Before it was changed to the bullshit "little to no sexual attraction" definition that we have now.

im really happy and proud of myself but I don't really have friends that would congratulate me on this achievement, so i wanted to share here :3

it's been a really rough and hard time after so many years using it to harm myself, I'm happy.

it feels like every day it gets easier to not relapse when i feel particularly depressed and self-hatred about my asexuality strikes, my therapist really had the right idea when told me to fully take that stuff out of my life.

While we allow screenshots of posts and interactions for venting/discussing purposes, it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that all user names outside your own and sub names are obscured! This is site-wide reddit policy to prevent brigading and harassment of others!

We don't allow brigading and harassment here, and in turn, that applies the other way around too. By engaging in this sort of behavior, all you do is affirm people's bad assumptions and opinions of you and the rest of us as a whole.

As a last note, as they are a major topic of discussion here, it's not necessary to obscure the main/other asexuality sub names in screen shots. They are aware of this and users there post screenshots of our sub as well. So long as ll user names are blocked out, that is still acceptable.

ETA- I'm going through recent posts and removing those with non-blocked users. This is something we've kind of slacked on as mods, so if you see one we missed do not hesitate to send it to us via modmail. No one is getting banned for this as of now due to mod oversight- please try to remember proper user name censoring going forward, however. Thank you!

I thought it was acephobic, but I keep seeing aphobic. Acephobic gives more of a clue to what it’s for than just a.

Yes, i think the thing with "ohhh all asexuals are so kinky" is misleading and a bad stereotype, but i think we're doing some over-correction and claiming asexuals cannot have kinks, which hear me out, see if you can follow my logic:

A lot of kinks, do include the need for a separate person to engage in them, yes. But there are a few kinks, such as clothing or item related ones, that do not require a separate person and are "self oriented" instead.

I don't think it's unfair to say someone without attraction, but has libido, could have certain things they prefer in masturbation, and those things could be self-kinks that don't include a separate person in the fantasy.

Content Warning Ahead: (p*rn mentioned)

I found the main Asexual sub to be mixed and rather unreliable, so I figured to ask here with more clear cut answers.

As a heteroromantic dude (18M), I have trouble navigating my experiences overall. Growing up I've never had the knowledge that asexuality exists or was even a real thing (mostly with conservative upbringing at play). I knew that I didn't experience sexual attraction, only ever liked the concept of it, the idea of real sex unsettled me and still does. That being said, I can't find myself regretful that I found myself in allonormative cultures such as watching pornography, checking out people, and "hear me outs" out of desire to not be known as "weird" or "gay". I found it didn't get any better when I was sold the idea that if a person didn't have sex at all, nobody liked them and that they were just a loser that deserved to be alone. I found myself stressing around the fact that I had to have sex, that since everyone was doing it there was no other choice. To be honest, I just thought that celibacy was the only "valid" explanation to friends as to why I never desired sex, this was before I found that I am Asexual. I could best describe it like how queer individuals live their lives one way, only to find they naturally don't fit that and they are in a different intersection/perspective of life.

Nowadays I just feel myself feeling true to myself, having clarity but with more questions. I know even with this sub that mostly women, trans individuals, or homoromantic men are ace, feels rather isolating overall with no heteroromantic men to relate to.

Has anyone ever had similar experiences like this? How was this handled if so? How do I continue unfolding myself from here? Do bad habits (checking women out asthetically) still stick around with the presence of previous social conditioning, or does this provide counter proof that I'm just allosexual in denial?

I can't help but think that if I knew what to ask about earlier in life and didn't just go with the flow I would've found what fits me best sooner.

i had this idea today because i was thinking on watching new shows or movies that are a bit more adult but realized there isn't a simple place to scroll like a list of "here's stuff without sex scenes", so i was thinking it would be interesting since i'm very sex repulsed and a sex scene can completely ruin enjoyment of a movie for me, i know there's other people exactly like me who could also benefit from that. Is there any place where you can make these sorts of lists?

I wish there was a way to turn off arousal or the body didn't get aroused when you didn't consent to so. It made my sexuality so confusing because i remembered getting aroused in non-consensual situations that were done to me, so inside i guilted myself as feeling like that was proof i secretly enjoyed it and wasn't asexual for real. I hate that the body can react to things you heavily dislike done to you without your consent.

I just found this community and as an asexual (apothisexual) I realized that a lot of ppl here don’t like microlabels and saying that asexuality isn’t a spectrum or that they don’t have any sexual desires like libido etc I personally do have a libido and masturbate but that doesn’t make me less ace, and asexuality is a spectrum just like everything else

"Asexual means little to no sexual attraction."

This literally translates to:

Not sexual means not sexual or a little sexual. Hm strange.

One of the most known axioms in logic is "A=A". But in this case A=A or A=c≠A. Now which one if these equations doesn't make sense? I'll make it clearer by using numbers.

Either 0=0 or 0=c, where 0<c<1.

If we assume both to be correct, as is happening a lot nowadays, the following statements are also true: I am gay because I only sometimes want sex with the opposite gender. I am vegan because I only sometimes eat meat. I am always awake because I only sometimes sleep. I am not horrible because I only sometimes commit hate crimes. (Just in case: I don't ever commit hate crimes.)

I mean, all sex acts seem unappealing to me but there's something about oral sex in particular that I just can't wrap my head around. Not to shame anyone who does it, to each their own and all that, but I couldn't think of anything more disgusting. Genitals are so ugly looking to me, especially male genitals, that I just couldn't imagine wanting to put them anywhere my mouth.

That is all.

I'm male and new to learning about my asexuality. Up until now I've just allways asumed relationships are impossible for me and refused to think about it much further than that but after seeing other people who've pulled it of on this subreddit and others like it I now realise that it doesn't have to be this way.

I've allways wanted to be really close friends with someone to the point that I can lean on them, hug them, fall asleep next to them, etc, (I don't care about their gender) but how can I have a relationship like that when almost everyone is only willing to allow their sexual/romantic partners to do those things with them and I don't want to force myself into kissing or having intercourse with anyone?

I feel like the pool of people I can have this kind of relationship with is so small that my chances are bassically 0. How do you pull it of?

i understand libido, it's some hormones in the brain that spike and make your body want to do a orgasm. That makes sense, it's dumb hormone stuff, it already does so much other annoying dumb stuff like period cramps and stuff that i can understand how it could do something like that.

But I've never in 22 years yet seen someone and been drawn to wanting to have sex with them. It's an alien concept to me, i don't understand Why I'd want that. Why I'd want to have sex with someone. And why are there preferences about it?

I understand that i find some people more pretty than others, i like people that have a good hygiene and put effort into their clothes, I like people that groom themselves well and smell nice. Women generally are more pretty than guys to my brain (maybe because a lot of guys put zero effort into those things). But I don't understand why that would be tied to sex or wanting sex. I can't make a logical explanation of why these would make sex happen.

I even understand like, pornography, ape brain sees people having sex and wants to replicate it. That makes some reasonable sense, it's copying visuals. Something made to cause arousal, causes arosal, big surprise.

But I can't understand why I'd Choose a specific partner. Why people just don't pick a random one at random if they want sex. What is that spark? what is this thing they talk about? It's so confusing.

it makes me really scared that one day i acidentally find "the one" like people claim and then i develop attraction. I really, really don't want it to happen because i would feel so fake from having told people for years i'm asexual and then randomly it happens.

​

From what I’ve observed, this flag variation is often used among aspec microlabels users and their supporters.

This isn't hate speech against greysexuals (I’m one myself); my point is that "aspec" is an umbrella term for any atypical sexual experience, even those unrelated to a lack of sexual attraction and сalling this ACE-spectrum has zero sense. Also, many microlabels under the graysexual umbrella are literally wolves in sheep's clothing: technically, they don't contradict the concept of "low attraction," but in practice, they have suspicious fix on liking and desire sex (e.g., inactsexual, placiosexual, cupiosexual).

And i'm not even mentioned such labels as caedrosexuality and acespike, which contradict the basic definitions of asexuality.

Because of these facts—and the way the sunset flag forcibly fuses graysexuality and asexuality (there’s been plenty of discussion here about why that’s a bad idea)—I’ve stopped liking it.

Honestly, I think it’s better to use the less popular combo flag for aromantic asexuals (with bottom half in ace pride colors and the top one in aro) or to use two separate flags for sexual and romantic orientation. In that case, gray aroaces would need its own distinct flag to avoid conflating with asexuality.

A minimalist option (for those ones don't like collecting labels): if you anyway don't have a romantic attraction, simply don't use a flag to represent it.

I might come across as someone who thinks the sunset flag is cursed or something, but I feel that using the older pride flags better reflects a loyality to classic views on asexuality which newest can't represent.

TW: explicit language and odd behavior

I'm really disturbed by language and rhethoric allosexuals use in daily lives. For online: I have no idea how someone can share intimate details, much more so in a gross, objectifying way. [all images I added do not reflect everything I cover in this post, but may give a general idea of certain processes occurring repeatedly, which makes it look like a psyop].

Examples: "I want a goth mommy", any fetishization of women really, saying they like to fuck <insert type of person> openly when expressing their attraction, genital jokes, ableism regarding sexual characteristics...

Also it has to be a psyop about "aroace perverts", as an nb person it reminds me of "you dont have to be androgynous"...

You can see some takes that were definitely made and someone typed them. I know this doesnt reflect the situation completely but it's how it is seen online.

In real life people are mostly keeping it to themselves unless you interact with certain groups. People can get away with a lot of stuff in the internet of course...And of course those things can be discussed in private and not with ace people, but between several allos, im not against that.

However the compromise thing is irl: genuinely disturbing how allos are this close to SA'ing someone. Like they dont realise at all, the language even reflects that. And asexual people are manipulated in relationships.

Asexual people here, you would know that of course, honestly I identified as ace for 5 years and then realised I am not one and some time later I genuinely saw that stuff online and was baffled. How can allosexuals be so ignorant.

To wrap it up, this kind of language describes people as pieces of meat and it feels so wrong.

EDIT: im posting it here because other allos would probably flame me since it's such a non-issue for them.

A more extended version of the other thread.

1. How far are you willing to watch when it comes to sex scenes? Would it be something that stops you from watching further? What about scenes that implicates it or even has nudity, but there's no actual sex going on, or bits are not showing?
2. What about non-sexual nudity? Scenes like two people simply changing clothes or even two people chatting with each other (even when one is nude), but there's no sexual tension involved whatsoever. Or even art as long as the painter, photographer present a human body in a non-sexual matter.
3. For those who are fine with non-sexual nudity, do you prefer a balance in representation in the arts field? Like, 50/50 M/F is better. Could go even further and argue for 50/50 White/Black skin.

r/nonsexual isn't currently moderated and is up for adoption. I know a lot of us think the label "nonsexual" would actually define us better than the currently corrupted asexual label, so if anyone from this subreddit is interested in being a mod please claim it so it belongs to our community.

I tried to request the subreddit but unfortunately I don't remember my password to set up 2fa as required and I can't get my account back for now so I guess that's an opportunity for someone else.