Every now and then I get this intense hyperfocus on physical strength. I have a female body, so I think about the social hierarchy based around physical strength and the idea that I'm supposed to be worried that men can overpower me. Tbh, I think what I'm actually worrying about is that i don't feel like I'm in the 'woman' category and tend to see people as people, not as a specific gender. So the distressing feelings seem to be coming from the idea that what I'm doing internally doesn't seem to match with what happens socially.

Does this sound familiar? I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head! Am I agender? I think so. But I'm worried I'm just trying to escape a social hierarchy i don't like.

really short story but like when i was younger i always felt awkward (almost like being squished? also would make my stomach do a little flip) whenever someone would refer to me as "young lady" or "young woman" and it took me. so long. to realize that it wasn't just "oh i feel weird because i'm not even an adult." smh.

anyway, i also feel like a mild sense of loss whenever my friends refer to me as explicitly not a "woman?" but like "fem" feels much better? like i'm agender fem? but also i want to look like a twink (on the more feminine side, but yk) and a HELLA masc lesbian?

but i digress

This is still one of the best articles I've seen and even if you don't identify as non-binary (I don't), you can mentally replace every mention of non-binary with agender and it still works:

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary

i know it's just how i feel, but i cannot comprehend the thought of someone not liking one of the genders or caring about what gender they are (not speaking of caring what gender biologically they are) and i believe that many people are gay or trans but will never accept that and it makes me sad