I'm 23F and I've been talking to this guy (28M) who's a final-year medical student. We aren't officially dating, but honestly, everything between us feels like a relationship.

We talk like a couple, act like one, say I love you, and he shows affection through little gestures. He cares about me, checks on me, and makes me feel special. Naturally, I've started getting emotionally attached to him.

Now here's the problem.

He has struggled with depression, anxiety and other personal issues. He's told me before that he can't fall in love, that it's almost like a curse for him. I've tried to be understanding because I know he has his own struggles.

But recently, he said something along the lines of, "If we're still in touch in the future, I'll show you this."

And I don't know why, but that "if we're still in touch" really hurt me.

It sounded like he already expects us to eventually drift apart.

So I asked him what I was supposed to do when all of this ends. He replied that I'd be fine, very fine actually, and that I'd have a good, beautiful life.

I know he probably meant to comfort me, but WTF? Does he think moving on from him would be that easy? Does he not realise how attached I've become? Is he not attached at all?

Another time, when he told me he couldn't fall in love, I asked whether he was planning to never get married. He said he'd eventually marry because he's afraid of being alone too.

And that honestly made me feel worse.

So he can imagine getting married someday, but when it comes to me, everything seems so uncertain?

I don't expect him to promise me marriage right now. But I also don't want to keep acting like someone's girlfriend, developing feelings, and getting more attached if he already knows he doesn't see a future with me.

I'm starting to feel like I'm giving him all the emotional comfort and affection of a relationship without actually having any security or commitment.

Maybe he genuinely cares about me. Maybe his mental health struggles make relationships difficult for him. I don't know. But I have feelings too, and I don't want to end up heartbroken because I ignored the signs.

Part of me wants to walk away before I get even more attached, but another part of me really doesn't want to lose him.

**Am I overthinking his words, or does it sound like he's already decided I'm not someone he sees a future with? Should I just end this situationship before it hurts even more?**

So im unemployed and job hunting (and trying to study for entrance exams on the side). I was always a night owl but it became extreme this time. I used to go to sleep at 3/4am then shifted to 6am and now it is 7/8 am. I used to wake up at 12pm that shifted to 2pm and now on a good day I can wake up before 4pm. I have tried waking up early but my body is not able to keep up after lunch and I doze off even if I tell my parents not to let me take a nap and the cycle continues. Of course my parents berate me a lot for this lifestyle.

Today somehow I started feeling drowsy around 10pm and I got so so happy and slept off. I got woken up once by my father at a random time, he was screaming asking me why I slept at such a weird time and how I haven't eaten dinner, like he was SCREAMING into my ears and trying to push and wake me up. My sleep was broken but I concentrated and forced myself to go back to sleep. Again my father comes at 12:30am and I finally got up. He just kept talking and talking and wouldnt shut up about how I slept before eating and the food will spoil outside in this heat. After eating I couldnt control myself and started crying in my room.

One day, just one day I fell asleep at a normal time. I felt so happy. I probably would wake up naturally around 2/3am but I could accept that. Why couldn't they just let me sleep in peace? After months I fell asleep at that time. I don't know how to explain why this is making me cry but everytime I remember his voice while I was trying to sleep I start crying again. I feel this lump in my throat, like I want to hit someone.

My mother had passed away back in 2020. I was 20 then. Her absence has created a huge impact on me. To top it the grief that I hold is so difficult to tackle even now. Soon her death anniversary would be coming up in a few days. I still have not come out of that loss, that absence. Sometimes i avoid, sometimes I confront, sometimes I just say a prayer out loud. Each passing day goes with her in my mind yet with a fear that as the year goes by I am forgetting her.

This above para is to let you the reader know how much her absence has shattered me. In my life i truly only had her. as my everything.

so today a niece of mine who is barely ten, legit took a moment to mock me. Perhaps mock is not even the right word to match the impact she held. i know she knows whats the state of the role of my mother in my life, so the possibility of her physical absence is obvious to her. However she took a moment to ask me where is your mother. Even thoufh I was caught off guard, I answered her sky. She further went forward where in the sky. Thats when i had started getting pissed because i saw the smirk. yet i answered “up”. she went forward with “up on the roof”. The worse part was not how ignorant she sounded. It was seeing the grin she had. She knew she was crossing the line. and she was enjoying it. I could see it through. To make matters worse, she then further takes a moment with sudden change in tone to be exact from innocent to cold tone, “I really wanna know how she died”. Now, I am an adult who has an understanding of basic behaviour to recognise what is genuine curiosity what aint. this wasnt a curiosity. To top it i know she knows my mother had passed away because she herself said when she was 2, “her mother is dead”. Even then I was hurt but everytime I reminded this is a kid we are talking about. A toddler.

As the flashbacks hit me of the time when she was 2 and how everyone in my relatives remained silent which had hurt me, I refused to let her know the story with a direct “no”. She goes and starts pleading with the same grin. Then she takes a moment and says with a mean tone which i never in my life have even received it throughout my life even when i was a kid. I dont even know how to describe the cold tone. how do i even describe the ignorance pretence yet a want to deliberately hurt you tone. “she died by choking” she even acted it out with her hands. I confronted to her that if she knows how my mother died then why are you asking me. She legit points at the kitchen and tells me go and do your work. This kid ordered me. And when i asked her am i a servant? she ignores it. a moment passes by and she suddenly drops her mean mask and goes back to the innocent niece mode.

This kid has said many mean things to me. I always honestly tolerated because it was not in my hands to correct her with strictness. I always tried my best to let her know this is bad that is right. But what more can I dk when the parent and grandparent are okay with the act.

Yet today, after saying all this, I am amazed by the cruelty. Yet I feel a sense of am I wrong to take it personal. and even if it is personal its my niece who is a kid. Then another thought strikes me, in this life my mother was mattered to by her dad the most who passed away when she was young, her mother who passed away the next month as to my mothers death, her sisters? yes but they have their own family responsibilities, her husband? my dad? yes but again he doesnt take stand around much when its about his side of family involving his birth family when the topic of concern is my mom and me. I dont have siblings. Its me alone. So in this world at present, one who puts her in no. 1 is me. It should affect me. I should take a stand. Not to torture my kid. But def to my aunt my cousin who legit after knowing the incident are showering more love and care to her all when i am in the same space as if they are legit picking sides and showing me the side they picked.

I think I should remain pissed. not by drama involving arguments as for certain family reasons we are staying togethwr for a few days. I am just not the same as i was. I used to laugh. I used to be soft spoken. I used to involve myself. Now am thinking not to indulge much. Maintain the boundary. let them know I am pissed yet do my duties involving house chores.

or am i actually overreacting?

my friend think i aint. yet i find it tough to not to think this is traumatic for even a kid to go theough. but that doesnt mean i want to hear the same kid laugh giggle grin smirk at the thought of my mothers death and take it as a joke.

​

I’m 20, turning 21 in January, and honestly, I feel like I’m falling apart. My boyfriend talks to me for a day and then disappears for 4–5 days, saying he’s mentally unwell. I understand he’s struggling too, but I feel so alone. I have no real-life friends, my family doesn’t let me go out much, and even staying at home feels suffocating. I spend most of my time studying, overthinking, and crying. I can’t even figure out my career, and I feel like I’m going nowhere while everyone else is moving forward. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I’m tired of feeling this lonely. Has anyone been through something similar? How do I get out of this situation?

I had my 1st periods in 2019... 7 years it has been... I have seen many girls dancing, jumping, running in periods and I feel so happy that they are comfortable enough in their periods... for me walking is also difficult like I feel the flow and it makes me feel so icky and uncomfortable wnv I walk uff... I genuinely want to do many things consistently but wnv I get my periods I feel disconnected from this world and break my consistency as well, can't workout, cant even walk properly today my prof saw how uncomfortable and unwell I looked so he asked me to take rest and I'm so grateful to him, but I genuinely want to be active during my periods like other girls, infact there are so many girlies doing so many things with their periods on. I feel useless... it's been 7 years still I am not used to my periods it's such a shame and I genuinely want to do things freely and be active. How do you guys deal with it.

Let me open with saying I have ADHD and so perhaps I'm not as dialled into life with the maturity and responsibility that most adults are. I'm also nearing 36 so it's an abomination to be this way, but I can't help it.

I grew up in a very conservative family. My parents had a marriage that grew from toxic to downright hateful, with my father being very emotionally abusive, and my mother basically trauma dumping on us siblings for years on end while we tried to counsel her. I grew into a people pleaser while simultaneously craving autonomy, and so when I moved out I would use that to excessively spend on food and binge as a coping mechanism as life hit one roadblock after the other.

Soon I got married after years of being rejected because of my looks. I knew I was never pretty but I didn't think I was straight up ugly ? I even visited plastic surgeons to fix my face. So when I met my husband who from the outset was funny, charming and gregarious, his eventual red flags (silent treatment and the unwillingness to discuss to later, snarky comments, mood swings all of which I grew up with in a family member ) I actually thought I could work with them and resolve them over the course of the marriage. He was also profusely affectionate and would say things that would make you feel you were the center of his world.

We got married and there were many issues, behaviorally with him. Ever think of how you decide to broach a topic with someone and you assume, rationally that their response would be maybe one of three you already envisioned in your head? Yeah, his would be completely different. Blame deflection, minimization, silent treatment, the works. I went through many, many issues, completely withdrew and at one point my father had to step in for a very specific arrangement that drew out for too long. I had many emotional outbursts and felt like I was losing my mind.

My husband got better with time, and I would get comfortable, then some outburst would occur and I would be on edge again. I never actively planned children with him because my head was filled with doubts. I would have no one to talk to outside of a therapist I eventually found, and I felt I was hitting dead ends there although we made some progress together.

Through the course of these 6 years, I have found myself just daydreaming of a time and place where I'm free. I'm single, moved back to India, I'm doing my thing. This daydream helps me deal with the little sandpours of resentment because I'm zooming in on every disagreement and internally giving up. I'm detached yet functional. I still try to do nice things for him and be a good wife although I'm not a mother and I'm sure that makes him sad. But I'm getting my fertility check ups done and trying to lose weight. But all this feels like I'm floating through my own life.

I know the obvious answer from this short summary is to leave. But I see the nicer side of him, the side that at least understands my professional struggles, my passion for my field, my interests in art, science and learning and my general comportment. And the side that's encouraging and warm for me to succeed. And I wonder if I'm being unfair. And I try to coax myself to not feel that way.

I had to give up therapy after losing access to my insurance after losing my job. So I'm genuinely lost. Life has been serving me the full buffet, and I just don't know if I can take it any more.

I’m married to another nationality since 2019.
we dated on off online for 14 years.

after i got married to him and moved in his house in dubai. Slowly slowly shit hit the fan, ultimately I realised his mother is passive aggressive and he doesn’t like taking support for me.

also quite a few times I have caught him lying to me for his sister or scheming badly against me in a way that will break your trust in a relationship.

the thing is I left my job as after i got major depression and severe anxiety disorder.

i still live with him. We moved to canada. I have cut all contact with his family because this loser cannot give me respect or take my stand. whenever i confronted him he said i have made mistakes in the past if there is a situation where i need him to cover me or atleast not put me in a spot he fails

i am finding it so hard to stand again on my feet.

i cannot go back to my old job bcc i developed physical health issues which has limited me like stairs and stuff and I was a physiotherapist before

how can I begin again, i want to be independent again to be able to leave him now.

i just want to leave him.

What in the holy fuck is wrong with the Indian Judiciary? A guy can enter your house, press your mouth so that you don’t shout, lie down on you and that fucking apparently counts as ‘outraging modesty’????????????

Ladies, the judge, JUSTICE SANDEEP KUMAR said and I quote ‘Indecent assaults are often magnified into attempts at rape.” And ‘it cannot be held that he had gone beyond the stage of preparation”

When the judges themselves make excuses for attackers and downplay violent crimes, how are women supposed to feel safe? This system is completely broken.

These out-of-touch-with-reality boomer judges are completely delusional and are operating with an archaic, backward mindset that constantly gives attackers the benefit of the doubt. They need to be called out loudly for minimizing violent crimes and treating terrifying violations like minor technicalities.

My husband recently listed all the problems he has with me. He said I am neither supportive, responsible, motivating, nor inspiring. He said I should be with a mediocre guy instead of trying to be with an ambitious guy.

He said the work I do, like cooking, cleaning, and laundry, can be replaced by a maid, and no one would want to marry someone like me. The only thing worth appreciating is the effort I put into taking care of our child.

If I complain that household work takes me five hours a day, he says I should be smart enough to figure out how to finish it in two hours.

He also brought up divorce and said I shouldn't ask for alimony because he never stopped me from working and always encouraged me to aim for FAANG instead of prioritizing WLB.

I earn $180K (previously $150K), and he earns around $500K. When we got married, he was earning around $260K. I moved from India to the US on an H4 visa and have been working for six years. I've transferred all my earnings to him over the years, and I currently have around $20K in my account.

Our monthly expenses, including investments, are around $14K, excluding travel and visits from parents. He says I should calculate whether I can afford to live on the West Coast, where rent is around $3K and childcare is another $3K, and figure out whether I can afford to keep even one of our investments. He says all the investments are from his money and I should be grateful for the luxurious lifestyle he provided.

He says I took him for granted and abused him. One example was when I asked him to put our child to sleep because we're weaning, and the child settles with him within five minutes but keeps asking me for milk. He started shouting and said this was an example of how I abuse him by handing over responsibilities instead of learning to do better myself.

I know I have shortcomings, but I feel like everything I do is being dismissed.

Am I looking at this situation objectively, or am I missing something?

i [24F] honestly don’t even know where to begin. my social life has never been that great, and i ended up investing so much of my time and energy into one person who was both my boyfriend and my friend. (he still thinks i am his gf because he gets really upset whenever i talk to another man) we kind of broke up, but he keeps coming back into my life, insisting that we can still be friends, even when i’ve tried to end things. i always end up letting him back in, only to deal with his lies and the same cycle all over again. (if not he’ll come to my house and manipulate me unless his family or some of his friends plan something then he wont care that i’m upset)
recently, something happened that hurt me enough to finally decide that i was done. but he came back again and told me that, at the very least, i had to talk to him for my birthday and that he couldn’t let things end like this.
somehow, i ended up going out with him. he bought me an expensive gift that i never even wanted, but i felt pressured to keep it because whenever we’re out in public, he creates a scene and makes things unnecessarily dramatic.
and now he’s back to enjoying his life as usual (because he thinks everything is fine , he blocked me aswell because weekend is coming he’ll enjoy it with friends and family and he’ll completely ignore me) , barely giving me any attention. i feel like he’ll probably show up around my birthday, cut the cake with me, and then go right back to his life as though nothing happened. meanwhile, i’m sitting here feeling awful, wondering why i keep allowing someone who hurts me to have so much access to me. the worst part is that i don’t feel like i have anyone else, (one of my close friends also decided to cut ties with me because he thought i wasnt treating him right after his ‘breakup’ ) . i actually want to celebrate my birthday with my family, but i feel like they don’t want to put much effort into making my day special either. for the longest time, this one person was around, and even though he only ever did the bare minimum for my birthdays, i think my family got used to having him there. now, it feels like they don’t feel the need to make an effort themselves because they know he’ll show up and do something, even if it’s not what i actually want.
the thing is, this person has hurt me intentionally, and i’m tired of having him around just because he might do something for my birthday. i don’t want to depend on someone who hurts me to feel special on my own birthday. i want my family to want to celebrate me, to put some thought into my day, and to make me feel loved without someone else having to step in. i don’t want anything extravagant or expensive. i just want to feel like my birthday matters to the people around me, too.
but if i refuse to celebrate with them, i’m afraid i’ll be labelled as someone who’s throwing a tantrum or demanding attention on her birthday. so i feel like i’m left with two choices: either pretend to be happy and celebrate with people i don’t feel emotionally connected to, or spend my birthday alone and feel even more miserable.
i think what hurts the most is that i spent so much of my time investing in this one person, and now i feel like i’ve been left with nothing. he’s out there enjoying his life, and i’m struggling to get through mine. i know i should probably stop letting him back in, but it’s difficult when your social life is already so limited and the thought of losing another person feels awful, even when that person is hurting you.
i don’t even know what i want anymore. part of me doesn’t want him anywhere near me, and another part of me is hurt that he doesn’t seem to care about what i’m going through. i hate that i even care.
i don’t want an expensive gift. i don’t want a forced birthday celebration. i just want to feel like someone genuinely cares about me without me having to beg for it or feel guilty for having feelings.
i don’t know what i’m looking for by posting this. maybe i just want to hear from people who’ve been in a similar situation. have you ever felt so lonely that you kept allowing someone back into your life even though you knew they weren’t good for you? how did you finally break that cycle? and what would you do in my position, especially with your birthday coming up?
i’m turning 25, and i feel embarrassed that i’m even in this situation. i just feel really, really alone right now.

tldr: my birthday is in five days, and i feel alone.

First of all my reproductive cycle is a mess. I have a cycle of 21 days usually but this time I didn't get my period. Last sexual contact was on 9th october between me and my bf. Usually he rubbed his male organ against me while I was wearing panty. I know this can't cause pregnancy. We didn't have PIV. However I still didn't get my period. Also I took a urine pregnancy test it came negative. I took a beta hcg test it came as negative. I honestly dk what to do. When should I take the test again ? I am late by 2 days for period. 24F

i’m a lawyer and i work within a huge court in a very junior position which means i have to walk like A LOT everyday. i’ve been wearing heels to court and my legs hurt so bad. all my formal footwear are heels. i want to buy some nice and comfortable black shoes that go with the court uniform. want to be able to walk comfortably or ever run in them if necessary. NO BUDGET LIMIT. need good quality.

Lemme share you my personal experience about how to find out that the guy you're dating is cheating on you!

So last year, I got a random insta DM and the guy looked genuine, was working in a PSU, and was a solid 2/10 which made him look like a very humble and genuine person. We started talking, I fell for him, and he did every possible efforts to make me happy. Not the "lemme get you flowers" kinda efforts but this guy actually travelled every month for about 2000km just to see me, brought me my favourite books, flowers, took me out on dates, was available emotionally too, was very supportive for my career, and above all, he was an empath too(or atleast he portrayed as if he was one).

Everything made me fall for him but one thing always looked shady, the fact that he was "too good to be true" and he said that he never had an ex(c'mon bro you're already 28). This was kinda surprising for me, so after talking for a few months, I got to know about his college/friends etc, and one day, out of the blue I searched for his facebook, and bamm! That was it.

It was very hard for me to get his id, since his name is wayyy tooo common and he didn't keep his surname there(smartass) but I got his ID from his college friend's friend list.

I found a girl in his every post, and it was obvious that those guys were dating at that point. I searched for that girl's instagram and texted her. I genuinely never expected any reply, and i thought this might have been just another college fling or anything, but she texted back, and bruh, both of them were dating for 8 looong years!

I was shocked, she was shocked too because both of them broke up back in 2024 but he still used to call/text her begging her to come back. And according to her, they broke up because she found dating apps in his phone, although she never got any solid proof of him cheating on her.

We decided to have a conference call and he was embarrassed af, but them they guy accepted of not moving on from her, and begged me to stay and promised that he will change this time and we will start afresh. He even gave her a clousure and both of them blocked each other. The guy also deactivated his account. I was not able to detach myself abut then I gaslighted myself into thinking he would change. After a few months, I saw him getting a call from a girl and he told me that she's his colleague. My trust was already in hell so I searched for her on insta too, and altough she had a very low-key social media presence I was able to find her(a very salty story btw) and again, I got to know the guy was dating her as well.

This time, I left him for good but I was in contact with both of his ex, so we decided to text every girl we suspected.

I remember going through his following list once, and I texted almost 3 girls on whom I had a doubt and turned out my starts was always by my side, the guy was dating all of us!

CRAZYYYYYY RIGHT!

All of us made a group, got to know how we were fooled, a girl who was with him for 3 years filed a case on him, and totally ruined his image in his office, we even reached out to his family as well.

But this means it's very urgent for us woman to atleast have a group to verify if we are dating the same guy. I remember the guy I was dating was also mentioning about arranged marriage, and in case it happens, his wife would never know that she's married to a jerk.

Recently I read about Dr.Cuterus case too, imagine how much of a courage it needs to start dating again after divorce and poor girl was betrayed again. I don't feel sorry for her, rather I am happy she got to know about it before her marriage.

Forget tinder/bumble, the next big business idea would be designing an app to verify if we are dating a cheater/scammer!😭

She never posted his face, and he got away with dating multiple women and cheating on her. Thankfully, another observant girl recognised his watch in Dr. Cuterus's post and informed her about his flings.

I can't stop thinking had she posted his face very early on she could've been saved from his deceit and lies. And no, this is NOT victim blaming. The cheater is responsible for cheating, but we also need to talk about how keeping men hidden in the name of nazar can sometimes protect the wrong people.

Something similar happened in my family. My cousin's family hid the rishta because they believed in nazar and planned to reveal everything after the engagement. The guy turned out to be a scammer. One of my uncles recognised him and warned them. Imagine what could have happened if they revealed his face on the wedding day itself. She's in so much trauma now that it breaks my heart.

Why are we so obsessed with hiding a man's identity until the rishta is finalised? What are we protecting? His lies?

In the US, women have used online groups to share pics of men they were dating and find out if other women were seeing the same person. Women in India should have a way to warn each other about men who lie, cheat or r\*pe, provided the information is verified.

Men demand virgin wives with no past while hiding their own pasts. We really need to do something about this and protect the lives of women from such filthy men. Not only do they carry STDs but they're highly abusive too to the point many women have lost their lives. You can never tell if the person you're marrying is even a good being. By the time they discover, it's too late and they already have his kids. No women should carry forward the bloodline of such men.

Do you think we should have some app to expose such men and save the lies of women?

I live in an another country & I keep visiting India time to time and I am in a 4 year long relationship with my boyfriend (26M) & he is an absolute gem.
When we are doing LDR, we speak a lot and are way better connected but when we meet IRL, we don’t have quality conversations. We’re not having things to talk about because atleast from my POV, I’m still getting used to the idea of seeing him & panicking about having to go home or he is busy with his weekday job and I’m just hanging out around him.

I have absolutely no qualms about the man, he is an amazing person but I panick that when we get married it will be as awkward as it gets now.

Would love to know how other women handle it or if it is a me problem.

I have this male friend who thinks rape jokes in his friend circle referring to other friends (guys) is okay because the intentions aren't bad within the circle.

And idk what to think?

I know rape jokes are part of rape culture. I know it trivialises rape.

But he is just not getting that part!? And therefore think it's okay?

Usually I don't have guy friends and only have male acquaintances I'm friendly with... I feel kinda shitty someone I'm close to is not understanding what I wanna say...

Edit: he really thinks saying "if murder jokes are okay why aren't rape jokes okay" is a good point btw

It is fascinating how quickly society shifts its logic depending on gender.

If a woman makes a minor driving mistake on the road, people instantly generalize an entire gender: "Women can't drive," "Papa ki pari," or turning it into an everyday meme. One incident becomes proof for millions of women without second thought.

Ironically, official Indian road transport data (MoRTH and city traffic reports) consistently shows that nearly 85% to 90% of fatal road crashes and casualties involve male drivers, while women account for only around 10% to 15%. Even when factoring in the total number of license holders, reckless and aggressive driving is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Yet, you will never see society tagging all men as "incapable of driving" because of these numbers.

But the moment horrifying, recurring issues like sexual assault, violence, or abuse come up, collective accountability vanishes into thin air. Suddenly, everyone rushes in with the "Not all men" defense, demanding individual nuance, exceptions, and benefit of the doubt.

Generalization becomes completely acceptable only when it is used to mock, demean, or put down women over trivial things. Yet, when women raise genuine safety concerns about systematic behavioral patterns, asking for basic accountability is immediately labeled as unfair hatred.

For the past few weeks, I (26F) have had the misfortune of coming across men online blatantly generalising women and just spewing hate. Some of the most vile posts concerning body count, virginity, straight relationships etc. can be found over here.

Now, I’m not saying this sub is free of that. I’ve seen both extremes, but the reality of the world is that misandry makes men uncomfortable while misogyny results in true evil.

Here’s what I think women should NOT do: engage with such posts. Give any sort of attention to incel/manosphere related content. Do not comment, do not share. This holds for all social media. This is also why, as much as I want to, I will not be sharing any post links. Men need to hold each other accountable, this is NOT anyone else’s responsibility. None of the men making these vile posts care about a woman’s opinion right now. They just do not care.

Now coming what we SHOULD do: improve each other. Leave no scope for complaint. If you spot another woman making irrational arguments about anyone, approach with empathy, but be constructive.

Please make no mistake, this isn’t yet another societal expectation on women. In fact I am saying we women need to shed this responsibility of teaching men unless they are children.

Same as title

My bf and i are in talks of getting married. Our families will meet for the first time soon.
I want some advice on how to set boundaries (specifically about living separately after marriage) with in laws.
As its a love marriage i can not simply put forward my demands and ask them to comply or move on. I want to do it gracefully and want to make it work.

Context:
My bf and i live in the same city as his maternal grandparents. They are very old and cant live independently. My bf currently lives with them and i live separately as we aren’t married yet.

This couple is really attached to their home and dont wanna move anywhere. They dont want to live with my bf’s mother (she tried). And bf’s maternal uncle is living abroad.

So my future MIL wants that we live together with them after marriage, so that they are taken care of.

My problems:
1. ⁠Their place is pretty far from office. Would be a long commute everyday.
2. ⁠No privacy. No independence.
3. ⁠They expect me to dress more modestly than my regular clothes in front of elder family members. If they live together I’ll have to dress like that all the time which im not comfortable with.
4. ⁠Its a pretty old home, which is hard to adjust in.

My bf has tried to explain this to his mother and sometimes she understands.
But sometimes she tries to emotionally pressure us to live with them as there is no one else to take care for them.

She hasn’t explicitly asked me personally. Only said that it’ll be preferred but upto us when this topic came up while i was present. I just smiled and said nothing.

My bf doesn’t want to fight more before marriage. He wants everything to happen peacefully so that his family doesn’t go against our match.
He says that after we are married he’ll be able to set boundaries more strictly without the fear.

Advice on anything me/my family/bf could do better in this situation?

​

I had a friend who was genuinely a good friend to me. One day, she randomly snatched my phone and started going through my gallery. I’ve never been comfortable with people checking my phone, and I specifically requested her multiple times not to scroll through my gallery because there were some personal things I didn’t want anyone to see. I’m in a secret relationship, and I obviously don’t want people finding out about it.

But she kept laughing and scrolling despite me repeatedly asking her to stop. She even saw some embarrassing pictures of me that were in my recents because my boyfriend wanted to tease me. Well, then I finally took my phone back and told her that I wasn’t comfortable with people going through my phone. Even my parents respect my privacy and understand my need for personal space.

Her response? She said she had actually wanted to open Spotify. And then she went on to explain how she doesn’t let anyone look through her gallery either because she has personal things she doesn’t want people to see. She literally has the same boundaries as me, but somehow couldn’t respect mine. Like, girl, if you understand the importance of privacy and personal boundaries, why would you violate someone else’s?

Anyway, moving on. The other day, I was showing her something on my phone, probably a meme or something, and she asked me to hand it over. I refused because, honestly, after what happened last time, I wasn’t comfortable doing that anymore. I understand that she might have felt hurt, but Later, when I wasn’t around, she told my roommate that I had SNATCHED my phone away from her. She was obviously upset about it, and I felt so guilty that I apologised to her multiple times. But the thing is, I never even gave her my phone to begin with!

And even after that, whenever something related to phones came up, she would taunt me by saying things like, “Oh, you’re not going to give me your phone anyway,” and laugh it off as a joke. But it genuinely wasn’t funny to me.

What happened, happened. Why do people keep bringing things up from the past just to make someone feel guilty all over again? Why do you want me to feel bad repeatedly for doing something as basic and healthy as setting a boundary?

The thing is, even though I was angry about what happened, I never insulted her, guilt-tripped her, raised my voice at her, or tried to make her feel bad about herself. I simply took my phone back and expressed my discomfort.

I genuinely didn’t know that having boundaries was such a bad thing.

I’ve always struggled with setting boundaries. In the past, when I didn’t have any, people took advantage of me and exploited my kindness. Now that I’ve started standing up for myself and protecting my peace, people talk behind my back. And to make things worse, half the things I hear about myself aren’t even things I’ve done.

Like, what am I even supposed to do at this point? 🥲

TLDR:My friend invaded my privacy, got upset when I started protecting my boundaries, made herself look like the victim, and kept making passive-aggressive comments about it. I’m genuinely tired of people making me feel guilty for having boundaries when all I’ve ever wanted was to be treated with the same respect I give them. Also this is the edited version as my post got removed so had to fully translate the partially english text

i was just thinking about high school and my blunder years, when i remembered this one incident where this teacher started raging at a her all because she wore eyeliner to class that day. the rant just didn’t stop at the eyeliner, but went up to her upbringing, her character, her “intentions”, and all in front of a classroom of kids who were barely 14. i was just thinking about what she was implying. yk she was implying that by wearing eyeliner, she was trying to get the boys’ attention, and she as an adult woman is preaching this to a classroom full of teenagers! like in the 21st century, where we are literally the most scientifically advanced generation ever, why are we okay with this?

this isn’t just a one off thing. i remember i had teachers berate me because i wore nail polish to school, or having my hair in just pigtails and not tying my pigtails up because “it attracted attention” or telling me my uniform was too tight. all this would happen in an institution that was supposed to empower us and alleviate the gender gap. i really regret not voicing out against all this, but i was a pretty cowardly teenager.

I often hear that after a long period of hardship, good things happen and everything gets better . But when will this hardship end ?

My life has always been like this , my parents ruined my whole childhood with their fights, I had anxiety from a very young age , never felt safe around adults , grew up with my guards on , had 1st relationship in school, but I was too reserved to be in a relationship and it got over . After 3 years I got into a relationship where I finally opened up , I gave it my all , got anxiously attached, my anxiety got worse in LDR , had frequent fights and broke up again, I'm still stunned coz one day he was the sweetest person ever and now he doesn't wanna talk , we are going no contact, same person who used get so worried about every single think doesn't wanna do anything with me.. doesn't wanna work on this , nothing, we planned out life together , talked about everything , but everything is over now. I have done bachelors only , had 2 years of gap and still preparing for exams , my batchmates from college and school are living their life , one of my college friend is moving to Florida right now . I'm feeling so lost , I feel like every time i dream about anything and want so bad in life , I see someone else living that thing ... I have no life , no friends, no social life , i can't talk to someone without practicing in my mind and still stuttering after all that . I was never good at studies, never participated in anything in school, no dance , music , sports. Is there any way to change things ? If someone has lived anything like this , can you please help me or suggest anything that worked for you?

I genuinely want to understand why some women feel the need to shame other women for wearing makeup.

At my workplace, we have an early-morning shift because we work according to another country's time zone. Recently, I noticed some female colleagues making fun of a girl who came to the office wearing makeup. They were making comments like, “Who even gets the time to put on makeup after waking up so early?” and questioning why she would bother doing it.

Like, girl, why does it bother you so much? 😭

If someone enjoys wearing makeup, feels confident in it, or simply likes getting ready before leaving the house, what's the problem? It's a personal choice. Nobody is forcing you to wear it.

What makes it even more ironic is that these same women will happily put on makeup for festivals, weddings, parties, and other events. So makeup is acceptable when you're dressing up for a special occasion, but suddenly it's something to make fun of when another woman wears it to the office on a regular day??

Why? What's so shameful about wearing makeup on an ordinary Tuesday morning?

And honestly, if someone is willing to wake up a little earlier because they enjoy doing their makeup, why is that something to mock? Maybe it makes them feel good about themselves. Maybe it's part of their routine. Maybe they simply LIKE IT. They don't owe anyone an explanation.