i am at a complete loss here and have no idea what to do. i’ve posted in here before so u may be aware of my living situation already

i (24f) live with three girls - emily (21f), sarah (22f), and jesse (25f) - and our lease is up in december. emily and sarah share the master bedroom and bath, jesse and i both have our own rooms but share the communal bath. the rent, electricity, and all of the utilities are under sarah’s accounts and we all send her money. it’s never been an issue and still isn’t.

sometime at the very beginning of summer emily started staying at her boyfriends house every single night. we were basically her storage space. she does not pay any rent or utilities at her boyfriends and was still paying rent and utilities at our apartment since she still is on the lease. in august she decided that she would no longer pay electricity and in september she said she is no longer paying the rest of the utilities. that’s understandable since she’s not ever at the apartment using any of it. she had told sarah - sarah has text message proof of all this - on october 1st when our rent and bills were due that she isn’t going to pay for the rent anymore. our rent alone is $3000. emily pays a little over $700, which is the least any of us pay. we can all comfortably afford to live here and save money with it split between the 4 of us but between just myself, sarah, and jesse we can barely afford electricity and rent. especially because we are in southern california and the heat has been atrocious

after some back and forth between emily and sarah it was decided that emily wasn’t going to pay the rent due on october 1st but will pay the rent due on November 1st and december 1st plus the last few days into december. she has yet to send sarah any money and we’re all scraping our pockets at this point to cover this random change in how much we’re paying

i’m not asking for legal advice. i know legally all we really can do is take her to civil court since the lease states we’re all responsible for paying on time regardless of drama or anything that happens between us. i’m asking for advice on what to do on a personal level

I (f24) have three roommates (m22, m25 called "X", f24). Since before I moved in, there have always been problem with X never cleaning his fair share. In the past, he even said that he doesn't see himself responsible for cleaning at all.

I.e., since I moved in a year ago he has cleaned no more than three or four times total (not the wohle flat, just one area each).

However, he expects us to accept him pregaming on a regular basis and then leaving the kitchen and living room trashed the whole next day. When I confronted him about it, he said "Well, we're just uni students." He leaves trash out for days but, when asked about it, says "the way you talk go me about makes me want to not clean up at all".

After several talks, we - once again - implemented a cleaning plan a couple of weeks ago. Of course, X did not clean some of the most important areas of his assigned room (which was completely filthy) at all but marked them "done" on the shared app. First, I asked nicely in the group chat to please remember the cleaning plan as the turn to clean the rooms was up. No reaction. The next day, I wrote "Hey X, when will you finish cleaning? We all need to be reliable when it comes to cleaning. If the arrangement isn't working, it is your responsibility to communicate that. But I am tired of you never cleaning and just hoping that noone will say anything."

His response:

"Yeah and it isn't good for the atmosphere if you come on here exposing me every day. You cant just expect me to cater to your needs from 0 to 60. Its no big deal if we just clean it less often"

I said

"'My needs' are the cleaning plan we talked about as a group. And '0 to 60' means you doing your assigned tasks, nothing more."

When we talked in person afterwards, he told me several times how I must communicate better or else he has no motivation to clean up. Also, I should just wait at least a day before asking him about cleaning up trash.

Fyi, me and the other roommates have no problems with each other at all and all of us do our share of the cleaning plan. However, they have kind of checked out when it comes to telling him to clean up but tell me they share my opinion. It has even gotten to the point where I ask my boyfriend whether my texts to him are okay to send as I feel like I'm walkung on egg shells.

I don't want to feel like I need to find the perfect emoji-to-friendly-sounding-text-ratio for him to act like an adult human being. It's just about cleaning up after you've used shared spaces and doing your part of the cleaning plan.

How on earth do you deal with that?

I (36M) have a roommate (31M) who cut off most people in his life about a year ago. He cut me off nine months ago and hasn't spoken to me since. For months, he worked and then shut himself in his room to play video games in the evenings. For the past 12 weeks, he's been unemployed by choice and has done virtually nothing but sleep and game. This is incredibly awkward feeling to me living with someone who doesn't interact with me.

He's always been someone who enjoys being around people and having conversations, although he's also protective of certain topics and avoids discussing things he doesn't want to talk about.

From October 2025 through January 2026, he still acted normally around me. Mutual acquaintances told me they hadn't heard from him since October. When I finally brought this up on January 26, he shut down and I had to push him to explain. He gave several reasons for withdrawing, primarily a health issue, but none seemed to justify cutting everyone off completely. After that conversation, he never spoke to me again.

Just before Christmas, he bought a gaming PC. He's always had intense fixations on hobbies, such as guitar, Muay Thai, and financial literacy, which he would either master or get bored of and drop for something new. I assumed gaming would be another passing interest, but this time he isolated himself completely, spending hours playing an online FPS without interacting with anyone outside the game.

He rejected attempts to reach him, including one from someone he used to think highly of. He stopped helping around the house and eating properly. Since he still paid rent (he pays more than required) and wasn't causing problems, I gave him space.

At the end of July, his work van disappeared and he stopped leaving the house. After two weeks, I contacted his mom. His stepdad visited and walked with him for an hour. I was told he wasn't considered a risk to himself or others and had quit work because he needed time to rest. His family said they'd try to help.

Nine weeks later and he was still unemployed hardly leaving the house. He began getting food delivered but frequently left the food uneaten until it spoiled. Sometimes leaving a completely unopened bag of food on the counter unrefrigerated until it got cold or warming something in the microwave and I would find it the next time I needed to use the microwave and it was cold (if you know anything about food safety, it's no longer safe to eat). I don't know if it was absentmindedness and being so engrossed in his game he lost track of time or he's actually losing his mind. I eventually threw away nearly two trash bags of expired food because there was no room left for my food in the fridge. The last 2-3 weeks he barely orders any food. He eats on a Taco Bell order over the course of a week and some days just doesn't eat anything that comes from the kitchen, so he may have less perishable food in his room. I haven't seen him in person in a long time, and I'm concerned about his physical condition. As of now the last time he left the house was September 23 and before that it was like five weeks prior.

He gets almost no sunlight or exercise, eats poorly, and has virtually no social interaction outside gaming. I own the house and rent him a room cheaply, which allows him to continue living this way without needing to work. I feel like I'm just enabling this behavior by allowing him to continue living here. He's at the very least got to be trying to avoid real life for some reason and create his own world where his real life problems don't exist by gaming and only talking with the people in the game who have no personal connection to him and they are much easier to dump if he is offended by them.

Much of the time he does basically nothing to help out, but then at times he shows that he hasn't completely given up and will collect the dishes he accumulates in his room (I shudder to think what his room looks like) and run them through the dishwasher or actually take out the full trash bag. I left him a note once because his car's registration was five months expired and the city will tow your vehicle for that, especially considering the fact that it hadn't driven in over a month so it actually looked abandoned. It took him a week to get around to it, but he finally did.

I'm starting to think he needs to move out. Living alone would be more expensive for him, and his parents might not let him spend his days gaming if he lived with them. Perhaps having to leave would force him to get a job and reengage with life. But he used to be my friend, and I don't want to hurt him. At the same time, I'm exhausted from living with someone who wants nothing to do with me. It's affecting my mental health.

His family seems to be the only people who might reach him, but they've repeatedly promised to visit and then failed to follow through. After I told his mom I was considering asking him to move out, she finally came by on October 10. Apparently, he was trying to sleep, and she said they'd arrange another time to talk. I told her he's probably just trying to push her away and he has no intention of actually following up and she needs to come back if he doesn't respond. His mom told me she was terrified of the idea of him ending up homeless as a way to tell me not to tell him to move out, but in all reality, he has the option to move in with them probably for free and if he chooses homelessness that's his choice. A couple of hours after she left, he was gaming again. I updated her, but she never followed up, and he still hasn't left the house. I really wanted her to actually come back and bother him again, but her lack of willingness to do that makes me feel like they aren't really wanting to help him that much.

I'm at a loss. I don't want to abandon someone who may be struggling, but I also don't think enabling this situation is helping him. He won't talk to me so I can't really help him if he is struggling anyway. I know at the end of the day he is an adult and he is allowed to make a bad decision like choosing to be homeless just as he has with choosing to be unemployed and wasting his life on video games. How would you approach this? Would you give his family another chance to intervene, or is it time to ask him to move out?

I need outside perspective on my current situation.

TLDR: Fundamentals of living with a family member that isnt as tidy as us. and how to go about it.

My husband and I recently bought out first place.
We are renting a room out to a family member and there is a bit of discourse between us and them and I want to see what some other people think.
Here’s the situation.
My husband and I are SUPER tidy, we clean up immediately after dinner and keep a nice place.
Now our family member lives with us and continually leaves dishes in the sink, and places recycling on top on the garbage can when we have dedicated recycling boxes for both cardboard and plastics right outside the front door.
While leaving dishes in the sink for a bit doesn’t bother us, it’s when they are left in the sink overnight and through the next day. When my husband and I come home from work, a few hours before they do, we have to clean these dishes us before we can make our dinner.
We have tried to be nice about it. We have reminded them many many times to please just make sure you leave the kitchen as you walked into it. And nothing is changing.
Another thing is being on the phone with everyone else around on SPEAKER PHONE in the middle of the day and then getting mad when we turn the tv up to hear what we are watching.
I feel like this is just fundamentally an mis match in living together. But also family member is young and maybe doesn’t understand how to cohabitate with others.
They say they don’t feel comfortable in our place because we continually ask to have things cleaned up after using communal space. Which we wouldn’t have to do if it was just done?
Is this an over reaction on our part? Or is this just disrespect on their part?

TLDR: roommate had friends over, talked shit about me loudly for hours and attempted to enter my room. Staff took her side and say it was just a misunderstanding.

Hi everyone, im on mobile and its late at night and this just happened over the span of 4-5 hours

Im 21f and i live with my roommate 21f. We live in a housing program together(dont want to get into too much detail) We dont really talk to eachother, and ive had problems with her stealing my stuff in the past which i have confronted her about and told the staff about. it has stopped for now.

Today she brought 4-5 friends over to the apartment which i saw when i got home from work. I went right to my room and took a quick shower and went right back to my room after. Her friends then proceeded to very loudly talk shit about me, mess with what little i had in the common area. bang furniture, leave a huge mess and attempt to barge into my room (my door was locked from the inside), as well as slamming doors everytime they went in and out of the apartment. When they attempted to enter my room i told staff but they didnt respond until over an hour later, by that time they had all left and my roommate had left as well. I talked to the staff member and told her how i felt unsafe and she said she will make a report.

Im not sure how i should proceed from here,should i try to transfer to a different unit if possible? Any advice is appreciated

UPDATE: so i spoke to staff and they are saying its a misunderstanding. Apparently one of her friends thought my room was the bathroom which i highly doubt since we leave the bathroom door open when its not in use + my room is past the bathroom door. Basically its my word against hers and they are taking her side it seems. I heard exactly what they were saying about me for hours on end and if it really was the bathroom why would they say "she fucking locked her door." Im still looking into other housing options

TL;DR ive been accused of stealing, I feel uncomfortable living here, I dont know how to navigate this conflict. should I go to an RA, talk to them, or move out?

Ok so we've been living with each other for about a month, and pretty much yesterday I got accused of stealing food + a hairspray.

its 3 girls, we all have our own bedroom, nobody moved into the fourth bedroom so I have my own bathroom and the other 2 girls share one. Pretty much, yesterday morning I was getting ready and was about to leave when my suite mate came out and asked if I had seen her hairspray. I hadn't, so I told her no, and offered to check my own spaces just in case if I had grabbed it by accident and just to double check. Confirmed I didn't have it and left for class, but left my door unlocked and said she's welcome to check my spaces herself just in case.

She sends a text in a shared gc while im in class saying that her stuffs going missing and she feels like she's going crazy, I ask if its about the hairspray. she confirms that and then adds her cookie mix went missing. that was my bad, I confused it for my own so I apologized and replaced it on my way back home. Then my other suite mate says she's noticed someone has been eating her own food, she doesn't mind sharing but to just ask.
I then reply with "yes ofc ill replace the cookie mix thats my bad im really sorry". but I haven't touched anything else. ive bought ice cream once and I meal prep for the week, I have pre made meals, I dont eat deep fried food, I eat rice and ground beef and sometimes pasta. So I know it couldn't have been me.

I later come back from class, I go to take a nap, she knocks at my door for around 5 ish minutes repeatedly and loudly. When I answer, she says she knows I have it and she just wants it back. I dont have it, and if I did I would just give it back at this point, and I offer again for her to check my room + my bathroom if she doesn't believe me. she clearly doesn't believe me but says "no.. its okay.." and walks back to her room. now I feel a bit more uncomfortable but whatever, I dont have her hairspray and I wish her luck in finding it and I take my nap.

today I go to class, I get home a bit early, im having a really rough day and I go to use the bathroom and they start loudly yelling. The girl who's food has been going missing gets upset because her box of garlic knots were opened, and the hairspray girl loudly says "I wish I had my hairspray" and they start talking to each other obviously hinting that im doing this.

I honestly have not touched or grabbed any of their things, the time I did I apologized and replaced it. Even in the past, I bought hair extensions and asked for permission + advice on how to restore them, I didn't have a hair straightener and I asked my suit mate if it was ok to use hers, one said no the other said yes. I noticed some ground beef was going bad in the freezer and I didn't want it to go to waste, so I offered to use my pasta and make Alfredo with ground beef to which she said no, offered the food regardless and I didn't end up taking it.

I just feel like there no benefit of the doubt and there's sort of ganging up on me. since then, they sent these texts to the group chat:

T: plzzz stop touching my stuff please there should be no reason my garlic bread is open. Half the stuff in here isn't mine its meal prep for my boyfriend this is starting to irritate me with noe of this asking shit and im trying to not be conforntational
C: yeah next thing to come up missing....
T: and its like I dont want to take it to the RA's or anything so can we please just get it together

Its just really obviously directed at me and they're both insinuating im stealing, and I get that its frustrating but stuff goes missing all the time, and there's no way to even prove im innocent at this point. and I feel genuinely so uncomfortable to where I dont want to stay here anymore.
Ive already packed some of my things and im gonna stay with a friend for the weekend, just bare necessities for now and ill return to campus to go to class. it just feels like they're very obviously being passive-aggressive, I dont know what to do, ive already said I haven't taken or touched their things, and at this point I dont know what to do.
Should I just go to an RA myself and explain the situation? I dont even stay at this apartment often, my bf has his own place and I have class all morning, evening, I work, and im doing extracurriculars in a lab, so im barely here. I come back to sleep + eat, Fridays I go to his place and I stay there from Friday evening to Monday at noon.
im really only here from either Monday/Tuesday to Thursday evening/friday evening.

TL;DR: My roommate’s new fling is over constantly despite them only dating for six weeks. His visits create extra dishes in the sink, he takes up space in the fridge, trash, and noise, and she’s pushing for at least 2–3 sleepovers a week in our tiny 2BR/1BA apartment. She accused me of being inflexible when I raised concerns about weeknight noise, bathroom access, and privacy, despite initially agreeing to alternate apartments. I pay half the rent and didn’t sign up for a third roommate. Tonight is their first weeknight sleepover and they’re loudly watching a Dodger’s game in the living room while I have a migraine. He works remotely so he doesn’t have to wake up early to head to the office like I do. If he’s hogging the bathroom tomorrow morning I’ll be extremely annoyed. This isn’t their honeymoon suite. Being dickmatized doesn’t justify being self-centered and inconsiderate. They both earn 6 figure salaries so “the economy” isn’t an excuse for only playing house but they order a ton of takeout and create extra waste.

My roommate is upset cause she doesn't believe i am vacuuming once a week (I am) and although she leaves out stuff too, its a problem that I do it. The smell of cat pee is so bad in the living room that I can't sit in there without my eyes watering. They're her cats, yet somehow my cleanliness is the problem even though our apartment smells like a farm.

TLDR; I'm uncomfortable with how sexual and nude my housemate is in communal and shared spaces.

I (19f) am on Erasmus and live with 3 other girls. One of my housemates has only male friends, which is fine, but she has guys stay over all the time.

She thought everyone was away one weekend and had a guy over, I came home after a day trip to her and a guy naked on the couch in the living area. Tonight she had another guy over, I left my room to use the bathroom and get a snack and she again, was performing sexual acts on the couch in the living area.

I've also woken up multiple times to a random man asleep on the couch while getting ready for university. Or to a man leaving our shared bathroom. I just think it's so unfair for her to use communal areas in that way, and to not inform me when someone else will be in my personal space. The bathroom is not just hers.

She also never locks the bathroom door which constantly leads to me accidentally walking in while she's on the toilet or showering. And one morning she came home at 6am. I woke at 7:30 to use the bathroom and get ready for uni. I opened my bedroom door and she was just standing fully naked in our bathroom with the door wide open. (My room is directly across from our bathroom)

We are both from different countries and have different cultures, but I'm so sick of how openly nude and sexual she and another housemate are. Like if you're comfortable being nude, good for you. You don't need to subject me to your nudeness too.

It's incredibly uncomfortable to live in a house where you don't know whether you can leave your room without being basically sexually harassed (flashed).

I also have absolutely no idea how to bring this up with her because I don't want to make her feel bad because other than this, she is absolutely lovely. But it's getting to a point where I'm just going to snap one day and get really angry.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

TL;DR: My roommate’s new boyfriend is over constantly despite them only dating for six weeks. His visits create extra dishes, trash, and noise, and she’s pushing for 2–3 sleepovers a week in our tiny 2BR/1BA apartment. She accused me of being inflexible when I raised concerns about weeknight noise, bathroom access, and privacy, despite initially agreeing to alternate apartments. I pay half the rent (half my paycheck too) and didn’t sign up for a third roommate.

(27F) I share a small 2BR/1BA apartment with another woman. She met her boyfriend on Hinge in late August, and they’ve been playing house for the past month despite only becoming official this past Saturday.

Their first sleepover on September 25 turned into two nights because he wanted to stay an extra night “just cause.” Since then, he’s been over frequently watching TV, having sex, taking up space in the fridge, and generating extra dirty dishes and trash. I’ve never seen him clean up after himself so they clearly think this place is a honeymoon suite at the 4 Seasons.

My roommate previously lived alone for several years and insists that 2–3 weekly sleepovers are normal when she’s dating someone. When I expressed concerns about noise, thin walls, and sharing ONE bathroom, she accused me of being inflexible.

She initially agreed to discuss alternating apartments but now makes excuses for why he HAS to stay here. He lives in Williamsburg with roommates, while we’re in Park Slope. Apparently, his living situation is inconvenient, so I’m expected to accommodate him instead.

Weekend sleepovers are more tolerable because I don’t have to rush to get ready for work. But tonight is their first weeknight sleepover, and they’re loudly watching baseball and laughing while I have a migraine and two work assignments starting at 9 a.m. tomorrow.

He works remotely, so I’m also concerned he’ll eventually start bringing his laptop and spending entire workdays here. I didn’t sign up for a third roommate who doesn’t pay rent or contribute to household chores.

I’m not opposed to occasional overnight guests, but I pay half the rent and deserve reasonable quiet, privacy, and access to our only bathroom. She bought him a toothbrush after their second date like she did with her last situationship back in June. I’m not slut-shaming anyone but being dickmatized doesn’t give you a right to be self-centered and inconsiderate.

I’ll never understand why she does this but it freaks me out a little - she stares into my soul whenever I open my eyes, whether I wake up in the middle of the night or wake up in the morning or even wake up from a nap for that matter, I always find her staring at me from her bed, she preemptively thinks of her next move by mapping my movements and before my feet can even hit the ground, she runs into the washroom and locks herself in so I can’t use it and start my day. She’s horrifyingly gross and has very many weird habits but this one stood out! I’ll be moving out tomorrow so I don’t have to share my space with this freak but please help me understand why someone would behave this way.

I just got two weeks ago my first rental room for uni, and I share a house with three other girls, all in our twenties.

This one girl, we'll call her Cee, acts absolutely insane after sunset especially, and completely normal during the day, aside from being really avoidant of communication with us.

It all started when i just arrived, and after my first night in the house she complained with me about talking with my friends and singing late at night. The fact is, i was sound asleep from 9pm. But this i only one weird thing, right? WRONG.

After a couple of days, Cee started to move furniture at 2am, and violently slamming every door so much that the walls trembled. The first time this happened, i was alone with her so i got up to kindly ask her to stop. She looked at me for three seconds, and then slammed the door on my face. I got a glimpse of her room, and it is basically a dark dumpster.

Last night, it got from weird, to rude, to really creepy.

At around 11pm, Cee started to loudly (EXTREMELY loudly) scream in her room. She was speaking a language i don't know, so i didn't get what she was screaming about, but she kept going on non stop for two hours straight. No one was in her room but her, and the monologue was so intense i don't think someone could've replied to her if she was on the phone.

Then, she started to loudly cry, absolutely wailing. For some nerd similarity, she sounded exactly like those wailing zombies in the videogame The Last of Us, alternating this loud lament with sudden screaming. After she was done, she put on some audio of really weird noises, like cars being crashed mixed with random animal noises. The other girls and I were terrified, texting about what to do but ultimately being too scared to confront Cee.

This morning, the neighbours stopped me outside to complain, and then told me that after the first complaint about the singing, Cee was constantly giving false accusations about them making noise to the landlord. Furthermore, they told me they can't open the windows since she smokes weed at every hour on their shared terrace.

We're absolutely terrified to confront her, and the landlord keeps making excuses to delay an intervention.

If anyone has advice or explanations of the behaviour, it would be much appreciated, but this is basically just a vent post.

Last post had some issues so reuploading with more context.

TL;DR: My housemate is repeatedly naked in communal areas, has sex on our couch, doesn't lock the bathroom door, and brings guys over without warning. I keep walking into these situations unexpectedly and feel uncomfortable in my own home. Am I overreacting?

I (19f) am living in a shared apartment with other girls, and one of my housemates has repeatedly made me really uncomfortable with her behaviour in our communal spaces.

There have been several instances now, and I'm starting to feel like I can't even comfortably use the shared areas in my own home.

The first time, I came home from a day trip and found her sitting completely naked on the couch with a guy. Tonight, I got up to use the bathroom and grab a snack, only to find her having sex with a guy on the living room couch.

Another incident happened the other morning when I was getting up to get ready for university. There are two bathrooms in the house and I share one bathroom with her. Mind you, it was 7am, but I walked out of my room to use the bathroom before heading to college and found her standing there completely naked with the bathroom door wide open. She never locks the bathroom door when she's using it either, so I end up accidentally walking in on her and then it's all awkward and I feel bad even though she should just lock the door. But I was literally just trying to get ready and leave for university, not expecting to see my housemate naked first thing in the morning.

It's not just the nudity itself. It's the fact that I keep unexpectedly walking into these situations in spaces we're all supposed to share. She also has guys over without telling anyone, so I'll wake up or come out of my room and find random men asleep on our couch or using our shared bathroom without having any idea that someone else is even in the apartment.

I understand that it's her home too, and I'm not trying to dictate what she does in her own bedroom or who she sleeps with. But surely there's a difference between doing what you want in your private space and repeatedly exposing your housemates to nudity and sex in communal areas without warning?

I don't want to feel like I need to mentally prepare myself to walk into something uncomfortable every time I leave my bedroom. I should be able to go to the kitchen for a snack, use the bathroom, or get ready for university without worrying about being sexually harassed (flashed).

I also feel like locking the bathroom door when you're using it is just basic consideration when you're living with other people. And I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some communication when guests are coming over, especially when they're staying in the shared living room.

Am I being unreasonable for finding all of this uncomfortable? Would you say something to her, and if so, how would you approach it without creating unnecessary tension? I've absolutely no idea what to say. I don't want to hurt her feelings because aside from these issues, she's lovely.

Any advice is much appreciated.

Hi, i (17) share a room and a bathroom with 2 other people. One of them is nice and compatible with me but the other one (22) is so unhygienic and grosses me out.

This is the first time in sharing rooms with a stranger so I'm not sure if this is normal or not, but she leaves brown stains in the toilet+doesn't flush sometimes and it STINKS. She doesn't clean after herself. The bathroom is really tiny so the shower are and the toilet are quite close which makes this even worse. Mind you she is 22 years old. She is not 2, she is fully capable of cleaning after herself but doesn't. We all throw out used pads right outside in the outside dustbin but my roomate doesn't close that door when she comes in or leaves so a dog comes in and it chews up every piece of trash including the used pads and it's everywhere and very gross

She sheds hair EVERYWHERE, but never picks it up. The shower drains are clogged so much because there's a buttload of hair on top. Whenever I come back from college, there's heaps of hair sitting on my bed because she brushes her hair I'm front of the mirror near my bed, it grosses me out so much I could cry. Theres so many hairballs in the store room where my cupboard and all out suitcases and luggage is but she doesn't clean it up.

I have never seen her do anything productive or studying or doing anything except either grinning at her phone or speaking with someone over the phone and SCREAMING at them. She is so loud it's becoming a nuisance to me. She's talking on the phone and screaming at and fighting with her friends over the phone from 1pm to 1am and she does it all inside the room on her bed, our beds are like 30 cms apart. She screams so much even my noise cancellation headphones don't cut out her noise.

Sometimes, while studying I use my laptop, she gets up and closes my laptop and takes it out the door and tells me she will wash it unprompted. It would have been funny but she does the same thing every single day and it's pissing me off. She thinks it's super funny to pretend scream at me whole opening the door so that all the other flat people hear her and get concerned.

I have to live in this room for 4 more months. I want out I can't do this.

so i (22f) found this place through a facetime tour since i was out of state, and it looked nice. my roommate (46f) told me she was recently divorced and starting a new chapter without a guy. the day before i moved in she told me my boyfriend could come over since hers (30m) would be over sometimes too, which was cool!

except it turned out he lives there. and my door doesn't have a lock. so i was uncomfortable pretty much the whole time. he's addicted to basically everything you can think of, and he always found a way to be out in the common areas whenever i was, telling me way too much personal stuff about my roommate. she ALSO would constantly tell me awful details about their sex life that i did not want to know at all, but that's a whole other subject.

fast forward about 3 months and she sends me a whole paragraph saying she should've never let my boyfriend come over and that it was causing problems in their relationship, so he was effectively banned. after that i had my boyfriend post in the roommates group for our city to help me look for a new room, and that made her BANG on my door and throw a bunch of insults at me and him. she said he "looked raggedy" and was probably a drug dealer. he's black, for context. she also said he wasn't a real man because he wasn't just paying for a hotel room for us to hang out in since he couldn't come over.

meanwhile her boyfriend cheats on her constantly and has gotten a girl pregnant since i moved in 5 months ago. but sure, MY boyfriend is the problem.
a while later she left the city for a month long job and left me alone with that same boyfriend with no warning. this man is a SLOB. i attached a pic of how he left the kitchen. he left a week later to "stay with her for a weekend" and it's now been a month and neither of them have come back. she also stopped paying for the internet so i had to buy my own plan.

they have 2 cats and 3 kittens that i've been taking care of for free this whole time. ANOTHER STORY, she had 2 cats, then took in another from a family member who moved somewhere that didn't allow cats. that cat regressed from the litterbox because the family member wasn't taking care of her, and my roommate said she didn't even want her. a few times i came home and the cat was locked outside. then that cat got pregnant, so now i have SEVEN cats to deal with while i try to rehome them, plus FIVE more that i want nothing to do with. i don't even want my own cats and all of this is getting so frustrating.

oh and she let my boyfriend come over for a few days since nobody was here, then said he had to stop again because "it has caused me and him to have problems."

the thing is, there's no lease so I can honestly leave whenever, but it's $700 with utilities (wifi was supposed to be included, we know how that went), a 5 minute drive from my work, and a pretty big bedroom. i don't know where else in this city i'd find that. it was honestly nice for a while with them gone but i’m getting so fatigued with 12 cats and knowing that soon theyll come back and i’ll have to deal with not only her but her boyfriend again.

tldr: my roommate (46f) banned my black boyfriend from the apartment, called him "raggedy" and a drug dealer, then left for a month with no warning and stuck me with her slob boyfriend, her unpaid wifi, and a bunch of cats.

I'm at wits end here. I'm venting because I don't know what else to do at this point. To protect the innocent (and not so innocent) I'm going to change a few names here.

Back in 2023, Bob was in his apartment and the landlord had drastically increased rent so he needed to move out. He was supposed to get a place with his girlfriend, Jane, but instead of looking at new places, they kept getting into fights and arguing and screaming and not finding anywhere to stay. They eventually went to stay in Jane's previous place with her ex. He was in a position where he had to move and I was the best option he had available so he crashed on my couch. I told him it was going to be just until he could get back on his feet. I really should have clarified on that. I had been willing to get a two bedroom place with him, but the longer this continues, the less and less likely I am to do that.

Shortly after moving in with me, he knew he needed a job that paid well enough to cover his own place so he wouldn't be able to just work a minimum wage, fast food type job so he got a decent industrial job. Not bad. Then he started dating Nancy, a neighbor of mine. Then he started using his free time to hang out with Nancy, with her friends, and her friends got him into something else he wasn't really into before: weed. So, from here on, weed became a daily thing for him. This became a problem later.

Later on, Nancy's friends rejected him, Nancy dumped him for someone else and she got their mutual social group to reject him. He started raging at her and at the group and would throw fits in the middle of the day or night for no reason except that they pissed him off. He put two holes in my bathroom wall from getting angry at them all. But Nancy was still my neighbor and he was still in conflict with her and he frequently tried to start shit with her until, finally, he got some horse urine(how?), threw it onto her car and she called the police. She got out of there, Bob started calming down, but he was still smoking weed on a daily basis.

Next problem: his car was an old, beat up thing, starting to fall apart and he wasn't taking care of it like he should. One night, it just wouldn't start. Great. So I had to start driving him to work until he could get it fixed. Two weeks I had to wake up two hours early, drive him to work, get home and then get ready for work myself. I suppose I should be grateful that he found a coworker that could drive him home until he got his car fixed. Ok, so, now he should be able to stabilize things, right? Wrong.

Next, he had a medical emergency at work. Won't go into details, but it did involve him having to go to the hospital and as part of his trip to the hospital, they had to do a drug test. Weed might be legal here, but that doesn't mean employers can't fire you for it. Now he lost that job. Great. Found a new job, but it was a fast food crew job where he worked like 30-35 hrs a week at $10/hr or less.

Around that time, he got an inheritance and used almost all of it on a used car. I was able to convince him to use some of it to get job training but another problem came up: Jane returns. Remember Jane, who went back to her ex and the ex was shitty to Bob? Well, she left the ex (claimed abuse, but I have questions), got a very cheap apartment and befriended Bob again. Jane even said she would go into job training with Bob, but never followed through. Her car died before too long, so it was hard for her to do very much but she managed to get a Walmart job to cover basic necessities. Bob drove her around everywhere. He got his job training done and I tried to encourage him to use it to get a job that pays well enough for him to get his own place. He insisted it looked better if he had a stable job history so he refused to quit his current job.

Eventually, I pushed him to get that new job, right around the time the fast food job started cutting hours for the crew and I pointed out he wasn't going to get paid enough to cover basic bills like gas or phone. So, finally, he got a better job. Wasn't like he was going to be able to be so rich he would never have to worry about money again, but he would be able to move out. But...... instead of focusing on getting a place, he spent all his free time taking care of Jane, driving her around, running errands for her and being an emotional punching bag with her. He was eventually so tired and stressed from dealing with her that he lost his job. Fortunately, he was able to get a new one but he was still dealing with Jane. This is when I put my foot down and told him he has a time limit to leave. So finally, he started finding a new place.... but he insisted on getting a place with Jane. Which made it take longer because Jane was really dragging her feet, not being able to find things like a paycheck stub or a photo ID or something. She only went along when she found out her current apartment was about to be demolished. But, finally, Bob was gone. BIg relief for me.

Except Jane didn't want him to move his stuff in. Another problem with Bob: he's a bit of a hoarder. Not as bad as the ones you see on TV, but he has issues and it's hard for most people to deal with a lot of the clutter. Lots of books and he's also talented in art so he has lots of art supplies and paintings he's done and sketchbooks and stuff like that. Might look good, but when you consider the sheer space it takes up, there's a problem. Jane didn't want to deal with the problem, so I still had the problem.

When he moved out, I was delighted to have my place back to myself and decided to eat some cupcakes he had in the freezer. Wasnt until after I ate them I found out they were "special" cupcakes. He smoked weed daily and one cupcake was enough to get him wasted and I ate four of them and I never smoke so it had me messed up. I was surprised I was able to get to and from work for the next couple of days. I was tempted to call in (maybe I should have).

But now he's gone. Problem solved, right? Nope.

See, Jane only got worse, more dramatic, angrier, and he kept calling me on an almost daily basis to throw me into the middle of their arguments. Jane has a drinking problem and seemed to drink daily. And drinking made her angry and she took the anger out on Bob. Bob wasn't good at just ignoring it, or just going to his room and shutting the door or just going out and doing something else. Her drama had cost him another job so he went back to another fast food job and that's when Jane started getting more and more upset at him for not making enough money to pay his half the bills, but she still had him driving her everywhere because she had no car. Bob continued to come over to my place in the evenings, stay there for a while, usually until I was ready for bed.

Then shit hit the fan with Jane. She got drunk, found out about an old warrant for an old unpaid ticket he had. She called the police and had him arrested. The next day, she went and got a restraining order against him, making some ridiculous claims (a few of which I know are lies ). So Bob got kicked out of his apartment and he still only had a fastfood job. That was in April of 2026. I told him he could stay with me on a very temporary basis. This was in April of 2026; he's still not gone. He had to get the warrant taken care of so that he could get a better paying job. Which took a while because fast food doesn't pay enough to have extra income.

As of now, he has that warrant taken care of, he can get a better job but he doesn't want to put in job applications or quit his fast food job. I'm at the point where I'm just about beyond pissed and ready to just kick him to the curb. I'm starting to find that the only thing that will get him to take this stuff seriously is when I tell him he's going to need to go to the homeless shelter and maybe that needs to be the threat I keep holding over him. Don't like it, but if that's the only thing that works, what choice do I have?

More problems about living with Bob: Remember I mentioned his hoarding? The fridge. Before he came to stay with me, the refrigerator was clean and organized and easy to work with. Then he moved in, he wanted to get lots of extra sauces and keep lots of extra fresh veggies in there and get all this, that and the other, and now it's a big, cluttered mess. I would keep leftovers in the fridge for a day or two, but now? Now they might stay in there months. And by "leftovers" I don't mean there's a couple extra porkchops with dinner; I mean we're having taco night, there's a half a handful of lettuce, 3 pieces or diced tomato, half a spoonful of guacamole left and he demands we save it so he can eat it later. Of course, he doesn't eat it later; he lets it stay in the tupperware for months until he starts complaining that we don't have any tupperware that he can find. He actually did this a while ago so I reached into the refrigerator, pulled out 8 tupperware containers that he demanded we save and pointed them out to him. He said he would stop doing that, but...... it's starting slowly again.

Also, nights, I like them to be quiet and peaceful. Not Bob. I get up to use the bathroom at like 2 or 3 am and he's still in the living room, watching TV, all the lights on, complaining that he's just not tired. This is an every day thing for him. Me, I like to enjoy my mornings by waking up around 7 or 8, feeding the cats and sitting on the couch to watch TV by myself. I can't do that now because by the time 7 rolls around, Bob is asleep on the couch, probably having fallen asleep just 4 hours ago.

Ugh. I'm just at wits end here. I just want my apartment back. I want to have nice quiet mornings to myself without having a giant mooch taking my couch. I want nights to be dark, quiet and peaceful instead of half the lights on because someone can't sleep. I want to be able to ditch so much of this clutter and reorganize my apartment. I want to clear out my refrigerator so I know what's in there and where it is and I don't constantly have to worry about some weird, exotic spice or 2 month old sauce that he forgot to throw out.

TL/DR: My roommates don't lock the door in a high crime area and IDK what to do.

I have 3 roommates. we are all women. Our apartment was robbed just a couple months ago. Someone hopped onto our balcony and stole one of my roommate's scooter. there is a lot of crime that happens in this area. there are always break-ins. We have a big ass sign on the door in red that reminds us to lock the door. AND STILL! THE DOOR IS ROUTINELY UNLOCKED!!!! AND IT MAKES ME FEEL UNSAFE!

It just makes me wonder where these people grew up. Did they grow up in a neighborhood where you could leave the door unlocked and have the kids playing in the front yard or some shit? Where does this carelessness come from? And also, does the fact that we're women not play into this at all? During my childhood I was given a bunch of safety lessons all the time, and constantly was told about how unsafe the world can be, and I know a lot of my girlfriends had the same experience growing up. In my perspective, men my age have been a bit more careless with keeping their doors locked and windows closed, but its probably because they tend to feel more safe from things like burglaries. Maybe this is just my observations with the people in my circle, but I assume women are socialized to be more precarious about these things. So it is making me scratch my head. Do my roommates think they're invincible or something?

I also don't think there's a charitable explanation for not locking the door. If there is crime routinely happening in the area, you are putting your roommates in danger if you don't lock the door. Yeah, forgetting happens. But IDK. I have ADHD which is the disorder that causes this forgetful behavior, and I still don't let myself forget this important step. I create accommodations for myself by keeping my keys in a visible place by the door. I still lose them sometimes but I take time to find them and never forget to lock the door. Even if I'm just going to throw the trash out. My roommates do not have ADHD either.

I stopped storing expensive shit in the common areas because someone could just walk into my apartment and steal stuff. We send reminder texts in the group chat whenever we notice its unlocked but I think that one of my roommates thinks we are overreacting or something. Do you guys have any advice for this other than just me going to check if the door is locked every morning and night? That would be bad for my mental health as it would quickly devolve into a compulsive behavior because unfortunately my brain likes punishing me. We can't change the doorknobs or install any type of self locking thing to the door - I already checked my lease ;-;

Posted this on a trans specific subreddit twice and it got taken down and I got accused of transphobia several times. Which I literally wanted to avoid debates in the first place which is why it was posted there. Anyways any transphobic comments will be ignored because this is a management and her issue, not an issue with her actually being trans.

My second post there:

“Okay well I had just worked a 12 hour shift and apparently missed additional context on my last post so here’s that

Original post: ’I got a new roommate a little while ago. For context, me and my other roommate are both genderqueer in some way or another but this is technically a women’s dorm. New roommate is trans and I genuinely don’t give a fuck what she is or isn’t because it shouldn’t affect me. What does affect me is how disgusting she is when it comes to hygiene and she’s just kind of a bitch. I reported her to management for biohazard behavior last week. I think both management and her might be taking my complaints as transphobia?? I‘m genderfluid but feminine presenting so if anyone has advice on how to get them to take me seriously that’d be deeply appreciated.

TLDR: How to appropriately complain about trans roommate’

-I do think my management is assuming it’s transphobia because of the way they responded when I talked to them (before reporting)

-management gave advice and then once I name dropped they full shifted and dismised everything I said

-obviously I talked to her about this several times, I let more slide than I should have

-I wanted some level of privacy so I didn’t include every detail

-the biohazards are genuine biohazards (ie: shit on the rug and then flipped it so it couldn’t be seen, blood everywhere without cleaning it up, urine on top of the toilet somehow.)

-I posted this here instead of a different sub because I wanted to avoid people being assholes

-no I don’t want her evicted, I just want to be able to live in my home without her being disrespectful to there being other people in the house

-there’s additional things she’s done but those are some of the more severe, I’d really rather her not see me posting about her because it’s rude and I respect her privacy

Edit: I could have phrased things better but I work graveyard shifts and I’m exhausted, cut me some slack”

Edit because yall want the poop pic, I could’ve taken a better one but it was 1am cut me some slack.

TL;DR My bfs roommates gf stays at their place every single day, despite having her own place that her parents pay for in the SAME COMPLEX. She's started filling the apartment with her things, and now has a whole dog living there without even asking if it was ok.

My 20F Bf 21M Lives with two of his friends that he's known for several years. One of them, has a gf that NEVER leaves. She has her own apartment that her parents are paying for, that's IN THE SAME COMPLEX.

I want to start this out by saying I spend 2 nights MAX at my bfs apartment per week, and I get along with his roommates fine.

the gf (Sarah) and my bfs roommate (John) didn't live close when they started dating, she moved into their complex to be even closer to him, but she has spent every single night over at theirs since they moved in to this new place over a year ago. Over the summer, no one lived at their place except John, and she stayed the ENTIRE summer. When we returned from summer break, and I came over, her shit was everywhere. She has her food all in the fridge, Tupperware overflowing the cabinets, and a fucking TREADMILL in the living room??

The worst part about this is she isn't friendly. She dislikes me very much, because I'm not religious, or maga and has made it pretty clear, so every single time I'm over, she's just there giving me looks.

This was my final straw: She's taking care of a service puppy for an entire year as part of her vet school program. Can you take a solid guess at to where it lives? The apartment doesn't even allow pets, unless authorized, and this is a BIG DOG. It barks, and chews shit up. Im really shocked no one has the balls in that apartment to say anything to her.

This may be terrible, but I'm considering anonymously telling her parents that they're paying 1.5k a month for her to not even stay at her place. My bf is a very calm, carefree dude and saw no issue with any of this until I brought all of this up and was like "Dont you think this is kind of weird???" and now he's sharing the same opinion, that yeah this is fucking weird and she should learn to be independent because she is deadass there every single day, even when John isn't there.

This semester I decided to room with a friend and her and I are pretty awkward people so saying something kinda feels weird. Anyways our dorm did not come with a trash can so i bought a cheap one from Ikea and I thought it was common sense for us to each take turns taking the trash out. Well we’re almost half way through the semester and she took the trash out maybe once and I feel like a live in maid in the room sometimes. Usually I take the trash out on Sundays but I am at the point of just letting the trash sit there until she takes it out and a majority of the trash is hers anyways. You can kinda tell because all her empty milk bottles are just piling up and I don’t drink milk. Also our room is pretty small and there’s not a lot of storage, so my roommate would have a habit of leaving her shoes in front of our shared closet and on many occasions I have tripped on her shoes. I tried to scooch her shoes back to her side a little more but I feel it is not working and I still ended up tripping.

She leaves a pile of clothes on her bed while getting ready and the bra she wears everyday without washing (for dorm and night time) stinks when she leaves it and changes to the other bra. Its sickly sweet. Mixed perfume. But it makes me nauseous because you can smell the sourness too.

When she spills water she doesn’t wipe it off and says it’ll dry anyway. I keep forgetting and stepping on it. She leaves her dishes on the shared space dirty over night and for days. Im worried about rats coming.

Everything is everywhere and I dont wanna clean her mess. After bathroom if its a 💩 I always see residue. Every time she goes.

Shes a sweet girl who also appear clean but some habits she didn’t inherit I think. Like not wearing the same bra for weeks on end until it reeks. I sprayed some of her body mist over it to cover the smell I hope she doesn’t notice.

What can I do? I told her to not leave dishes overnight and she only did it one time.

I have a roommate. I was initially living on my own had to get another roommate to save up. I was initially excited because i thought it'll be nice to have company. I did not take anything other than rent and 1/4 of the security deposit.

She has been using all my utensils, she used to keep them extremely untidily.. to a point that every day i used to come back from office to an untidy kitchen... I tried to adjust and not complain as much as i could, however she kept on doing it. She barely participates in household activities. I have to coordinate and manage everything.

A recent instance i would like to mention is that we recently had a short circuit in our house. I coordinated for everything electrician, Aquaguard everything...she has more flexible hours I checked with her before booking called and confirmed on the day as well and she said yes and then up and left for some work thing. The Aquaguard guy started screaming at me. I had to come from office and handle everything. We also had to replace fans. All she has to do was be there and let me know a time she is available. She offered to coordinate asked for a number then just did not do anything about it. I had to finally get him to come and my landlady to look after it.

This is one of many such instances.

I have been beyond frustrated i genuinely don't know if I am asking too much. I am a bit particular about things but it's so frustrating I am trying to be as understanding as possible but i really do not know what to do.

She's not a bad person but this is just too much.

I have never had a roommate before but this feels like an unfair bargain. Wanted to know if this is normal behaviour.

Hi. I lived with a housemate for about 18 months. In the beginning, the contract was that no men were going to be allowed overnight as well as there was going to be a heads up before any man came over. Fast-forward about three months, and housemate decided that she wanted to be serious with her boyfriend. This was totally fine. The boyfriend ended up coming over every weekend, several times during the week, and there was little to no notice given.

While roommate and boyfriend were there, they decided to have sex in every area closest to my room and around my room in general. This was not quiet, and I could definitely hear it. They knew I could hear it.

I moved into this house to save money, so no I did not go out a lot. I did not spend a lot of money. I was saving money so that I could get out. These two constantly had sex around me loudly so that I could hear and hear it through the wall walls. I moved out as soon as I could, but is this an asshole move? What could I have done? I am traumatized by this.

This was on top of the filth that was around the house. She would not clean up after her cat, who would never bury its litter. She would leave dishes and glasses until they turned moldy, and then we continue drinking out of them to see how robust her immune system was. I don’t even know if they had sex on my stuff. I am so disgusted and I’ve been moved out for three months. Needless to say we are no longer friends. She is blocked on everything. What a disgusting Cunt.

the context here is my (24F) roommate (18M) refuses to do his dishes. it’s the first time he’s lived alone, and he’s obviously young, but i have exercised my patience for a month y’all, with MANY chances given to him, but it is one excuse after another. i don’t have sympathy for not doing three days worth of nasty dishes because you ‘can’t get out of bed’ when he woke me up at 10 am from screaming while playing games with his friends online (until i left the house at 3) , and immediately resumed when he came home at 7:30. call me crazy, those are a lot
of wasted dish-washing hours there !!!

we did not choose to live together, we were placed together for a work exchange program and i’ve officially complained to higher ups after giving him MANY reminders for three weeks now. we signed a contract for this reason, i bought a whiteboard so we can cross off that we’ve done them daily (he writes ‘will do tomorrow’ on it oh !!! didn’t realize that was an option !!! ) and it has been excuse after excuse after excuse and i’m going insane. i have mental health issues too, but that doesn’t mean we have to live in filth. and he CONSTANTLY says ‘when i have a moment to’ which PISSES ME OFFF because he ALWAYS HAS A MOMENT TO

anyway 🙃 there’s also more he does like thinking he’s going to be killed by an intruder 24/7 to the point it’s all he talks about even though we’re in a safe neighbourhood, and makes eggs every morning and puts the shells in bowls and hasn’t done anything with them ??? when i first moved in on September 16th, he said WE have to take the recycling out so i played a little game and have only taken the trash out (…every time) to see if he would do one thing for the household. the recycling hasn’t been taken out in a month 🙃🙃🙃🙃

stuck with this until mid-December pray for me !!! literally the only thing i can even expect at this point is for him to wash his dishes and he won’t do it so !!! at my literal
limit !!!

EDIT: 1) I did three loads of dishes because I cooked and meal prepped for a long week
2) I really don’t think him being 18 is an excuse because that is adult age and he chose to apply for this program where he knew he would be living with people

EDIT 2: I was more curt in my answer to him, but he honestly responded really well. Time will tell ! Thank you all for affirming that I’m not crazy - obviously there are worse things going on with many roommates on this subreddit, but venting about this really helped me cool off. Thanks again Reddit ! (Unless you were mad for no reason)