She never posted his face, and he got away with dating multiple women and cheating on her. Thankfully, another observant girl recognised his watch in Dr. Cuterus's post and informed her about his flings.

I can't stop thinking had she posted his face very early on she could've been saved from his deceit and lies. And no, this is NOT victim blaming. The cheater is responsible for cheating, but we also need to talk about how keeping men hidden in the name of nazar can sometimes protect the wrong people.

Something similar happened in my family. My cousin's family hid the rishta because they believed in nazar and planned to reveal everything after the engagement. The guy turned out to be a scammer. One of my uncles recognised him and warned them. Imagine what could have happened if they revealed his face on the wedding day itself. She's in so much trauma now that it breaks my heart.

Why are we so obsessed with hiding a man's identity until the rishta is finalised? What are we protecting? His lies?

In the US, women have used online groups to share pics of men they were dating and find out if other women were seeing the same person. Women in India should have a way to warn each other about men who lie, cheat or r\*pe, provided the information is verified.

Men demand virgin wives with no past while hiding their own pasts. We really need to do something about this and protect the lives of women from such filthy men. Not only do they carry STDs but they're highly abusive too to the point many women have lost their lives. You can never tell if the person you're marrying is even a good being. By the time they discover, it's too late and they already have his kids. No women should carry forward the bloodline of such men.

Do you think we should have some app to expose such men and save the lies of women?

I have this male friend who thinks rape jokes in his friend circle referring to other friends (guys) is okay because the intentions aren't bad within the circle.

And idk what to think?

I know rape jokes are part of rape culture. I know it trivialises rape.

But he is just not getting that part!? And therefore think it's okay?

Usually I don't have guy friends and only have male acquaintances I'm friendly with... I feel kinda shitty someone I'm close to is not understanding what I wanna say...

i was just thinking about high school and my blunder years, when i remembered this one incident where this teacher started raging at a her all because she wore eyeliner to class that day. the rant just didn’t stop at the eyeliner, but went up to her upbringing, her character, her “intentions”, and all in front of a classroom of kids who were barely 14. i was just thinking about what she was implying. yk she was implying that by wearing eyeliner, she was trying to get the boys’ attention, and she as an adult woman is preaching this to a classroom full of teenagers! like in the 21st century, where we are literally the most scientifically advanced generation ever, why are we okay with this?

this isn’t just a one off thing. i remember i had teachers berate me because i wore nail polish to school, or having my hair in just pigtails and not tying my pigtails up because “it attracted attention” or telling me my uniform was too tight. all this would happen in an institution that was supposed to empower us and alleviate the gender gap. i really regret not voicing out against all this, but i was a pretty cowardly teenager.

It is fascinating how quickly society shifts its logic depending on gender.

If a woman makes a minor driving mistake on the road, people instantly generalize an entire gender: "Women can't drive," "Papa ki pari," or turning it into an everyday meme. One incident becomes proof for millions of women without second thought.

Ironically, official Indian road transport data (MoRTH and city traffic reports) consistently shows that nearly 85% to 90% of fatal road crashes and casualties involve male drivers, while women account for only around 10% to 15%. Even when factoring in the total number of license holders, reckless and aggressive driving is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Yet, you will never see society tagging all men as "incapable of driving" because of these numbers.

But the moment horrifying, recurring issues like sexual assault, violence, or abuse come up, collective accountability vanishes into thin air. Suddenly, everyone rushes in with the "Not all men" defense, demanding individual nuance, exceptions, and benefit of the doubt.

Generalization becomes completely acceptable only when it is used to mock, demean, or put down women over trivial things. Yet, when women raise genuine safety concerns about systematic behavioral patterns, asking for basic accountability is immediately labeled as unfair hatred.

For the past few weeks, I (26F) have had the misfortune of coming across men online blatantly generalising women and just spewing hate. Some of the most vile posts concerning body count, virginity, straight relationships etc. can be found over here.

Now, I’m not saying this sub is free of that. I’ve seen both extremes, but the reality of the world is that misandry makes men uncomfortable while misogyny results in true evil.

Here’s what I think women should NOT do: engage with such posts. Give any sort of attention to incel/manosphere related content. Do not comment, do not share. This holds for all social media. This is also why, as much as I want to, I will not be sharing any post links. Men need to hold each other accountable, this is NOT anyone else’s responsibility. None of the men making these vile posts care about a woman’s opinion right now. They just do not care.

Now coming what we SHOULD do: improve each other. Leave no scope for complaint. If you spot another woman making irrational arguments about anyone, approach with empathy, but be constructive.

Please make no mistake, this isn’t yet another societal expectation on women. In fact I am saying we women need to shed this responsibility of teaching men unless they are children.

My bf and i are in talks of getting married. Our families will meet for the first time soon.
I want some advice on how to set boundaries (specifically about living separately after marriage) with in laws.
As its a love marriage i can not simply put forward my demands and ask them to comply or move on. I want to do it gracefully and want to make it work.

Context:
My bf and i live in the same city as his maternal grandparents. They are very old and cant live independently. My bf currently lives with them and i live separately as we aren’t married yet.

This couple is really attached to their home and dont wanna move anywhere. They dont want to live with my bf’s mother (she tried). And bf’s maternal uncle is living abroad.

So my future MIL wants that we live together with them after marriage, so that they are taken care of.

My problems:
1. ⁠Their place is pretty far from office. Would be a long commute everyday.
2. ⁠No privacy. No independence.
3. ⁠They expect me to dress more modestly than my regular clothes in front of elder family members. If they live together I’ll have to dress like that all the time which im not comfortable with.
4. ⁠Its a pretty old home, which is hard to adjust in.

My bf has tried to explain this to his mother and sometimes she understands.
But sometimes she tries to emotionally pressure us to live with them as there is no one else to take care for them.

She hasn’t explicitly asked me personally. Only said that it’ll be preferred but upto us when this topic came up while i was present. I just smiled and said nothing.

My bf doesn’t want to fight more before marriage. He wants everything to happen peacefully so that his family doesn’t go against our match.
He says that after we are married he’ll be able to set boundaries more strictly without the fear.

Advice on anything me/my family/bf could do better in this situation?

I’ve suffered from period pains since puberty.Do you know what a female gynecologist told me when I finally went to see her? "Bacha hone k baad period pain kam ho jata hai" (Period pain reduces after having a baby).

Mind you, I was literally a teenager at the time. And it’s not just me—so many of my friends have been fed the exact same copy-pasted line.

The absolute dismissal of women's health is one of the main reasons I am terrified of ever navigating pregnancy in this country. If they don't care about a teenager suffering, how will they treat a pregnant woman?And don't get me started on the fear-mongering via gyaneacs that many Indian women go through to have a baby ASAP once married.

Hot take, but the regressive, pro-baby mindset of Indian society is a massive cash cow for these gynecologists. Medicalizing marriage and rushing women into childbirth makes them a significant amount of money. Why on earth would they ever challenge a patriarchal system that actively fills their pockets?

I went in for an abdominal USG today regarding an UTI, and the doctor kept asking me if I was married or unmarried. I told him I was unmarried, but didn't reveal about my sexual activity since I thought that was irrelevant. After that, he kept asking if I was sure that I was unmarried and whether I had regular periods. I said yes, I never skipped a period until now. To that he replied, I don't think you are telling the truth (I was). Then he told me to go, and while walking out I heard him tell the assistant to write down that I had "partially imperforate hymen." Can someone tell me what that could mean? Can sexual activity be determined through abdominal USG? He also referred me to a gynaecologist, btw.

I genuinely want to understand why some women feel the need to shame other women for wearing makeup.

At my workplace, we have an early-morning shift because we work according to another country's time zone. Recently, I noticed some female colleagues making fun of a girl who came to the office wearing makeup. They were making comments like, “Who even gets the time to put on makeup after waking up so early?” and questioning why she would bother doing it.

Like, girl, why does it bother you so much? 😭

If someone enjoys wearing makeup, feels confident in it, or simply likes getting ready before leaving the house, what's the problem? It's a personal choice. Nobody is forcing you to wear it.

What makes it even more ironic is that these same women will happily put on makeup for festivals, weddings, parties, and other events. So makeup is acceptable when you're dressing up for a special occasion, but suddenly it's something to make fun of when another woman wears it to the office on a regular day??

Why? What's so shameful about wearing makeup on an ordinary Tuesday morning?

And honestly, if someone is willing to wake up a little earlier because they enjoy doing their makeup, why is that something to mock? Maybe it makes them feel good about themselves. Maybe it's part of their routine. Maybe they simply LIKE IT. They don't owe anyone an explanation.

I know I'll get hate for this but just needed to rant. For some reason my Reddit is showing me all these AM posts from men on subs that are mostly like r4r for AM. I was curious so I started reading the posts. I swear 90% of them are written by AI and all say the EXACT same thing. They want to "meet someone genuine and build a connection". They "value kindness, being humble, and nurturing". They also want a woman who respects traditional values, which reflects "emotional maturity, communication and growth".

The girl must be vegetarian and not smoke or drink of course. He doesn't, and he's never been in a relationship before, and expects the same.

Obviously, in the comments when they stop using AI it comes out pretty quick what exactly they're actually looking for. If he works a whole 8 hours a day (!!!! wow!!!) she should be expected to take care of the kids and house completely, just like his mom did in her perfectly happy marriage. After all it's hardly any work, just cleaning a few dishes. Anyone could do it! He would, except it would be a waste of his god-given talent.

And he won't take an uneducated girl, oh no, she must have a good education and career but leave it to be a housewife. Someone called him out in the comments and of course he started hurling abuses...

Then there are the complaint posts about how hard it is to find a girl. There was this one post I just read, this guy, he went to IIT so therefore he has worked harder than any girl. He matched with a shallow girl who only wanted to talk about her dumb MBA that must have been handed to her by her rich parents, instead of his erudite and fascinating interests (AI, AI, engineering, and being from IIT, oh and did I mention AI?).

Of course, he is from an important and orthodox caste and must marry within it. Yes, that's right, he got everything he had from his hard work, unlike this shallow bitch who had everything handed to her on a silver platter. After all, he had to get a good JEE score while fighting those nasty reservation takers! Meanwhile, she only makes a meagre 5 lpa!

Yes, this is my fault for going down the rabbit hole on those subs. I shall now get off reddit as I should have done in the first place.

Obligatory: I made this up and it doesn't refer to any real posts. Please don't say I deserve to be XXXed or worse in my dms.

Today I found out that I cannot use standard colored or non colored contacts lenses. While it may not be a big deal to most people, it hurts me so bad because I've been wearing glasses my whole life (since I was 2 or 3). As I've gotten older and gotten into makeup, I realised my glasses were getting in the way. I cannot see much without them and they're a part of my daily life now. I thought I had a choice to switch to contacts all this time, but I don't. I have high astigmatism (CYL > -3.00 dioptre) and I need special toric lenses which are expensive. My other option is to wear colored contacts and then glasses on top. I just feel so devastated. Nobody notices my eyeshadow or my stick on lashes or anything because of my damn glasses. I feel so incredibly sad.

​

I had a friend who was genuinely a good friend to me. One day, she randomly snatched my phone and started going through my gallery. I’ve never been comfortable with people checking my phone, and I specifically requested her multiple times not to scroll through my gallery because there were some personal things I didn’t want anyone to see. I’m in a secret relationship, and I obviously don’t want people finding out about it.

But she kept laughing and scrolling despite me repeatedly asking her to stop. She even saw some embarrassing pictures of me that were in my recents because my boyfriend wanted to tease me. Well, then I finally took my phone back and told her that I wasn’t comfortable with people going through my phone. Even my parents respect my privacy and understand my need for personal space.

Her response? She said she had actually wanted to open Spotify. And then she went on to explain how she doesn’t let anyone look through her gallery either because she has personal things she doesn’t want people to see. She literally has the same boundaries as me, but somehow couldn’t respect mine. Like, girl, if you understand the importance of privacy and personal boundaries, why would you violate someone else’s?

Anyway, moving on. The other day, I was showing her something on my phone, probably a meme or something, and she asked me to hand it over. I refused because, honestly, after what happened last time, I wasn’t comfortable doing that anymore. I understand that she might have felt hurt, but Later, when I wasn’t around, she told my roommate that I had SNATCHED my phone away from her. She was obviously upset about it, and I felt so guilty that I apologised to her multiple times. But the thing is, I never even gave her my phone to begin with!

And even after that, whenever something related to phones came up, she would taunt me by saying things like, “Oh, you’re not going to give me your phone anyway,” and laugh it off as a joke. But it genuinely wasn’t funny to me.

What happened, happened. Why do people keep bringing things up from the past just to make someone feel guilty all over again? Why do you want me to feel bad repeatedly for doing something as basic and healthy as setting a boundary?

The thing is, even though I was angry about what happened, I never insulted her, guilt-tripped her, raised my voice at her, or tried to make her feel bad about herself. I simply took my phone back and expressed my discomfort.

I genuinely didn’t know that having boundaries was such a bad thing.

I’ve always struggled with setting boundaries. In the past, when I didn’t have any, people took advantage of me and exploited my kindness. Now that I’ve started standing up for myself and protecting my peace, people talk behind my back. And to make things worse, half the things I hear about myself aren’t even things I’ve done.

Like, what am I even supposed to do at this point? 🥲

TLDR:My friend invaded my privacy, got upset when I started protecting my boundaries, made herself look like the victim, and kept making passive-aggressive comments about it. I’m genuinely tired of people making me feel guilty for having boundaries when all I’ve ever wanted was to be treated with the same respect I give them. Also this is the edited version as my post got removed so had to fully translate the partially english text

This is for my girls who are fighting for better! there is hope I promise

This is not a brag. This is not hate. There are lovely people on both sides and that’s what and who we celebrate.

I dated my fair share of misogynists, cheaters, emotional abusers, and more. They all exist, they are pervasive and we know.

I kinda lost faith. If men and women think like this, what’s the point of my fight in society? What am I doing? ill be alone. Loneliness didn’t change anything. It was the heartbreak that this was the state of the world.

But I saw this guy and I liked him. I’m not a passive girl. I pursued him. We are now married 4 years later. He is so awesome and progressive. I am a staunch feminist so the “are you a feminist” question came early. He said of course, it means equality. I was floored. I had only met idiots before.

In light of everything going on, we talk about everything at length. “How would you raise a daughter” we spoke about the Cornell 7. And he is my echo chamber.

I will be honest. I didn’t think this was possible. If I read what I’m writing I wouldn’t think it was possible. But there are good men.

This isn’t to say all men are good. This is to say, raise your damn standards. Because the guys I thought were good earlier were abusive. And this boy is a good boy. He takes feedback happily and changes. As do I. We grow together. It’s cohesive. There is someone healthy for you out there. Don’t settle!

There are men who are awesome! Look for them. I personally would’ve stayed single if I hadn’t met him. I’d decided. I couldn’t kil myself more. For others.

I'm turning 25 this November, and I'm curious about what women my age do after work.

I'm a full-stack developer, and my work ends around 7 PM. After dinner and freshening up, I have around 2 hours of free time. I live in a two-sharing PG, and honestly, I don't feel like studying or upskilling anymore.

I want something to look forward to after work, but I don't even know what I'm interested in. 😭 I also don't want my entire identity to revolve around my career.

So, what do your weekday evenings look like? Hobbies, going out, reading, meeting people, or just chilling? I'd love to hear about the ordinary stuff too!

​

My partner and I have been together for the past 6 years and decided to get married via court wedding (no rituals) by the end of this year.

I had to go to his hometown to start the paperwork for the court marriage last week (we are in LDR and from different states/cultures) and stayed at his place. His mother, whenever we both were alone, would keep asking me what traditions we follow regarding weddings, if I have bought my wedding day outfit and how her son doesn't have anything to wear yet because in their culture the outfit comes from the bride's side, what properties do I have in my hometown, how in their culture it is mandatory to give gold to the groom's side before the wedding etc. I could sense what she was hinting at, but decided to act as if I could not understand anything and continued to smile and hehehaha it out. I have summarised this but this went on for every hour of every day for a week whenever we were in front of each other. My partner bought a place in his hometown for us to move into after marriage, so his mother said to me that my mother should travel and come and set up the house for us, leaving her own household and my father behind. I told her in my culture parents don't get involved in the early marital life of the couple and bride's parents don't even touch rice at the newly weds place for a year, she said if my mother needs rice she's give her, my mom can eat at my place and then work at mine and set up. Then she asked me why the bride's parents eat rice, I said because they don't want to be indebted. That's when she said that's why the bride's parents pay dowry, so that they can have the right to come to the couple's house whenever they want. Which is so insulting like she's treating my mother like free labour, and this set up makes no sense because his mother lives in the same town, not my mother. At the end of the week, the night before I left, she left the house to go and stay with her other son for a few days. On the way to the other son's house, she called my partner and asked him what gifts my side of the family will give them and by which date because it is already very late. My partner obviously became livid and had a huge argument with his mom. I know my partner will support me no matter what so that's not an issue. The problem is, I came back home and told my parents what happened because I feared for my safety. My parents are furious and so sad and are deciding not to maintain any contact with my in laws after the marriage is done. They would have broken the wedding but they aren't doing that only because they know my partner very well and know he is not involved in this. My household is in a mess after this. Parents are worried about his mom doing dowry harassment after the wedding. They are not able to eat, sleep or do anything at all. I hate to see my parents this way. I don't know what to do.

I live in an another country & I keep visiting India time to time and I am in a 4 year long relationship with my boyfriend (26M) & he is an absolute gem.
When we are doing LDR, we speak a lot and are way better connected but when we meet IRL, we don’t have quality conversations. We’re not having things to talk about because atleast from my POV, I’m still getting used to the idea of seeing him & panicking about having to go home or he is busy with his weekday job and I’m just hanging out around him.

I have absolutely no qualms about the man, he is an amazing person but I panick that when we get married it will be as awkward as it gets now.

Would love to know how other women handle it or if it is a me problem.

I often hear that after a long period of hardship, good things happen and everything gets better . But when will this hardship end ?

My life has always been like this , my parents ruined my whole childhood with their fights, I had anxiety from a very young age , never felt safe around adults , grew up with my guards on , had 1st relationship in school, but I was too reserved to be in a relationship and it got over . After 3 years I got into a relationship where I finally opened up , I gave it my all , got anxiously attached, my anxiety got worse in LDR , had frequent fights and broke up again, I'm still stunned coz one day he was the sweetest person ever and now he doesn't wanna talk , we are going no contact, same person who used get so worried about every single think doesn't wanna do anything with me.. doesn't wanna work on this , nothing, we planned out life together , talked about everything , but everything is over now. I have done bachelors only , had 2 years of gap and still preparing for exams , my batchmates from college and school are living their life , one of my college friend is moving to Florida right now . I'm feeling so lost , I feel like every time i dream about anything and want so bad in life , I see someone else living that thing ... I have no life , no friends, no social life , i can't talk to someone without practicing in my mind and still stuttering after all that . I was never good at studies, never participated in anything in school, no dance , music , sports. Is there any way to change things ? If someone has lived anything like this , can you please help me or suggest anything that worked for you?

Same as title

Hi all
My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been dating for almost 2 years now, we are both medical students. We get along pretty well and don’t fight too much but one recurring topic of conflict is that when he is upset he tends to shut down and go kind of silent and while I know that and give him the space he needs, I end up getting upset on my own for feeling like a failure because I wasn’t able to cheer him up. It doesn’t help that sometimes the reason he’s upset is something that I would have foreseen and in my own frustration I feel like scolding but I don’t because I know it will make him feel worse but at the same time I get really panicky and stressed myself? And it ends up being a cycle where he gets upset so I get upset so he gets more upset and so on.
Any advice for how I can not get upset and build up all this frustration while helping my boyfriend?

​

My father is always angry. If by some miracle he's not angry, he can become angry at the drop of a hat. Because of this the atmosphere in my parents' house is always tense. My mother and I constantly walk on eggshells whenever he is around. It is exhausting living this way. Everything needs to be as per his wishes. Even a slight change will result in violent volcanic outbursts from him. Family trips, if any are terrifying because of this. So we rarely ever go out. Even visiting relatives' houses is a big pain because of his behaviour. There's no saying what will set him off. Living with him feels like a constant battle, day after day.

I know the ultimate solution for this is to move out. But I have to continue living with them for a while now until I'm settled stable in my career.

Has anyone else here dealt with something similar? Any advice?

The woman's family alleged that she had been under pressure to hand over her entire salary, transfer her parental home's flat to her mother-in-law's name, and purchase a flat worth Rs 1 crore for her father-in-law.

Pune: A 33-year-old IT engineer in Maharashtra's Pune has allegedly died by suicide after alleging her in-law harassed her over dowry, with police registering a case against her husband and his family members.
The woman, identified as Trishna Rahul Sakpal, married Rahul Sakpal in 2018, according to the police complaint filed by her father, Balkrishna Nikam.

Nikam alleged that she had been under pressure since her marriage to hand over her entire salary, transfer her parental home's flat to her mother-in-law's name, and purchase a flat worth Rs 1 crore for her father-in-law.
Distressed by physical abuse, she returned to her parents' home in 2021. Her husband later filed for
divorce to get remarried, but the case is currently pending in the court.

She then died by suicide at her home on September 29.

In a suicide note recovered by the police, she held her husband, mother-in-law, Vaishali, father-in-law, Sanjay, sister-in-law, Shaili, and paternal grandmother-in-law, Shakuntala Salunke, responsible for her death.

https://www.ndtv.com/pune-news/pune-techie-dies-by-suicide-alleges-in-laws-wanted-her-salary-flats-in-suicide-note-12177261

23-Year-Old Pune Techie Dies By Suicide, Family Alleges Dowry Harassment

After allegedly spending Rs 45 lakh on their daughter's wedding and giving 10 tolas of gold, the family of a 23-year-old IT engineer from Pune is mourning her death by suicide just months after her marriage. 

The victim was identified as Vaishnavi Pravin Jarande. Her family has accused her husband and in-laws of demanding an additional Rs 5 lakh for a car and subjecting her to mental and physical harassment.

According to the complaint, Vaishnavi's family spent around Rs 45 lakh on the wedding and gave 10 tolas of gold. However, they alleged that despite this, her husband and in-laws continued to demand an additional Rs 5 lakh for the purchase of a car.

After the marriage, Vaishnavi lived with her husband's family. She later moved to Bengaluru for work. After returning to Pune at the end of June, she continued working for an IT company while staying at her matrimonial home.

Her family has alleged that she was subjected to mental and physical harassment by her husband, mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Phone Call To Mother Before Death
According to the complaint, Vaishnavi called her mother on the night of September 24 and informed her about the alleged harassment she was facing at her marital home.

Later that night, around 11:30 pm, her husband also contacted her parental family over the phone.
When the family was unable to get in touch with Vaishnavi afterwards, her parents travelled to Pune.
Upon reaching the city, they were informed that Vaishnavi had died at her residence.

https://www.ndtv.com/india-news/23-year-old-pune-techie-dies-by-suicide-family-alleges-dowry-harassment-12107666

Do you think they will get justice in both of these cases? They were educated women who were subjected to such harassment, leading to this.
Despite having laws against dowry people still find ways to take dowry.