I am really in a dire emotional state.

There's the past abuse that I suffered over expressing myself, then there's the AGP motivations which wax and wane...I think, it's called "purge and repeat".

It's about my hair, and no it's not about hair care or style.

At times under the fog, I want really long hair, like I would really like to try different styles, but at times the fog lifts and then there's an overwhelming, like really really overwhelming drive to cut it all off.

In the past, I did went through multiple purge and repeat phases with my hair, not entirely because of AGP motivations waxing and waning, but also because of the emotional torture that my mother would do over silly things like hair :(

Right now it's very nice, well kept and shoulder length, but I know from experience that if I get a cut, for now I would feel better, but when the cycle comes back, I will be in a deeply emotionally hurt state.

Frankly, I want to avoid the cut now, I just want to keep going, for my future's sake. It's just torture to keep doing the P&R.

Anyone got any advise on what's going on and what the eff should I do?

I feel like if I get bangs right now, everything will turn out okay, but I am not able to do so, cause in my hometown it's downright criminal for men to get bangs :( :(.