tumor didn't start. I wanted to intervene medically but think I did the right thing. Ngl, It was hell to see that tumor growing & feeling like i s/b doing something but vet said it was attached to major stuff and she wasn't a candidate for surgery. We did all her fav things, took her to dairy Queen, ribeyes, and running off leash in the forest preserve
I hope you'll find peace. Sometimes we dont know why things like this happen. In a perfect world, we'd have the ability to use the medical interventions available for our pets without it breaking us financially. It's possible you saved him months of suffering thru the treatments and have given him better quality of life for his time remaining. I will pray for you and your boy to have all good days to do his fav things.
Edited to add the number 2 on 2nd thought. I did it in .05secs after posted so it may not show as edited comment.
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u/Dear-Sky-7543 3h ago
Don't wish him away. You don't know how long he'll be with you. Touch him every time you pass, tell him stories of your life together and thank him for being your puss. Let him know that he can go when he's ready. Tell him you'll be ok and he can make his decision in his own time. This will help you to come to terms with being without him and it will free him to cross the Rainbow Bridge when he's ready.
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u/BabyHuey206 6h ago
You have the rest of your life to mourn him, but right now you have a few months to give him (and yourself) as much joy as you can. That means pedal to the metal. Treats every day, when he's cuddly or playful other things can wait. You put the phone down and turn off the TV and concentrate on being there with him while you can. Talk to him out loud. Tell him what you're feeling and what he means to you. This sucks, I'm terribly sorry you don't have more time with him.