I was arguing with a transphobe who asked for sources so I pulled this all together from around the web. Feel free to save/use it as necessary!

• https://youtu.be/r7mHzEcaVbE?si=fXPiJC7s1lwUK4FX
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw1Cq_o5ZUA
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGBYYcH7CS8

Here are statements of support for gender affirming care from:

• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• American Academy of Dermatology
• American Academy of Pediatrics
• American Academy of Physician Assistants
• American Medical Association
• American Nurses Association
• American Association of Clinical Endocrinology
• American Association of Geriatric Psychiatry
• American College Health Association
• American College of Nurse-Midwives
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
• American College of Physicians
• American Counseling Association
• American Heart Association
• American Medical Student Association
• American Psychiatric Association
• American Psychological Association
• American Society of Plastic Surgeons
• American Society for Reproductive Medicine
• American Urological Association
• Endocrine Society
• Federation of Pediatric Organizations
• GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ Equality
• The Journal of the American Medical Association
• National Association of Nurse Practitioners in Women's Health
• National Association of Social Workers
• Ohio Children's Hospital
• Pediatric Endocrine Society
• Pediatrics (Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics) and Seattle Children's Hospital
• Texas Medical Association
• Texas Pediatric Society
• United States Professional Association for Transgender Health (USPATH)
• World Health Organization (WHO)
• World Medical Association
• World Professional Association for Transgender Health

Here’s some more sources and context:

Definitions & Framework

Measuring Sex, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation

The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine published this consensus report in 2022 to guide the National Institutes of Health on measuring sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation.

Methodology

• A multidisciplinary committee reviewed existing measures and research across clinical, administrative, and survey settings.
• Committee members developed consensus definitions and evaluated how different questions perform in different contexts.

Findings

• The report defines sex as a multidimensional construct based on a cluster of anatomical and physiological traits, including external genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, gonads, chromosomes, and hormones.
• The report defines gender as including identity, expression, and social position.
• The committee concluded that gender cannot be reduced to sex assigned at birth or to specific sex traits.
• The report recommends collecting the information required for the purpose at hand. It supports a two-step approach using sex assigned at birth and current gender when researchers need to identify transgender experience.
• The report recommends a separate intersex-status question when that information matters. It advises against treating intersex as a simple third response to a male-or-female sex question.

Limitations

• The report addresses measurement and conceptual clarity. It does not settle every philosophical dispute about the meaning of sex or gender.
• Recommended questions can require revision as terminology and evidence develop.

World Health Organization: Gender and Health

The World Health Organization distinguishes sex, gender, and gender identity in its public-health guidance.

What the source establishes

• Sex refers to biological and physiological characteristics such as chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive organs.
• Gender refers to socially constructed norms, roles, and relations.
• Gender identity refers to a person’s deeply felt internal experience of gender, which may or may not correspond to physiology or designated sex at birth.
• Sex, gender, and gender identity can each influence health and access to care.

Limitations

• This is institutional guidance rather than an original empirical study.
• Definitions vary somewhat across fields, so debates should identify whether the context is clinical, demographic, biological, or social.

American Psychological Association: Understanding Transgender People, Gender Identity and Gender Expression

The American Psychological Association provides definitions for transgender identity, gender identity, gender expression, and related terms.

What the source establishes

• Gender identity describes a person’s internal sense of gender.
• Gender expression describes how a person presents gender through appearance and behavior.
• Transgender describes people whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned to them at birth.
• Gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation describe separate concepts.

Limitations

• The page summarizes professional guidance and research. Use its linked scholarship for contested causal claims.

Sex Development, Chromosomes & Intersex Variation

Sex Redefined

Claire Ainsworth’s 2015 Nature feature reviews research on differences of sex development, chimerism, and cellular sex.

Methodology

• This is a science-journalism feature based on interviews and published research.
• It follows sex development across chromosomes, genes, gonads, hormones, anatomy, and cells.

Findings

• Typical XX and XY development accounts for most people, while variations can produce discordance among chromosomal, gonadal, hormonal, and anatomical traits.
• Genetic changes, mosaicism, chimerism, hormone production, and hormone-response differences can affect the developmental pathway.
• A single chromosome test cannot describe every sex-related trait in every person.

Limitations

• The article provides a synthesis for general readers. It is not a primary prevalence study.
• The article uses “spectrum” as a broad description of trait variation. Reproductive biology still recognizes two gamete types.

How Sexually Dimorphic Are We? Review and Synthesis

Blackless, Charuvastra, Derryck, Fausto-Sterling, Lauzanne, and Lee published this review in the American Journal of Human Biology in 2000.

Methodology

• The authors reviewed medical literature on chromosomal, gonadal, hormonal, and anatomical variation.
• They combined prevalence estimates for conditions that departed from an ideal of complete sexual dimorphism.

Findings

• The authors estimated that about 1.7% of live births show some departure from complete chromosomal, gonadal, genital, or hormonal dimorphism under their broad definition.
• The estimate became the main source for the widely repeated 1.7% figure.

Limitations

• Late-onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia contributes most of the estimate. Many people counted by the paper have unambiguous genitalia and identify as male or female.
• The paper’s category is broader than definitions centered on ambiguous genitalia or discordance between chromosomal and phenotypic sex.
• The number should always appear with the definition used to produce it.

SRY Gene: MedlinePlus Genetics

The National Library of Medicine explains the role of SRY in sex development and describes conditions that can result when the pathway changes.

What the source establishes

• SRY usually appears on the Y chromosome and helps direct development of the testes.
• SRY variants account for a portion of 46,XY complete gonadal dysgenesis, also called Swyer syndrome.
• An SRY translocation onto an X chromosome can contribute to 46,XX testicular differences of sex development.

Limitations

• SRY provides one part of a larger pathway that includes many genes, hormones, receptors, and tissues.
• The page provides clinical orientation rather than prevalence estimates for every condition.

Swyer Syndrome: MedlinePlus Genetics

Swyer syndrome, or 46,XY complete gonadal dysgenesis, provides a documented example of chromosomal and phenotypic traits developing along different paths.

What the source establishes

• People with Swyer syndrome have a 46,XY karyotype and female-typical external genitalia.
• They usually have a uterus and fallopian tubes because typical testicular hormone production did not occur during development.
• Their gonads do not function as ovaries, so pregnancy requires donated oocytes and medical support.

Limitations

• Swyer syndrome is rare.
• The condition demonstrates variation in sex development. It does not show that chromosomes lack biological importance.

Pregnancy and Delivery in a Patient With Pure 46,XY Karyotype

Poláková and colleagues published this case report and literature review in 2013.

Methodology

• The authors described a patient with 46,XY complete gonadal dysgenesis who became pregnant through in vitro fertilization using a donated oocyte.
• They reviewed previous reports of pregnancy in patients with 46,XY gonadal dysgenesis.

Findings

• The patient carried a pregnancy and delivered a healthy child.
• The case documents that a Y chromosome does not prevent gestation when a uterus is present and assisted reproduction supplies an oocyte and hormonal support.

Limitations

• This is a rare case report rather than a prevalence study.
• The patient did not produce an oocyte, and the case does not establish typical fertility for people with Swyer syndrome.

Gender Development & Neuroscience

Patterns of Gender Development

Martin and Ruble published this developmental-psychology review in the Annual Review of Psychology in 2010.

Methodology

• The authors reviewed research on children’s gender concepts, identity, stereotypes, preferences, and behavior.
• The review considered cognitive development, motivation, social learning, family, peers, and culture.

Findings

• Children actively organize information about gender and apply it to themselves and other people.
• Gender development reflects interactions among cognition, motivation, social environment, and biological development.
• Children develop gender labels before they develop a complete understanding of gender stability and constancy.

Limitations

• Much of the literature comes from Western populations.
• The review addresses gender development broadly and provides limited direct evidence about transgender identity.

Sex Beyond the Genitalia: The Human Brain Mosaic

Joel and colleagues published this analysis in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in 2015.

Methodology

• The authors analyzed magnetic-resonance imaging datasets containing more than 1,400 brains.
• They identified features showing the largest average sex differences and tested whether individual brains consistently contained male-typical or female-typical features.
• They applied a related analysis to behavioral datasets containing more than 5,500 people.

Findings

• Most brains contained a mixture of features that appeared more often in males, more often in females, or commonly in both groups.
• Fully internally consistent male-typical or female-typical profiles were uncommon under the authors’ method.
• Average group differences can coexist with extensive overlap and within-person variation.

Limitations

• Critics showed that multivariate models can classify sex from structural brain patterns at rates above chance. The disagreement concerns whether accurate classification establishes two internally consistent brain types.
• The study examined sex-related brain features. It did not test transgender identity directly.

Structural, Functional, and Metabolic Brain Differences as a Function of Gender Identity or Sexual Orientation

Frigerio, Ballerini, and Valdés Hernández published this systematic review in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2021.

Methodology

• The authors systematically reviewed human neuroimaging literature through 2018 and discussed later studies published through March 2021.
• The review included 39 studies concerning gender identity and 24 concerning sexual orientation.

Findings

• Some structural and functional features among transgender participants resembled patterns associated with their gender identity.
• Many features remained closer to patterns associated with sex assigned at birth, and other findings appeared intermediate or distinct.
• The literature did not reveal a single reliable neuroanatomical marker of transgender identity.

Limitations

• Many studies used small samples and different imaging methods.
• Hormone exposure, age, sexual orientation, scanner differences, and analytic choices complicated comparisons.
• Cross-sectional findings cannot establish whether a difference preceded gender incongruence or developed through later experience.

The Neuroanatomy of Transgender Identity: Mega-Analytic Findings From the ENIGMA Transgender Persons Working Group

Mueller and colleagues published this multi-site structural MRI analysis in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2021.

Methodology

• The researchers pooled data from eight sites and analyzed 803 participants.
• The sample included 214 transgender men, 172 transgender women, 221 cisgender men, and 196 cisgender women who had not received gender-affirming hormones.
• The study compared cortical thickness, surface area, and subcortical volume while correcting for multiple comparisons.

Findings

• The analysis found no significant group differences in cortical thickness after correction.
• Differences in surface area and subcortical volume did not amount to a simple shift from one cisgender group toward the other.
• The authors described the results as a distinct neuroanatomical pattern rather than a complete masculinization or feminization of the brain.

Limitations

• The study was cross-sectional and cannot establish cause or developmental timing.
• Pooling data across scanners and sites adds heterogeneity.
• Group averages cannot identify an individual’s gender.

A Sex Difference in the Human Brain and Its Relation to Transsexuality

Zhou and colleagues published this postmortem study in Nature in 1995.

Methodology

• The authors measured the central subdivision of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis in postmortem brain tissue.
• They compared a small number of transgender women with male and female reference groups.

Findings

• The measured region in the transgender women fell within the female-typical range reported by the study.
• The authors reported that the finding did not track sexual orientation in their comparison cases.

Limitations

• The transgender sample was extremely small.
• Most transgender participants had received long-term hormone therapy.
• Adult postmortem data cannot establish whether the difference caused, followed, or merely correlated with gender identity.

Sex Reassignment at Birth: Long-Term Review and Clinical Implications

Diamond and Sigmundson published this follow-up of David Reimer in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine in 1997.

Methodology

• The authors followed an XY child whose penis had been destroyed during infancy and who was then surgically reassigned and raised as a girl.
• They interviewed the patient, his family, and clinicians about development and later identity.

Findings

• Reimer rejected the female sex of rearing and began living as male during adolescence.
• The outcome contradicted earlier reports that described the reassignment as successful.
• The case undermined the claim that rearing alone can reliably determine gender identity.

Limitations

• One unusual clinical case cannot determine the relative contribution of biology and environment across the population.
• Reimer experienced major medical trauma, secrecy, repeated examinations, and family distress. Those factors limit broad causal claims.

Social & Historical Dimensions of Gender

Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health published Version 8 of its standards in 2022. This section uses the document for terminology and cross-cultural context rather than treatment outcomes.

What the source establishes

• Gender-diverse identities and social categories appear across cultures and languages.
• Terms such as hijra, fa’afafine, travesti, muxe, and Two-Spirit have distinct cultural histories and do not translate cleanly into one English category.
• Transgender and nonbinary function as broad contemporary terms, while culturally specific terms should retain their local meaning.

Limitations

• WPATH provides clinical guidance and professional consensus. It does not supply a single anthropological history of every cultural group.
• Examples from one culture should not be treated as interchangeable with identities from another culture.

United Nations Free & Equal: Celebrate Trans Visibility

The United Nations Human Rights Office identifies several culturally specific gender-diverse traditions, including hijra, Two-Spirit, travesti, fa’afafine, and transpinay.

What the source establishes

• Gender diversity has deep historical and cultural roots in many societies.
• Contemporary English vocabulary does not exhaust the ways societies organize gender.

Limitations

• This is a human-rights educational source.
• It provides examples rather than a systematic anthropological review.

Clinical Classification & Professional Positions

American Psychiatric Association: Gender Dysphoria Diagnosis

The American Psychiatric Association explains how the DSM-5 and DSM-5-TR distinguish transgender identity from gender dysphoria.

What the source establishes

• Gender nonconformity does not constitute a mental disorder by itself.
• Gender dysphoria refers to clinically significant distress or impairment associated with gender incongruence.
• A transgender person may experience gender dysphoria, although transgender identity does not automatically produce the diagnosis.

Limitations

• Diagnostic manuals classify conditions for clinical use. They do not provide a complete theory of gender identity.
• The diagnosis remains debated because it can help people access care while also carrying a history of pathologization.

World Health Organization: Gender Incongruence and Transgender Health in the ICD

The World Health Organization explains the treatment of gender incongruence in ICD-11.

What the source establishes

• ICD-11 replaced older categories such as “transsexualism” and “gender identity disorder of children.”
• WHO moved gender incongruence out of the chapter on mental and behavioral disorders.
• ICD-11 places gender incongruence in the chapter on conditions related to sexual health so health systems can continue to code relevant care.

Limitations

• Classification reflects clinical utility and expert review. It does not turn every policy position about trans people into a medical conclusion.

American Psychological Association Resolution on Gender Identity Change Efforts

The American Psychological Association adopted this resolution opposing efforts that aim to change a person’s gender identity or gender expression.

What the source establishes

• APA opposes portrayals of transgender and nonbinary people as mentally ill because of their identities or expressions.
• APA states that gender-identity change efforts lack adequate scientific support and carry a risk of harm.

Limitations

• This is an organizational policy resolution rather than an original experiment.
• A professional resolution establishes the association’s position. It does not eliminate the need to inspect the cited evidence for a specific empirical claim.

Trans People in Sports

Sport and Transgender People: A Systematic Review of the Literature Relating to Sport Participation and Competitive Sport Policies

Jones, Arcelus, Bouman, and Haycraft published this systematic review in Sports Medicine in 2017.

Methodology

• The authors reviewed eight empirical studies and 31 competitive-sport policies.
• The evidence included studies of hormone-related physiology and a small amount of direct performance data.

Findings

• The review found no direct and consistent evidence of an overall competitive advantage across the sparse literature available at the time.
• The authors found that many policies lacked a clear evidentiary basis and varied substantially across organizations.

Limitations

• Only eight empirical studies met the criteria, and very few studied trained or elite athletes.
• The conclusion reflects insufficient direct evidence in 2017. It cannot establish that no performance differences exist.
• Later studies provide additional information about strength, lean mass, hemoglobin, and running performance.

Effect of Gender-Affirming Hormones on Athletic Performance in Transwomen and Transmen

Roberts, Smalley, and Ahrendt published this retrospective study of U.S. Air Force personnel in the British Journal of Sports Medicine in 2021.

Methodology

• The researchers analyzed annual fitness-test records before and after the start of gender-affirming hormone therapy.
• Tests included push-ups, sit-ups, and a 1.5-mile run.
• The cohort included military personnel rather than elite athletes.

Findings

• Before hormone therapy, trans women completed 31% more push-ups and 15% more sit-ups and ran 21% faster than cisgender women in the comparison group.
• After two years of feminizing hormone therapy, push-up and sit-up differences were no longer statistically significant.
• Trans women still ran about 12% faster on average after two years in this cohort.
• Trans men reached or exceeded the cisgender male average for several tests after testosterone therapy.

Limitations

• The study used military fitness data, which do not measure elite sport performance.
• Training history, adherence, and other confounders remained outside the researchers’ control.
• Average group differences do not determine the outcome of a particular athlete or event.

How Does Hormone Transition in Transgender Women Change Body Composition, Muscle Strength and Haemoglobin?

Harper and colleagues published this systematic review in the British Journal of Sports Medicine in 2021.

Methodology

• The authors reviewed studies of transgender women receiving feminizing hormone therapy.
• They focused on lean body mass, muscle area, strength, and hemoglobin because these traits can affect athletic performance.

Findings

• Hemoglobin generally moved into the cisgender female range after several months of hormone therapy.
• Lean body mass, muscle area, and strength declined during treatment.
• Some differences in strength and lean mass could remain after 12 to 36 months.

Limitations

• Most participants were not athletes.
• The studies measured physiological proxies more often than performance in a specific sport.
• Study size, treatment duration, and methods varied substantially.

Strength, Power and Aerobic Capacity of Transgender Athletes: A Cross-Sectional Study

Hamilton and colleagues published this laboratory study in the British Journal of Sports Medicine in 2024.

Methodology

• The researchers tested 19 cisgender men, 12 transgender men, 23 transgender women, and 21 cisgender women who participated in competitive sports or structured training.
• Tests included body composition, grip strength, jump performance, lung function, and maximal oxygen uptake.

Findings

• Trans women had higher absolute grip strength than cisgender women in this sample.
• Trans women had lower jump height relative to fat-free mass and lower maximal oxygen uptake relative to body weight than cisgender women.
• Absolute maximal oxygen uptake did not differ significantly between trans women and cisgender women.
• Results varied by metric, which supports direct study of sport-relevant performance rather than a single proxy.

Limitations

• The study was cross-sectional and cannot show how an individual changed during hormone therapy.
• The groups were small and differed in age, height, weight, sport, and training history.
• Laboratory measures do not directly predict medals, rankings, or injury risk in every sport.

Bathrooms, Safety & Public Accommodations

Gender Identity Nondiscrimination Laws in Public Accommodations: Evidence Regarding Safety and Privacy

Hasenbush, Flores, and Herman published this study in Sexuality Research and Social Policy in 2019.

Methodology

• The authors matched Massachusetts localities with gender-identity-inclusive public-accommodation ordinances to localities without comparable ordinances.
• They obtained police incident reports involving assault, sex crimes, and voyeurism in restrooms, locker rooms, and changing rooms.
• They compared incident patterns before and after the policies took effect.

Findings

• Inclusive ordinances were not associated with an increase in the number or frequency of reported safety and privacy incidents.
• Reported incidents in these facilities were rare in both sets of localities.

Limitations

• The study covers Massachusetts and may not capture every local context.
• Police reports omit incidents that victims never report.
• The rarity of recorded incidents limits the ability to detect very small changes.

2022 U.S. Trans Survey: Public Life

The 2022 U.S. Trans Survey provides updated self-reported information about transgender people’s experiences in public restrooms.

Methodology

• The survey collected online responses from 92,329 transgender people age 16 or older in the United States and its territories.
• The project used community outreach and received institutional review board approval from UCLA.

Findings

• Four percent of respondents reported being denied restroom access during the previous year.
• Six percent reported verbal harassment, physical attack, or unwanted sexual contact while accessing or using a restroom during the previous year.

Limitations

• The survey used a large nonprobability sample, so it cannot provide a nationally representative prevalence estimate.
• Self-selection and recall can affect the results.
• The survey documents respondents’ experiences. It does not test the effect of a specific law.

Language, Pronouns & Singular They

Oxford English Dictionary: A Brief History of Singular They

The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular “they” to the medieval romance William and the Werewolf, written around 1375.

What the source establishes

• English speakers have used “they” with a singular antecedent for more than six centuries.
• The older use commonly referred to an unknown, indefinite, or generic person.
• The pronoun’s contemporary use for a known nonbinary person extends an established singular pattern.

Limitations

• Historical use of indefinite singular “they” does not mean every earlier writer used it as a nonbinary identity pronoun.
• Grammar history establishes linguistic legitimacy. It does not settle broader political disagreements about gender.

APA Style: Singular They

The American Psychological Association’s style guide directs writers to use a person’s self-identified pronouns, including singular they.

What the source establishes

• APA Style accepts singular “they” for an unknown or generic person.
• APA Style accepts singular “they” for a known person who uses that pronoun.
• Standard agreement remains plural in form, as in “they are.”

Limitations

• A style guide sets a writing standard. It does not serve as an empirical study of mental-health outcomes or social policy.

Social Transition & Trans Youth

Gender Identity 5 Years After Social Transition

Olson and colleagues published this longitudinal study in Pediatrics in 2022.

Methodology

• The researchers followed 317 children who had socially transitioned between ages 3 and 12.
• The children entered the study at an average age of 8 and received repeated follow-up over about five years.
• The study recorded whether participants identified as transgender, nonbinary, or cisgender at follow-up.

Findings

• At the end of the study period, 94% identified as binary transgender.
• About 3.5% identified as nonbinary.
• About 2.5% identified as cisgender.
• Later retransition occurred more often among children who had socially transitioned before age 6 than among those who transitioned at age 6 or older.

Limitations

• The sample included children with supportive families who had already completed a social transition.
• Most participants were White and came from families with relatively high incomes.
• The study describes identity trajectories in this cohort. It cannot determine the outcome for every gender-questioning child.
• Five years does not provide lifetime follow-up.

Mental Health and Self-Worth in Socially Transitioned Transgender Youth

Durwood, McLaughlin, and Olson published this study in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry in 2017.

Methodology

• The researchers compared socially transitioned transgender children with age-matched and gender-matched cisgender controls and with siblings.
• Children and parents completed standardized measures of depression, anxiety, and self-worth.

Findings

• Transgender participants showed depression and self-worth scores comparable to the control groups.
• Anxiety was slightly higher among transgender participants, although it remained below levels reported in many earlier clinical samples.

Limitations

• The study was cross-sectional and lacked mental-health measurements from before social transition.
• Families volunteered for a research project and generally supported their children.
• The results establish an association in this sample and cannot prove that social transition caused the observed mental-health profile.

Discrimination, Victimization & Minority Stress

A Systematic Review of Social Stress and Mental Health Among Transgender and Gender-Nonconforming People in the United States

Valentine and Shipherd published this systematic review in Clinical Psychology Review in 2018.

Methodology

• The authors reviewed U.S. research on stigma, discrimination, victimization, rejection, concealment, and mental health among transgender and gender-nonconforming people.
• They organized the evidence using minority-stress theory.

Findings

• Studies consistently associated discrimination, rejection, and victimization with depression, anxiety, substance use, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts.
• Social support, identity pride, and community connection appeared as protective factors in portions of the literature.
• The review located mental-health disparities within chronic social stressors rather than treating transgender identity as an inherent pathology.

Limitations

• Most included studies were cross-sectional and used convenience samples.
• Measures and terminology varied across studies.
• Associations between stress and mental health can run in more than one direction, although longitudinal and daily-diary research strengthens the minority-stress explanation.

Gender Identity Disparities in Criminal Victimization: National Crime Victimization Survey, 2017–2018

Flores, Meyer, Langton, and Herman analyzed nationally representative National Crime Victimization Survey data and published their study in the American Journal of Public Health in 2021.

Methodology

• The researchers pooled 2017 and 2018 NCVS data for people age 16 and older.
• They compared violent and property victimization rates for transgender and cisgender respondents.

Findings

• Transgender respondents experienced 86.2 violent victimizations per 1,000 people, compared with 21.7 per 1,000 cisgender people.
• The estimated rate was about four times higher for transgender people.
• About half of violent victimizations were not reported to police in both populations.

Limitations

• The number of transgender respondents was much smaller than the number of cisgender respondents, which widens uncertainty for subgroup estimates.
• The data combine two years and do not establish the cause of each disparity.
• Survey wording and disclosure can affect identification of transgender respondents.

2022 U.S. Trans Survey: Safety

The 2022 U.S. Trans Survey documents recent experiences of harassment, unequal treatment, violence, and interactions with law enforcement.

Findings

• Thirty percent of respondents reported verbal harassment during the previous year because of gender identity or expression.
• Three percent reported a physical attack during the previous year for the same reason.
• Nine percent reported denial of equal treatment or service.
• Seventy-three percent reported some level of discomfort asking police for help, including 47% who felt very uncomfortable.

Limitations

• The sample is large and diverse but not nationally representative.
• The survey relies on self-report and cannot independently verify every incident.
• Advocacy organizations conducted the survey with an academic advisory structure and UCLA institutional review board approval. Readers should consider both the methodology and the sponsoring organizations.

2022 U.S. Trans Survey: Health and Wellbeing

The health report examines support, discrimination, transition, and self-reported health among respondents.

Findings

• Respondents with supportive families reported lower lifetime suicidal thoughts than respondents with unsupportive families, 78% compared with 88%.
• Past-year suicidal thoughts rose from 31% among respondents reporting no discrimination or harassment to 50% among those verbally harassed and 63% among those physically assaulted.
• Respondents who had socially or medically transitioned reported higher happiness, thriving, and life satisfaction than respondents who had not.

Limitations

• Cross-sectional comparisons cannot establish causation.
• The survey did not use a probability sample.
• Differences between groups can reflect age, access to care, income, family support, and other factors that require statistical analysis beyond raw percentages.

I made a post a few days ago asking about how people gained the confidence and conviction to go ahead with their transition… and while the responses helped I couldn’t shake this horrible feeling of doubt. I’m not sure who to trust anymore. I want to believe the kind words of people on this sub, but I can’t help but feel like the answer to my troubles can’t be as simple as transitioning. There are just so many factors in my head all at once. Transphobes saying one thing, detransitioners saying another, the unlikelihood of passing making me apprehensive… it’s just all so much and I just want it to be over. I just want to be happy in my body. I feel like I’m going crazy, and at this point I just want the cold hard truth but don’t know who that truth will ever come from. I know the trans experience isn’t a sham, people do it all the time and get positive results… but that can’t always be the case! Things can’t be as black and white as it’s made out to be in this community and in this sub. I had people telling me I was already a girl… how am I supposed to believe something like that when I’m so obviously a man? I feel like I’m dying from this tension. I don’t want to live as a man, but being a woman feels like a fantasy, and deciding which feelings are true just leads me nowhere. I’m just so sick of all of this. I just wanna do what’s right. I’m beginning to think that I’ll just have to accept never being a woman. Why couldn’t I have just been born as a girl? I’m sorry if this all came off as rambly or insane. Is there any guidance I can get here?

i'm a cis woman (F20) and i go by she/her, but i'm honestly pretty indifferent to what pronouns people use for me. i openly identify as a cis woman and for the most part i'm comfortable being one. or at least i think i am? 😭

sometimes i don't really feel like i relate to womanhood or what it's like to be a woman/girl, and i get pretty conflicted whenever i start thinking about it. i'm occasionally jealous of men? especially when it comes to their appearance, how they dress and their physiques. most of my fashion inspo comes from male influencers and even my fitness inspo is mainly men.

i dress pretty masculinely most of the time and i've always wanted to look more androgynous. but the thing is, i want to look androgynous in the way that men look feminine rather than the way women look masculine, if that makes sense? 😭 and that's what confuses me because i don't necessarily want to be a man, but sometimes i kinda wish i was? idk how to explain it.

i'm not really looking for anyone to tell me what my gender is, but i'm curious if anyone else has experienced something similar because i genuinely don't know what to make of these feelings.

I turn 17 this month on the 9th and I've been wondering if I could potentially get top surgery at my age I live in NC and here you can't do any gender affirming care until your 18 (which sucks) I heard there might be a surgeons who could do it with parent consent but I'm not sure if that's true or not I don't know if it would be possible all I know is that I want this two parasites off my chest as soon as possible

I'm a femme myself so I want to know more, especially if you're also BIPOC! How does navigating social circumstances feel, especially with the demand that transwoman and nb people are expected to perform almost hyper femininity in order to not be seen as a "dangerous pervert man" by terrible, evil people.

If I (a cis guy) were to go to a reality where I'm born a girl, would you consider me a cisgender girl?

Background: So, I've been researching the Occult and Esoteric Skills (Lucid dreaming, Astral projection and The like) to change my gender to a cis girl. To be honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this, I feel restless just thinking about this predicament I'm in and I kinda just want reassurance that it is theoretically possible for me to be a cis girl in spite of being a cis guy in my original reality.

Why?: I don't know to be honest, I'm sorta fine with being a boy, but I wanna try to see if I like being a girl more. Maybe, I'll finally be able to feel like a person rather than a fictional character living through a linear story. Being a girl does sound nice though, if I do manage to become one I'll probably move to another reality, I cannot stay here because this reality in my opinion is not getting any better and I want to live freely as possible, maybe I should go to a reality where I live in cottage with a cat to keep me company or maybe just relive my childhood as a girl.

When gender comes up i (NB) often state that gender is a myth, should I refrain from saying this around my trans friends? Is it invalidating?

hi guys i started hrt yesterday, and ive been prescribed 3 pumps daily of oestrogen (2.25mg total) and 50mg spironolactone twice a day (100mg total) and from what i understood, the prescriber told me to do my oestrogen at once, on an evening, but 2.25mg of oestrogen every 24hours seems... too infrequent.

if i was to split my e application to every 12 ish hours, how would i split 3 pumps? and do you guys have any opinions on the frequency and time of the application?

So I am going through it questioning wise. I’m struggling maybe with internalized alt-right talking points? Like, my feeling like a guy or trying to get to closer to that end of the spectrum is just playing pretend or something. I don’t know. Part of this is there is a sense of euphoria or novelty, when I present more masculine or imagine myself as male. It’s this feeling of novelty I don’t love because it makes me weary that I’m fetishizing or something.

Anyway, I wear a binder sometimes and that gives me extreme euphoria. I like to idea on being a man or even being gender queer. I love queerness and androgyny as well though I have always felt more comfortable presenting femme in the world.

I’m wondering- these feelings of novelty or “dressing up”- how do I know the difference between enjoying cross dressing/ drag/ etc. and being trans. Sometimes I worry about it even being a fetish thing. Like, there is a small thrill I get from it. I just feel a bit ashamed I guess. I’ve started to feel like maybe I’m just playing pretend and I don’t enjoy that feeling. But I also really can’t help it. It feels less and less right to be a “girl”.

Exactly how it sounds, I've been loving embracing my femininity. And I'm looking into what transitioning involves. I'd love it if you guys could share any, things you didn't expect, things that were more difficult than you thought, & things that you did expect but didn't play out how you were expecting.

I apologize in advance, but I'm probably going to be transphobic in this post. I'm very uninformed. Also, English is not my first language.

I was assignated male at birth, I didn't feel the need to analyze my sexuality until last year. I'm depressive and taking antidepressants, I have no friends and i'm very shy.

I was always sure that i'm a guy, i like women and like many masculine things (basketball, videogames).

I started doubting last year, when I started thinking i'd rather have been born a woman, but, I feel like even though I have a somewhat feminine face, I could never pass, because I have very broad shoulders and too deep of a singing voice (music is the only companion I really have)

If there was a button that'd make me immediately be a woman, I would press it, no doubt

Also, my dad would literally kill me, if I told him I was trans. My mother wouldn't, but I don't have a great relationship with her either.

I also have always feel disgusted by the idea of being trans, of being a man dressing up as a woman, with the knowledge i'd never be a real woman.

I've also had the idea of being non binary, but i read on X than puberty blockers would make me have an "ugly" voice, and it'd affect my singing.

I also live in Argentina, and I've heard it's a hard country to be trans in.

Well, this was my story, maybe I should just accept that there's no chance and kms (i should've done it already anyway), bye!

i keep worrying about a hrt ban for adults in the future i really don't want to live as a man for the rest of my life, i knew i was transfem since 11

Hi everyone! I'm from the Philippines and currently looking for remote VA opportunities.

Since coming out and having short hair, I sometimes worry that employers judge me based on my gender expression rather than my skills. I've submitted several applications but haven't had much luck, and honestly, it's discouraging.

I have nearly 6 years of customer service experience, plus experience in appointment setting, CRM management, lead follow-ups, and administrative support.

Any advice on finding LGBTQ+-friendly employers or clients? If anyone is hiring a remote VA, I'd love the opportunity to prove my skills.

I just want a fair chance to work and grow. Thank you! ❤️

I'm a fourteen year old boy, and I've been thinking about being a girl since I was eleven. It comes and goes, some days i want to be a girl more than others. I also had a porn addiction and would frequently imagine myself as the girl and have fantasies where I was a girl in sex, so eventually I just said that it was just a fetish. I've managed to quit now but the feeling is still there, except now I just imagine my normal life but if I was a fourteen year old girl instead of a boy. I tried putting on makeup a few days ago but i was bad at it and got angry, so that got me thinking I might be trans. I also main Mercy in Overwatch, so quite a few people think im female and will send me sexist messages after matches, but I kinda like it? Even though I shouldn't, they're disgusting, misogynistic messages. But I like knowing the enemy team think im a girl. So am I? I don't mind being a dude, I like being a dude, but i think I'd prefer to be a girl.

i am 20 and nonbinary (afab) and my partner 20 is transfem/nonbinary and we have been together 3 for years, i love them with my whole being. i have been on testosterone for 2 years and i also came off an ssri about 5 months ago, my partner started e 8 months ago, and even before hormones our sex drives were mismatched but it was not a problem. in the past two months she hasn't been able to get/stay hard and gets very embarrassed/ disphoric about it, which makes sense but it has seemed to make her somewhat unwilling to do or even talk about alternatives. the only thing that she has been at all interested in/ asked for is me sitting against her and her touching me like she has my parts( she calls it practice being a girl) which doesn't exactly make me feel great, and i have a hard time O when i'm the center of attention. i am trying to refocus sex away from O and also not bring in my catholic upbringing of "your job in marriage is to please your husband" (i know it doesn't even work for gender roles but they did a number on me) but i still do really want to make her feel good (specifically me doing something active on her) during sex but when i try it just shuts things down. i have done all this research on things we can try that might feel good mostly for her but she doesn't seem to want to try them and i don't want to push. i don't know what to do at this point besides not bring it up but i do really still want her and to feel that closeness that mutual pleasure brings. i want to be respectful of our very different journeys but i don't understand why she won't put any work into talking to me much less finding ways to make it feel good for both of us. any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!

I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this crippling anxiety and doubt and I really don’t wanna talk to anyone in my life about this yet

I’m 17 and recently been thinking I might be a trans guy? But the thought of it is honestly really terrifying for me

Like what if I’m just wrong and I just wanna be a butch/tomboy ??? What if I’m just making this all up for attention or gaslighting myself into thinking all this and I’m just gonna make myself into a fool?

But than I think on how I’ve never liked my chest from the very beginning of puberty, wishing I had any kind of excuse to get rid of them and finding clothes that I do like but not wanting to wear them due to how they’re too tight in the chest area

Or wanting to have such a masculine haircut or clothing that people will mistake me for a guy ect ect

It’s all just so confusing and scary and while I’ve done a lot of research by myself via YouTube videos, reading articles and Reddit threads like on here, I’m still just so unsure and filled with self doubt

I’ve ended up crying in my bed a few times now wishing I was just born a boy to begin with so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this

that I didn’t have to deal with the weird dilemma of “do I want him or do I want to be him?” God that sounds so stupid but its currently the state I’m in right now 😭 sorry if I made this too long

I am an AMAB genderfluid and I like having certain male characteristics, including the flat chest, however, what I don't like is the prospect of aging out of androgyny and the opportunity to be feminine because of baldness or general middle aged man issues.

I have looked into normal HRT but, the more I think about it, the more I realise how dysphoric I would become with breasts + I don't want to lead people into thinking I'm trans fem or just a woman, when I'm not, I really don't want to have to give that explanation every time.

Any solutions to this?

Pretty standard question, but here’s a brief of my current situation regardless:

I am 18, still living at home with plans to move out in the next year, and I’ve been saving up for that as well as hrt for a good bit (about $3500 right now, closer to 5k if I pawn some stuff, as well as being employed part time).

Household isn’t exactly accepting, more so operating under the consensus that if they just ignore it, it’ll go away, and while I have discussed this with them, it ended up getting reduced to just my insecurity (I’m not exactly an insecure person; bs), and they know I have plans to start medically transitioning.

The plan is to go with Plume, since it’s definitely the cheapest and most reliable option for me right now and the state that I live in makes it easier.

Is now a good time to start? I’ve got a paycheck coming in at the end of the week that I’ve made into a ‘deadline’ for me to think this over lol, but I’d like some insight too ❤️‍🩹

I am 21 and have considered transition for 4 years on an almost daily basis, and I recently booked an appointment for a gender dysphoria diagnosis that will happen in a few weeks.

Despite this I still don't feel confident that I am trans, I picked a name for the appointment, and any plans I have to socially transition I feel are being made up for the sake of convincing a doctor I should be diagnosed.

The main reasom I feel I want a diagnosis is because I'm worried if I continue as I am doing nothing, I will realise I am trans later and regret not doing something sooner.

I still don't know if I want HRT, but I am going through the process to get it. I don't really like my body and feel fairly neutrally towards it, and the effects of HRT sound more strange than exciting.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to suddenly realise what real gender dysphoria feels like 6 months onto estrogen if I'm not trans, but I don't want to wait and feel miserable for another 4 years.

I might not even get diagnosed, which upsets me to think about, but I don't know if that's due to being trans or just not wanting to have wasted money.

I'm mid 40's (AMAB) and my wife (f) is early 40's. I have no doubt that she is my soul mate and 'the' one for me... I've known it since our first date a little over 20 years ago. We've been married almost 20 years and have 4 kids (early college - middle school age) and we're pretty co-dependent on each other. She is an amazing mom and our kids are all doing well.

I've know that I'm trans for awhile.... Growing up in the early 80's and 90's though, being trans wasn't really a 'thing'. Yes, I do know that trans healthcare has been around for about 100 years, but it just wasn't known to a kid with dial-up AOL... I do remember doing the COGIATI gender test - which was like the only thing available online back then - and it said I was what we would now call trans. If I were growing up today, with access to the internet and current healthcare, things would likely be very different for me, but being raised in a very catholic family and attending catholic/Christian schools growing up, these thoughts/feelings were all suppressed. I started to explore my feelings in this area during/after college... but I quickly met my wife, and we've been together ever since. While we were dating, we explored me crossdressing a couple times, but it didn't really go beyond that. She did find some other female clothes that I bought and she threw them away. Fast forward a little bit and we got pregnant and I just put everything into my new family, multiple simultaneous jobs, a couple hobbies and taking care of her when she's been sick... no time for thinking about being trans.

Fast forward to about 4 years ago. We moved from a blue state up north to a warmer red state on the Gulf (currently not a trans-friendly place unfortunately). About 3 years ago, I told her that I 'thought' I was trans. She didn't take it well. She said that I couldn't possibly really love her if I even said this. She said that I made her a 'beard' and that this is the worst thing that's ever happened to her, that I've embarrassed her and this is worse than if I would have cheated on her. She said that I've ruined her life and the lives of our kids. She said that she would tell everyone, divorce me, take everything and that a sexual predator like me would never see my kids again and, only if the courts absolutely required it would I get supervised visitation in a public place for maybe an hour per month.

Around this time, the second-stage puberty thing was happening and my increasingly hairy [and masculine] body was bothering me, so I shaved most of my body hair. She called me repulsive, made me wear long pants and a shirt to bed (I usually sleep in just underwear) for a couple of months until my hair grew back and I'm not allowed to shave anything anymore. Her thoughts about my body are more important than mine.

The night that I told her, she even told me to k*ll myself (well, in fairness, she said go jump off the the Fred Hartman Bridge - but that only really ends one way.....) She also said that she was going to divorce me and and there's no way a judge would ever let a pervert like me around my kids. She said that she was going to tell everyone what a sick freak I was. (thankfully, she didn't do either of these things). She made me get counseling. She told me to take some anxiety/depression meds. Unfortunately, she has been cold to me ever since. She even makes it a point to send me every anti-trans video she sees on social media and point out anytime anyone we know says anything that's even remotely anti-trans (thankfully, this has settled down over the last couple of years and now only occasionally happens).

Eventually I stopped taking the meds because I was going to bed most nights crying myself to sleep hoping that I didn't wake up and praying for god to just let me have a heart attack or aneurism or something. Suicide isn't an option for me (at this time). My wife doesn't work and we still have kids at home. I have some life insurance, but not enough to take care of everything till my kids are out of college, pay off our house and setup my wife for life - plus, my largest policy doesn't pay out after a suicide. AND- after being a part time firefighter for many years, I've seen what suicide can do to families so I can't do that to my kids. After they're out of college though, I've thought about maybe taking of skydiving as it would be easy enough to have an accident and it would be over quickly....

I love my wife unconditionally. When she thought she couldn't have kids - I pivoted and said that we can adopt. When she found out that she had an autoimmune disease (not saying which one for privacy reasons), I've taken care of her and taken her to specialists at Mayo Clinic and other hospitals in another state. I married her, in sickness and health, in good times and bad... why can't she do the same for me? Yes, I do know this is a lot, but why cant she love me unconditionally?

For now, I'm just suppressing everything. I want to talk with her about it again, but I don't think I could survive her telling me to k*ll myself again. I don't want to be divorced, so I will do whatever I have to in order to keep the peace.

But if it was up to me, I would live the rest of my life as a woman. (Heck, I would even settle for more androgynous regular life and a couple of trips per year completely feminine - so that we'd be away from anyone that she might even remotely know). I would take my time with a transition and not come 'out' to others until I felt I could pass (No, I wouldn't be one of those obvious 'dude's with a beard in a dress' trying to use a woman's bathroom). Earlier this year, my job sent me to Europe for three weeks. I had to work M-F, but had the weekends off. I brought a small suitcase with just women's clothes and roamed around Barcelona one weekend and the Netherlands on the second weekend as a woman. Nobody said anything and I don't remember anyone staring at me. I did have a very nice chat with a girl working a gelato stand who complimented my nails and when I checked into a hotel, I was even greet as 'miss' - until I had to give my passport to the front desk clerk and he didn't then know what to say... These two weekends were amazing, but at the same time, I felt bad that I couldn't share it with my wife. I KNOW that we could be happy... but she seems to be way more worried about what everyone will think... apparently strangers thoughts/feelings are more important than mine.

Any advice? (thanks in advance!!)

To ensure I'm compliant with this forum's rules, this post is NOT about self-harm in any way. I don't intend to hurt myself. I don't need that kind of help/assistance.

(minor details changed to protect me and my wife)

My main reason for not transitioning is that I know, not fear, that I’ll never become cis passable and thus being visibly trans would be forced to go through everything trans people encounter daily. Moreover this would not even meet my own aims- why bother starting on a long and expensive and difficult pathway if you know that at the end of this journey you’re awaited by something different than what you hoped for?

Anyone else here feeling the same? How do you cope with this feeling?

Hi everyone, I just recently entered into a romantic relationship with a trans woman. I’m a cis heterosexual male. She hit me up first, and I decided to get to know her, despite never being with a trans woman before. I really like her! Like a lot! I think we might have sex soon and I just wanted to know if anyone has any tips on how I might be able to perform well? She’s pre op and I’m not attracted to penis, and she isn’t interested in using it, so anal seems like the best bet. I’ve just never done anything with a butt before though so I’m kinda nervous/scared! 😭 I just wanted some advice, and I hope this doesn’t come off in any negative way! Much love to everyone here!

I am slowly achieving my dream of finally starting hrt and slowly coming out fully as a girl. I am doing some small steps like shaving and growing out my hair but I wanted to go for a bigger step this Halloween.

I am hosting a halloween party, more like a cookout style situation, so I wanted to do a costume party. As such I have wanted to go in femme in some way but for the life of me I can’t find a good costume.

This isn’t really put of character as I have been known to crossdress sometimes even publicly! I am mostly worried about the fact that I don’t generally look particularly femme and I really don’t want the “man in a dress” effect because a dysphoric breakdown wouldn’t be a good idea.

My girlfriend is in on it so a couple costume could be fun if anybody has any ideas. My current idea was to do Lady Dimitrescu from RE Village which would’ve been amazing for covering up a lot of me while “excusing” my height and even helping it. Thing is that I will be cooking and grilling and frying so lady D seems straight up impractical.

So I am looking for help, any help is appreciated!

Hi im male 25 years old
I tried to watch and train my voice so i could sound more like what i feel like me but i could change my voice at all
I traid TransVoiceLessons and other creator on youtube for over 7 mounths
My voice is the same💔 (i did cheaked with old videos) i need to know what do i do wrong
I really start thinking about wendler glottoplasty sergury but cant affort the travel and sergury atleast not for 2 years but i cant wait tell then im tried from my voice
Any advice?

16 M. I want to start by saying that I’d like to know whether what I’ve been feeling could be enough to justify seeking a therapist or someone who specializes in gender identity. I’ve been having thoughts that make me wonder whether I could be trans, but I’m still unsure. I also don’t want to be disrespectful toward people who experience gender dysphoria more intensely than I do, if what I have could even be dysphoria.

These thoughts really started coming to the surface at the beginning of May, when I decided to explore them instead of continuing to ignore them, which I feel I’d been doing for too long.
For a few years, I’d occasionally had this thought: *“How much more coherent would my life be if I’d been born a girl?”*
I’m not entirely sure how to explain it, but I don’t mean it in the way some guys say they’d love to be girls because they could do sexual things or whatever. I mean it seriously. I’ve often felt that if I’d always been a girl, my identity, my personality, and my life in general would make much more sense. I also think I’d be happier.
Eventually, I decided to start recording my thoughts in my phone’s notes app. I didn’t actually type them out; I talked to my phone and let it transcribe everything because I can express myself much better by speaking than by writing.
Surprisingly, this helped me a lot. It felt almost as if I were explaining my thoughts to another person, even though I obviously knew I wasn’t. I’d never really tried to put these feelings into words before, not even for myself.
After a few days of doing this, I came up with a thought experiment that I later discovered was a common one among trans people: the Button.
I’m fairly sure I don’t need to explain how it works in this subreddit, BUT, I gave myself a little twist than the usual.
The standard button:From the moment I pressed it, I’d become a girl.
My perfect button: I’d become a girl, but with the additional guarantee that I’d always been a girl, both in my own life and in everyone else’s memories.
I immediately chose the second option. However, I also wrote that I’d happily accept the first one, because even if it wasn’t perfect, it would still make me completely happy, as it was so close to perfection that it wouldn’t really matter (it’s like writing 3.141 instead of Pi, the change is so minimal in math, that it’s basically the same).
What’s important here is that I came up with this thought experiment on my own in early May. I only discovered that the Button was an actual thought experiment used in discussions about transgender identities in early August.
I mention this because I want to make it clear that I wasn’t consciously copying something I’d seen online and then convincing myself I wanted to be a girl. I came up with the scenario independently, explored my feelings about it, and reached my own conclusions before discovering that other people had thought about the same thing. Also, the fact that I also chose a button and not something else, like Idk a potion, is just coincidence.
At the time, however, I still thought I wouldn’t transition. I knew what transitioning was, but I assumed it wouldn’t be worth it because it wouldn’t magically happen overnight, and I believed I could never become a girl in every biological sense.
My reasoning was basically: “NAAAAH, I’m fine. I’d just PREFER to be a girl. I don’t hate my body, so why would I transition?”
My perspective has changed since then, which is why I’m writing this post.

Once I started exploring these thoughts, I didn’t want to force myself to think about particular things or deliberately avoid others. I simply let my mind wander wherever it wanted.
I mainly focused on two things:
Imagining what my life would be like if I were a girl.
Looking back at my childhood to see whether there were any experiences that might be relevant.
The first one is probably the strangest part, but please bear with me.
I basically created an alternate version of myself in my head. I gave her a name, Alessia, or Ale for short. Just fir context, my name is Mattia, and I’m Italian, reason why the names could be unusual for some people.
Ale has exactly the same personality, character, dreams, friends, life experiences, and sexuality (bi) as me, and she even has alopecia, just like me.
The ONLY difference is that she’s a girl.
For months, I’ve been imagining her life, and I’m still doing it now. And when I say imagining her life, I don’t just mean major life events. I mean literally EVERYTHING, including the most ordinary, insignificant things.
I’ll be doing something completely normal, get an idea, and start imagining how Ale would experience that same situation.
And the amount of detail I’ve come up with is honestly ridiculous. I have an entire fictional universe in my head, complete with its own lore, characters, relationships, and countless stories. I could genuinely write a book about it. 😂
For example, I’ve imagined where she lives, who she lives with, and what her future looks like. In my imagined future, she has a girlfriend who eventually becomes her wife, Ginevra, and they have a Labrador named Velvette.
I’ve created countless stories about their everyday lives, from ordinary moments to bigger events.
I know this might sound weird, but imagining these scenarios makes me feel almost as though I’m actually experiencing Ale’s life.
There’s one particularly interesting thing I’ve noticed, though.
Whenever I have to stop imagining her life, I experience a really strong feeling of nostalgia.
And I find that incredibly confusing. How can I feel nostalgic for something I’ve never experienced? As far as I know, I’ve never actually been a girl, so why does imagining this alternative life sometimes feel like remembering something I’ve lost?
Another thing that makes me sad is the feeling that even if I transitioned, I could never become 100% identical to my ideal version of Ale.
I know that transitioning can change many things, and I know that being transgender doesn’t make someone any less of a woman. I’m talking specifically about my personal ideal: the idea that I’d always been a cisgender girl, with that entire life and history.
That part of the fantasy feels impossible to recreate, even if I eventually transition.
Basically, it’s an asymptote: I can get closer and closer to my ideal, which would be Ale, but I can never quite reach it completely.
The developers seriously need to add Kenjaku’s cursed technique to real life. 💀

While looking back at my childhood, I remembered a few things that might be relevant.
I’m not claiming that any of these things proves I’m trans. I know that interests and childhood experiences don’t determine someone’s gender. However, I think it’s worth mentioning them alongside everything else I’ve been feeling, and also the combo of this could be interesting to look upon.

I remember being in fourth grade and genuinely wondering why I couldn’t have boobs.
Not in a sexual way, obviously. I was a child. I simply wanted to have them because I wanted them to be part of my body.
And this is still something I want very strongly today.
I don’t just think boobs would look cool. I want the experience of actually having them, including the ordinary, everyday aspects of living with them, even what are usually considered inconveniences about them, I would love to be able to look down and see them. I want them to be part of my body and my everyday life, even if that also means dealing with the inconveniences that come with having boobs, such as wearing a bra, covering them up, or finding certain positions less comfortable.
I know this might sound strange, but I genuinely wish I could experience those things because they’d mean I actually had boobs.
I feel similarly about wanting a vagina instead of a penis. I understand that different anatomy comes with different practical inconveniences (like I’d lose. the advanced of peeing standing up in public bathrooms, and I’d have to sit down even there)but those wouldn’t make me want it any less. The same goes for periods.

When I was around eight or nine, my younger sister, who is five years younger than me, got some nail polish designed for children.
She wanted someone to try it on, and I remember volunteering. More importantly, I remember being genuinely happy about the opportunity.
It’s a small memory, but it’s one that came back to me while I was thinking about my childhood.

As a child, I watched a pretty balanced mix of cartoons that were stereotypically “for boys” and “for girls”.
Some examples of shows for girls I watched were My Little Pony, Totally Spies, Winx Club, and H2O.
I don’t think this means anything in itself, though. I simply watched what I enjoyed, regardless of whom the shows were marketed toward. I just don’t think boys my age were watching those cartoons too, and even if so, it would’ve been like just one, not such an ammount, my sister watched way less “girly” cartoons.

Another thing I started doing in middle school was what I later learned is called tucking.
Back then, I had no idea there was a name for it. I simply disliked seeing any noticeable bulge through my trousers.
I found it more comfortable when everything was less noticeable and less in the way, so I started doing it.
There are probably other childhood memories that I’m forgetting right now, but these are some of the ones that came to mind while writing this post.
Individually, I don’t consider any of these experiences proof that I’m trans. However, combined with my current feelings, I think they’re worth exploring.

After spending months thinking about all of this, I’ve reached a few tentative conclusions.
I want to emphasize that these are my current thoughts, not a definitive diagnosis or something I believe can never change. I haven’t discussed any of this with a professional yet, although I’d like to do so. I have my first appointment on friday, but it’s for autism, OCD and ADHD (tests for these, not sure which ones I have), but later on it’s something I’ll definitely bring up.

At the moment, I think I actually want to transition.
There are still several things I’m uncertain about, though, and I wonder whether some people might find my preferences strange or even disrespectful.
I genuinely don’t want to offend anyone, so I’d appreciate honest feedback.

First, I don’t currently want to change my legal name or legal sex, and this goes for my future too.
This isn’t because I necessarily want to keep using my current name forever. It’s mainly because changing legal documents could create a lot of complications, from university paperwork to bank accounts and other administrative matters.
I also don’t feel particularly attached to changing my legal documents themselves.
Socially, however, I’d like to use the name Alessia and have it become the name that feels most like mine. Also I wanna point out that technically Mattia, my legal name, is used for both boys and girls, which I guess would make it a little bit better. And also, I don’t hate my name, I really like it tbh, Ale is more fitting for me, but that is another reason why I don’t wanna erase Mattia.

I’d also like to use she/her pronouns when referring to myself and would ask people to use them for me.
At the same time, I wouldn’t stop responding to Mattia or to he/him pronouns.
This is partly because I don’t feel particularly bothered by how other people perceive me, and partly because I understand that adjusting to someone’s new name and pronouns can take time.
I wouldn’t want people to feel pressured or constantly worry that they’d offended me if they made a mistake. I’d want them to know that I wouldn’t be angry about an occasional slip-up.
That said, there’s an important distinction here: I’d still personally prefer Alessia and she/her. Being willing to respond to my old name and pronouns doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have a preference.
I also don’t see transitioning as erasing my past.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with people who feel that transitioning represents leaving an old identity behind. I completely understand that perspective. For me, though, I don’t want to erase Mattia. I’d rather think of it as allowing Mattia and Ale to coexist, while increasingly identifying with Ale. I don’t know whether this is a common way of looking at things, but it’s how I feel right now. Also I feel like it’s pretty obvious, I don’t care about how others perceive me, I just care about how I perceive myself, so what I would care about the most isn’t others using she/her for me, but me using those pronouns for myself, if I feel like a girl I don’t care about how other perceive me.

This is probably one of the most important points for me. My biggest dream has always been to become a voice actor, and I’m currently studying voice acting and dubbing. I don’t want to give up that dream, even if I decide to transition. Initially, I thought estrogen would change my voice, which was my biggest NO for transitioning, but I eventually learned that it doesn’t do that, I got more informed over time, don’t worry. That realization made me reconsider whether transitioning and pursuing voice acting could coexist.
As far as I understand it, in Italy, transgender women aren’t necessarily cast to dub female characters, and transgender men aren’t necessarily cast to dub male characters. I understand that casting decisions can depend on many factors, and I don’t mean to criticize the industry here.
My point is simply that I wouldn’t want transitioning to mean giving up the career I’ve always dreamed of. And tbh I don’t care about dubbing male or females, as long as that becomes my job, I can even be the wind….
I also don’t currently want to change my natural speaking voice.
Because I’m already studying voice acting, I’ve learned some techniques that allow me to produce a more feminine-sounding voice. I imagine that, with further training, I could develop that ability even more and use different vocal styles depending on the role.
However, I’ve seen discussions where people seem frustrated when transgender people choose not to change their voices.
So Would choosing not to pursue voice feminization be disrespectful toward other trans people?
I genuinely want to understand this. My voice is important to me, both personally and professionally, and I don’t want to feel that I have to choose between my gender and my dream career.

There are some surgeries I might want in the future, but I don’t currently want to pursue a large number of them.
The two I’m most interested in are bottom surgery and breast augmentation.
Regarding breast augmentation, I’d want a natural-looking result rather than the appearance and felling of artificial implants (I would like them to be natural and soft, don’t care if it takes more time). I’d need to learn more about the available options before deciding what would be right for me.
Of course, I’m still young, and my preferences might change considerably over the years. I’m not treating any of these decisions as something I need to settle immediately.
And now one of my biggest questions: do you have to hate your body to experience gender dysphoria, or is that a misconception?
I don’t hate my body.
For a long time, I believed that experiencing gender dysphoria meant hating your body or feeling completely miserable about being the gender you were assigned at birth.
Recently, I’ve started questioning that assumption because some of what I experience seems consistent with descriptions I’ve read about gender dysphoria, even though I don’t hate my body.
For context, I have alopecia, which means I have very little hair, including body hair. I’ve also spent a lot of time training, and I’m happy with my current physique.
In other words, I can genuinely like my body while still wishing certain aspects of it were different.
I don’t feel that my entire body is wrong, and I don’t spend every day hating my appearance.
Instead, I have some very strong preferences about what I’d like my body to be like.
I’d love to have boobs. I’d love to have a vagina instead of a penis. I’d like a more feminine silhouette. I’d like to wear feminine clothes, have long nails, and experience other aspects of life that I associate with being a girl.
These aren’t just things I think would be aesthetically pleasing. They’re things I genuinely want for myself.
The feeling is more like a constant, relatively mild discomfort or persistent preference: *“If I could become a girl, I’d do it immediately.”*
I don’t necessarily feel miserable about being a boy, but the idea of being a girl feels significantly more appealing to me.
And I wonder whether that distinction matters.
I believe that this “hatred towards your own body” is actually true for some individuals, but is it the same for everyone?

There’s another aspect of my experience that I find difficult to explain. I’m not really happy to be seen as a boy, for many reasons, first of all because usually I get dragged along the lines of “all of you boys…” like I swear I’m different from every boy u’ve ever seen.
Sometimes this manifests in relatively small ways.
For example, Italian is a gendered language, so adjectives and many other words change depending on whether you’re referring to a man or a woman.
Whenever I have to use masculine words to describe myself, I sometimes feel uncomfortable. Similarly, if I’m talking about something and have to say, “As a boy…” or “I’m a boy, so…”, I really wish I could use the corresponding feminine expressions instead. It’s like I always imagine an “unfortunately” whenever I have to say that kind of stuff.
It’s not necessarily that I hate every masculine word or that I can’t tolerate being referred to as male. It’s more that the feminine alternatives feel preferable to me.
This can also happen in completely ordinary social situations.
For example, imagine that all the men in my family are sitting on the couch watching football (biggest stereotype ever)
I don’t want to join them just because I’m a boy, I simply don’t want to feel like one.
That doesn’t mean I have to do something stereotypically feminine instead. Although I often do prefer activities traditionally associated with girls, the important part is the feeling itself.
Interestingly, the feeling can become much more positive when I participate in something traditionally associated with women.
For example, in my family, it’s unfortunately quite common for the women to cook and set the table while the men sit around watching football. I know that’s an enormous stereotype, but it genuinely happens around me in Southern Italy.
When I’m the only boy helping the women while the men do something else, I don’t feel like a boy in the same way.
I know I’m not a girl, at least not in the way I currently understand my situation, but being included in that group gives me a sense of inner peace and happiness that’s difficult to explain.
I’ve heard people describe something called gender euphoria, but I honestly don’t know whether what I’m experiencing fits that description.
I’m not claiming that enjoying feminine activities or disliking masculine ones makes someone trans. I know gender stereotypes aren’t the same thing as gender identity.
I’m talking about how these situations make me feel about myself, rather than about the activities themselves.

There’s one final thing I’d like to clarify.
I’m not trying to diagnose myself, and I’m not expecting strangers on Reddit to tell me definitively whether I’m trans.
I would like to speak to a therapist who can help me explore these feelings properly.
For now, I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experience with gender questioning or who have gone through a similar process.
Here are the main things I’d like to ask:
Can you experience gender dysphoria without hating your body? As I said, I like my body in many ways, but I strongly wish certain aspects of it were different.
Could wanting to be a girl, rather than feeling that you absolutely cannot live as a boy, be a valid reason to explore this?
Has anyone else experienced something similar to my imagined life as Ale? And also, has anyone felt a strong sense of nostalgia for a life they never actually lived?
Is it unusual to want to transition socially while keeping your legal name and sex unchanged, at least for the foreseeable future, and mainly for logistical reasons?
Would it be disrespectful to transition while remaining comfortable with my old name and pronouns, or to choose not to pursue voice feminization?
Is the sense of happiness and inner peace I experience when I feel less like a boy potentially an example of gender euphoria?
I want to emphasize that I’m not trying to compare my experiences with anyone else’s or suggest that my situation is more or less valid than theirs.
I know that people experience being trans in many different ways, and I’m still trying to understand my own experience.
I just want to explore these feelings without dismissing them, jumping to conclusions, or making assumptions about myself that might not be accurate.